#1324 – The Expat Files: Marriage, Divorce, Tattoos, and the Hispanic Paradox

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Alright first, let's dive into this stack of emails. This one's from Herbie he says Johnny I live in Argentina and Here the laws are written so that if you're married, there are automatic preneps

[00:45] That means all the individual assets prior to the marriage are excluded from any divorce proceedings He says the net effect is that men initiate divorce 70% of the time for personal reasons normally to get with younger women, of course Even so there's much much less divorce here in Argentina than up in the States Marry guys will just cheat and sneak around and divorce has only arrived when it gets too excessive It's simple every guy knows if he gets a divorce he gets to keep everything He had up to the moment of marriage and half thereafter The ladies get treated the same but they also know that the men generally bring a lot more into the marriage from day one Like a house car or property and the ladies here will get none of that if there's a divorce only from day one in the marriage

[01:35] Will they divide the property in half? Those statistics are just the opposite compared to the West where women instigate divorce 70% of the time Often the women get a much better deal than the men because he's stuck paying alimony or child support on top of that She gets half of everything too from before and after the marriage So in my mind, he says if you take that off the table, in other words, you make prenaps automatic like in Argentina It means people will stay married longer and for the right reasons. It won't be all about the finances Because no one really gains a financial advantage. So I think there should be automatic paternity testing, too However, I know up in the States women are hypocrites because they want equality, but they would never go for automatic prenaps Some years ago when I was living back in the States

[02:22] I mentioned that to a couple of girlfriends and ladies in my family and they were appalled by the notion of an automatic prenap In the US and Canada and Europe the divorce industrial complex would never allow that he says so Johnny whenever I'm having a down Day or feel depressed which isn't often I think to myself boy. Am I glad I'm living in Argentina Signed Herbie live in the Vida Loca PS he says anyone here in Argentina with a half a brain and who isn't a socialist loves melee However, the question persists is the country so broken that no one can fix it time will tell but so far He's really kicking ass. He's only been in office two months and he's already balanced the budget that hasn't been done in 15 years

[03:08] Alright me Johnny here. Thanks for that Herbie You know what you're saying seems to be the case in most all Latin America I'm talking about marriages and prenuptial agreements the way most Latin countries handle that I know for sure at least in Central America when you're gonna get married right when you're signing the marriage agreement You're allowed to a select if you want to go by the community property laws which means 5050 on everything if you get divorced or option 2 which is pretty much the default setting and most everyone selects it that is You'd split or share only the property you obtain since the date of the marriage And you know down here in Latin America You don't run into divorced Latinos very often and when you do it's mostly in the upper classes

[03:56] That's always kind of baffled me since most everyone I know up in the states anyone over 50 anyway seems to be divorced Often more than once of my generation. Anyway, not my parents generation, but my generation Man, I'll tell you the couples in my parents generation stuck together through thick and thin even if they hated each other It's hard to believe but back then the stigma of divorce had some nasty consequences Especially for the woman. It was like a scarlet letter hit them financially and socially But that was then though here in Latin America I repeat I rarely meet Latin Americans who are divorced by law and when I do they're almost always of the upper classes So why is that? Well, that's because the lower and middle classes Most often don't actually tie the knot legally Most will just skip that step all together and it's very strange too

[04:45] At least to us gringles and expats you come down here. You meet a couple that spend together a couple years Maybe 10 or 20 years. They've got some kids maybe adult kids. They're married. They say they're married They call each other husband and wife, but they're not really married Not legally anyway, though by common law, of course, you know, every country has laws Stipulating what's a common law marriage how many years you spend living with a person is the basis for all that You know early on when people first started telling me that most people aren't actually married legally I was a little shocked at first, but then I began to notice when I'd visit people's houses There'd be no wedding photos in the living room around the fireplace mantle and in the u.s That's a par for the course, right? Now the reason why I was so shocked is because I was brought up catholic went to catholic schools and all that

[05:32] I remember those cardinal rules that if broken would send you straight to hell Like for example living in sin or having a kid out of wedlock So then why do so many latinos break those cardinal rules in such a christian catholic culture? How can they be all right with it? Hell you're reminded of it every time you walk into a latino's house They've got the madonna and jesus statues the candles burning Now that's not to say there aren't weddings going on every weekend You see ladies and their white wedding gowns having photo shoots in parks The truth is weddings are expensive and the average latin family making three to five hundred bucks a month Well, that's one big reason why so many couples never get around to it Even just going down to the courthouse and having a civil wedding performed that cost too and yeah, I have to throw a party

[06:17] Most people never get around to doing that either Now from what i've seen and i've known lots of married couples down here At least I thought they were married, but they're really not I'd say except when you're talking about the upper classes only about 20 percent of couples you think are married actually have the paperwork Again, you get fooled all the time because when you're introduced to people they'll always say this is my husband or this is my wife In most cases legally. They're not personally. I quit trying to figure it out. It's a real conundrum So I think in the majority of cases It's just about the money if you get married and throw a big bash You have to invite everybody and the extended families down here are massive And though latino families don't spare the expense when their daughters hit 15 years old They have that big quinceaños party often going into debt for years on those things

[07:03] That's a hardcore tradition. And if you don't do that for your 15 year old girl, she'll carry that burden forever in that case It's all about putting on a show for your neighbors and relatives The quinceaños party competition is fierce And you know what people don't seem to appreciate is since there are very few legit weddings down here That also means there are way fewer divorces when people split they just walk away Somehow I think one of the other reasons is the marriage statistics are so low is that people know Divorces are expensive and take forever Sometimes with all the paperwork the court dates and appearances it could take years Oh, and i'm talking about expensive latin american style, you know I just looked it up the average cost for a divorce in the united states is eight to twelve thousand bucks

[07:50] That's about two years salary for the average latin american. Now when I say it's expensive for a divorce here in latin america Again, it's all relative. I'm talking about expensive latin american style I understand talking to lawyers down here that the average divorce costs around 1200 bucks That's for attorneys fees court filings and all that Anyway, keep all of that in mind next time you're in latin america and you're introduced to a couple as husband and wife It's a good bet that legally they're not or in the other telltale sign for the ladies is no wedding ring So then why the pretense? Why the act? Obviously it's connected to the fact that in latino culture There's no shame at all to having a kid out of wedlock though It's getting that way up in the states too In fact for me, I can hardly think of a latino family Who does not have a single daughter or two living in the house with a kid?

[08:38] Which brings up another conundrum for me and so many gringos We're always hearing the same old rant from latinas telling us that latin men are no good They're womanizers. They're irresponsible. They're macho abusive. They lie including their own brothers uncles fathers cousins Yet those same latinas hook up with those guys as boyfriends husbands and have kids with them It's hard for us gringos and expats to parse out that conundrum I mean look the majority of latin guys are accused by latin ladies of being scumbags Yet they all end up having kids with them think about that for a minute. The only way that makes sense Is to realize latin men are the only option the ladies have in their available dating pool That is until just recently when internet dating sites came along. Of course, not all latin men are shiftless macho womanizers

[09:27] There are latino guys who aren't womanizers who take care of themselves and live a decent life Most of those guys are in that 20 or 25 percent who are married legally Yep, it's not lower class guys who get married. There seems to be a strong correlation With latino men who are healthy and successful eventually getting married legally But it's not the legal marriage by the books with the paperwork by itself that makes these guys more healthy and stable Oh, and by the way, those marriageable types have way less bling and fewer tattoos and more likely to have a job on the books In fact, you could almost predict with certainty that a latino guy who's married is working on the books and paying taxes Meanwhile speaking of bling and tattoos here's something I never considered. Maybe you didn't either this from an article that just came out

[10:14] I'll translate title of the article Tattoo studios experience big surge in requests for cover-ups of gang associated tattoos Man, we should have seen that one coming, huh? Hmm very interesting. I'll paraphrase this it says in the wake of state crackdowns on gangs and mass Incarcerations there has been a change of heart with many tattooed gang members who are still on the loose Tattoo artists throughout latin america, especially in el salvador and ecuador Are witnessing a massive surgeon client seeking to recycle or cover up tattoos associated with criminal gangs? As those gang symbols and tokens once chosen with pride and personal significance have recently been transformed into stigmatizing billboards These days the ink they were once so proud of is putting them in the spotlight of authorities and police

[11:06] It says for example andres name withheld a 26 year old resident of ecuador recently decided to modify a tattoo He'd got 40 years ago a 15 centimeter tiger head pierced by a dagger associated with the criminal gang lost This tattoo declared and shouted out He was a member in good standing of one of the 22 drug gangs in ecuador those 22 gangs are now classified as terrorist Organizations anyone would said tattoos is immediately jailed It says the police specifically focus on identifying criminals through their tattoos Particularly those featuring wild animals like tigers wolves eagles or lizards Oh, by the way, it says this interview was taking place in a south guaya keel ecuador tattoo studio

[11:52] Whilst andres was getting his gangland tiger tattoo modified Then it says according to the owner of the tattoo parlor cover-up tattoo trends have gained huge momentum over the past year While at the same time he noted a huge decline in people's interest in having new tattoos Instead he said a high number of clients are now seeking to erase or remodel their existing tattoos Especially those tied to gangs and organized crime Then it says tattoo studios and ecuador are now handling Hundreds more clans as they now grapple with a fallout from the country's war on gangs and crime So then what about laser tattoo removal? Well, as it turns out the process of covering up a tattoo with more ink is much more economical and less painful Than the alternative laser removal modifying an existing tattoo can cost as little as 30 bucks

[12:42] while laser removal can cost between 70 and 150 bucks per session requiring eight to ten sessions Which is why very few clients opt for laser treatment So then how do the police and the local authorities feel about this? Well tattoo cover-ups are a quick fix from a distance, but they don't fool cops on close inspection Observe for yourself the owner of the tattoo parlor says a fresh tattoo blending or covering an old tattoo Can be easily sussed out under certain angles of lighting and laser tattoo removals a giveaway too Leaving pink fresh tender skin also with a faint outline of the original tattoo Uh, right good to know especially if you're a cop on a somewhat similar note

[13:27] It's been said that 70 to 80 percent of all the dating that goes on in the first world Anyway, the connections are initiated through those dating apps tinder cupid Whatever and you know when you get on those things you have to set up a profile of yourself, right? People put those filtered pictures and lie about their age and their height the whole works I'm thinking why don't they have one of those dating sites where there's a section in your profile of the things you won't tolerate In a mate that should cut through the bullshit immediately Like for example, don't bother to swipe if you're a smoker You don't floss and you have some glaringly obvious tattoos or think fauci's an american hero things like that I'm mentioning this mating and dating stuff here now because I got this email from thomas. Listen to this He says johnny. I'm not ugly. At least I never thought I was but when I went on match.com

[14:17] No one would talk to me. The ladies just would not swipe on my photo So I thought and I thought Then I put up an obvious fake photo of a male model instead and got more compliments than I could possibly handle Now i'm not talking about latin american cuban dating sites. I'm talking about ones in the good old usa match.com So naturally with my ego well stroked. I started communicating with the ladies But soon realized after about a day or two of that. This was the land of make believe I just felt kind of stupid going on with the fraud. It was fraud and everyone else is lying and bullshit and too My backstory johnny is this i'm 48 newly divorced and recently new to online dating So in the first week or so when I got no swipes

[15:03] I realized I hadn't cracked the code yet The code being posting fake photos of people hotter than you are and stretching the truth wherever you can Thing is johnny. I'm not real good at lying and faking it I thought if I ever did actually hook up one of the girls I was talking to I had more than likely get cold feet and not show up first off. She might not recognize me But then again, I might not recognize her who knows how much she's been bullshitting me By the way johnny just as a test a couple of days later I put a more reasonable photo of myself back on my posted dating site admittedly. I cheated a bit It was a photo of me 10 years earlier when I had a lot more and thicker hair I figured I was at least pushing a six and a half or seven Guess what most of the hits I started getting were from women. I have zero interest in dating

[15:50] All of them appeared older than me and not that attractive johnny. I learned a lot in those three weeks I was on those dating sites rule number one 95 of women are only interested in five percent of men So don't think if you rate yourself above average six or seven or even an eight The hot girls or desirable girls are going to connect with you I think that is basically why women love being on dating apps They want to see how many desperate men will swipe right on them knowing they'll have no intention of Swiping back or having an actual date with them They get addicted to the attention and the dopamine spike What I mean to say is they get constant attention and validation which inflates their egos Normal women new to the apps get contaminated once they realize they can become mini celebrities as guys continuously inflate their egos

[16:37] That's also why unattractive women who modify their photos and such Think they're nines and tens. This is truly a messed up world. We live in johnny Then he says so guys a word of advice if you're going to play the online dating game If you use a real photo of yourself Keep your mouth closed if you've got gnarly yellow teeth and ditch the baseball cap and the plaid duck hunter's shirt Or just post a picture of your better looking brother. In other words, you don't want to come off as an oil patch worker with 22 chromosomes All right, that was from tom Obviously tom has not yet attempted to use those latina cubit dating sites. Believe me. If you do you'll never be lonely You'll get swiped on constantly But please be very careful since the vast majority of ladies you'll find on those sites might not be ladies at all

[17:27] but bots or russian dating mill call centers Specifically designed to suck in love lauren gringos like for example my brother In fact there was a time he was spending four or five hundred bucks a month sending money By western union to different latinas all over the place He'd text with them every day and they all had hard luck stories rent to pay kids to feed grandma in the hospital There are thousands if not millions of love lauren gringos doing exactly the same thing sending money monthly To various extremely hot latinas who've given them hard luck stories and in many if not most cases It's been proven those ladies are not ladies at all But you know that gringo savior complex runs wide and deep We spoke about that very thing in a show a couple of weeks ago that love lauren gringo sickness otherwise known as gringo savior complex

[18:19] All right moving on speaking of conundrums. Did you ever hear of the hispanic paradox? It's a real thing it's been researched for dozens of years now Well, let's get into it starting with a brand new article that just came out explaining the whole thing and what the hell's going on Here's the title. It says the hispanic paradox There's a new generation of researchers determined to unravel it And once again i'll paraphrase this cut out the boring parts. It says for 40 years researchers have unsuccessfully tried to explain or debunk The hispanic paradox so then what's this paradox all about? Well, they're finding that hispanic americans live several years longer than white americans on average Despite arriving broken poor and even once they get to the states having far less income in health care

[19:07] And higher rates of diabetes and obesity yet. They still live on average several years longer than white Americans who've been there for generations Then it says now armed with more comprehensive data powerful genomic tools and rich cultural awareness of the communities They are studying a new generation of scientists are finally making head weight into the hispanic paradox By the way, it was first noticed or mentioned in the university of texas health care science center study back in 1986 Showing that in almost all cases immigrant hispanics in the american southwest Lived as longer longer than white people in the same area even though white americans had much better health care by the way in 1986 when that study first came out it might have been the very first instance that I heard of

[19:53] Of someone being canceled for his research because it seems The author of this study caracos marquitas a faculty member at the university of texas health care science center in san antonio Said at the time his colleagues warned him against publishing the findings because they thought they were so obviously wrong He must have made an error. They told him he must have had bad data But he said he stuck his neck out with his colleagues and published And over time as more and more hispanic people were included in more and more studies The new data confirmed his findings completely But other researchers kept thinking there were flaws looking for reasons to overturn the paradox The first group of debunkers said his data was wrong because there was a so-called salmon bias salmon like the fish

[20:40] Which goes as follows They said many hispanic immigrants would never end up in the u.s Mortality number data because once they made some money in the u.s Got a little bit older. They'd return to their native countries to live and die That way they'd never end up in the u.s. Mortality stats and skew the numbers That hypothesis turned out to be wrong after a large analysis of social security data Showed the salmon bias was way too small to explain the paradox. In fact, it was insignificant Then there was a group of scientists that tried to debunk the data by saying Only certain kinds of latinos migrated to the united states the unusually fit and strong Thinking they would have to be to make the journey Not to mention the old and unfit would die along the way

[21:28] So they'd never even make it to the states to be counted in the data They also debunked the idea that hispanic deaths are fewer in the states Because the population that arrives is younger Well as it turns out with 40 years to study the data It's been analyzed extensively and even when adjusting for age The paradox still holds now the more rational explanation is the role of diet in these newly arrived immigrants Culturally accustomed to eating a legume diet rice beans fruits and vegetables and unprocessed meals There has been lots of evidence though Not completely conclusive that food explains the longevity though It is true that the diets of immigrants worsens as time goes on after they reach the u.s. That is Which seems to explain the reason why the second generation of latinos in the united states

[22:16] Do not exhibit the hispanic paradox since second generation latinos are on an all-american diet So then how strong in effect is this hispanic paradox? Well a meta analysis of 58 studies by the university of north texas confirmed the paradox does truly exist and Shows that the u.s. Hispanic population has a 17.5 Percent lower risk of mortality from any cause compared to other racial and ethnic groups By the way, there's been other research on what's been termed the barrio effect showing that people in high density Hispanic neighborhoods in the u.s. Also have much better health outcomes despite higher levels of crime and poverty Researchers are calling that the barrio effect By the way as far as covid data in 2022 show hispanics were still outliving white people by more than a year

[23:09] Even though the covid it lackdowns killed hispanics at a higher rate than whites So then what's happening here? What's the key? Well a recent metadata study from 2022 worldwide noted That the hispanic paradox was global not tied solely to immigration in the u.s In addition to hispanics living in the u.s Though people living in countries such as nicaragua columbia cuba and peru lived longer than whites in the usa Even though they had far less frequent doctor and hospital visits simply because they just can't afford to go regularly Could that be the key they don't go to the doctor or to a hospital unless they really are sick So then maybe that's the key when you go to a doctor or a hospital up in the stage

[23:54] You always walk out with a dose of pills or some kind of prescription Latinos are on far far less prescription medicine than americans. Just check out their medicine cabinets I always do besides that they have much more cohesive social and family networks That means with big families living in households If someone falls down the stairs and breaks a leg or someone just gets sick They've always got family members around for instant help and assistance However, recent studies have delivered a different and more important message that hispanics being that they have higher rates of diabetes and obesity Tend to live longer, but they tend to live sicker, too And that doesn't matter if they're living in the states nicaragua mexico Anywhere they move to then it says in investigating all this data They've also found some different conundrums like for example latinos are known to have some of the lowest rates of asthma in the world

[24:46] All right me john here, you know until I read this article I never realized it but in all the years i've been down here in latin america couple of decades now I never met a single latino who used an inhaler In fact i've never seen a latino use one out in public seen a few gringos do it, but never a latino By the way another thing that complicates this asthma thing is that it turns out up in the united states in new york There are lots of latinos of african ancestry There are very dark-skinned latinos from places like porta rico and the dr brazil etc Turns out they have higher rates of asthma, but not the white light-skinned or tanned latinos Hmm. All right. We're getting towards the end of the show now one last bit of news I don't know if you're gonna laugh or cry about this one It goes both ways the title of the article is peruvian leaders push for an end to cat barbecues

[25:37] That's right cat barbecues. They say it's a sad throwback to spanish colonialism This one comes from the peruvian wire service It says a peruvian congressman has joined animal rights activists in their efforts to stop the consumption of barbecued cats at their annual religious festivals Goes on to say at least 100 cats will be barbecued and eaten this weekend at the festival of santa Ofugena in just one town la cabrada a town just south of lima peru and that's just in one particular town The festival which occurs one day a year has in addition to the barbecues a variety of activities including Cat races and live cat roasting contests all of which activists say constitute animal cruelty

[26:24] Meanwhile health minister medori de habeach says the practice should be halted, but she's taken no action Since it's been a tradition for hundreds of years Meanwhile residents defend their tradition and say the cats sacrificed are especially bred for the event claiming that cat festivals are a throwback to the 16th and 17th century european tradition of torturing and eating cats It goes on to say cat roasting were first started in quanque ecuador in the 1700s and the spanish governor jose Antonio via hero took part in it He encouraged families to come to the central plaza now parque calderon on sunday nights to watch cats in wire meshes being lowered into the fire according to gonzales soares A knowledgeable spanish historian. He says quote

[27:10] The catter walling and writhing of the burning felines always delighted and amused the spectators And once the cats were roasted to death. They were given to spectators to eat And three centuries later once a year, they still carry on that spectacle. Hmm. So that's where they get that word from caterwauling Hey, i'm no big cat lover myself, but that is pretty gruesome You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b send me an email the expat files at gmail.com

[27:59] No spamos