#1340 – The Expat Files: Real Estate, Language, and Life in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Let's start out today with a couple of emails of interest Starting with Rodney. He says Johnny. I'm loving your podcast. What a great find my wife and I are planning on moving somewhere That's the big question right now in Latin America when our youngest daughter graduates high school

[00:49] We really have our hearts set on Argentina, but are flexible Your insight has been invaluable to us. I would like to ask though Where can I find more information on finding real estate at non gringo prices? He says I noticed what I'm on English real estate websites that prices are very inflated compared to the Spanish language websites Also, Johnny, he says if you don't mind Do you have any recommendations and how to learn more about what life is like from the expat perspective? Good reliable information is not easily available. For example, I'm a member of several Facebook groups For expats and they're not very helpful Anyhow, thanks in advance for any help. You are able to provide best regards Rodney G Okay, Roddy. Thanks for that. You know as a newcomer to this show you missed a lot of shows

[01:37] You know, I've got about a thousand three hundred old shows in the can I've hit on all those topics and questions you've asked about in past shows though It's always worth repeating and revisiting those subjects once in a while because things do change First off though You never told me why you really have your heart set on Argentina and you never told me if you know Spanish You never told me if you've visited Latin America and if you have where? Because it does make a difference. For example, you talk about Facebook groups for expats They're all over the place and some of them really stink Some of those woke gringos and gringas on those sites Just turned my stomach most of them are just loaded with people with a lot of time on their hands Just blathering on and on about things while sitting in their own gringoized islands of tranquility

[02:25] They don't mix much at all with the locals They don't know enough Spanish to have a conversation with the average guy on the street and they don't want to Yet most of them try to come off as expert expats. They've got an opinion about everything. Yeah I know I have an opinion about everything too But guess who's lived 30 plus years off the gringo tourist trail hanging with the local speaking nothing But Spanish for the last 30 years, too I have also noticed the expat Facebook crowds are mostly filled with super woke liberals at least the most vocal ones Anyway, the biggest blabber mouths the ones that are posting all the time ex teachers ex government workers and next Peace Corps volunteers Many whose whole working life consisted of sucking off the government tit. Yeah, they're Disproportionally hooked up on those expat Facebook sites who will pounce if you say anything even slightly on PC

[03:15] Now I have a prejudice myself Anytime I'm checking out an expat fake book group or any kind of expat organization at all As soon as they start mentioning or advertising things like Democrats or Republicans overseas. That's it They're crossed off my list. I already know the rest of their resume. I'm thinking what a bunch of brain-dead idiots Because practically every intelligent expat I know left the United States to get away from that shit I'm always thinking why would anyone with a half a brain leave the United States plan to foot or retire to a third world country and Want to start right in and hook up with organizations? Responsible for why the US is in the shitter in the first place Yeah, that's my prejudice as soon as I see some gringo expat waving the flag

[04:03] Blathering on about American politics how he's for or against Trump or Biden or any US politician for that man I've pretty much written off that guy as a brain-dead fool forever though one of my gringo buddies Who's a hundred percent on board with me in that idea? He said Johnny don't be so hard on them They're like alcoholics who keep going to rehab taking the cure and the minute they're released They walk out the door and head to the bar across the street and looking at it that way It makes sense problem is they check a lot of other boxes that are pretty disagreeable. So that's one of my prejudices I don't want anything to do with those fake book expat fools the one good thing about those fake book expat sites is that there are always some gringo expats who throw in the towel and Move back to the states. So it's a good marketplace for things for sale and maybe you'll get a line on a decent plumber or electrician

[04:55] But look out every time you get an expat Facebook recommendation on a maintenance guy or plumber. It's gonna come at gringo prices Just realize that most of the gringos on those fake book groups are living in gringo colonies in gringo eyes neighborhoods on the gringo tourist trail or pretty nearby so they're all paying gringo rent prices, too Now as far as gringo expat social media groups that are actually worthwhile, you know that are on our particular wavelength I mean look seriously the thousands of people who listen to this show are on our wavelength or they wouldn't be tuning in right? Unless they're trolls a lot of that going on these days. Anyway I'd say for every 20 or 30 gringo expat fake book groups. There are some groups on alternative

[05:41] Social media sites like telegram or signal sites that are well worthwhile Like for example in Guatemala, there's a very cool expat forum on signal, you know The signal app which is ten times more anonymous than any social meetup group on fake book or what's up? So there are some legit cool expat groups that are not on the usual suspect social media sites So then how can you hook up with one of those sites? Well, it's more by word of mouth Funny thing too when you get on one of those sites, you'll notice there's very little infighting Everybody's kind on the same page. Nobody's attacking another guy's position and no one's using preferential pronouns There's just none of that woke shit going down And if they did they'd be blocked and booted out in a hurry now as for Rodney's second point finding real estate at non gringo prices

[06:32] Well, that's really easy. You've got to stay away from the real estate brokers like century 21 or remax You know, they're everywhere and they're always bilingual They're always fishing for gringo buyers because they know gringo buyers who come down have cash and don't negotiate much at all and in their heads to compare properties they see in Latin America to Properties up in the States and they're always cheaper The first thing gringos and expats don't realize it doesn't matter what the posted price is on any real estate here in Latin America The posted price is almost always way over market value Latinos know there's massive room for negotiation Up north a gringo might make an offer at five or ten percent below the asking price down here You can make it offer for much much less even half the asking price. For example, I put an offer on a place

[07:19] Not so long ago. They wanted three hundred twenty five thousand bucks for it I gave him an offer of 200 grand and man I'm talking about a super nice place any gringo would die to live in anyway at that time I looked at a number of places. I put in three or four offers all of them very lowball at least 25% below asking price they all got rejected and came back with a counter offer. That's the game Anyway in this particular case and I was going directly to the seller not through a real estate agent and that was the property I really wanted he immediately refused my lowball 200k offer in fact, I got the idea he thought he'd been insulted It was such a low offer, but he came back with a counter offer at 300k. I Said no. Sorry 200k is my offer. See ya The thing is here in Latin America. There's a certain kind of a real estate game. You got to play

[08:08] It's slightly different than the game you play with real estate up in the States My advice is go to one of those Latin American Craigslist sites The big ones called in cuentro binti cuatro and cuentro 24.com and you go to the real estate section. You'll see lots and lots of private sellers trying to dump their real estate Of course century 21 and remax are in their advertising to about every other ads an individual private seller So there's no intermediate area. Sometimes that's the best way to go cut out the middleman Anyway, I'd been checking that site for months and months and I kept seeing the same listings In other words, lots and lots of sellers have unrealistic prices on their properties And after a couple of months even six months sitting on that site Obviously, they're getting no bites and those are the guys you can pounce on

[08:56] Because if a guy's got a listing that's been sitting there for three months six months nine months even a year I mean look his expenses are mounting, right? And you just lay a low-ball offer out there. He just might say hell with it. I'll take it Anyway, about 46 months later the guy phoned me up and said yeah, I'll take it I don't want to take it. But my wife says we got to sell it. So 200 grand it is I'll take your offer now take into account. I didn't even budge I gave him a price and I didn't move no bargaining at all And you know Latinos love to bargain and I know just to save face He threw in that little bit about his wife making him sell That's the Latin culture. There's always a little macho thrown in the mix Now the whole deal was done in Spanish

[09:42] What I'm saying is stay off the English-speaking real estate websites Don't let a high price scare you off put in your low-ball offer sit back and wait. Don't be in a hurry Remember, this is the light of manana time My advice is find three or four properties. You really like putting some low-ball offers and sit back and wait. Oh And go after properties that been sitting on those sites for months at a time Makes a lot of sense. Think about a place that's been sitting on one of those sites for six or seven months Chances are if you put it in an offer even a really low-ball offer You might be the only nibble the guy has had since he's put it on the market Oh, and of course cash is king. You tell the guy you've got cash that really greases the skids and eliminates ten other hoops

[10:29] The usual buyer has to go through with banks and credit ratings and all that Anyway over the years. I've helped a lot of newbie gringos and expats buy houses and apartments down here Saved them a lot of money too. Not that I'm a real estate expert I've made my mistakes in real estate here, too But you're learning get better at it each time so I know what not to do and how to spot desperate sellers and That's why by the way add my expat insider seminars I do about four hours on real estate in Latin America You'd be surprised how well that part of the seminar goes over In fact, I've had people tell me if I'd just have done that for our real estate portion that alone made it well worth the cost of the whole seminar All right Speaking of expat insiders seminar alumni comes an email from good friend of the show and good friend in general bill

[11:20] Who's moved with his family to Guatemala permanently and is taking Spanish lessons as you'll see from this email. He says Johnny Why don't they have these phrases on my Spanish flashcards? And he sent me a little list here of phrases. He thinks should be on Spanish language flashcards for gringos By the way, if you're learning Spanish or have ever learned Spanish, you probably used flashcards, right? I did Anyway, here's Bill's list. Number one being I'm not paying for this shit Which in Spanish should be general care of Agar por esta mierda number two Here's the next saying he says should be included in everyone's Spanish flashcards What's taking so goddamn long In Spanish teos mio porque tardetanto

[12:07] Number three, why didn't the electricity go out today? Porque la luz no se fue hoy Number four something's wrong here. The water's not coming out Porque no ayagua and how about this one saying number five that should be on the Spanish flashcards Look at all those bananas on the freeway. Are they supposed to be there in Spanish? Porque los platanos están en la carretera Number six, there's no way that bus is gonna squeeze through there in Spanish. It's impossible. El pos se cabe Hey, wait, stop. We passed the supermarket already in Spanish. Señor pon favor Para Estamos adelante el super number eight. Is this normal? This can't be normal in Spanish

[12:52] Esto es normal. Esto no puede ser normal And how about this for number nine? How is that not illegal? In Spanish como es que no es illegal Well, Bill, I must say when I first came down here to Latin America I had my particular way of learning Spanish and had a lot of the same concerns you do Yep, I had a set of flashcards too and I found them very incomplete as you have And way back when when I was living in Costa Rica, I put posted pads all over the house And that's how I learned my vocabulary. I learned it pretty well, too I had a posted stamp stuck on practically every item in the house on lamps tables mirrors plates kitchen utensils Everything in the bathroom was stuck with post-its, too, and I kept them up there for half a year or so

[13:43] Until they started fading and falling off. I'll tell you I learned my common vocabulary words very well And people who visited my place thought I was nuts Definitely did not look like a normal apartment. And of course I had flashcards too and back then in the early 90s There was no internet But I had a tiny cassette tape recorder with duo lingua or one of those full Spanish courses on it Along with a workbook that should have helped but in the end it really didn't so there I was with all the posted pads around the house and studying Spanish maybe an hour a day and Having a really good vocabulary in Spanish still I just couldn't understand or converse With the locals like my own cleaning lady. My conversational Spanish was just not clicking because no one would practice it with me

[14:31] Because you see the Costa Rican economy is so tied in to gringo tourism Everyone wants to be in the tourist trade just to get their pay and their tips in dollars Including the maids gardeners electricians and plumbers. They wanted to work for gringos, too So they'd all practice their bad English on me and when gringos go to the store or the market They'll gravitate towards the stores and sellers who have their signs and promotions in English All of that contributes to why Costa Rica is so expensive and why most gringos can't learn their Spanish there like me Besides having my Canadian business partner rip me off One of the other reasons I left Costa Rica is because after two and a half years. I still had not learned conversational Spanish That's why I picked up and left for Antigua Guatemala where I signed up for a month to live with an immersion family

[15:18] I lasted about a week my stomach rebelled against the family cuisine You know, you have to sit down and eat with your immersion family, right? If you don't it's a big insult Well that and the fact you have to share the wretched bathroom with all six members of the family Like I said, I lasted about a week But they did have a very cool Spanish language thing going down in Antigua, Guatemala Where you'd hook up with a little indigenous guy for two hours a day I'd meet him every morning at a nice little outdoor cafe I'd bring along a fresh copy of the daily newspaper the Prince at Libre I'd pay for breakfast for both of us Set me back about five bucks for both and we'd spend two hours going back and forth reading articles and classifieds out of the paper With not a word of English spoken at any time. Why because he didn't know any

[16:07] By the way, he tutored me for five bucks an hour. So cost me about 15 bucks a day Believe me. The first week was pretty tough speaking only Spanish, but believe me, that's the way to go So after about three months, my conversational Spanish was hit and miss but it was working Eventually, I got a Latina girlfriend who spoke no English and man, that's when it really kicked in that kind of trial-by-fire Always works. I mean as much as it could for me considering I have a short attention span and that's not good Now I'm the first to admit I'm a language dunce Hey, you can't win them all right and that's why after about three or four years down here in Latin America I hit sort of a plateau. I still make lots of errors in both proper and conversational Spanish and when I'm writing things like emails in Spanish, too

[16:52] But still I understand most people even gardeners and uber drivers though Oftentimes I have to tell them to repeat what they just said Now that could be because I'm partially deaf from playing in rock and roll bands sometimes at very high volume Could be because oftentimes when people are speaking English, I'll ask them to repeat themselves So I just might be deep Anyway, since Bill and his email brought up the fact there should be flashcards with different English sayings translated to Spanish, man I tell you bill if we continued with this game We'd have a stack of flashcards reach into the moon now bill I like your proposed flashcard list, but you have to know it's a game that will never end We could just keep adding and adding like for example, how about this one? Oh, what's that smell? It's not me In Spanish it would be que es ese olor no soy. Yo, how about this one for a universal flashcard? Oh

[17:44] Great some asshole dinged my effing door again in Spanish perfecto un idiota rayo mi porta otra vez and Bill, how about this one? I know you'll relate. How about a flashcard that says if you need help just getting that block long line In Spanish, that would be see necesitas. Are you the Ponte and Esta Lara gaffela? Anyway, Bill, you can see if you and I were in charge of those Spanish language flashcards We'd have a job for life. All I could say is keep on keeping on with those flashcards. It'll kick in Glad you're down here. Bill. You certainly did the right thing Alright moving on one last email. This one's from Ben in Australia. He says Johnny like to hear your thoughts on Uruguay if you have a moment

[18:30] Well, then I'll tell you a certain expat wannabes would really love Uruguay. It's super laid-back Very slow-moving people are nice. It's got a very low crime rate Probably one of the last places in the world that are gonna have street riots or a revolution Problem is it's just not cosmopolitan enough for me It's sort of dead boring nothing to do And even if you like to build things and have projects going all the time like me You've got very little selection and appliance hardware stores furniture stores things like that Of course, just like in any third world country, you could order stuff from anywhere, you know, Amazon and all that But because the country has almost no manufacturing base Anything that's imported is first world prices all the way and more than half the stuff in the stores is imported

[19:18] Reason being the import taxes are horrendous. They have to be it's basically a socialist country the biggest employer being the government Though like most every Latin American country everyone in government such a lazy slug. No one bothers gringos They've got a million rules and regulations, but there's almost no follow-through So for example, if you've got a house and you want to add an addition on to it Instead of going down to the municipality and standing in six or seven lines to get permission and get all the necessary stamps And seals and signatures. You just say That and build your addition No one from the government's ever gonna show up at the place to inspect or ask for a permit and if he ever does for 20 bucks, he'll go away. Of course, you have to use your head You can't put up an addition that's bigger than the existing structure and you can't be sloppy or stupid about it

[20:07] But then again, you're a gringo and you've got certain gringo norms sensibilities and standards as on PC as this sounds almost every gringo Construction project in Latin America is an improvement over everything else in the neighborhood Anyway, Uruguay a nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there Well for me, it's even just a little too boring to visit unless of course I was a guy with a green thumb and wanted to be you know, small-time farmer something I have no interest in but lots of gringos and expats do so Don't cross it off your plan B list just yet But just remember if you want first-world creature comforts, it won't be cheap to live there Oh, and as far as being laid back there are sort of on double manana time You'll find that out if you have to call a plumber or an electrician

[20:53] Nothing wrong with that though If you're the patient type because eventually things do get done In fact, I learned a long time ago getting pissed about people on slow-mo Doesn't help you getting stressed about it doesn't make them move any faster It reminds me of being in traffic jams down here When stuck in traffic and the lanes not moving it does no good at all To lay on the horn though some people just keep doing it It doesn't move things along or raise the ante one bit The only thing it raises is your blood pressure Though I have to tell you people are such shitty drivers here in Latin America Yeah, I mean unbelievably terrible That I've personally lay on the horn a couple of times a week Not to move things along that won't help But to warn some jackass fool who's weaving and straddling between lanes

[21:42] Maybe he's drunk or daydreaming or something to warn him to wake up and pay attention or he's gonna scratch or clobber my car I'm serious driving in any city in Latin America is not for the faint of heart Though driving out in the boonies where you've got lots of space to maneuver could be a really nice experience It all boils down to the fact that us gringos have a wide personal space and Latinos They're accustomed to a very small personal space just a couple inches That's why when you're standing in a line somewhere oftentimes a person will lean right into you smile ever so kindly and pull away a bit Whereas up in the States if someone leaned into you in a line They'd apologize up and down even freak out a bit and if a guy in line inadvertently leaned into a woman She just might claim third-degree sexual assault man. Am I glad I'm living in Latin America. I got the hell out of dodge

[22:32] Alright, let's do one more email cuz it's on the same subject. This is from Jose lito He says dear Johnny. I'm Jose lito Cabral a Latino nerdy Bitcoiner from El Salvador I ran into you and your seminar group at Bitcoin Beach in El Sante and Tunco about two months ago He says I mostly live in the capital San Salvador as you probably know there are areas where the traffic can be pretty busy One thing I've noticed he says in the last few years since president buccale came into office We've had a lot more American tourists and businessmen a lot more as they're walking along on the sidewalk It's easy to spot them too. I can spot them instantly. He says they're taller whiter and just seem more determined to get where they're going Different than tourists and businessmen from Spain or Europe who dress a little different and take more time to stop and look at things

[23:25] I've also noticed that when Americans cross the street They expect cars to stop for them in my country a car will run you down without the driver thinking twice and just keep going Oh, Zalito says as much as we like Americans. We like them a lot We'll run them over just like we'll run over our own if they don't stop and look both ways That's just a fact of life. I think Americans should know about please understand. He says pedestrians in Latin America. Do not have the right away signed Jose lito cabral Well Jose lito. Thanks for that by the way Jose lito means little Jose anything with an Ito Ito at the end of it means small that implies of course Jose lito's dad was named Jose or maybe an uncle in the family Kind of like the word junior in English

[24:12] About his advice to gringle pedestrians man. I'll tell you that is something gringles. I don't know Pedestrians do not have the right away in Latin America yet. People don't like to use the crosswalks either Latin American pedestrians do take unusual chances Turns out on any given day when I'm going down a superhighway or a regular road guys and mothers with kids will just high tail It across the busy highway at any time even when there's a cement lane barrier You know a center cement wall or barricade You'd think that it'd be enough to stop anyone from crossing in the center of the road Nope, people will still just scoot right across the road and jump over those things sometimes young mothers will do it dragging their kids along with them and for some reason and I don't get this they'll put up a

[25:00] cement barrier Separating both sides of the highway yet. There'll be an opening in it every so often Just big enough for a person or a motorcycle to slip through Thus encouraging people to whip across the street and slip through and Encouraging idiot motorcyclists to do spur the moment u-turns the fact that I've been down here a while now a couple of decades I've seen at least ten dead pedestrians on the road though I personally haven't hit one yet at least ten dead motorcyclists to not when a motorcyclist meets his maker to me It's a good day, but when a pedestrian does it's kind of sad either way It causes a capers block and you're stuck in traffic Everybody's rubbernecking and if it's a motorcyclist you can always tell the bikes spread all over the place But when it's a pedestrian often, there's no other vehicle in sight because it's hit and run

[25:48] That's the most common scenario because everyone knows and your lawyer will tell you to you stick around after you hit a pedestrian That is if he doesn't get up and walk away In other words you kill them or you send them to the hospital when the cops show they'll instantly impound your car and you're going Of course if you have your lawyer on speed dial, that's what lawyers are for down here He'll be able to get you out, but he'll also tell you off the record Sometimes it's better if you hit a pedestrian or a motorcycle just to get the hell out of it. Hey, I'm not encouraging you to do Anything illegal. I'm just telling you what I've heard from every single one of my lawyers whether I was in Costa Rica Mexico Guatemala Salvador Colombia Honduras Panama anywhere in Latin America. I'm talking about private conversations I've had with lawyers off the record now Meanwhile officially with a nudge in a wink. They'll always tell you if you get in an accident stick around and

[26:39] Finally comes an email from Joel. He says Johnny. I'm a Canadian. You're right Latin Americans love US tourists But everywhere else in the world They love the US dollar and just barely seem to tolerate US tourists Joel says I have a story for you as mentioned I'm a Canadian and when I was in Panama last year I was sitting in a nice hotel bar next to an older English gentleman We sat next to each other for such a long time in silence that finally we said a few words to each other Starting with where we were from and why we happened to be in Panama Suddenly he turned a bit red and profusely started apologizing to me for thinking I was an American After he found out I was Canadian and not American He was more than civil to me and opened right up even bought me a drink. You were right Johnny

[27:29] Keep up the good work signed Joel from Toronto You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail dot com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in Central America Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail dot com