#1343 – The Ugly American: Stereotypes, Tourist Behavior, and Cultural Observations

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Alright, we're on so what about that ugly American tourist cliche? I've heard that a lot from people who don't travel They say that ugly American thing. That's a lie How could that be we're such nice guys and we spend a lot of money in all those countries

[00:46] How can they say we're ugly Americans besides we're clean use deodorant have nice teeth What are we doing wrong that they don't like us? So is that ugly American reputation deserved or not? Of course You've heard me say many times that the rest of the world might think we're ugly Americans, but they love us in Latin America Except on the gringo tourist trail because we're pushy and want things our way. We are ugly Americans Here's what I've noticed in my 30 plus years of bumping and sometimes colliding into American tourists Both on and off the tourist trail here in Latin America Well first I have to say I've seen a lot of Europeans roll their eyes and Whisper when a bunch of gringos or a gringo family walk into a bar or restaurant

[01:32] I know what they're thinking. I hope those Americans don't come over here and sit close to us Why do they dislike us in Europe because we do have this reputation amongst Europeans Anyway, that we're quite loud and boisterous. At least we're friendly and talkative. What's so bad about that? Probably nothing but well, I can tell you one thing about traveling Americans Many of them if not, most of them since that covid it thing and even way back when back to 9 11 I truly believe most Americans have become soft. They've been beaten and bitch slapped into submission. For example You want to know who are the very first people at the airport to take their shoes off at security? Americans and they're the first to unpack their shit and suck up the TSA and airport security, too While people from other countries Europeans and such they don't bow down so easily to authority

[02:23] It's sad to see but Americans have gone soft Unfortunately for so long they've had that American kind of independent spirit kicked out of them Keep your distance wear a mask rub this boogery crap on your hands. Take your shoes off Everyone's a potential terrorist Americans have had all that crap beaten into their heads over and over again and they accept it Oh and another thing i've noticed meeting up with Americans and bumping into them down here in latin america They often ask dumb questions signaling They are clueless gringos when they should know better Showing their ignorance even though most of them most travelers that is are college graduates Though i'm seeing more and more that doesn't mean dick these days man I can't tell you how many times i've seen clueless gringos here in latin america say things like

[03:09] Hmm. Look at that temperature gauge. It says 19 for the weather today What's that in degrees fahrenheit? Well, luckily there's google right because americans can't add subtract or multiply without a calculator by the way I've been telling people the following for years now When you see a temperature in degrees centigrade if you want to get a really good approximation of what it is in fahrenheit Just double it and add 30 For example, if you see it says 20 degrees centigrade, then you double that it's 40 and add 30, right? Making it 70 degrees fahrenheit man. I'm telling you how could you get through four years of college even more and not know that oh well Only speaking of gringo tourists asking stupid questions

[03:54] Now for those of you who've heard that cliche no question is stupid. Well, I beg to differ I can't tell you how many times i've been standing in a store a marketplace next to a couple of gringo tourists And one of them will say to the other or to the person selling something It says 26 colonas or pesos or quetzales. What's that in american money? Or worse yet you'll hear an american tourist complain to another saying I don't get it Why don't they post their prices in american money? Oh and here's another clueless gringo giveaway gringo tourists in latin america have a certain way of dressing Not all americans but most of them they dress like they're doing some hardcore exploring in the amazon wearing the most expensive brands

[04:42] Eddie bower ll bean patagonia north face They just love to show up in their new and squeaky clean trekking gear Even when staying at a hilton or all-inclusive resort They dress like they're going python hunting with crocodile dandy and if their clothes are creased or rumpled their factory distressed You know you pay extra for that Another thing i've noticed with gringo tourists even gringo expats who've been down here a while They often pronounce things in spanish horribly And make zero attempts to pronounce things correctly even though they've heard the locals say it correctly many times The perfect example is how canadians pronounce Costa Rica, they just keep butchering it Costa Rica even canadians who've been living in the country for years

[05:28] Though in defense of the gringo here on that count. I have to admit latinos and latinas will almost never correct your spanish They could but they don't because they're too polite. In fact, i've asked a few of my latino friends. Why don't you correct us? They all say pretty much the same thing. We get what you're saying. We understand even if you muddied it up It would be unkind to be critical because at least you're trying to talk to us in our language All right, fair enough. I get it. But here's the problem I can't tell you how many times i've asked my own latino friends and my latina girlfriends I want them to correct my errors and of course, they'll agree and maybe do it that day for an hour or so Then the following day or the next time you see them, they won't correct you. It'll be as if you never brought it up I've noticed they just don't feel comfortable correcting a gringo's bad spanish

[06:17] Of course, if you're taking a spanish class or paying for a spanish tutor That's what you're paying them for and they will correct you. It's part of the job But if you're just on a neighborly or friendly basis with latino or latina Even if you try to force the issue, it just might never happen. They will not correct you Oh, and by the way, one of the surest signs that your smack dab on the gringo tourist trail is when you see a gaggle of people Following someone around with a flag, you know, that's a tour group Man, i'll tell you it amazes me how many people opt for the cattle car approach to touring another country Though I understand it's a favorite for really old people especially old ladies with canes and walkers Traveling in groups like my mother always does with her friends. I call them the widows club

[07:03] She has this little group of old ladies five or six widows whose husbands all died and left the money Every couple months they fly off to some destination Like rome or london or buenos adis on a completely controlled and pre-packaged tour All of them giving little earbuds and radios so that the guy with the flag Can give him the canned monotone version of what they could have read in a tour book or on the internet You know, it's a big relief for me I never see guided tours like that when i'm off the gringo tourist trail, which is 90 to 95 percent of the time Man, when you see a group of people following a guy with a flag, you know, you're dead on the gringo tourist trail Though just to set the record straight. I took three such tours myself though never in latin america

[07:50] But only because I knew if I did not sign up for one of those tours I'd have to wait three or four hours in line to get into the places. I was looking to see One of those places was in barcelona spain la sega lada Man, you got to see that thing at least once in your life It's a wonder of the world and if you don't buy a tour package, you're gonna wait in line four hours to get tickets But if you buy a tour package online a couple of weeks ahead of when you're going to be there You jump the line and walk right in Second place I took a guided tour was the vatican Same thing there if you don't buy a tour weeks ahead, you're gonna wait in line two to four hours With the tour you jump the line and get in right away And finally I took a guided tour of pompe for a different reason pompe is so huge. It's a giant city There's just so much to see and if you don't know your way around

[08:38] You could lose your bearings get lost and miss out on all the good stuff It's like a maze you could end up in a dead end and miss half of everything However with a guided tour you get to see the best of the best So yes in those three places. I did the guided tour thing and it turned out for the best I'd highly recommend doing it that way myself. But as for latin america, forget about it I've never done a guided tour though I've seen many groups of obese americans and old ladies with walkers all of them with earbuds and little walkie talkies Following a guy with a flag again. That's when you know, you're in the exact epicenter of the gringo tourist trip Oh, and there's another way to spot gringo tourists a mile away, especially The college-age american tourists on through maybe age 35 even 40 They seem to love to wear t-shirts and sweatshirts with their college name or football team logo on it

[09:29] They especially like to wear and show off the logo of the more expensive high-end well-known colleges in the states Prestige colleges whether they attended or not, you know, Princeton, Yale, Columbia, UCLA, Stanford, Brown MIT duke Though I have to admit most young american tourists except American and european backpackers have one thing in common They smell good having showered that morning and used deodorant regularly They brushed her teeth and all the ladies at least will have even used floss that day again I'm not referring to backpackers here though as a rule european backpackers are much stinkier than their american backpacker counterparts Oh by the way, here's a story Once I was in a bus station with nice sort of high-end buses, you know movies bathroom air conditioning

[10:17] They were not chicken buses. So there weren't very many poor and really low-end clients Anyway, I was stuck there for a while and american backpackers sat down right next to me pretty disheveled greasy hair Lots of bug bites on his legs a dead giveaway. He'd been sleeping in a hostel Anyway, I was sitting next to that guy maybe two hours and he was a bit Odiferous and I guess he knew it because you know, we'd speak once in a while I mean hell we were sitting next to each other two hours. He said sorry if I reek a bit He said I made the mistake of buying this organic natural deodorant with all organic. No toxic chemicals Methyl parabens and that stuff in it and you know what I gave it a try and it doesn't work for shit And I said so you're switching back to corporate capitalist deodorants then He said I guess so but I wish someone would clue in that german group of guys

[11:06] At my hotel that it's okay to use the ottoman. I said, what about you? Why don't you tell him? He said I wouldn't want to get that close Then I looked at the bug bites on his legs and thought it's a high price to pay for being a backpacker Now where were we? Oh, yeah spotting clueless gringos in latin america You can spot them because of their personal space issues You longtime listeners have heard me say that latin american people will actually lean on you when standing in lines Even worse i've been in lines where a mom standing right next to me has a kid And the kid will stare at me often for minutes at a time The kid won't say anything. He'll just look and look Maybe sucking on his fingers the whole time little snot dripping from his nose And sometimes thank god only sometimes the kid will reach out and touch me man. I hate that though

[11:56] I'll tell you little latin american kids That is middle class lower middle class even poor kids. They rarely act up They don't whine or beg for attention very respectful and quiet It's the children of the rich who are generally entitled jerks just like american kids sound familiar But believe me unless you're at a high-end mall a starbucks or an expensive restaurant You'll rarely run into an entitled rich kid So I don't mind standing in line with the average latin american middle class kid as long as he's not touching me Now of course if his mother sees him doing that she's going to stop it right away But generally she's looking somewhere else just patiently standing in line like everyone else Oh, and here's another thing I have noticed about american tourists. They love to wear authentic brand name. Jim clothes running shoes

[12:44] Workout clothes often brand new stuff, but just for the trip I've noticed even 80 year old american tourists with walkers and canes are wearing brand new nike's or pumas And of course the universal gringo tourist identifier cargo pants or shorts now personally I like cargo pants and shorts because they've got a lot of pockets and nobody cares how wrinkled they get That's sort of the way they're supposed to be But still it's our universal gringo tourist identifier because latinos have got a better sense of style than that I guess that's why you almost never see him in cargo pants or shorts It's funny even the poorest of latinos and latinas dress quite nice when they're going out And like my buddy expat eddie says The only surefire way to tell if a latina comes from lower middle or upper class

[13:33] Is by checking out her fingernails and her shoes Of course if she's got a couple of bodyguards following her through the mall carrying her packages No need checking her hands or shoes. You just know she's spoiled rich and high maintenance But that's kind of rare other than that Suppose you're just at a coffee joint or the bank or post office and you see a beautiful girl All dolled up. Well, most of them are all dolled up. No matter where they go as expat eddie points out Check her shoes and her fingernails a rich girl or high maintenance girl will always have perfect fingernails and new or unscuffed shoes Don't be fooled if she's got a Gucci purse or a high-end brand name anything the fake stuff looks just as good as the real I can't tell the difference. Can you they've even got plastic looking like leather and smelling like leather, too

[14:19] That used to be the big giveaway I remember shopping for furniture here in latin america and sitting on a leather couch man It felt and moved and squished like leather. I had real leather before so I should have known the difference Had me fooled until I leaned down and took a whiff. Nope Telltale plastic smell not leather though. It seems in the last year or two or three. They've conquered that too These days some of the more expensive fake leather that looks like real leather and feels like it even smells like real leather, too I've noticed the marketing guys are in on the act because fake leather often has a brand name on the ticket that has the word leather in it a marketing trick I've discovered that even in the sales people selling that stuff in stores think it's real leather But it ain't anyway The point is the average latina can't afford to go every week and have her nails done

[15:06] Like the wealthier ladies can and definitely can't afford to buy new shoes every time they start getting ratty as usual I digress now. Where were we? Oh, yeah talking about how to spot clueless gringos on vacation Needless to say most american tourists are overweight or obese And of course their kids are usually out of shape too and their whining kids When they're not out of control are constantly on their devices But almost all black american tourists under 30 dress like hip-hop gangsters. Yep. That's right sad But true and they just love wearing basketball and football jerseys with the famous player's name and number on the back There are literally thousands of blinged out young black tourists here in latin america at any given time Wearing lebron james michael jordan, etc etc jerseys everywhere they go nothing wrong with that

[15:53] But funny how I can never remember seeing any young american white tourists wearing basketball jerseys I don't get it, but there's a lot of things I don't get By the way on mainland central and south america. I rarely run into black american tourists They just don't seem to come to latin america much But occasionally you spot one or two I'd say on average only about one in a hundred tourists. I run into off the gringo tourist trail Are black americans does any of that sound racist to you? Can I get in trouble for saying that probably? Well, I don't give a shit funny How you can't even get near a subject like that on a podcast or talk show without certain brain dead fools calling you a racist I guess people just don't like facts that might collide with their fantasies

[16:39] However, there's one place where you do see quite a few black american tourists So they're not the kind of americans i'd ever hang with that would be in the dr the dominican republic Not everywhere in the dr either just in certain small areas. Now. Why would that be? That's because there are podcasters up in the united states black podcasters Pushing to their black male audiences that the dr is the place to go for really cheap sex and hookups with really beautiful women In fact, it's become such a big business. There are certain beach towns in the dominican republic one called sasua It's just loaded with hookers and gold diggers and low-class american blinged out black tourists Yep, in fact that town sasua is so infamous. It's been renamed or nicknamed the sewer

[17:26] sasua the sewer Now, why do you think a formerly very nice beach town would get a terrible nickname like that? Well, it's because a couple of black podcasters up in the states with all black male audiences Promoted that town and others as the place to get cheap sex and just hang and get drunk and do drugs With no one to bother you. No cops. No, nothing Well, so many of them came down from the states suddenly that little town of sasua was drawing all kinds of gold diggers And prostitutes from all over the dr Well, i'll tell you the legit tourist agencies are not recommending the place at all and even those original black podcasters Who are really pushing the place? They've backed off and some of them have even stopped podcasting because they know they've created a monster Now elsewhere in the dr Some of the beach towns are very nice and in no way contaminated like sasua or some of the other nearby towns

[18:18] Now remember I originally said if you go to the dr You'll see lots and lots of black american tourists black american male tourists. That is sure You run into the occasional black female american tourists, but again few and far in between I mean, come on. What's that tell you when 95 percent of the black tourists in the dominican republic are male And only about five percent female Just remember how those towns got contaminated It all started a few years back up in the states when a couple of low-class black podcasters with mostly low-class uneducated listeners Promoted certain areas of the dr as a place to go for some fun cheap sex and no repercussions Now since we're on such a touchy subject How about a personal story that happened at one of my seminars as it turns out one of my expat seminar attendees who was also black

[19:08] You know I almost always have at least one or two black people at my seminar And of course everyone who attends my seminar is above average Some even brilliant and beyond and this guy was very smart anyway Regarding this particular black guy at my seminar when the seminar was over we kept in touch He said when he got back to the states, he told his two best buddies how great latin america was They said they'd love to take a trip to latin america with him But they were worried they wouldn't be allowed to get a passport because each had a felony charge By the way, the guy told me when we were talking about families and stuff That he'd escaped the ghetto because of his high IQ and nerdiness He was bullied a lot at school He said for that and mostly hung with college-bound white kids and latinos in high school

[19:55] I think that's why his english had not a trace of ghetto speak in it a very eloquent speaker But as he said hanging out with the nerds and taking high level classes in high school paid off in college scholarships And then, you know We were talking about families and connections and he said his father abandoned the family When he was young and he said he had one brother in prison for life on a murder charge And I remember as we were sitting there and he told me that story He said it with an absolutely neutral voice like he was talking about the weather or something It was so different from my childhood uneventful neutral two parents in the house kind of milk toast lifestyle that I grew up in I remember thinking at the time What can you say to someone who tells you something like that that he grew up in a war zone? And here he was a young guy huge success making tons of money

[20:44] Legitimately sort of living on a different planet from the one he grew up on again What can you say to someone who tells you a story like that? It's almost impossible to relate I'll tell you thinking back the worst thing that happened in my whole neighborhood when I was growing up a couple of blocks away Catholic girl I went to school with her very Catholic dad sucked on a tailpipe in the garage When he found out his wife was having an affair. That was sort of the neighborhood scandal of the decade So what's that got to do with anything? Well, we were talking about crimes misdemeanors felonies and stuff that might prevent you from getting a passport Well as it turns out a while back now when I first found out about those black podcasters Who were specifically promoting sex tourism in the dr in that town of sasua aka the sewer?

[21:30] Well, guess what? Just out of curiosity. I listened into one of those shows and when I tuned in the guy was reading emails and answering questions One of those emails was about that very subject a guy was writing and saying gee I'd really like to come down to sasua, but i'm on probation got a rap sheet, etc, etc Anyway listing his crimes. He was wondering if his crimes were serious enough to prohibit him from getting a passport I mean really that's the kind of listening audience this guy had And then the guy the podcaster went into a spiel about how so many of his listeners had felonies He warned his listeners not to commit any serious crimes or they might not be able to come down, which is a good thing Then he told his listeners to check online with a particular us government website where apparently they list criminal offenses

[22:16] That will stop you from getting a passport and or will get your international travel privileges revoked Now here's where the plot thickens About a year and a half two years ago now One of those black podcasters sent me an email out of the blue He wanted to have a little chat with me on skype You remember skype, don't you at one time? It was quite popular Anyway, I was kind of shocked when he told me because of his and some other black male targeted podcasts Sisua was booming with black american male tourists looking to party. He said he was monetizing it now get this and believe me I'm not condoning it. But here's what he did every week or two. He'd rent a yacht for a day And he'd throw a party usually on a saturday or a sunday He called it if I remember the orgy cruise he'd charge

[23:03] I think he said a hundred bucks ahead for the whole day. All you could drink I think he said you could get 30 or 40 people on this boat Well, he'd have booze and food and about a dozen bikini clad prostitutes They'd head out through the sky blue waters for a day of drinking eating and bible studies, of course Now remember this conversation was a year and a half two years ago Though I did find out things got so out of hand. He actually moved from the dr Liquidated his stake in whatever he had and got the hell out Rumor has had he got salted mugged or threatened? Nobody knows but those kinds of things do go along with the territory Anyway, you shouldn't be surprised hearing a story like that once in a while after all this show is all about latin America the good the bad the ugly and the great and there's just a little bit of the ugly

[23:53] All right, speaking of american tourists and how to spot him Comes an email from cloud He says johnny I have a vacation home in the algarve in portugal It's a really hot tourist spot, especially for german's french and british He states what you said in the previous show about americans and their teeth is absolutely true Here in the algarve in portugal he says about 80 of all the tourists are europeans maybe 20 american Yes, I have noticed that american travelers all have straight white teeth as do I have He says european tourists and people from other foreign countries think every one of us americans has nice straight pearly white teeth What they don't know is a lot of americans are poor and the ones with missing yellow or brown teeth don't travel much

[24:42] They have other priorities like food clothes utilities and paying the rent on the double wide in my experience He says americans with bad teeth don't travel overseas But european tourists coming on vacation to portugal They get nice three or four day weekend package deals round trip for two or three hundred euros Travel agencies are always running those kinds of specials and that two or three hundred euro price is the hotel and airfare It's so affordable. He says we often get some rough and rowdy groups, especially from the uk and germany Oddly enough. He says contrary to what you might believe Americans here are the most well behaved of tourists Hotel and restaurant operators much prefer them over german's and brits who often get slashed and start fights

[25:30] By the way before we quit today. I like to say a few words about shoplifting here in latin america You know i'm seeing more and more stores even small stores with an employee or rent a cop at the exit Checking your bag against your receipt used to be for years You only saw that being done in places like price mart, you know cusco But now i'm seeing those kinds of security checks popping up everywhere. I wonder if that's happening up in the states I don't know why you can steal under a thousand bucks for this stuff and they let you slide Thing is down here. If you get caught shoplifting, you will end up down at the police station spending the night in jail Well, I should say you will if you're a latin american, but you won't if you're a gringo Thing is i've talked to some renticops down here Some latin american lawyers too and and I just never hear any stories about gringo's getting nailed

[26:17] For shoplifting or any kind of theft though one renticop at a big supermarket once told me He caught a gringo eating grapes and cheese in the produce aisle And the renticop just walked up to him shook his finger and said nope don't do that. Uh-uh. No bueno Anyway, it seems to me any gringo invocation or gringo expat down here is not stupid enough to shop with Because we all know and have heard of what latin american prisons are like Not that you a gringo or expat whatever have to worry about going to prison for a shoplifting charge Maybe if you rob the bank or something, but Still remember this is latin america and you can buy your way out of practically anything anyway, of course Thieving or shoplifting of any kind is not recommended. Then again, some gringos and gringas are kleptomaniacs

[27:06] In fact, I have a high school buddy in chicago who got a scholarship to harvard law And I was working at a cole's department store and we caught his mother shoplifting My buddy mark told me it was the most embarrassing day of his life Because he like me In high school stocked shelves at that store Imagine your mother getting caught for shoplifting at a store you worked at an absolutely true story And he kleptos in your family You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in central america

[27:52] Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b. Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com No spamos