#1372 – The Expat Files: Love, Scams, and Cultural Nuances in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to The Exped Files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started How about we start today's show with a few lonely Hearts Club emails? Don't you just love it when gringo's up north right in about their extreme failures in love romance? And just trying to find a good match in a romantic partner up in the states doesn't seem to happen much anymore

[00:47] Does it yep seems like there's more failures than successes called frick assos in espanol frick assos rhymes with Picasso Yes, I've got stacks and stacks of emails from disillusioned first-world gringo's who've had nothing But bad luck in the love romance and marriage department up in the states funny too How during that honeymoon period anyway that lasts anyway for a month to six months even a year? Most people think they've won the love lottery I guess we all feel that way in the beginning as one relationship expert put it How is it that we marry the most wonderful person in the world and end up divorcing the biggest jerk? Now as far as Picasso is concerned bear with me now I just mentioned his name so it is somewhat related a while back. I read his biography He was a pretty disgusting little man about five foot four out of shape pot-bellied

[01:38] Smelled bad by all accounts pretty gross and rude yet He claimed to have slept with well over a hundred women all willingly to without getting paid for it Some extreme beauties to no gringo advantage there for him. It was the artists advantage yep fame and talent as points Anyway, I do get a constant trickle of emails from love-lorn gringos up in the states who've had nothing But bad luck and drama and the love and romance department funny How they all seem to end their emails with talk about a plan B in Latin America is that so strange? Does it rub American ladies living up in the states the wrong way it sure does Anyway, these guys usually middle-aged guys from I'd say 45 to 60 usually Recently divorced and after 20 something years back into the mating game, and it's so different these days

[02:26] They write me because they're super frustrated and hope to find love and romance in Latin America So after their divorce and going through the mating and dating ringer in the first world They've heard all the rumors that latinas are more kind generous less demanding more tolerant more loving and affectionate Accepting of their partners defects etc. Etc. That's the rumor anyway And I've seen it play out exactly like that many many times though I've also seen many gringo latina relationships crash and burn spectacularly, too So how's that happen because there's lots of gold diggers out there called chapiadores Hanging out and trolling those internet dating apps just waiting to hook a gringo sometimes multiple gringos at a time Just imagine you're a love-lorn gringo 50 years old of moderate means living in Chicago

[03:14] You've been chatting away for a couple weeks or months with a beautiful Colombian living in Bogota You're really bonding with her and she's been filling you in on her less than first world lifestyle And you're starting to feel sorry for she's the breadwinner and you want to help her out of it She's going to university taking care of mom and grandma who's got cataracts and diabetes She's mentioned her deadbeat dad who abandoned the family a long time ago. She's behind on the red, etc. Etc. You send her a hundred bucks a month because a hundred bucks a month You do it because you want to help her out. It makes you feel good and that kind of dough a hundred bucks a month It's not gonna break any American guys bank account. Hey in the States That's a night out on a dinner date Only problem is if you found that girl on a cupid dating site chances are in fact more than 50% of the time

[04:04] It's all bullshit and she's got you and five or ten other gullible gringos on the line They're sending her 50 to a hundred bucks a month as well for her working gullible gringos is a job Where she had gold-digging chapiadores like her generally have a Latino scumbag Boyfriend in the background who put her up to it and you're helping to support the both of them The whole trick there for the girl who's playing that game is to pick on level or an American guys Who don't have the means or time to actually make the trip down of course the guy will surely mention He's coming down in six months or a year whenever his next vacation comes up for a gold digger That's plenty of time to garners sympathy set the hook and get the dough coming in through Western Union Of course, by the way, so many tens of thousands of chapiadores, you know

[04:52] Gold diggers use Western Union so often they don't even call it Western Union anymore. They call it Western They've shortened it to just Western as in I'm going down to Western tomorrow Boya here a Western manana those online gold diggers could size up a gullible gringo in a hurry Guys like my own brother who when living up in Chicago got screwed out of thousands So today we'll dip into the Lonely Hearts Club email file now some people the cynical ones might say Like my own sisters living up in Chicago They'll make the argument that it's a big mistake to think that the grass is always green around the other side of the hill in This case on the other side of the border. Well, there's our Oracle expat Eddie how he says Love Lauren gringos who've had bad luck up in the states are not just looking for greener pastures. They're looking for any pasture

[05:43] That's why when guys get older, they're bound to lower their standards After all, you're not the buff young energized guy you once were same goes for you middle-aged ladies out there That's the way it goes and what you're in for if you play the mating dating game up in the States But you know down here in Latin America with your gringo and gringo advantage It's as if you hit the reset button and are starting the game over Remember once you land down here in Latin America, especially off the gringo tourist trail You automatically add two or three points to your score. Think of Picasso. He was short ugly and had bad hygiene Anyway, let's start off with this email from Sal Sal is a guy in New Jersey He says Johnny up here in the States specifically, New Jersey. The ladies know absolutely

[06:31] Nothing about rejection us men. We're Masters of rejection most of us average-looking guys have advanced degrees in rejection women if they're halfway good-looking even just normal They just kind of glide through life as compared to us men doors are open for women. They get on a bus They get a seat they get their groceries carried for them to the car They get a flat tire or the car conks out in no time. There's five guys helping them. They just have no idea about rejection Take me. He says I'm an average-looking guy. I'm 42 years old and when it comes to women I must have been rejected five hundred times in my life. Maybe a thousand who's counting All I know is it's happened all my life Unless you're rich or look like Brad Pitt in this prime mortal men are experts at being rejected

[07:21] We're really good at it. Think job interviews and resumes I know guys who've sent out 200 or more resumes and not got a single bite funny How engineers and nerds never have that problem though depends if you went to university to study or party mistakes were made I'm not crying about it Then he says think of rejection when men approach women for romantic purposes The rejection rates for men are astoundingly high for men Rejection is a central feature of our lives the central feature of the human courtship ritual In fact, he goes on to say I read once that the human race is nothing but a continuous experiment run by women They really do control the entire mating dating game and only 10% of males

[08:07] Like you said Johnny the 666 males, that's six feet tall six figure income in six inches at first I laughed when you mentioned it on your show, but you're absolutely right They're the only males that don't suffer the consequences of a lifetime of rejections All right, me Johnny here kicking in with my two cents, you know that 666 thing you've heard of it, right? Well, I think it's time for me to clue you in about life here in Latin America down here The ladies do focus in on the top 10% of men, but it's not 666 It's 5 5 5 5 foot 5 5 figure salary 5 inches Don't laugh because that in a nutshell Explains the entirety of your gringo advantage in the mating dating love and romance department

[08:54] So guys, how do you stack up? I imagine pretty damn good when you come down here to Latin America You're in the upper 10% of desirability for sure Whether you're a 5 5 5 or a 666 you win actually you're probably in the upper 1% of desirability You would just have to get that through your head and make it work for you After all a lot of gringles and expats come down here with their self-esteem at a pretty low ebb Why wouldn't it be after being rejected a thousand times up in the States? Now, of course, I haven't lived up in the States for years and years, but I'm hearing what it's like People tell me guys tell me it's much much worse than it ever was But I digress as usual. Where were we? Oh, yeah. All right back to Sal's email He says Johnny from man rejection is a central feature of the human courtship ritual in many species

[09:42] The courtship ritual involves a built-in test of persistence. That's certainly true of American males Competition is part of life and with competition comes the constant reality that one might be rejected or defeated But seriously when is enough enough for me Sal says it happened a long long time ago But I just did not have the confidence or the nest egg to sell everything get a plan B and move to Latin America Though for years it's been in the back of my mind knowing at me speaking rejection Johnny There are actually rejection websites on how to get over it rejection blogs, too Yep, rejection blogs once called a hundred days of rejection therapy Where the author challenges you to complete a hundred tasks that are just asking for rejection

[10:28] In order to harden yourself up when a real face-to-face test comes along So how you supposed to do that? Well, he says one way is to walk up to a stranger on the street and ask if you could borrow 10 bucks Again, unless you look like Brad Pitt in his prime, you're definitely gonna get rejected The truth is Johnny some American males after being rejected so many thousands of times And of course, it's getting worse with the me too movement for some American guys these days There's an absolute crippling fear of walking up to a woman so maybe some guys who are absolutely spineless really do need to practice and Whether it's just that some guys give up too easily or too petrified to approach a girl It's not at all that easy to say just be persistent Because these days any kind of extra persistence at all can get you in trouble even a glance that lasts too long

[11:20] most girls now consider it a micro sexual harassment a Microaggression so whereas maybe 20 or 30 years ago persistence Sometimes did pay off these days. It just might get you fired cancelled or labeled a sexual deviant But since life ain't fair women don't have that trouble unless of course, they look like Oprah or Lizzo Then they aren't really attractive to us guys till they're worth seven figures Hmm Sal Johnny here. I don't know about that make it eight figures Alright back to Sal. He says funny thing to Johnny when I was coming of age around the millennium in my formative years He says stories of repeated rejection were at the root of many romantic success stories in movies plays and books

[12:11] But that was before the days of the internet the iPhone social media the me to movement and cancel culture Approaching women around the millennium was never as scary as it is now Nowadays when I get together with my American buddies my own age They're just plain scared off by women and don't put in the effort like they used to It's not that we're just tired of being rejected. We're used to that. That's the way life has been It's just that rejection in the US has been taken to a whole new level It's just not worth the effort anymore, and I know that you Johnny like to ask the question. How's your bland B coming? Well, I am happy to say just fine, and I'll see you at your next seminar Signed Sal B. Trenton, New Jersey. Well Sal. Thanks for that

[12:56] I'm here to tell you once you enter the mating and dating game here in Latin America You will on occasion get rejected though believe me almost never in a rude or unsettling way They're always so kind and nice about it and as far as those petty and stupid ass micro aggressions and such I've never met a single Latin American man or woman who's ever even heard of that crap It's really true you guys up in the states and Canada are living in a completely different world a different planet Walking on eggshells all the time when talking to people Having to worry about if you're gonna hurt someone's delicate little snowflake feelings Sounds like a terrible life to me. You can have it Oh, and the other thing you have to know is that here in Latin America girls are so used to getting hit on by Latin guys You know it's that macho gene

[13:43] There's nothing admirable about it, but women down here have gotten used to it You know every good-looking girl that walks by if she's alone that is walking alone She'll get oogled and whistled at they're used to it They sort of both love and hate the attention, but know how to handle it, too They know better they don't smile they skip the eye contact and just keep on going oh And here's something I don't think I ever mentioned every time I go to a bank up to a bank teller female if she's not an old matronly lady She's a young you know girl in her 20s 30s or 40s. It never fails. I catch her looking at my hands I finally figured what that's all about they're looking for a wedding ring or that telltale Indentation that you took it off before you came in that's the age-old trick so many married Latin guys use Latino guys

[14:32] married guys included have that roving eye and they're always looking to hook up and they won't get much success if they're sporting a Wedding ring, but it leaves a telltale Indentation too and a bit of a contrasting tan line oh, and there's another little thing I've noticed when you first start talking to a Latina a stranger now It's true almost every good-looking Latina has a boyfriend most often He's not the man of her dreams, but a boyfriend nevertheless good-looking girls always seem to have one Here's what I've noticed if you're bantering with a girl You've just met if you ask her let's say to have a cup of coffee with you She might say I don't know or I don't think so I have a boyfriend or maybe even I can't I have a boyfriend so then is it over should you give up now in the states It's probably prudent that you throw in the towel Microaggressions can get you cancelled you've been warned

[15:21] but Down here much of the time it's part of the mating dating game the difference down here Is that oftentimes the game is just beginning as the Brits would say the game is a foot That's when you might say Really you have a boyfriend huh of course every beautiful girl has a boyfriend But is he the boyfriend the man of your dreams now in no way is that a standard line? She certainly hasn't heard that one before it's also a big gringo advantage that Latino men have about zero Creativity when it comes to opening lines seems every Latina has heard that opener You've got such beautiful eyes a million times. They're sick of hearing it Anyway as far as asking a Latina girl of her boyfriends the man of her dreams

[16:08] I can only remember once and all the time I've been down here a girl has said yes He is the man of my dreams of course then I found out she'd only been going with the guy Like a month or a month and a half so she probably hadn't caught him cheating on her yet I know I know I sound so cynical every Latin guy cheats on his girlfriend That's what I've been telling you guys and gals on this show. How could they all be cheating? Well, let's put it this way out of the hundreds of Latin American guys. I've come to know well enough They've opened up to me about personal stuff. I'd say only three of those guys were incapable of cheating and they were all Engineering type nerds not that they didn't think about it because all their brothers cousins dads uncles They certainly cheated and were bad influences But nerds of any culture are a different sort normally super high in loyalty and conscientiousness

[16:57] So over the years, I've racked up lots of stats on Latinos Hell, you know guys when they get together, they like to talk right especially macho guys They talk a little bit about their conquests not much But you see him in action believe me never fails when a hot girl walks by or is sitting nearby They just sort of switch into the Rico suave persona and it's game on then There's the fact that most Latinas in a way are hypocrites the girls down here The ladies will black play defense for their cheating brothers when I was living up in the states I could never I would never ask my sisters to do that for me You get what I'm saying, right down here in Latin America It's not unusual at all for a guy who's been cheating on his wife To ask his sister to lie for him

[17:42] I've seen it happen a number of times and my Latino friends admit their sisters will lie for them For example, I just heard this one last week a guy a Latino guy. I know he's got two kids He's married. He tells his wife tonight. He's gonna be home a little bit late He's gonna visit his mom a guy visiting his old mom. That's a nice thing to do Only he was really out cheating on his wife. He comes home late his Latino wife Suspicious as they all are when a guy comes home late and slightly drunk She phones up the sister who lives at mom's house to to verify He really did go to moms and she covers for now, of course She'll give her brother a little scolding but she'll still block for him now What I don't get is if most Latinas will play defense for their brothers, you know blood is thicker than water and all that

[18:32] I'm thinking they complain just a little bit too much when their own husbands and boyfriends cheat on them It's a strange thing because that's something I would never ask my sisters to do if I were even to mention such a thing They'd raise holy hell only in Latin America. Then again, I might be wrong guys Would your sisters up in the States cover for you? Oh and speaking of my own Latina girlfriend She told me she would cover for her brother, but only if she really disliked his wife or girlfriend That's the irony Latinas will enable their brother's bad behavior yet Bemoan the fact that their boyfriends cheat on them and when I said why why would you do that? She said think of it this way. Would you lie to keep your brother out of jail? I said, hmm depends But probably she says I rest my case. You know, she did give me something to think about

[19:19] How about you? Would you lie to keep your brother or sister or mother or father out of jail? It is a fair question All right, speaking of throwing in the towel on love and romance up in the States and coming down here to Latin America to look for it Here's an email from rich from DuPage, Illinois. I know it well He's 52 years old in decent shape a seven to seven point five on the scale. He rates himself Doesn't tell me if he's a 666 or a 5 5 5 but he does say he's a radiology tech makes good money You know doing MRIs and CAT scans and all that probably make a hundred grand or so a year, right? So he's got the six-figure thing going for him. He says Johnny. I'm divorced two years ago I've started going out of the house again on a quest to meet a lady and to find one that's not demanding or neurotic

[20:10] It's pretty tough. I Try my best to stay off the dating apps though. I do look at him sometimes. They just pretty much scare me instead. I Go to the dog park the gym. I'm checking out ethnic festivals art fairs music festivals Trying to meet some flesh-and-blood ladies in person like the good old days of the late 80s when I first started dating I Discovered though when I tried to use the same old-fashioned approach say for example to a lady nice dress you look good in it You know give her a sincere compliment to break the ice Somehow the ice just doesn't break and if they don't just outright snub me I detect they are slightly annoyed Like I was invading their space or committing some kind of crime by complimenting them

[20:57] So after a summer's worth of that, I'm kind of gun-shy about approaching girls now Finally I signed up for a dating app but opted out after speaking with one of my friends You see Johnny one of my best friends another x-ray tech got scammed out of a few grand By a Filipina he met on that site a girl He said he'd been texting with for some months He sent her dough and a plane ticket to come visit him. He went to the airport and she never showed up He stood around like an idiot like a fool flowers in his hand for three hours Thinking the worst that something bad had happened to her She finally texted him said she was stuck at a layover in Hawaii. The plane was held up for mechanical problems She said she needed another 500 bucks to stay over a night and catch a plane the next day

[21:45] That's when he finally knew it was all BS when a plane has problems They cancel it and you have to stay overnight the airline pays for your hotel and expenses. Anyway, then rich says Johnny American guys are so gullible when it comes to matters of the heart. I probably would have fallen for that one too He says Johnny. I'm truly not looking for love anymore not love American style However, love Latin style is another thing. That's why my next plan is to spend a few weeks in Central America Get the lay of the land a bit just sort of poke around slow and easy No plans to see if what you say about that gringo advantage is really true if it's even have to I promise I'll go back to church again in the meantime any Suggestions will be truly appreciated signed rich from DuPage, Illinois

[22:34] Well rich, thanks for that. Hope you have good luck Here's a couple of quick tips stay off the gringo tourist trail try to visit and hang around some nice Middle-class shopping malls pick a favorite coffee shop and be a frequent customer Don't frequent gringo hangouts like Starbucks or gringo expat bars There are always gringo expat bars even off the gringo tourist trail Don't try too hard don't fall in love with the first girl you meet and don't expect to hit the jackpot unless you've been down here some months and Kind of get the feel of things because if you're any kind of longtime listener to the show you've heard me say a million times Most gringles don't even know what the gringo advantage is until they've been down here six months or so Finally by then it dawns on most of us that we're living some kind of privileged existence

[23:20] Just being a gringo or a gringo open stores. Oh and clean yourself up a bit and try not to come off as a backpacker There are only two kinds of gringos that irritate the locals number one backpackers Mostly because they're so damn cheap barely tip in our often Oh difference number two gringos Who've overpopulated the tourist areas the locals there will smile on your face because you tipping gringo dollars But inside they don't really much like us at all can't blame them We've so jacked up the cost of living they can't afford to rent or buy there anymore Oh, by the way talking to a Latino restaurant owner just the other day He told me he and some of his other restaurant owner buddies don't like Canadians much either Oh, he says they're nice people. All right, but they're terrible tippers

[24:05] You know, that was the first time I heard that must be because these days Canada itself is so damn expensive with high Unemployment and on the skids. I understand the cost of living up There's about 40% more on average than the US the other sad thing about Canada that I heard recently from Well educated Canadian himself He said if you think the average Canadian is as well up as the average US American you're wrong According to stats that he showed him to me the average Canadian makes only 60% 60% of what the average US American makes about on par with the average American living in Arkansas worse than that the average Canadians cost of living is 40% higher this Canadian guy told me the only thing Canadians have going for him is they've got so-called free health care an appointment for which you sometimes have to wait four months

[24:56] But it's free and great for accidents and trauma you get served first up But sorry if you've got some kind of chronic problem like diabetes arthritis macular degeneration It's take your place at the end of the line, please and the line is a couple blocks long Which begs that question even more for Canadians? How is your plan be coming? Speaking of Canadians and speaking of getting the hell out of Dodge I recently listened to a rant from a 30 something Canadian guy who was on vacation in Los Angeles first time in California He said he always wanted to see Hollywood Disneyland and the Queen Mary the original Queen Mary You know is docked in Long Beach. It's a restaurant anyway while in Los Angeles. He went into a drugstore He said he couldn't believe that the toothpaste toothbrushes and dental floss were behind a locked glass door

[25:47] You know where you might lock up expensive tools or guns and ammo He said he had to press a button for a guy to come back around the counter and open it up for him He said the guy looked back and forth opened the door Very quickly took stuff out handed to him and slammed the door and locked it in a hurry The Canadian guy said my natural thought was to ask the guy Why put that nickel and dime stuff in a lockup and then I said have a look over there and he pointed to a guy About 20 foot down the aisle stooped over who was stuffing bars of candy and sweets down his socks Do I need to ask that question again? How's your plan be coming? Didn't think so Alright, we're getting to the end of this show now I just like to mention one thing that's been kind of bothering me. Sometimes people tell me I use too many statistics. I

[26:37] Interpret too many graphs and charts. Sometimes too many numbers making things not quite clear Muddying things up even worse. And of course, you know how stats can lie depending on who's presenting them Especially when it comes to elections. Remember what Stalin said. It's not the people that vote who count But the people who count the votes anyway I guess you've got a point but us engineers and nerds love numbers and stats. We live by them I know I know the problem in general people just don't like math. In fact, I can't tell you how many people non stem types Tell me Johnny. I hate math always did so I get it. Maybe 10% of the population like sir can do math Well, I also realized a long time ago people who hate math generally have much lower lifetime earnings

[27:22] No surprise there that said here's one final very sad fact for you 10 out of 5 Americans cannot interpret statistics You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail dot com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in Central America Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com