#1383 – The Expat Files: Finding Love and Culture in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Alright, let's start off by talking about some sexy stuff Beginning with this email from Jordan. He's in Dallas, Texas. He says Johnny. I'm coming down. I can't take it anymore I'm getting the hell out of Dodge. I'm getting my plan be going. It's been in the works for at least a year now

[00:47] But what really pushed me over the edge Johnny is that now that I'm divorced I'm 48 years older back into the dating game. Even though I was married for 20 years I thought getting back into the game can't be that much different than it was when I was younger Little did I know I found out after going on a few dates that I have to work five times as hard To find a girl who's half as good or as successful as me He says Johnny I did a lot better in the mating dating world when I was in my 20s when I wasn't at all successful And pretty much clueless about women to boot He says I'm saying that something is really broken with the mating and dating situation in the United States

[01:33] All the women seem so complicated and carrying so much baggage. I'm not saying I don't have my own I'm just looking for a nice girl with not a lot of toxic baggage Because I know in the end whatever baggage she has I'll end up carrying that around with me, too He says American girls are just too complicated read Neurotic now I might be complicated too, but I know I'm not neurotic So my question is Johnny once I get down to Latin America What would you say are the best places to meet a nice girl in person? That is not online on those mating Cupid site I'm no good with those kinds of things. I tried online dating here in Texas for a while and Got pretty much nowhere with it waste of time The only thing it proved to me that I was not one of those ten percent of guys that all the women swipe on

[02:21] What an ego killer. I got virtually no interest from any of the women I liked Got lots of interest from gold diggers and sex workers though. That's why I'd like to know Johnny Where are the best places to meet a nice Latina girl? I mean face to face in person once I get down there looking forward to getting down there and checking out of the rat race signed Jordan Well, thanks for that Jordan. You know, you're not the only one who has that question on his mind But you never told me how good or bad your Spanish is. I know lots of people from Texas speak a little Spanish So hopefully you're on your way But you know one of the key things to hooking up with regular nice ladies, you know keepers nice girls Not just one-night stands You've got a hell of a lot better chance of meeting a lot more of them if you speak a little Spanish

[03:07] I know some of those people online in those expat blocks will say hey You don't need to know Spanish because you got Google Translate. You can go back and forth on your phone translating Almost instantaneously as you talk or type Well, that's certainly a plus over trying to communicate with a language barrier as it was in the past, but it's not perfect It's just a crutch Real meaningful communication will still be hampered. The big thing to remember is this Almost all of her friends and family will not speak a word of English Well, I take that back They'll always be something the family who knows 10 or 20 words and they'll try everyone on you and man I'll tell you that gets sold pretty fast. You heard me say in a past show you marry the girl You marry the family and latinas and Latinos are very social much more So then gringo is an expat and once you have a latina girlfriend

[03:55] You will be dragged from event to event with family and friends and you'll be sitting there like an idiot If you don't know any Spanish, I'm telling you this from the experience I can't tell you how many times I've been sitting on someone's couch. Well, there are big conversations going on in that room They're laughing and joking and even sometimes speaking to me and I don't get a single word of it I'm talking about a long time ago now first five years down here took about five years from my Spanish to kick in before that Nothing now in that first five years and this is embarrassing I must have spent 500 hours sitting on people's couches. Just looking down into my hands and twiddling my thumbs And you know, I always had a little mp3 player in my pocket to listen to podcasts and such Many times I stick just one earbud in my ear and listen to podcasts while everyone else was speaking in Spanish

[04:44] Which I did not understand. Guess what? I found out very quickly that my latina girlfriends did not like that They don't like you sitting there with an earbud in your ear while everyone else is speaking Even if you don't understand a single thing, I was scolded by my latina girlfriend. She told me I was being rude Looking back on it. I probably was to turn the tables Imagine if someone was sitting in a group of me and my friends with an earbud and is here I just might think that guy was rude. I'd certainly think he didn't belong Anyway, just remember what I said if you get a latina girlfriend or girls Gringos if you get a latino boyfriend if you don't speak at least some Spanish You're gonna be spending a lot of time in other people's houses Wondering what the hell you're doing there. Now, I think in a way I was embarrassed into learning Spanish

[05:32] Or at least embarrassing to putting more effort into it when I first came down to Latin America I was in Costa Rica back then my Costa Rican girlfriend who spoke pretty good English She dragged me to the family dinner every Sunday at her mother's house So we'd be sitting around the house her mother her brothers her sisters her aunts her uncles None of them speaking English now in Costa Rica you see everyone wants to speak English and most people under 40 do English-speaking tourists are their bread and butter. So obviously they learn to adapt and fast Then there's the older crowd the over 40 crowd. They're not working in the tourist business They're regular people working regular jobs. They don't come in contact with gringos much So they don't speak English so naturally at the Sunday get-togethers everyone spoke Spanish except me

[06:23] Now one particular Sunday at the family get together. I had my hallelujah moment I was sort of embarrassed into making a hard decision about learning Spanish that particular Sunday I walked into the house sat down in the Sala the dining room My girlfriend's mother greeted me said mucho gusto and grabbed my arm She asked me to get up moved me to another chair towards the end of the room She turned on the TV and switched through the channels till she came to an English speaking channel The Disney Channel or some such trash So from that Sunday on I was sort of quarantined off in a corner with the TV to occupy me While the rest of the family sat towards the other end of the room and babbled away in Spanish That's when I realized this is not good. I can't live like this

[07:10] I have to learn some Spanish and I'm not going to learn it here in Costa Rica So I took off next stop Antigua, Guatemala Where I was assured by one of my gringo buddies that in Antigua, Guatemala You could not help but learn your Spanish because no one speaks English at that time anyway Turns out Antigua Guatemala was a place that many many gringos went to learn their Spanish. It was loaded with Spanish schools Spanish tutors and immersion families That took in gringos by the week or month where it was guaranteed only a hundred percent Spanish was spoken in the house A real trial by fire, but man it works The problem though with living with an immersion family Is that you're living with them 24 seven. So you have to eat their food too So you just might be spending a lot of time in the bathroom if you know what I mean

[08:00] Let's just say good king Montezuma will have his revenge If you're unlucky like me, he'll be a routine visitor That's what happened to me and why I lasted only about two weeks Hell of a weight loss program though better than a zimpic Anyway, just a little heads up and what you might be looking forward to if you don't speak any Spanish But where were we? Oh, yeah, jordan's original question. Where's the best place to meet a nice latin girl in person? We're not talking about one night stands and quick hookups. We're talking about a nice permanent girlfriend material Well, if you're looking for a nice grounded middle class latina girl Look no farther than girls who work at banks supermarkets Ladies who work at clothing stores hardware stores

[08:45] Oh, and I should mention that one of my gringo expat buddies is married to a nice level-headed latina doctor You know how he met her? He'd just come down to guadamala Was looking to hook up with a health insurance plan. He found one And since he was over 50 years old, I think it was 53 They made him take a physical The insurance company that is that was one of their norms if you're under 50 no physical required over 50. Yes He had to get a blood panel done and see a doctor. So he went to a big hospital nearby where he lived They had a big lab facility there and you walk in and take a number And you wait and you wait till they call your number then they take your blood etc, etc Well, he said it was like an hour and a half wait Lots of people coming and going and lots of people sitting in the waiting room. There's about 25 chairs there

[09:34] They were almost all filled. He was sitting in one of them And when they called his number he went up to the designated window where he took down his dad's And he just said he couldn't believe it. There was this beautiful young latina taking his dad's smiling at him Eye contact was great. He couldn't believe how overly friendly she seemed Obviously, he said she knew a lot more about him than he knew about her because she was taking down his stats Meaning also she knew he was single. Of course, she had her name tag on because she was a hospital worker Anyway, he noted that as she ushered him off through another door where he had the blood worked on and he took off Next day he came back to get the results Took a number again waited 45 minutes. They called him to a different window There were six or seven cashier windows. He said then the chances are he wouldn't get that girl

[10:23] But he didn't go to that different window He walked up to the window. He was at the day before she looked at his number and said oh i'm the wrong person You're supposed to go to window x or whatever. He said nope. You're the right person. All right I just wanted to stop and say hi So she smiled and laughed a bit and he went to the proper window. Well my buddy being persistent Here's what he did next. He went through the hospital looking for the cafeteria. It was a bit before noon He sat down and watched the people file in on their lunch break all the young ladies with their name tags Dozens and dozens of them. It was a big hospital Filing by getting their food sitting down in their little groups and coffee clutching Finally he saw the young girl he was interested in walk in he made his move

[11:10] He went over sat down next to her. He introduced himself once again He said I just moved down here and my spanish is really terrible So excuse me if I sound like an imbecile then she laughed and said and my english is really terrible He said i'll tell you what how about we have a cup of coffee once in a while And you can help me with my spanish and i'll help you with your english long story short They became boyfriend and girlfriend by the way, she was in her third year of medical school. She was working at the hospital She needed to work because she was a single mother with a four-year-old kid Anyway, she graduated a full-fledged md And that's how one of my 50 something expat gringle buddies met his 28 year old wife So jordan think about it any hospital here in latin america is loaded with eligible female

[11:57] I think the female workers outnumber the guys maybe 10 to 1 and again, if you're off the gringo tourist trail Like I always recommend when you walk into one of those places, you'll be the only gringo there And with your gringo advantage, you can believe this or not Anyone you want to talk to is going to be very kind and nice to you No, one's going to be standoffish or give you the cold shoulder I've heard stories of what it's like approaching women up in the states Gringo guys tell me if you're not handsome or studly or one of the successful 10 percenters You could easily get the cold shoulder or the look that says don't bother me. What are you a pervert? Get out of my space Isn't it funny when a handsome guy complements a girl up in the states. She's gracious about it But when a guy who's joe average or less complements a girl, she's irritated and doesn't even make eye contact

[12:47] Hey, i've seen it happen with my own sisters Oh well, but that kind of thing does not happen here in latin america Not to gringos. Anyway Of course, there are lots of low-end latinos who are rude about it. They hiss And whistle and cat call and the girls do not like that That's something that educated cultured upper-class latinas will never do nor of course will gringos and expats So it is true latinas get propositioned by all kinds of guys some are often relentless That's why many latinas especially the very beautiful ones have developed a thick skin about it But back to that question jordan asked where are the best places to find nice latina girls, you know Plenty of gringos have said johnny. What about the gym picking up a girl or approaching a girl at the gym?

[13:35] In fact just the other day that question came up one gringle guy was telling me that up in the states You dare not approach a girl at the gym Unless again, you are super handsome and well chiseled. Isn't that funny? The irony is that up in the states and down here in latin america girls always wear the tightest Sexiest gym wear leggings body suits yoga pants, etc Sort of giving guys the idea that they're advertising their sexiness When in fact the vast majority of them are just there to work out They don't want people to bother them or stare at them. They just want to exercise The problem is you don't wear a gunny sack to the gym. You wear gym clothes, which are tight and form fitting That's the style. That's the way it is Now down here in latin america. The gym scene is quite different than it is up in the states down here

[14:21] There are three kinds of gyms expensive high-end gyms like gold gyms and a lot of franchise gyms Charging about 40 to 50 bucks a month, you know gringo prices And they stick you with a year or even 18 month contract, too Only latinos with money can afford that kind of gym I always advise gringos and expats who sign up for those kinds of gym memberships I tell them you're gonna meet a lot of beautiful eligible women lots of divorcees And 20 something women living at home whose parents have dough now when you go for a workout You just might be the only gringo there And you will find it's easy to talk to those women and get dates, etc, etc But look out they're very high maintenance Of course, they don't know that they're living in a bubble. They really are The thing is the women and guys for that matter

[15:08] They could be at the cheaper gyms and save some money, but they don't care about that It's about the show and being seen It can be more about that than getting in any meaningful exercise Really and if you notice most of the people there have high-end expensive cars Some even rolex watches and all the right fashion and designer clothes Some have drivers and bodyguards not all of them, of course, but the majority of them Oh and note that almost all the ladies at those high-end gyms will speak english Accented but proper english that means many of them were born with a silver spoon went to those expensive bilingual helicopter schools That's how they learned their english so proper and so well They learned it properly. They did not pick it up on the streets

[15:54] Oh and by the way It's pretty much a guarantee that everyone at those high-end gyms has been to the united states quite a few times legally Because their husbands ex-husbands or parents had the dough They've all been to disney world nueva york been shopping in my jammy Hey, i'm not saying they're not nice girls, but they are jaded girls high maintenance girls Living in that particular high-end bubble and you'll have to keep them there if you hook up with them So that's what you're in for if you're looking for love at one of the high-end latin american gyms Now remember I said there are three kinds of gyms in latin america That's the high-end then they're sort of the middle-class gym They've got all the same equipment as the gold's gyms and the very high-end gyms But they're in a more middle-class little scruffier neighborhood

[16:40] They'll run about half as much as a gold's gym membership about 20 bucks a month again There'll be some really hot women dedicated to working out And again, if you join one of those gyms, which is highly recommended if you like gyms If you're off the gringo tourist trail, you'll probably be the only gringo in there when you're doing your workout And being that you have your gringo advantage, it'll be easy to approach any woman there and they will be nice to you They'll treat you kindly But of course being that it is a slightly lower class gym than a gold's gym You will notice certain guys that is latino men exuding their machoism And as mentioned previously latin american girls know how to handle They've been hit on so many times by all different kinds of guys that they've developed a thick skin about it

[17:28] Again, your gringo advantage sort of breaks through all that latinas. The ladies have stereotyped gringos in a good way I don't have to go into it. You know what i'm talking about Let me put it this way one of my gringo buddies who ended up marrying a latina girl happily ever after too. It seems like She told him after they'd been going out a couple of months. What a special guy. He was he said What do you mean special in what way i'm just a regular nice guy because he knew he wasn't the warmest guy He wasn't a touchy feely guy He didn't like to kiss or hold a girl's hand in public. So he wasn't overly affectionate He said he knew he didn't spend a lot of money on her. They just went to average restaurants He didn't buy name brand stuff for her or himself. They shopped at regular stores Well, it turns out she said when they went out to dinner on one of their first dates

[18:15] He ordered a bottle of wine And they sat there for an hour or two talking and sipping away at it having a good old time A couple of weeks later another date they had a bottle of wine did same thing Had a great old time. Anyway, what she said to him was she knew he was a special guy Because here she was single mother 30 years old Had an ex-husband and a couple of previous boyfriends like any beautiful 30 year old lady She said what impressed her so much was he was the first guy Whoever took her to dinner Who studied the wine list and actually bought a bottle of wine never she said had a latino guy ever done that Study the wine list and actually order a bottle of wine at a restaurant He said oh really that was it. It was that easy

[19:02] So he said remind me next time we eat out We'll order a $50 bottle of wine if they had $15 stuff in pressure imagine what the $50 stuff will do Then she said it's just that my ex and all the guys i've known just drink beer and Usually way too much of it. She said you gringos just have more culture more class The thing is she didn't say he had more culture or more class. She said you gringos Collectively, you know, that's the stereotype now. I don't know about that that we have more culture and more class But I can tell you this white trash and trailer park gringos don't come down here to latin america They don't bother for a lot of reasons For one, they don't much have the desire to travel. They don't have the money. They don't have a passport It is the fact that lower income less educated less cultured gringos do not travel not internationally anyway

[19:50] So in fact a rougher grocer less educated american types just don't come down here Well, maybe with the exception of expat eddie, but there's always an exception, right? So basically the stereotypes that latinas have about us gringos does hold up Simply because the cruder rougher less educated examples of us just don't come down to latin america. So they don't see what they're like Plus if you've noticed I think the world has noticed that americans basically take care of their kids Financially and otherwise even if they're divorced american guys do pay child support They're forced to by law whereas down here in latin america. I've actually talked to a couple of lawyers about this They tell me about one in ten latin american guys with kids Actually pay child support though. They're supposed to they just don't latino ladies know this equation. It's simple

[20:38] They know latino guys almost never pay child support and gringo guys do and that in itself in the eyes of a latina Puts us gringos on a pedestal far above the average latino guy But I digress as usual. Where are we? Oh, yeah talking about how to find a nice young lady in a latin american gym Or if that's a good idea at all I mean putting your own 40 or 50 something soft pot belly on display in front of all those jacked latinos Still being that you're the only gringo there and you've got the gringo advantage you can add one or two points to your 10 score All right So we spoke about the first two kinds of gyms now the third kind which is the bottom of the barrel type Found in most all low-end neighborhoods A cheap smelly gym with rusted out equipment. No showers a stinky bathroom or two, but no place to really change

[21:27] All for the low low price of 10 to 15 bucks a month Actually, you could pay by the day or the week a couple of bucks for the day, etc, etc. But as for me I wouldn't recommend it. They're just so unsanitary But hey, they have members they're going businesses Now is it a good place to meet nice young ladies where I can tell you this Here in latin america as you go lower and lower on the gym totem pole The more people with crazy ass tattoos and wild ass hairdos. I'm talking about ladies and men Obviously, they're drawing people from the local neighborhood So I guarantee you you walk into one of those gyms. You'll be the only gringo there Probably the only gringo within a five mile radius Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you'll be in any danger. You won't

[22:13] It's just that gringo is an expats unless you've gone native do not live in neighborhoods like that We're talking about neighborhoods where the average rent for a two-bedroom apartment would be 150 to 250 a month Safe enough during the day, but I wouldn't want to walk around alone at night Definitely would not want to leave my car parked on the street overnight Now one final note on jordan's question about where to find nice average latin american good girls, you know girlfriend material Well consider the usual suspects like church oddly enough bowling alleys Yeah, they got bowling alleys down here pretty popular too. Oh and don't forget parks, especially dog parks Oh, and I don't recommend starbucks neither for their plasticized overpriced coffee

[22:59] Or for meeting eligible nice girls. Sure. There are some eligible nice girls there, but they're all high maintenance Believe me. You don't go to starbucks and hang out unless you've got dough or lots of dough in your family Or you're a child of the rich, etc, etc If you don't believe me just take a walk through any starbucks There are hundreds if not thousands of them down here Guess where they are In high-end malls high-end business districts and in wealthy residential areas Why do you think they put starbucks in those locations and not in rough ragged around the edge low-end barrios? obvious, right Oh, and by the way earlier I mentioned that I don't think it's a good idea to look for a love match or a nice girl In an expensive high-end gym like a gold gym Well, I don't have time to talk about it now because we're getting close to the end of the show

[23:46] But i've got two very good stories about personal friends of mine gringos Who did just that broke the rule went against my advice and first guy met a girl there and ended up marrying her Turned into a big disaster. The other guy Met a girl at a high-end gym Turns out she's a lawyer single mother though He's been with her for a while. I think seven or eight months down. He said to me johnny. I don't know I'm thinking now. This was a bad idea. How am I gonna get out of it? He said i'm hoping to have a soft landing after I break it off, but I don't think so. It's complicated By the way, both of the girls in question speak perfect english courtesy of bilingual helicopter schools when they were young You know, that's a big big red flag as far as i'm concerned

[24:32] But some gringos never learned especially gringos who never had an exceptionally beautiful or sexy girlfriend or wife When they were back up in the states a lot of us expats, you know Maybe most of us expats never had such a girl in our lives Not until we landed in latin america And often newly arrived gringos as dumb and naive as we are We fall for the first young pretty face that shows us any interest and many if not most of us jump in way too fast Why so many gringos and expats get burned in their first few romantic relationships? Anyway, if you listeners out there want me to tell those two stories Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com. Give me a thumbs up and i'll lay them out for you Perfect examples of what not to do Meanwhile back in cuba an example of socialism at its finest. Have you heard about what's happening there now so far?

[25:22] 15 days without electrical power on the whole island Can you imagine yourself being without power for 15 days running? So then why'd that happen? Well, here's why Moscow gave a loan of 1 320 million dollars to cuba in the year 2022 to build an 800 megawatt electric power generator And it's 2024 now almost 2025 and no ground has been broken Also, there's no indication where the money went when china granted cuba a loan of 1.8 billion in 2006 to build two power plants Where'd that money go to this? You have to add the 1.4 billion dollars to japanese lent cuba as well as 500 million The mexicans lent cuba in 2013 all for power generation. Where'd that money go? Where are those power generators?

[26:13] No ground has been broken So now the entire island has blackouts that last for days And the price for propane gas for cooking has increased from 300 pesos to 1200 pesos in less than a year That's 400 inflation in one year And now today if any cuban wants to buy a propane gas cylinder for cooking they need 20 000 pesos That's just over 60 dollars The drawback is that ten dollars is the minimum monthly wage Add this to the lack of water on the island because water takes electricity to pump Some cities are without water for a week already For example to have a truck deliver the water for your 250 gallon cistern that will require a payment of 50 000 pesos Unfortunately, that's what the average cuban pensioner earns in two and a half years

[27:03] Yep, socialism. That's what america's creeping towards Or more like galloping towards By the way, one of my venezuelan friends tells me if they let illegals vote in the states the venezuelans will vote for trump Why because they're coming from a ruined socialist country and they see what's on the horizon for the us Same with the cubans. They're all voting for trump because they come from a ruined communist country They see the us under democrats galloping in that direction You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in central america

[27:51] Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com