#1390 – The Expat Files: Email vs. WhatsApp, Cultural Observations, and More

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Alright first, let's start with a little insult and insult directed at me It's from Lester who happens to be a 20-something. He says Johnny you have to quit with this email stuff That's for loser boomers. I notice how when I listen to your show

[00:48] You're always saying for this or that or whatever. Send me an email the expat files, etc, etc. I repeat Johnny Emails are for loser boomers. Why don't you get with it up your game a notch and get into the 21st century Start texting using what's up like the rest of the modern world signed Lester in East LA Alright Lester. Thanks for that. Kinda. So what you're suggesting is that I should use what's up Well, obviously you're a new listener Because consistent long-term listeners know I hate what's up It's owned by fart succatured and only really exists to collect your debt and sell it to the highest bidder I'm not saying you should forget using it all together because down here in Latin America If you don't have what's up installed, you'll never be able to connect with a carpenter plumber electrician get anything delivered, etc

[01:39] Because Latin America absolutely runs and operates on what's up. So reluctantly I do have what's up You take what's up away from Latinos and their whole culture will grind to a halt You think they're on manana time now. Oh, and if you're a single guy, you won't even be able to get a date Unless you have what's up. In fact, if you meet someone you want to date, let's say a bank teller She gives you her what's up number and you say well, I don't have what's up She's gonna think you're from another planet or that you've been living in a cave for the past five years in Any event should be quite suspicious and just might nix the whole deal Oh and just like connecting with a potential girlfriend up in the States. She'll do a search on you. Yep She'll check up on you. See if there's things you haven't told her about like if you're married or lying about something or other

[02:27] Anyway about the what's app app? Even Latin lawyers brokers and professionals will ask you to send personal and confidential things on what's up when that happens to me I tell them no, I'll send them by email, but I won't take a photo of them or send them attached to a what's up message Oddly enough even Latino lawyers and doctors will be surprised when I mention that what's up It's not secure. Oh, really? They'll say I didn't know that. Are you sure what makes you say that and then I go into a spiel They get a little tongue-tied and say yeah, I guess I better be careful from now on So you gringles and expats out there by all means download it have it on your phone But only use it sparingly like for doctor's appointments plumber visits deliveries, etc And if you do use it for romantic hookups get your girlfriend or boyfriend to switch the signal right away

[03:18] believe me, whatever you put on what's up is like hanging a 60 inch flat screen monitor around your neck I Repeat whatever you say on there take photos of her upload is available for the whole world to see Matter of fact, that's how lots of these political crooks here in Latin America get caught They go on what's up thinking it's safe and encrypted and they talk about their secret scams Their wear transfers their dirty deals their houses and properties and other countries The crooks and criminals they mingle with they're on what's up, too In fact the cartels throughout Mexico are always on what's up. It's their preferred method of communication, too Yep, they'd be lost without it. So in a way what's up is a good thing It allows law enforcement to track thieving lard ass politicians problem is law enforcement is full of thieving lard asses, too

[04:06] By the way Lester, I do know that using email is old-fashioned and people are using it less and less I don't know if it's because fewer and fewer people can write complete paragraphs or sentences But I'm sure that has a lot to do with it, man I can't tell you how many emails I get that are just loaded with grammatical errors misspellings all over the place, too I don't get that either because people have automatic spell checks and grammar checks I'm wondering how some people still sound like fourth graders. At least you could run it through AI They'll clean it up even spiff it up for you I remember what my mother always said when I was a young kid when you write a letter business formal or informal Don't let there be one error because you will be judged I guess that kind of boomer logic doesn't fly anymore at least according to Lester

[04:55] Then again, I went to Catholic school where the nuns had big rulers and they'd kick your ass if you didn't use the Queen's English But Lester not to worry in a couple of years all us boomers will have died off or ended up in nursing homes Unless of course Ray Kurzweil singularity arrives in the next five or ten years Then us boomers will live on writing emails and forever correcting the grammar of Gen X Y and Z years So all you boomers out there, we've got that going for us and until we're all dead and gone. We will be judging you Alright moving on. Here's an email from Chuck. He says Johnny. I Just got back from a month-long trip to Panama Guatemala and El Salvador. I Noticed an extreme shortage of fat ugly pink-haired women with multiple face piercings

[05:42] Except during a layover at the Costa Rica International Airport one Santa Maria Airport where I saw a few He says am I missing something here Johnny has that sickening pink hair face piercing trend not reached Latin America yet Oh, yeah, and I noticed at the airport those pink-haired face pierced ladies were American tourists None were Latinas Alright Chuck, thanks for that very astute observation. I must say you've sort of hit the nail on the head. You're right There is a huge shortage of face pierced green and pink-haired people down here The only time I ever spot them is in two particular places on the gringo tourist trail We're talking about green got tourists here whether from the US candidate or Europe funny thing to female green pink and blue haired face pierced tourists

[06:31] Seem to outnumber their male counterparts ten to one the other place You'll spot a few is on university campuses, you know extreme gringo wannabe thing there though Not much at all on public Latino university campuses, but in private expensive universities down your expensive Latin American style anyway You'll spot them here and they're usually hanging out together. Would you like to take a stab at the reason why? Why no pierced faced green and pink-haired people at the public universities, but you'll see them at the private ones It's because mommy and daddy with money are paying for the tuition at those private universities So their kids don't have to work whereas kids at the public universities almost all of them work They're middle and lower middle-class kids whose parents do not have money

[07:18] So almost all public school university kids have a day or night job Even though public universities down here are almost free Tuitions maybe a hundred bucks a month still you got to buy books and pay for transportation and food and all that even so most Of the kids have parents earning minimum wage three or four hundred bucks a month That's why most public university kids work full or part-time jobs And guess what when you have to work at a corner store Costco or as a bank teller you can't have a nose ring or green or pink hair. You'll never get hired Oh, and by the way lately, it's not just the pink and green hair thing I'm starting to see ladies young ladies, of course, you know adolescents and 20 something's With a quarter or half of their head completely shaved to the skin and the other half a kind of crazy hairdo

[08:06] Pink green purple, whatever again 99 out of a hundred times. It's a grand got tourists. Not a Latina Hey, I'm not dissing it. You know do what you like Just responding to listener Chuck's comments and observations Wondering though how I'd feel about it if I had a kid which I don't and my kid if he was a boy brought home I pierced up pink haired girl For that matter if my kid still lived at home and he or she came home with a pierced face and pink or green or purple Air, what would I do? What would you do or maybe it's happened to you or someone you know already? I know many years ago my young sister came home and my mom spotted an ankle tattoo on her and all hell rained down For a day or two all that for a tiny tattoo no bigger than a quarter

[08:53] Speaking of tattoos and a little gringo coffee clutch last week. One of my gringo buddy said Johnny You know, it's so hard to find a Latina that doesn't have a tattoo He said it used to be you'd only see tattoos on girls that were lower class girls from the body You'll see but even upscale wealthy girls girls with nice cars and good jobs You see him working out at the gym and you spot their tattoos. It's just he said hard to get used to Especially he said the so-called tramp stamp. We all know what that is, right? Seems like down here in the big city. Anyway, every third or fourth girl has one you've seen them They're tattoos in the small of a girl's back. Well, you know, that's what they call them up in the States Tramp stamps down here in Latin America. There really is no negative translation. The tramp part does not get translated

[09:39] It's just a tattoo on your lower back So unlike just maybe five years ago now these days even upscale wealthy young Highly educated Latinas just might have one or two tattoo including a tramp stamp though They seem to be much more discreet about it You certainly don't see him with those full sleeve tattoos not with the high-end educated crown But they just might have an ankle tat or a tummy tat or a tramp stamp now personally I don't know how you guys and gals up in the States feel about all that I know the tat thing is big up there too by you or it was I hear it's slowing down a bit now Maybe because all the choice real estate has been tatted over I don't know question is what happens when the fad dies down because you know, it is a fad What happens when tattoos are no longer considered interesting or cool when only bikers and sailors get them

[10:29] what happens when your tattoo gets indistinct starts fading into oblivion like they all eventually do or You decide your husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend's name on your thigh or privates was not such a good idea Now that they're your ex though I guess you're safe Well, at least I've been told you're safe if you get your kids names tattooed on you or your mom or dad's name Or the name of a dead relative and of course, you're always in good standing with the man upstairs If you've got a Bible verse or two inked in a non vulgar place or so I was told by the way by a once in good standing defrocked preacher Then again, every gang members got a few of those verses too I wonder if it makes a difference to Jesus whether the spelling is right or not because you know a lot of those guys never

[11:15] Made it past the fourth grade. Oh And there's one more thing I should mention when you see young people especially young ladies with face piercings and pink and green purple hair About three weeks ago. I was in a big commercial center riding up an escalator and I heard two latina ladies normal ladies with normal hair and clothes Etc sort of stealthily laughing at making fun of a gring of tourists and obvious tourists Who was standing about 20 feet away in the hallway a girl with a nose ring multiple piercings and armpit and leg hair For all I know she could have been French or Belgian or American who knows? But the thing that struck me is that one of the latinas said that the other did you see that feminist over there? Feminista they instantly assumed she was a feminist of the extreme sort

[12:03] Let me explain by the way the word feminist down here feminist is not a mildly descriptive term in English up in the states Up in the states anybody could be a feminist a guy could be a feminist right? Just sort of means you're for women's rights or pretending you're for women's rights to get a date However, you call someone an extreme feminist up in the states. Well, we all know what that is That'd be leaning more towards the fat ugly nose pierced pink haired crowd out there on the street Protesting with signs in front of public buildings, you know as a general stereotype There are exceptions of course, but that is the general stereotype Whereas down here in Latin America the word feminista nearly always means extreme feminist

[12:50] It's not a neutral word. In fact, I've often heard women use it with a slight bit of sarcasm. Hey, yes feminista She's a feminist. I can tell most latinas don't want to be shoved in that category So consider that if you're down here in Latin America and you ever hear that word Feminista oh and here's something else you'll learn along the way if you're living down here a while Regular latinas on the street regular heterosexual latinas call lesbians Lesbianas, that's the Spanish word for lesbian and they don't say it with any prejudice. They just say lesbian But they also use another phrase Mari matcha the exact English translation macho Mary That's right macho Mary

[13:36] I can't tell you how many times I've been with a Latina girlfriend or some Latina girls and they'll just stealthily Blurred out that phrase Mari matcha macho Mary And the word on the street is that it seems to be the preferred phrase over lesbian lesbiana Mari matcha Well to me that phrase always makes me laugh I guess it would be like for example up in the States calling a gay guy a girly boy Anyway, hey, you know what the name of the show is right the expat files living in Latin America My aim is to expose you to the good bad ugly and the great That means you get the whole spectrum of what's happening down at the street level here in Latin America, too Even some stuff you might not want to hear about oh and by the way earlier in the show we were talking about lag time

[14:22] Right. Well, you know, it's only natural that some gringos get pretty upset and irritated when they first get down and realize that manana thing Can be a real nuisance Especially gringo types who previously had set their lives pretty much by the clock You know when you're sitting around with a bunch of gringos have been living here a long time They almost never talk about manana time because they're so used to it. They're immune or just plan ahead to work around it Well, not so long ago. I ran into a gringo buddy of mine I didn't see them probably in three quarters of a year. Let's call him cheeky He wouldn't want me to use his real name. Anyway, he's so irritated with his new Latino wife He says he wishes she was on manana time. She's on double manana time

[15:08] He says he loves her. All right, and she's a pretty bright girl really but oh he's so damn late He says he argues with her about it all the time. Why can't you get on the stick? Why can't you show up at least not one hour late, but a half an hour late? He'd be happy with that He said especially he says where they're going out Sometimes he says it takes her an hour to get ready to go into the grocery store So being that he's friends with some gringos in Guatemala who owned some of those clothing? Makilas he had one of his buddies make up a t-shirt for her Special turns out he said after having one of those repeat discussions about her tardiness her incurable lag time She said something surprisingly brilliant in Spanish, of course, because she speaks almost no English

[15:55] She said mejor tarde que feo So he had that saying put on a t-shirt for her on the front It said mejor tarde que feo on the back. It said better late than ugly That's the English translation better late than ugly Perfect, huh? Man that cracked me up. He said she wears it to the gym all the time. I Wonder if an American girl would ever wear a t-shirt like that I doubt it the thing is here in Latin America if you've got a t-shirt or sweatshirt with any kind of English words or phrases on it Give it to a Latino or Latina and they will wear it goes back to that gringo wannabe thing We've talked about that many times In fact once I was talking to one of my gringo buddies who owns three Makilas three clothing shops

[16:41] He said to me if you have any original t-shirt sayings Let me know and I jokingly said how about gringo wannabe? And he just cracked up laughing and said that probably would be a best-seller. He didn't do it though All right moving on or actually moving in reverse and flashing back to a story we talked about a couple months ago now Remember I was telling you about my buddy a concert pianist who moved to New York in August after spending about 10 years in Europe He sent his personal piano a Steinway grand that he's had since he was 14 years old that arrived in Port Newark Sent to a warehouse where the US Federal Fish and Wildlife Service refused to let him claim it why? Because it had ivory keys Claiming it violated a ban on importing ivory even though the piano was made before the ban went into effect

[17:31] Well guess what the New York Times. I hate that rag anyway it picked up on the story So it's getting some big publicity now anyway. He says in the story He spent already 10,000 bucks first to pay the warehouse that the government forced him to send the piano to then to pay a second warehouse where the piano was Eventually moved and now remains while the ivory keys get removed one by one by the Steinway tech and replaced with Plastic one of the things he found out along the way was that to ship a piano with ivory keys to the US the importer must Identify what species of elephant the keys came from and the year the keys were installed Along with a host of other information regarding the animal the elephant or elephants according to the Fish and Wildlife Service elephant ivory used in musical instruments may be imported as long as it was removed from the

[18:22] wild the elephant that is before 1976 those musical instruments must also have a valid instrument certificate of origin etc etc Anyway to get that piano out of the warehouse now He had to arrange for a Steinway piano technician to remove the ivory coverings from the teas a process that takes Several hours and there must be an official from the US Fish and Wildlife Service standing by collecting each piece of ivory and Cataloging it as it comes off The keys will eventually get reprocessed with new plastic tops another large expense for my buddy And for now though the instrument remains in the warehouse in New Jersey. It cannot even be played You're not allowed to play it. Meanwhile the weather and the humidity in that warehouse takes its toll So what's the moral of this story? Well, my buddy was living in Europe for 10 years

[19:12] Pining to come back to the US because Europe's falling apart. He says it's absolutely not the same Europe He moved to 10 years ago now in the states He's facing another shock faced with the stark reality that it's not at all the place He hoped to come back to just goes to show sometimes. It's not enough to have a plan B. You need a plan C, too Meanwhile, and I bet you didn't know this Europe is being flooded with drugs from South America And you wonder how could that be the logistics are crazy. It seems quite easy to get drugs into the states I mean tons are flowing through all the time You've seen photos of the hidden Compartments and trucks and cars and how the cartels and their coyotes use the legal to walk the stuff right on through In fact, I've heard the number one way to get fentanyl and cocaine into the United States is in the backpacks of illegal aliens

[20:02] Turns out they get a break on the coyote fee of anywhere from six to nine thousand bucks if they carry a load of Cocaine or fentanyl, but it's not quite so easy to get that product over to Europe. It's gotta go over a big pond That means most all of it's got to go by boat but apparently and this might come as a shock to you a recent study by the European Commission has Revealed that most of the drugs coming into Europe Central Europe. Anyway are coming from Ecuador This is from a big South American news service help I East it says a new study commissioned by the European Commission Reveals alarming levels of cocaine contamination in Ecuador's major seaports the report indicates a staggering 68% of all Ecuadorian export products

[20:49] including bananas and other agricultural goods are Contaminated during transit it says according to a government report Analyzing data over a six-month period the primary method of cocaine smuggling involves hiding the drugs in banana shipments the findings highlight that 70% of all contraband cocaine entering Europe is concealed in banana shipments either added at farms or during Transport at the ports it says in addition to cocaine traveling in banana shipments It's also being hidden in the hollow of pineapples and within frozen tuna shipments It says as of May 2024 only 30% of containers passing through Ecuadorian ports have undergone inspections

[21:35] So there you have it yet. Another reason why it may not be a very good idea to have your plan be an Ecuador Oh and following on the heels of that story on November 8th 2024 just what a week or so ago Spanish police in Spain Europe made the biggest cocaine seizure of all time They found 13 metric tons of the drug hidden in a shipment of bananas coming from guess where Ecuador The article says the amount discovered on October 14th Breaks the all-time previous record in Spain when nine point four tons of cocaine were found in yet another banana shipment from Ecuador Officials say it's obvious the 13 tons of cocaine were not only bound for the Spanish market The Spanish market cannot handle so many drugs all at once said the official in charge of the case

[22:25] The drug was intended to be distributed throughout Europe. Meanwhile get this an investigation uncovered 99 fictitious companies in Ecuador registered to fictitious addresses all were associated with Alvaro Naboa the father of the sitting president Daniel Naboa Investigators say the shell companies were used to dodge labor obligations on the part of Alvaro Naboa who is currently refusing to pay over 90 million dollars in delinquent back taxes to Ecuador's version of the IRS Hmm. Yeah Politicians, I still like my idea of term limits two terms only one term in office and one term in prison Hey now, how about that for a t-shirt?

[23:11] speaking of politicians and elections Danny O from New York writes he says Johnny Wow, you should see the anger on the streets since Trump got elected He says the Democrats haven't been so upset since Lincoln freed the slaves You got a laugh, you know Lincoln was a Republican and the Democrats were the slavery party They also founded the Ku Klux Klan if you don't believe me look it up Meanwhile, if you remember just last week, I was talking about how Latin Americans absolutely love mariachi bands as opposed to most of us Gringos and expats even Americans up in the States who will pay a mariachi band to go away Anyway, wouldn't you know it on November 11th 2024 just about a week ago now

[23:57] There was a huge gathering in Mexico City of mariachis In fact over a thousand different mariachis showed up in the Central Plaza They were there to break a world's record of the most mariachis singing and playing the same song in unison in harmony I don't see how it could happen. I don't see how they ever could win and get that trophy I don't know of a single mariachi band that can sing in tune with itself and a thousand of these guys I look at a break a world record by playing and singing in harmony I for one don't want to be there though I guess it depends on how drunk the judges are and now for all you gringo and expat Spanish dunces out there You know when I first came down I was a Spanish dunce took me five years to figure out what my cleaning lady was saying behind my back Anyway, if you're a gringo or expat down here in Latin America and find yourself stuck in a crowd of people who only speak Spanish

[24:47] If you have a Latina boyfriend or girlfriend that will happen to you You will get invited to those Sunday get-togethers and you will be the only English speaker and you will probably not know what the hell They're talking about if you're slow like me not for a couple of years anyway, but really who wants to be the odd guy out? Well today have I got a deal for you. How would you like to sound like you've mastered the Spanish language? Not feel like a fool at all in front of a Spanish-speaking crowd Now you might want to write this down. I'm gonna give you a couple of key phrases and words You just slip them in a conversation once in a while and everyone around you will think you've mastered the Spanish language You're one of the boys or girls starting with si claro. You're not your head and say si claro Like the phone company claro si claro. That means yes, it's clear. I get it. See claro. I

[25:39] Get it next phrase for su pueso p. Oh are su p uesto Poor p. Oh are supuesto por supuesto means of course Next we have a single word and you ask it like a question The word is seguro seguro Seguro it means are you sure are you sure? Next we have an easy one single word posible posible is spelled just like possible But pronounced posible just means it's possible next word verdad Verdad verdad v-e-r-d-a-d. It means really and our last Spanish word you might want to remember

[26:26] So that the people around you actually think you know what they're talking about is Continua Continua spelled almost like continue continue. Ah, which means continue go on keep talking Continua. Oh and for extra credit you could use this little phrase vamos a ver vamos a ver which means We'll see So basically you've got all the English filler words. Yeah, right, of course Sure, it's possible. That's right continue and We'll see you pepper any Spanish conversation with those five or six Spanish words and phrases You will absolutely appear as if you know what they are talking about though, of course in reality

[27:12] You probably haven't got a clue. Oh and the whole thing works in reverse For example, if you're a Spanish speaker, no, no English But one out here is if you do all you got to remember are the words. Yeah, right for sure Go on and of course and for advanced extra credit. You could teach them you got that right and can a You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in Central America Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com