#1398 – The Expat Files: Life, Culture, and Challenges in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started You know the other day captain mango, and I were talking about the fact that when we see a fresh green gringo Arrived down here in Latin America looking for a plan B We were saying how we could size a person up Rather quickly that is we get a pretty good idea right away whether that person is gonna make it down here in the long run

[00:50] Will they last will they make a go of it will they fit in because you see? I don't know how many people come down here and end up going back You know with your tail between their legs or whatever But if I was to guess I'd say probably about 25% Oddly enough though about half of that 25% that go back to Cleveland or Milwaukee or whatever. They come back within two years Yep, they return to the scene of the crime Latin America gets under their skin In other words after they've had their little taste of living in Latin America what it's like to really be free When they get back to the states and jump on that treadmill again, they say wow I don't know how much longer I can take this and about half of them end up coming back And maybe they have to go through that process. They come down here Latin America live for a while They miss a lot of things they had back home in Cleveland

[01:37] Then they end up going back and thinking man I really didn't miss the US as much as I thought Not to mention the longer you've been down here in Latin America, and then you end up going back You find back in the states the more things have changed for the worse So the reasons you left in the first place weigh on you even more heavily than they did before Anyway, just a little observation from a couple of long-term expats. That is me and Captain Mango I think he's been down here something like 10 years now speaking of closely observing things here in Latin America It's funny in my stack of emails. I have dozens and dozens of rather funny and interesting observations Personal observations from various gringles and expats who've been living down here for a while, so I think today I'll lay out for you a few of those observations. I think you'll get a kick out of this I did

[02:27] Now I won't read the entire email, so I'll just read specific observations Then you think about them for a while now. I have to say I've experienced most of these myself This one's from Edgar. He says Johnny upon arriving in Columbia Medi in Columbia that is I just was not prepared for the fact that most ladies have such generous round and well-formed backsides and hefty cleavages Part of which I was told was quite natural and the other part sculpted in a surgeon's office for a price I was told it's about half and half half natural Half surgically enhanced so Johnny learning that the average salary is three or four hundred dollars a month I was wondering how can these girls afford that price of plastic surgery even here in Columbia?

[03:13] Starts at two or three thousand bucks only later did I discover the girls themselves rarely pay for those treatments because working girl a girl who works at a regular job that is at a bank or at a hotel whatever a Couple of thousand bucks is a half-year salary, so she could never afford it It's a boyfriend or sugar daddy who pays the bill and then what normally happens is a few years down the line They break up for whatever reason Generally because as you pointed out many times the guys will cheat on the girl even if she's a 10 I don't get that but it's true Cheating on your girlfriend when she's a 10. That's a mystery to me So then naturally she doesn't stay single she finds another guy her next boyfriend gets to enjoy the fruits of the other guys labors That's my observation says Edgar who's been living in Medi in now three and a half years

[04:02] Well Edgar you're right about those Colombian girls. That's also true for Venezuelan and Dominican girls as well Oh and Brazil, but you don't see that much of it at all in Argentina Chile and Uruguay nor in Ecuador Paraguay or Peru. I'm talking about those very curvy girls whether natural or enhanced Interesting when she say here's my two cents. I've observed a corollary to that seems to me I've not met a single Latin American young Latin American girl a girl. Let's say Under 40 even under 50 Who doesn't have it on her wish list to get some kind of plastic surgery whether it's liposuction butt lift nose job I can't tell you how many times I've been sitting around with some Latin American ladies and their boyfriends to in various Latino countries

[04:47] When the subject of plastic surgery comes up and believe me it comes up a lot Probably a hundred times more than it would up in the States sitting around with a bunch of people Because you see up in the States is kind of frowned upon Where people talk about it in kind of a disparaging way like oh she's had some work done Sure people up in states get it all the time, but they don't like to admit it for example up in the States You'd never say to a person wow you look great got your butt done I see that just might seem the biggest of insults with denials and red faces all around But down here in Latin America those are big compliments. Oh you're looking great. I see you got your butt done She'll probably say thank you and something like yes It does look nice doesn't it now of course you're not gonna say that to a stranger But people say it to each other to people they know all the time or for example when someone shows up with a nice thin

[05:37] Waist they never had before people might say oh looking great. I see you got that lipo You were always hoping to get yeah down here in Latin America. You could get away with saying that no problem if you know The person I'm not kidding you people down here are proud of their surgeries because not only is it a cosmetic improvement It's a statement that you're upper class enough to be able to afford that kind of stuff Down here to get plastic surgery. It's bragging rights now Here's how the subject usually come up you'll be sitting around with a bunch of Latinos or latinas and a girl who is all operated up Down here. They call it Oh, but either You know perfect hourglass figure will walk by tight clothes strutting her stuff She wants everyone to know she's had some work done As opposed to up in the states where the ladies will get some work done

[06:24] But they don't ever want to admit it or heaven forbid you should comment on it You know how it goes up in the states if a heavy girl gets lipos section She wants everyone to think it's from all those long hard hours at the gym. It's never from surgery or ozepic, right? Now down here in Latin America. There's no such false pretense. Oh and by the way, there's no ozepic down here yet either It's on some lag time, but it will come now you might be thinking Latin American girls are really superficial They all want plastic surgery and well I'll tell you if you look at those social media apps like tick tock you see the whole world is become more superficial Now in defense of latinas I have to say even when they're dressed casually believe me They've spent a lot of time in front of the mirror to get that look just right Seems the only reason a latina does not get plastic surgery is because her or her boyfriend can't afford it

[07:12] But I'm telling you it's on every latina girls wish list. I know I know what you're thinking How could it be on every latinas wish list well? I've yet to meet a latina under 40 or even 50 who wouldn't go under the knife if someone put up the cash for it And it's my observation that there's absolutely no shame in it unlike for example when I'm talking to my sisters up in the states They're always talking about some friend or acquaintance who's been under the knife or who they suspect has been under the knife Suspicions are there, but they rarely admit it. Well. Maybe to their closest friends, but not to the public at large That's the American way, but in Latin America ladies are super proud of their plastic surgery Just another one of those observations you pick up on once you've been down here a year or two or three How about this observation from Charlie L who's been in Panama for about four years now?

[08:01] He says Johnny in a previous show you were talking about how gringos and expats can get employment in Latin America But the renumeration is just not great. I'm talking about working for the man not working for yourself boy I found out the hard way you weren't lying about that. I'm an experienced video cameraman worked at many TV stations in the Houston area Well, I came down here, and I was able to get a job my credentials were sterling And I speak pretty good Spanish first place. I want they wanted to hire me alright, but the renumeration was not pretty My offer at one of the biggest TV cable stations here in Panama 800 bucks a month plus gas and mileage so it worked out to maybe a thousand bucks a month now the thing is Johnny the average Latin American would be absolutely A static with that kind of pay here in Panama thousand bucks a month makes you sort of upper-middle class

[08:53] Not gringo style middle class, but Latin American middle class Note that was about 10% of what I was earning when I was working at those Houston TV stations Talk about a blow to your ego quite a humbling experience did I take the job well of course not He says definitely if you're coming down here to have a plan be to live here permanently You should have a nice nest egg to begin with and or definitely plan on starting your own business Don't think because you got great credentials, and we're well paid in a career up in the States It's gonna transfer down here the job might but the pay won't Alright Charlie. Thanks for that speaking of pay and compensation Here's an observation from Henry from Honduras He says Johnny been living in La Saba Honduras for the past six years

[09:41] I make runs on the hydrofoil back and forth to Roatan all the time He says in a recent story you were talking about Cuban doctors how they were the number one export coming from Cuba You were saying the doctors were captured their families had to stay back home wives kids, etc So they just wouldn't disappear into the free world when their term was up. Well, here's a recent observation. Did you know that in March? 2024 Cuba sent 96 doctors medical doctors to Honduras. They came here. I believe on two-year contracts However, it didn't take long for the locals to get pissed when they found out that each Cuban doctor got $2,000 a month plus housing transport and food So then why should this piss off the local Hondurans? Because the average a Honduran doctor makes about half that a thousand a month anyhow Johnny says the natives are restless

[10:32] Alright, here's an observation from campster who's been living in Mexico about 30 miles north of Mexico City for around seven years now He says Johnny I always assumed that the Mexican and Latin people in general would have a strong libertarian streak and They'd have little interest in elections or government as a solution to anything I mean look how they run their country I always assumed naively when I first came down that the Mexicans would see people in office as thoroughly corrupt and immoral Hooked in with the cartels and to be avoided Well, I soon found out this election cycle The opposite was true even though Mexicans and Latin Americans in general have a pitifully low confidence in election results and believe Government activities useless and that they're only acting in their own political interests themselves

[11:18] Still the public goes all out post political signs everywhere and gather in great numbers for any kind of political get-together My observation he says is that Latinos expend great efforts on electoral campaigns and activism more than any thing I've ever witnessed in the United States Furthermore, there's something even more sickening. I see there's an outward reverence That people show towards public officials when they meet them on the street. I don't get that It's like kissing up to the guy that whips you or the one that takes the food out of your children's mouths Seems like Latinos suck up to anyone at all who's in the media Politicians newscasters weatherman game show hosts to the average Latino on the street. They're in a super elevated class by themselves I don't get it. All right me Johnny here. I think that's a version of Stockholm syndrome

[12:09] Anyway, you'd be amazed at the stuff. I come across when I'm reading about Latin America You must remember I mentioned in many previous shows that Latin Americans often get a completely different take on their own local and national News and that take never gets to you up in the States because it's in Spanish down here in Spanish newspapers, etc So now I'd like to talk about a misunderstood topic that gets bantered around all the time Turns out when gringos and expats get together and shoot the breeze One of the topics that often comes up is what would it take to fix the problems here in Latin America? What would need to be done to make Latin America rise up above third world status? It's also something that educated Latin Americans shoot the breeze about all Latinos would love for their countries to be first world Why wouldn't they that would mean less poverty higher income less chaos on the street less corruption more organization?

[13:00] More education better health care, etc Etc. Of course, all those measures are getting better little by little but they never reach the level of the first world Thing is every time the third world moves up a notch the first world moves up a notch. So there's always that gap Why can't Latin America catch up? Well, just recently I heard one of the most interesting explanations for all that makes so much sense Of course, I've got my own hypothesis that all the attitudes and motivations of the public are skewed by the completely corrupt actions Of their Latin American governments the lardasses of power because for centuries their governments have been staffed with nothing But ninnies and thieves and of course government supposed to set the example for the people right? Well, all that trickles down. So when the father figure your government is

[13:47] Technically like an absentee deadbeat dad That's the example set for the children and how most of them turn out and thus we have what we have Third world manana time society through and through anyway, that's how I capitalized it But then I came across this thing called the world values survey. Have you ever heard of it? Very interesting. Let me tell you what it's all about if you go to the main page on the web It says world values survey is one of the most widely used tools to measure trust Attitudes across the world from different countries. It says we present data on trust We examine how it's perceived and distributed in countries around the world We also explore the research that studies the link between trust and country economic development

[14:35] It says the world values surveys is one of the most widely used tools to measure trust attitudes across countries of the world It says the world value survey is an international research project. That's been conducting standardized nationally representative social surveys around the world for decades Now here's the good part. It says the world values survey Asks many different questions of many different people in countries all centered around trust For example, here's one of the questions asked Generally speaking would you say that most people in your country can be trusted or that you need to be very careful in dealing with them Possible answers include most people in my country can be trusted Or no, you need to be very careful when trusting people in my country Now if you go to their website, you'll see a map on the first page for example

[15:24] It says in norway and sweden more than 60 percent of the surveyed respondents think that most people in their country can be trusted At the other end of the spectrum For example in columbia brazil and peru less than 10 percent of people think you can trust your own neighbors So then what's the relationship between trust and a country's economic growth? In other words whether trust has anything to do with whether a country's first second third or fourth world Well, the question of trust has attracted the attention of economists for decades. In fact one guy Kenneth arrow who was awarded the nobel prize in economics has written volumes on the idea that trust drives economic growth Now this idea might sound simplistic to say but he observed that virtually every commercial transaction has within itself

[16:12] An element of trust certainly any transaction conducted over a period of time has an element of trust Of course, we all know that but how does the element of trust figure into latin america and the economies and third world versus first world? Well, it turns out economists who've been studying this for years now find a casual relationship Suggesting that trust does indeed drive economic growth and not just correlated with it It drives economic growth think about for example the gringo handshake deal that concept does not exist in latin america Think about how every house and business in latin america has bars over its windows a phenomena rarely seen till recently up in the states So what are the world value survey results? When asked whether most people can be trusted in their country

[16:59] Not a single latin american country reported as of 2022. Anyway more than 20 percent in the affirmative In other words on average 80 percent of latin americans said they do not trust their fellow Countrymen or neighbors and the two worst latin american countries on this scale Nicaragua and peru where just four percent of people said they trust their own neighbors Hmm, how would you like to live in a neighborhood where 96 percent of your neighbors don't trust you? Well, that's what it's like in nicaragua and peru and columbia ecuador brazil and bolivia aren't much better. They have respectively only five six seven and nine percent trust levels amongst their neighbors as a comparison Now this is 2022 data. That's the last time they did the survey Canadian and u.s. Numbers of trust are 47 and 37 percent

[17:50] In other words 47 percent of canadians say they trust their neighbors 37 percent of u.s. People trust their neighbors who leads the world in trust then? Denmark 74 percent of danes are denmarkians. That's what expat eddie calls them trust their neighbors followed by norway with 72 percent of norwegians trusting their neighbors by the way 57 percent of new zealanders trust their neighbors So what's this all mean then? Well, there's an unmistakable correlation between trusting societies and their economic activity. That's You have it low trust third world high trust first world. All right moving on changing gears a bit Here's an email from Eugene. He says johnny is latin america

[18:36] The only place where if you hire a professional house painter He splatters paint on your floors your lamps your door jams and your light switches Or is that just a state of house painting everywhere? I don't know. He says i've never had to hire someone to paint my house when I was up in the states I always did it myself down here. I thought hey, why not have the locals do it? Had my whole house painted two cones of white labor costs around 300 bucks Used 10 gallons of paint two cubietas five gallon buckets on sale 50 bucks for each five gallon bucket the local brand About a 1500 square foot apartment He painted the walls and the ceiling too such a terrible job of overpainting those splatter everywhere Now I wish I would have done it myself, but i'm a little too old and fragile to get up on the ladder

[19:22] I'm 72. He says and carrying about 30 extra pounds your take johnny signed to you jean and socket the peccas Guatemala, I know it well Sock at the peccas. What a tongue twister. I'm probably still not seeing it, right? Anyway jean good question You know, I don't think you're a long time listener because I remember maybe five six years ago I went through the whole bit about painters here in latin america So-called professional house painters are all the same. I don't care which latin american country you're in I've had quite a few houses and apartments down here and i've had many painters in and out I found the only time you're going to get a nice professional paint job where all the lines are clean no spatter, etc Is if you hire a painting crew that works on gringo first world style housing units and projects Even then you can't be sure

[20:10] I've been in latino houses brand new million dollar houses million dollars in the states anyway Or more double triple that in the states Where there's a terrific paint job same with tile work. I've seen some fantastic tile work down here and some real crap One thing you might insist on and if you're hiring a painter or tiler, you tell the guy you're looking for a detaista Detaista A person who's into the details Oh, and I mentioned there are two ways to get a detaista as far as paint jobs, etc The first way is to go to an expensive upscale neighborhood Look at the new houses under construction and if the paint jobs meet your specs hire one of those guys However, what I usually end up doing is hiring a painter Tell him firmly he must be a detaista

[20:57] Into the detail tell him that you yourself are a detaista and you expect the same then you provide drop cloths because most of them won't And you supply unlimited quantities of masking tape and you tell him to use it everywhere especially around windows Door frames and where the paint meets tile because that as far as i'm concerned is the biggest problem latino house painters They call themselves professionals. They haven't got a clue They don't bring masking tape because it costs money to buy a masking tape Oh just a couple of bucks. All right, but that's lost beer money to them Oh by the way, once expat eddie told me he hired a painting crew and he asked them for two estimates An estimate if they painted the place in their regular way and an estimate If they took their time and painted the places if it was a church or a museum turns out

[21:46] He said he ended up paying a hundred bucks more, but it was damn worth it Yep, the church of eddie. Oh and he supplied unlimited drop cloths and masking tape Hey, you know, here's a question. This is from arthur. He says johnny how safe are gated guarded communities? Obviously he's talking about gated guarded communities in latin america. Well, i'll tell you i've lived in lots of gated guarded communities And yes, they are pretty damn safe though. I've had things disappear on me It's not because someone broke into the gated guarded community or jumped the fence at night or whatever It was that one of my own employees ripped me off Gardener stole my mountain bike and never came back after that Of course, I got the bike back some months later when I spotted the guy on the road

[22:31] Probably about three four miles from my place followed him to his house out in the boonies Called my trustee lawyer. We both went to the front door got the bike back Scared the shit out of the guy. No, that was a long long time ago over 25 years ago now And of course i've had cleaning ladies pilfer things from me But that's about as bad as it gets when you live in a gated guarded community There's a big wall around it And really only one or two legal entrance points where you got to show an id go pass the guard at the gate Etc, etc But really one of my top rules is not to let a lot of people into the house. I never had big parties I think one of the worst things you could do is invite people in you don't know Though sometimes a friend or an acquaintance will stop over and bring somebody you don't know with him personally

[23:18] I don't like people. I don't know seeing what i've got. I very much discouraged that Oh, and the other thing is there are gated guarded communities and there are really heavily gated guarded communities For example take bitcoin damn Before he lived in the house he's in now He lived in a gated guarded community that had only one entrance point and i'd say maybe 100 houses in the whole community, but man was it secure There were two guys on bicycles patrolling through the place all the time. That is two guys in guards uniforms 24 7 patrolling Once in a while, I would power walk through that subdivision had some really nice gardens rivers the whole works And i'd see those guards on bikes patrolling all the time Now I think dan lived there about eight years and he told me in the whole time

[24:04] He'd never heard of a single instance of anyone getting ripped up Then again, we don't know how many times cleaning ladies and gardeners swiped stuff because residents don't report that However, I did hear of a very strange happening in an upscale gated guarded community in mexico You know with all the narcos in mexico There are certain upscale narcos living in gated guarded communities So if you live in one of those communities, you could be neighbors with a narco Now some of those narco guys have very low profiles and you'll never know your neighbor's a narco Depends how high up he is in the narco hierarchy lots of those guys at the very top You know our college educated have business degrees, etc Can be fairly cultured at the top. There aren't very many uncouth guys with face piercings and neck tattoos

[24:51] They're more the lower level enforcers So then what he's supposed to do if a narco does live in your neighborhood I mean the word might get around or maybe the guy seems low key, but he does have bad habits on occasion Maybe throwing big or sort of unusual parties with strange evil looking guys coming and going Anyway, a gringle friend living in a gated guarded community in mexico Told me there was a narco living there The guards at the guard gate knew it too and they were afraid to do anything about it In fact as it turned out later when the guards were questioned The narco guy would actually call the guard check and have them go out by fast food pizza beer and delivery for these guys Now, of course the guards never let on to anyone in the gated community that they were sort of errand boys for a narco Anyway, after some months the people in the neighborhood did figure it out

[25:37] Someone living there a high roller in that community had military personnel in his family So he called them they came in and kicked this guy out So the military actually came into the gated guarded community like they were mounting an assault there were some shots fired Must have been quite a scene So anyway, when the guards were questioned they said it had been going on for months They had stories to tell too In fact, the guard said the narco would bring in prostitutes and one day one of the girls got really scared She ran all the way to the guard shack begged them to hide her but the narco's boys came and brought her back So there you have it just another wonderful mexican bedtime story Yep, mexico where a pleasant time is guaranteed for all Though as far as gated guarded communities elsewhere in latin america. I've never heard stories like that only

[26:27] In beautiful mexico mexico lindo By the way, you know mexico has a constitution all so-called free countries have a constitution, right? Or a set of bylaws You know the original us constitution came out on four parchment pages If you print it out on a word document 11 point, it's 20 pages long As opposed to the mexican constitution, which is 400 pages long By the way, there hasn't been a change or amendment to the us constitution since 1992. What's that? 32 years turns out in that 32 years the us has had only one amendment to the constitution In that same period of time mexico has had 500 amendments to its constitution 500 talk about useless third world government chaos

[27:16] But still the us irs division takes the oscar for the most chaotic gobbledygook of a document ever created The irs code is 70 Thousand pages long which begs that question once again. How is your plan b coming? You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b send me an email the expat files at gmail.com No spamos