#1410 – The Expat Files: Challenges, Stories, and Survival Strategies

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started All right. Let's start with some news about my upcoming expat insider seminar. I'm getting a lot of emails about it When's it gonna happen Johnny? When's it gonna launch, you know months before I do a seminar? I get an ongoing list of people who are Sincerely interested in attending and I know I have to get at least 30 people on that list to firm up the dates

[00:51] Well this time around and it will be my 21st seminar It's been slow going on the list and I haven't reached 30 people yet By the way, I've got some experience with this when the list hits around 30. That means I can count out in about 15 to 20 people actually pulling the trigger actually signing up That's just the way it is human nature people promise and they don't follow through. That's alright By the way, I have had people get on the waiting list 15 even 20 different times And they still haven't pulled the trigger You get what I'm saying? I've got people sending me email after email saying Johnny once your seminar I want to get on that list man. I'm just dying to come Yes, there are people who get on that list for practically every seminar, but they don't come So, you know, I have to sort of adjust for that

[01:38] So again, I've got that running list going we're almost up to 30, but I'm not there yet. Just be patient I am the thing that puzzles me though is I've got thousands and thousands of listeners with new people coming on all the time and Obviously the number one reason for listening to this show is not because you love the smooth cadence of my voice But that you're looking to get the hell out of Dodge as quick as possible Right and I'm sort of like one of the vehicles that'll get you there in a hurry And if you're a longtime listener even I've been listening just for a short amount of time You know one of the fastest ways to get a two to five year head start on your expat plan B Is to come to one of my seminars But still it seems people would just rather sit on the fence. So in your particular case, what will it take to knock you off your perch?

[02:25] Some traumatic incident. I suppose a divorce getting fired laid off. Maybe you've had your car stolen or were assaulted Maybe it's that you're watching your city's deteriorate While illegal aliens are getting free housing free money and cell phones or possibly just can't stand being taxed at 50 plus percent It could be you've been burgled in your formerly beautiful secure neighborhood Any number of things might be the stick that breaks the camel's back. So then what's the last straw for you? What will it take to knock you off the fence? What a flag millions of people you've just been dicked around one too many times by the US government and its agencies and Finally while standing in line at the Social Security Office the VA or the driver's license bureau

[03:13] Waiting for some pink haired lard ass gatekeeper to quit filing her nails and hear your case Maybe her indifference and lack of attention will just get to you Maybe that'll be the straw that finally breaks the camel's back when you finally say get I'm out of here plan B Here I come by the way way back in engineering school There was a Middle Eastern guy next to me in one of my electronics labs I remember him telling me there is no straw that will break a camel's back He'll just sit down when you load him too heavily He said camels aren't as dumb as they look to me. It wasn't an earth-shattering moment It was not like being told as a kid. There's no such thing as Santa Claus Just the death of our common saying that sounds good, but didn't necessarily turn out to be true

[04:00] But I digress as usual Anyway, if you're just sitting coming to my upcoming expat insider seminar I'll put you on that short list send me an email the expat files at gmail.com Was planning on March, but looks like we'll have to push it into April or even May It's all up to you guys and gals and how fast we can fill that list up Alright moving on, you know, all of us expats have a mailbox usually in Miami, Florida a mail forwarding service From the USA to wherever you are in Latin America over the years We've discussed that theme quite a bit on this show It's a place that receives your mail and packages things from Amazon Etc in your name and then they forward it to your Latin American country Then they notify you by email you go pick it up or they deliver it to your door. I never let them deliver to my door

[04:48] I don't want anybody to know where I live to you That's one of the cool things about moving to Latin America or anywhere in the third world You can start fresh clean slate if you want you could become sort of anonymous not completely but sorta I say sorta because you're gonna have to put your real name and address et cetera it on government documents If you buy or rent a house, etc But even that could be overcome if you've got a good enough lawyer then you could set up an SA corporation or LLC and Have your name off of everything the corporation will own or rent your house or apartment You can use it to sign up for utilities and internet service, etc. Even your bank account I know I know everyone says you can't be anonymous anymore. Not like you used to be able to do man I'll tell you when I first got down to Latin America, I met lots of gringo and expat pretenders

[05:36] You know giving you a line of shit and you knew it But you know since there were no smartphones or really extensive internet There was no way to check up on them and who really cares let them tell their stories Yep, a lot of gringos and expats in the early days when I first came down were pretty much anonymous They created a whole new personal story and timeline for themselves Not all of course, but some though others would take their real boring life stories and embellish can't blame them for that In fact, one of my friends you've heard me talk about him Former corrupt Boston cop Bob. He told me a long time ago when I first met him That he only believes about half of what gringos and expats tell him and man There are some tall tales too. I've heard some whoppers myself So then what do you do when you suspect you're getting handed a line of shit?

[06:22] Well, you smile and you're not and you make nice You keep listening. I mean that's what makes life interesting, right? I mean look how people act on those dating services You know those cupid sites guys are noted for exaggerating their height and their income and women their weight They're vital statistics and their economic circumstances But with gringos and expats I've run into some really spectacular liars Especially the ones that are a bit ragtag and scruffy around the edges now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying all gringos lie There's lots of purely honest trustworthy ones. I've met hundreds of those two But you know lots of gringos have come down to Latin America escaping something, you know bankruptcy bad divorce on The run from creditors and in that case

[07:09] I mean you can't blame them for making up some stories or just not filling in the whole picture for you I mean really down here you meet a gringo in a coffee restaurant or a gringo bar you get to talking You know where you're from what you're doing here. I mean look at the guys on the run from creditors He's not gonna tell you the truth Who me what am I doing down here? Well, I'm on the run from Bank of America Yeah, right took a loan skipped out with the cash. No. No, you're not gonna hear anyone say that in fact I'll never forget the time. I was playing in the band with a guy for about a year and a half He was a British guy about maybe 35 years old man He always lived high on the hog always had dough But he had no visible means of support had plenty of dough though to get drunk and party and wear nice clothes, etc

[07:56] He certainly didn't seem to have any business talents though He could sing and tell stories and man he could drink but that was about it Well, I'll never forget one day The band was sitting around after a gig after lots of the band members had had way too many drinks and our guitar players had To him Latino guy Come on Dave. Where do you get your money? Come on. You can tell us you're not in finance like you always say you are you're not the serious type You like to party way too much. Come on Where do you get your money? Well, Dave swore up and down that he was in financial planning had some real star clients back in the UK That's how he made his money and in that year and a half when I knew him when he played in the band He stuck to that story Then suddenly he announced that he had to quit the band. He was going back to England for a while, but he'd be back

[08:47] Business deals and such, you know, that's what he said well as it turned out we had a band manager a German girl who got us a lot of gigs a very serious precise organized kind of woman The quiet type though. She was very good at getting us gigs all over the place the Costa Rica, Panama, Belize Gringo bar speech resort hotels and stuff So anyway, another singer stepped in after Dave bowed out and went back to the UK and one day I was riding to one of the gigs with the manager sitting in the car just us two I said to her have you heard from Dave? When's he coming back? She said well, he's taking care of his mom She's really sick. She said he's probably gonna sit it out with her in the UK till she passes. It's pretty serious She said Dave's her only kid and she supports him and he's gonna get a big inheritance

[09:38] She said Dave makes up these stories. He's no financial planner He's terrible with money and his mother supports him wherever he is in the world. She sends him a check every month Then she said but in conversation that comes off kind of weak So he tells everyone he's a financial planner. So all along Dave was just bullshitting us bullshitting everybody But then again, how would it go down if you were the lead singer of a band travel in the world? All the while being supported by your mother because you know what you don't make a living playing in a band in Latin America Unless maybe you're the hottest band or two or three in the whole city For that matter the country even then I don't know of a single musician in Latin America I'm talking about not nationally known musician, but you know a local musician is that play quite a bit?

[10:28] I don't know of a single one who could go to a bank and get a home loan much less a car loan Being a musician especially in Latin America is one of the most uncertain career paths you could take In fact every Latin American musician I know who's not living with his mom and dad Has a side job or is married to someone who's got a decent job No one could support themselves with a decent lifestyle and what they make as a musician Even very excellent musicians playing all the time can barely support themselves much less a family Even in a lot of the bands I played in we were playing two three nights a week You're still making at most a hundred bucks a night sometimes 75 or 50 Plus all you could drink if it's a bar and all you could drink and eat if it's a restaurant You know for most people playing in a band here in Latin America, and it's true up in the States, too

[11:17] You do it for fun camaraderie It's a way to meet girls and hang and have some fun By the way about that free drink thing when you're playing at a bar or restaurant now I myself don't drink Well, maybe I'll have one or two drinks all night or a glass of wine or two, maybe but man I'll tell you I've been in bands with guys who were such heavy drinkers in the middle of our contract bar and restaurant owner Would freak out at the amount these guys would drink so much so that sometimes the owner would change the rule no more free Unlimited drinks not for our band. They'd set a limit for the band members like four drinks apiece a night Which brings me to a story that still sort of haunts me today I was in a band a really good and excellent band. We had lots of gigs. We had them lined up

[12:03] I was in that band maybe two years and man those guys were heavy drinkers all but me All of them pretty much entitled rich kids, but nice guys Well, we just happen to be playing at a bar and restaurant. They gave us all the food and free drinks We could handle they did not put any limits on us And since I didn't drink much at all a lot of times when the gigs were over I just pack up my stuff and go home and the other four guys would linger on Till closing time at the bar drinking away. Anyway next day 9 in the morning. I get a phone call Chris our Guatemalan drummer was dead He hit an embankment dad to 30 in the morning on his way home from the gig Dead at 26 nicest guy in the world to engage to be married Just couldn't hold this liquor. Oh, and by the way the girl he was supposed to marry nice beautiful girl, too

[12:54] Turns out our lead singer a really short Guatemalan guy. I mean probably about 4 foot 12 Well turns out he was harboring our secret crush for years. He was always in love with her You know the girl engaged to our dead drummer, but you know girls don't like guys who are a lot shorter than they are Seems to be a pretty solid rule in any culture So in the end he was at the right place at the right time. She was grieving heavily for her fiancee Chris the dead drummer and Charlie our 4 foot 12 singer was always there for her a shoulder to lean on a Midget shoulder, but still a shoulder to lean on anyway less than a year later They ended up getting married. He got her on the rebound happily ever after I doubt it But man, did I digress we were talking about those mailbox courier services in Florida, right? Well, let's get back on that track

[13:48] With this email from mr. M. Hello, Johnny I've been living near Antigua Guatemala since June 2024 in early October 2024 I ordered 57 packages of chomps jalapeno beef sticks from Walmart in Miami, Florida and paid a total of 927 US dollars He says I was going to use the packages to trade with the local artisans for handicrafts that would have given me a profit about 10,000 US dollars selling the items from my website Well, unfortunately Miami box their outlet in Guatemala City has had my five boxes of jalapeno beef sticks since October 15 2024 About three months now and after they sent me the bill I pointed out to the woman manager the lady I've been

[14:40] communicating with through emails that the prices seem to be about 60% more than the actual cost of the item. He's talking about the cost of getting it from Miami to Guatemala Now Johnny because I wanted to avoid having a heated argument with her I tried for many months to negotiate a deal where they can keep three of the packages and send me only two at no charge to me in The end the woman was in agreement with my offer and stated she would complete the process soon Then in late November, I sent an email stating her business practices would be reported There have been no replies to my messages since then He says my last email was sent two weeks ago And it stated that I wanted pictures of my packages to prove that they have all my boxes at the mailbox company

[15:27] But no replies were received either at this point. It looks like I was ripped off completely Below is the pricing information I received from the woman I still have every email received and all the receipts to prove my claim Here are the detailed copies from my emails All right, mr. Me Johnny here with a comment or two I won't go through all the numbers But I see here that most of the packages were under $200 each and in Guatemala if you import something into the country That's under 200 bucks. You don't pay any taxes on it. You pay the shipping fee, but not the taxes Anyway after he lists all that and all the numbers he says do you think then he mentions a lawyer's name? Do you think that lawyer would handle my case on a contingency basis?

[16:12] If not, do I basically accept the huge loss for my stupidity and dealing with Miami mailbox? I've been listening to your show for years and have learned many things from you Johnny So prices quoted to me seem to be way above the actual price any information would be greatly appreciated signed mr. M By the way this particular courier to Guatemala from Miami. It's called Miami box Charges a rate of two dollars and seventy cents per pound plus twelve percent VAT that's value added tax and 15% tax, but like I said if it's under 200 bucks, no tax. Anyway, mr. M It looks like you got yourself in a catch 22 I got stuck that same way to with another mailbox company many years ago when I first got down here Here's what I discovered the hard way to if you buy a lot of stuff at once

[17:03] Even though individually, let's say a box is under $200 They just might lump it all together if you've got five boxes that are worth let's say $150 each Instead of them being tax-free as they should be they'll just add it all together five times 150 That's 750 bucks and they'll add 15% Adwana taxes, you know import taxes, which is not always 15% sometimes more sometimes less depending on the country and the item Technically, that's not how it's supposed to be you're supposed to get an exemption on the import tax if it's 200 bucks or less anyway that happened to me some years ago when I Ordered from Amazon a whole set of slag doorknobs I think there were ten doorknob You know with passage keys and locks and all that and I guess it was 20 boxes of stainless steel door hinges

[17:52] Anyway, I got nailed with that Adwana import tax I think was 20% or something on the whole batch It was wrong of them to do that and technically against the code the law But you know, you can't fight City Hall what I should have done and this is the lesson I learned was to make sure that when I did an order through Amazon or anyplace else up in the states Once it landed in Miami at Miami box or wherever courier mail forwarding service I was using I should have made sure initially that whatever I sent them was worth under $200 So in other words if I had a broken that shipment into three shipments instead of one big one I'd have paid no import tax No, it won't attack and that's what I've been doing for years every time I order something from Amazon Home Depot Ali Baba shine

[18:38] Whatever. I always make separate orders that are under 200 bucks Even though technically I could order as much as I want as long as each box is under 200 bucks Sometimes the government idiot at that Duana will look at the entire invoice and add it all up And if it's over 200 bucks, they can arbitrarily hit you with a 15 or 20 percent import tax So for example, if I'm ordering, let's say $400 worth of vitamins and mineral supplements, I'll break it into two or three orders. I won't order them the same day either Split them up do one order today one tomorrow one the next day you get the idea by the way as far as Latin American lawyers Getting paid on contingency That's not the normal way they do business down here. That's by the way one of the reasons there are so many lawsuits up in the states and

[19:25] So few lawsuits that go to court here in Latin America That's because up in the states lawyers will take contingency fees all day long down here They don't so very few cases get to court down here If you're gonna sue someone you have to pay your lawyer up front to get started and down here in relatively poor countries The citizens don't have the money to do that. So I'm almost positive mr. M that no Latin lawyer will take your case Most won't work on contingency But you are right. I did the calculations of the numbers you gave me and they don't jive For example on the first package of 14 pounds when I do the calculations of two dollars and seventy cents a pound Plus 15 percent import taxes. They're charging you that because your cost was over 200 bucks

[20:13] It's two hundred ninety three dollars. Exactly plus twelve percent eva IV a called vat in Latin America, it works out to around a hundred and seventeen bucks, but they're charging you 1088 kits Alice which is about 140 bucks. I don't get it. I see there is a problem there on that package alone They're charging you twenty three dollars more Then the amounts calculated by their own numbers two dollars and seventy cents a pound plus twelve percent vat and fifteen percent Import tax and they're overcharging you for the other four packages, too Anyway, sorry, you got stuck in that mess, but you're not the first one Those are some of the little lessons us gringles and expats learn along the way That's why and I know this is after the fact so it doesn't feel good to hear this

[21:01] You should have sent a test sample of let's say one box. See what happened as it went through the system By the way, mr. M You say in the end the shipping cost and the adwana fees the vat costs you around 60% of the cost of the items, right? Well, this might not make you feel good either But lots of times I've bought things through Amazon or eBay whatever and by the time it got here Latin America I paid 50 or even a hundred percent of the price of the product. Sometimes it's worth it. Sometimes it isn't For example, I ordered a really nice 16 gauge. That's very thick stainless steel sink from Amazon Was around 200 bucks weighed 50 pounds My courier service charged 3 bucks a pound. That means I paid a hundred and fifty bucks all

[21:49] Told to get it down here now balance that against what I actually paid for it around 200 bucks That means to get it from the states down to Latin America cost me 75% of what I paid for it So then was it worth it damn right? It was worth it because I could not find a sink like that with that thickness and durability for lover money So in many cases you have to judge if it's worth the shipping if it's a unique product found only up in the states Like mr. M was shipping and you just can't get it down here in Latin America You've got to make a decision. Is it worth it? And sometimes, you know stuff comes damaged I mean, it's a long way to ship it, right? There have been a few cases where vitamins and supplements were smashed and open So then how do you deal with that? Well, I take a photo of it and

[22:37] Normally, let's say it's from Amazon. They'll send you a new badge But sometimes they'll want you to send it back Which is not practical at all because it'll cost you Probably three times as much to send it back as it is coming your way from the states So I just told him it's not possible. I'm overseas not alive, but I never tell him I'm using a Miami mailbox because think of it Amazon for example has the responsibility of getting it to your door. They think your door isn't Miami. It's really not they have dropped it off at a mail forwarding courier service and For example, if you got a damaged item at your door in Guatemala Let's say and Amazon knew you were using a courier service They could just claim it was damaged by the courier service after they dropped it off at the doorstep. They'd have a good argument there

[23:23] That's why when I have a damaged item, which is very infrequently I'd say one out of maybe 50 packages. I just take a photo explain it was received damage They send me a new one. It goes to the mailbox and I got to pay shipping again on it Which might not be much of its vitamins. Let's say maybe eight or ten bucks, but Amazon will send a replacement for free Anyway, that's the way I handle it if I get a package damaged in transit Is that clear as mud simply put Amazon and other companies just might ask you to send it back to them Well, that's not possible. If you're living in Latin America, it'll cost you an arm and a leg to do that So you've got to be a little creative. I always say well, I'm out of the country now can't do that they'll generally buy that so then what happens if it's a big item like a computer or TV and

[24:11] It ends up in your Latin country damaged along the way. Well, that hasn't happened to me yet And I hope it doesn't in that case I guess I just have to get it fixed down here at my expense and eat the loss Though I will tell you one story that still aggravates me about two years ago I bought a big-screen TV on Amazon was on sale for a hundred and seventy five bucks for one of those one day sales That was it. Normally it was I think 325 bucks. It was on sale for one day for a hundred seventy five bucks So I bought it The same or very similar flat screen TV like that down here in Latin America probably cost me four to five hundred bucks Now the TV only weighed I think 15 pounds So let's say at four bucks a pound cost maybe 60 bucks to have it shipped. It was under 200 bucks

[24:57] You know that $200 limit you don't pay any import taxes then I figure I buy it for 175 bucks pay 60 for shipping I got myself really nice 60 inch TV. I think the brand was JVC I'm not sure anyway, I figured I'd get a really nice TV for around 235 bucks Well, guess what happened? It landed at the Adwana as usual You know the tax people everything that comes into the country does it ended up at my courier service? I went down to pick it up and the bill wasn't 50 bucks. It was like a hundred and seventy five bucks What I'd paid for the TV. I said to the lady this can't be right I said the reason why I bought that TV in the first place. It was under 200 bucks So I'd paid no import tax. She said well, they charged you anyway They figured fair value of a TV like that down here is 500 bucks

[25:44] And they hit me with a 20% import tax on $500 didn't matter. I showed him the Amazon receipt for 175 bucks They said that was something fishy about that. It wasn't normal thing is those unsophisticated lard-ass government dickheads down at the Adwana They have no idea that on occasion. Amazon has one day super sales Turns out the lady at my mail forwarding service said that they didn't believe the TV was that cheap They've never seen one come in that cheap before they thought the receipts were rigged. They're photoshopped or something So in the end I told the lady I was not gonna be 175 bucks to get a TV I paid 175 bucks for well, guess what? She told me that happens a lot people see the price and they say whoa I'm not paying that and they don't pick up that merchandise

[26:31] It gets sent back to the Adwana and they have a huge store room They're of items that were not recovered and after a sufficient waiting period that could be maybe 90 days 120 days The lard-ass government dickheads work in there sharing the spoils. They divide that stuff up amongst themselves So I've heard the official line, of course, is that they auction those things off Huh, right But somehow no one's ever been to or heard of one of those auctions or seen one advertised in social media Isn't that funny though? I understand there are a lot of oversized very big-screen TVs in tiny living rooms and bedrooms Throughout Latin America. We're talking about little houses with multiple big TVs and appliances houses

[27:21] Occupied by people whose government jobs oddly enough don't pay salaries Nearly high enough to afford any of those extravagances. Yep. It's quite a racket You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in Central America Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com. No spamos