#1412 – The Expat Files: Pest Control, Affordability, and Expats in Colombia

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here So let's get started funny how the subject of creepy crawlers and other disgusting creatures has been coming up in recent weeks Just last week. I was talking about how geckos and iguanas will eventually get into your house And that you should leave them be the geckos anyway

[00:47] Because they do get rid of even worse pests now since that show one lady living down in Panama wrote me about spiders in her house She even sent me some photos Turns out she went away on vacation was out of the house for a month came back by the way while she was gone She closed all the drapes in the house probably a good idea and when she came back and first opened the door she saw this gigantic spider Behind one of her drapes and she freaked out. She did manage to take a picture though Only to find out it was sort of an optical illusion The spider was on the glass about a foot in front of the drapes And when the Sun hit a spider it made a shadow on the drapes look like the spider was about nine inches wide In reality was only about an inch and a half. Anyway, I'd say most all gringles and expats are not big on spiders

[01:37] I'm not big on spiders. So what do I do when they do show up in your house? And they will yes They will and I know you ladies out there do not like to aggressively go after them You don't like to squish them with a napkin or a piece of paper or a fly squad You prefer to call one of us guys to take care of it or you're cleaning lady your maintenance guy Well what I always tell the ladies especially get yourself a vacuum cleaner with a long reach It's just so easy to suck those babies right in and what happens from there? Well, who knows but they're not coming out By the way, and I know I hit this topic on a show many moons ago Very few vacuum cleaners are to be found here in Latin America. I know I know they're standard equipment Up in the first world. Well, guess what? You're cleaning lady. Probably never used one in her life The only one she'll ever see and use is the one you buy

[02:25] From my experience cleaning ladies are pretty hesitant kind of afraid to use them and man I'll tell you what they're extremely afraid of dishwashers and garbage disposals, too That's because most of them have never seen or used one before now, of course, you'll want a vacuum cleaner I've got a small shop vac myself a wet dry vac always recommended, you know because of the rainy season here And you must you must train up your cleaning lady on how to use your vacuum cleaner and how to empty it Which reminds me the other day I had to do a little repair on my washing machine the outlet drainpipe You know the one that goes into your wall Was leaking where it connects to the drum at floor level and I saw it was deteriorated So I bought a replacement and while I was at it I disconnected the hot and cold inlet water valves to change the little filters there

[03:13] You know, there's a filter behind each one of those to catch any junk or little rocks or sand that might be coming through the water pipes Well, they were pretty clogged and I said to my cleaning lady you have to clean these once in a while She didn't know what I was talking about. She'd never seen anything like that before in other words Basically, no one cleans those things down here So eventually they get clogged up enough to impede the water flow and someone calls a plumber or the appliance repair guy And he cleans them out. So anyway at that moment I decided I better look at the lint filter in the washing machine I took that apart. It was clogged almost solidly packed with lint. Well, that was the moment I showed my cleaning lady how to do that, too She never even knew there was a lint filter to clean So just a little heads up there you get a vacuum cleaner washing machine Whatever when you show your cleaning lady how to use it show her how to empty the filters, too

[04:03] By the way after last week's show I got an email from a lady saying she sucked a gecko into her vacuum cleaner a gecko A little lizard poor little guy. Well, hopefully he's got some spiders to keep him company Then came this email from Jen She says dear Johnny my neighbor just informed me that while I was away our floor has been infested with roaches Probably from construction from a vacant apartment on our floor That means I'll be coming home to a roach infested apartment Any idea on how to get rid of the appalling roaches and what I should buy while I'm away so I can be on the offensive When I return well, Jen, I guess it's time again for me to give out my tried-and-true Roach ball recipe. I've got to tell you I've used it many times when moving into a new house or apartment or

[04:54] After being away a long time spotting a few Especially at night you know when you walk into the kitchen and click on the light switch and You see out of the corner of your eye one or more of those horrible kooka roaches Don't you just hate when that happens look you're half asleep and you really don't feel like going after the roaches You're just out for a glass of water or a few minutes in the bathroom Then you see a roach and it wakes you up in a hurry and you're thinking man. I got to kill this thing now However, you also realize there's never just one The way I deal with them is mix up a roach ball recipe. You need regular old flour GMO and non-gmo. I don't give a shit what cockroaches prefer just by the smallest bag of the cheapest white flour So you need some flour. That's harina in Spanish harina flour. You need a little brown sugar

[05:42] Like that Rolling Stone song they claim They'll never play again in concert because they're a bunch of woke cowards imagine at their age pushing 80 and 90 chickening out on a song they'll never do again one they made so famous and Mick Jagger look what he's turned into. He's got more wrinkles on his face than a litter of pug dogs But I digress as usual anyway for those famous kooka balls. You'll need flour brown sugar and some pure borax B-O-R-A-X. It's a white powder looks like refined sugar Borax otherwise known as boric acid, but don't let that scare you that they call it boric acid Because people have been using it to do their laundry for hundreds of years

[06:29] Therefore when you handle it is perfectly harmless to humans just don't eat it in fact in many grocery stores You've been down here in Latin America. They carry 20 mule team borax It's a laundry detergent when I was a kid. They used to advertise it on TV all day long 20 mule team borax That's boric acid now if you're in a Latin American country, and you can't find that stuff or let's say you're in South America The stores there don't have a whole lot of variety You can order a little half pound or pound bag of borax for around five to ten bucks And if you're using it exclusively to kill roaches that'll last you a lifetime believe me and once you hear the actual recipe You'll know why you take a bowl like a little cereal bowl you mix the flour and the borax 5050 in other words one spoon of borax one spoon of flour

[07:18] Even that's gonna be way too much so take maybe a half a teaspoon of each Then take a generous pinch of brown sugar and shove it in there add some water To that powder mix a couple of drops at a time till it gets to the consistency of play dough You know play dough don't yeah, maybe baby boomers and Gen Xers know that stuff I don't know about the wise and zeros I think they may have taken that off the market because kids were eating it and it's got artificial dyes and colors in it Amongst other nasty things so maybe eating play dough causes autism All I remember is that I didn't eat too much of it myself. It was too salty So anyway you mix our little concoction into the consistency of play dough and if you're from the UK

[08:05] the consistency of plasticine or Potters dough remember that from art class. Yeah, throw it on a wheel in any event You don't want it sticky to the touch you want to be able to make little tiny balls No bigger than a quarter inch in diameter Then you proceed to put those in strategic places around the house Like right on the floor in a corner behind your door and deep within kitchen cabinets You should have at least one ball in each kitchen cabinet now cockroaches cougaratas like to run along the floor Right up against the wall same thing in kitchen cabinets right up against the wall the cabinet So you just jam one of those balls where the wall meets the floor or in a cabinet where the wall meets the base So the cockroach while he's walking and running is gonna run into that ball and take a bite of it

[08:53] Because of the flour and the sugar But it's got borax in it and when that gets into the cockroach his stomach, it's the kiss of death, but not right away That's why it might take four or five days or even a week or so to see the population drop off dramatically Now the thing is you can make the balls so small that no one ever notices them now Of course, you'll know they're there and you'll have to inform your cleaning lady. What the hell you're doing her She'll sweep them up and If she's using water or some kind of liquid disinfectant while mopping the floor She'll dislodge them and they'll be no good. So you just tell her to work around them But they'll be pretty much hidden anyway Like behind the refrigerator or in the corner on the floor where you might have a plant or a light fixture or whatever But normally company and guests won't notice so they won't say a thing

[09:40] In fact in all the years have been using these things. I've only had one guest ever say What the hell's that little ball doing over there? And when I explained to her it was a lady what was going on She wanted that recipe. So then how long do you keep them around? How long do they last? How long are they effective? Well at least three months thing is any longer than that They get as hard as a rock not that they're stuck to anything and are hard to remove They just get really hard as a rock So any wandering kooka ratchets not gonna take a bite out of them because they can't So they're only good as long as they stay slightly soft like play-doh, so basically you do a batch It'll take you 10 minutes and maybe 10 more minutes to place them around the house Then forget about it and someday you're gonna be in your cupboard

[10:26] And you're gonna find one that's rock-solid and you're gonna think oh time to make up another batch Or after months of not seeing a single kooka one appears by the way If you're thinking of going to the store and buying an insecticide man They've got some heavy-duty insecticides that I just know are not legal in the rest of the world. I'm not a fan I try to keep away from those things But I suppose in your first rent an apartment and you find you're overwhelmed by cockroach You might blast the inside of your counters and under the sink and not come back for a day or so Oh, and I should mention one of the biggest meeting places for kooka ratchets is in the cabinet under your sink So by all means place one of those little kooka ratchets balls in each corner The trick is to be patient just give those kooka balls a couple of days to do their thing

[11:11] All right moving on. Here's an email that might interest you it's from Chris He says Johnny. I finally figured out how to find your shows on PRN Progressive radio network just put in expat files in the search at the top right and it brings up all the expat file Episodes like they used to be before they changed the website Well, Chris, yeah, there's a lot of ways to get this show But one of the main ways is on PRN calm the progressive radio network That's how a lot of people found me in the first place But you know companies update their websites and sometimes that causes some confusion Anyway problem solved there Meanwhile listener. Mr. John T sent me an interesting list of places in the US cities in the US that are the most and least affordable

[11:59] He says John I found two websites that when you put them together show the most expensive to the least expensive cost of living in the US cities He sends me a chart that lists only rent for various cities He says I remember in the 90s, Las Vegas was considered the place to be if you wanted affordable housing And yes on the list below number one and two are affordable, but maybe it's because no one wants to live there He says have a look at America's most affordable cities by rent Let me just list the first ten number one Detroit who'd want to live there, but it's 1640 bucks average rent number two, Cleveland who'd want to live there average rent 1735 bucks a month number three Dayton, Ohio number four El Paso, Texas

[12:45] Number five, Rochester, New York number six, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma number seven Albuquerque number eight Memphis, Tennessee Number nine, Louisville, Kentucky number ten, Indianapolis, Indiana By the way number ten the cost of rent in Indianapolis, Indiana average cost 1976 bucks a month Meanwhile, I'm down here in Latin America in a really nice apartment in a really nice area Peeing 650 a month, but John's right. There are other lists that show the most Undesirable cities to live in the US and five of those ten cities are on that list. So cheap doesn't always mean good One thing I've noticed though. There are lots of Texas cities on this list of affordable towns By the way, mr. John T. Also sent me a list of the most affordable zip codes in the United States

[13:34] That is the most affordable zip codes if you're gonna rent Problem is though when broken down by zip code the average rent is Compared to the medium average household income for that zip code For example, the zip code 6 6 2 2 4 is lee wood Kansas has the lowest rent cost in the US versus the medium household income in that zip code In other words, the medium household income in lee wood, Kansas is a hundred and forty three thousand dollars And the average person pays only ten point five percent of that income for rent But when you think about it, how many households in the US? Have the average household income of a hundred and forty three thousand bucks. Not many That's not the national average. That's upper-middle class. For example, the zip code 48 3 2 4 is West Bloomfield, Michigan

[14:28] they have the second lowest median household rent in the United States as Compared to the medium household income in that zip code, which is two hundred and three thousand bucks a year That's solid solid upper-middle class. How many people in the US are in that category? Not many though, isn't it funny and sickening to that Washington DC and the parts surrounding Washington DC have the highest medium household income and those parasites don't produce a Thing nothing you and I actually want to be kind you could say they're in the high-income paper pushing business But really they're just professional parasites and blood suckers man I'll tell you they don't do nuclear bomb testings on the ground anymore. But if they did Those Washington DC zip codes would be a good place to start

[15:18] Alright, how about this email from a latina thoroughly Americanized born in El Salvador who moved to California when she was three Escaped to the states with her parents. She says Johnny Dolores a US-based Latina here pushing back She says Johnny on your recent show you spoke about the huge percentage of Latinas in Latin America who are single mothers She says I know just what you mean I have got relatives living in El Salvador who fell into that trap and they fall so easily The wrong guy to have your kids with can damage your life for decades and or result in permanent severe Downgrades in your economic position, but she says all of that usually happens when a girl is sort of stupid still in her teens Often having a kid while still a teenager with their very first serious boyfriend

[16:07] She says staying single is also an option But mostly only works in the first world like in California where I live where a person with no skills can make enough money to survive fairly decently Staying single in the first world is definitely better than living with someone who disrespects you and Puts your mental or physical health in danger I can tell you as a fact that at least half of my female relatives in El Salvador Picked the wrong guy or he picked her that is if you consider the wrong guy a guy who beats or abuses his wife or girlfriend Cheats on her gets her pregnant and does not support the kid And if the guy sticks around the girl complains what doesn't leave or doesn't kick him out mostly for economic reasons So then how does a girl know a man's character?

[16:56] How can she qualify a guy when she first meets him? She says poor hygiene as well as having gross manners is a good indication of a person's character If they can't be bothered to have a shower and get dressed nicely for a first date Or they pick their teeth or make hacking throat noises I think you've got all the clues you need if you're turned off by certain negative things on the first date Considering that people tend to make more of an effort at the start of a relationship. Don't be too forgiving It's a big mistake that women make they think they can change him Sometimes one of your girlfriends sees more than you do She'll mention some red flags But you won't listen and telling someone to override their first impression because the guy has nice stuff Nice apartment nice car. This is bad. Advice if a guy has bad breath or an untidy manicure scuff shoes

[17:47] Or just looks sloppy. It's definitely not up to me or you to resocialize him. It's not about us It's about their hygiene and upbringing and obviously I have no wish to re-educate a grown-up man to my standards Speaking about lowering standards. I can't tell you how many of my own girlfriends and relatives After a terrible relationship say to me. Nope. I'm not lowering my standards ever again Then they get lonely They're on their own for six months or so and they repeat the same thing They find a loser guy who seemed okay at first thought they could change him, but couldn't then Dolores says Personally, I found lowering your expectations and standards is a path to lifelong misery it's a way of life in Latin America because our dating pool of quality guys is so meager and

[18:35] Those of us who make it to the states we often get into the same rut because we don't relocate to a Caucasian middle-class area We almost always end up being drawn to Latino neighborhoods in the cities and towns Where we mate and date the same kind of low-value guys The only way out of that rut She says is to learn pretty good English and explore beyond the Spanish speaking barrios in your cities and towns But most immigrant Latinos don't do that She says one of the easiest ways for a Latina living in the United States to get out of that rut is To get a job in a white Caucasian middle-class business district Then you'll meet all kinds of nice average American guys That's the world you really should aspire to live in not a Latino barrios

[19:20] But it often does not turn out that way because Latino barrios are comfort zones for Latinos who don't speak English And have had the culture shock of moving to the states signed Dolores in Anaheim, California Well Dolores thanks for that very interesting you talk about how women should not lower their standards because it'll just hurt him in the end I find it interesting though how men in general gringos Latinos Europeans Men will lower their standards when they're looking for a one-night stand then they all think nothing of scraping the bottom Yep, the world's gone nuts and it ain't getting any better. Well, maybe there's one drip at a time I mean look at happened recently with USA ID United States Agency for International Development

[20:07] USA ID, you know ever since I landed in Latin America. I've just hated that agency They've got multiple offices in every Latin country except maybe Cuba and Venezuela So they've got that going for them and I'll tell you every single gringo an expat who's been down here for any length of Time knows it's a front for the CIA Just look it up. Even those corrupt pieces of shit at Wikipedia Admit if you read through the whole document when you look up USA ID It's a CIA front and everyone knows it. Why do you think the USA ID building in Guatemala takes up four city blocks? It's a training center for dirty tricks like regime change. He's got more surveillance cameras around it than the Pentagon Yeah, right. You're gonna need that if your mission is to help the poor anyway I'm sure you've heard that Elon Musk and his doge boys have been peeling that dirty layers back on USA ID for starters

[20:57] They found it finances diversity programs throughout the world. I'm looking at the list so far They found out that it's handed over $47,000 to stage a trans opera in Colombia Musk and his boys are saying it's difficult to pinpoint how many billions of dollars USA ID Has wasted abroad and get this just barely a few hours since Elon Musk called it a criminal organization He's already uncovered enormous amounts of corruption just for starters get this Carolyn Lavatt a White House spokesperson provided super revealing data about the agency saying that 1.5 million dollars went to diversity programs in Serbia another 70,000 for a DEI

[21:47] musical in Ireland $47,000 to fund a trans opera in Colombia and 32,000 for a trans comic in Peru Owen Elan's boys also discovered a gaping financial black hole you might remember in the year 2021 Dr. Anthony Falsi who was head of the National Institute for allergies and infectious disease Well, he had to appear before Congress in 2021 because of the six hundred thousand dollars He authorized to send to the Wuhan Institute of Virology in China Well, you might say six hundred thousand dollars isn't much Well, guess what? Elan's boys Investigating USA ID discovered the amount was much higher

[22:37] Turns out Falsi sent through USA ID more than 40 million dollars to Wuhan in support of a scientist at the Institute who was working on the research on emergence of the corona virus and bats That doesn't sound fishy and you wonder why Falsi was given a backdated pardon by Joe Biden the day before he left the presidency There are just so many scandals coming out of USA ID When I saw that Trump and his voice shut down their website closed their doors and demanded all of their documents I thought man Elan and his doge boys better have some damn good security around him Like Elon said in a podcast just one day ago, and I urge you to listen to it Just go to YouTube and type in doge cast episode 1 doge

[23:25] C-a-s-t episode 1 listen to it. Nothing will make your jaw drop so fast In fact, one of the first things he said was when they decided to go after a USA ID open the books They figured they'd find an apple with a big worm in it. He said nope. They found 1% Apple 99% worm Now again, the reason why I'm bringing this up is because USA ID offices are all throughout Latin America It's where the CIA has been organizing all their dirty Latin American deeds. It's gonna be so nice to see him crash and burn Meanwhile, we thought most all Canadians were nice guys Well, here's some news out of Columbia coming out of Columbia's biggest news service on February 2nd 2025 says the Office of Attorney General of Columbia has charged a Canadian citizen Raymond Arthur J.R

[24:15] Cornish with the crimes of kidnapping torture and theft he's accused of Involvement in the kidnapping and torture of a woman who provided housekeeping services at his apartment It all started when he rented an Airbnb in Medellin, Colombia According to Bogota daily el tempo That's where this article came from the CCTV footage from the building shows the moment in which the woman is Grabbed and forced into the apartment. By the way, he calls himself an African Canadian His photo shows he's black but African Canadian that's a first for me, but here's the rest of this story According to him. He was staying at an Airbnb and of course Airbnb's have maid service they come in maybe once or twice a week if you're renting long-term Otherwise the maid only comes in after a tenant has left and the new one arrives

[25:04] Anyway, according to the Canadian guy She stole a ring and some money out of his apartment And he was using a little bit of force to try to get her to disclose Information and here's where the problem lies He's a foreigner and I'll have to face Colombian justice for the alleged crimes of aggravated kidnapping torture Etc, etc Now his case won't come up for a while So the judge decided to impose a security measure because he was accused of a physical assault and put him in a penitentiary Till his trial my personal thought is that she did steal from him. I'm not surprised I've had two or three cleaning ladies steal from me. He confronted her maybe slapped her around a bit, man You don't do that when you're a foreigner in someone else's country. That's why personally I'm pretty much against using airbnbs

[25:50] I tried it for a while. But as you probably heard there are some sophisticated and unsophisticated Airbnb scams not perpetuated by the owners The fact is most airbnbs do not have very good security. Maybe a camera or two here and there but the fact is they're almost never as secure as a nice hotel and Medi in man with all the gringos and expats going there to check out the ladies It's a hot spot for gringos to get ripped off and assaulted Then you've got those countless cases of gringos drinks getting spiked Always, of course in a borrowed disco or went out on a date with an unknown but beautiful lady In fact, I know a guy an old retired FBI agent. He's around 77 years old Would you believe he got scammed in Medi-in by a beautiful Venezuelan lady?

[26:37] He told me the story but he said he'd never report it because it'd be way too embarrassing. Oh And he says that little ripoff hasn't deterred him. He'll be back to Colombia Medi-in He says he'll be smarter next time. Yeah, right at 77. He's still getting scammed by the way in Medi-in You know, they've got some really nice areas nice hotels, etc Turns out there are so many gringo expat tourists and foreigners coming down to pick up ladies, you know sex tourism and all that Well as it turns out whatever hotel you're staying in if you happen to come in to the lobby with a girl They won't let you go up to your room or the restaurant or the gym with that girl unless she produces a government ID Which the front desk guy in the lobby will take a picture of now Why do you think that's common practice because so many girls are running scams on clueless gringos and expats?

[27:27] I know I know some of you guys and gals out there are thinking well, they deserve it could be You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com and if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week Long expat insider seminar in Central America where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com