Episode Summary
In this episode of The Expat Files, Johnny Mueller discusses the realities of living and traveling in Latin America, addressing common misconceptions about vaccinations, border practices, and health risks. He shares personal experiences and insights from expats, discussing everything from vaccine requirements and waivers to the dangers of street food and chicken buses. Whether you're an expat, traveler, or considering relocation, this episode offers a candid look at the challenges and nuances of life in the region.
Johnny highlights the contrast between online information and real-life experiences, noting that while some countries may have strict vaccination requirements, the reality is often different. He references emails from expats, including one from Kim, who is concerned about the need for a yellow fever vaccine to enter Bolivia. He explains that vaccine waivers can be obtained for medical reasons, such as an egg allergy, but also mentions personal opposition to vaccines due to potential negative side effects.
He shares personal experiences of traveling in Latin America for 20 years without ever being asked to show vaccination proof. He also describes the use of toxic insecticides at border checkpoints, which he believes are more harmful than the diseases they are meant to prevent.
Johnny then discusses the lack of regulation and oversight in the use of chemicals in third-world countries, particularly in the context of vehicle spraying. He highlights the dangers of these practices, including the use of unknown chemicals and the lack of protective gear for workers. He notes that expats are rarely asked for vaccination certificates, even though they may be sprayed with unknown chemicals. He suggests that fake vaccination certificates can be obtained for a small fee in countries like Bolivia, Brazil, and Venezuela.
He shifts to discussing the experiences of eco-tourists in the Amazon, noting that despite their efforts to avoid chemicals, they still face significant challenges with bugs and the effectiveness of natural remedies. Johnny also discusses the challenges of finding an effective natural bug repellent in the Amazon basin, noting that many remedies online fail due to the extreme heat and humidity. He suggests that a solution might involve oral and topical combinations.
Johnny shares a personal anecdote about expat Eddie, who seems to attract bugs, making him a natural decoy. He debunks the myth that Latin America is infested with dangerous insects, especially in high-altitude regions where insects are less prevalent due to environmental conditions. He also comments on the behavior of backpackers, particularly Europeans, who tend to stay in cheap accommodations and often have more bug bites due to their travel habits.
He discusses the common issues faced by backpackers and ecotourists in Latin America, particularly the risks of illness from fleabag hotels and street food. He highlights the lack of proper hygiene and maintenance in these accommodations, leading to health problems like bug bites and sickness. He advises avoiding tap water and street food, suggesting that even bottled water may not be safe due to questionable purity. He recommends using personal water filtration systems and carrying one's own water supply to avoid health risks.
Johnny also discusses the dangers of bottled water in Latin America, emphasizing that even though it may seem pure, it can be contaminated by exposure to sunlight and heat, which causes plastic to leach harmful chemicals like BPA and Silane into the water. He suggests alternatives like mineral water or club soda, which are safer because they are stored in glass bottles and not exposed to plastic. He mentions the use of portable water filters as a solution but notes that they can be expensive and prone to theft.
He discusses the dangers and peculiarities of traveling in Latin America, focusing on chicken buses, street food, and the risk of Montezuma's revenge. He highlights the unsafe conditions of chicken buses, including their lack of maintenance, drivers' behavior, and the likelihood of accidents. He also warns about the unhygienic nature of street food and cut-up fruit sold in plastic bags, which can lead to illness. Johnny emphasizes the importance of being cautious and prepared when traveling, suggesting carrying wipes, rubber bands, and Ziploc bags to manage the mess and hygiene issues.
Finally, Johnny describes the unsanitary conditions and health risks associated with street food in Latin America. He explains how street vendors use fruit as bait to attract flies that land on the food, and how the drainage systems under the kiosks contribute to the spread of disease. He also discusses amoebic dysentery, a common illness among backpackers, and how it is often contracted through street food or food served by expat families. Johnny mentions that he avoids street food and always carries medication for such illnesses.
Topics
Vaccinations for expats in Latin America, Contrast between online information and real-life experiences, Vaccine safety and personal opinions, Border checkpoint practices and insecticide use, Chemical spraying in third-world countries, Vaccination requirements and certificates, Experiences of eco-tourists in the Amazon, Effectiveness of natural remedies for bug bites, Bug repellent in the Amazon basin, Natural remedies and their limitations, Expat Eddie as a bug attractor, Myth of dangerous insects in Latin America
Chapters
00:00:00 Opening 00:00:43 Vaccination Requirements and Waivers for Expats in Latin America 00:02:07 Comparing Health Risks: Lyme Disease vs. Tropical Diseases in Latin America 00:03:53 Personal Experience: Traveling in Latin America Without Vaccination Proof 00:04:34 Chemical Spraying in Third-World Countries 00:05:04 Vaccination Certificates and Enforcement 00:07:04 Experiences of Eco-Tourists in the Amazon 00:09:04 The Stink of Ineffective Repellents 00:09:17 A Market for Natural Bug Repellent 00:09:28 The Real Test of Bug Repellent 00:10:25 Eddie's Bug Attraction 00:11:07 The Myth of Man-Eating Bugs 00:12:15 Backpackers and Their Bug Bites 00:13:42 The Risk of Fleabag Hotels vs. Jungle Treks 00:14:27 Backpackers and Ecotourists: Bug Bites and Misery 00:14:53 Common Illnesses Among Backpackers: Sunburn and Food Poisoning 00:16:02 Street Food and Hygiene Concerns 00:17:07 Personal Water Filtration Systems for Safety 00:17:32 The Dangers of Bottled Water in Latin America 00:18:17 Alternatives to Bottled Water 00:20:55 Common Mistakes by Backpackers and Ecotourists 00:21:17 The Dangers of Chicken Buses 00:22:39 Montezuma's Revenge and Street Food 00:25:36 Street Food and Fly Attraction 00:26:34 Amoebic Dysentery and Health Risks 00:27:22 Johnny's Personal Experience and Precautions
Transcript
Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.
[00:03] Hi everybody, I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America. The show that tells you what it's really like to live, work, play and or retire in Latin America. I tell it just like it is, not the version they give you in those glossy travel magazines or the picture they paint for you in those international traveler websites where they're only trying to sell you something. What's it really like for expats living in Latin America? Well, if you stick around a while you'll find out, so let's get started. You know here on the expat files I tell it just like it is. What it's really like down here in Latin America, which can be sometimes in complete contrast to the information you get up in the first world and what you get off the internet. And the case in point is this, I get a lot of emails from people asking me about vaccines, whether you need to get all shot up before you come down here in Latin America.
[00:52] And some of you have even heard that certain countries here in Latin America, especially in South America, in the Amazon basin where there are a lot of bugs and mosquitoes, well you may have heard rumors that they'll stop you at the airport and it won't even let you proceed unless you have a producer's certificate saying you've gotten certain vaccinations. And here's a case in point from an email I got the other day. It says, Dear Johnny, my partner has an official yellow fever vaccine waiver. Is that all he needs to avoid an injection but still get into Bolivia? I'm getting a yellow fever shot myself. And that's just a little piece of an email I got from Kim. But I do get questions like that all the time. So I guess I should give you the dirt on that. Because once again you can't always believe what you read or you see on the internet especially. Now you see back in the 50s, 60s and 70s and even the 80s before the internet, you had
[01:38] to trust the US government and kind of believe the US State Department releases and routine travel warnings that they put out regarding traveling in third world countries. And believe me back then there wasn't a single Latin American country that the US State Department didn't advise against getting a half dozen or more shots. And of course most of the time people went out and got them and they got a certificate saying they did. But these days things have changed dramatically. What with the information age and all that. And I know what I'm going to tell you is going to go against what you've been reading on the internet. But this is how it is. You have about a 10 times greater chance of catching Lyme disease up in Cleveland than you do getting dengue, yellow fever, malaria or leprosy or whatever down here in Latin America. Oh and by the way there are some lepers down here in South America believe it or not. Though you'll never get it and you'll probably never get to see one of these guys if you're
[02:24] down here a thousand years. It's about as rare as Elephant Man disease up north. So you're not going to have a guy with three fingers waiting on you at Starbucks believe me. But in regards to those vaccines, older retired Americans like my own mother often do go to their doctor and get the whole gamut of injections that the State Department recommends only to get sick for a few days or even feel crappy for weeks just from getting those shots. And personally I'm totally against getting any of those shots myself. But let me get back to Kim's email. She says that her friend will be traveling with a yellow fever vaccine waiver. Which I take to mean he doesn't have to get the shot nor did he ever get it. Now one of the ways you can get an official written waiver like that from your doctor up in the first world is if you're allergic to the vaccine actually what you'd be allergic to is not the vaccine itself but the egg, the chicken egg nutrient that they grow the
[03:14] vaccine in. In other words you have an egg allergy. But what if just in general you're against getting vaccines like me. On the grounds that the vaccines themselves can have a more negative effect than what they're supposed to cure or prevent. Now of course you don't want to go through that argument with doctors because they think you're nuts. Because 99% of those guys told the big pharma line that vaccines are okay well not only okay but they saved the world from smallpox and polio and all that. Plus I know if you're listening to the other PRN shows like Gary Nol you know that probably just ain't the case. But without getting into that discussion let me just tell you this. I've been traveling in and out of Central and South America for the last 20 years by car busing by plane and I've never once been asked to show proof that I've had any vaccines at all. But you know quite a few times in that 20 years when I pass through a frontier or border
[04:03] by car or bus they'll stop the vehicle and a guy will come over with a big pressure sprayer and shoot some kind of toxic nauseous chemical insecticide all up and down the bottom panels of the car and the tires. And let me tell you when you see a guy like that walking towards your car or your bus with a big tank and a sprayer strapped to his back you better roll the windows up tight and hold your breath. Because me and a lot of other expats are certain that what they're spraying is more toxic than anything you could ever catch from a bug bite or a mosquito. And of course because this is the third world nobody knows what they're actually spraying. It's probably been banned in the first world. And worse yet it's the guy's job day in and day out and he's not wearing gloves or a mask. And after he's done spraying your vehicle there's a white liquid dripping down his hose down his pant leg and onto his shoe.
[04:51] I wonder how many two-headed kids he's got tucked away in his attic. And even though me and a lot of other long-term expats have been in that situation many times not a single expat I know has ever been asked for a certificate proving they've been vaccinated though they'll pull you over and spray your car at will with an unknown chemical. And the only people I know who carry around those certificates while they're traveling are old people like my mother, military and government employees like embassy types, and Mormons and missionaries. The kind of people who believe naively that the government is looking out for them, people who still tend to buy the BS the US government shovels out at them. Now I know that Brazil is supposed to be a little bit stricter on this policy and they actually have signs at the airports saying that you have to have vaccinations for yellow fever and a couple other insect born sicknesses before you come into the country.
[05:40] But I also know the only time they ever enforce that policy is if a passenger is coming directly from one of the known yellow fever endemic or epidemic sites. So if you're coming directly from the Amazon basin in your Indiana Jones get up they just might ask you about that vaccination. But here's the thing because this is a third world for a few bucks you can get just about anything. And I know for a fact that in Bolivia, Brazil and Venezuela that if you ask one of those little money changer guys outside the airport where you can find a clinic or a doctor to get one of those yellow fever shots in a hurry, guess what you give him 10 bucks and he'll come back in about 10 minutes with a fully signed certificate sealed and stamped by a real doctor that says you've been jabbed with every vaccine known to man, including leprosy if you want.
[06:27] And though a certificate like that is apparently real, it's not really kosher. But better to carry that around with you if you're worried about it. Instead of a vaccine waiver that says you can't have the vaccine because you're allergic to it. And my advice is just put it out of your mind. You shouldn't have to worry about it at all. You get about one chance in a thousand that anybody's going to ever ask. And if you're coming directly from the United States or a first world country, you're never going to get asked for proof of that. There's just no reason for it. You're not coming from an endemic or a pandemic area. And if you're one of those real eco travelers and you still think you might want to get the vaccines just to be safe because you actually think that'll protect you. Well let me tell you this. I've been in a jungle. I've been to the deepest, darkest parts of the Amazon basin. And I've run into all kinds of first world backpackers and hikers and eco freaks.
[07:14] And it always surprises me how these guys can walk through the jungle with tank tops and fishnet shirts and shorts. And it's obvious to me that they are not having fun. They always seem to have 101 bug bites up and down their arms and legs. To me, they always look sweaty, dirty, and miserable. And I know it's true because I've been there. At night when you meet up with these backpacking guys in the nearest town, after you're done hiking or rafting or whatever, when you sit down and have a few beers with these trackers, you can't help but notice that they've been food for the jungle bugs all day. And you know because these guys are true eco freaks trekking through the jungles with their $300 boots and their LL Bean khakis of course. They're first world all the way so they have to have that matching jungle attire and ultra lightweight graphite framed backpacker gear. All assembled with love and care in Honduran and Chinese sweatshops
[08:02] by people making a buck an hour. But it's better not to think about that when you're on vacation, right? Anyway, the well attired ecotourists you know are really outspoken in their resistance to using chemical pesticides. And they hate Tao and Monsanto. But so do I, so I'm right in there with them on that. Anyway, they all have their own health food store natural remedies for bug bites. The powders, the greases, the salves, and the sprays. And the oral bug repellent concoctions. Some of them obviously garlic supercharged. And you can tell. They don't repel the bugs all that well but they do repel humans. Anyway, almost all of those concoctions work up in a nice pine forest in Minnesota. But down here in the Amazon basin and in these Latin American jungles where the bugs are 10 times bigger than you've ever seen them before
[08:47] and the mosquitoes look like hummingbirds, you really do have to bring out the big guns. And I'm sorry to whom this may offend but I do bring out the deep woods off. And even so after an hour that doesn't work worth a damn either. And guess what? The natives that live down here, they have their own lotions and concoctions and to tell you the truth they stink pretty bad. And they do work but they're way too stinky for you and I to ever consider using. But for all the bug repellent remedies on the internet, I've yet to see one of these concoctions actually work down here in these jungles where it really counts. So let me tell you there is a really big market for someone who come up with a natural bug repellent that really works down here. Not in the deep woods of Minnesota, they already have some natural stuff that's pretty effective up there. But down here in the Amazon basin, that's the real test. And it doesn't seem to me that anyone's actually got a product like that yet.
[09:35] Though all the backpackers and eco hikers that I talked to say they've got a pretty good remedy. I mean there's dozens of them out there just looked on the internet. But none of them seems to last more than an hour because when you're down here doing a jungle hike, you're sweating your ass off all the time. You're pretty near the equator and at sea level and it's nearly 100% humidity. And it's always hovering between 90 and 100 degrees. So it seems to me anything you rub on yourself is going to slough off with a sweat. So it's going to have to be something you take orally, maybe combined with something you rub on your skin. Who knows? So there's an idea for all you expat wannabes looking for a business down here. That'll make a million. Just dig out that old college chemistry book and start mixing. And here's the thing. I'll be sitting with some backpackers on the edge of a little jungle clearing, having a coffee at a little kiosk, and every backpacker and ecotrecker is glad to tell you what he uses to repel bugs.
[10:25] At that moment, that's when I think about something expat Eddie once told me. Eddie says before they even answer you, when you ask the question about their bug remedy, count how many little red raised bug bites they've got on their legs and arms. And as they tell you about their great remedy, try not to laugh. Now as for me living down here all these years, here's what I've noticed. Some people are definitely much more attractive to bugs and bug bites than others. And personally, I happen to be one of those guys that bugs don't like that much. Though I get that odd bite once in a while, they absolutely love expat Eddie. So in effect, Eddie's my personal decoy. When he comes along with me, he attracts all the bugs and they leave me alone. Must be his blood alcohol concentration. Who knows? But here's the other thing. Latin America is not infested with man eating bugs and insects like you've been led to believe.
[11:13] That's really a myth. Especially in those altiplano regions I love so much. The one's over 3,000 or 4,000 feet where you get that eternal spring weather. Because obviously insects love water, high humidity and heat. And the altiplano has none of those. And even if you live in a beach area or a beach town, or in a city on the coast like Cartagena, Colombia, where there's always a steady little breeze. Places like that don't have much of a bug problem at all. Now if you know anything about insects, because they have such a small mass and they're so light, just the slightest breeze can screw up their flight path and their mobility. Then even if they're on a mission to take a chunk out of you, they fly slow and unsteady like there's a drunken pilot flying the plane. And secondly, even the smallest breeze screws up their sense of heat detection and their sense of smell. Which is how they hone in on you.
[11:59] So expat wannabes up there if you're looking for that beach property of your dreams. Do a little investigation first and find out the average wind velocity in the area. And as you know, you can google that. The average temperature, wind velocity, rainfall and humidity. You can even have it plotted out on a week by week basis. And by the way, speaking of those backpackers and eco-travelers I meet all the time, with all those bug bites on their legs. The vast majority of those folks I run into are Europeans, because I'm off the gringo trail usually. And Europeans love those $5 a night backpacker sleazebag flea-bitten hotels. And about European backpackers. The way they dress and their gear are a lot more utilitarian than trendy United States backpackers. They're not at all into the designer fashion aspect of it.
[12:44] They're into just getting the job done. In fact, most of them, especially the German ones that I've met, take genuine pride in telling you that they spent $4.26 on last night's fleabag hotel. But they won't tell you they slept 11 to a room, and there was only one working toilet, located through a maze of corridors about a half a block away. And here's an interesting tidbit I'm sure a lot of you didn't know. When you ask one of these backpackers, who's got a dozen or so of these insect bites up and down his legs, when you ask them which parts of the area you should avoid so you don't get bitten badly like that, more often than not, they won't tell you the name of an eco-basin or a river or a mosquito-infested jungle trek that they took. Instead, they'll mention a backpacker hotel, a fleabag, $5 a night dump. And that's a problem that backpackers will repeat over and over.
[13:31] They'll tell you that it's the mattresses in those fleabag hotels that need to be burned or fumigated on a regular basis. But the owners won't do that. It's not cost effective when you only charge $5 or $10 a night. So I hope you get my point. You get a much better chance of getting sick from bug bites at a fleabag hotel than you do from walking through the jungle down here. That's for sure. Oh and listen, remember Kim's email about that waiver, the vaccine waiver, that you can get from your doctor up in the first world if you're allergic to the vaccine or allergic to eggs? Well you know what expat Eddie told me? You can go to a half a dozen internet sites and download one of those forms. And they're absolutely official looking and ready to go. And you can fill in the blanks and carry that thing along with you. If you feel it necessary. For example if you're one of those people who's really against vaccines of any kind.
[14:17] Then I guess even in a worst case scenario you'd be covered. Like expat Eddie said, governments live on paperwork. So if they want paperwork, feed the monster with more paper. Oh and just another thing. When I tell you that I see these backpackers and ecotourists all the time and they're just loaded with bug bites up and down their arms and legs. And it's obvious that they look and they feel miserable. Especially those guys with those extra large backpacks. Looks like they're hauling around King Tut's sarcophagus on their back. Cool vacation. Having fun yet? Well I've taken many unofficial polls with these guys asking them if they've been sick or under the weather down here. And for the ones that did have their bad moments, their periodic sicknesses almost always fall into two categories. Sunburn because they just don't understand the power of the sun near the equator. And secondly, Manazuma's Revenge.
[15:03] The food. Because you see backpackers are cheapskates except for the top notch gear that they buy. It seems to be a sport with them to try to get by on as little as they can. And that seems to be true even if they have a big bank account up in Cleveland or in Berlin. For them it's kind of a financial limbo competition. How low can you go? Then they buy that street food because it smells good and it's cheaper than going to a sit down restaurant. Even though it's obvious that a sit down restaurant has got to be more hygienic. So I always recommend to everyone don't eat the street food even if it's being cooked up on a hot griddle. Because the people cooking there at these kiosks do not have running water. They got a bucket or two down under their stands that they use all day long for washing and cleaning and rinsing. And even backpackers who are smart enough not to eat at those places.
[15:50] They make two other really big mistakes that I see all the time. The first is they drink water and soda and stuff right out of the glass instead of from the bottle or a can. And you see in Latin America a lot of times when you buy a dinner or a lunch it comes complete with a drink. A soft drink or a Kool-Aid type drink with a lot of sugar. And it arrives at your table already poured into a glass. Well you should never drink that thing. Even worse if it's got ice in it. Because even though some of these restaurants have filtration systems with canisters that look absolutely first world in every way. Latin says a rule don't do maintenance until something breaks. They're into crisis management. Which means those water filters which should be changed about every six months probably never get changed. Not until they're so clogged anyway that the water barely trickles out. So even if the waiter or the waitress says our water is filtered
[16:38] and you actually catch a glimpse of the filtering unit mounted on the wall next to the kitchen and they look first world to you. Still you should skip it and don't drink anything unless it's out of a bottle or a can. Okay so don't drink anything that comes to you in a glass or with ice in it. Even if they insist their ice machine has a filter. Well it probably does but don't believe that the filters have been changed. And of course historically you've been told never to drink the tap water down in Latin America. Though I don't believe you should trust the water in the United States or Europe either. And that's why I have my own personal water filtration system. And down here in Latin America I even go a bit farther. I use my home water filtration system fill up a few bottles put them in my car and when I go to a restaurant I carry one of my own bottles in with me. Now that might look cheap and that might look strange.
[17:23] Kind of like a guy bringing his own bottle of wine into a restaurant. The ultimate faux pas. But I don't really want to drink their water. Even if it's bottled water and I open the bottle. Because I know not only is there bottled water like our bottled water up in the first world. No one really knows how pure it really is. And a lot of it's just as good or bad as tap water. But I also know like I mentioned on a previous show a long time ago. How they handle that water. That when they deliver bottled water to these restaurants and homes. They typically drop a number of 5 gallon plastic water bottles. And they could have sat in the sun hours and hours before they finally get hauled in. The worst thing you could possibly do is to expose them to sunlight and heat. Because then the plastic degenerates and it fuses into the water. And you're drinking those plastic molecules.
[18:09] BPA, Nalgaine's and Silane's. All that cancer causing stuff we're supposed to be avoiding these days. And they're being disseminated throughout your body. And worse yet down here in Latin America you've got the hottest most intense sun in the world. So don't think everything's a-okay when you buy that bottled water. Anywhere. Especially down here in Latin America. And here's what I suggest if you're down here on vacation. And you don't want to haul around a portable water filter with you. And I have one of those too. A very very good one. And they aren't as tiny as you think. But you can leave the little unit in your hotel room. Make up water as needed every day. And carry a bottle or two with you. But good tiny personal water filters aren't cheap. I bought the best. A kaitadin from Switzerland. And it costs about 300 bucks. And sometimes I think maybe I shouldn't have bought it. Because if it ever gets ripped off from a hotel room. Well then I'm SOL right?
[18:55] And I'm out 300 bucks. So it's just another thing to worry about. But there is a solution where you don't have to bring one of those little units around with you. Unless of course you're out in the jungle. Because then you can use that unit to pump water right out of a stagnant river. And you got 100% absolutely pure water. And that's a really good reason to have one. And it's a great survival tool in case of a dire emergency. Like a power outage. Because it has a hand pump on it. You don't need any power at all but your arm. So here's what you can and should do. If you don't have your own bottled water that you hold with you. And you're in a restaurant or a cafe and you're thirsty. Well here's what I suggest. Everyone down here has club soda or what they call agua mineral. Mineral water. And all that is is carbonated pure water. And it does have a little salt in it. But that's the closest you're going to get to pure bottled water that's produced down here.
[19:43] It's in a glass bottle. So it's never been in contact with plastic. And though it may have been sitting stacked on a pallet. Outside that restaurant for a few hours in the sun. Glass is completely inert so there's no microscopic or chemical changes going on in that bottle. Like there would be if it was plastic. So down here you're completely safe if you drink mineral water or club soda. Which in Spanish is exactly the same. Club soda. But you have to ask for it in the bottle or they'll give it to you in a glass with ice. So just say club soda en botella. En botella means in the bottle. Very simple. Botella bottle. But to tell you the truth a lot of expats and first world vacationers. They aren't that picky at all about what they drink. Because it can be very hot especially in the beach towns. And for first worlders on vacation. Well you know what happens when you're on vacation. Anything goes. Including your diet.
[20:29] Especially your diet. So as a matter of fact most expats and tourists drink a lot of coke and pepsi and soft drinks and beer. But at least down here when you do drink coke and pepsi and soft drinks it's real cane sugar. Not high fructose corn syrup. And so in fact a lot of expats down here living in beach towns are addicted to the soft drinks. And they drink that stuff by the truckload. So it does take some kind of willpower to switch over to water or club soda. But you get used to it. Now another big mistake I see backpackers and ecotourists make. And how a lot of them end up with Montezuma's revenge. Is that they're not picky how they eat when they're traveling through the countryside. Now backpackers and low budget ecotourists who like to ride those chicken buses. Which I don't recommend either. Even though they're quaint and the tour books say you should check them out. You should forget it.
[21:15] The guys who drive them are absolute maniacs. And you see every day in the big newspapers down here a chicken bus rolled over or in a ditch. One that's dropped off the side of a mountain or crashed head on into another car or a pole. Because you see they routinely break every law in the book. Including constantly running red lights and passing on curves and double yellow lines. Not to mention the owners of the buses don't keep them maintained and the brakes suck. And the pilots the drivers are often out and out alcoholics. So if you still want a chicken bus experience go ahead and be my guest. But like I said backpackers and low budget ecotourists just love to ride those chicken buses. Why? Because it's 25 to 50 cents a ride that's why. And a taxi around town will cost you three to five bucks for the same distance. Oh and by the way tuk tucks are a big thing down here too.
[22:00] Which are priced in between the chicken buses and the taxis. So instead of paying three to five bucks for a taxi you might pay one to two bucks for a tuk tuk. Anyhow any backpacker or ecotourists who rides a chicken bus will tell you. When you're taking a bus that takes you between towns. There'll always be a stop or two or even three somewhere along the way. Where some local ladies and guys will get on the bus to try to sell you some food. Well you shouldn't buy that stuff no matter how good it looks and how nice it's wrapped. Because these guys make that stuff at home and it's not hygienic. And it does look good. The cakes, the cookies, the pastries, the empanadas, the sandwiches. Now long-term expats will tell you that there's no easier way to get Montezuma's revenge than to test that kind of food. Because most of us expats have had the chance while walking through some of these small pueblos
[22:47] to see how these makeshift family food operations work. The ladies and their kids sitting in the kitchen with the flies and the dogs in a pot of stagnant water making up pastry cookie and cake dough with their dirty hands. Well you get the picture but that's not the worst of it. On street corners and at bus stops there are always people selling fruit. Like pineapples and papayas and mangoes and it looks great. And you can either buy the whole fruit, a half of fruit, or you can buy it pre-cut in sections in little plastic bags. And that's the way most people buy it because it's cheap and easy to eat. It's already in a plastic bag so you don't get the juice dripping on your shirt. And it's already peeled so you can eat the whole thing. And backpackers and ecotourists love to buy it that way too. Because it's tough enough traveling in a bus all crammed together with your backpack
[23:32] and fanny pack and all that and having to cut up and peel up a papaya or an avocado or coconut mango or pineapple. That's almost impossible to do when you're on a bus trip. And there's nothing worse than having a sticky mess on your hands for a couple hours in the bus because there is no water in those chicken buses. Which is why I always recommend when you're traveling to carry one of those tiny packs of moist handy wipes. At least it'll help you get that sticky stuff off your fingers. If you make a mess like I always do. And don't forget when you're traveling always carry some rubber bands and some Ziploc bags with you. There's so many uses for those two things I can't even go into them right now. Anyway after talking to some expats that have been down here a long time. Some of them are claiming that the number one reason for Montezuma's revenge. Which every single backpacker and ecotourist I've ever known has had multiple times.
[24:18] Anyway my unofficial consensus amongst expats is that the number one reason for Montezuma's revenge is not from that cooked street food contaminated tap water or even bad ice cubes. It's that cut up fruit in those plastic bags that everyone seems to love. Including backpackers. And you know that fruit really does look good and fresh. And it is. However you should watch the little guys on the street corners in their kiosks as they prepare it. First they take the fruit which they don't wash. They cut it up with a knife then wipe the knife on their pants. Or on the same moist rag that they've been using all day that's dropped on the ground a few times along the way. Then when the guy's hand gets all full of juice he wipes those on his pants. And a lot of them if you watch long enough you'll see they lick their fingers. Because that juice is nice and sweet. Ah how appetizing. Then they take each one of those individual pieces with those fingers
[25:05] and put them in those plastic bags and seal them up. Then one of their buddies will walk by and they'll shake hands with him. Pat him on the shoulder. Dig into his pocket for his cell phone. Then someone else will walk up. Buy a bag of that fruit. Hand him some paper money. Which he'll make change for while he digs in his wallet or his pocket. Then he'll grab a wad of bills. Lick his thumb and count through it and pull out the proper change and give it to the guy. Then he'll go back to cutting that fruit again and repeating the process. Meanwhile he'll load up a basket full of those packaged pieces of fruit. And when it's full his lady partner will walk over to the bus station or the bus stop and sell one of those packages to you gringo. Oh and I forgot to tell you when he's laying out all that fruit on a cutting board before he puts it in the package. The dozen or so flies that have been sunning themselves
[25:50] on the raw meat in the kiosk next door will swoop on over and land on that fruit salad because it's sweeter. And you know what the guy that's working that kiosk doesn't care one bit. Those flies are such an integral part of his setup. He doesn't even bother to shoo him away. They don't even exist for him. And not to be too graphic here. I didn't tell you that under each of these kiosks runs a little drainage trough with smelly rancid water runoff from all these little kiosks. Where do you think the liquid runoff goes from all these stands? And once in a while a piece of meat or the fruit that's being cut falls off the cutting board and into that gutter. Just a quick wipe with that moist rag. And it's into a plastic bag good as new. Montezuma's revenge anyone? And here's something you almost never hear about up in the first world. Amoebic dysentery. Everybody up north has had intestinal flu and the 24 hour bug and all that.
[26:40] But amoebic dysentery? Pretty rare. But not down here in Latin America. Almost every backpacker who spent more than a month down here has had it. And it's from that street food. And if you're taking a full immersion course with the family it's often from the food that they serve you. Your immersion family might not be much better on hygiene than the street vendors are. But thankfully every pharmacist is so used to people with amoebic dysentery especially gringos. That's the first thing they think of when a gringo stops by as white as a ghost and says he's leaking from both ends. And for two bucks you get six big pills that don't taste half bad at all. One in the morning one at night for three days and by day two you're as good as new. And by the way since I never eat street food I haven't had amoebic dysentery or in fact dysentery for about five years or so.
[27:26] I can't even remember when. But I always have a six pack of those pills on hand just in case I have to break bread with a local. You've been listening to The Expat Files. Living in Latin America. Coming to you each week from somewhere south of the border. And don't forget you can email me on anything at all about Latin America. The Expat Files at gmail.com. Once again The Expat Files at gmail.com.