#1457 – The Expat Files: Cooking, Culture, and Corruption in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Let's start out with a few words today Concerning all you gringos and expats and future gonna bees and wannabes who end up in the altiplano regions in the high altitude for example the altiplanos that stretch through Guatemala some parts of Salvador and Mexico and of course in South America most of the major cities in

[00:51] Colombia are in the altiplano. That's four to maybe 7,000 feet above sea level people like that altitude a lot because the weather is perfect Well, what you'll soon find out if you like to cook if you spend any time in the kitchen making anything besides hot dogs and mac And cheese which as we know will send you to an early grave Anyway, what you'll soon find out is things don't cook or boil or fry the way they do at sea level Everything takes a little bit more time. If you're a serious cook, you'll find you'll have to change your technique a bit It's all about physics and pressure. That's why you'll find that throughout most of Latin America Even in areas that aren't in the altiplano. It's a pressure pot culture. Yep a pressure pot culture You know what pressure pots are right? Most people in the States don't have them most don't know what they are

[01:39] But every Latin American kitchen especially in the altiplano has one because they cut down on the cooking time of everything Now these aren't crock pots. These are pressure pot Sort of like tea kettles when the pressure builds up inside they start hissing. By the way, I have one in my kitchen Never had one up in the States, but down here always have ever since I've been down here, even though I don't cook much I really don't know how my cleaning lady cooks However, and she insists on using one down here Everyone cooks beans and lentils and you absolutely have to have a pressure pot If not, your pot will be boiling away on the stove for a half a day The thing is if you look around for the pressure pot in any Latin American kitchen, you'll find it's almost always pure aluminum Now, of course, all you guys gals out here listening to this show, you know about aluminum. It's not good for you

[02:28] they find it in the brains of almost all Alzheimer's patients, etc and Found as an adjuvant in lots and lots of vaccines. Of course, you can buy a stainless steel pressure pot They've got them in all the hardware stores down here, but they're about twice as expensive as an aluminum Which is why you almost never see a stainless steel one in a Latin American house It's all about the cost so when you go into a hardware or appliance store and you check out the kitchen section You'll see there are 10 times or maybe 20 times There's as many aluminum pressure pots on sale then stainless steel ones Which are usually just sitting there gathering dust on one thing to remember some of the staple meals down here are for example Rice and beans right just ask any Latina She'll tell you if you don't put your beans in a pressure pot, it'll take hours and hours for them to cook

[03:15] So what you might say? Well, and of course since most people cook with propane and that cost dough to anything to save on gas, which is a good thing Like Tina's know they can cook beans Refied and otherwise in 25 minutes in a pressure cooker instead of two hours. Just sitting on the stove Boiling away in a more traditional man. Oh and latinas. Tell me there's another trick cooking meat in a pressure cooker Remember most people are living on the edge down here. So Cost cutting and living on the cheap is a national pastime So cheap I mean very cheap cuts of meat are all the rage and you know The cheaper the cut of meat the tougher they are to chew and swallow, right? No one likes a tough cut of meat all gristle and rubbery Yuck yet when you get invited to lunch or dinner at an average Latino's house

[04:02] The meat is almost always nice and super tender. Well, it's definitely not because the family bought ribeye or tenderloin They'll never do that way too expensive You're eating the cheapest cut but it's been in the pressure cooker the end result nice and tender Which really does make all the difference in the world Latina cooks have ways of making even the cheapest cut of meat fool you into believing you're eating top shelf Nothing wrong with that. By the way, if you're used to buying high-end cuts of beef like tenderloin Ribeye's sirloin filet mignon you'll find if you go into a big supermarket, you can get all that stuff in locally sourced beef and Imported stuff from the u.s. Which is always going to be a higher price Now, of course the high-end cuts from local cattle will be slightly cheaper than the high-end cuts from the u.s

[04:49] You can also pretty much count on the fact that the locally sourced beef is much less tainted Definitely less tainted with growth hormones and antibiotics They're fed much less raw grain most likely no gmo grain at that In fact, if you drive through the countryside almost anywhere in latin america, you'll see animals grazing in the open fields Not penned up confined and eating from troughs. That's a good thing too. However Farmers will tell you locally raised beef is always a little tougher than stuff imported from the states after all Us raised beef is corn fed GMO corn mixed in of course with some growth hormones. It's to fatten them up You know the start oh and another thing when you're driving through the boonies and see a herd of cows

[05:36] You certainly will notice they don't look like a herd of cows up in the states The milk cows. Yes the Guernsey's but the beef cattle No way the beef on the hoof down here are adapted to the tropical climate Sort of odd looking compared to the beef cattle you see up in the state For one thing you're going to see all kinds of humped back cattle odd looking things so called zebu cattle Were introduced to latin america in the 16th and 17th century Why because they're very well adapted to tropical climates and are resistant to tropical diseases and heat And the gray ones with the hump are brahmin cattle from india You'll see them all over latin america too for the same reason they can take the heat and direct sun By the way, you can get that very expensive high-end wagyu beef down here in latin america too because you can get everything down here

[06:24] Now it's imported. Of course I've been in some higher-end restaurants where it's on the menu and you can buy it in butcher shops in high-end latin american business districts It's supposed to be better for you, too Because they say wagyu beef is raised in a stress-free environment with special diets including grains that aren't gmo Etc. Etc, but I don't really know much about that except to say if you like it and you've got the dough You can get it down here Speaking of one of the most common foods down here in latin america that'll kill you Let's talk for a second about chicharrones That's just deep fried pig skin fried in its own fat But i'll tell you chicharrones down here are a lot different than chicharrones up by where you live in the state Down here you'll see roadside stands especially on the boonies where some guys stirring a gigantic aluminum vat for those things

[07:11] Yep simmering away all day in a big old aluminum pot Latin american kitchens man. They're practically 100 aluminum and plastic not good someday. They might learn Anyway, chicharrones here in latin america and man. They are super popular though. You won't catch me eating them I've only tried them. I think once in my life that was enough But hey latinos really have a thing for them expat it He says they're the latino version of beef jerky if you think your kfc chicken carryout bag is saturated with grease Just get yourself a bag of roadside chicharrones Just don't put that bag on your car seat or leave it alone in your car overnight You're asking for trouble. Your car will stink like roast pig for six months. By the way. Here's a little trivia for you You remember cheech and chong? I know you boomers out there. Remember those guys

[07:57] Not my cup of tea stoner humor wasn't my thing But it is interesting to note. I once saw an interview with cheech Someone asked him what's that mean your name cheech? What kind of nickname is that? He said being mexican american when he was born when his dad first took a look at him naked in his crib He said he looked just like a chicharon Thus he was thereafter tagged with the name cheech short for cheech her own Now I still remember as a kid before I came to latin america living in chicago in certain grocery stores Especially ethnic grocery stores. You could buy a bag of pork rinds Sort of the north american sterile version of chicharrones They weren't big fat slabs of deep fried pig skin with a few hair follicles attached here and there like the homegrown ones

[08:44] They were just light crisp bubbly things and back then little did us lily white caucasian kids know They were just very thin sliced layers of pig skin Just the fat without any meat on them and when my mexican friend johnny gonzalez informed me of that I never ever ate one again. By the way back in high school. We used to hang in johnny gonzalez's basement He was sort of a latchkey kid nice guy, but he did end up in prison I mean look we all had a friend whose parents were lax. So we hung out there For my buddies and I was johnny gonzalez's basement You know a kind of a game room with a pool table and such cool place for kids to hang out parents didn't bother you Now my buddy johnny gonzalez was born in texas, but his parents came into the states illegally Got legalized though under jimmy carter's amnesty plan

[09:33] Anyway, I do remember during my high school days sitting in johnny gonzalez's basement. His nickname was taco by the way He didn't care. He wasn't offended taco was fine with him. Anyway, we'd hang in his basement listening to zeppelin or blind faith 10 years after Santana, you know the hits of the day and his mother up in the kitchen like a good mom would send down food Mexican food nachos burritos stuff like that and i'll never forget once she sent down some soft shell tacos Really packed with stuff spilling over the edges and I opened it up, you know to organize things a bit And I saw in that taco a remnant of a pig's hair with a couple of hairs growing out of it Well, I can tell you that was the last time I ate anything that wasn't pre-packaged in johnny gonzalez's basement Kind of turned me off to mexican food in general. I'm still that way today

[10:22] How about you? Did you ever have a food hallelujah moment like that that turned you off to a whole wide palette of cultural food? Just for one horrible little incident be it mexican tie chinese jewish greek arabic, whatever I had a moment like that with greek food as well About the way they seem to use every part of a goat that gross little stories best left unsaid for now All right. Let's take an email from kathy living in ecuador. She says johnny On a show previously you talked about how latin american priests and the clergy are more than happy To bless your house your car your land your furniture not that it helps or has any effect but who knows well johnny if you think they just bless inanimate objects you'd be wrong because Guess what the annual blessing of pets begins this sunday morning july 27th at 8 p.m

[11:11] At san sebastian church in quenka that is if you're in quenka it's happening all over the country that day by the way Kathy says that traditional pet blessing was established way back in the days of st. Francis of a cc The catholic patron saint of animals So you bring your pet down to the church and your priest will sprinkle holy water on him while reciting a couple of prayer So will it help will your pet be nicer happier live longer who knows? By the way johnny speaking of latin american governments copying the us copying all the worst Aspects of us government you might be interested in the fact that just this week Ecuador national police arrested 11 people for drug trafficking And when they raided the houses they found stolen motorcycles stolen cell phones and other valuables

[11:57] along with 37 kilos of cocaine seven kilos of marijuana And an undisclosed quantity of cash. It's always undisclosed johnny That way the cops who get there first can share a bit of it and no one has to know the real number Anyway, johnny out of the 11 members captured and arrested Seven of them had long rap sheets had been arrested previously many times in release down here Johnny just like up in the states the judicial system is corrupt. There's a revolving door and crime pays It pays for the first cops on the scene too signed kathy and quenca ecuador P.s Wish I would have found your show earlier about five years ago when I first started my plane beat All right, kathy. Thanks for that the thing about getting the church to bless your pets

[12:45] Didn't know about that Somehow, I don't think my doberman's would take kindly to that Yeah, I bet when all those pets get together in that church parking lot Hope it's in the parking lot and not in the church I can foresee trouble because I know how latinos train their pets or I should say don't train their pets But you knew that already, didn't you? All right moving on I was privy to a little discussion the other day that just might shock you I was sitting with a group of four very smart 30 something latino business owners Guys with 10 20 even 50 employees under them one guy owned a few restaurants another guy a building construction business and another guy A camera and security outfit and I was sitting with a gringo buddy of mine with these guys By the way

[13:30] My gringo buddy who had a very successful air conditioning business up in the states before he came down here and retired One of the latino guys said to him I can understand that you retired young. I also understand why when you came down here to latin america You didn't try to start an air conditioning business down here. He rolled his eyes and said I get it Dealing with the latino mentality isn't easy And that's when the conversation took a strange turn the latino business guys those four guys Started talking about the latino mentality and why latinos even very smart latinos often fail to launch Oh and a bit more about these guys these four guys these latinos who've made it in latin american business They all said they had their chance to move to the states, but they're staying here in latin america

[14:17] They're absolutely fine with their businesses in latin america and live quite well. Oh, they'll visit the states nova york disneyland, etc But they've got no desire to set up shop or live there permanently. Imagine that latinos will come right out and tell you They wouldn't want to live there Of course, that's because they're doing fine in their own country. Anyway They were talking about how every time they visit the us and see their latino relatives and friends there Most of those friends and relatives who came to the states illegally tell them not to go back and encourage them to stay in the states To overstay their tourist visa and thus become illegals themselves In other words, their friends and relatives living up in the states illegal or not are telling them they're crazy not to move there Anyway, this group of successful latinas just laugh at their buddies and friends up there and say why

[15:06] Why would I want to overstay my tourist visa in the states and live forever after as an illegal alien? Always and forever looking over my shoulder when i've got a thriving business and make a nice living in my own home country That's when these four latino success stories brought up the subject of the latino mentality a third world mentality They never seemed to break free of well, my gringo buddy and I were surprised at how the conversation was going first of all one guy started out by saying latinos are their own worst enemy and they directed a lot of their conversation to Me and my buddy the two gringos As to enlighten us and one guy said if you notice a certain thing about the hispanic community When a latino guy gets home from work, he'll go into the fridge pull out a few beers and start drinking

[15:52] He won't read a book he'll turn up the music he won't go on youtube to Learn a new way to be able to get a license to become a contractor or check out business or an llc They won't look for ways to be their own boss to start their own businesses. Instead latino guys will depend on others family friends When looking for a job themselves, they almost always prefer the comfort of working for the man working for somebody else In fact, one of those guys said i've spoken to a lot of people that are in the physical labor force and I asked him Tell me about your manager your boss. For example, he says I was talking to a guy last week He does grading and asphalt. He says oh man My boss, give me a break. The son of the owner is my boss. He took over the company and he's an idiot

[16:41] I hate working for him But man, you know you got to eat and then the latino telling this story said to the asphalt guy If your boss is such an idiot, then you should be able to replace him. You should be able to run a company as boss Why don't you do that? Why don't you start your own asphalt company? You know more than the boss the guy answered. Hmm. I never thought of that. Maybe I should And that's the unspoken latino mentality. He said we all know how to do things We have an idea that we can do better than our bosses We probably can but as soon as we get a little money We get ahead enough that we might be able to start a new business. Take that first step. What do we do? We forget all about that great business idea and we buy a new truck or a new car We get a little bit of money

[17:28] We go to the bank or to a loan shark We borrow even more money so we can throw the biggest quinceaños party for our 15 year old daughter The neighborhood's ever seen just to show off to our friends and neighbors all for those latino entrepreneurs agreed latino work ethic is good Even great. We work our asses off, but our priorities are all messed up We care more about showing off and impressing our friends then we do about getting ahead on our own terms Then one of those guys one of those latino entrepreneurs said I see it all the time into my own family We talk about how we're going to save money how we're going to sacrifice for the next two or three years No more new cars. No more partying every weekend No more buying and drinking a 12 pack as soon as we get off of work and we're going to save that cash and in the meantime

[18:16] Start learning from you gringos and expats how to run a business properly. That's the idea That's what's in every latino working guy's mind, but there is almost never a follow through That's because we live in an era of smartphones and stupid latinos We've never had so much access to good information and we don't even have to be bilingual our phones and youtube Will do the translations for us We've got the skills he says, but we don't think like gringos He said what are we spending our energy on we're doing stupid shit that gets us nowhere What latinos don't realize is that many of us know some english we speak both languages So we already have a huge leg up over gringos who just speak english

[19:01] Plus we know the gringo and the latino market. We know how both cultures think That gives us a leg up too. But what do we do instead? We end up working for the man cleaning houses doing the gardening Putting up the drywall and at the end of the day we drink and we party Oh and get this then he said who do you think latinos hate on the most other latinos? Of course, he said any latino who we perceive is doing better than we are gets some hate Funny how we don't hate on gringos or muslims or asians. So why not copy what gringos are doing, right? But we don't we are so jealous and unfocused yet Many of us speak two languages and we're computer literate. We know how to use the internet, but we use it stupidly

[19:48] Facebook instagram tiktok. Those are our guideposts Meanwhile on youtube you've got the greatest teaching platform in the world You can learn how to do anything on youtube and it's 100 free But we're the only culture that ignores all that Think of the middle easterns and the asians and the jews They don't think that way they come over here to the us to latin america and start businesses. They're fearless He says in latin america You could walk into any store any restaurant any place of business and see there's a middle eastern person Or a jewish person an asian person in charge running things But I don't ever remember a latino buddy or friend or family member of mine saying i'm gonna walk into one of those stores and watch How that asian guy runs things i'm gonna copy that and start my own business. Nope. We just don't think like that

[20:37] He said for example you go into a clothing store or a jewelry shop the guy in charge The owner is asian or middle east He's got three or four latinos or latinas working for him doing everything while he sits behind the cash register Why is it none of those latinos or latinas working there? Ever quits and starts up his own competing business. They've learned the trade. They've got all the skills Instead they move on to another job working for an asian or a middle easterner You'd think after working in a fabric store or shoe store or clothing store for three or four years They'd be such experts. They could open a shop just like that in their sleep Nope, when they change jobs, they'll end up working for the man. Once again, are they not paying attention? Running a tienda or a store is not brain surgery I'll say it again. He said us latinos are just not focused. We act rich now thinking we'll get rich later

[21:29] We love to dream and then one of those young latino entrepreneurs said I used to work for an asian He told me something i'll never forget the problem with the latino culture He said was that when you eat the fruit you spit out the seeds us asians We eat the fruit and plant the seeds Food for a thought. All right moving on Occasionally people send emails asking me to talk more about chile Chile, you know, it's considered probably the most first world Of all the 20 latin american countries first world stable. Anyway And the infrastructure roads highways bridges pretty good condition in some ways better than the us And of course people say it's the least corrupt latin american country, too

[22:15] Well, whatever you're thinking all that is really debatable Especially in lieu of some of the articles have been coming out about chile lele for example reading a bit from the following op-ed piece Coming from chile's biggest daily news service It says the dream of owning your own home in chile ends in a nightmare Not only for young people especially if you're an older adult with a family home that you acquired decades ago Whose valuation has increased considerably This is the situation now from many older chileans whose income decreases as time goes on yet the value of their property increases Wow, where have I heard that before? From my mother in chicago. Yeah, she bought her house in what 1960

[23:01] For 19 500 and today it's valued at around 300 000 In 1960 her property taxes were around 180 bucks a year in 2024 around 4000 bucks a year, by the way, I just went to an inflation calculator that said since 1960 the us dollar And the us cost of living has inflated 989 percent so my mother's 19 000 house. She bought 1960 should be worth 207 000 and today's debased and inflated funny money But according to realtors in the present market about 50 percent more than that And her taxes in 1960 which were 180 bucks a year should be adjusted for that almost

[23:47] 1000 percent inflation now in 2025 1961 in inflated debased us funny money, but since us government is a toxic unstoppable cancerous blob Her taxes today are about twice that it's apparent the same thing's happening in chile They too like the us have instituted a plan to revalue all houses and real estate properties at present day value That sounds familiar too So then why am I bringing this up? Because of what's popped up just in the past weekend all of chile's social media and of course in the spanish speaking press Allow me to read some excerpts from this headline article. It says it all. Okay, here goes It's been discovered that the director the head of the tax office in chile the number one guy

[24:34] Has been invading property taxes for nine years It goes on to say and i'll translate here Resignation and restitution seems to be the only way out for the highest ranking tax official of the tax collecting agency Did you catch the wording there? They said nothing about putting them in jail or finding them. The article just says the resignation and Restitution seems to be the only way out that's about par for the course these f***s never seem to do any real jail time Oh, they get house arrests sitting pretty in their huge beach houses and mansions with the servants and the cooks hot and cold running pool boys constant stream of gym pilates and tai chi trainers Which just reinforces my long-held belief in term limits two terms only one term on the job and one term in prison

[25:26] You get elected you pick the sequence and finally comes this sort of edgy email from sarah She says johnny do latin american women have the same fascination with penis size Do they talk about it regularly like american women do? She says i've noticed in the past few years. There are more and more american women exercising opinions about penis size on the internet blogs podcasts, etc She says I wonder are latin american women as open and free about those types of discussions Just curious sarah not my real name. No, I didn't think so Well sarah I think your gut feeling is latin american women are a lot more hesitant and conservative about discussing that kind of stuff and they are Though it does seem if you can get people talking everyone's got an opinion on it

[26:14] But as a conversational icebreaker, I don't think so, but you know even mark twain himself You know one of america's greatest literary kings who died in 19 four in a very conservative age Even he had an opinion on penis size Go ahead. Look it up. Here's what he said. He said In my day. They never much said the actual word penis in mixed company or literature But referred to it in a hundred other ways For example in literary terms even back to shakespeare's day They would say things like cod piece referring to penis Twain himself noted in some of his private and personal correspondence that men should not be judged by the size of their penis He said and I quote I failed to see any special merit in penises of more than the usual size

[27:04] He says i've found no history books claiming that certain of our forefathers like washington napoleon or caesar were exceptionally well endowed And just look at michael angelos david With a pitiful withered thing compared to the enormity of the man boy statue Hmm the words of mark twain aka samuel clements by the way Have you seen michael angelos famous statue of david in florence? I have and you know mark twain was right You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in central america

[27:51] Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com