#1472 – The Expat Files: Penis Size, Entrepreneurship, and Digital Security in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now that I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started All right today We're gonna start out with a subject that just might turn some moms and grandmas out there a little bit red They may get a little hissy about the subject, but I doubt they'll switch me off So today by popular demand, we're gonna talk about an oft lied about subject penis sizes in Latin America and elsewhere

[00:52] Hey, don't laugh. It's a big concern for a lot of people. So then why am I even bringing this subject up? Well, because there's a lot of internet talk going around lately Saying that get this Ecuadorian men. Yeah, you know Ecuador or South America are the most generously endowed men in the world Go ahead do a search. You'll find those articles But is that really true? You'll see all kinds of statistics quoted charts circulating online So what's the real truth? How much of that stuff is made up how much of that stuff is basically self-reported? Exaggerations and how much is real and what are they measuring actually? Well when you measure, you know where the tip is, but the base How do you find that sometimes that's up for grabs, right? So there's measurement error always a bone of contention. Ouch

[01:40] That's not a consistent point. You can measure there's no hard and fast landmark. Oh Though what's true is Latinos have a very strong streak of macho is it shows up in the way Latino men carry themselves in The street how they talk to women how they talk about women how they posture and swagger when they're around eligible ladies how so many lower and middle-class Latino men Went out and about with their buddies will whistle and make cat calls as women go past When let's not forget Latino machoism has a deep jealousy component to it often leading to over-the-top reactions and physical abuse But let's not dwell on that stuff. Let's talk about the basics What's the real skinny on Latin American and in fact worldwide male penis size now?

[02:26] You might say what does Johnny know about that subject aside from the fact that he's a guy With opinions and he could search the internet as well as the next guy Well, I'll tell you besides having some skin in the game You You could say I'm in the know because I was spoken to the experts on the subject there are experts, you know Everyone has an opinion on the subject, but there are experts the best kind of irrefutable experts, too There was a time, you know when I was on syndicated Latin American radio every day Of course, you didn't get any of those shows up in the states because I was on Spanish language radio I was the gringo in the morning and the drive-by guy Basically on the air in many of the big city Latin American radio markets from 2000 to 2008 Anyway, occasionally I'd have guests on the show and of course guests who were sponsors

[03:14] Yeah, they'll let them on even if they were boring as shit because they were paying the bills Some of my sponsors were interesting some boring my sponsors being Heineken Gold Jim Hooters Harley Davidson and Latin American Italian restaurant chain Amongst others and for a while one of our station reps was the Durex condom company You might have heard of them Durex. Do you rex is the largest condom company in the world? Selling I found out during that interview to more than a hundred and forty different countries Anyway, as you might imagine that particular show had huge ratings and the guy spoke in a boring monotone But it wasn't about him. It was about the subject Everyone wanted to hear what the Durex condom rep had to say. Well, I'll give you some of the highlights

[03:59] But more importantly he gave me to keep for myself a very nice laminated chart with region and country breakdown depicting average penis sizes and thus the types and models of Durex condoms they sold most in those countries because around that time Durex had about 10 styles and types of condoms all Available in different sizes too, you know small medium large extra large extra small and of course That's the part that caught everyone's interest. Well over the years after a lot of moving around Staying in lots of different Airbnb's condos and houses Unfortunately, somehow my Durex condom chart went missing. I sort of think someone nicked it I think because it was such an unusual thing such a conversation starter and stopper

[04:47] Basically, it was a map of the world, you know One of those Cartesian coordinate things with each country's average penis size and favorite condom style highlighted. God I wish I still had that thing I'm thinking some friend or acquaintance or other that I showed it to just thought it was way too cool and lifted it Anyway, lucky for me the radio stations recorded every one of my shows In fact every week the station would give me a CD disc Remember those things with my week shows recorded on them So I have a copy of that show and here are some of the highlights if you're interested. Oh, yeah I know you're not interested, right? So go ahead get a snack change channels Jump on tick-tock look at porn whatever floats your boat because this is gonna be boring, right? Anyway, when I had that Durex guest on well first we talked about why men exaggerate their height income and penis size

[05:41] That seems to be the pattern in every culture But as the Durex rep pointed out men can lie but Durex doesn't they have the stats they have the sales they have the charts Categorized by culture and country so they have a very good country breakdown over many years Based on size and sales and of course Durex has testing laboratories with actual physical Volunteers paid another way anyway that aside Durex has data on average penis size by country For example countries like the Democratic Republic of Congo and Sudan have an average penis length of seven point one inches They're at the very high end of the curve thus the need for larger than average condoms By the way average worldwide erect penis size five point two inches Now in contrast to some of those African countries seven point one inches

[06:30] You've got Japan average length five inches Vietnam four inches in Thailand 3.7 inches those countries naturally Utilize smaller snugger fitting condoms. Oh, and we forgot China average for China five inches now the odd thing even in the 20 Latin American countries There are notable differences Apparently it's true according to Durex Ecuador does have the largest average erect penis size among all the Latin American countries at 6.9 to 7 inches followed by Venezuela at 6.7 inches Colombia ranked third with six point six Panama six point four Nicaragua six point four as well Mexico at five point nine Not very good news for all you macho cabrones out there

[07:18] with the average erect penis size across all Latin American countries approximately six point three inches and Get this the average erect penis size for Caucasian men in the United States is 5.7 inches though again, we're talking about old stats now some of these numbers have changed in 20 years some haven't though I have to point out new studies if you look them up You'll see that for American Caucasian men You'll see the size is down from five point seven inches 20 years ago to five point five now So what about black Americans? Well, it's true that age old myth is true, but not by much For white guys in the US the average is five point seven for black guys. It's slightly higher at five point eight But back to those Latin American stats, which by the way, and as you've heard beat out North American stats

[08:08] So I guess you could say Latino guys got that going for them Anyway, we left off at Mexico at five point nine inches with the average erect penis size across all Latin American countries at six point three inches Unfortunately, though for men in Central American countries, they ranked pretty low in these stats. For example, Guatemala five point two inches El Salvador even worse five inches Costa Rica five point four inches Panama the outlier at six point one inches Then there's Argentina mostly white people mostly Caucasian five point eight inches Chile five point seven inches Brazil six point two inches So overall Latin America beats out the states Asia and Europe good to know or is it now to be complete

[08:54] Let's not forget Puerto Rico five point nine inches Oh and the motherland spain the average erect penis size is approximately five point eight inches Since we're talking about Europe the top contenders are France and Italy who both have an average erect penis size of six point zero inches Though remember if you go around the internet searching for this stuff Since this is not an exact science. You're gonna come up with some conflicting numbers Depends who's doing the study who's doing the measuring and in the case of durex They're the experts by the way, you heard me say I lost my durex laminated penis sizing chart I've got a place of honor in my man cave for that thing if I ever find it. What a conversation starter Anyway, I'm sort of sad to have lost that thing because I've been looking all over for it on the internet

[09:42] And guess what turns out the guys at durex. They went woke not only is that thing unavailable They're sort of denying from what I can tell that it ever even existed. Yep. They went woke Certainly because it's been 20 years now and probably the entire management and middle management of durex are no longer Open-minded boomers or Gen Xers who knows anyway another little tidbit. I picked up from that durex guy. He said AIDS The sickness was an absolute boom for condom sales But most recently year over year if you check the internet, you'll see condom sales our way down Surely because the stats say people are having less sex funny thing though I had to bring up to him the fact that in high school even college everyone I knew had a condom in his wallet It was a rite of passage in those days just in case there was a slim chance for a miracle

[10:32] You know the triumph of hope over experience Turns out engineering students are eternal optimists Yep, my nerd buddies in engineering school. They were all eternal optimists frustrated nerds with Charlie's angels posters plastered all over the dorm rooms Man, I bet you some of those guys even today if you pick through their wallets you'd find that condom of course nowadays I understand young college and high school age girls carry their own condoms man. How things have changed Anyway, the durex guy gave me some statistic about the percentage of condoms that get bought and never used Can't remember the percentage, but it's very high So anyway the bottom line and take away from this little rant Yes, it's true black American males lead the way slightly over white Americans with Latin Americans on average in the top spot worldwide

[11:22] Who'd have thought huh with Central American countries mostly SOL and taking the booby prize? Oh, and here's an interesting note sometime during that conversation The erect penis size of indigenous Latin Americans came up The durex guy admitted they skewed the curve downward much smaller sizes than the average Latino But he also said at that time remember we're talking about 2003 or 4 he said indigenous people basically did not spend money on condoms So yes general data on average penis size by country is available all condom manufacturers have the stats and really I think those are the only stats you can believe because Men will lie about that just like they will about their height their income and their bank balance. So, how about you?

[12:08] How do you measure up the reality not your imagination? Alright moving on. I'd like to comment on an article that just came in From a friend and expat insider repeat offender Kelsey who now owns a property and a coffee farm in Guatemala He sent me this very interesting article from Reason magazine titled the nearly free markets of Guatemala Oh and this touches on a particular theme that's near and dear to my heart Because you see I come from a very big family up in the States on my mother's side alone I got 56 first cousins even when I left over 30 years ago I couldn't remember their names or even recognize them on the street sometimes and that's my mother's side of the family My father's side of the family. Well, let's put it this way My uncle's got nine kids and my dad had eight brothers and sisters on my mother's side

[12:58] I've got ten aunts and uncles now I mentioned this because it's very odd with probably a hundred cousins in total and 20 aunts and uncles between all of them get this only two of them one uncle and one cousin are Entrepreneurs that started their own businesses all the rest either work for the man somewhere or our professors or physicians dentists accountants chemists engineers Mostly professionals working for the man. So my family is very well educated lots of professionals and teachers but almost no entrepreneurs Except one uncle who owns a farm and a miniature golf course and driving rain one cousin who has a glass blowing and glass etching Business and me that's just three out of over a hundred blood relatives There's just in my family very little history of entrepreneurship. Now. I don't know what it's like for your family

[13:48] Maybe you've got entrepreneurs relatives who own furniture stores and restaurants, etc But from what I've been able is most Americans even very educated Americans end up working for the man or actually set their sights on working for the man and that doesn't have to be a bad boring job could be an executive position a CEO job at some big Firm like Caterpillar tractor or General Electric. Now, that's a big big difference and huge contrast from what I see here in Latin America Case in point. Let's talk about Guatemala a perfect case. You walk through Guatemala downtown city and you'll feel it Vendors are lined along the sidewalk selling everything from typical Guatemalan food Which you've probably never tasted or heard of before It's a handcrafted jewelry homemade boots and shoes often

[14:34] They have tiny little kiosks that they can break down at night Just steps away or right out in front or in the aisles of strip malls and shopping centers that have the usual suspect brands And luxury items that we all know and sometimes by so Guatemalan and other places here in Latin America are Countries where people don't wait for permission or perfect conditions to set up a little business somewhere They improvise adapt and build most of the time without permission Seems like every street corner and even when you drive out to the boonies You see little handmade kiosks and tin shacks that you know We're set up on the fly and just can't have any legit permission people don't mind. They're used to it For example visitors can see the spirit in action in places like Mercado Central That's the big gigantic central market in Guatemala City right off his own one where

[15:24] Generations of merchants have set up shop without permission in the city's historic center There are produce and vegetable markets handicrafts markets ceramic markets and markets and all kinds of handmade goods Just buzzing with activity mostly run by females in their indigenous outfit Or in regular street clothes with one or two dashes of indigenous clothing. Anyway, according to this article about 45% of adult Guatemalans are involved in some kind of entrepreneurial activity that as opposed to what I just told you about my family a very educated family Who only maybe two or three percent of us are involved in entrepreneurial activity? How crazy is that now it says in this article a guy named David Casasola director of research for global Entrepreneurial ship at UFM the University of Francisco modern keen that Guatemala ranks second out of 45 countries

[16:15] Participating in a survey of the world's most comprehensive study on entrepreneurship Which includes economies from every region and income level across the world In other words Guatemala ranked second of 45 countries for the highest share of adults owning and managing a recently created business It also held the third highest rate for female Entrepreneurship. So what does all that mean? Well, it's all partly shaped by necessity around 90% of Guatemala entrepreneurs start their own businesses because formal job opportunities are scarce in the legit market and Strict labor regulations that's throughout Guatemala and the rest of Latin America Make it difficult to enter the formal work for it because the way formal hiring works It's very restrictive. You see employers the bosses know that labor laws in Latin America

[17:05] And Guatemala are designed to protect the workers. Sure. It's a fact people don't get paid very much at all But the labor laws state that there are very rigid termination rules I've talked about that before on previous shows For example, if you fire someone after their trial period the boss the owner has come up with a sizable severance package Sometimes adding up to over six months even a year of their usual pay And if you're a poor or middle-class average Latin American and you want to start a formal business on the books That's not easy either. There are layers of bureaucracy and paperwork You got to get through and that stuff's not a problem for gringles and expats We just hand it over to a lawyer and he does everything but your average Latin American doesn't have the money to do that So they start their little ground-up business off the books the gray market

[17:54] Ironically those very obstacles those heavy-duty labor laws have pushed a large percentage In this case Guatemalans into entrepreneurship and because they know they'd be faced with endless red tape If they were going legit in the formal markets, they just turn to the informal ventures Listen to this statistic about 70% of early-stage ventures in Guatemala operate without registration or permits now, of course those businesses that survive and adapt and grow are the ones that eventually will formalize because they'll have to hire some More employees and that will not go unnoticed by government officials But whether formal or informal a business is still a business and the value of all those ventures add to the society Create job foster innovation, etc. The problem is for the average Latin American who has no capital

[18:44] Just a good idea to start a business credit is virtually unavailable and if they want to formalize their business They'll be burdened by countless government obstacles So in the end the article states that Guatemala is an extraordinary country home to ancient Mayan pyramids, etc jungles active volcanoes towering vibrant cities and 23 officially recognized languages, but perhaps its greatest untapped treasure. It's its Entrepreneurial energy you see it every day just walk down any street. You can't miss it now. Here's the thing I've known many many Latin Americans and it seems everyone except the ones with rich parents Have some kind of side hustle going even my Latina girlfriend who's an executive at a cell phone and internet company She set up a side hustle with her mother turning the ground floor of her mother's house into a clothing

[19:33] Variety store, of course, she doesn't work there, but she does the ordering. She's the buyer and manages the inventory She only visits the place maybe once every two week No permits no government involvement at all. But as mentioned like so many Latinas She's got the entrepreneurial spirit something that almost no one in my family ever had in fact Even when I was going to Catholic school the kids in my classes their parents almost exclusively worked for the man right now I can't think of a single kid whose parents had their own business so once again down here in Latin America seems like Everyone's got a side hustle and families especially middle class and lower middle class Latino families pool their dough That's how they make ends meet In fact you longtime listeners might remember a while back when I was looking for a Guatemalan architect to design my home

[20:20] I ended up scouting out a guy who was second in his class who had graduated maybe two years earlier from the university Well, as you might imagine in Latin America It's very hard for a new architect who isn't an apple baby or doesn't have connections to get his foot into an architectural firm So he didn't I found him by going to the architectural school and asked about current graduate Turns out he'd graduated two years earlier, but was working at a hardware store and turns out He was selling Bibles recorded on CD on the internet. That was his side hustle and get this He had a rickety motorcycle. And if you bought one of those Bible CDs for I think it was around 10 bucks He'd deliver it to your home. Oh, and by the way, you know that lag time thing that exists throughout Latin America here

[21:06] Just think about when music CDs and CD rhymes Cease to exist in your home ceased to exist in the grocery and record stores When was that around in 2010? Maybe in the States right around when iPhones took off Well down here in Latin America with that persistent lag time It took about five more years here for those CDs to be phased out I remember for a fact going to big markets in Guatemala and there'd be huge kiosks with CDs everywhere Movies music CDs seems like in every street corner There was a kiosk just jam-packed with hundreds even thousands of those things and of course nowadays They don't exist at all. They've completely disappeared. Some people don't even remember they existed There are Gen Zers who've never even seen or touched one Oh and do you remember people especially guys would hang them from the rearview mirror of their car and everyone had an album

[21:58] With plastic leaflets in it like a thick book holding your favorite CDs Where are those now seems like every living room and car had one they're in landfills and in our bodies now Question is what happened to all those little guys and gals selling those CDs and kiosks down here. Well, you know, it's that Entrepreneurial thing by necessity again, they just moved on to selling something else Tell you what when there's a shift in the market, they don't quit the shift with it. You gotta eat Alright moving on. I'd like to talk a little bit now about the dangers of driving in Latin America Now don't think I'm gonna rehash old stats or warn you about things, you know about already I just want to read you a little-known fact out of the big Latin American newspaper El Mercurio

[22:43] It says and I'll translate According to the national transit agencies in various Latin American countries inattentive driving Caused by cell phone used was linked to one-quarter of all traffic accidents in 2024 The trend is so pronounced that in 2025 Inattentive driving due to cell phone use suppressed speeding as the leading cause of road accident This shift in dangerous driving habits has fueled changes in transit codes With harsher punishments and fines for drivers guilty of cell phone infractions For example classifying these infractions as aggravating factors in wrongful death cases Carrying much heavier fines in jail time

[23:31] Yeah, so finally Latin American transit agencies are recognizing the problem. So then what's it mean? Well, probably nothing because enforcement of existing traffic laws is pretty much non-existent People run red lights with impunity. You've got motorcycles going down sidewalks and in pedestrian only spaces Motorcycles and cars going the wrong way down a one-way illegal turns running red lights and stop signs It really is absolute chaos. So drive as little as possible. And if you do own a car Don't buy a new one or one that's in perfect cosmetic shape because in time it'll only piss you off and frustrate you And finally, let's talk a bit about what's up Everyone's favorite free app here in Latin America an app

[24:16] Which by the way, I say you have to have or you just can't do anything here in Latin America You're plumber your electrician your gardener. They're gonna be on WhatsApp So is your dentist and physician? So if you don't have it, you're pretty much disconnected from society You also heard me say many times you never want to put anything personal on there and never take photos of legal documents or bank Statements, etc. No matter how secure you think it is or what you read now. I've taken some heat from that I've gotten quite a few emails from people saying Johnny you're wrong quit scaring people telling them that what's up has been hacked Or it's breached or that they turn over info to government agencies and such Why are you saying that Johnny? What's up uses end-to-end encryption? No one can crack what's up. Well, guess what?

[25:03] I'm reading an article from the Guardian the title of which is Get this X. What's up? Cybersecurity executive says meta endangered billions of what's up users Anyway, as it turned out this guy the ex cyber security executive for what's up was fired this year for poor performance Allegedly now he's in court suing his ex boss fart suck a turd Because he's got proof that engineers at what's up breached What's up and gave them on audited access to all user data Goes out to say a former top cyber security executive at what's up filed a lawsuit Monday alleging that meta knew of internal flaws and what's apps digital defenses and exposed billions of its users to

[25:53] Outside hackers and to the 1500 engineers working at what's up the lawsuit claims that approximately 1500 what's up engineers had Unrestricted access to all user data without proper oversight He also claimed the company failed to remedy the hacking and taking over of more than a hundred thousand What's up accounts each day? Charging meta the parrot company failed to implement basic Cybersecurity measures on what's up including adequate data handling and breach detection capability according to the lawsuits 115 page complaint mr. Beg the cyber security expert Found out that any one of those 1500 engineers could move or steal user data including contact information IP addresses chats

[26:43] photos Anything posted on what's up without detection or audit trail? It says this case adds to the ongoing scrutiny of metas data protection practices across all of its platform including fake book Instagram and what's ups billions of users globally now meta The parent company says this guy is just a disgruntled employee However, what most people don't know is that meta agreed to a multi-million dollar 2020 government settlement following an Analytical hack which harvested data from 50 million fake book users Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So what do you think about posting every little bowel movement on what's up now? I know I know you got to have it, but be very careful what you post and especially documents

[27:31] Don't do it use signal You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in Central America Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com. No spamos You