#161 – The Expat Files: Mexico’s Complex Reality

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:03] Hi everybody, I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America. The show that tells you what it's really like to live, work, play and or retire in Latin America. I tell it just like it is, not the version they give you in those glossy travel magazines or the picture they paint for you in those international traveler websites where they're only trying to sell you something. What's it really like for expats living in Latin America? Well if you stick around a while you'll find out, so let's get started. You know I always get emails about Mexico, because a long long time ago Mexico was the place to go. Everybody was talking about it and it was featured in a lot of Hollywood movies. I mean that's the first place anybody from the United States went on a foreign vacation.

[00:48] They just jumped right across the border, usually Tijuana or Juarez or Laredo. They partied a while, got sick and came back the next day to one of those big cities in Southern California or Texas with a huge hangover. I know I've been there. You know those college days? Though that was way back in the 70s. And even before that in the 50s people were touting Acapulco as the big tourist destination. Till that got kind of dingy and seedy. Then came Cancun and Xtapa and Veracruz and places like Playa del Carmen and of course you had those great Mayan ruins everywhere too to see. Like Chichen Itza. And what was nice about Mexico was that if you went on vacation there or bought a summer home or retired there, in every little group of Mexicans at least one of them spoke broken English. So you didn't have to bother.

[01:34] Because in every Mexican family there was an uncle or an aunt or two that had slipped into the states illegally, got caught, got deported, and now are stuck back in the home country licking their wounds. And they're always looking the bond with any gringo they come across, because they really do miss the United States. What they miss is the money that they made in the United States. And that's why when you get invited to the common man's house down here for any kind of celebration where there's a big get together, some guy in the family will make his move and corner you. And by the way, it's always a guy and never a woman, because women are too timid to pull that. Anyway, they'll start a conversation with you in broken English. Sometimes really broken English. And they'll tell you about how they know the United States because they used to live in Texas, or Nueva York, or Cleveland, or Los Angeles. And they'll start telling you about all the things they like about the place, all the

[02:21] people they met, how cool it was, what they saw and what kind of job they had, and that of course they're going back. But what they never tell you is that the reason that they're back home right now is because they were caught and deported. And believe me, any Latin that's been up in the United States more than six months or a year who've had a taste of the kind of money they can make up there compared to the home country, they have the greatest desire in the world to sneak back in. Because you see, once they've been deported and they're back in their home country, they're like a fish out of water. It's like they have a foot in the first and the third world. Only they don't like the third world at all because they had no money there, no education, no possessions and nothing to look forward to. But when they go to the States, they can always get a job on a construction crew somewhere making 10 bucks an hour, doing drywall or as a plumber or carpenter's helper.

[03:07] Whereas back home with no skills and no education, they'd be making about 10 or 12 bucks a day. That's the minimum wage down here. And that's been going on for a long, long time. But you see, things have really changed for the worst in the last five years. So many Latins, mostly Mexicans, have gone up to the United States and they end up going right straight where they can get lost in the big cities like LA, Chicago and New York – Nueva York they call it – and they end up with their own kind in the worst sections of those towns, little Mexican barrios. That years ago used to be nice, quaint, calm little barrios that you and I could visit where we could even take a date, go to a latin disco and a nice real authentic Mexican restaurant. But those days are over, believe me. Those little Hispanic neighborhoods in the big cities like Chicago aren't little and quaint anymore.

[03:52] They're big and infused with gang members and violence. And when Central American and Mexican illegals slip into the United States and end up in those barrios, what with all that gang activity going down, a huge percentage of them don't end up doing drywall or buffing out cars. Because the money is much better in extortion, drugs and robbery. So when these gang guys up in Chicago, New York and LA get caught by immigration and ship back down to Latin America, they come back down with a really nice set of first world criminal skills. And about 95% of them that get deported end up back in Mexico. Because 20 times as many Mexican illegals flood into the United States than from anywhere else in Latin America. So naturally, US immigration catches and deports 20 times as many Mexicans than other Latin Americans.

[04:38] So basically, in the last 5 or 10 years, Mexico has become absolutely saturated with bad guys that have been trained by first world Latino criminals when they lived in those cities up in the first world. And that's one of the big reasons I don't recommend Mexico for anyone. Not to live or hang out or start a business anyway. Now a nice week or weekend package deal like Cancun or Playa del Carmen or one of the high volume beach resorts, well that's okay because you're usually in a nice protected area. An all inclusive hotel package where all the hotels themselves are on a strip and always very well guarded because that's the hotel bread and butter, tourism. And I can tell you personally I've been to Cancun a couple of times and a few years ago when I first went, it was very peaceful and tranquil. But these days it's a lot different. Well not only is tourism way down, but at night if you sit out on your luxury hotel

[05:26] patio, if you sit out there long enough you're going to hear gunshots. And of course they're not down the street or even a few blocks away, but you realize that somewhere within earshot someone's on the wrong end of a 9mm or a 38mm. And not that you don't hear the occasional gunshot in Detroit, Boston or Cleveland. But then again, Cleveland ain't no Caribbean beach town now is it? And I know a lot of people write these emails to me about Mexico because they've made an investment there already and they're actually fishing for some good news. They've got a retirement home or a little business or they bought some land and they're building a house, whatever. They've either settled in or are making some plans for the future. So I can't blame them when they write these concerned emails asking me for particulars on certain things. And I'm sorry to say I can't tell you that it's going to get better, it's just going to get worse.

[06:11] I mean there's no way to paint a good picture anymore. Mexico is in ruins. Every cop and politician is on the take and they come cheap believe me. And the fact is if you can bribe all the government officials, including the judges and the juries, I don't care how many cops you have and how many laws you pass or how many US law enforcement agents or agencies you send down there to help mount, after the local cops and officials have had that training session, well I don't care how much training these local cops get from first world law enforcement sent down from Texas or California. As soon as the US contingent leaves, and believe me when they leave, they leave a ton of equipment behind. They give local law enforcement all the latest gadgets to be one step ahead of the narcos who have great equipment too. Well anyway, the fact is these Mexican cops are still making 3 to 500 bucks a month.

[07:00] And like expat Eddie says, you know Johnny, I could walk up to any one of these cops with all their first world Kevlar vests and helmets and SWAT equipment strapped to them and I could offer them 100 bucks to take a walk and they'll do it. As long as nobody's watching, they're all on the take. The bottom line is that Glock and that Kevlar vest that they're wearing are worth more than 6 months of their salary. And that's why the whole system is so corrupt. It's not that these guys are actively on the take and they're getting paid out every week by some Narco Mafia type kingpin. It's just that if a guy is doing a big drug deal around the corner, all he's gotta do is walk up to the nearest cop, give him 100 bucks and tell him to take a walk and guess what? He's not gonna bust him, he's gonna take that walk. Because not only is 100 bucks a week's salary for the guy, he knows that if he takes that walk another 100 bucks will come his way soon enough.

[07:47] Because the Narco trade is all about repeat business. And as far as you expats who are living in Mexico, if you're living in a gated community, well that's okay but you still gotta go out once in a while, don't you? And if you happen to be in a gated community in a big Mexican city, well things are pretty rough out there. However, if you live in a smaller town, under 100 or maybe 50,000, you'll probably be okay because smaller towns are more safe and the locals self-police. And that's because you'll find the local cops sitting on their dead asses. In fact, you'll see most Latin cops sitting on their dead asses. What it boils down to is that it's a government job and that's what government workers do best. That's the case throughout Mexico. In fact it seems like the only times that cops ever show any initiative is when they're angling to make a little dough on the side. And any gringo who's driven his car down through Mexico lately knows exactly what I mean.

[08:35] And by the way, if you do decide to drive down and take that big adventure, make sure you only drive during the day and take the very well-traveled highways. And also remember this, late model, nice looking cars always get stopped a lot more by the cops than if you're driving a 3 or 4 year old nondescript Nissan or a Chevy. The rule of thumb down here is, the nicer, more elegant your car, the more you get stopped. Which makes sense because if you're driving a car like that, you can pay a bigger bribe. And here's a little story that expat Eddie told me. Just recently he drove from Belize, through the Yucatan, up through what they call the Mexican Riviera, which goes through Tulum and Playa del Carmen and eventually Cancun. And believe me, it is a real nice scenic drive. When you drive that route, a lot of times you find yourself driving along on a nice quiet road, just a few blocks from the beach in the Caribbean, where there's some really

[09:24] breathtaking tremendous views. And you know, Eddie made a comment, he said he's been all through Mexico lately and that side of Mexico, the Yucatan side, doesn't have half or even a quarter of the violence or the mayhem that's happening in the rest of Mexico. That is the towns along the US border and Mexico City itself. That's where all the drug related violence and killings are. And that's where Eddie and I have a little difference of opinion. He says he wouldn't mind living on the Yucatan side if he had a business going over there. Of course he said he'd never want to raise kids there because then they'd be targets for kidnapping and extortion. Anyway, what Eddie's trying to say is that that part of Mexico is pretty much immune from the heavier violence that you see throughout the rest of the country. And by the way, when you're talking about kidnapping and extortion, Eddie knows a lot about that kind of stuff.

[10:10] Because when he was in Colombia a few years back, one of his drinking buddies was an ex-US Navy SEAL who worked for an extraction unit in an international security company. And by the way, an extraction unit is a group of specialist guys that locate someone who's been kidnapped and try to go in and get them out. And this guy told Eddie that the professional kidnappers and extortionists, they've got a priority list on who they go after. They scout out their victims, sometimes surveilling them for weeks at a time before they actually make their move. And these kidnappers and extortionists rate who they're going to go after next by the amount of visible valuables you're carrying or you have in your house, how vulnerable your security is, you know, your cameras and your locks on your door and stuff like that. And that includes how lax your employees might be, like your gardener and your cleaning lady.

[10:57] For example, do they leave doors and windows open while they work? Do they readily answer the door when someone knocks, like the mailman for example, or UPS? But most of all, Eddie's Navy SEAL buddy told him that criminals look out especially for kids. They're the number one victims for kidnapping and extortion by far. He said about 90% of the victims that he dealt with in Colombia were kids and the other 10% were wives or sisters or mothers, you know, women. And he said that in his long experience, he was never called in on an adult male kidnapping. And he worked in Colombia in the 90s when kidnappings were rampant. And that was before the internet. Now things have really changed. This guy in fact doesn't work in Colombia anymore because the kidnapping and extortion situation is way, way down in Colombia.

[11:43] He said it's like 10% of what it was in the 90s and not even worth it for some big personal security companies to be there anymore. So where are they all going? Mexico because kidnapping and extortion are big growth industries over there. And now he says all the big transnational companies in Mexico are hiring big security firms like his to not only act as personal guards to some of the company big shots, but to give personal security training to the husbands, wives, kids and household staffs of those companies, managers and executives. So think about that for a minute if you're thinking about going down to Mexico. So anyway, about a month ago, expat Eddie and his girlfriend decided to take a trip up the Yucatan Peninsula by car. And you know, Eddie likes to drive a nice car and he's got the money to do it. So Eddie decides to take his 2011 Toyota 4Runner, which is a pretty luxurious car really.

[12:35] And Eddie, you know, he's got to have the leather and the chrome and the roof racks and all that stuff too. A great car for a trip like that, though not a great car for Latin America. Eddie knows that, but nice cars are one of Eddie's only vices. I should say one of his only expensive vices. You know, he's got cigarettes, booze and a few other things, but down here in Latin America all his other vices come dirt cheaper, even free. But we'll talk about that some other time. Anyway, Eddie took off from Salvador up through Guatemala, on to Belize and up through the Yucatan Peninsula and he didn't get stopped or get pulled over or practically even see a cop his whole way all the way through to Mexico. Oh, he said he saw a few cop cars all right along the side of the road in Guatemalan Belize, but they were just squad cars without policing them.

[13:21] And you know, you see odd things like that down here, empty cop cars on the side of the road. Windows roll down with no one in them. And what that usually means is a cop and his partner are visiting someone, probably a brother or an aunt or a wife or a lover, and they'll just park the car, get out, walk over there, have lunch, spend a few hours shooting the breeze, have a beer or two, and get back in their car before the shift's over. What a life. Then again, what do you expect for 400 bucks a month, right? In fact, expat Eddie told me some years ago when he first came to Salvador and before he made his big money, his landlady, who was about 40 years old, was having an affair with a cop. And every day around 3 o'clock, Eddie said that that cruiser would be parked in front of the house for two or three hours while they were getting it on in the bedroom. Meanwhile, the other cop, his partner, would be in the back seat of that Toyota cruiser.

[14:08] And by the way, it seems like all the police departments down here have Toyota pickups as cruisers with double cabs. Anyway, Eddie said while one cop was in the bedroom with his landlady, the other cop was in the back seat of the cruiser with his girlfriend making out. And this, Eddie said, happened almost every day at about 3 to 5 o'clock in the afternoon. And then usually at 5 o'clock, Eddie's landlady would get in the police car with the cops and the other cop's girlfriend, and they'd take the ladies around town shopping and doing errands. Now, I hope this gives you a good idea of what the cops are like down here in Latin America. And that reminds me of what tough guy Humphrey Bogart once said, I stick my neck out for no one. But remember, these are not Mexican cops, and these are not big city cops. These are small town Mayberry style cops, who probably wouldn't know what to do if

[14:55] they actually saw a crime in progress. And Eddie said he told the landlady one day that he saw her out at the supermarket shopping with her boyfriend, the cop. And Eddie said she sounded embarrassed, but for all the wrong reasons. She admitted to Eddie that her cop boyfriend was such a cheapskate, in Spanish that's tecano. Anyway, she said her boyfriend the cop was so cheap, she has to throw in for gas. And all the while, Eddie's thinking, you know, there's something wrong with this picture. But I digress. Anyway, Eddie's driving up through the Yucatan peninsula, along the beautiful Caribbean coast, and again, he doesn't see too many cops at all. And it's starting to get dark, and Eddie's girlfriend wants to stay at this particular hotel that she read about on the internet, and it's dark, and it's still about 200 kilometers up the road. And Eddie, contrary to good sound judgment, doesn't mind driving at night in Latin America.

[15:45] Though I always advise against it, unless you really know your way around the area you're going to drive through. Not that you're going to get held up by Banditos or anything on the road. That is, unless you're in Mexico. But it's the fact that Latin construction crews are notorious for not marking active construction sites, or landslides, or busted pavement, or road washouts. They just don't mark that stuff down here. And at night, some of these roads are like minefields, especially out in the boonies. In fact, I've blown many tires and ruined many front end suspensions, in those early years when I used to drive a lot at night myself. So anyway, it's getting around 10 o'clock at night, and Eddie notices there's a cop car right behind him, and they were pretty much all to themselves on an open stretch of road, way out in the boonies, where on the left was jungle, and on the right, sand,

[16:34] rock, and cliffs, about five blocks deep all the way to the ocean. Now this cop kept following Eddie, and Eddie of course slowed down to a little under the speed limit, which is like 70 kilometers per hour, which is about 45 miles an hour. And Eddie doesn't like to drive at 45 miles an hour, but this cop was stuck to his tail. Now one thing about cops down here in Latin America, they like to show off. They like to use the cherry on top and the flashing lights, and once in a while hit that siren, just for effect, just to let you know that they're there. In fact, you could be in a horrendous traffic jam in a big city, and a cop car could be right next to you or behind you, and once in a while he'll flash those lights and hit that siren just for a few seconds, as if it's actually going to help the traffic move along. It's a macho thing. And by the way, down here in Latin America, women don't drive cop cars.

[17:22] And though very infrequently you might see one riding in the passenger seat, male cops do the driving because it is a macho society. Now of course there are women cops, but it seems that 95% of them are concentrated in the transito department. You know, traffic cops. And these women traffic cops stand on street corners and direct traffic. You see them in their uniforms out on the streets all the time. And of course you see men doing that job too, but in some Latin countries, the cops that direct the traffic with hand signals and whistles are mostly women. So meanwhile, back in Yucatan, Mexico, Eddie is driving his late model 4 runner with a cop right behind him and Eddie's going 45 miles an hour. It's getting close to about 10.30.11 at night and this cop's been following him for about an hour. Every once in a while letting Eddie know that he's there by flicking on those cherries on

[18:11] the top of his car. And as anyone who ever drove through that part of Mexico knows, there are little towns here and there of 3,000 or 4,000 people, or even less, that should pass right through in a flash every 10 or 15 minutes. And most of them don't even have a stop light or stop sign, only those lousy tumelos, you know those speed bumps, gigantic speed bumps made of concrete or asphalt that'll take the bottom out of a car that's riding fast and low. And that's another thing you have to always watch for at night, because half of them at least aren't painted or marked. And in fact, a lot of them had been painted but no longer have paint on them at all because so many cars have bottomed out that the paint got scraped right down to the concrete. So anyway, now this cop car has been following Eddie for an hour and a half. And Eddie decided at the next one horse little town to pull over at the gas station and fill

[19:01] her up even though he really didn't need gas. He just wanted to get rid of that cop so he could speed up to about 100 km per hour and get to that hotel. So anyway, the cop car went right by and Eddie got some gas, checked his air and his water and all that. And when he took off about 10 minutes later, all of a sudden Eddie realized that cop car was on his tail again and he made sure Eddie knew it because he flashed his cherry lights once more. So now Eddie's girlfriend is looking at their map and they're getting pretty close to that hotel that she wants to go to. And Eddie told me when they looked at that map it was about quarter to midnight. And then about 5 minutes later, about 10 to 12, they're going through another little one horse town with a gas station and a bank and a couple of versions of a Mexican 7-11. And suddenly the cop car hits all his lights and his siren.

[19:47] He pulls alongside Eddie, points to the side of the road, Eddie pulls over and the two cops get out of the car, go over to Eddie's window and ask him for his papers and his license and all that. And after they looked at all of Eddie's papers which were in perfect order because Eddie's lawyer makes sure of all that. Which is a good thing because Eddie comes from a trailer trash background and he's got a filing system like a trailer court manager. So Eddie's papers are all in order. Then the cop says he wants to see the registration of the car, which Eddie of course has and the registration is sealed and signed and stamped and everything by his lawyer and certified. And it's in perfect order too. And the papers say that the car is owned by a corporation, Montañez Comida's S.A.A. Which means in English, mountain foods basically. Then the cop says to Eddie, do you have permission from Montañez Comida's S.A.A. to drive this

[20:37] car? And Eddie says, I am Montañez Comida's S.A.A. That's my company. Now Eddie had this piece of paper called a Patente on him, which is the incorporation papers of his company. And somewhere down at Patente, like on page 5, Eddie's mother's name appeared as one of the principals in that company. And I'm not going to get into it right now why Eddie did that with his mother on the company, but that's what you do down here. That's one way you can make sure that when you start a company, no matter what happens to you, you can still keep it in your family yet remain anonymous yourself. Though all the paperwork back in your lawyer's office says you are the true owner, it's not necessary to file your corporate paperwork with the government, in other words, register your company with your own name on it. But that's a whole other story I'll talk about in another show.

[21:24] Anyway, Eddie showed the cop his license and his mother's name in that they were the same, but the cop didn't buy it. He said, look, you have to have permission from the company to drive this car. And Eddie knew that wasn't true at all because he'd gone through a couple of borders with that car and presented his paperwork and his license with no problem at all as he went through Guatemala, Belize and Mexican Customs and Immigration. And Eddie knew what these guys wanted, they wanted money. But the problem was, Eddie only actually had about 30 bucks in his wallet at the time. That wasn't all he had on him of course. He did what every good expat does and he hid about 500 bucks cash somewhere folded into a hidden space in the trunk of his car and in Spanish the trunk of a car is a baúl. Now I don't mean that there's a hidden secret space in every trunk of a car, but there really

[22:12] is if you look for one. Actually there are multiple spaces you can hide money or important papers or anything that folds flat. Any place upholstery meets a piece of metal in your car in your trunk, you can lift that piece of upholstery up and shove an envelope or a half an envelope in there. There are usually a half a dozen or more little spaces like that, little places you can wedge money and IDs and stuff in any car. So anyway, Eddie's got like 500 bucks stashed in the back of his car and of course he's got another 500 bucks or so stashed in his zipper belt. You know that special belt that I told you all you should get that you can buy for $20 or $30 off the internet or you can come down here and buy one for half of that. Anyway, the last thing Eddie wanted to do was open the trunk of his nice car and dig that money out of its hiding place because that way the cops are going to see exactly

[23:01] what he's got and if he took his belt off and showed him the zipper, well they're going to know that trick too, aren't they? So instead of showing the cops his $500 stashed, and they'd probably want all of it if they saw it, Eddie just played dumb and came up with 30 bucks and his girlfriend came up with another 20, so between them they had 50 bucks which Eddie thought would be enough for a bribe, which the cops called a Malta which means fine, but this is Mexico and the cops said they will take cash for that fine. Haha, welcome to Mexico, especially at midnight on a deserted road. However, when Eddie showed him he'd only had 50 bucks, they weren't too happy with that. And guess what they said next, do you have a credit or a debit card? Because the fine is $400 and when they shined the flashlight on Eddie's wallet, they'd already seen his credit card, so he was stuck and he said okay, yes,

[23:50] I have a credit card, why you take Visa? And the cops said no, but that ATM machine over there does and he pointed across the street to a 24 hour bank teller machine and said let's take a walk. So the cop and Eddie walked over to the ATM machine and Eddie proceeded to pull out 200 bucks, because you see that's the daily limit on an ATM machine, whether it's in pesos or dollars. Then Eddie handed the 200 bucks over to the cop and started walking back towards his car, and the cop said hey, get back here, and Eddie said sorry, I can only get 200 bucks a day. And then the cop smiled, pointed at his watch and said yeah, in a couple of minutes it'll be tomorrow. It was two minutes to midnight and that cop knew that at midnight, all ATM machines switch over and you can get another 200 bucks.

[24:35] And sure enough, at about three minutes after midnight, Eddie took out another 200 bucks and paid the cop. And all the while, Eddie's thinking what a scam, these guys are real pros. They know to pull you over right before midnight, so they can get you two times at the ATM machine. So Eddie got left holding the bag on that one. But on his way back, Eddie played it smart. He had his girlfriend drive the 4Runner. Sure, they got pulled over twice, and of course it was a different set of cops. And they did look at her IDs and papers and all that, but they gave her no hassle at all, even though she didn't have permission from the owner of the company, Eddie, or his mother like it said on the company documents, to drive that car. None of the cops that pulled her over ever mentioned that. And there were no mention of fines or bribes or any of that.

[25:20] So that's another little secret down here in macho Latin America. Cops are a thousand times more helpful and lenient when they pull a woman over, than when they pull over a man. When they pull over a guy, and I'm talking about Mexico now, they're looking for money. When they pull over a woman, they're looking to show off their studly macho selves, and if they really get lucky, to get to first base. But I'll tell you, I'm certain these guys never get lucky, not with women who own cars, that's for sure. Because these guys in general are just low class morons in uniform. And the words to serve and protect are not even in their vocabulary, believe me. Most of them are only looking for women, bribes, and where the next gallon of gasoline is going to come from. Oh and by the way, in Mexico and Venezuela, the cops have plenty of gasoline, because the government owns or has a big stake in the national petroleum company.

[26:06] But in the rest of Latin America, the cops are running on fumes. Oh and by the way, if you need another reason to skip Mexico on your travels, think about this. About a week and a half ago, they found 14 cadavers, in an abandoned vehicle near Nuelaredo, Mexico. And you know, you gotta wonder how you get 14 bodies into a pickup truck. And in general, narcos kill narcos on their own territory. But in Mexico anyway, a lot of people get it in the crossfire. Because when they have a shootout in Mexico, they don't just fire off a few rounds from a Colt 45 like a John Wayne movie. These guys have automatic weapons and they shoot thousands of rounds at one sitting. And that's why a lot of innocent bystanders get nailed too. Because these shootouts aren't restricted to the low class barrios that these guys live in. They have their shootouts in crowded places, even in business districts, in broad daylight.

[26:56] And by the way, can you guess what city is the kidnapping capital of the world? Mexico City. And believe it or not, the city with the second biggest amount of kidnappings per capita in the world is Phoenix, Arizona, which has a huge Mexican population. And guess what? Waspy Americans aren't getting kidnapped. They're kidnapping almost exclusively wealthy Latinos. And this should interest you, according to the latest crime statistics, the murder capital of the world is Juarez, Mexico. And Juarez, Mexico is number three on that kidnapping list too. So all you expat wannabes out there, still want to go to Mexico? You've been listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America.

[27:41] Coming to you each week from somewhere south of the border. And don't forget you can email me on anything at all about Latin America. The Expat Files at gmail.com. Once again, The Expat Files at gmail.com. See you next time.