Episode Summary
In this episode of The Expat Files, Johnny Mueller provides an unfiltered look at life in Latin America, contrasting it with the idealized portrayals found in travel media. He highlights the presence of first-world hotels and convention centers in major Latin American cities, often hosting events like World Bank and IMF seminars attended by corrupt politicians and their staff. He critiques the irony of these seminars being held in expensive hotels with luxury amenities, despite their focus on poverty and development. Johnny expresses frustration with the lack of accountability and the hypocrisy of these events, and he mentions his own experiences of being excluded from certain high-profile gatherings due to his tendency to speak truthfully.
Johnny also critiques the U.S. government's efforts to equip Latin American law enforcement with high-tech equipment and training, arguing that these efforts are futile given the lack of resources and education among Latin American officers. He highlights the irony that the U.S. has lost the war on drugs domestically despite investing heavily in technology and questions the rationale behind transferring such resources to under-resourced third-world agencies. He references a letter signed by notable international figures calling for the legalization of drugs, which he views as a sign of the war on drugs' complete failure.
In another segment, Johnny discusses the lack of international cooperation and the frustration expats feel with the U.S. government's influence. He criticizes the corruption of Latin American politicians, noting that while they are corrupt, the corruption is more visible and less hidden compared to first-world politicians. He highlights the low cost of corruption in Latin America, using examples like the price of buying a judge and the cost of hiring a hitman in Mexico. He concludes by emphasizing that life is cheap in Mexico, especially for common people.
Johnny also discusses the safety and cost of living in Mexico, particularly focusing on the Yucatan Peninsula. He highlights the dangers of drug-related violence in other parts of Mexico, citing a testimony from a man who killed 39 people, including 35 involved in the drug business and four on private contracts. He emphasizes that the Yucatan Peninsula is relatively safe and not on the main drug trafficking routes, making it a better option for expats. However, he also warns about the high cost of living in tourist areas and the importance of security measures for property owners, such as installing internet-connected security cameras.
In another segment, Johnny discusses the effectiveness of security measures for expats living in Latin America, particularly focusing on the use of cameras, signs, and security companies. He notes that while cameras and signs are common, they are often not maintained, making them ineffective. He also highlights the challenges of relying on security companies, as they may not respond quickly and can be disabled during repairs or visits. Johnny shares personal experiences with renting out properties through management companies, which often result in property damage and financial loss. He concludes by suggesting that having a dog is a more effective deterrent for theft, as Latin Americans are generally afraid of dogs. However, he acknowledges the logistical challenge of feeding the dog when the owner is away and proposes a solution involving a doggy door and a secure laundry room setup.
Finally, Johnny discusses practical solutions for expats who need to leave their homes unattended for extended periods. He outlines various methods to ensure their property is secure and their pets are well cared for, including hiring a gardener or maintenance person to stay at the house, using a live-in cleaning lady, or leaving the house with a dog in a secure area. He also mentions the use of a vet for dog boarding and the role of gated communities in providing additional security. Johnny emphasizes the importance of trust and comfort for the caretakers, as well as the need for security measures like locked doors and guarded entrances.
Topics
Expat experiences in Latin America, Corruption in politics and development, Hypocrisy in international development events, Criticism of travel media portrayals, Expat exclusion from high-profile events, U.S. foreign policy, War on drugs, International cooperation, Drug legalization, International cooperation, US government influence, Corruption in Latin America
Chapters
00:00:00 Opening 00:00:24 Exploring the Reality of Life in Latin America 00:00:34 The Presence of First-World Hotels in Latin America 00:01:20 Observations on the Fullness of Convention Centers 00:02:17 Critique of World Bank and IMF Seminars 00:02:42 Johnny's Frustration with Hypocrisy and Corruption 00:03:01 Expat Exclusion from High-Profile Events 00:05:04 Who Was Attending the Seminar? 00:05:28 The Absurdity of the Drug War Efforts 00:10:03 Lack of International Cooperation and Frustration 00:11:00 Expats' Frustration with US Influence 00:12:13 Corruption in Latin America 00:12:41 Crime and Corruption in Mexico 00:14:11 The Cost of Life in Mexico 00:14:14 Come to Mexico and See for Yourself 00:14:16 Testimony from a Mexican Court 00:14:18 A Man Who Killed 39 People 00:14:22 The 35 Drug Business Involvements 00:14:24 The 4 Private Contract Killings 00:14:26 The Stone Cold Killer 00:14:28 The Price of Private Contracts 00:18:09 The Use of Cameras and Signs for Security in Latin America 00:18:26 The Ineffectiveness of Cameras in Latin America 00:19:12 Cost and Limitations of Security Companies 00:20:24 Disappointment with Property Management Companies 00:21:04 Using Dogs as an Effective Deterrent 00:22:19 Basic Security Measures for the Home 00:23:09 Maid's Quarters and Access Control 00:24:05 Trust and Superstitions with Cleaning Ladies 00:25:30 Gated Communities and Visitor Control 00:26:08 Dog Boarding and Home Security 00:26:52 Expats and Home Security Measures 00:27:10 Security in Residential Towers
Transcript
Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.
[00:03] Hi everybody, I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America. The show that tells you what it's really like to live, work, play and or retire in Latin America. I tell it just like it is, not the version they give you in those glossy travel magazines or the picture they paint for you in those international traveler websites where they're only trying to sell you something. What's it really like for expats living in Latin America? Well, if you stick around a while, you'll find out. So let's get started. Now I don't know if you know this or not. But down here in Latin America, off the tourist trail, in the bigger cities, they have a lot of big first world hotels. They have all the three and four star big name ones down here like the Marriott and the Hilton and the Sheraton and the Clarion.
[00:50] In every medium to big size city, they're all kind of congested in a little business district called the Zona Rosa or the Zona Viva. But when I forgot, there's the old standbys like Howard Johnson's and Best Westerns and Sofa Tells and of course the Holiday Inn. And usually three or four of the biggest ones, and they're really big by the way, they have their own big convention centers attached to them too, just like convention centers in the first world. And they have mega convention centers in resort areas like Costa Rica and Cancun too. Now the surprising thing is that these convention centers always seem to be full. Now who in their right mind would hold a convention in a Hilton in Bogota or Cali, Colombia or in Tagusi, Galpao or San Pedro, Sula, Honduras or even Managua, Nicaragua. I mean when you're talking about going to an international convention in a foreign
[01:39] country, you're not thinking of big cities in Colombia or Honduras now, are you? But those convention centers in those big hotels always seem to be filled. But they aren't just any old conventions, I have noticed a pattern. Sometimes I get curious as to who's going to these things. So I'll walk into one of those big hotels and look at the meeting board, you know, in the lobby, the list of who's presenting what convention or meeting in which salon. And just in the last week, here's what I saw posted on a list in three big hotels, the Hotel Intercontinental, the Camino Real and the Princess Hotel in San Salvador. Now you tell me if you don't see a little pattern going down here. First of all, you've got a World Bank and IMF seminar going on, presented of course by the first world people who shovel out the money for infrastructure projects that
[02:26] are supposed to help poor developing countries like Salvador. And who do you think attends these seminars? Corrupt third world politicians and their staffs, of course. You know, the ones that take the money, strings attached, and then skim a huge portion off for themselves and they're cronies. And you know when I see people at conventions like that, I just want to puke, really, because the thing is, everyone knows exactly what's going on beneath the glitz, but no one says or does anything about it. And even though I get invited to a lot of high-end embassy parties and stuff, at least I used to get invited. It's okay to have me at a party for entertainment, but they're never going to invite me to a gig like that where I might tell too many embarrassing truths to the wrong people. You know, Eddie can get away with it because he's a good old boy and they think he's joking, but me, I'm just a little too cynical.
[03:14] Anyway, after I checked out that gig, in another salon in the same hotel, there was a big seminar going on with the words poverty and rural development in the title. And attending that one were people in very expensive three-piece suits and nice SUVs and bodyguards, just like in the previous convention salon. Same bunch of corrupt first and third world jokers, only different names. Half the room looked like your typical parasite politicians. And the other half looking like first world do-gooders. And looking at that crowd, you get the idea that they've never been out in the rural areas, except maybe to get on the golf course. And I'll bet the closest they ever got to actually helping the poverty-stricken rural poor was when they tipped the caddy. And what I don't get is, if it was a poverty seminar, why do these guys need
[04:02] four-star hotels, SUVs and bodyguards? I don't get it. Then in another hotel at another salon, there was a Latin American Central Bank and Finance seminar going on. And the attendees were exactly the same kind of guys, SUVs, three-piece suits and bodyguards. And I'm never going to get invited to that seminar either. And then there was a seminar taking up almost the entire princess hotel. And guess what big seminar was going down over there? Well, I saw a lot of guys with DEA shirts on and husky-looking first-world American police and military types. And it turned out to be a drug and law enforcement seminar put on by, guess who, a joint US Latin American drug task force and the DEA. And guess who was paying for that one?
[04:48] Well, the USA, of course. I'm talking about your tax dollar at work. And half of that crowd looked like crew-cut US military and police that looked like bodybuilders with no necks, along with a big contingent of US embassy-type folks. And who was that seminar for? Who was attending? Corrupt Latin American military and police department heads. And it turns out that whole presentation was all about all the new technological goodies that the US is going to give to Latin American law enforcement, including all the training on those goodies, so that Latin American law enforcement can look and act all first world when they lose the next battle in the drug war that's already been lost. And you know, it always strikes me how funny it is that these guys are actually serious about thinking that they're putting a dent in the drug war.
[05:36] I mean, don't they ever read anything but government propaganda? Or maybe it's just they don't know how to read it all. Because there's actually been zero strides made against the drug war. We all know that. Now, I know it's about keeping the money machine rolling, because from what I hear, it costs about $300 billion a year to continue losing that war on drugs. It's just that I find it so hard to believe that the US government rented an entire whole tell out for four whole days in a foreign country, and they put up about 250 Americans in it and paid all their expenses too. And they paid to put up the Latin contingent and their bodyguards, of course. Then during that seminar, they explained how they donated $15 million worth of high tech equipment and how they're donating about $5 million in training
[06:23] for that equipment, and they're explaining all of this to the heads of Latin American law enforcement agencies whose police officers and military down here have the average of a seventh to eighth grade education. Now, I understand up in the United States to be a police officer in a big city, you have to have a college education, preferably a police science degree. Is there something wrong with this picture? Training a sixth to eighth grade educated force with high tech equipment? And by the way, over 95% of Latin American military and police personnel do not own their own cars, because they just can't afford to. And when they get on the police force and are assigned a police cruiser, or a military guy is in a position to get a government car,
[07:09] they absolutely destroy them. Within six months, practically every new vehicle is a pure piece of junk. And to these guys who don't know their private parts from a dipstick, the US government, that's you, is donating the most high tech equipment that the USDA and FBI uses up in the first world. Great idea, huh? Nice use of resources, I'd say. Now, could it be that I'm missing something? Here you've got the US government with its thoroughly educated police and law enforcement officers, who with all their training in high tech equipment have decisively lost the war on drugs up in the first world, yet they have the balls to come down here to the third world. Or maybe they're just thoroughly deluded, who knows? Anyway, they're coming down here and transferring all that technology
[07:56] to thoroughly inept third world law enforcement agencies. I mean, what kind of brain dead people do we have in our own government who haven't figured out if they can't win this so-called drug war up north with all that technology and equipment, how are they going to get these numbskulls down here to do it? But I guess, again, it's all about that $300 billion a year money machine, because, you know, just recently, they've had in the Times of London and The Guardian full-page ads of just a letter, a letter signed by more than 60 international personalities, including six ex-presidents and 12 Nobel Prize winners, calling for a new urgent international debate focusing on the $2 trillion 40-year-long complete failure of the war on drugs,
[08:43] the letter citing numerous international studies showing the war on drugs has been a complete failure, including one of the most important studies called the Beckley Foundation Study. Now, these notable international figures that signed this letter, they're not asking just for decriminalization, they're asking for nothing less than straight legalization. Now, the thing that always strikes me funny is the hypocrisy of the U.S. government and the company line that comes out of U.S. embassies. Now, the U.S. has about 200 embassies, each, of course, having a big staff and the head man, the ambassador himself. And that guy goes around in the country that he's assigned to and is host to a lot of special parties and events. Now, I've met quite a few of these people myself, and a lot of my friends have. And it seems in every way these guys are pretty intelligent.
[09:31] They don't get elevated to a post like that for nothing. Most of them know three or four languages, and they've got master's degrees and PhDs. Some of them have even written books. So at least in my experience, in every way these people seem to be rational and intelligent, except when you bring up the abject failure of the war on drugs and the U.S. drug policy in general. You bring that subject up, and it's like talking to someone who's got a film over their eyes. They spout the same old crap. It's all about education. We need more money. We're short on personnel. If we just had more international cooperation. And that's when you just feel like punching the guy in the face. You know, like in the movies, when someone's hysterical or unresponsive, sometimes the best thing to do is just slap them in the face really hard.
[10:19] And the thing is, these ambassadors and embassy types don't even give you a nod and a wink. You know, like they really know that it's a big screwed up mess, but they gotta spout the party line because that's their job as the ambassador. To stay calm, present a united front, and rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic. So if intellectuals all over the world, including 12 Nobel Prize winners, are coming out and stating their position in the press in writing, there's certainly hundreds more who feel the same way, who won't go so far as to sign a public document to that effect because it might kill their careers. Anyway, there's something terribly wrong in all this, and it just makes a lot of us expats really sick and very glad that we got out of the US. But the problem is, we can't seem to get out from under the US influence
[11:06] because occasionally you see the heavy hand of the US government when you pick up the newspaper and you see them sponsoring a conference like this. And you know, there's a few hundred people at these conferences at any given time, and you really gotta wonder how many of the people there actually believe the bullshit line that the US has given them, and how many are just there for the handout or the vacation. Well, I would say knowing politicians in general, especially Latin American politicians, I would say 99% are there for the handouts and a piece of Uncle Sam's pie. And if the drug dealers by chance were having their own conference at the Hilton, all the very same politicians would be there with their hands out too. But you know, like expat Eddie says, the politicians down here are awfully corrupt, but the corruption is right in your face.
[11:52] They don't hide it. Not like first world politicians. They're corrupt, but they spend a lot of time acting pompous and denying it. And the other thing about Latin American politicians, sure, they're all corrupt, every single one of them. But governments down here are small and weak, so there's just not that many thieving politicians to make a big difference in the overall scheme of things. You know the old saying, everyone's got their price, right? Well, down here in Latin America, that price is awful low. I mean, for example, if you want to buy a judge up in the first world, according to some mafia guys who are experts on the subject, it could cost you 50 or 100 grand or more. But down here in Latin America, because everything goes so cheap. I've heard of cases where judges have been bought for as little as two or three hundred dollars.
[12:37] Oh, and by the way, when you're thinking of corruption and crime and stuff in the third world, a lot of people think of Mexico. And you know, lately with all those big mass murder cases and beheadings and stuff, they have picked up some people and actually got them into court. And lately, just this week, I found out that in Mexico, if you want to have somebody killed, just a common person, a person that might have ripped you off or someone you just don't like in the neighborhood, not a high profile guy like a doctor or a lawyer or a politician. Anyway, if you want a common guy bumped off, the going rate starts at 75 dollars. You hear me? All you got to do is walk over to the local Tienda in your neighborhood and you're certainly eventually going to spot a guy who walks in with a few unsavory tattoos and a gangster look. Anyway, if you make the proposition in the right way to the guy
[13:24] and you don't make him angry by being abrupt or by bothering him, well, the fact is, almost anyone could contract a hit in his or her own neighborhood. According to some of these guys who were on the witness stand in Mexican court accused of multiple murders and hits themselves, from what they say, sure, 98% of all the murders that are going on in Mexico are drug-on-drug related murders. In no way does that stop a killer or a hitman from doing a little extra business on the side. So if you want an average guy, a nobody bumped off, it's like 75 bucks. If you haggle with him, that's kind of the low ball. But if you want to knock off a bigger target, like a school teacher or a business owner, it could cost up to $500. And more if you're looking to knock off someone who's got bodyguards or a high profile.
[14:11] So bottom line is, if you don't think life is cheap, come on down to Mexico and see for yourself. And by the way, one of the guys that testified in that Mexican court said he'd killed 39 people himself and about 35 of them were other people involved in the drug business. But the other four were on private contract for 75 to 100 bucks apiece. And the guy was really a stone cold killer because he showed no remorse at all. In fact, when they discussed those four people that he killed on outside private contracts, well, he said he felt he was doing the neighborhood a favor because when some regular citizen wanted someone bumped off, he'd always want to know why because he wouldn't just kill a guy for no reason at all. The guy asking the favor, the one paying the 75 bucks, had to have a pretty good reason. For example, a salacious guy putting the moves
[14:58] on someone's wife or daughter, or someone who is a bothersome drunk or a known thief in the area. So anyway, you folks out there who occasionally email me trying to convince me that Mexico just isn't so bad, at least not as bad as what they read up in the first world papers. Well, I'm sorry, but I can't give you good news on that front. But like I said, in a recent past show, you can still move to a relatively safe and very nice section of Mexico called the Yucatan Peninsula. If you look at it on a map, it looks like it's disconnected from Mexico and away. It's far away from the main section, far off to the right on the Caribbean side, the part of Mexico directly north of Belize. And by the way, coincidentally, the part of Mexico that has the best beaches. It's the same coastal area that Tulum,
[15:44] Playa del Carmen, Casa Mel, and Cancun are on. And when you look at a map of Mexico, you can kind of see why everything on the Yucatan Peninsula is kind of off the drug and crime radar. Because if you follow the path where the drugs come through, from Colombia up through Panama, through Costa Rica and Guatemala to Mexico, the Yucatan Peninsula is far away from that and doesn't figure in any of that corridor. So if you're talking about Mexico, the only place I can give a half ass thumbs up to is the Yucatan Peninsula. Now, it's a good sized area about the same size as Ohio or Tennessee. But if you happen to be on the northeast tip of it where the gringo tourist spots are, Casa Mel, Cancun, and Playa del Carmen and Tulum, well, you're gonna pay first world prices, so be ready for that.
[16:30] But as you head down the Caribbean coast down to Belize, and it's very beautiful country and beaches, by the way, well, that strip of territory remains nice and relatively safe and not much populated at all, kind of like Belize. And why not? It's got a border with Belize. But it's not that Latin American jungle, monkeys, and toucan stuff you're used to. For most of the year, it's pretty dry on that side. And though I wouldn't want to live there myself because I prefer the Altiplano regions where you get that eternal spring. Still, that area close to Belize is a great place to have a beach house. And while we're talking about beach houses, I just had a conversation today with someone talking about security when you do have a beach house, or if you have a house anywhere in Latin America, for that matter. Well, I might have said this before in a past show,
[17:16] and if I did, it deserves repeating. Most gringos and expats who come down here to Latin America and have a beach house, that they want to visit only certain times of the year, and it's really not their permanent home. And when they're not there, they end up putting it in a rental pool or just close it up. Well, the fact is, unless you're in a guarded community, a well-guarded community, you can't just leave it for a couple of weeks because it's going to get broken into. Just like if you left your house for a couple of weeks or more in Cleveland or in Denver, it's going to get broken into. No one knows exactly when, but if you leave it long enough, that's going to happen. So how do you prevent that, for example, if you have a house down here in Latin America that you just use once in a while? Well, one thing you can do, and a lot of people I know are starting to do that, is you buy the security camera outfits that hook up to the internet.
[18:04] So you can actually watch what's happening down in Belize in that summer home live anytime you want. And of course, any would-be thieves are going to know you've got cameras because they're obvious, and you're probably going to have a sign or two around your property that say, smile, you're being recorded, you're on camera. Signs like that are pretty popular these days, and I think basically most of it's BS, especially down here in Latin America because people who do have cameras almost never maintain them. So after a while, although you do see cameras there, most of them just aren't working. Though yours probably will because you're a first world gringo and have gringo habits, the locals who have cameras will usually let them go to seed. Which begs the question, if you're up in Cleveland and you do see a robbery taking place at your beach house in Belize, what the hell are you going to do about it?
[18:51] All you can do is watch and cry and hope they don't trash the place too much, really. And you could, like in the States, hire one of those security companies that'll come in and put some motion sensors in your house and most will even drive by a couple times a day to make their presence known. So all the neighbors and stuff know that your house is being watched. And down here in Latin America, a service like that could cost about $20 a month or so. But remember, if there is a break-in at your house, the security company might not get to your house for a half an hour or an hour or so because it depends on where their car is. Anyway, with any security system, your alarms are going to go off and if you have neighbors, they're going to hear it. And the neighborhood's going to know that something's going on. But then again, what good is it if you're in Cleveland and that happens? Let's say you've got a couple of windows broken now.
[19:38] Who's going to fix that? Who's going to secure your house? And after that, if you're still up in Cleveland, your alarm is certainly going to be disabled because if there's repairmen in your house or the cops or your neighbors or the security company, obviously the alarm is going to be disabled. And if it's disabled and you don't come down right away from Cleveland, you just might get robbed again and the alarm won't go off this time because it's most likely been disabled. It sounds like a lot of worry and a lot of stress for people who have a part-time home down here. And it's even worse if you have your house in a rental pool while you're away and you actually have a service that rents it out, promising of course that you'll get some kind of income out of it. That's the point, right? Well, it turns out that everyone I know who's had this kind of arrangement with a property management company, well, in the end, they've had a lot of complaints
[20:24] and have been pretty disappointed, including me. I had an arrangement like that 20 years ago when I had a house in the Caribbean. I'd rent it out when I wasn't there through a management company. And in the end, I didn't make much money at all. But when I did go down to stay there, I noticed a lot of wear and tear. Scuffed walls, scratched doors, furniture damage, broken garbage disposal, clogged and slow-running sinks, you know the drill, people who rent don't take care of things. Hell, when I rent, I don't. So anyway, if you're the particular kind of gringo, it's not a good idea to rent your property out, not a property that you want to stay in yourself once in a while. So the question again is, how do you keep your house safe if you're not there? Well, the best way I've found is to have a dog or two. And though it doesn't matter if it's a big or small dog,
[21:10] a big dog is a lot scarier. And you know what I've found? Latin Americans are just terrified of other people's dogs. Now, I'm not talking about little chihuahuas and schnauzers, that you could drop a kick like a football and send through the goalposts. I'm talking about medium-sized to big dogs. They're deathly afraid of them. In fact, my cleaning lady, who I've had for a couple of years now, she still won't come into the house unless my dog's in his cage. And the dog knows her. And my gardener, when I first hired him, he was afraid to come in the door too. In fact, he'd come to my house the first couple of days he worked here with his pockets full of doggy treats and cookies, just for a bribe. So all right, you have a dog or two, but who feeds them when you're gone? And do you really want to let someone have the keys to your house to go in and feed that dog?
[21:56] Well, there's an easy solution to that too. What a lot of expats do down here is they do have a dog. And they install one of those little doggy doors with the plastic flap that allows the dog to go in and out of the house at will. So what smart people do is this. They install that little door between the outside and the entrance to the laundry room. And in that laundry room is the dog's food bowl and water and his cage, and a good supply of food, of course. And that laundry room's not open to the rest of the house. It's got a steel door or a very secure door between it and the rest of the house. And when you go away, that's the door you lock. Now, your gardener who might be coming in once or twice a week, you pay him to come every day just to feed your dogs and, of course, to check on things. And he'll know your dog and he'll be friendly with him
[22:42] because he's around there all the time as the gardener. And he'll have access to that laundry room, and that's all. He won't be able to get in your house because the rest of it's been locked. Now, you can either pay that guy maybe $5 a day to do that for you, or you can make a deal with him to come in and sleep at your place every night. Not in the main house, of course, because that's locked off. But in the maid's quarters, if you don't have a live-in maid. And if you remember what I said, almost every house down here that's got over 800 square feet has a maid's quarters with an outside entrance. And the maid's room often has an entrance into the house, but you can lock that door, too. So your gardener or maintenance man doesn't have access to the rest of your house either. Now, normally, you can pay your gardener or maintenance man between $5 and $10 a day
[23:27] to actually sleep at your house every night while you're gone. Like I said, either in the maid's quarters or in the laundry room where the dog has his cage. And all you really have to have for him is one of those little army cots that you buy at Walmart for like $25. And of course, he needs a flashlight and a radio just to keep him occupied. And that's what a lot of expat gringos do when they leave their houses for a period of time. Now, the situation is a little different if you do have a live-in cleaning lady because when you're gone, she can still live there and clean your house and take care of your dog and everything. However, a lot of gringos feel funny about that, leaving the cleaning lady there for weeks, even months at a time. And it all depends on how much confidence you have in her and how ballsy she is, too. Because some cleaning ladies, when you tell them you're going away for a month or even two,
[24:14] well, they're kind of afraid to be left alone in a house like that, especially some big old cavernous first world style gringo house. A kind of house that, if it was in her neighborhood, would probably have 25 people living in it. So your cleaning lady might be very hesitant to do that. Not because they're afraid of burglars or robbers or thieves or anything, but it's because they're superstitious and used to having a lot of people around them. The fact is, most cleaning ladies, being that they're from the Campo or the Boonies, well, they're pretty unsophisticated and very superstitious. And though most of them will gladly watch your house for a week or two, if it drags on too long, I've heard of cases, in fact, this happened to expat Eddie, when he came back from a two month trip, there were three other people living at his house. Now, they didn't trash the house or anything or abuse it,
[25:00] but they were the cleaning lady's brother and sister who came to stay with her and keep her company because after a couple of weeks, she was too nervous and afraid to stay there alone. Now, personally, I don't like that idea at all, leaving a cleaning lady alone in your house because, well, what's she going to do if someone does knock on the door and says, hey, I got a package, special delivery for Johnny Mueller. I mean, what's a 75 pound little cleaning lady going to do if it's a scam? But the saving grace is she's got a dog or two there, right? And they nearly always bark when someone comes to the door. And by the way, most gringo expats live in guarded, gated communities. So you won't get unsolicited people coming to your door because to get through the guarded entrance, you have to give the guard your license and then he gives you a pass. And when he leaves, he hands the pass in and gets his license back.
[25:47] And in most gated communities, the guard will phone you up before he lets someone through the gate to your house, which is an added security measure. So generally, if you live in a gated community, you won't have security problems at all. But you still have that problem of your dogs and the cleaning lady and who feeds them and all that. Here's another alternative. Every Latin American city, small, medium or large, have vets that accept dogs for room and board when you go on vacation. And that could cost you $5 a day or so. But then what about your house? Your dogs are gone. So who's minding the store? Well, here's what Expat Eddie's been doing these days. And it works extremely well, I think he has a living cleaning lady, but he doesn't like to leave her there for weeks at a time. And she doesn't like it either. So what he does, if let's say he's going to be gone for two weeks,
[26:32] he gives the guard in the guard shack in the entrance to his subdivision, $50, let's say to cover the two weeks that he's gone and gives the guard instructions that when they switch shifts, that every eight hours, three times a day, the guard coming on shift will take a walk over to his house, knock on the doors, check in the windows and stuff and say hi to the cleaning lady. So he's got a guard checking on his house three times a day, plus the live in cleaning lady who he pays, by the way, $150 a month because she gets room and board too. Anyway, those are just some of the ways that people have their houses looked after when they know they're going to be gone for quite a few weeks or even months at a time. Now, if you live in a residential tower, you don't have to worry about any of that. You generally have to go through two sets of guards to get to your building,
[27:18] one in the parking lot and one once you go through the front door. So you almost never hear of a break-in in one of those towers. In fact, you could lock up a place like that for months at a time and not worry a bit. I lived in residential towers and did just that and had no problems at all. You've been listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America, coming to you each week from somewhere south of the border. And don't forget you can email me on anything at all about Latin America, The Expat Files at gmail.com. Once again, The Expat Files at gmail.com. See you next time.