#178 – The Expat Files: Real Stories, Real Challenges in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:03] Hi everybody, I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America. The show that tells you what it's really like to live, work, play and or retire in Latin America. I tell it just like it is, not the version they give you in those glossy travel magazines or the picture they paint for you in those international traveler websites where they're only trying to sell you something. What's it really like for expats living in Latin America? Well, if you stick around a while, you'll find out. So let's get started. You know, I can't tell you how many emails I get from people saying, what am I going to do once I get down to Latin America? I need a job. I have to make some money. I don't have enough money to last forever. And from what Johnny says, sure, I can get an English teaching job, but that's only going

[00:50] to pay two or three hundred bucks a month. Four hundred tops. And, you know, if I run out of my own personal reserves and I have to live on four hundred a month, I don't know, I'd be living like a friggin backpacker. And of course, there's nothing wrong with that if you do it for a month, maybe. But hell, I'm 50 years old and backpacking is a young man's game. I'm looking forward to my golden years where I don't have to share a sink and a toilet with 17 other people. If you know what I mean. The bottom line is this. A lot of people aren't natural entrepreneurs. The vast majority of people in the US never ran a business before at all. Most of them had some kind of college career or worked for the man. And believe me, it's a little bit scary if you've never had a business before in your life and you come down here and you're 40 or 50 years old, let's say, and you realize,

[01:36] like I've been saying all along, that one of the only ways to make first world style money is to start your own business. But what about Latin American expats success stories coming from people who didn't start their own business and ended up working for the man? And I'm not talking about people who worked for a company in the first world and got transferred down here. Obviously, they'll be making first world money and more. And I'm also not talking about career people who got their job by looking in the ads and the newspapers up in the first world or in the backs of magazines like Forbes and Business Week. Those media outlets always run ads for corporate career jobs in Latin America and other third world countries. Jobs like that offer first world money opportunities too. But those kind of opportunities for the expat are far and few in between.

[02:22] And that's why, right now, I'd like to read an email to you from a first world guy who came down and absolutely needed to get a job to survive. He realized his expat dream the hard way, coming down to Latin America with even less than expat Eddie had. So let me read this to you. It says, I ended up spinning promotional signs on the side of the road in Austin.

[03:14] Finally, I ended up getting locked out of my apartment for non-payment of rent and with $65 and a small backpack, I headed south to try to rebuild. I didn't even have a passport because I couldn't afford one. But as I did not plan to return, it didn't seem relevant. That was three and a half years ago. I moved to the Mexican city of Veracruz and it took me just 17 days to find a job in construction. And I didn't speak a single word of Spanish. But I went to an internet cafe, of which there are hundreds, typed out all my qualifications, used an online translator and printed out some copies. Then I went door to door every day, all day, until I found a spot.

[04:01] The foreman let me sleep in the basement of the condos we were building and hired me as a master electrician and gave me a budget to hire two chalans, those are helpers. The building I was working on had no wiring at all, so it was my job to plan it, pull the wire and go live. The job took about three months and paid me about $175 a week. I saved my money, got a nice furnished room in a better part of town, bought a PC and went to work online, getting paid in dollars as a professional content writer and marketing consultant. Since that time, I have saved up nearly $25,000. I've had laser surgery on my eyes down here and I'm in the process of buying a live on

[04:48] board sailboat for me and my partner to do some long range cruising. It was hard for me to believe how helpful everyone has been in this country. I feel so much safer walking in the streets here than in the US. I love the economy and have many friends that always seem to be there when I need them. The problems in the US are so serious now that I honestly see no way to resolve them. I really feel fortunate to have made the decision to come down here. We will soon be moving to the Dominican Republic. My partner is from there and we're looking forward to a bright successful future. Thanks for letting me share my story with everyone. Signed Carlo. Some of you might be thinking this guy really has some balls. Coming down with $65, a backpack and no passport.

[05:37] But just look how it turned out. From what he says, it's the best thing that ever happened to him. And it sounds like he's the happiest he's ever been too. Now I want to point out that this is not an unusual case at all. I get emails like this all the time and normally people are just telling me these stories and they really don't want me to talk about it on the air. But can't you see right off the bat what happened to Carlos? He had that gringo advantage going for him right off the bat. He had that built in first world drive and persistence that took him that extra mile. That along with a few other first world gringo qualities of course. Now realistically a scenario like that could never happen in the first world. Imagine trying to get hired for a big construction job in the states as a master, electrician, plumber or carpenter or whatever.

[06:23] And remember, we're not talking about a grunt worker who's hauling cement or digging holes either. In the first world, who'd ever hire a guy like that who doesn't even have an address or a place to sleep. And the topper is, he doesn't speak the language at all. Impossible. Things like that could only happen to gringos in the third world, never vice versa. Now admittedly he was only getting paid 175 bucks a week, but still that's about double the average salary down here. And like he said, even on that he was able to save money, buy a PC, go online and look for more work. Which is also 100% part of the gringo advantage. I'm talking about simply the fact that we have organizational skills. Because we're from the first world and we've been exposed to them over and over.

[07:11] The fact is, organizational skills are lacking in the entire spectrum of Latin society. Everything seems to be hit and miss with them. Unless absolutely forced to do it at gunpoint, the vast majority of Latins don't write things down. They don't carry a pad or a pencil, they just don't think that way. They're not very curious or creative in general. And when we gringos come up with an obvious game plan, if plan A doesn't work we've always got plan B or even C. Well most Latins don't even have a plan B. Forget about plan C. Sometimes they don't even have plan A. Which is fortunate for us and unfortunate for them, but that's just the way it goes. Again that's part of our gringo advantage.

[07:57] Now in Carlos' email he mentioned he did all of this, without knowing a bit of Spanish now, in Veracruz Mexico. And that he felt very safe there. And that of course is very contrary to what we see in the news and the media these days. That crime and violence in Mexico is out of control. Well actually there is an easy way to reconcile that. You see in all the big cities in Latin America, North America and South, the crime statistics seem awful high. But the fact is nearly all those statistics are related to organized crime and the drug trade. And the innocent bystanders that are affected by the crime are the ones that live in those high crime areas. Areas that expats don't live in and don't want to live in. The thing is, once you visit an area or a district for a certain amount of time, it

[08:43] doesn't take long to figure out the good, the bad and the ugly. So after a month or two you know exactly which places to avoid and which areas would be nice places to live, shop and hang out in. For example, when I'm in the city of El Salvador visiting Eddie, and by the way that's a pretty big town of about a million people, anyway like all big cities everywhere there are parts of town that are safe day and night. And other quite bad parts of town that you have to go through on occasion just to get to one district or neighborhood from another, whether you like it or not. And even then you're completely safe when driving through those areas during the daytime anyway as long as you have your windows rolled up in your car. And here's a good tip, don't talk on a smartphone when driving through those iffy areas.

[09:29] It's actually a pretty dumb move to be talking on a smartphone, so don't forget it. Anyway, back to crime in Veracruz, yes it's considered a very dangerous area, but that's only for someone who doesn't know his way around. Like for example a naive tourist who's never been down there before, looking to hang on the beach and make friends. That's another dumb gringo move and not recommended. Now I can prove that Veracruz is not near as bad as the statistics make it out to be. For example in the last 3 months of 2011 there were 445 murders in the state of Veracruz. Now Veracruz city is the capital of that state, but we're talking about the state now. Anyway, there were 445 murders in those 3 months in that state, 396 of them were officially

[10:20] linked to organized crime. That means 90% of all the murders during that period were linked to organized crime, mostly gang on gang violence. And more than half of the other 10% of the remaining murders occurred in the seedy dangerous areas of town, places that expats like us would never think to hang out, much less live in. But like some of my expat friends in Mexico always tell me, the lower your profile the less likely you are to be targeted for any kind of crime in Mexico, or for that matter anywhere in Latin America. And though I personally would never recommend living in Mexico, except maybe in the Yucatan Peninsula area which I mentioned before on one of my reports, the problem is, no matter

[11:05] what lip service they give it in the media, crime is only going to get worse in Mexico, since Mexico's economy, both the illegal and legal parts, are inextricably tied to the fortunes of the US, by far their number one trading partner. So when the US hits the wall and crashes and burns in the next year or two, it's going to pull the Mexican economy right down the crapper with it. And remember this, it's well known that when humans get depressed, they turn to alcohol and drugs. And I can think of 300 million or so people up north, who if they're not clinically depressed right now, will certainly jump on that train. And when that happens, there'll only be a few growth industries left in the US, namely drugs, alcohol, psychiatry, and government.

[11:52] So who's going to supply that ever growing demand for drugs? Take a guess. And by the way, just to give you an idea of the cost of living in Veracruz right now, it's been pretty much unaffected by tourism and the gringo dollar. So it really is very cheap to live there, about a third to a quarter of what it takes to live like a first-worlder in the States. For example, dinner for one at an inexpensive restaurant will cost maybe $5, and dinner for two at a higher-end restaurant will run maybe $20. And internet at 10 MB per second with unlimited data transfer will cost you about $15 a month. And if you want to rent a one-bedroom place with a kitchen and a living room, it'll probably cost you about $250 a month. A three-bedroom place could run about $500.

[12:40] To buy an apartment, you're looking at about $40 to $50 a square foot. And the average salary in Veracruz? $300 to $400 a month. Now that's a place you can live just like a first-world person on a social security check. But even so, I can think of a lot safer and more comfortable places to live in Latin America than Veracruz. And you expats and expat wannabes out there have to be thinking about what it's going to be like when the next big financial crisis hits. And it will. Personally, I'd like to be a lot farther south of the US than Mexico. Now here's an email from Robert and he's asking Johnny, how easy or realistic is it to go biking through Latin America? That is, on a regular bike. Not a motorcycle, but a bike.

[13:27] Well first of all Robert, I'd say you never want to bike through Latin America alone. You always want to bike with more than one person. In case you get in trouble, in case you get a flat, anything can happen, you know? But I can tell you this. The main problem with biking in Latin America is that the car and truck drivers are absolutely without pity. And you see cyclists all the time being popped off the side of the road, either from being forced off the road by a vehicle or hitting a pothole or a bad stretch. This I see all the time. Suddenly there will be a big hole or a washed out piece of road right in front of you and naturally you'll make a quick move to avoid tearing up your car's front end. You go along in a straight line for a while, then you hit a bad patch of road and you're swerving all over the place, on purpose. No one cares about the bikes, it's your own car you're worried about.

[14:15] The attitude is, if a bike gets in the way, it's his tough luck. In fact, just yesterday, I saw a car right in front of me drive a bicyclist into a cement ditch about 4 feet deep, and I'm sure the guy broke a bone or two. And of course, the car just kept on going. I don't even think he realized he forced the cyclist off the road. I'll tell you what, if I was riding a bike, I'd have all the headgear and protection available to modern man. So just no one thing. Down here in Latin America, in the minds of the people, the cars always have the right away. It's not the pedestrian, the bicyclists, or even the school buses. Basically, they have no rights. And you can see that for yourself any day of the week, as school buses stop, put on their red flashing lights, and cars continue to whip right past them.

[15:04] Including the cops. Now, there's an instant couple hundred dollar fine if you did that in the States. And another thing, down here, because people make so little, a few hundred bucks a month, for the average guy, a bicycle is a huge investment. And even the cheapest imported Chinese bikes, and locally made cheap bikes, are surely going to cost more than a hundred bucks, which is a couple of weeks salary for the average guy down here. Now, comparatively, if the average first world guy makes, let's say, five hundred dollars a week, and he'd have to pay two weeks or more salary for his bike, that would be over a thousand dollars. Quite a huge investment for the average guy, wouldn't you think? That's why in the average Latin mind, bicycles are as good as gold. So naturally, there's a huge market in stolen bicycles. And the only way to really protect a bike down here, is to park it inside of a building

[15:53] every place you go. That's why as you drive through the big cities in Latin America, you'll see bike riders, but you won't see bikes parked outside. That's because even if they're secured with chains and locks, they're going to go missing. Now on one of my shows a long long time ago, I told the story of how my own gardener stole my bicycle. And actually I should have known better, he was kind of a shifty guy from the start. This guy was unusual. After the work day was done, he would slick his hair back, douse himself in cologne, put on his disco clothes and go wherever you go dressed like that. Now I should have known that was a bad sign. But that was a long time ago, before I knew any better and before I knew any Spanish. But in retrospect, I realized that I was probably just tempting the guy way too much.

[16:40] Because you see, my bike was a first world expensive bike. Plus it was light as a feather, graphite frame and all that. And this guy, when he cleaned out my garage, often moved it around, and of course I'm sure he soon realized it wasn't a 100 or 150 dollar bike made in China. But a bike worth 5 or 10 times as much. And you know the feel of the brakes and gears on an expensive bike, like the difference between graphite or titanium golf clubs and the ones you get from the Sears catalog. So anyway, the guy was working for me for a few months, and one day my bike and he were gone. And I actually did get the bike back about a month later, when I saw him driving down the road. But I told that story in a previous show. The point is, bikes are a very valuable commodity down here, simply because they cost so much

[17:30] compared to the average guy's salary. And it doesn't really matter how dangerous the roads are and how dangerous the cars and the drivers are. The fact is, if you have a bike, you don't have to ride the chicken bus. And for anyone down here, that's a big step up in life. Plus you saved the 25 cent bus fare. Oh and by the way, did I tell you, it's 25 cents to ride the bus all throughout Latin America? And even in some of the largest cities with millions of people, even if you have to go a long long way to get to your destination, you'll almost never have to make more than three transfers, for a grand total of 75 cents. And if you're wondering how these bus companies can make money at 25 cents ahead, well you only have to look at the condition of the buses and see that there's no such thing

[18:16] as maintenance, so there's a huge cost savings there. And secondly, they pack them in so they're not only hanging out the windows, they're often outside on the running boards and even on top of the bus too. And finally, all the bus lines are owned by politically connected people. That means the owners are senators and congressmen and mayors and governors and presidents etc. Or the owners are friends and family of said corrupt politicians. And the fact is, you and I or no one else would ever be able to get the permit to run a bus line, because you see those permits are virtual gold mines, because the government subsidizes these bus lines to the tune of tens of millions of dollars. You see, transportation subsidies are tradition down here ever since bus lines were even instituted.

[19:04] Politicians figured out a long time ago, keeping the bus fares way down keeps the population docile, because they'd certainly have huge riots even revolution on their hands if bus fares were ever pegged at the market rate. At three bucks, which is about the market rate, to go to and from work would be six bucks right? Well since the minimum wage for a factory worker down here in Latin America is about twelve bucks a day, that would mean most workers in the country would be paying half of their salary just to get to and from work. And if that happened, there'd be riots. So politicians give huge subsidies to the people that own the bus lines. Who are the ones that have the bus line contracts? The politicians, their friends and their relatives. And that's how things work down here. Now another thing about riding a bicycle.

[19:51] Don't forget that Latin America has one of the most mountainous terrains in the world. Now if you just plan on riding your bike in the city, it's probably not that bad. You're not going to have too much fluctuation and altitude. But if you plan on doing long distance bike trips, remember, you have those cities that are at sea level, and you have cities that are in the altiplano. So when you're going from city to city, you're going to be at near zero elevation a lot of the times, and when you get to the next city, it could very well be in the altiplano. Which means it could be from 5 to 7 to even 10,000 feet in elevation, sometimes more. If you're a person who's not used to those elevations in the first place, just walking around up there at 5, 7, 10,000 feet could make you winded after a few blocks. Anyway, most first world people are pretty out of shape.

[20:39] The majority could never run even for a few blocks at those elevations, much less try to walk fast or jog. So the advice here is, if you're not in very good shape, forget about biking through Latin America. And even if you are quite fit and you're a bicycle enthusiast, you're going to have some very, very tough days. But on those days, when you're up in the altiplano and you're going to go downhill to the coast, for the next few hours you're going to feel just like you're in heaven. And finally, remember, if you're into cross country biking in Latin America, most of the time, you will be pedaling at or near sea level. Now I want you to imagine the hottest and most miserable bike trip you had up in the States. Are you picturing that? Okay. Now take that experience and multiply it by two.

[21:26] Because you have to factor in the sun's rays, which are nearly perpendicular at all times down here. And remember, you're going to have to cover up and apply heavy sunblock. Or in an hour or two, you're going to be absolutely fried. So that's what it's like for first worlders to ride bikes down here. Now you probably gathered it's not my cup of tea. Call me a wuss, call me a wimp. But when I'm in traffic down here, I prefer to be in a nice metal air conditioned box with four wheels and an iPod connection. And I don't care if your titanium graphite bike weighs 2 ounces and costs 10 grand. And it doesn't matter how green you think you are by pedaling. I guarantee you, if you make a habit of it, there's some out of control chicken bus out there with your name on it. So what about driving a motorcycle down here?

[22:14] Well basically there's two kind of motorcycle drivers. The vast majority, about 99% driving used beat up old rice burners that would never pass inspection in the States. Now it's this ragtag motorcycle crowd that sends so many of us expat drivers into road rage mode. These are the guys with the whiny engines that blow smoke in your face as they weave through traffic. Talk about diminished personal space. These guys have complete disregard for your car's paint job. In fact, just last week for about the 20th time, one of these guys side swept my car and practically took off my mirror. And that happened while I was stopped at a red light. I stopped like a good citizen and he just breezed right on through it.

[22:59] That's why if you're just a little bit first world anal about your car's appearance, I advise you not to carry a weapon. And about driving a new car down here. Chances are, unless you keep it in the garage all the time, it's only going to look brand new for about 3 weeks. The fact is, your paint job is going to get scratched by one of these guys. And soon enough you'll collect your share of parking lot door dings too. So if 99% of Latin motorcycle riders are classless dirtbags like that, what about the other 1%? Well, actually it's less than 1%, but these guys own really class motorcycles like Ducati's and Harley's and BMW's. All of course rich man's toys. And they only get out of the garage and onto the road once in a blue moon.

[23:46] And they're always in pristine condition when you see them because it's part of the gardener or bodyguard or maintenance man's job to keep the boss' toys spit shined and polished at all times. Now like I said in a past show, they have Harley Davidson and BMW bike dealerships down here. And they all have their little rich man boy cliques. And they have their road rallies and weekend trips and groups where they hit restaurants and nice hotels and stuff. But down here in Latin America, there really are no Harley owner mechanic types like there are in the first world, you know, guys buying old Harley's and fixing them up as kind of a hobby. Down here the second hand Harley market practically doesn't exist. But these guys do take long road trips all throughout Central and South America in groups

[24:33] of 10, 20, even more. They go on these well planned rallies from country to country, sponsored by dealerships and favorite restaurants and bars like Hooters. They'll ride from one Hooters in one city to a TGIF in another, then back to another Hooters. And yes, it's a funny thing down here, but it seems Hooters and Harley have put together a kind of a partnership where they do these Harley runs and Hooters events simultaneously. Hooters down here are basically for wealthy Latins. Way too pricey for the common Latin guy. Well obviously, guys who can afford to buy Harley Davidsons and BMWs can definitely afford to go to Hooters. And you know, to us first world people, when we think of Hooters, we think of waitresses with specific attributes. But we also know that the food is typical greaseball Americana and absolutely sucks.

[25:22] Most first world people think of a Hooters as a kind of an upscale white trash hangout. But like I said, this is Latin America where all things first world are cool and eminently desirable. So the fact is, Hooters is popular down here in Latin America for the same reason that IHOP is so popular down here. Because the locals simply don't know any better. Upper middle class and wealthy Latins, the ones that frequent these places often with their bodyguards out in the parking lot, make for an awful funny sight to us expats. Imagine seeing a spectacle like that in a Hooters or an IHOP parking lot up in Cleveland. If that isn't the gringo advantage on steroids, I don't know what is. Now I'd like to tell you another true story, this time without a happy ending. Now for the longest time when I was doing radio down here in Latin America, Harley Davidsons

[26:11] was one of my sponsors. So I got to go to Harley Davidsons events, and a lot of times I was the emcee, when they had beach parties, barbecues and music festivals. Anyway, one of these rich Latin weekend Harley Davidsons riders was a friend of mine. I'd see him at every Harley event, decked out in all those expensive Harley accessories. A real easy rider wannabe. Then suddenly he wasn't showing up for events. So I knew something was up because he attended anything that had to do with Harley. Later I found out, a few weeks earlier, he was driving his Harley and was sideswiped by a chicken bus. Don't laugh, it took his leg off. And this guy, only 45 years old, a guy with all the money in the world, nearly paid the ultimate price for trying to be first world cool.

[26:59] And you know, expat Eddie's a joker, and when he visited the guy in the hospital, the first thing he said was, listen Chepe, I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. You can still dance better than Johnny. And that made him laugh, which is a good thing. And by the way, even though these latin Harley drivers rarely take their bikes out, they still regularly crack up. And if it isn't the chicken buses and the wild ass drivers, it's the washed out roads, the potholes, and the loose gravel that gets them. So bottom line, whether you have a bicycle or a motorcycle, you throw the dice and you take your chances. You've been listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America, coming to you each week from somewhere south of the border.

[27:45] And don't forget, you can email me on anything at all about Latin America, The Expat Files at gmail.com. Once again, The Expat Files at gmail.com. See you next time, nos vemos.