Episode Summary
In this episode of The Expat Files, Johnny Mueller explores the intricacies of life for expats in Latin America, covering a range of topics from the tax system to legal strategies and cultural norms. He begins by discussing the use of numbered receipts called facturas in Latin America, explaining how they were introduced to combat widespread tax evasion and fraud. He highlights the historical context of the region's underdeveloped infrastructure, including limited communication capabilities and lack of resources for tax enforcement, which allowed for rampant tax evasion. Johnny also notes that while the introduction of facturas has improved tax collection, Latin American countries still collect significantly less tax compared to the first world, and there remains a cultural attitude of distrust toward governments, despite the common desire for government jobs due to higher pay.
Next, Johnny delves into the cultural and systemic differences in how Latin Americans and first-worlders view corruption and government. He argues that Latin Americans are not hypocrites but are simply pragmatic and understand that corruption is a part of their reality. He compares this to the ancient philosopher Diogenes, who also struggled to find honest people. Johnny explains that in Latin America, it is practical to scam the tax man due to the high cost of living and the inefficiency of the government. He shares a personal anecdote about a friend who attempted to win a government contract in Brazil, only to be confronted with the expectation of a kickback. Johnny advises expats to be prepared for such realities and to rely on legal counsel to navigate these challenges.
The episode continues with Johnny discussing the importance of establishing a long-term relationship with a lawyer for expats living in Latin America. He contrasts this with the typical experience of middle-class Americans in the first world, who rarely have a consistent relationship with a lawyer. Johnny highlights that in Latin America, lawyers are more affordable and are often involved in various aspects of an expat's life, such as property purchases, business setup, residency applications, and more. He also mentions the added benefits of using a lawyer's office as a workspace, mailing address, and for meetings with other professionals.
Johnny then shifts to discussing the financial and social dynamics of legal services in Latin America, contrasting them with the United States. He highlights how lawyers in the U.S. typically bill in 10-minute segments and charge for phone time, including paralegal and secretary calls. In contrast, he notes that in Latin America, lawyers generally do not bill for phone time, except in high-volume tourist areas where first-world style English-speaking lawyers operate, which he advises expats to avoid. He also touches on the social dynamics of being a 'gringo' (foreigner) in Latin America, where expats may be welcomed into social circles, but this is more common in areas off the tourist trail.
The episode then moves on to discuss currency controls in Latin American countries, warning against investing in countries with such controls, as they can lead to financial instability and black markets for foreign currency. Johnny lists Venezuela, Cuba, Argentina, and Bolivia as countries with currency controls, with Bolivia recently implementing a 0.7% tax on dollar transactions.
Finally, Johnny discusses Bolivia's new 0.7% US dollar transaction tax, framing it as a government strategy to collect more revenue rather than a genuine effort to reduce reliance on the dollar. He draws parallels to historical tax practices, such as the 1913 US income tax, which was initially intended to be temporary but eventually became a permanent fixture. Johnny highlights how taxes tend to increase over time and warns that Bolivia's tax is likely to rise as well. He also provides practical advice for expats, suggesting keeping assets in other Latin or Caribbean countries to avoid the tax and using dollars for purchases to sidestep the levy. He notes that while some businesses may accept dollars, car dealerships often impose the tax as a negotiation tactic.
The segment concludes with Johnny discussing the car sales process in a country where dealers prefer dollars over local currency, highlighting the financial dynamics of car sales. He then shifts to a lighter, humorous topic about expat Eddie, a character known for his no-nonsense attitude and love for partying. Eddie's past with dentists and his humorous response to a question about cocaine use is recounted, showcasing his witty and laid-back personality. The segment continues with Eddie's dislike for surveillance and politicians with police escorts, leading to a humorous anecdote about his method of protest involving eggs and police cars. The episode ends with a reminder about the podcast's email address and a sign-off.
Topics
Tax system in Latin America, History of tax evasion, Infrastructure limitations, Cultural attitudes toward government, Cultural differences in corruption, Pragmatism in Latin American society, Government inefficiency and its impact on daily life, Expatriate experiences in Latin America, Legal and ethical challenges in business, Relationship with a lawyer, Cost of legal services, Role of lawyers in expat life
Chapters
00:00:00 Opening 00:00:36 The Complexity of the Tax System in Latin America 00:01:19 Why Latin America Has a Complicated Tax System 00:01:57 The Infrastructure Challenges of Tax Enforcement 00:05:19 Why Latin Americans Are Seen as Corrupt 00:05:54 Practicality and Survival in Latin America 00:09:28 The Kickback Expectation in Government Contracts 00:10:24 Importance of a Long-Term Legal Relationship for Expats 00:12:06 Lawyers in Latin America: Affordable and Involved 00:12:57 Lawyers as a One-Stop Shop for Expats 00:14:45 Legal Billing Practices in the U.S. vs. Latin America 00:15:03 Social Dynamics for Expats in Latin America 00:19:11 Currency Controls and Financial Instability in Latin America 00:19:31 Introduction to Bolivia's US Dollar Tax and Government Revenue Strategy 00:19:37 Government Revenue Strategy and Tax Increase Trends 00:19:42 Tax Increase Trends and the 1913 US Income Tax Example 00:19:48 Historical Tax Trends and the 1913 US Income Tax 00:19:51 Historical Tax Trends and the 1913 US Income Tax 00:19:57 Historical Tax Trends and the 1913 US Income Tax 00:20:01 Historical Tax Trends and the 1913 US Income Tax 00:20:07 Historical Tax Trends and the 1913 US Income Tax 00:24:36 Car Sales Dynamics in a Dollar-Preferred Economy 00:24:53 Eddie's No-Nonsense and Party-Loving Personality 00:26:18 Eddie's Dislike for Surveillance and Politicians
Transcript
Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.
[00:03] Hi everybody, I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America. The show that tells you what it's really like to live, work, play and or retire in Latin America. I tell it just like it is, not the version they give you in those glossy travel magazines or the picture they paint for you in those international traveler websites where they're only trying to sell you something. What's it really like for expats living in Latin America? Well if you stick around a while you'll find out. So, let's get started. Now in the last show I was talking about taxes, receipts and those special numbered receipts called facturas. And after that show I got some emails from people saying, why would Latin Americans have such a complicated system with those numbered facturas and everything?
[00:50] Why would they complicate things like that when their tax code itself is so tiny and a hundred times simpler than the US model? It seems like ridiculous overkill since in the first world you just bring your receipts to your accountant or H&R block and they handle doing the deductions and the write offs based on those. Well, that's a very good question. Why doesn't Latin America do exactly the same? You know, collect simple receipts and use them as write offs. Like we do in the states. Well guess what? Down here they used to do it that way. In every country except Cuba of course. And everyone cheated. They cheated their asses off. Well that's because like I said before, tax evasion and tax cheating are national sports down here. In fact, before Latin American countries instituted that numbered factura business, there were
[01:38] so many stationery and print shops printing out reams and reams of blank receipts of all different styles, shapes and colors that every individual in business had more deductions than he could possibly use. And since local tax collectors had no boots on the ground and no manpower to check up on those things, everyone simply got away with it. They basically had no money, no manpower, no initiative and no computers. Therefore no cross checking. So if you brought in a receipt, they had to accept it. The fact is, back then, a decade or more ago, before those numbered facturas, the tax agents couldn't even dependably use the phone to make a call to a business to see if a factura was legally issued. Because, before international first world phone companies came down here and partnered
[02:24] up with the government to make a first world infrastructure for communications, before that, making a simple phone call was a pretty tedious process. When governments owned the phone companies, sometimes it took 3, 4, even 5 tries to get a local call through. Forget about international calls, they were almost impossible, yet they still charged you a couple of bucks a minute and they charged a long distance fee even if it didn't connect. In fact, when I first got down here, that's exactly what would happen. You were lucky to get a local phone call to connect on a 3rd or 4th try. And you know, back then when there were no cell phones, some government offices had no working phones at all. Sure, they had phones on desks here and there, but most of them were disconnected or didn't work. So basically, before 10 years ago or so, there was no easy way to check the legitimacy of
[03:13] deductible receipts that you gave the tax man. So the tax office would accept basically any old receipts that you'd give them. Thus, tax collections were pitiful. So back then, there were truckloads of fake receipts going around. And you'd just fill them out yourself for whatever amount you needed to wipe your tax bill out. It was a great system for the average taxpayer. Before those numbered facturists were instituted, and before that VAT tax came about, practically no individuals or small businesses paid income or corporate taxes at all. And the only corporations that did pay taxes were those big international businesses like Siemens and Volkswagen and Bayer. All those big transnationals that came down here and ran things on a first world basis with first world bookkeeping and accounting practices.
[04:01] But at the same time, individuals and small businesses spent a great deal of time trying to evade the tax man. And they were very successful at it for many years. Everybody had their own truckload of fake receipts. But as we know from living up in the States, governments are insatiably greedy. And they'll try anyway they can to milk their citizens like cows until they can't give anymore. So the Latin government's answer to that was to institute those factura numbered receipts. In that way, they're able to make Latin businesses accountable for every single factura issued. Bottom line, Latin governments collect a lot more personal and corporate income tax these days, that's for sure. But they still collect very small amounts and very small percentages compared to the
[04:47] first world. And it's also a tradition that Latin societies hate their governments and they hate their politicians too. But the irony is the common man loves to vote and they'd love to get a government job themselves because they pay twice or more what the going rate in the private sector is. And it's not that the Latins are hypocrites, it's just that they're not stupid. And another thing, they don't look at government like a necessary evil, they look at it like you look at a common thief. The average Latin logic is, stealing from a thief is not a crime. Which is one of the reasons why us first worlders always say that Latin Americans are corrupt at every level of their society. So what else is new? And remember, that's what Diogenes the philosopher said a few thousand years ago in ancient
[05:33] Greece. Find me an honest man, he said. And he said that out of frustration because he didn't think he could find an honest man in all of Greece. And I say you won't find a completely honest man anywhere in Latin America. And I know that sounds awful pessimistic. When you get down here, you'll find out soon enough. But down here, there's no shortage of common sense or practicality. That's what it takes to survive, and these people are survivors. And in Latin America, it's eminently practical to scam the tax man any possible way you can. Because if you're only making a few hundred bucks a month, paying that 10 or 15% VAT tax on everything you buy could make the difference between giving your kid a glass of milk in
[06:18] the morning versus giving him a glass of contaminated tap water. Latins know their contaminated tap water comes courtesy of their corrupt government. So why not stiff the tax man? And I always advise expats not to get too discouraged when they see corruption and dishonesty down here in Latin America. My point is, down here, at least it's in your face and you can deal with it instantly. Whereas in the States, it's there alright, but the government propaganda machine that you're funding, of course, is rolling full speed ahead, trying to tell you that black is white and white is black. Which brings us back to being an expat businessman in Latin America. What do you do when you're confronted with such corruption in your face? What are you supposed to do about it? Culturally, a lot of us first-worlders and expats just aren't prepared for that kind
[07:07] of thing. I mean, giving a $20 bribe to a traffic cop is one thing, but what about bribes and kickbacks you might come up against if you're involved in a government contract or a big construction job, let's say? For example, a friend of mine is an importer of German box-making machines. They're machines that are computer-controlled, that take a raw piece of flat cardboard or a kind of white poster board, make all the cuts and bends and turn them into a box and do all the intricate printing and embossing on them, too. Like a box, for example, of medicine that holds, let's say, 200 blister packs. Those are the kind of boxes these German machines make from scratch. Well, my friend heard of a contract that was coming up for box-making machines like his, so he went down to Brasilia, the capital of Brazil.
[07:54] He made his bid to the government for a few machines, and the deal was worth over a million bucks, if he got the contract. He was bidding against a handful of other guys, and it was supposed to be sealed bids. But by hook and crook, government agents handling the bidding process and the contract leaked out the numbers on the initial bids, which would be totally unacceptable if this was a first world bidding project. And now that they all knew the low bid, specifically the lowest bid, they were asked to resubmit bids in a second round. He said the whole thing was completely out of the ordinary. Totally unacceptable, but he'd flown down there from Panama and spent a thousand bucks on airfare, so he played the game out. So what was really going on there? Well the bidders all knew that it was the government trying to beat their price down
[08:41] even lower. They knew they'd have to go lower than the leaked minimum bid on the first round. But by then, some of the first world bidders gave up and went home. They just couldn't lower their prices anymore and make the deal work, obviously because they had first world overhead. But since my buddy had his machines in Panama, and had third worlders working for him, he had a really big advantage in the bidding process. And in fact, he was the guy that put in the low bid. In fact, if the Brazilian government was playing by the rules, he would have got the bid. And my friend who was also a dealer and used and reconditioned machinery like that, again, he put in the low bid. This time with used machinery, and he got it. But a day or two later, at a kind of a celebration luncheon, he was advised right out in the open with a lot of other government guys present, that he was going to have to kickback 20%
[09:28] of the full contract price to a certain Caribbean offshore bank account. In a certain company's name. Well my advice is it's best you don't deal with that stuff at all. You let your lawyer handle the in the face corruption and things that don't smell right. That's what he's for, and it's one thing he's very good at, and you're not. Because you see, things like that can be a bit of a shock at first to you. Especially if you come from a standard middle class first world waspy kind of background. I can see how a green expat from Minneapolis or Boise, Idaho just might be aghast if something like that went down for him. And if you're one of those guys who's always played it really on the straight and narrow, when you come down here hoping to start a business, you're going to be in for a shock. Though if you're an expat from Vegas or Brooklyn or LA, Chicago or New Jersey, when you meet
[10:18] guys who pull stuff like that, it might be like old home week for you. You never know. But anyway, there's another great reason that you should start a good long term relationship with a lawyer right away. You'll definitely need one for a lot of things, especially if you run into some double dealing government feces bags like my buddy did in Brazil. You won't want to handle it yourself. Let your Latin lawyer do it. That's what he's there for. Now I know in the first world, a long term relationship with a lawyer doesn't happen too often with middle class Americans. Unless there's a shyster in your family that you run into at holiday parties and stuff. Then you'll probably be able to get free advice any time you want. But that's not often the case. Generally up in the first world, middle class Americans don't have a good tight relationship
[11:05] with a lawyer. They only need one ever so infrequently. To draw up a will or a trust or a contract or something. In fact, up in the states, unless you get sued for something or another, or you're suing somebody yourself, you might use a lawyer only a half a dozen times in your whole life. And that doesn't make for a very good long term solid relationship with a particular lawyer. Generally, your average middle class American guy is small potatoes and no real revenue stream for your average lawyer. And chances are you and your lawyer are not going to be in the same social class. You're not going to be golfing or drinking buddies. Unless you're a doctor or a lawyer or an executive type yourself. Not to mention a lot of times up in the first world, people price shop and change lawyers all the time. They might use one cut rate lawyer for a will because he offers a low low price.
[11:53] And they might use one scumbag ambulance chaser if they want to sue Walmart for slipping in the parking lot. Up north, the common man doesn't have too much of an allegiance to a particular lawyer. Whereas down here in Latin America, it's quite a different story. You'll be using your lawyer for a lot of things. Lucky for you and me, they're very cheap, like a quarter to a fifth of the price that they charge in the states. In fact, all the professionals down here, doctors, lawyers, engineers, architects, they're all at about a quarter to a fifth of US prices. So if you're going to buy or start a business, buy property or invest, you're going to need a lawyer for a lot of things. Not to mention the fact that you'll use his accountant too and he'll probably have one right on staff. And if your Spanish really sucks, you'll use his office all the time for translations.
[12:39] And he'll be the one you're dealing with when you apply for your residency, your driver's license. He'll hold your hand at the bank when you get a bank account. He'll set up your anonymous corporation. He'll introduce you to other professionals and give you advice about doctors and hospitals and neighborhoods, real estate, schools, you name it. He'll be at your beck and call and he won't mind it either. The fact is, you might spend a lot of time camping out in his office using his computer and his staff to help you with a variety of things. And remember, a lot of expats use their lawyer's office as a permanent mailing address. So every so often you'll be checking in to get your mail there too. And by the way, a lot of expats I know who first come down use their lawyer's office as a temporary office themselves. Most lawyers have an extra room or a conference room and they're glad to offer that to you
[13:27] anytime you need it, no strings attached, as a new gringo client. And as you might imagine, it's good PR and marketing for them too. Having real live gringos hanging out in their office once in a while. That's good for business. Yes sir, the gringo advantage rides again. So once you find a lawyer you like and you're compatible with, you're not going to want to be switching around and using this lawyer for one thing and that lawyer for another. Same thing if you find a good physician or a dentist. You want a one stop shop, a place you can feel comfortable about dropping in to shoot the breeze with your lawyer, your accountant, and his secretaries and paralegals. Oh, and about that free unlimited use of your lawyer's conference room. Now personally, I've found that to come in very handy myself.
[14:13] And the fact is, if you're starting a business or building a house or doing any kind of project, sometimes you'll have to have meetings with builders and contractors and other professionals. And your lawyer's office is a perfect place to have those. And because you're a good client and are becoming a friend of his, he'll gladly sit in on those meetings and even translate, and of course give you counsel and guidance. And get this, you'll probably never get billed for that kind of stuff either. He's glad to do it. Just try that with a lawyer up in the first world. Try stopping at a Cleveland lawyer's office and stealing 15 minutes or a half hour of his time. 10 to 1, you'll get a nice fat bill at the end of the month. Because as you probably know already, those guys bill in 10 minute segments and they charge for phone time too. And that includes paralegal and secretary phone time.
[14:58] But surprise, surprise, down here in Latin America, no lawyer I've ever known bills for phone time. Except again in those high volume tourist areas, where you'll see ads in the yellow pages and on the internet for first world style English speaking lawyers. Exactly the kind of attorneys you want to stay away from. Oh, and when I mentioned before, if up in the states you were a middle class kind of guy and that you probably weren't in your lawyer's social bracket, well that's completely different down here. In fact, you're instantly or soon enough an honorary member of your lawyer's good old boys club, if you want to be. In fact, the more time you spend at your lawyer's office, the more invites to parties and social gatherings you're going to get. The more he'll want his professional buddies and family members to meet you. It's that gringo advantage thing again.
[15:45] But remember, we're talking about off the tourist trail here, where gringos like you and me are pretty much a rare item yet. Think of a Londoner who stumbles into a Cleveland neighborhood bar. By the end of the night, everyone in the place has bought him a drink and invited him for Sunday dinner. Even if he's a cockney midget cab driver, he's got that Hugh Grant thing going for him. Oh, and by the way, I do get the occasional email asking me why I pick on Cleveland all the time. Well, I've been there a couple of times to the Cleveland Clinic, which is international famous. My friend was an intern there. But as for the rest of Cleveland, it's about as interesting as watching flies land on a colostomy bag. But it does have one really cool thing going for it, and that's the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. And that's about the only thing it's got going for it.
[16:30] It's one of those tarnished former industrial towns that's on the edge of the whirlpool going right down the toilet drain, led by Detroit and Pittsburgh and Chicago and Philadelphia and Newark and East Orange and Trenton and on and on. But unless you guys feel otherwise and send me a bunch of emails complaining, I'll just keep picking on Cleveland, okay? Now, to change gears a bit, I've often said one of the cardinal rules for picking a Latin American country to live, play, retire, or move your assets to, is to be sure to a selected country that doesn't have currency controls. Because let's face it, you don't want to keep your nest egg in there funny money. Not that the US dollar is any better, but the US dollar is the world's reserve currency at this time. And the fact is, smart, non-mainstream economists are saying that when Europe crumbles and it
[17:19] certainly will very soon, there's going to be a big rush out of the euro into the dollar. Which should keep the dollar artificially stabilized for a little while anyway. Maybe a year at the outside too. But after that, fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a hell of a ride. But in the meantime, Europeans are going to get rid of their euros and shift them into dollar denominated instruments. And actually it's happening like that already in Greece and Spain. Capital flight is beginning in a big way and it's going into the dollar. Then of course, after the EU crumbles, the euro fails and the dust settles, the light of day will again focus back on where it belongs, the United States, and it's completely unbacked unsound dollar. And then there's this 17 trillion dollar national debt. The trillions of dollars in unfunded social programs and social security.
[18:06] The 50 trillion in derivatives, etc. etc. And I don't even want to think about what's going to happen when that unravels. But I do want to be in Latin America when it does. Anyway, you do want to be in Latin America, only you don't want to be in a Latin country that's got currency controls. One that limits how many dollars or euros you can move in and out of your bank accounts or in and out of the country, or one that limits the amount of dollars you can hold on a bank account, or a country that puts surcharges on dollar transactions, or a country that arbitrarily fixes its currency to the dollar at a rate that's different than the market rate outside of that country, pegging their currency higher or lower than international currency markets do. That only creates an illegal market on the street where you can change dollars for the local currency at a better rate in a park or a back alley than you can get at a government
[18:55] sanctioned bank. Like what's happened in Venezuela, there you can get a third more bolivars for your dollar from a money changer on the street than you can from walking over to a bank. So anyway, on our list of Latin countries that we don't recommend, because they do have currency controls, those countries are Venezuela, Cuba, Argentina, and now, just this week, Bolivia. They just passed a law that created a 0.7% tax on any transaction that involves the buying and selling of dollars. Now the Bolivian Minister of Economy says they're doing that because they want people to use more of the national currency for transactions and not the dollar. But obviously it's not that at all, it's all about the government collecting another tax.
[19:42] And though a 0.7% tax might not seem like a lot, since when do taxes ever go down? They never do, they always creep up. Besides Proposition 13 in California, which was the oddball case, did you ever hear of a tax that got smaller or actually went away? For example, I bet you didn't know that in 1913, the first US personal income tax was implemented. And the reason Congress got it passed at all was because it was a temporary tax, a tax to pay for World War I, which was supposed to be rescinded when that war was over. But it never was. What? Even back then a hundred years ago in 1913, an outright government lie? Big surprise, huh?
[20:28] And by the way, that first federal income tax of 1913 exempted half of the US working population, people making $3,000 a year or under. And $3,000 a year back then was about the average wage. Now back then, people making $3,000 to $20,000 had to pay the amazing federal income tax rate of, guess what, 1%. And that 1% gradually inched its way up to 6%, the top level, when you made a half a million bucks a year. But since back in 1913, a nickel back then was worth what our dollar is today. That's how much our currency has eroded under the Federal Reserve System. Our currency today is worth 5% of what it was in 1913. Anyway, what that means is that 1% income tax back then didn't kick in until you made
[21:18] about $60,000 in today's equivalent money. And like I said, that was a temporary tax. Yeah, right. So how does all this relate to Bolivia's US dollar transaction tax? Well, though 0.7% doesn't sound like much. Neither did that 1% income tax sound like much back in 1913. Isn't it funny how that temporary 1% income tax turned into a permanent 29% tax rate today? Let's see now. That's only a mere 2,900% increase in that tax since 1913. Temporary tax? If that's what the US government calls temporary, then George Clooney's a Republican and Hugh
[22:04] Anyway, as far as that Bolivian US dollar tax, you can expect year over year for that number to creep up too. After all, governments are insatiable, aren't they? And just think about this for a second. A tax every time there's a dollar transaction? You imagine what that's going to do to importers and exporters who use dollars all the time? For one thing, it's going to be a paperwork nightmare. And already the Bolivian government is creating a whole new tax division to take care of that stuff. Man, doesn't that sound familiar? But you know, even though Bolivia's got that tax now, I do recommend Bolivia as a nice spot for expats. And there is an easy way around dealing with that dollar tax. Just have your nest egg, your main bank account and assets, in a bank in another Latin or Caribbean country. One of course that has internet banking so you can do all your banking online.
[22:52] So when you do need dollars, you just transfer them to your Bolivian bank account as needed. And if you leave them as dollars in your Bolivian bank account, you won't have to pay that tax. Not until you switch them over to Bolivianos, which they call Bobs by the way. And here's another thing. If you buy something like a piece of land or a house or a business, many times you can buy it directly in dollars. And there's always some stores, especially in high-end shopping malls, that price things in dollars and bobs. So if you buy products in dollars, you won't be paying that tax. And believe me, most good businessmen will accept dollars and bobs. At least traditionally they have. But let me warn you, if you buy a car in Bolivia, whether from a private party or from a dealer, they probably will accept dollars, but you'll probably have to pay that 0.7% tax, simply
[23:38] because the private seller's not going to take that 0.7% hit himself. At least that's the story he's probably going to tell you. He's going to make you pay for it, because the vast majority of individuals and small businessmen do not have dollar accounts. Actually, I don't get that, because multi-currency accounts are readily available and there's no additional charge. Go figure. But car dealerships will pull a fast one on you. They'll make you pay that 0.7%, even if they have a dollar bank account, and they all do, believe me. But they won't tell you that. They'll just point to the law that says you have to pay the tax. And like one of my expat friends in Bolivia told me, that'll be a selling point for car dealerships. If there's a stalemate during a negotiation and you're not committed yet, they'll throw that in as a deal clincher. The salesman will say, okay, I'll tell you what.
[24:26] I'll go talk to my boss and see if I can do something for you. Then he'll come back and say, you're a lucky guy, he's in a really good mood. I'll cover that 0.7%, let's make the deal. You know, the usual car salesman drill. But don't believe he's taking any kind of a loss, because they have a dollar bank account. And the thing is, dealers prefer dollars, because when they import cars, they pay in dollars, not Bolivianos. So actually, you're doing them a favor by paying that way. But they'll never tell you that. Now I want to talk about something a little bit lighter and definitely funnier. Now as you all might have figured out already, expat Eddie's a no-nonsense kind of guy. Sure, he likes to party as well as the next guy. In fact, when he was much younger, back in the US, he told me his dentist once said to him, Eddie, you know there are only a few people in my whole dental practice, I can't
[25:12] get completely numb for a treatment. And you're one of them, so I have to ask you, do you take cocaine by any chance? Because you know, cocaine was the first anesthetic that dentists use. And it's the synthetic base ingredient in the injections that we give you to get your numb. I mean, look at the words, Novocaine, Lidocaine, Cocaine, the cane part, the base of cocaine is what we still use. People who do cocaine build up a resistance to Novocaine. And here's Eddie's classic answer. He said, do I do cocaine? Well, no more than the next guy. Which means, of course, it's open to wide interpretation now, isn't it? Well anyway, that was years ago back in the States, and Eddie's been down here now ten years or so, so he's straightened up a lot. But one thing Eddie has always hated is big brother and people keeping tabs on him.
[25:58] And that's why, like me, he hates those social websites like Facebook. And he hates being photographed and filmed by surveillance cameras, which are everywhere these days. And that's why he carries a roll of those happy face stickers around with him, that he sticks over the lens of any surveillance cameras he can reach, including elevators and parking lots and stuff. But there's another thing that really pisses Eddie off, and that's those pretentious politicians who get police escorts to lunch or breakfast or dinner or work or to the airport or anywhere they're going. Now a lot of you people up in the first world, you'll never see that. You really have to live in a city full of politicians like DC or a capital city. And if you do, you'll know that certain times of day, especially during rush hour, you'll hear those police escorts coming, sometimes with motorcycles, sometimes with police cruisers,
[26:47] but always followed by a couple of black SUVs with tinted windows, carrying any number of pretentious political jerks gouging on the public trough, who obviously think their lives are much more important than yours. Well, Eddie's found a way to fight back, and I love it. He keeps a carton of eggs in the backseat of his car on the floor, and when he hears or sees a police escort coming, if it's coming in the opposite direction of the way he's going, he swings into action. He rolls his window down and gently tosses an egg at the windshield of the lead car. By then, Eddie's long gone, he's going the opposite direction. Now raw eggs and windshield wipers don't mix. And the stink? In the heat of the tropical sun? You guys who live in DC, take note.
[27:38] You've been listening to The Exped Files, living in Latin America, coming to you each week from somewhere south of the border. And don't forget you can email me on anything at all about Latin America, The Exped Files at gmail.com. Once again, The Exped Files at gmail.com. See you next time. Nos vemos!