#211 – The Expat Files: Migration, Domestic Abuse, and Cultural Insights from Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder My thoughts ever straight Hi everybody I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files Living in Latin America the show that tells you what it's really like to live work play and or retire in Latin America I tell it just like it is so let's get started Here's a little news for you talk about population explosions There's one going on right now down here in Latin America Which has a lot to do with why there are so many poor illegal immigrants still pouring into the states

[00:46] They're called mojos down here and wet backs up north and by the way down here The word wet back or mojado is not a derogatory term at all though in the states It's pretty much like calling a person an ignorant American job stealing illegal But down here the word mojado which actually means wet or moist in Spanish doesn't carry any negative connotations whatsoever since all but the rich two or three percent of Latin's have a friend or a relative who is one anyway Talking about that baby boom population explosion down here Did you know that one out of ten women between the ages 15 and 19? That's ten percent of all the Latin ladies in that age group one out of ten of these ladies have given birth to a baby Within the last year think of it like this that would be like saying that one out of every ten high school girls up in

[01:36] The states were pregnant at any given time bottom line down here They've got a lot of little girls with big bellies walking around and ninety percent of those women are the under educated Indigenous women almost none of which have parents with enough money to allow them to attend private school So the education that they get is strictly third-rate or worse public school education in schools As I've mentioned before with broken windows plumbing and lights and never enough real store-made desks to go around So just like in the first world It's the poor and the lower classes that are having all the babies just thought I'd lay that on you if you're wondering why there's so Many poor uneducated wet backs willing to take those risks to get to the United States down here There's practically zero career

[02:21] Opportunity for young people who go to public schools most of the kids just show up because they get a free lunch Sometimes and if they do graduate from high school, they're lucky if they know how to read or write at a fourth grade level Wait a minute. That sounds just like the Chicago public school system. Hmm Anyway, it's been estimated that in some big cities up in the states 50% of the maids Gardeners drywallers pests exterminators bodywork and rotorooter guys are illegal aliens And I'm not talking about the kind that comes down in spaceships either and believe it or not That's what those folks call the sueño amaricano the American dream Doing the dirty grunt work jobs that Americans just don't want to do And that steady flow of illegals up to the states has a lot to do with the Latin American low-income

[03:11] Babyboom and that flow of illegals is gonna continue unabated as long as in their minds They still think there's an American dream and over the years. I've spoken to many poor Latinos and indigenous folks to them Do you know what the American dream is? It's not the dream as you might think of them becoming middle-class first-world style nope, they don't set the bar that high it's simply this a Minimum wage job in the US seven bucks an hour to them is as expat Eddie might say the tits of the Ritz Since the average minimum wage down here in Latin America is around a buck an hour So think of it immediately if one of these poor Latin folks hoofs it to the states and does get a minimum wage job It's like he's won the lottery because he's making

[03:59] 700% more than he made back down in Salvador or Peru or wherever now imagine if you were the working poor in the states making 20,000 bucks a year with a family of four and there was a rumor going around that you could escape to another country somewhere Crossing the border illegally, of course and make a hundred and forty thousand bucks a year, which is 700% more than you're making now. You could almost say it's a no-brainer Especially when you know if you get caught up there the authorities just stick you on a plane or a bus and send you back No big loss for you and you can make your plans to sneak back in another day And since I brought up the subject of women and pregnancy and poor Latin stuck in grinding poverty now Let's talk for a change about wealthy even rich Latin women

[04:46] Just what is life like for that wealthy two or three percent of Latin women whose husbands make a ton of money So they don't have to work Well, they dress nice have nice cars jet-set around and have great jewelry But I don't have very good news to report of what life is really like for them in reality They're like a bird trapped in a gilded cage In fact, there are many articles like the one I'm gonna refer to now that have been appearing in all the big Latin papers in The past months talking about an epidemic of violence against women in the wealthy segments of society up until about a year or so Ago no one but no one was talking about this phenomena I've been a regular reader of the big Latin newspapers for maybe 20 years now and never saw it talked about in the open

[05:32] Like it is now. It's part of that lag time thing We always talk about but now that some international agencies have been popping up to help women who are victims of violence Along with some help from well-known first-world women's groups little by little high-level Society women are coming out of the closet and telling their stories of physical and mental abuse and because there's money involved And it's such a macho society. It's much more complicated for them to come out in the open about it Now here's an article from the Sunday edition of the biggest Managua Nicaragua newspaper and it says violence against women in the home Affects approximately one out of five women in the higher classes and it says these women are regular victims of lesions and bruises an emergency room physicians at private hospitals

[06:22] report that they show up regularly sometimes even on a daily basis and Surprisingly enough about half the time they actually show up at the hospital emergency room or a private clinic Driven there by their own husband who was the aggressor and of course the woman the victim bites her tongue and never says a thing And since in Latin America, there are no laws that state that a doctor has to report spousal or even child abuse victims Unlike up in the states where we've had a law like that for a long time and it's pretty well enforced once again It's that lag time phenomena, you know Anyway, because there is no law and the husband's paying the bills doctors just never report even the most obvious abuse cases

[07:08] Now as one emergency room doctor reports in this article He says half of the abused women appear with their husband the aggressor and neither of them say a thing about it Though she looks terrified the whole time While he stands there giving her a look that seems to say you just better shut up if you know What's good for you or you'll get more of the same and the doctor in this article says the other half of the time Wealthier women are actually driven to the emergency room by bodyguards or other security hired by the husband Of course, but in reality the doctor says those bodyguards are just there to control the woman So she doesn't file an official complaint Now one woman who owns a high-end beauty parlor in Managua Nicaragua one that has a very high percentage of wealthy

[07:54] Latina clients because of her job. She has regular contact with physically abused upper-class women herself the woman owner says in this interview that every few days one of her wealthier clients comes in with an Obvious bruise on her neck or face that could not have been caused by anything but a physical blow that's why she says that for these ladies extra makeup is fundamental to hide the bruises and It's never really discussed because it's such a personal thing though When such a lady leaves the salon after her appointment all of the staff give each other a certain look Then the emergency room doctor chimes in he says it's not important to the husband that the wives suffer Fractures or concussions or other types of physical damage in that case they or their bodyguards just take her to a private clinic

[08:43] And that's the end of it as far as the aggressor husband is concerned and the woman that's head of the public ministry In Managua Nicaragua in the division that handles human rights cases and physical assaults against women by the way That's a governmental division. That's only recently come into existence and still has a very small staff and almost no enforcement powers Anyway, she says these days as never before she's seeing more and more complaints filed by higher-class women Mostly extreme cases from women who fear for their lives They're the ones who've had concussions and fractures Like she said it takes an awful lot for one of these women to come forward and she said that nearly always the altercation Start when a wife discovers her husband is philandering and she calls him out on it

[09:29] But what you have to remember she says is that these women are used to a certain high social position That's why so many of these upper-class ladies take the abuse for so long Like the woman director of the public ministry says most of these women have never worked in their lives They've become very emotionally and economically Dependent on their situation and the ones that do break away from this Dependency if they do get around to filing for divorce They inevitably hire a lawyer and ask for very high cash settlements up front because statistics show that down here It's easy to wiggle out of a long-term divorce settlement Simply by showing the court a steady loss in income and decline in asset values over the long-term settlement period

[10:15] These wealthy Latin ladies who live in a gilded cage are Unsophisticated about that stuff, but their businessman husbands their pros had it We expats know how they do that They just move everything little by little into a society that an animal corporation and either hold their assets there in the country Or move them offshore. That's why so many upper-class abused women end up accepting their husbands girlfriends and affairs They never get a divorce and just end up living separate lives in the same household and believe me any day of the week you could go to gold's gym or Scandinavian gym or any of the high-end shopping malls and see these ladies put on a happy face Of course, they're not all physically abused. In fact, the article says only one in five about 20% of them are but one thing

[11:02] You will notice at the high-end beauty parlors the spas the health clubs and the expensive restaurants if you pay attention You'll notice there's one thing missing the husband You always see wealthy women Coffee clutching with other wealthy women with bodyguards and security lined up in the parking lot or not so far away So folks this is just another case of lag time Because it seems like just now finally stories like this are showing up in the mainstream press With doctors and other professionals actually talking about it They're not actually turning aggressors in yet, but they're talking about it, you know, and that's a start So I'd say in this case It's about at the level of the United States back in the 1950s and 1960s back Then if a woman was abused by her husband She didn't have too much recourse either except to pack her bags and babies and go back to mother's house

[11:52] but the difference is wealthy women up north even back then could get a divorce and have the means to hire a lawyer to Get a good settlement and community property laws would back them up on that Whereas average middle-class women in that position Didn't have such good luck with the legal system back then and that's basically the reason today why wealthy Latin women even the physically and mentally Abused ones almost never get a divorce because unless her parents were rich in the first place She comes out of it with a guaranteed reduction in her lifestyle So bottom line you lady expat wannabes up in the first world If you've been listening to my shows for any length of time You'll know Latin men of all stripes colors and social levels Even the very rich ones are extremely attracted to gringas like you and if you come down here looking for a rich Latin husband

[12:42] It won't take a miracle a fine one I guarantee you that all you have to do is show up at some of the parties You're eventually gonna be invited to and especially if you're off the tourist track You'll be the star of the party Even if back home you were just a girl next door and always unlucky in love Just take my word for it down here. You are a star. It's all about that female version of the gringo advantage Anyway, it's a subject that mean a lot of expats have spent a good deal of time talking about Specifically what happens to gringa expats when they marry these handsome Latin lovers, especially the high roller Latin guys Well, I can tell you this a lot of expat friends of mine as well as me know many cases of gringa expat Latino love matches that did end up in marriage

[13:27] And after a few years none of them have seemed to have worked out all that well and ladies It's not so easy to pack your bags and go home to mommy when she's 3,000 miles away And of course as you might imagine Latin guys with money can play that philandering game better than any middle-class or poor Latin Could ever do because remember Latin guys with money especially ones with old money are born with a sense of entitlement and Social superiority and they grew up watching their own mothers suffer silently while their fathers had their own affairs And don't think for a minute that the sons and daughters of these rich latins don't know what's going on with daddy In fact as I might have mentioned before some years back I played in a blues and rock band with a mixed bunch of very wealthy

[14:14] 20-something Latin guys all very nice guys But quite entitled and living their lives in the stratosphere if you know what I mean Some of whom were so very rich that their daddy's provided them with personal bodyguards and drivers 24-7 which by the way came in very convenient when we had to haul our equipment around bodyguards do make good roadies They never complain and they always look pressed Anyway, the drummer in the band whose father owned a beer company one day He showed up at band practice his bodyguard at the wheel of course and when the bodyguard pulled his drums out of the back of His brand new black Tacoma a beautiful young sexy lady in her early 20s Got out of the backseat and handed my friend the drummer his symbol case and a few minutes later when we moved into the house

[15:00] Of the guitar player who was holding the band practice I asked my friend the drummer what turned out to be a stupid question Is that your fiance because I knew he was engaged to some beautiful girl? I never met so I assumed you know and he just winked at me and said in a whisper No, she's my dad's and knowing him I could tell he was proud that his dad was doing so well with the ladies which sounds kind of strange now But at the time well I didn't think much about it But I did know at the last band practice which was held at his house a bonafide mansion by the way Where at the ripe old age of 26 he was still living with his parents anyway I met his mother who for all intents and purposes at the time seemed happily married to his father And the question is does she know about the girlfriend well the bodyguards and the kids do

[15:47] My friend the drummer and his two sisters know for sure and you know here's the thing when it comes to wealthy young guys Like my buddy. They don't seem a bit upset that their dad is cheating on mom in fact my guitar player once told me Confidentially that he himself had his first extra marital affair Just two weeks after he'd gotten married and when I acted surprised about it because I had just been at his wedding and knew his wife This is what he said. I can't help it. I got my dad's genes He said my father was a mujer Diego, too What can I do and there's a word all you expat wannabe should learn before you come down here Muheriego now the first part of that word mujer means woman and the second part Diego Means extra or big in short it means womanizer, so remember that word mujer Diego

[16:36] Now you should know that there is no counterpart for that word when a woman is the one who is playing around there is however a very common word for a woman who flirts with men or tries to get their attention and it doesn't mean she's playing around on her husband Or boyfriend just means she's flirting and that word is coquetta with a C Which is a direct derivative of the word coquette in English or French? Which means exactly the same thing a woman who flirts and though it's in the English dictionary almost no one ever uses it It's gone out of style, but it's used all the time in Latin America coquetta So just remember if one girl says to another that woman over there is a coquetta It's a slightly derogatory term for flirt meaning other Latin women don't like a coquetta woman much because she could be and probably

[17:23] is a threat Now let's move on to something else You know I've been getting a lot of emails lately asking me about the basic cost of living since I've been hearing a lot about Inflation up in the States now contrary to what Richard Martin says about deflation and I do listen to Richard show all the time by the way Everybody up north is complaining that the cost of basic goods has gone up quite a bit Especially in the last five years Even though US government statistics say that food price inflation averaged only about three point one percent per year over the past five years About sixteen percent total in five years now I know the average woman shopper like my mother can tell you a hundred items that have gone up way more than that Which proves again that governments lie, but what about food price inflation down here in Latin America?

[18:12] The other day I was in my favorite gigantic produce market and no way you can call this just a produce market This place has everything including appliances and tires and electronics you name it They've got it including yes all the pirated stuff and get this They've even got a bunch of little guys walking around hawking boxes and blister packs of prescription pills That means generics and name brands like Viagra and Zoloft all those exotic blood pressure pills And those beta and calcium blockers all of it and believe me everything they sell looks like it fell off the back of a truck If you know what I mean now personally, I wouldn't buy any kind of pill at all from these guys I'm not saying they're not the real thing They sure look like it because they're in the blister pack and all But you see these guys are walking around each and every day with a cartload of this stuff draped over their shoulders and on

[19:03] their backs in direct sunlight for hours and hours and if you read the labels on any pill box or Blister pack it always says keep out of direct sunlight and in a cool dry place and just on the basis of that I'm not buying even though the pills that these guys are toting around They're selling for a half or a third of the price that you could buy them in the local pharmacy the brick and mortar Joints and the pharmacies sell them for a quarter of the price that you can get them in the States Talk about low low cost of living so anyway. It's not all that hard to figure who's buying pills from these guys Well, it isn't the rich latin lady with the Range Rover in the bodyguards I'll tell you that you wouldn't be caught dead in one of these gigantic markets aimed at the sweaty masses and expat gringos like me

[19:51] But believe me, this is where all the great deals are and here's what I mean now You know what you're paying for the stuff. I'm about to mention up in the state So I'm not gonna go pricing it out in first-world terms. You know what you spend, but here's what I just spent I bought a bag of giant avocados for 25 cents each. I bought a big three-pound papaya for 75 cents cantaloupe 60 cents a Golden cantaloupe 60 cents a small watermelon about as big as a soccer ball 60 cents four ears of corn without the husk 65 cents the best biggest juiciest tangerines you've ever tasted for 10 cents each red Naturally ripened tomatoes Not the ones like up in the states that are picked and then gassed with ethylene to force them to turn red

[20:39] None of that happens down here local farmers are in a time warp, which is a good thing and they're just not that sophisticated And those tomatoes about 15 cents a pound and what else did I get? Oh, yeah I got some potatoes big ones at 12 cents a pound and a one pound bag of unsalted cashews Which was by the way, my big splurge item at about three dollars and eighty cents a pound However, I do know that if I go to Costco or Walmart down here It cashews cost about seven bucks a pound and they're a little bit oily and over salted and they come from the US That is on the label. It says they were packaged in the US They're probably grown down here and ported up to the states packaged and then sent back down. You know how that works Ah the miracles of modern trucking now, like I said in the big market

[21:26] you can get everything in anything including live ducks and chickens and birds and even certain kind of lizards and while I was there I bought a brand name universal remote control for my TV because I Dropped my remote just way too many times on my solid Spanish tile floor. And what did that remote cost me? Well, he wanted five bucks for the thing But I got him down to three and made him throw in the batteries and that's just the kind of deal You can do down here and you see off the tourist trail. They rarely see gringos In fact when I go to that big market I always dress way down and I make a point of never going there alone simply because I'm like a foot taller than everyone in the place and I kind of stick out like a sore thumb and I Suppose I could be a target for pickpockets and thieves But I've been there a hundred times that I've never ever really felt threatened in any way

[22:13] Although I'd never recommend an expat gringa going down there alone Unless she doesn't mind being hooted at or hit on by six thousand guys an hour But ladies if you dress way down, you won't have that problem at all. Anyway I always take someone along for company and to haul some of that swag back to the car Which is always parked in a guarded parking lot and speaking of swag when you go to a market like that and you're buying Produce most of the time I have to split the trip back to the car Which is a couple blocks away into two or three loads So both you and whoever you're with are carrying one big heavy sack per load and that amount of produce Lasts two weeks for me and I almost never spend more than 20 bucks when I go there so what I'm saying is that you could go down to this big market once every two weeks and

[22:59] Completely stock up with all your fresh fruits and vegetables for about 20 bucks a person or 40 bucks a month Which is a massive amount of stuff for one person. Believe me now Although these markets are absolutely terrific and really really dirt cheap Not to mention most things are exceptionally fresh and came in that morning But still I never recommend that you buy fish meat or poultry in one of those markets because there's no refrigeration anywhere Everybody's set up on the ground or in their little stands or kiosks and only about 20% of the people have any electricity at all and the meat and the fish and the poultry are just laying out on tables or hanging up by hooks a gourmet feast For flies if you know what I mean. Anyway, that's the place you want to buy all your fresh vegetables and produce Not to mention tools DVDs radios tires socks sandals toothpaste. You get the idea. They've got practically everything

[23:50] Oh and another thing when you pass by Anybody's fruit stand as soon as you show any interest at all They'll take out a knife and cut you a piece of a fruit or a vegetable and offer it to you as proof of the fine Quality and for example, they'll take that knife and dig it into a pineapple Cut out a little chunk and sometimes eat that bit themselves then give you a big smile and a nod because it's so juicy and sweet then they'll stick that knife back in the pineapple do the same thing cut out a chunk and Hand it to you and expect you to eat it while it's Balancing on their dirty thumb and that knife that a hundred other people have slurped off of two You know where I'm going with this do not accept that fruit no matter how graciously he offers it But you know, it's hard to say no to a guy who's already stuck a knife in his pineapple and pull out a chunk

[24:40] And he's sticking it in your face. I mean you don't want to insult the guy He's offering you a free piece of food, right? No matter how many Spyro quits have been transferred to the surface now you got to know there's not a real nice way to turn That off or down without hurting the guy's feelings or even insulting him So your best move there is to buy something from the guy Even if you're not necessarily sold on the price or the item you're getting just buy the minimum quantity Since in most cases it won't cost you more than a dime or 15 cents. Oh and speaking of pineapple I forgot to tell you down here they've got these really cool little softball sized pineapples and One per person is just perfect as an adjunct to breakfast lunch or for a snack And I try to get those all the time because when you buy a big whole pineapple, which are very cheap down here, too They're so big you can never eat it all at once

[25:27] You got to slice and clean it and put the rest of it in a container and stick it in the refrigerator They never taste quite as good that night or the next day However, if you buy these little pineapples, which I call hand grenade pineapples They're perfect to take on a road trip with you, too But here's the best part they sell them three for 50 or 60 cents Anyway, now that I've given you some up-to-date cost of living numbers for me and my style of life down here I hope you're comparing my numbers to what you're paying up in New Jersey or in Cleveland And I'm certain that the only way you're gonna ever come even near the prices that I'm paying is if you're Buying your produce from a guy named Knuckles who claims it fell off a truck Oh, and by the way, the final thing on this vegetable and produce subject I forgot to mention that almost all expats I know have some kind of fruit trees and produce growing in their own backyards or gardens

[26:15] Which make a huge adjunct to your dinner table when they're in season In fact, if you have a yard or a garden like I do There will be times when if you don't give it away by the bushel It'll just rot on the ground and be a big mess for your gardener And right now it's the season for lemons avocados and tangerines So when you go to the market, that stuff's really dirt cheap Then in a few months, it'll be strawberries corn and onions and that stuff will be dirt cheap and because down here They've got three or even four growing seasons. Sometimes you never have to wait a whole year for your favorite fruits to flood the market And that's another great reason for living down here in Latin America Now before I finish here, I'd like to make an announcement or two due to a little unforeseen schedule shuffling I have two maybe three openings for my Latin American seminar that takes place in mid January

[27:04] So if you're interested go to expat wisdom calm and click on the seminar link and just a quick update to loyal listeners If you want to listen to and read more about the expat life Especially how to live the good life off the tourist trail Just touch base with our growing expat community and search for expat wisdom on Facebook or Twitter It would be great to have you guys following along on those sites, too So again, just search for expat wisdom on Facebook or Twitter. You won't regret it You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America Coming to you each week from somewhere south of the border and don't forget you can email me on anything at all about Latin America the expat files at gmail.com

[27:51] See you next time You