#223 – The Expat Files: Practical Travel Tips and Cultural Insights from Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder My thoughts ever straight Hi everybody I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files Living in Latin America the show that tells you what it's really like to live work play and or retire in Latin America I tell it just like it is so let's get started Welcome to what I hope will be the final segment of how to put together Johnny's own essential travel kit in the last few programs I've been trying to put together a list of all the little nitty-gritty things that I pack or stuff in my pockets when I travel and

[00:47] explore and along the way in the past few shows I've been giving away a lot of hints and tips that a lot of veteran expats and I Have used when we're out on the road And you'll probably notice that if you take all the little items that I've recommended and you pack them all into one space Combined they take up no more room than about a half of a small shoe box So what other stuff do I carry and I think you'll really need how about your standard size box of dental floss? It's not just for your teeth though you males out there note it works for that too But other than that you'll find a hundred and one uses for that stuff, too Basically, it's the thinnest strongest most durable string You're gonna get besides a spool of 20 pound test fishing line or nylon string Which I used to bring along for all-purpose wrapping and tying and practically anything else you might happen to need some string for I used

[01:38] To bring along that extra stuff until I realized your standard dental floss works Just as well, and it packs and dispenses a little nicer, too Just try it and you'll know what I mean and since we're concerned with size here My suggestion is next time you go to your dentist or dental hygienist ask for extra samples of dental floss They always skimp out and give you the miniature ones, and that's exactly the size We want just perfect for our travel kit And they're free kind of after you've paid 75 bucks for a teeth cleaning that is and no I'm not gonna tell you how much it costs to get your teeth cleaned down here in Latin America because I don't want to Make you cry we'll talk more about dental stuff in a future show so stay tuned now Another nice thing you should pack of course is one of those tiny little sewing kits that high-end hotels like Hilton's and Clarion's

[02:27] Give you for free in your room always grab one of those little things and shove it in your travel kit and by the way Did you know that almost every hotel no matter how many stars it has or doesn't have has tiny sewing kits like that? Available at the front desk for free if you ask so ask and then stick it in your own travel kit Oh, and here's something that's always come in handy for me, but very few people think about it I always recommend you throw in your travel pack two of the skinniest most flexible bungee cords you can find I always take a two footer and a three footer along but get the ones with the skinny diameter cord not the fat ones We need them flexible, and we need them small You know and it's okay to go cheap on these things to three to five bucks for both of them We'll do the trick and those things have a million uses too

[03:15] And of course you can string two bungee cords together and make them longer as needed I know you knew that but a lot of times a bungee cord is just too long and if you wrap it around the object Twice it's too short again, so how do you solve that well the simple and dirty trick There is to tie one or two or three knots in it because that'll shorten it up and doesn't ruin the bungee cord You could take those knots out later or not excuse the pun So basically a couple of bungee cords like that can be infinitely flexible You just got to play around with them a bit Oh, and don't forget to bring a very cheap tiny MP3 player. They're everywhere these days Yeah, of course you can go small and high-end and get one of those iPod Nano things But you could get a no-name brand just as small for a quarter of the price

[04:01] Just make sure it's got a lithium-ion battery in it So it's rechargeable in any USB port or in one of those tiny wall adapter USB chargers and don't laugh I've seen a lot of gringo tourists, but not long-term expats usually because they get smarter as time goes on anyway I see a lot of green tourists and newbie expats with MP3 players and cameras and even expensive pocket Translators that you can't directly charge you have to pull the batteries out and regularly recharge them That means you have to carry a separate charger and the cables around with you, too Just another thing to lose sit on get wet leave behind in your hotel room or loan to another careless tourist or backpacker Who'll lose it or break it for you forget about using that method?

[04:48] So get your tiny basic MP3 unit that you can recharge directly and you know people do ask me what I load my MP3 up with well, I do two things I download a lot of audio books and my favorite to PRN shows Gary Nall and Richard Martin and I'll tell you something else that I do I download a whole month at a time of coast-to-coast am radio programs, too Now I don't know if all of you know what coast-to-coast am is but it's a midnight and early morning show Started by a guy named art Bell some 25 years ago or so and the show Specializes in strange and weird topics including some very good hard science to mix in with a lot of new-age mindless fluff like Astrology as well as demons and possessions reptilians and Nostradamus Bigfoot and psychic spoon bending kind of stuff, too

[05:39] You know the woo stuff. So unless I need a good laugh I just fast-forward through that tripe basically half the shows are really Educational and entertaining and the other half are for the round file completely So I just download the whole month's worth of shows which is over a hundred hours a month and I just listen to the first 20 seconds or so to figure out what topic they're talking about and Who the guest is and I immediately skip over the Bigfoot the Bible prophecy and the astrology crap till I land on a really? Intelligent topic like tarot cards and Ouija boards. Just kidding So when I'm in a car or in a bank or sitting in a cafe, I'm usually kind of multitasking It's kind of a leftover affliction from the first world Some of us expats never get over it You know and as you probably know men aren't even supposed to be good at multitasking and they tell us we can't dance either

[06:31] But still we try So if I'm in a restaurant or a cafe or a bank Often I'll be reading a local newspaper and listening to my cheap iPod clone at the same time And here's the funny thing down here in Latin America when people ask me what I'm listening to They really think I'm gonna blurt out the name of a song or a popular artist like Shakira And when I tell them I'm listening to Gerald Selenthe or Michu Kaku or a discussion about Abiotic oil they kind of just nod and walk away, you know And when locals or gringos asked me if I like Latin music, I always tell them the same thing It's great if you like to dance but like I said in that respect us gringo males are a total embarrassment to our culture and What's worse we even suck when we sing our hum along to Latin tunes

[07:16] and thankfully Latins are nice enough not to laugh or make fun of us when we try and it's true on occasion the question does Come up amongst us expats and that question is do we really like Latin music at all? I mean Latin's did have some crossover music. They had some catchy tunes La Bamba tequila the Macarena, but when Ricky Martin came out with the Vita loca That's when us long-term expats pulled out the vomit bags But how do expats feel about real Latin rock that is a huge genre down here And I'm not talking Latin dance music like Shakira or even Ricky Martin And by the way down here Shakira is still really hot and Ricky Martin's a has-been He's kind of a Latin Britney Spears. Everyone still knows the name, but no one buys the records anymore

[08:03] You know, anyway, the question is do gringo travelers and expats like Latin rock Which only really popped up in a big way in the last 10 years as a direct response to gringo rock which has been around since the 1950s a half a century and just so you know Latin's Absolutely. Love American rock and roll In fact every medium to large-sized city down here has a classic rock station in English And they don't even play any of the real good classic hits only the syrupy crap by Michael Bolton and air supply Phil Collins in Chicago Actually a lot of the worst of the 70s and 80s hits Yuck and Latin's do listen to those stations even though they don't know what the words mean

[08:49] But they know how to hum the tunes a lot better than we can I might add. Yeah I should talk like us gringos really understand the words to modern rap and hip-hop anyway Because Latin's love everything and anything gringo They've got their own bad copy of gringo rock, which is completely unoriginal in every way not to mention They've even copied quite badly I might add all the little sub genres of American rock to like heavy metal soft rock hard rock easy listening and goth rock their version of Latin punk rock and even Latin Christian rock and that's just a tiny part of the List and here's something you're gonna find amazing or depressing depends on how good an ear you've got If you ever go to see a Latin rock band play and you will because if you're down here for any length of time

[09:39] It's a phenomena that's everywhere Anyway as you're listening to these so-called original Latin rock songs if you listen carefully You'll recognize whole chunks of songs that were completely ripped off chord for chord note for note from some group You're used to listening to up in the States. Oh, and I forgot They've also got Latin hip-hop and reggae and alternative new age and house music And of course, they've got a very active DJ and dance club scene And of course copied all that stuff from first-world groups, too But thankfully they've still got that traditional Latin group going to like samba salsa merengue bassa nova tengo and cumba and ranchero for better or for worse That's the kind of music that gringles and expats kind of expect to hear when they first land down here

[10:27] We half expect to hear it pumped out of every doorway and every kiosk and every loudspeakers south of the border and surely That's because we're so used to the Hollywood eyes the version of what Latin America is supposed to be like, right? But unfortunately for us nostalgic traditional lists. It's really not much that way at all In fact if some of your most favorite jazz or lounge music happens to be bassa nova Sergio Mendez and the girl from Ipanema and all that. Oh, and by the way, here's another something You didn't know the girl from Ipanema that song is the second most recorded popular song in the history of music Following right behind guess what number one song of all time? No. No, it's not bitches Love me by Snoop Dogg 50 cent and little Wayne. It's yesterday by the Beatles

[11:13] In fact, here's a little sad news for all you first worlders who've never been to South America When you go down to Brazil right in the homeland the heart of where bossa nova started The only time you ever hear that stuff is in the gringo and tourist hotels clubs and bars Which is a shame really? The reality is down here in Latin America only the older generations listen to that kind of music I'm talking abuelos and abuelas grandmas and grandpas now It's kind of been turned into the music of Latin America In other words, you hear it in elevators and dentist offices and shopping malls and stuff In fact, it's become kind of like background music to everything just like how Broadway musical hits and Burt Bacharach music has become background music in the States and Funny thing when you turn on the radio down here in Latin America, especially when you're off the tourist trail and re-radio station plays its own

[12:02] Genre, so you'll have Latin rock stations Latin classic rock stations Believe it or not Latin easy listening stations and Latin stations specializing in traditional salsa Basanova and merengue too, but in sheer listener numbers Those stations are not popular at all with the under 40 crowd In fact when you're flipping through the dial and hit one of those stations any young latin will make a face and roll their eyes And give you that you got to be kidding me look It's kind of the same look you get from intelligent expats when they hear rap hip-hop or Christian rock. You know what I mean So even if you're an expat down here for a year or so You'll never quite figure out what's really happening on the music scene But it's definitely divided into age groups Just like it is up in the first world down here everyone over 30 or 40 listens to a certain kind of music that they grew

[12:51] Up with with the more traditional latin beats and stuff whereas people under 30 well It's mostly about the latin rock scene, and it's subgenres Oh, and let's not forget about ragathon, which is simply dumb down mind numbing throbbing repetitive dance music basically the latin version of women degrading rap and hip-hop and Like I said in the past show latins have a tremendous amount of innate musical talent and rhythm It's obvious from just the way they dance right, but unfortunately they have about zero creativity when it comes to the latin rock scene But still it's taken over and it's a huge market for young people especially young men and boys And they're having a great time doing it so who am I to say after all I'm only a permanent visitor here really and ever

[13:40] the cynic right But let's get back to my essential travel kit now another thing. I really suggest you buy is One of those tiny little collapsible umbrellas they call them travel umbrellas and unfortunately these days most everything's made in China like that So you could get a real dud if you go buy a cheap one at Costco or Walmart or any of those dollar stores I've had some of those Chinese cheapies And they usually collapse at the first gust of wind and you can get some quality expensive ones out there too But there's one that's like the super travel umbrella of all time called the devic mini. That's d-a-v-e-k But these things cost like 50 bucks or more, but you're talking like the Mercedes Benz of umbrellas here and

[14:26] Expat Eddie you know who's got the dough he bought a devic mini and that thing is just tremendous It's about five or six inches long and weighs about a half a pound so you can slip it in your shirt Or your back pocket with ease Or you can get the devic. That's a little bit bigger the traveler devic and man the only problem is if you'll misplace it or someone Swipes it it'll be definitely worth crying about Now Eddie's got one of these in the glove compartment of his car And I'm tempted to swipe it myself, but to tell you the truth I carry around a little Chinese one with me because you know they're only three to five bucks and As many times as I've been caught in the rain even the Chinese ones seem adequate but you don't want to use one of those cheap Chinese things if you're hanging around in the rainy season for a long period of Time because remember the rainy season is like six months long

[15:13] It's like a bad Florida rain on steroids Which brings me to another thing you have to have in your travel kit an impermeable raincoat with a little hood on it the kind You can get in any dollar store And you don't have to pay more than three to five bucks for that in fact I've got one that folds down into a tiny little pack That's about as large as two blackberries stacked on top of each other But the problem seems to be every time you take it out of the pack you can never quite get it down to that size Again, anyway, you do need one of those and don't go spending more than five bucks on it now Speaking of rain and raincoats one thing you're gonna see when you're down here is a lot of local latins running around in the rain mostly trying to catch a bus not a buzz a chicken bus and The vast majority of the lower classes don't even have umbrellas So what do they use a good old generic hefty garbage bag with a hole punched in for the head and for the arms

[16:03] and it's quite a fashion statement when you see someone whipping down the street on a motorcycle wearing one of those garbage bags or Two people on a motorcycle wearing two or just one garbage bag between them There's a lot of that going around down here. You just make do that's why a great gift for one of your workers The cleaning lady or the maintenance guy is a bona fide umbrella and like everywhere else in the world these days Latin America is just flooded with cheap Chinese products So you can buy a full-size crummy umbrella like that down here for like three bucks But if you're an expat traveling and exploring you don't want one of those for yourself They're too big bulky and cheaply made so forget about it But they do make excellent gifts for locals if you're in a quandary about what to give them though Basically, they could use about anything you could give them except like Eddie says a set of golf clubs

[16:51] Because you see once a few years back Eddie bought a brand new set of finalist clubs and gave his old set to the maintenance guy And he did it because the maintenance guy took a great interest in his clubs They were always hanging up in Eddie's garage and every once in a while when Eddie would have his maintenance guy take him out And polish him he noticed the guy was really enamored with him He'd actually take a few swings once in a while and practice putting along the side of the house and Eddie noticed and actually encouraged the guy Then one day it came time for Eddie to buy some new clubs at least he thought he needed new ones because he joined a brand new expensive country club and Believe it or not every Latin country does have first world style country clubs. They have no public ones They're always private and they're only found in big populated areas and tourist areas

[17:37] And basically for Latins joining a country club is a lot like having a bunch of bodyguards It's almost always for show for them It's a lot like joining a health club at first you go a lot and after a while the desire peters out And you just quit going it's not like in the states where you really have golf fanatics down here It's not taken nearly as seriously as it is up in the first world It's a rich man sport down here, and you'll never catch a middle-class guy in the golf course unless he's the caddy anyway Eddie gave us old clubs which were in perfect condition to his maintenance man Now since there are no public golf courses in Latin America to speak of and any kind of country club membership would cost at Least two years salary for the guy there was no place for him to actually play golf

[18:22] But he naturally accepted the gift anyway, and he was overjoyed and about a year and a half later Eddie's maintenance guy invited him to the Kinsi Anu's party of his daughter the 15 year party that all young Latin girls have their introduction into adulthood Kind of like a bar mitzvah anyway Eddie being the guy's boss for so many years Dropped off a gift and made an appearance and as he walked through the living room of the tiny house He noticed his old golf clubs the bag was displayed prominently in the corner with some bamboo and some dried flower arrangements sticking out of it and the golf clubs themselves were Fastened to the wall a permanent decoration they were mixed in on that wall with some frame diplomas of the guy's grade school and high school kids and

[19:12] Practically nothing surprises Eddie But he did take a cell phone picture of it just to show me when he told me the story When one more thing about that golf club that Eddie joined I've gone out and shot a few rounds with him and you know It's like having your own private golf course because almost no one's ever out there like I said before Latin's aren't really Serious about the game at all for them It's just another version of gold's gym where only about five percent of the members become diehards The rest just come to the clubhouse to have dinner and be seen once in a while But they don't hit the course which is very very cool for gringos who are serious about it So if you are a golf fanatic go ahead and join one of these country clubs here joining is very cheap Compared to first world prices besides that they just love to have gringo members

[19:59] And you'll practically have the whole course to yourself and Eddie says because of that The real problem is trying to find someone to go out and shoot with Okay enough about that. Let's get on with our packing list again now Another thing I often get asked about is the use of sunblock what to use and what to carry Well, you know even here up in the Altiplano where I love it so much That's when the Sun really is deceiving because you see when you're on the coast when you're hanging around the beaches You burn up fast really fast. That's obvious because you're nearer the equator and the Sun is more perpendicular So the UB rays are penetrating through a smaller chunk of atmosphere But when you're at sea level or at the beaches, it's always so damn hot You know, you're frying fast and in just 20 minutes without a hefty Sun black you're gonna burn

[20:48] But you just don't feel it that much when you're in the Altiplano So just be aware of it and what Sun screens do I recommend? I say get two small 100 milliliter tubes or bottles of cheap High SPF product like a 30 or a 50 SPF pay attention to this very closely if you take a 50 SPF Generic no-name brand cream that you bought at the dollar store for three or four bucks you can mix equal parts of your favorite cheap hand or skin lotion and Now you have double the volume of sunscreen at half the SPF rating For example, if you have a hundred milliliters of 50 SPF and you dilute it an equal amount A hundred milliliters of an inexpensive hand lotion. Now, you've got 200 milliliters of SPF 25

[21:35] Now if you're thinking don't try this at home Johnny's a skin flint and he doesn't know what he's talking about Well, as a matter of fact, I have a very good friend up in the States Who's a chemist who not only verified this but he does it himself He doesn't like to spend 15 or 20 bucks a bottle on suntan lotion either. So go ahead and try it What have you got to lose? I do it all the time and I have a lot of expat friends who do the same but if you don't mix it well and you get some blisters don't think about suing me because Down here in Latin America. There's still a huge lag time on frivolous lawsuits, which is a very good thing Down here. It's buyer beware and no cup of coffee from McDonald's whether hot or scalding could ever be grounds for a lawsuit They just left you out of court. And by the way, here's another little tidbit You probably didn't know about SPF and sunscreens now

[22:24] Most people for example think that if you have an SPF 30 It only blocks the Sun half as good as an SPF 60 In other words, if you have a 60 you can stay out in the Sun twice as long and it sounds logical, right? But the assumption is all wrong according to the American Society of Dermatologists in SPF 30 blocks 97% of all UVB rays. Those are the rays that cause sunburn and skin damage You got that an SPF 30 product blocks 97% So logically you think that an SPF product of half that SPF 15 would block about 43 or 44 percent of those UVB damaging rays, right? Well, you'd be completely wrong a sunscreen with an SPF of 15

[23:12] actually blocks 94% of UVB rays and what does that mean? Well, like my buddy the chemist says if you buy any sunscreen with an SPF greater than 50 and as you know The greater the SPF the greater the cost of the product Anyway, you buy anything greater than SPF 50 and you're throwing your money down the toilet In fact, he says if you buy anything over SPF 30, that's money in the crapper, too So again my tip buy two SPF 30s and dilute one of them with hand cream at the equal volume And you'll have an SPF 30 and double the amount of SPF 15 Now if somebody wants to challenge me on that be my guest But that system's been working for me and a lot of my expat friends for years and years

[23:58] Or you can spend 10 or 15 bucks and get yourself some genuine Hawaiian Tropic or banana boat sunscreen your call Though I do have to admit a bottle of genuine Hawaiian Tropic looks a lot cooler sitting next to my Mai Tai Then a cheap knockoff brand. Oh the price of being cool, huh? Well, you know another indispensable thing I have in my travel kit if I didn't mention it already is a very small flat pack those moist Handy wipe type towelettes just get the very smallest portable little plastic pack Which I think holds about 25 and sure you could have those individually wrapped towelettes But they're two or three times as expensive as the bulk pack and that discussion leads us directly into TP toilet paper Now it's a delicate subject that not a lot of people like to talk about but like expat Eddie says

[24:45] After the next big financial crash when not if that happens TP will be as good as gold It'll be preppers trading bullets for toilet paper Especially after your people magazines in your Sunday funnies run out, but that's a problem for you first worlders up there Anyway, you hear from a lot of backpackers Especially how there's no toilet paper in a lot of the bathrooms down here in the third world. Well, that's true So should you carry a roll around with you? Well, here's what I recommend a roll of toilet paper is bulky yet Very essential, especially when you're traveling in the boonies and hanging around you guessed it backpacker places Well, here's all you really need to do you take a roll of toilet paper That's about three quarters used already take the unused fresh part

[25:30] Not the used part then you just push on it with the heel of your hand and squish it down flat and slip a few rubber Bands around it to keep it that way then slip it into a small ziplock freezer bag And that's all you need to carry with you Now that little thing is good for three or four trips to the John and they had to call it a John now Didn't they? Anyway, so even if you're stuck in a crummy five-dollar a night backpacker hotel You'll be well supplied and probably can even share if you like and the next day when you're out on the road You just resupply down here in all communities big and small There's a tienda or two or a bigger supermarket every couple of blocks So you'll always be able to resupply and yes down here in Latin America You can buy it by the roll. You don't need to buy a 12 pack In fact, if you're a smoker and you want to buy an individual cigarette

[26:17] You can buy them singly to most little stores sell all their products individually because in middle and lower class neighborhoods The larger sizes and bulk packs of practically any item just aren't affordable Oh, and by the way, a lot of seasoned expats I know who travel a lot always have three or four paper napkins neatly folded at all times Now paper napkins aren't a great substitute for TP if that's what you think I'm getting at But what I am saying is there are 101 uses for those things For example, when you're in a restaurant wiping off bottle tops and dinnerware that you don't trust and of course for bathroom doorknobs Basically use them for everything you'd use a regular Kleenex or a scot tissue for except they're about ten times cheaper and available practically everywhere

[27:03] In fact, I recommend that when you go to a restaurant You ask the waiter or waitress for three or four napkins and stick them in a pocket before you leave and don't get me wrong It's not that you're too cheap to buy them It's just that when you buy them in the grocery store, you got to buy them in a gigantic pack So make it a habit of sticking four or five of those in your pocket in every restaurant I mean, it's not stealing. They're glad to give them to you You're a customer after all and again for the expat traveler, there's a hundred and one uses for those things Don't leave home without them You You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America Coming to you each week from somewhere south of the border and don't forget you can email me on anything at all about Latin

[27:48] America the expat files at gmail.com See you next time