#224 – The Expat Files: Essential Travel Kits, Security Tips, and Life in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder My thoughts ever straight Hi everybody I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files Living in Latin America the show that tells you what it's really like to live work play and or retire in Latin America I tell it just like it is so let's get started Okay, okay guys I promise this is gonna be the very last installment of Johnny's cheap and dirty Essential travel kit and it's all your fault because so many people have been emailing me and talking to me in person

[00:47] Asking me what I pack and the little tricks I use when I'm on vacation or just on the road in Latin America simply traveling I thought I could do it in two chapters, but it's turned out to be five And you know why that is it's because I always get sidetracked somewhere It's that I'm afflicted with this semi-conscious stream of consciousness thing. That's what expat Eddie calls it He says that's what I'm afflicted with and that means when I get rolling it takes a Mac truck to stop me But eventually I meander back to the main point of the show. I hope so anyway bear with me this will I promise be the last installment on this thing and if I forget to mention any of the items that I use frequently When I'm on the trail, don't worry. I'll bring them up in a future show because you can't think of everything, right? now we talked about that basic Swiss Army knife business in a previous show and I told you to get the smallest one that has

[01:36] a corkscrew and the reason why I mentioned that is because to have a corkscrew the size of the body of the knife has to Be a certain minimum size and that means that the knife part of the Swiss Army knife that's tucked in the body is the perfect General size for a knife for our purposes It's just right any smaller and the knife blade will be too thin and weak and you'll probably snap it off because I guarantee you'll use it for things for which it's not intended like prying open paint can lids and Unscrewing rusted bolts and things like that the kinds of things that would normally snap the blade of a standard cheaper knife of the same Size and that's what makes the Swiss Army knife stand out above the rest You can abuse the hell out of them and they keep on performing Okay, so you've got your all-purpose nearly indestructible knife

[02:22] But there's one more metal utensil you've got to have you have to have a spoon a small metal spoon And the best size to have is the spoon that's slightly smaller than your basic kitchen teaspoon And it's got to be metal and forget about those collapsible foldable camping style spoons in my experience most of the time those things come up short just get yourself a small basic metal spoon and What about a metal fork not necessary You're better off using those plastic forks that they give away at every fast-food restaurant They're more than adequate for our needs readily available disposable and recyclable But you need that metal spoon because if you're gonna be eating on the road in a bus in a car or just hiking You're gonna be buying a lot of fresh fruit along the way

[03:08] Because Latin America's just filled with the greatest fresh fruit imaginable in jumbo Gigantic sizes that are barely manageable, too So you've got your Swiss army knife to cut it open, but you can't use a plastic spoon on that stuff Do you ever try eating a papaya with a plastic spoon or a melon or a grapefruit forget about it? It's just a disaster. So there you have it throw away plastic fork You can get anywhere and your own personal metal spoon besides that because it's metal and always in your possession You know you've cleaned it and it's sanitized the way you want it And yes, you can use the local polluted water out of the tap to clean your spoon and your Swiss army knife and even your hands And face but make sure you wipe them completely dry after that either with a clean towel or those spare

[03:55] Clinics as I told you to have with you all the time and don't forget as a precaution when you're at a restaurant Don't ever have your drinks poured into their glasses because even if they've been cleaned adequately and they look just fine to you You never know how they were handled on the way to your table The cooks the waiters and the waitresses are gonna touch the rims with their fingers. That's the way they carry them around Basically always drink out of a can or bottle and do wipe down the tops of those with your napkin, too And the first time you do that have a look at the Kleenex after you've wiped it and you'll know just why I'm mentioning this And of course like I mentioned before no matter what the sign says above the sink in your hotel room Sometimes the sign does say you can drink the water Well don't fall for it even if the water looks crystal clear in a glass

[04:42] And in some places the water is known for being really lousy in fact right out of the tap It looks scummy brown or even greenish and in that case It's a good idea to wash your spoon and your knife with the local bottled water Do that right after you've rinsed it with the brown or green water that's coming out of the tap and even though Bottled water is an unknown quantity itself all over the world It's plenty good enough to wash your silverware and plates with now to go along with that You must bring along with you one of those little green or blue scotch bright pads You know those little square or round scouring pads that are made out of that green or blue interwoven plastic I'm not talking about the ones that are metal kind of like steel wool. I'm talking about the plastic ones You've probably got one sitting on your sink up in Cleveland

[05:29] And you only want to bring one of these things in fact I buy the generic ones and they cut them down to about a three by three and square and Bring one of those along with me when I travel and they pack Absolutely flat too because they're only about an eighth to a quarter inch thick and those things have a hundred and one uses beyond The obvious like for example if one of those plastic pads is completely dry it acts very much like fine sandpaper so I've used one many times to clean grungy battery contacts and Use it to remove rust and oxidation from things that rust and oxidize like bolts and screws and fasteners and handles and even junk jewelry Not to mention you often use it for exactly what it's intended for because when you're traveling Sometimes you end up in a hotel or a motel or a cabin

[06:16] That's got a little kitchen or a kitchenette built into it and the hotel in that case will usually supply Scratched and dented pots and pans and dishes, but none of the cleaning or scouring stuff And by the way when you're traveling do be on the lookout for those places with little kitchenettes I know you'll find a lot of those when you rent what they call a cabina, which is a cabin especially with cabinas or condos that are on or near a beachfront and if you're on the road for a long time a Kitchenette like that will save you a ton of dough in restaurant charges And of course you can buy a woven plastic scouring pad like that in any little grocery or convenience store So when yours gets clogged or scummed up just buy a new one for 10 cents down here at the local store And the word in Spanish for those things is posh teh again. That's

[07:05] posh teh Oh, and another thing you always want to carry one with you is at least medium-sized garbage bags and two or three of the small or Medium-sized plastic bags that you get when you bag your groceries at a regular grocery store And you know a lot of hotel rooms will have a plastic bag or two like that in the closet That are supposed to be for your dirty laundry when you want it sent down to the hotel laundry service Well, those bags are for hotel clients like you so don't be bashful Take them and again There's a hundred and one uses for plastic bags like that when you're on the road and you'll never know how important they really are Until you have a situation Messy or otherwise and I'm not specifically talking about using them for garbage either though That's obvious. For example

[07:51] If you're gonna eat in a car or a bus just lay a plastic bag like that on your lap first and especially if you eat A big old piece of fruit. You won't look like you had a bladder problem later And of course, they're great for separating your dirty laundry in your luggage, too But let's not beat a dead horse, you know Now let's get away from that boring stuff and talk about something really interesting Decoys now, like I've mentioned in many past shows before you should always keep your valuables and you're really important stuff hidden in a That's so obvious place and in the obvious place you should have a decoy. For example, let's start with the decoy fanny pack now Obviously when you're in a high-volume tourist area, one of the things you have to worry about is pickpockets Now that's a worldwide phenomena and there are very sophisticated groups of pickpockets working in some of the most touristy cities in the world

[08:40] Like Paris, Rome, Venice, Buenos Aires, and even San Jose, Costa Rica In fact as far as tourists and world travelers are concerned That's the most frequent kind of crime you'll encounter. Those petty criminals are not out to hurt rape or shoot you They just want your phone your bag your wallet or your backpack and the last thing they want is a confrontation In fact tourists are notorious for letting their guard down Especially newbie starry eyed ones that just hopped off the bus who haven't done much traveling before and that's just what these guys are counting on And to pickpockets those types are obvious. Now the one thing that even professional pickpockets are not up to speed on Are decoys and you know over the years. I've taken a kind of an unofficial poll amongst gringo travelers

[09:28] And it turns out only about one out of two hundred Gringos ever even thought there was such a thing as having a decoy fanny pack or decoy wallet phone credit card or computer And that's why if you have a decoy like that, you are at a supreme advantage So let's talk first about the decoy fanny pack Well, once you've hidden all your secret important stuff like your passport and your credit cards and your money in your inconspicuous zipper money belt and that hidden passport pouch We talked about there are a few valuable things you might have left that don't fit in there like your smartphone and your iPad And your camera well these days on the internet there are all kinds of clothes and vests and shirts and cargo pants even underwear that have pockets hidden and otherwise with Zippers and velcro that are very secure and no matter how stealthy a pickpocket is

[10:18] They have no desire to dig into a zipper or a velcro pocket. Those are not the kind of pockets They're used to swiping things from these guys are common street people They're not David Blaine's or copper fields or the amazing Randy or Kreskin In fact, the number one thing a common thief working in a tourist area wants is your fanny pack And secondly your backpack because for one thing they always think that tourists have a smartphone stashed in that fanny pack Along with the wallet and the credit cards and some cash and guess what they do and by the way I know I said this on a show a long time ago But the number one place in the world for expert pickpockets is guess where the Vatican now You think Jesus or some saint or somebody would do something about that. I mean they are supposed to have wings, right?

[11:05] Oh, well, anyway, since petty thieves love stealing fanny packs so much and they're quite good at it Let's give them something to talk about or I should say to cry about if they're successful in getting yours now First of all, I'd like to say I've only met two people down here in Latin America in my 21 years Who've had their fanny packs stolen right off of them while they were walking around doing the tourists thing So don't get the idea that it's an epidemic. It's not but when gringo tourists get together, especially backpackers They do talk about things like that. So like I said of all the time. I've been down here I've only heard of two cases directly from the horse's mouth and both times it happened near the Central Park in San Jose Costa Rica. In fact, both of them happened in the busy square in front of the National Theatre

[11:52] However, I've heard a number of stories of fanny packs being stolen not off the person while he's wearing it But it happened while the owner himself was digging around in the fanny pack in that case They had the zipper and the flap wide open for anyone to see and so a thief just bumps into you makes his apology and takes Off with wallet camera or iPod in hand and it takes a minute or two for you to realize what just happened and again 80% of the time this happens in a big crowded Central Park or When you're at a busy bus station on a public chicken bus or at a busy well-known tourist site So here's how to avoid that. Here's the trick. Go ahead and buy yourself a cheap fanny pack Pick up a crappy cheap wallet stick a very expired credit card or two in there

[12:40] That's always a nice touch and get a mix of very small bills from a lot of Latin American countries if you can About 20 bucks worth will do nicely because you see crooks like that aren't worldly at all Crooks and thieves have no idea of the value of foreign currency They know the local stuff alright, but for example you ask anyone in Panama what an Argentine peso is worth They have no idea Anyway, you don't want to make that wallet too lean you want to make it look like it's a fat with dough and credit cards and any kind of plastic card will do really a Parking pass an old library card a hospital visitors pass. It doesn't matter It'll all look very juicy to a thief and don't forget to go into that junk drawer in your house and pick out a very small Cell phone one that you haven't used for 10 years or so and stick that in your fanny pack, too

[13:29] And now you're set that's the perfect decoy in fact I know some expats down here will actually hope that one day they get their fanny pack ripped Just so they can have a good laugh about it. I mean wouldn't you give anything to see the look on that crooks face? when he tries to swipe that useless credit card and how about when he tries to switch out the sim card in that old phone the Old phones didn't even have sim cards Now one thing you really do have to look up for even if you're all set with that decoy fanny pack is if you're writing on public transportation with your backpack or Shopping bags or anything else you might be hand-carrying because in most Latin countries public transportation is so crowded You'll almost never get to sit down not when you're in a medium to big-sized city Generally during business hours you'll be standing and even if you do get to sit down the thieves in the pickpockets

[14:19] They'll have their eye on you generally There's gangs of these guys working certain bus lines in every big city, and they're really stealthy about it, too In fact all you have to do is ask any local Latin person that rides the bus to and from work or back and forth to School ask them if they've ever been robbed on a bus Nearly everyone will have had that experience and they know quite a few people personally who've been robbed, too And it's not as if someone comes up to you or sits next to you and sticks a knife in your face and demands your money Or your fanny pack It's just that these buses are so crowded and everybody's pushing and leaning on each other and of course Latins are used to having Practically no personal space anyway, so it doesn't bother them however It's a perfect feeding ground for thieves and pickpockets

[15:04] And you should know that in all the medium to large-sized cities there are gangs of pickpockets working together on Practically every bus line, and that's why I don't recommend chicken buses or public transportation And let me clarify one thing here not all public transportation are classified as chicken buses Medium and large Latin cities often have public metro systems that consist mostly of nice expensive Mercedes buses and of course even those get ground to crap after a while since maintenance is not on the menu But usually those metro lines are in pretty good shape compared to chicken buses that is But just like chicken buses I don't recommend you ride them since they're always Overcrowded like Eddie says ear hole to elbow balls to the wall, so it's ripe territory for pickpockets and thieves

[15:53] Now chicken buses have an obvious look in a former life almost all of them were yellow school buses back up in the states Until they were retired from service because of old age an accident or just severe mechanical problems And then after they've been junked or rejected up in the states They're shipped down here to Latin America painted gaudy red blue or rainbow colors named after a girlfriend Saint or Jesus and finally given the finishing touch of being painted and stickered and chromed on every square inch and Voila like expat Eddie says now you have a mechanical version of a $5 hooker anyway We were talking about getting robbed on the bus, so how does it generally happen? Well the thieves usually work in pairs

[16:40] They spot a gringo or someone that looks like he's got something valuable and they work their way toward him one of them in front Facing him and one of them and back and that's the guy you got to worry about and the guy in your face Will try to get your attention with a little smile or some banter, or it could be a woman a better diversion yet meanwhile the accomplice right behind you is Slitting open your backpack and robbing you and you don't even know it not until much later most likely when you get home or back to your hotel and that's how the majority of tourists and backpackers are robbed on public Transportation or when they're jammed up tight at a tourist spot or in a Central Park where there's a lot of activity in fact Early on some eight or ten years ago when expat Eddie first got down here to Central America

[17:28] He got robbed in broad daylight right in the Central Park in San Salvador while he was standing in a crowd of about 25 people watching one of those stupid Peruvian bands that shows up in every Central Park You know playing those new age Yanni flute tunes dressed like Andy's mountaineers Blowing away on their little bamboo flutes and selling CDs that all sound the same those guys are everywhere There's like an international cottage industry for Peruvian flute players. You know anyway It was one of the first times Eddie had seen one of those bands and he was interested He stood there for a while and the next thing he knew His backpack was getting lighter and lighter when he got back to his hotel his backpack had a surgical slice in it And he was missing his Sony Discman player. You remember those things their retro museum pieces now

[18:18] Anyway, those are the kind of events in places where gringo tourists and travelers let their guard down now While we're talking about decoys the next thing you might want to be thinking about is a decoy computer Now most of us have an old laptop or two stashed away in a closet that we'll never use again But we just can't bear it apart with same reason We got a junk drawer full of old useless cell phones and funky adapters, too Now the thing is I believe you only want to have a decoy computer under special Circumstances like for example that couple from Canada that I told you about in a previous show that drove down to my seminar Driving a pickup truck and hauling a trailer now if you remember I told you how they got robbed at gunpoint Just about 50 miles into Mexico from the Texas border now

[19:05] they knew by listening to my show and from other sources on the internet and stuff that something like that could very possibly happen in Mexico and it did and they also had a decoy computer which served them quite well because they had four good Computers hidden in that trailer that the thieves never got their hands on so that's a very specific and excellent case for having a decoy Right there, but if you're just trucking around from city to city or hotel to hotel It's a lot of extra trouble carrying around a decoy like that now for expats living down here whether they rent her own I can see how it would be a pretty good idea to have a decoy Computer right out in the open like in the kitchen or a desk and you're done Preferably an ancient laptop of course sitting out in the open where everyone can see it and then of course you have your good stuff

[19:51] hidden away in a secret secure lock-up somewhere else in the house And I'm sure as I'm mentioning this some of you guys out there can think of other reasons to have a decoy computer But just hauling a decoy around because you're paranoid about being robbed just doesn't make sense Just don't be obvious and don't let your guard down and know this a lot of people aren't carrying their laptop Computers around anymore because in some cases those iPads and tablets are about all you really need oh and by the way these days Certain smartphones and iPads and tablets have security features built in that if they do get stolen You can get on the internet or dial a number and enter a code and lock up or wipe all the data You've got in that stolen item. It's a big help for your personal security But it doesn't help that your hardware is still stolen and lately there have been some very cool

[20:41] Advancements in file storage, too Now you can actually upload and encrypt any or all of the computer files that you want to some space in the ether world And retrieve them at will from anywhere you want So you don't have to bring your computer with all your valuable data down here at all for example You could just go to a cafe internet and click on one of those file saving or file sharing sites One of them by the way is called dropbox and you could play around with your files and data all you want from another location Without having to haul around your own computer at all and how secure is that well? It's as secure as you want it to be because if you use good encryption It's totally secure But you see the problem is when you use someone else's computer like at a cafe internet You must make sure before you sign off that you wipe that computer clean of everything you did using for example a very cool program

[21:34] Called window washer have you ever heard of it you have that thing installed on your flash drive Shove it into that internet computer and run it when you're finished doing your work And there'll be absolutely no trace of you ever being there on that computer or on that cafe internets network So check out the one that a lot of expats use it's called window washer and just to drive that point home I use a lot of cafe internets and about 50% of the time Once I log on I can see exactly what the last guy was doing on that computer every site He's visited everything. He's downloaded and a lot of times I can even go directly into his email box Because as it turns out a great percentage of Latins never log off their email account

[22:21] Though I have a feeling it's not only Latins that forget to log off so just remember what I said, okay? Let's move on to something else now a lot of people send me emails asking me about pocket Translators because those things have really changed in the last few years They're so good now that you can actually talk into them or have someone else talking to them and get the audio Translation played back to you almost instantly and not only that these little translators have lists of the 25 50 or 100 most popular phrases used by travelers so for example if you type in the first word or two a number of Relevant phrases will pop up on the screen kind of like an internet search where you automatically get a big list Then you just select the phrase and you're off for example if you plug in the words

[23:09] Where is the then the little computer in the device will try to guess the rest of the phrase and give you a number of Options for example if you put where is the it'll say? bathroom car taxi hotel, and you just select the one you want you get the idea now the problem is these sophisticated dedicated Translator devices well the decent ones cost 250 bucks and up So what do I recommend none of them and you know why? Because they're all free or virtually free apps available for your smart phones now And they work just as well if not better than some of the dedicated devices however the only problem there is you have to have A good solid internet connection which is fine if you're at a tourist site or a populated area or a small medium or large city

[23:54] However if you're way out in the boonies splunking camping pyramid climbing or whitewater rafting well Then the internet just may not have arrived in that area yet, but sooner or later. It will get there So again my advice do a start page search and check out the smartphone apps now I want to tell you what I do when I'm at the beach if you're gonna rent a room or a cabana Close to a beach for more than a couple of days It's a good idea to find the nearest good sized hardware store or grocery store and buy yourself a cheap Plastic beach chair and a cheap beach umbrella, too The both of them should cost no more than 15 to 25 bucks and all the big stores near beach towns Whether on or off the tourist track carry that stuff You know it's kind of the reverse of Ross Perot's big sucking sound in this case

[24:42] It's a tidal wave of trashy products coming from China like beach chairs, so why do you want to buy one? That's because if you're at a beach resort anywhere in the world Basically if you're not staying at a hotel that provides beach chairs for the guests You're gonna pay from five to twenty bucks a day to rent one even more in high-volume tourist areas like Costa Rica and Panama So on day one or right before you get there you buy yourself a beach chair and a beach umbrella Use it for a week or two or for however long you're there Then when you're about to leave you can either be a nice guy and give it away to some other hapless tourists or sell it basically for what you paid for it and at night you just park it outside your hotel room or your Cabana or you can forget about what I just said and pay 70 bucks or more a week for the privilege of sitting on the

[25:28] beach Now to finish off this little segment I want to talk about a little guilty pleasure that a lot of expats like me Indulge in and that's preparing and drinking the world-class coffee you get down here for like five bucks a pound the stuff that Starbucks sells for 50 But you know when you travel a lot like me and you want your morning cafe mocha de java You hate to roll out of bed and run over to a restaurant or pay those room service charges You really want a cup in your room before you face the world, you know, so how do you do that? Well, you buy yourself the best coffee in the world for five bucks a pound and you get yourself a tiny one cup Unbreakable French press coffee maker and stick it in your travel kit now The one I use is a $20 Bonjour model using non BPA plastic for the housing and inside

[26:17] There's a stainless steel press now if you know about making good coffee You know that the French press method is about the second best way to do it The best being a very expensive high-quality espresso machine with a brass boiler But second best is good enough for me when I'm traveling. So how big is this thing? It's only six inches tall and three inches wide. That's provided you remove the pouring handle get a bit of it You don't need it So if you're on a week or a two-week trip Let's say you pack a quarter pound of the world's best coffee and in the morning when you wake up Just go to the hotel front desk or kitchen ask them for a hot cup of water and believe me They'll always give it to you No questions asked then you walk it back to your room throw it into your French press and voila in about three or four minutes

[27:04] You've got the second best cup of coffee in the whole world and as an added benefit if you're staying at a rather nice hotel It's a way you can really save some money And the thing is even if coffee and breakfast is included skip that bitter crud you get from the bun Perculator and bring your own French press down and do it yourself And it's not nuts or eccentric when you have the best coffee in the world at rock-bottom prices You might as well take advantage of it. If you don't it would be like visiting Cuba and never trying a cojiba down Mexico way That's what I've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America Coming to you each week from somewhere south of the border and don't forget you can email me on anything at all about Latin America The expat files at gmail.com

[27:51] See you next time