#228 – The Expat Files: Decameron, Legal Warnings, and Life in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder My thoughts ever straight Hi everybody I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files Living in Latin America the show that tells you what it's really like to live work play and or retire in Latin America I tell it just like it is so let's get started Well now I want to talk about something I've been meaning to hit on for a couple of shows now, but I just been way too busy I'm talking about that all-inclusive the camera on resort thing that I spoke about a few shows ago in a lot of detail I spoke about how you could sign up for a special

[00:48] Membership promotion and basically if you know what you're doing in your planet, right? You can live for an entire year for about eight thousand bucks or more at an exclusive resort All food and everything included now. I gotta say when I let that cat out of the bag I didn't know how many emails I was really gonna get and I got a ton of them But the problem is you see so many people who are sending me those emails are just asking me unreasonable things You think I'm the expert on the decamron hotel deal just because I gave an eyewitness Report on it and you want me to answer all your individual questions and give you my promise and my personal seal of approval That it's gonna work out for you. Well, you know what? I can't do that You have to come down here yourself and make your own decision. I can't guarantee anything

[01:34] I only report on things it would be like for example if I reported that I bought a Volkswagen Diesel truck for example, and I told you a bunch of really great things about it And I said for example, it gets 60 miles per gallon or for example I went 40,000 miles without ever having to replace the tires then all of a sudden some listeners send me emails saying Can you guarantee it gets 60 miles per gallon Johnny? Can you promise that and what about those tires? Am I gonna get 40,000 miles out of those two because you know Johnny if I drop 25 grand on a truck like that You better be right cuz I'm trusting you man. You're the expert Now let me explain something when I looked into that decamron membership deal right during a visit at one of those decamron All-inclusive hotels. They gave me a long spiel in Spanish and handed me an extensive contract to look over and it was in Spanish, too

[02:24] It was about eight or ten pages long and by the time I got to page two or three my eyes were glazed over It's the same thing that happens to any average person any average person that is who's not a lawyer When you're stuck with reading any kind of contract and that's when a contract is in English Imagine when one is in Spanish and guess what I'm doing next time I go down to camera I'm bringing my favorite lawyer with me so he can hash that contract out I mean my Spanish is pretty good, but I'm no lawyer and if I was I'd probably blow my brains out, you know So what I'm saying is you people who are sending me emails like that are being very unreasonable here How can I possibly guarantee you're gonna get that deal if you don't go down there yourself? Sign up and hang out and look for the girls with the clipboards sit for the presentation and hear what I heard

[03:13] First of all, you're gonna really have to know your Spanish or bring a lawyer with you now If you think I'm being unreasonable about this all I am is giving you information I am in no way connected with that hotel resort chain And if I was I'd be making a ton of money because I'd make sure I'd get commissions on all those sales But I don't and I don't want to be connected with anything like that Just like when I do my Latin American seminars. I don't sell anyone anything I don't give any pitches or any sales promotions at all. Let's leave that stuff to international living. Okay Now let me give you a little example of what kind of emails I've been getting about that decameron deal Ever since I mentioned it about a month or so ago, and you tell me if I'm being unreasonable or not by bringing this up So let me read a few excerpts now from emails so you can judge for yourself

[03:59] And I'll add my comments as I go along. Listen to this dear Johnny. I Need detailed help in ensuring that I can get the eight thousand dollar Decameron deal the one you talked about on your show if I show up for a weekend stay at the Lima Peru Radisson hotel And then the person gives me the link like I'm supposed to go there and check it all out and act like a decameron VIP membership club rep or something. Well, first of all, I have no idea what the Lima Peru Radisson hotel has to do with the Decameron, maybe it's an all-inclusive decameron resort, or maybe it's just an RCI hotel affiliate and that RCI hotel affiliate plan Well, that's a totally different thing Which would take about 15 minutes in itself to explain and it's been a couple of months since I've heard that spiel

[04:48] So I don't remember the details either Listen, there's 40 something decameron resorts, and I've only been to ones in Colombia Panama and Salvador So I can only give you information about those and even though I've been going to those resorts for eight or ten years now The only time anyone ever approached me with that offer was at the one in El Salvador The only thing I can figure is that they never approached me at any of the other Decameron's because they thought I was a gringo and couldn't speak any Spanish and therefore couldn't understand what they were offering and couldn't do The deal I kind of figured just for that reason they avoid gringos altogether Okay, let me excerpt another part of this email The person says those decameron chains have resorts that you talked about at several much smaller hotels like the Radisson in Lima

[05:37] Peru we can stay at the Radisson Hotel in Peru, but I get the feeling we are in for a real letdown I mean, I don't see the girls with the clipboards running around those smaller hotels Like you mentioned in your show now I should explain that it's those girls with the clipboards that come up to you at the Decameron and ask you if you'd like to listen to a spiel about getting a membership So that's what this email is referring to when they mention the girls with the clipboards in case you didn't know Well, you know what? Let me repeat I've never been to those decameron so I can't tell you if there's girls running around with clipboards or not I don't know if they're offering those membership deals like they are at the ones I visited Then this person's email goes on to say I really do not want to be disappointed if I schedule a weekend at let's say

[06:26] The Radisson Peru, which is one of their properties, but not a resort under the decameron web pages Okay, so this person says it's not in the decameron web pages Well, if it's not then how am I supposed to know what kind of deals they offer or don't offer if it's not in the web Pages and I've never been there then you know as much about it as I do Geez Louise, that's what my mother would say but expat Eddie would be a little more harsh And then this person in the email gives me the link to the decameron web pages Like I'm supposed to go there and figure it all out and report back. You know, well, let me tell you something right now I listened to the decameron membership spiel not once but on two different days for an hour at a shot I looked at the contract and read maybe the first three pages of it

[07:13] But it was a big one and they wouldn't give it to me unless I signed up I wanted to take it along but they wouldn't let me they said it's against their policy now maybe that's a red flag or maybe not and that's why next time I'm bringing a lawyer down with me because He wants to sign up too if it's all what it's cracked up to be So here's the deal when I eventually get back to the decameron who knows when that's gonna be I'm in no rush. It might be three months six months or even a year from now Anyway, I will get back there with my friendly trusted lawyer in tow and after that if he gives me the nod We'll both sign up and that'll be it and I'll report back to you guys However, if you guys are in such a rush to sign up for that program right now, I mean you really feel you have to do it Now, well, you know what?

[07:58] You can just send me an email and I'll hook you up with my lawyer and he'll take a ride down with you Of course, you'll have to pay his way and you'll have to pay his fees and naturally there are third world fees Not first world fees which makes him about a quarter to a fifth of what should pay for a lawyer up in the first world And because I trust this guy and vouch for him 100% you can be absolutely sure that he'll steer you in the right direction However, if you offered to come down here and pay my way to the decameron and buy me drinks and stuff Well on second thought you won't have to buy me drinks and stuff because it's an all-inclusive Anyway, that still won't help because I'd like to have the lawyers suss out the contract before I sign on a dotted line Too and by the way I've had a number of people email me offering to pay my way to a Decameron in all my expenses so I could lead them by the hand through that process too

[08:47] But I've turned them down because I just can't stop what I'm doing and head out to a decameron at the drop of a hat Even I have a kind of a life and somewhat of a schedule too And the bottom line is if you don't speak passable Spanish, you want a lawyer and not me Well, actually you want me and a lawyer that way you'd have expert legal advice and a designated driver because you know Drinks are free at the Decameron and you know lawyers and open bars Come to think of it expats and open bars are a pretty lethal combination, too But here's the point. I don't want to be responsible for anyone paying 8100 bucks or whatever kind of deal you make with the Decameron people. It's completely up to you I make no claims and I guarantee nothing except in my own case I can only tell you what happened to me now, you see it seems like from a lot of the emails

[09:36] I'm getting People are putting the success or failure of this Decameron thing all on my shoulders They think because I'm endorsing it right now that I'm giving it some kind of a personal guarantee And we all know that there are certain people who are never satisfied with anything. In fact back in Chicago I know some people in my own family who'd complain if they won the lottery They'd say what only one million why couldn't it have been two and with this Decameron thing? I can just picture those folks now Johnny you told me this or you told me that the towels aren't fluffy and it just goes Too loud and they don't have sushi on Thursdays and the internet sucks blah blah blah. Oh and speaking of the internet I've got a lot of emails from people asking me how fast and how good the wideband internet is at the Decameron

[10:22] Well, you know what? I say go there and check it out for yourself. How the hell am I supposed to know? What am I the Decameron answer man? And by the way, just to set the record straight I would have paid the 8100 bucks there But I didn't have cash on me and I don't pay for things by credit card And I did offer to wire transfer the money the next day and they did agree to that But they weren't gonna give me the 8100 dollar deal. It was something more like 10 or 11 grand if I did it that way I know it sounds ridiculous, but I couldn't talk them out of it And now I know what you're thinking now, I'm saying I'd like to bring my lawyer and review the contract Well, I am gonna do it that way next time and yes it does sound like a contradiction since I was gonna pay the 8100 bucks up front before and Sure, you're thinking why didn't I think of getting a lawyer back then? I was so willing to pony up the dough

[11:11] Why was I so willing at first shot to jump into the deal and now second time around? I'm talking about bringing a lawyer. Well, that's because if I spend 8100 bucks I know I'm gonna get my money's worth because I'm down here and I've got a couple of dozen Decammerons to choose from and they're all pretty close by I don't have to fly in from Cleveland and spend 700 to 1500 bucks on airfare every time I want to pop down for a couple of weeks or even a couple of months if And when I buy into the Decammeron, I'm not gonna be retiring there. Not yet. That's for sure I'll actually be using it as a vacation getaway scheme Whereas a lot of you folks who are sending me emails are actually thinking about using it as your retirement plan Which is cool enough But as for now you and I have different long-term goals about how we want to use it and as for my case

[12:03] Even if something did go sour and somehow I couldn't get bookings or was unhappy with the way it was turning out What's 8100 bucks to me? It's not the end of the world. It's not gonna put a dent in my lifestyle You know when I was back in Chicago I lost a lot more money than that on stupid business deals and schemes My relatives talked me into you know the story so losing 8100 bucks Well, that's not gonna drive me to eat cat food. Not as long as I live in latin america That's for sure Now I don't know what your situation is But if 8100 bucks is a huge amount of money for you and you can't afford to lose it Then maybe you shouldn't stick out your neck at all Because you have to be a little bit of a risk taker to even think of coming down to live here in the first place Don't you think? And if losing 8100 bucks or part of 8100 bucks is gonna break the bank or turn you into a nervous wreck

[12:54] Then I guess you should stay back up in cleveland So the bottom line is like I said i'm in no big hurry to buy into it, but i'm about 90 percent certain I will Oh and by the way a couple of expat friends of mine who I told about the deal are absolutely ready to sign up themselves And they'll come along with me and our lawyer friend on our next decameron trip But the funny thing is this a few weeks ago They were at a hair salon run by a couple of expat gringos and the subject just happened to come up and the lady Hairstylist said hey We were approached with that deal too Last time we were at the decameron only we didn't want to pay the 8100 bucks and they made us a half price offer Which worked out to 4 000 is something but they cut the point total in half

[13:41] Which works out to about a half a year of decameron living over a 10-year period instead of a full year over a 20-year period But I guess some of you will have to go back a month or two to the two shows I did on that Decameron membership to know what i'm talking about What with points and time limits and restrictions and high and low season and rci affiliates and 100 extra incidentals I do cover some of that stuff. So if you're interested check it out Now like that hairdresser expat couple. I can't guarantee that you'll get a half price offer of four grand like they did I have no idea whether they'll give that to you or not, but it happened to them and it sounds logical And here's another little piece of information about the decameron that just came up during my recent seminar

[14:28] This person ran into a friend from columbia And when she mentioned the decameron to the columbian the columbian was a bit surprised and said how'd you know about that? Like it was something only latins knew about which is actually the truth So anyway, you guys who are interested in the decameron and a lot of people are you got to go down yourself You've got to be able to speak spanish And it looks like you've got to go to one of their big all-inclusive resorts Not a smaller hotel complex. That's not part of the membership club system And so far i've given you all the information I have so don't ask me any more questions about it Please go down and see for yourself. Go ahead take a chance What have you got to lose the worst that can happen is that you'll get a very nice cheap all-inclusive vacation out of it

[15:16] And i'll tell you right now you're going to get very little information about that membership deal off the internet I found practically nothing myself, but here's another piece of information I have a gringo friend who owns a hotel and a lot of properties in panama city panama now You know, I don't recommend that place because it's heavily on the gringo tourist trail and very expensive. Anyway, he's got his investments there He doesn't live there anymore though. He can stay at his own hotel anytime. He wants of course Well, he told me about the decameron in panama and because it's on the expensive gringo tourist trail He says the occasional dumb gringos buy into the plan for up to twenty thousand bucks the exact same one They've offered me for eight grand Obviously green gringos on the tourist trail don't know how to haggle that's for sure

[16:02] Anyway, my expat friend who owns that hotel and by the way, he's been down here over 30 years He told me that the decameron in panama actually has two separate membership plans One plan that includes all the 40 plus decameron resorts and those five thousand or so rci hotel affiliates And there's another much cheaper membership plan that only allows you to go to one specific decameron Aimed at the locals who prefer to stay close to home So obviously they select the decameron that's closest to where they live and my expat hotel owner friend Tells me that stupid gringos in panama who hook up with that plan don't really know enough spanish to use it properly So there you go again You really have to have good command of your spanish

[16:49] Or you're more than likely going to miss out on some of the better details of the plan So if your spanish sucks don't ask me for advice ask a spanish speaking lawyer And that's what I have to say about the decameron deal right now But stay tuned i'm sure there'll be more Oh, and by the way regarding those people pounding me with emails about the decameron plan Can you believe it some people have actually asked me If when they die they can pass on their decameron membership to their family or anyone else in their will and if not Can they transfer the points to somebody else? Now how in the hell am I supposed to know that? And others have asked me if their kids or relatives could come to visit them on some kind of a day pass Oh, come on you get what I mean. Sorry, but I am not the decameron answer man enough said about that for now

[17:39] Now i'd like to talk a little bit about latins and doing business down here in latin america off the tourist trail Of course on second thought this applies to when you're on the tourist trail, too Now one observation i've made about latins in general the ones that go into business That is is that they seem like they do absolutely no advanced planning or market analysis at all I can't begin to tell you how many times i've talked to latins who say Johnny as soon as I get my ducks in a row or I get a little more money or I get a partner Or when I get my degree I'm going to open a restaurant or a bakery or a flower shop or a disco and they do it sometimes But they never give a thought to the competition or even the location They put in a restaurant or a hardware store or a flower shop where there are already too many restaurants flower shops and hardware stores

[18:27] They think all you have to do is open your doors and the people are going to come It's like the most ass backwards way of doing business you've ever seen And still even when there are too many pool halls or restaurants in the area when a new one pops up It seems to be hard to kill not like in the states where nine out of ten businesses fail within the first or second year Down here off the tourist trail, especially overhead rents taxes labor and other expenses are so low A lot of businesses can hang on by the skin of their teeth for years on end Even educated latins with business and management and marketing degrees often don't have a clue They're not big on market research either. They still start their businesses by throwing a dart at the map You got to wonder what the hell they teach them in school So you expat wannabes who are thinking about coming down here and going into business those latin business owners who started with no

[19:18] specific business plan or any direction in mind They're your competition now That's not to say that every expat who comes down here and starts a business is so brilliant either Because i'll tell you what when you're on the tourist trail like in panama costa rica cancun in so many other places Stupid gringos and first world expats are opening up bars restaurants hotels and bakeries in heavily saturated places, too So here's latin american business rule number one for expats your competition should never be gringos or other first world expats So how do expats succeed in business without really trying? One when latins are your competition two when you've found a niche that no one's filled yet And three when you're the first to bring a product down that's been heavily advertised up in the first world

[20:05] What I mean is latins have been exposed to the product on us cable tv, which is all over the place down here subtitled of course Like for example in the last two or three years There's been a gigantic explosion in laser treatment centers for women Like laser hair removal called dipolacion down here You see five years ago even in the big cities this stuff just didn't exist now every day in every big city newspaper There are six or seven ads for laser hair removal advertising first world techniques, of course and machines that come from the states Okay, now it's time to change direction completely I just got an email from a lady asking me about abortions down here She says johnny in such a catholic society how are abortions viewed and how easy or hard is it to actually get one?

[20:55] Yeah, you're right. It's very catholic down here and abortions are viewed with huge distaste Which is why latin america has one of the lowest percentages of abortions for any society in the world And conversely why they have such a high birth rate And yes about a third of the 20 latin american countries have strict rules against abortion But the fact is they are available if a woman wants one Most any gynecologist down here in latin america will most likely advise against it But they'll slyly lead you to the right place if you're persistent They don't give a damn about what the government says they can find a way to arrange it, but they won't advertise it That's for sure The fact is since 50 to 60 percent of latins can't afford medical treatment of really any kind on 300 bucks a month

[21:42] That's why you can find midwives in every middle and lower middle class neighborhood Midwives do big business delivering babies down here, especially with the lower classes and the indigenous people But some of them are available for abortions too though that isn't publicized either But like I said, there's very little abortion activity going on and all down here Even in cases of rape and incest and that's because of that 500 years of catholic dominance That means if a woman or a girl is pregnant and she's not married. She still has the baby If she's 12 years old and gets pregnant She still has the baby if the boyfriend or husband abandons her she still has the baby I've been down here more than 20 years now and i've never met A single person who's had an abortion and not that they'd admit it if they did

[22:29] However, if someone in the neighborhood or in the family had one The word would certainly get around and there'd be a stigma and a black cloud over that woman the rest of her life Oh, and by the way, an abortion is called an aborto here in latin america and just one more thing about abortos Over the last 10 or so years first world women activists have come down here to latin america usually educated latinas Coming down to help the cause for women's rights Anyway, they've come down to a number of big latin american cities and have established abortion hotlines in countries like chile and argentina Venezuela and peru where women who are in trouble can get advice and information about that abortion pill called metha pristone up in the states And the reason why that drug is available down here in latin america at all is because its primary use is to treat ulcers

[23:21] So some pharmacies do stock it and it's not illegal So anyway, just know that as far as women's rights in general, there's a huge lag time effect down here But little by little women are catching on And now here's something that you expats and expat wannabes have to keep in mind a few weeks ago I went to visit one of my longtime expat friends who lives in a very nice garden community in el soledore No, it wasn't expat eddie's house, but an expat friend who lives in his subdivision Anyway, when I pulled up in front of his house, I noticed there was a furniture truck park there My friend was getting a furniture delivery from an upscale furniture store And when I walked along the side of the house I noticed in the backyard stacked up on a cement slab practically the whole living room full of his old furniture In fact, it wasn't really old furniture at all. He'd only had it maybe three or four years

[24:09] And the last I remember it was in very good condition almost new and as I recall because it was leather It was pretty expensive. So then i'm thinking why is he getting rid of this stuff? It looks pretty nice Maybe he'll let me have it Then my friend came out of the house with a sad look on his face He put his hand behind his head in anguish and he said johnny remember that show you did about water damage in the house I should have listened to that show Then he told me he'd been out of the country for just four days And when he came back and rolled into his driveway He saw a little trickle of water coming out from under his front door And as he walked across the front yard, the grass was soggy and it was the dry season Then he thought oh no a pipe must have burst or I sprung a leak somewhere And then he rushed into the house and guess what the toilet in his guest room on the second floor

[25:00] Had never stopped filling up from the last flush The tank filled up the water made its way onto the floor and dripped through the living room ceiling Where it eventually made a steady drip drip drip on his nice leather furniture in his living room So not only did about 2,500 bucks with a furniture get completely ruined But also two nice custom throw rugs one in the living room and one in the dining room, too So I repeat when you're in latin america before you leave the house Even if you're leaving for a couple of hours make sure that your toilets aren't running from the last flush Now I have to tell you that's a big problem down here and I mentioned it in a past show How many of these toilets come from brazil and venezuela and mexico and a flushing mechanism is just well crap

[25:49] What we've got down here are crappy crappers now the porcelain part of the toilets are well made But it's the flushing mechanism inside that are junk So all you got to do is to go to a big hardware or plumbing store and buy one of those american made toilet kits for about 10 to 20 bucks like a fluid master kit or any of the ones that give you a five year to lifetime guarantee Then rip out the guts from inside the tank of your toilet and put that new system in And by the way, if you're gonna leave the house for more than a couple of days at a time It's a very very good idea to turn the water valve off at the meter outside of your house Or at least turn it way down so it's not at full pressure And why is that a good idea? Well, I can tell you from my own personal experience Once I was laying back on a sofa at about 11 at night, and I thought I heard the hiss of water

[26:39] spraying Somewhere in the house and sure enough in the bathroom downstairs One of the flexible feed pipes under the sink had split just a bit and was spraying water inside the cabinet under the sink Now if I hadn't been in the house at the time after a couple hours, I would have had a real big problem So once again turn off your water main valve outside or dial the pressure way down and don't forget to replace the mechanism in your toilet tanks and third Do not I repeat do not under any circumstances have wall-to-wall carpets in your house Sure It's all right to have a few throw rugs here and there something you could easily take outside and hang out on a clothes line But never and I mean never have wall-to-wall carpeting installed and not because of the odd water leak either The cleanup after that is nothing compared to what you'll have to go through when the moisture and the mildew

[27:29] And the tropical insect colonies move in south of the border down mexico way You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america Coming to you each week from somewhere south of the border and don't forget you can email me on anything at all about latin america the expat files at gmail.com See you next time most famous Ah