#253 – The Expat Files: Teaching in Latin America, Economic Realities, and Political Corruption

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder My thoughts ever straight Hi everybody I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files Living in Latin America the show that tells you what it's really like to live work play and or retire in Latin America I tell it just like it is so let's get started Now I want to get started today by clarifying a few things about teaching English or any other subject down here in Latin America Now I'm bringing this up because just recently Richard Martin had a guy on his show an expat

[00:46] Who's been teaching English for 20 or even 30 years down in South Korea? And he explained pretty well all the details on how you could go about doing that, too Though he neglected to hit on a few important points, which is why I'm bringing it up anyway While the guy was on Richard Martin show a few callers chimed in asking how you get certified to do that since being certified I guess is a requirement for teaching English in Asia now He mentioned getting a certified ESL certificate That's an English as a second language certificate That would take a hundred hours generally about six months to do in your spare time And he said you could do that over the internet in the States Then when you had that certificate down you could apply directly for teaching jobs in foreign countries right over the net And he gave some details on how to get a work permit and how to change your tourist visa to a working visa

[01:36] Since that's also a requirement because when you enter any country you're entering on a tourist visa And you can't work not legally anyway now I just want to mention here that doing the teaching thing down in Latin America is infinitely easier believe me first of all Let me tell you you don't have to have a teaching certificate or an ESL certification that English has a second language thing So you don't need that hundred hours or that six months of preparation now of course that would be nice and an extra piece of support Paperwork to bring down with you, but it's not necessary at all And the guy mentioned that there are tons of specific Websites you can check where they can hook you up with teaching jobs before you even step foot in the country Which really sounds great since then you don't have to fumble around in a brand new country Not knowing anyone or anything and probably not even knowing the language, but let me warn you a little bit on that

[02:27] Nothing is for nothing you think these guys who are running those English website services are doing it out of the goodness of their hearts You think they're out to advance the cause of English literacy in third world countries, maybe uh-huh They're gonna get a piece or a percentage of every recruit like you Which means you can always make a better deal for yourself if you do it direct by contacting the school college or university Yourself and you could do that from up in Cleveland to instead of going through a third party That's gonna take a cut and I mentioned how you could do that on a previous show a long time ago By going on the internet and checking out the one ads in the big Latin American newspapers So the first step of your plan is to pick the city that you want to teach in and check out the nearest big city Newspaper in that area and you're gonna find plenty of help wanted ads in English recruiting native English speakers like you

[03:18] For primary secondary high school even the university level in fact I have a big stack of English teacher want ads myself that I show at my Latin American seminars Just to prove the point and most of these ads even say right in them that you need a university degree of some kind But they don't ask for a teaching certificate or even Experience in most cases and even if they do ask for first world experience which some of them do not all by any means You could easily buffalo your way through that one now Couldn't you since there's really no way in the world they could actually check your references in fact? I know a number of expat gringos who came down and started off with teaching jobs like that and they provided their own bogus References that no one ever checked on now I'm not saying you should be dishonest about it, but that's what happens down here

[04:07] It turns out that part of the gringle advantage that you have is that the locals totally accept gringos at their word That means a nice reference on good stationery from a place up in the first world goes a long long way believe me So the question is how are you at photoshop? But seriously I remember some years ago in Costa Rica when the internet was very young back Then one of my expat buddies said Johnny. I got the job, but I've never taught English. I've never taught anything What am I gonna? Do how do I get started? Well he managed to muddle through and guess what he stayed on that job six years and got promoted to department head But these days he wouldn't even have had to ask me that question since on the internet You can download complete sets of teacher lesson plans on any subject at any grade level absolutely free

[04:58] Anyway when it comes to teaching English in Latin America It's all about checking the one ads and they'll be in English and of course the majority of those ads will be for private schools Where their rich kids go they're the bubble kids the kids whose parents have money and helicopters and bodyguards and the young kids Themselves have the latest designer clothes and iPods and iPads and pink blackberries They go with their mommies and daddies to shop a couple of times a year in Miami Even though they can get all the styles and fashions down here, but that's a topic for another show anyway You know the type or maybe you don't not if you live in Cleveland Well a lot of them are entitled and spoiled because their maids do everything for them So if you can handle kids and parents like that no problem that it's more or less like teaching in a snooty ass prep school

[05:47] Up north you know when the 10 year old students toys are worth more than your car anyway Unless you're down here teaching at one of those English academies like Oxford English or Berlitz and they're franchised So they're everywhere and if you work there you'll make five bucks an hour Working about 15 hours a week only then will you have students of all kinds adults and kids? But if you don't work at one of those academies and instead you opt for a private school You're gonna be teaching a lot of spoiled entitled kids though, of course, they're not all like that But one thing's for sure they've all grown up with maids 24-7 and they've all been more or less spoiled by them you and I would be too But that's not the way life is in Chicago or Cleveland So if you're gonna be an English teacher, those are some of the little annoyances you're gonna have to put up with

[06:35] One another thing since these are 100% bilingual private schools You will not have to know a lick of Spanish and don't think you're just gonna be teaching English Not if you're at an exclusive private school That is the fact is most of the teachers recruited think they're gonna be teaching English And in fact, they'll end up being recruited to teach science or geography or history in English Of course a hundred percent English and it doesn't matter what kind of degree you have you could have a history degree or mathematics or Geology degree or even a degree that qualifies you to work at Walmart or flip burgers at McDonald's or Wendy's like philosophy degree Psychology or art history degree down here It doesn't matter a bit and by the way, nothing against philosophy or psychology or home economics or economics majors

[07:22] I mean, you really got to feel sorry for some of those guys Obviously somewhere along the line. They got some really bad advice No one told him they were looking at minimum wage if they could get a job at all. Good thing There is welfare food stamps and a safety net, right? Yeah, don't worry if you make bad life choices your government will save you. Yeah, and God bless America Uncle Sam and our savior Obama, right? He'll get us out of this mess Why Matt Damon and George Clooney and all our Hollywood heroes promised he would and if you believe that you deserve What you're gonna get real soon when the next big blowout comes while you're sitting on that couch watching Reruns of the Walking Dead up in Cleveland because you know what you stay up there and you will be the Walking Dead

[08:08] And that's why people with a brain people who actually read and investigate things people who check out Alternative news sources and not your standard media. They really do want to get the hell out of the first world But I digress as usual. What was I talking about? Anyway? Oh, yeah teaching English in Latin America anyway over the years I've known quite a few expat teachers who end up teaching a very long time at one of these private schools and they seem to Enjoy it and they first came down here many years ago bumming around his backpackers and ended up teaching Basically making a career out of it without even having a plan for a lot of expats It's a stepping stone and for others. It's a lifestyle Now here's a little secret

[08:53] I shouldn't be telling you this but some of these guys don't even have college degrees sure they went two or three years But never got their full credits in and some went to junior colleges or tech schools and only have associate degrees In many cases that seems to be alright, too Depends on what the ad says in the paper how desperate the school is for a native English speaker And what kind of line of BS you give them? No joke, I'm serious. Remember in Latin America even more so than in the first world first impressions are everything Now get this a lot of times the newspaper ad will say native English speakers wanted no Spanish Necessary now you might be thinking they're recruiting for schools Well, sometimes they are but most of the time when you see an ad like that

[09:40] They're actually recruiting native first world English speakers like you for call center jobs down here But not on the grunt worker floor where you're actually talking to people with a headset on if you get hired there What you'll be doing as a native English speaker is you'll be training the bad Habits out of the locals who speak about 70 or 80 percent English the ones that will be grunt workers Working on the main floor with the headsets only you're gonna be the one putting them through training sessions before they actually hit the floor And you'll be periodically training the ones who are already on the floor polishing their English in bad accents So that when people call the Sears or the pennies customer service department They don't think they're talking to a Mexican drug lord and you might not believe this But there are so many call centers down here

[10:25] Especially in Central America that you can get a job like that in a second In fact, I know an expat or two just knocked on the door at one of these big call center buildings walked in and in about 20 minutes had a second tier teaching job just like that and they even gave him a sign-up bonus of 500 bucks And if you're a good diligent decent worker You can work your way up the ladder to middle management positions if that's what you're looking for now These regular grunt worker call center jobs on the floor with the headset They pay about three to four hundred bucks a month and there's a huge turnover from burnout on that job Most people can only handle that kind of pressure for six months or so and expats don't want jobs like that Although if you really weren't desperate straights You could walk in and get a job like that in about three minutes. Now that call center teaching job

[11:14] I'm talking about pays about five to six hundred bucks a month, which is definitely poverty level crappy But I'm telling you right now You're not even gonna make that working at one of those illustrious private schools with kids and parents of the helicopter crowd They may have tons of money and the schools are very nice in first world But they still pay just a little more than the going rate for public school teachers here So teaching don't expect to make more than four or five hundred a month to start But I also know that if you work at one of these call centers and you bump up to middle management Which believe me is very easy for a gringo to do then you could make even a thousand bucks a month Which is dire poverty up in the states But down here nearly upper middle class by their standards And that's why if you come down here on a social security check making 14 or 1500 bucks a month

[12:02] You could live just like you did up in the first world when you had a real first world salary coming in Well, and by the way, if you're thinking right now of coming down and hitting that call center job market Like I'm talking about just remember when you get in there It's like a rat race You're really working for the man and I really don't think that's what most expats are coming down here for those call centers are like Peoplemills they grind you down They've got deadlines and quotas to meet and there's a revolving door of grunt level people coming in and out all the time However, a lot of backpackers and disgruntled first world teachers I know end up taking jobs like that at least for some period of time and speaking of dire straits I do get a lot of emails from people saying Johnny What happens if I get down there and I've sold everything off and I run out of dough Before I find that great idea that gets me started in business Johnny. I'm more than a little afraid

[12:51] I understand there's no safety net down there no unemployment and no welfare At least if I'm up in the States and fall in my ass I'm not gonna starve and I'll have a place to sleep Of course, I've listened to all your shows and I really want to come down to Latin America I'm convinced it's the best thing for me to do in the long run But I'm worried that it just won't work out for me. And then what you know what I'm talking about fear of the unknown So yes I do get occasional emails from expat wannabes like that with various degrees of that fear factor going on in the back of their minds Well here you should consider what I just said about getting a teaching job or a job at one of these call centers You're never gonna starve down here because as an absolute last resort if you run out of dough You can always get a teaching job in like one day

[13:40] Basically, all you have to do is walk into the place look clean and presentable and you've got the job Which means backpackers take note and take a bath cut off the dreads lose the nose ring Ditch the jesus sandals and the bob marley t-shirt put on a sports jacket and borrow a tie and you're in And that's how green expats and backpackers without a clue can survive for indefinite periods of time Until you have that great idea and can start your own business and get rolling on your own thing or not Now I understand that there's certain kinds of gringos out there who prefer working for the man Who just don't want to get involved in a business at all because for them there's a fear factor involved there, too You know, I do see a lot of that with backpackers and gringo tourists and new expats with those oh so useful philosophy

[14:29] psychology and poli sci degrees that I was talking about now a great many gringos with those wonderful degrees do not have a flare for Business they do end up working for the man as a school teacher at a call center Or as a bartender at a first world hotel or expat bar There's some people that just don't have it in them to be their own boss. Well, you know, there's nothing wrong with that I know a lot of very happy expat teachers who've been doing it for 10 or 15 years and sure They don't have maids and gardeners and swimming pools and such Can't have all that on five or six hundred bucks a month But these guys and gals are infinitely happier doing the teaching thing down here and living in paradise Then teaching in cincinnati and living for the weekend Oh, and by the way, I started by talking about the guy that showed up on richard martin's show talking about teaching in asia

[15:17] And specifically south korea. Well one thing he never mentioned what english teachers get paid there Not only that he never mentioned what the cost of living is down there in south korea compared to a teacher's salary Now that would have been interesting and much more topical because that's after all what we're all concerned about the cost of living, right? And by the way regarding teaching jobs down here All you have to do is come down with your regular tourist visa of 90 days And once you get that job teaching at a school or at a call center or whatever Your boss there or the management will arrange your work visa for you You won't have to do a thing except show up at the proper government office with the school's lawyer Generally and sign a few forms and maybe give up your fingerprints and you're in

[16:03] Okay, let's move on to another subject now I also get a lot of people asking me how gringos and expats survived down here with all the government corruption Well, my answer always is that latin governments are tiny compared to governments in the first world though. There are a few exceptions Here government workers are lazy do nothings and they sit on their fat asses all day long And when congress is in session, they're really not in session because half of the congressmen just don't show up They're out shopping and at restaurants and enjoying the largess of their position Which is good because they rarely get a quorum. So they're not passing laws The legislation they pass is minuscule compared to the barrage of laws that are being passed up in the first world every day

[16:51] I'll tell you these congressmen and cabinet members and politicians down here are so busy feeding at their own trough That you and I will never really cross paths with them unless because of your gringo advantage you get invited to one of their events Then you too can enjoy the endless fruits of the public trough for a few hours Anyway, they run in their own pathetic circles and when you go out to a nice restaurant You'll see that as soon as you get in the parking lot a half a dozen bulletproof SUVs and a bodyguard brigade and it really is a pathetic joke these politicians trying to out bodyguard each other meanwhile the average bodyguard in a three-piece suit with earbuds has about a seventh grade education and you know That's a fact when you see one of these big black suv pull over and the bodyguards Whip it out and take a pee for all to see right then and there and you know

[17:39] It doesn't affect them one bit if you roll your window down and say shuko, which means like dirty pig They're unaffected by that. But if you yell something like Tanchi kita which means man your thing is little well You better step on it and get out of there in a hurry because them is fighting words Remember guys like that live and breathe macho, but it works. You ought to try it sometime Just roll your window down and yell tanchi kita And speaking of corruption Let me just read you something from a big latin paper. It says here that the country of guadamala has 332 Municipalities and each one of those has a mayor called an alcalde and right now 52 of those mayors that's one out of six mayors is being criminally

[18:26] Prosecuted or indicted right now all 52 are facing multiple charges ranging from money laundering Hiring phantom employees theft and or misuse of public funds transferring public money into personal and private bank accounts abuse of authority and of course theft and money laundering now according to this article the number of mayors facing Chargers in guadamala is actually over 150 and the other hundred or so they're former mayors Now it says here too according to a guadamala and supreme court justice He says that in reality these cases will go nowhere Stating that since he's been a supreme court justice nine years only one out of 150 mayors brought up on criminal charges

[19:12] Has ever gone to jail? Oh, and by the way, I have to add that in the past four years five Guatemalan mayors past and present were actually prosecuted and jailed not for corruption But for murder or attempted murder guess who their victims were all of them were politically Connected opponents and I say three cheers for that let these political jerks blow themselves off the face of the earth They deserve no less, but as far as them getting in your hair, well, that's just not gonna happen So don't ever worry about that when it comes to expats. It's a non-issue When I got to mention something else now when you're driving through Latin America You'll often see five or ten people lined up at a public phone booth Yeah public phone booths still exist down here

[19:59] And you know it used to be five or ten years ago when all the phone systems were owned by the government Only about one in five public phone booths actually worked and back then the lines at those public phones were sometimes 20 deep and you know I firmly believe that's why Latins have such patience Because lines at government offices banks and telephone booths tend to be so long Sometimes you'll truly have to wait two or three hours just to get a stamp on a piece of paper Anyway after having about ten generations of that going on people are totally accustomed to standing around with their thumbs up their butt Without complaint because it does no good, which is why Latins have infinite patience the lone exception to that However is when they're behind the wheel of a car

[20:45] Anyway, even now there are always a few people waiting in line in front of public phone booths And these days the phone booths actually work because the phones are privatized in most countries Unlike back in the battle days of government ownership back then maybe only one in four public phones actually worked Yet you have to wonder why people are still using public phones here if cell phone service is so ubiquitous I mean, everyone's got one even guys in the boonies Holland firewood on their packs That goes for shoeshine boys and indigenous ladies carrying baskets full of tortillas on their heads, too They all have cell phones then why so much action at the public phone booth? It's because even though cell phone service down here in Latin America in most countries is dirt cheap

[21:34] For example, if you do your homework, you could pay about six or seven cents a minute for a prepaid phone So why use that public phone? Well, that's because throughout Latin America They're all still coin operated phones and in most of these countries You can still get a minute of phone time for about two to three US cents Which is about 50% cheaper than the lowest rate you can get on a cell phone But I wouldn't recommend a gringo or an expat use one of those unless it's an absolute emergency since they're pretty scummy and terribly Unsanitary, which I guess is pretty much the same for public phones in Chicago and Cleveland too. Now. That's what I've heard anyway Now on another subject I don't know if I've mentioned this before but when I was in Cartagena, Columbia a month or so ago

[22:19] I sat about three hours at the gate waiting for a late plane to arrive with some friends and family coming in from Chicago And I ended up sitting around with not much to do So I got to talking to one of their versions of a TSA agent You know the guys that go through your bags and check you out when you're going through the airport and believe me Even though Columbia has such a reputation for drugs and narcotics The TSA there or their version of it is like the US TSA without the claws the venom the arrogance and the jerk factor Anyway, as the planes are coming in and the people are getting off I noticed that there's a hell of a lot of Europeans coming in for vacations and whatever and not many US citizens Comparatively at all in fact Canada which has about one-tenth the population of the US has maybe three or four times as many

[23:09] Visitors and tourists then US tourists are visitors And I saw that for myself counting heads and my new friend the Colombian TSA guy He verified those low US visitor numbers, too And then after a couple of hours of hanging around there and talking with the guy he said you know what? I don't even have to know what flight a person's coming in on whether it's originating in the US or Canada or Europe He said to me I can usually tell by looking at these people just what country they're coming from He says when he and his TSA buddies are bored They make a game out of it, and they're really good at it And I said you know it can't be that hard you can tell the Canadians are kind of laid-back and calm and cool They hardly ever get flustered and the Europeans well

[23:55] They got a style of their own to a lot more shaved heads tattoos and piercings and stuff and a hell of a lot more elegant expensive backpacks Then I said to the guy as for US citizens check out the brand name sneakers They're wearing in the t-shirts You know they've always got some rock group tour schedule on them or heavy metal or sports themed shirt or an eco shirt with a toucan Or a gecko on it or some funny saying that's not so funny And my new TSA buddy stopped me and said wait a minute. It's not nearly that complicated He said all I gotta do is see the baggage scan for about two seconds I can tell right off the bat if it's an American or not and I said how's that and he said because they've always got about five or ten bottles of prescription pills and medicines and powders and nasal sprays and stuff and the Canadians and Europeans and Chinese and everyone else

[24:47] They carry nothing, but the occasional shaving kit or bug spray And then he said he can almost always tell someone from one of the former Soviet republics or Russia or Germany to Buy their luggage scans, and I said really how's that? He said they're heavy on tobacco products and light on personal hygiene items And I said wait a minute you mean the Germans too, and he said well you're right They don't smoke, but they're light on the personal hygiene stuff for sure So what did I learn from that I learned next time I'll be packing the old spice Anyway, let me give you a little rundown on what's happening on my Latin American seminar That's coming up June 23rd through June 28th now as I record this show Which is about a week and a half after I formally announced it

[25:34] It's over half filled already and like I said before I'm only allowing 24 people So we've got more than 12 with a lot of other people scrambling around trying to work out the details the flights the money and the Vacation time and all that so time's a wasting for all you guys and gals out there who want a real head start on Your own move down here to Latin America and just one more thing if you think you can't afford coming down here for the seminar You're cutting your nose off to spite your face as they say since after you're done with the seminar I guarantee you're gonna have at least a two-year head start compared to anyone else coming down here as an expat on their own You'll be learning exactly what to do and what not to do on the road to becoming a permanent expat So if you can't afford to do this or can't afford to take the time off then unfortunately

[26:21] I'm sure you're gonna find out that it's gonna be much more expensive and stressful to leave as time goes on and Unfortunately, there will come a time when your government won't let you leave at all So your window of opportunity is closing fast And if you want a real head start and hook up with a lot of like-minded people and meet some very good local and expat Connections you really should think about coming down and finally I'd like to mention that I do get invited to speak at a lot of expat events some of those big One-size-fits-all events that you hear about in Costa Rica Panama Cancun and such well don't think for one minute They haven't invited me to be a guest speaker And I always turn them down because I don't work for the man, and I don't follow the party line

[27:07] I'm down here doing my own thing, and that's why I have to do my own seminars I'm not gonna be part of someone else's especially since I'm not in total agreement with a lot of things the other guys are Presenting so again. You're never gonna see me on someone else's seminar circuit, and that's a promise so anyway Just go to expat wisdom calm and click on the Latin American seminar link and check out my upcoming event You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America Coming to you each week from somewhere south of the border and don't forget you can email me on anything at all about Latin America the expat files at gmail.com See you next time

[27:55] She was a picture