#289 – The Expat Files: Navigating Gun Laws, Domestic Violence, and Legal Advice in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America the show that tells you just what it's like to live Work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Before we get started just a brief announcement I mentioned a week or two ago that I might be doing another expat wisdom seminar in January That's four months from now probably again in Central America since as far as expat living is concerned

[00:45] We pretty much got that place all figured out and like I mentioned a few shows ago I'm compiling a list of people who are very serious about wanting to come this time I also agreed by popular demand to break this seminar cost down into three payments Since I would always receive a few emails from people who couldn't attend one of my previous seminars because they couldn't come up with The money all at once so by popular demand will break it up into three monthly payments if you like So to get on that mailing list just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And I'll get back to you with the updates Now let me start out today by saying that I still get emails every once in a while from people asking me about guns Firearms either buying them down here shipping your own down and I ought to know because I've done all of that

[01:31] I bought them down here shipped them down and carried them around legally of course and even sold a few pistols rifles and shotguns and not to worry I actually know how to use one maintain and take care of them too and no I was never in the military It's just that when I was up in Chicago I actually did take a course on gun safety and training if I remember it was about a five-hour long course But I took from a local Chicago cop sharpshooter who happened to own a gun store and shooting range now You see way back when like 30 years ago now if you bought a gun from that shop They gave you the safety course and shooting lessons for free And I didn't show up just because it was free it has to do with how I feel about gun ownership I think that one of the stupider things a person can do is go out and buy a gun Shoot a couple of rounds at a tree or some cans or a side of a barn when you're out with your buddies on a hike

[02:20] In fact back then up north I knew a lot of guys who had guns who Didn't really know how to use them in fact a very good friend of mine in my past life up north who I won't name So as not to embarrass him only to say that he's a nationally known oral surgeon well He did the stupid cliche move of all time when we were out hiking in the woods as young teenagers with our 22s He shot himself in the foot now back then when we were teenagers They just didn't have gun safety classes you learn what you did about guns back then by going out with your dad duck or deer hunting And if your dad didn't take you out well Sometimes you'd shoot yourself in the foot and believe me as much as guys don't like to admit it especially the macho ones We've all had our close calls like that and believe me after that you're the safest most cautious gun in the west

[03:09] Some of us need a close call every now and again. I mean come on What's the last time you almost rear-ended someone with your car? After you slammed on the brakes and squealed to a stop one inch from the other guy's bumper I bet for the next couple weeks. You were the best driver in Cleveland Anyway, I digress as usual so about guns down here in Latin America Here's how it breaks down as you might have figured a country like Mexico with a completely out of control group of narcos Practically running the country and the cops totally corrupt too well What do you think that government and its infinite stupidity did it banned guns for the law-abiding citizens who want to protect themselves? Which means gringos and foreigners even those foreigners who have permanent residency find it practically impossible to get a gun legally

[03:55] Now that's not to say you couldn't get one in about three minutes flat if you made a few phone calls Because there's always some guy in every neighborhood that knows how to get guns But what I'm saying is don't ever expect to be able to go to a gun shop and buy one on your own not in Mexico you won't oh sure you can buy a pellet gun or a wicked-looking paintball gun But you're not gonna get a gun legally not anymore now as for the rest of Latin America except for Cuba And you'll never be able to get a gun legally there either unless it's an antique gun with historical value And by the way you can have antique guns in Mexico too and whether it's considered an antique or not It's up to the discretion of the firearms permit folks and of course as usual since it is Latin America a little more Dita a bribe will go a long way now as far as Cuba goes no one

[04:43] But the military and the police are allowed to have a pistol or a handgun However a certain number of farmers and men living on the boonies are allowed to have a hunting rifle since protein calories are very Scarce in Cuba, but squirrels birds iguanas and snakes aren't and you know Cuba is one of the few places in the world Maybe the only place in the world with fanatically strict gun control laws That is an extremely safe place to live. It's a country that has almost no violent crime however, what you didn't know is that Cuba has a terrifically high level of Domestic violence mostly against women and it's almost always spousal abuse and since it is a macho Latin country There are about 25 to 50 years behind on women's rights issues In other words, you can still beat your wife there and get away with it and you first world ladies

[05:31] I'm gonna like this one bit either The fact is in practically every Latin country domestic violence and spousal abuse are at near epidemic levels But women rarely report it to the toothless women's rights organizations or the domestic violence division of the government Yes All Latin countries have equally toothless domestic violence bureaus to in fact I've driven by a lot of government buildings with high sounding names like that staffed by the usual lazy ass government slugs So women almost never file a complaint to the cops even when they're bloodied up and end up in the hospital and the perpetrator Which is almost always a guy never goes to jail or even goes to court much less find or convicted of anything Unless of course He actually kills his wife or girlfriend or rapes or impregnates his or a neighbor's kid and even with rape

[06:21] Most of these twisted so-called Latin family men don't end up in court or in jail unless get this they're repeat offenders So when you do on the on chance pick up a newspaper and see a guy being led away by the cops for Raping a young girl or two or three or five if you read into the article you see nearly all the time He's a repeat offender and has been doing it for years and women don't report it to the cops unless it's absolutely a life-and-death Situation because they know he'll come back mattered than ever and beat him up again And yes, that even occurs in the so-called upper wealthy educated classes In fact in all my years down here I don't think I've ever met a Latin woman who hasn't admitted to being hit by a Latin boyfriend or husband and of course I do ask a lot of questions

[07:07] But I do not ask every Latin woman I've met if she's been beat up lately And you know It's not so hard to collect that kind of information and how you get it firsthand without Prying too much goes something like this when a couple of gringos are sitting around with a bunch of Latin women And we're talking about the differences between our two cultures Well, that's a great time to bring up touchy subjects like husbands and boyfriends who are womanizing Boozing and well slamming around their wives and girlfriends I've been sitting with groups of Latin women at parties and things a number of times and seems like when they're in a group They'll talk about it quite freely and make jokes about it and compare notes But when you speak to them alone one-on-one, they don't want to give up any personal information at all So know that if you're at a party or at a restaurant sitting down with a number of Latin women

[07:54] You can ask them almost anything and they won't be embarrassed to talk about it in a general kind of way, of course But bringing up something like that one-on-one unless you know that person very well That would be a bit rude, but I was talking about guns in Cuba, wasn't I? Oh, yeah And like I said, it's one of the only countries in the world with super strict gun laws where there really is Very very low violent crime and that's because every private citizen in Cuba And I mean everyone is deathly afraid of the cops and the bureaucracy and what they can do to you If you commit any little crime or misdemeanor at all in fact If you or I were to report a local Cuban to the tourist police saying that he or she was harassing or irritating Or just being abusive in any way

[08:40] There's a good chance that a person like that will get picked up and shipped off to the boonies to cut sugar cane for the rest Of its life. Don't laugh. I saw it happen myself with my very own eyes So in Cuba, no one has guns except the authorities and everyone's deathly afraid of anyone in uniform or a government authority So that makes for a timid humble society with virtually no violent crime And that's just the way the locals live and as for gringos expats and foreigners Of course, they can never have a gun either But as for other crimes and misdemeanors No matter what you've heard as long as we're not talking about a foreigner committing rape or murder Believe it or not We get a kind of a free pass and seem to have rights and liberties Well beyond the average local Cuban citizen and you wonder how could that be in a strict heavy-handed socialist society like Cuba?

[09:30] Well because foreign tourists are the major source of Cuba's foreign income US dollars and euros that is since the Cuban peso is Inconvertible they can only import products from the outside world like cars and electronics and manufactured items with dollars and euros So that means to keep the tourists happy there's a basic hands-off policy in general and if there's ever a showdown big or small between a Tourist a local person or a local businessman the tourist is always right, which isn't fair But who said life was fair now? There's another Latin country where crime is virtually out of control whether our illegal guns practically everywhere yet It's very difficult for an expat even one with residency even a local who was born there to get a legal gun and that's Brazil

[10:16] And you know that always makes me laugh because they're one of the biggest producers in the world of small arms In fact, you might have heard of the brand name Taurus T-a-u-r-u-s Taurus they make millions and millions of cheap dependable handguns every year. In fact, it's a huge export business yet you and I even if we were permanent residents would have to jump through 50 different hoops to get one and Speaking of permanent residency in the rest of Latin America a gringo expat of foreigner only needs to have permanent Residency to be able to go buy a handgun or a rifle or a shotgun So remember having residency in a Latin country is the key to be able to go out and buy a firearm legally But you'll never get through the maze of gun ownership paperwork without having a personal lawyer helping to get you through the process

[11:05] But of course if you're at that point where you have permanent residency and you want to get a gun You'll already have a pretty good relationship with your personal lawyer since he would have already walked you by the hand through the residency process And probably an SA corporation and a bank account, too Not to mention he probably helped you with the paperwork when you bought a car rented an apartment or started a business bought some property Made a will created a trust any number of things. Well, you get the idea You're gonna need a lawyer for all that stuff and whatever else comes up and I firmly believe this if when you first started out With your lawyer, you'll like the guy he accomplished the first few things you asked him to do in a reasonable time and at third-world prices Well, then you should definitely keep that lawyer for all the other things that might come up where you'll need one Do not I repeat do not jump around from lawyer to lawyer unless of course, you're unhappy with the first guy

[11:56] You see the thing is since you're in Latin America You want to develop a solid permanent long-term friendly relationship with your lawyer because this guy knows everything about his country The ins and the outs the good the bad the ugly and all the internal political and governmental machinations and gossip that you're just not privy to for example He knows who the solid citizens are and who the crooks are too And he knows what banks are stable and which ones are teetering He knows the areas of town that are on the rise and which ones are slipping He knows the movers and shakers and the pretenders who's got the real money and who's all hat and no horse a very good thing To know if you're investing in anything or renting or buying you get the point and over time He's the guy you want to ask if you have any questions, not just about legal things either

[12:43] He'll be just a terrific resource of information for you You really want to keep this guy in your corner now For example, if you're thinking about which school you want to send your kid He'll know things that even us long-term expats would just never pick up on So what I'm saying is this try to make him kind of a one-stop shop for your needs because after all if you do that You can call him up 24-7 and ask him pretty much anything and he'll be glad to give it a low down No charge not like lawyers in the first world who will always have you on the clock Now when you're down here off the tourist trail like me You'll find that lawyers do not put you on the clock and charge you when you phone up I suppose they'll get around to it someday. But for now, there's a huge lag time with that, too Lucky for us expats, right?

[13:30] Though I have heard on the tourist trail in places like Panama and Costa Rica Lawyers there have picked up on all the bad first world lawyer habits. In other words, they're really not your friend They're just bad copies of sleazebag first world lawyers And believe me if you have one lawyer for this and one lawyer for that Not only will you be spending more money than you have to and possibly be reinventing the wheel You'll not have the confidence or the friendship of any of your multiple lawyers they'll just be a mechanism that you use to get legal work done and what you really want in Latin America a place where the legal systems are a literal maze is one lawyer that becomes a personal friend of yours a General purpose lawyer who you take those easy first steps with and if you want something complicated done that's over his head

[14:16] Let's say you want to build a beachfront resort or a hospital or a geothermal power plant or something Just let him find the expert legal help that you're gonna need But always keep your original friendly lawyer in the loop now I know some lawyers in Latin America who've been able to get their gringo clients a gun after that gringo has only just received his Temporary residency and that temporary residency process can take anywhere from three months to a year Whereas the permanent residency could take two or three years now a lot of expat wannabes and expat Gonna bees and I have to thank one of my faithful listeners Robert for coming up with that one Expat gonna bees I like it in fact an expat gonna be would be an expat wannabe Who's got off his or her butt and has been making some solid concrete plans to actually leave

[15:05] Anyway, a lot of would-be expats up north want to know about shipping their own guns down Well, like I said in Mexico Cuba and Brazil Forget about it. And the fact is every other Latin American country has such high import duties on shipping guns in Even if they're your own guns that you'll actually be paying for your guns twice So you're much better off selling them up there and coming on down here and buying them And yes, there's every make and model down here But in most cases you'll be paying double for them down here, too Since retailers will slap that high tax right on to the buyer So either way you're not gonna get by cheap now for example if you come down here and buy a 357 torus revolver a very solid inexpensive Independable piece of work which would cost you maybe 200 to 300 bucks in the States

[15:52] Well double that down here and as far as used guns Well, you see him in the papers all the time and as human nature would have it You won't get any deals there either people who own property of any kind always think it's worth more than it really is In fact, I can't tell you how many times I've seen for example a used Glock in the paper for maybe 1,500 to 2,000 bucks and that's about what you could buy a new one for down here It seems to be a human frailty that we all think what we have is worth more than book value In fact ask anyone who owns a piece of nice jewelry for example what they think it's worth and I guarantee you Market value will be half that or less. Yep. We're all stupid about some things That's for sure and one more thing down here the top shelf royalty of guns

[16:39] the one every guy wants to have is a Glock or a SIG sour and like I said before you're looking at two grand or More and because it's like having a Rolex or a Mercedes guys who have them love to show them off in other ways They rarely keep them concealed or hide them They like to have them hanging off a holster belt kind of like a penis extender, you know But the effect they're looking for only impresses guys not the women Well, by the way Once you've bought a gun down here and have it registered Which will take two or three days after you actually purchase it at the gun store You'll get a little plastic ID card Oh and as for that two or three day wait That's by no means a cool down or a waiting period like they have up in the States That's because there's just so much red tape and paperwork That's why you need your lawyer and by the way

[17:24] If you buy a used gun from someone in the paper or someone, you know It'll be your lawyer that transfers all that paperwork to you So you'll need them then too and I assure you no matter how good your Spanish You won't be able to do that one yourself because you see he's the one that's gonna check that gun out to see if it was properly registered in the first place and he'll check and see if the guy's up to date on his Licensing fees and he'll check to see that no crimes were committed with that gun and I don't care how good your Spanish is or how Much of a cheapskate you are thinking you can do it yourself All I gotta say is if you start that process yourself on January 1st I bet you'll still be standing in one government line or another when you're old and gray Anyway, like I said when you buy your gun and finally get it registered in nearly all Latin countries

[18:11] You'll get a personal plastic ID card that says you're a gun owner with your headshot and fingerprint too And it'll have the guns you own listed on it So if you get pulled over by the cops and you have that gun on you or it's in your car You'll have to show them that card too, or you'll be in big trouble Sometimes I say sometimes because if you're an upscale Businessman type looking gringo and your paperwork is not in order and you don't look like a typical bad guy Narco sleazebag criminal or whatever There's a decent chance that you can buy your way out of it After all Latin America is the land of the bribable cop and politician and if you remember down here They call it more Dita, which technically means taking a bite taking a bite out of your wallet Now I know I mentioned this a couple of years ago

[18:59] But it's worth repeating when you get pulled over by the cops Which they probably will never do because like I said before cops down here do not do high-speed chases But you might get singled out by the cops at one of those multiple road blocks You see in every medium and large size Latin town though If you plan to stick around in a particular town or city You'll know where they set those things up and you can avoid them or do as some gringo expats do and just wave politely Play stupid gringo. No habla español, and that almost always works However, sometimes you just can't avoid getting pulled over Especially if the traffic is moving very slow alongside the roadblock Then they can just kind of bullhorn you off to the side of the road And in that case, the first thing the cops gonna ask is porta

[19:44] Arma, which means are you carrying a gun and if you are you better say C-senor and show them that little plastic card with your face on it that gives you permission to carry such weapon Now I gotta tell you I know of a case or two where a gringo did have his gun in his glove compartment But did not have that little plastic gun registration card on him now He knew technically that his gun was legal But he also knew that since he didn't have the card on him the cops had every right in the world to take his gun away and tear his car apart looking for other guns or contraband and Then they'll take you down to the local precinct and make you wait down there till your lawyer shows up And if it's the weekend and your lawyer's out of town, you might end up spending a night in the clink So in this case in fact in a couple of cases that I know this one friend of mine knew everything was legal and being

[20:34] An upstanding clean-looking gringo the cops actually believed him So they gave him the option of going down to the precinct screwing up his whole day and maybe spending a night in the clink or Pay a little bribe more Dita the bite and guess what they wanted for more Dita the gun Now your guess is as good as mine as to what the cops did with that gun But I'm sure they didn't keep it they sold it on the black market, of course What other market is there for guns taken from gringos on routine traffic stops? So the moral of that story always carry that gun registration card Oh and one more thing since I get a certain number of emails concerning drugs down here in Latin America Especially since most people now know about Uruguay and how almost all Latin countries have more or less

[21:21] Decriminalized marijuana in personal amounts and even if Latin countries haven't actually passed laws to that effect The cops kind of leave you alone as long as you're not toting a pound or more down the street in a see-through ziplock bag But the email question I seem to get all the time is won't the cops when looking for more data from a gringo? Pull them over at one of those stops and plant some dope on him Then they can really put the screws to him because he'll be scared out of his wits and pay anything since he is in a foreign country And he's heard about Latin jails. Well, you know, there's a simple answer to that when you're off the tourist trail There are so few gringos around that it would be a completely foreign concept to a cop who believe me Have a sixth or eighth grade education at best to carry around a ready stash of dope

[22:08] Just on the odd chance that a gringo will pass by at a traffic stop to do some dirt on Well, let me just tell you in my 20 something years down here in Latin America 18 years of it off the tourist trail. I never once met a gringo or expat that's ever happened to I mean off the Tourist trail now because remember like I said when you're off the tourist trail even in the biggest most crowded of cities You can often walk around for hours and hours and never see a single gringo So for cops looking to scam gringos there It's not a very good plan though. I have heard of a few dope planting stories in Mexico naturally and in Costa Rica So there's another good reason to stay off the tourist trail. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, by the way

[22:54] Once you have a gun down here, you'll have to pay a yearly Registration fee too and it's not cheap Like you might think because you're in Latin America where almost everything is much cheaper than up in the States The fact is you might pay 50 or 60 bucks a year to register that cheap tourist That's only worth maybe five or six hundred bucks down here new and half that in the States So you're looking at 10% of the value of the gun and ammo will cost you twice as much down here, too Which is why a lot of locals who belong to gun clubs and therefore have legal guns Reload their own. Oh and by the way, for example, if you buy a used gun and it's an oldie Let's say 20 years old and the original owner just kept it in his house and he never paid the yearly licensing fee

[23:39] Well, it's just like every other tax here in Latin America It just keeps accumulating and no one comes after you No one knocks on your door and tries to make you pay it that is until you try to sell it then either you or the Original owner is gonna have to pony up. It's the same thing with property taxes down here You're supposed to pay them every quarter, but some people don't pay them for 5 10 15 20 years But no one comes after you or knocks on your door It's not like in the States if you don't pay your property taxes for two years running They'll put your house on the auction block up in the States Even if you've completely paid off your mortgage You really don't own your house and if you think you do just quit paying your property taxes for a couple of years Anyway, that's another great reason for living down here in Latin America Besides the fact that property taxes are so ridiculously cheap. Anyway, so down here

[24:28] The government will not come after you if you don't pay though You might get a bill in the mail from them once in a while and the interest and penalties will start really adding up Anyway, like I might have mentioned in a past show at least one month a year the local municipality that you live in or where Your property is located will waive all the penalties in interest if you pay in that month so that's why people don't pay for years and years and years and you wonder why once a year every Municipality exonerates the interest and fines on all those past due property tax bills. It would seem quite self-defeating Considering all the extra dough they could get when a guy finally sells his house and therefore has to pay up So why would they do that? That's because Latin municipalities are always broke

[25:15] The mayor and his cronies are forever looting the municipal treasury and they know that once a year during that Exoneration month they can expect another big wad of cash to flow into the municipality so they can just loot it again And the same thing goes for traffic fines and traffic tickets to every year They also have an exoneration month and then a big wad of cash flows in and the crooks in charge steal that too But we were talking about guns weren't we? Oh and get this the Latin cops are very tolerant when people Discharge their weapons in public. I don't mean discharging their guns at other people I'm talking about the Latin propensity to shoot their guns up in the air during parties and fiestas and New Year's and National holidays and of course, no one's out to shoot anyone. It's just happiness macho style which psychologists might

[26:07] Unofficially call the biggest dick on the block theory and by the way, if you see that in the psychiatric journals They stole it from me because I thought of it first Now I have to mention this rarely happens in upscale neighborhoods It's mostly the middle and lower class macho jerks that take the street with their guns and I'm not saying it's an epidemic either I've seen it quite a few times But it's not like everybody runs out in the street and shoots off their guns like drunk Mexican Banditos in a bad Hollywood movie But it's enough of a problem that you actually see billboards and signs in various Latin cities Warning macho guys not to shoot their guns because of stray bullets. I mean where are they gonna go, right? What goes up must come down Fact is on some of these fiesta days and nights like New Year's and Christmas and stuff

[26:53] There's just so many powerful deafening fireworks going off You wouldn't even know if a 357 went off two doors down from you And one last thing about guns when I first came down here in the early 90s I did the drive from Mexico all the way down to Panama and I remembered distinctly when I was driving the Pan American highway through Honduras Guatemala Salvador and Nicaragua every so often when I'd pull over to a little tien de a lady would be making Tortillas and sandwiches and right behind her would be get this a roll of guns AK-47s cheap like a hundred bucks left over from their Civil War. Nope. I didn't buy one and it's not like that now South of the border Down Mexico way you've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America coming to you twice a week from somewhere south of the

[27:42] Border email me the expat files at gmail.com And don't forget to check out expat wisdom calm to sign up for your free reports on Latin America See you next time knows famous