#294 – The Expat Files: Chocolate, Car Seats, and Cultural Insights in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America the show that tells you just what it's like to live Work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Now if you remember last week I was reporting on a story about a first world Dutch guy with an obsession for good chocolate that came down to Nicaragua With his own chocolate bars thinking he'd never be able to get the good stuff like back home in Europe not down in Latin America

[00:47] Anyway, because he knew Latin America is a great source for raw chocolate the cacao tree and cacao pod But even though they've got the raw material. Let's just can't get it together in the fine chocolate department And of course, there are all kinds of Latin made chocolate products and candy bars and such and there's a big market for it Because it's a lot cheaper than the imported chocolates But it's not even as good as some of the mass-produced stuff like Hershey's and Nestle's and I can vouch for that I wouldn't eat it myself and I wouldn't want to serve it to my friends So if you're like a lot of folks down here if you get a box of that stuff for Christmas or your birthday It'll end up in your closet or behind the shelves or just wasting away in your refrigerator With a lot of other moldy stuff that's tucked into the crevices You know the kind of chocolate I'm talking about the kind that's only picked at by desperate

[01:35] Chocoholics who run out of the good stuff. I think expat Eddie says it best He says Latin chocolate is just methadone for chocoholics and he'd know because he's in the food business, right? so anyway a few years ago this Dutch guy came down to Nicaragua with his own supply of good European chocolate and Hoping that his friends from Holland would come and visit him with a renewed supply before his good stash was depleted Now on the previous show I read to you a bit of the Dutchman's chocolate saga in his own words And I left off by mentioning that he found some cacao trees that were abandoned But still producing and their pods were just dropping to the ground and rotting So he'd found a supply of the raw materials alright, but what could he do from there? He wasn't a chocolate maker at all only a chocolate eating fanatic

[02:24] Well, let me give it to you in his own words again reading from his own story. So here goes Then we heard of a man making chocolates somewhere in the mountains and hours drive away There I found Don Guillermo Castellón in the small village of La Dalia He had a few blocks of cacao laying around in his dusty shop I bought the whole bunch and right away that afternoon I started experimenting But how was I gonna turn these foul tasting blocks of milled cacao into chocolate? How was that gonna work by the end of that afternoon after throwing away at least three batches? I had something passable When my wife came home from work that afternoon. I gave her a small piece her eyes lit up in a smile Then a bigger smile. I knew I was on to something. So in the months that followed it was continuous research

[03:16] What was good cacao? Anyway, where could I get it? How do you make chocolate? Do you really have to follow all those process steps to get a good final product? Anyway, starting small we made a separate kitchen picked up some proper equipment and with making a business in mind packed up the chocolate pasted on a label and left some at the local Italian restaurant hoping that it would sell and yes it did within three days they were asking for more a Business was born since then. We've only been improving buying better cacao installing an industrial grinder cooling areas and of course Constructing more space and getting others involved and now there are five of us in the business as we grow

[04:02] We concentrate on the environment and social economic factors, too We buy only organic cacao and our kitchen staff are hired on a permanent contract basis We are making relationships now with cacao cooperatives and share information on cacao prices and even training on Chocolate making to cacao farmers and if you come down to visit we'll gladly show you our operation and tell you more and then he signs Off by saying and that's my story so far to be continued So that little story and much more are posted on his website and in fact on his website He says if you're interested in doing the chocolate thing yourself He'll train you now imagine that for a business if you love chocolate, what have you got to lose?

[04:48] anyway I'd like to just mention here that one of the big problems I found with chocolates down here and a lot of Confectionaries for that matter is that if you're not in the Altiplano region, it's pretty damn hot So if you're into candy and chocolate you almost always have to buy it fresh or in an air-conditioned store Or it turns into a slumping glumpy mess in a hurry and I understand a lot of chocolate companies like for example Nestle's and Hershey's when they ship their chocolates to hot climates They have a little different formula and you know what that means extra additives preservatives and other unnatural junk So that they can keep their shape and form and consistency in the tropical heat and humidity However, that makes them a little more waxy and brittle and as for those extra additives Who knows what kind of processed crap that is? So anyway, that's one of the things that has to be overcome when you're in the candy or chocolate business down here

[05:38] And I'm sure the Dutch chocolate maker has plenty to say about that So if you want to get into the chocolate business here and make good chocolate There is a huge demand for it because everything I've tasted is pretty lackluster and mediocre to say the least Sounds like a great business to get into and even better all the legwork has been done for you already by this Dutch Exped and if you look at his website You'll see he's totally willing to give you all the info and the training to do it if you like He sounds to me like a really nice Chuckaholic who wants to spread the good word that it can be done down here and here's a little word of warning for you You know when you're down here in Latin America Even in the Altiplano region where it's nice and cool if you're in a car park That's not covered or if you're not under the shade of a tree

[06:25] It'll get absolutely stiflingly hot in there, and I've seen many a car's dashboard floor center council and seats Totally ruined by someone who's left a piece of candy chocolate or otherwise in what they thought was a safe place That's why I always recommend if you buy a car new or used always try to go for the vinyl seats sure They're generally ugly and boiling hot if your cars been sitting out in the parking lot But they're easy enough to clean after you've had a couple of Hershey kiss meltdowns And that's why if you buy a used car I guarantee you that even if the car is six months old the upholstery will not be without its major blemishes And if the person you bought it from had kids I guarantee you the seats will be disgustingly awful But not to fear down here there are tons of little hole-in-the-wall shops that'll reupholster your car or your home furniture completely and

[07:16] despite what their places of business look like some of these guys are real artists and the guys and gals that do that and They're almost always guys are called tappi seros and to recover a chair or a seat is called Tapis area and yes you can have upholstery done down here for about a quarter or even less than what you'd pay for the same thing up in the States and since most of the material is made down here, too Even the leather if you want it the materials costs will be half or less than what you'd pay in the first world, too And I'll tell you because Latins just don't take care of their cars inside or out mechanically or otherwise because of that There's a huge business in car seat covers I'm talking very cheap seat covers, too And of course Latins don't put seat covers on their cars when they buy them like a lot of first world people might do

[08:04] Especially if it's a used car and you don't have the money to redo the upholstery on a seat that's been Saturated with ketchup or vanilla ice cream or a cafe mocha Java from Starbucks Let's say instead what some lands do is put seat covers on their cars when they're about to sell them Because you know you can pop over to Sears or Ace Hardware or the nearest big auto supply store and spend maybe 40 or 50 bucks on an off-the-shelf package of covers for pretty much any car and if you've ever used those things yourself You know they're pretty flimsy and don't last but a few months, but they do the job and they cover up a world of hurt Especially since there's so many older junks sold down here whose stuffing is actually bubbling out of the upholstery Which is not a good first impression for a prospective buyer now is it I'm not exaggerating

[08:52] It's that bad really and you know that leads me to this thought I don't quite understand about Latins in general especially the upper class guys and gals with money you go into their houses and many times they've got really nice sculptures and artwork and even beautiful waterfalls and chandeliers and marble floors and rich Rainforest hardwood trim along with that naturally they have expensive high-quality furniture fabric upholstery of course that's been stained Mercilessly by dogs kids and adults who have had mishaps You know yet with all their money and some of these guys have million dollar homes They don't seem to see the dog crap stain on the Persian rug or the dove bar meltdown on the love seat yet for pocket change They could have that stuff reupholstered usually right down the block

[09:38] Good as new and all I can say in the end is that it's our gringo advantage that we notice these things though It's not like you need a microscope to pick that stuff out. It's right there largest life right in your face. Oh And by the way here's another little Latin Americanism that I think you should be aware of if you call a repairman to do some Work at your house or business whether he's a painter a plumber an electrician or even someone to hang some window treatments or blinds Remember this they do not clean up after themselves and they'll leave a huge mess for you or your cleaning lady so bottom line is that you should always be at home when these guys are finishing a job and you should never give them the Final payment which you should hold back till the job is done Of course until you've checked the window sills the cabinets the corners

[10:26] Whatever for remnants of dust and dirt and wood scraps that they left behind after they think they've finished the job now I can't tell you how many times I've had to hand a workman a broom a dustpan and a damp rag not to mention Windex and some liquid soap and tell the guy the job didn't include trashing up the house and Beware if they're moving furniture or appliances around or bringing tools in and out of the house because I guarantee if you don't keep an eye On them. They're bound to take a chunk out of the corner of your wall or tear up your baseboard a door or some woodwork Now that's happened a number of times to every one of us expats me included and it keeps on happening though these days I've got an eagle eye out and I'm into Preventive maintenance that is when I have to call in one of these guys to do some work in the house, especially

[11:14] I've got a couple of big painters tarps that I lay out in the general area where they're gonna work and oftentimes I'll even run those tarps up and down the stairs where these guys are gonna walk because they're Definitely gonna trash up any place They put their feet and it's not a bad idea at all if for example They're gonna work on the fireplace in your living room to throw a painter's tarp over every piece of furniture in that room Because if you don't well anything can happen and it will and you know, they don't do it on purpose at all It's just that that's the way they treat their own property now to prove a point about a year ago I was at expat Eddie's house in Salvador sitting in his beautiful living room on his expensive Italian leather furniture and by the way, you can get all that down here, too

[12:01] You don't have to order it. There are plenty of upscale showrooms in every medium and large Latin City Anyway, I was sitting on his plush sofa looking down at his beautiful Rainforest hardwood parquet floor and I noticed with the Sun coming through the windows at a steep angle I could see a deep foot-long scratch in it It was sadly obvious and I said Eddie what happened to your floor there and he shook his head and said Oh Johnny, you know the Abenals the workmen they don't give a where they lay their tools down Then he said that's where one guy put his drill and another guy stepped on it and there you have it And you know what? I was right there when it happened and all the guy said was Los siento. Hefe Los siento. Sorry boss. Sorry

[12:47] Then Eddie shook his head again and said it's like Johnny. What could he say really? How is he to know that parquet floor cost a year of his salary and then he said maybe I'll throw a rug over it And if it still looks ugly, maybe I'll get the whole floor redone Then he rolled his eyes and said nah on second thought imagine what kind of mess that would make hell They'd be in the house for a month, and I don't want that then After I reminded him that he lived the first 16 years of his life in a trailer park himself He laughed and said you're right to say Johnny and since then Eddie uses those painting tarps to to cover anything and everything when the workmen come in and Still when they're gone and things are kind of back to normal There's always some telltale sign that they've been there

[13:32] But it's not all bad news because remember you still got your cleaning lady And she's got to have something to do right and speaking of something to do a couple of months back I happen to overhear a couple of cleaning ladies Sitting at the cafeteria at the local Costco while their boss ladies were getting their hair done at the beauty salon next door and the younger One was telling the other that she had just started working for a gringo couple And she was worried that she was gonna lose her job because she had almost nothing to do Turns out her gringo couple made almost no mess at all for her to clean up to her They were basically clean freaks though There isn't a term like that in Spanish the closest phrase being Ditaistas, which is a person who's very big on details in fact she kept on saying they were muy organizados

[14:19] Which means extremely organized followed by? Teemasi alo which means excessively or too much in fact I overheard her say they left no plates on the table or dishes in the sink They swept the floor if they drop something on it And they even made their own beds and it turns out the gringo woman of the family Liked to cook which left little for the cleaning lady to do except the laundry the windows and the bathrooms and even then Her boss would sometimes wash her own clothes Especially the delicate ones and the man of the family he had everything of his in order everything He owned had its place and he didn't want her to touch anything in the garage his den or his office So she mostly kept out of those three places too so anyway I picked up on the fact that this young cleaning lady was

[15:06] Distraught thinking she was gonna get fired any minute for lack of work in the house and of course they were speaking in Spanish And I'd never put in on a conversation like that no way But I don't think that cleaning lady had anything to worry about that's just the way a lot of us gringos are and the other Cleaning lady her friend was adamant when she said not to complain and that she should be counting her Blessings that she works for gringos instead of working for a latin family like she did now you see as I was listening I surmised that for this young cleaning lady that was her very first cleaning job She'd never worked for a latin family before or for anyone as a cleaning lady for that matter this was her first taste of it and it was for a gringo family and because of that fact most cleaning ladies would

[15:51] Universally say she'd won the lottery lucky her and the rest of the cleaning ladies were a bit jealous Including the older cleaning lady she was talking to who was more seasoned and obviously working for a traditional latin family in the end She just kept saying come be almost come be almost which means I'll trade ya. I'll trade ya So there you have another angle on that gringo advantage. I always talk about oh and one more thing about that during that conversation The young cleaning lady said to her friend I pray to God that she gets pregnant and has a baby that'll give me something to do then they can't fire me They'll need me then the older wiser cleaning lady She was talking to said young lady the only way they're gonna fire you is if you're the one that gets pregnant

[16:37] So go ahead read anything you like into that one. I'm not saying a word Yeah, I know I know that was quite a digression there from our Dutch expat chocolate maker in Nicaragua So in regards to that I'd like to ask you this question Do you really think that before he came to Nicaragua when he was sitting up there in Holland? That he had any idea at all that he'd be the future expert chocolate maker in Nicaragua No way can't you see he just absolutely had to have boots on the ground down here to figure out There was a real business opportunity in making his own chocolate He had to see that niche with his own eyes and make a decision to get into that particular business that he really knew Nothing about except for a need to satisfy his own chocolate fix and no he was no Dutch or Belgian

[17:26] Chocolatier with years of family experience making expensive chocolates in Europe. There was none of that going down He just loved chocolate now I hope that's a little lesson to you on how expats stumble into Businesses down here in Latin America and why sometimes it doesn't make a lot of sense to sit up there in Cleveland Planning on this in that big business idea that you're gonna launch once you get down here Because as you're probably beginning to realize nine times out of ten expats who have thriving Businesses hatch those great ideas once they get down here and another thing if you're sitting up there in La Crosse, Wisconsin Right now worried that you just can't think of a cool business idea that you can easily transfer down to Latin America Don't panic once you get down here with boots on the ground and get settled in I guarantee that soon enough

[18:13] You'll have so many good ideas You might not know where to start which is why I suggest you come on down to my next expat wisdom seminar That I'm having in January and yes This is a plug But it's not a shameless plug because there's no better way to get boots on the ground off the tourist trail Like I always recommend then to come down to one of my seminars and get yourself a guaranteed head start because that's what these seminars Do they grease the skids for you? So you can skip the part about spinning your wheels and going through all the BS that nearly all Expats go through the first couple of years that they're down here. In fact the first couple of years I was down here I found myself chasing my own tail plenty of times and maybe I shouldn't spoil my luck by saying this but in the over 20 years that I've been down here

[18:59] I was robbed two times and that was in year one and in year two So get this I haven't been nicked since in 19 or 20 years Knock on wood because I'm a lot smarter now at least I like to think that and yes luck has something to do with it But there's a lot more to it than that So anyway, I recommend that you come down to my next expat wisdom seminar in January and get a taste of a real boots On the ground fast-track experience that you won't get any other way. I promise not only that I'll introduce you to some very successful expats who just like the Dutchman Came down and ended up in a business that they just happened to stumble in by luck and circumstance And of course by slogging around a bit with boots on the ground

[19:44] So if you want to get on my seminar mailing list send me an email the expat files at gmail.com or Johnny at Expat wisdom calm and I'll keep you in the loop and post you with the updates Okay, let's move on now here I've got to mention that i've been getting emails in the last couple weeks about a story I seem to have started and never finished. So what else is new right? Anyway I started telling the story about my car body man who tried to hit me up for a loan two weeks in a row Now you might be wondering after all i've said about cars on this show over the years Why I would be going back and forth to the body man all the time Since I mentioned many times before you get dings and bangs and parking lot scratches all the time And it's not worth it to run back and forth to the body guy all the time

[20:30] And of course, I never recommend a brand new car unless a car dealership is simply offering a deal Just way too good to pass up And believe it or not that does happen on occasion You just have to keep your eyes open check the local paper and jump on it And with another example of that we can talk about that decameron all-inclusive resort that I spoke about Maybe a year ago The fact is if you keep your eyes open and look in any of the big national newspapers down here About twice or three times a year during low season the decameron will offer a special Where instead of paying 80 or 90 bucks a person per room per day in that all-inclusive resort Which is still a good deal, by the way, you're gonna pay 49 bucks a day But the thing is they only offer that special for that day that it's in the paper

[21:20] So you got to go down to the local officer call their 800 number and book it right away that day Now of course, you can book the hotel a few months in advance at that rate 49 bucks a day That means at double occupancy. That's 98 bucks, right for two. Now. That's a terrific deal But remember it's an all-inclusive resort you pay for nothing And there's about 45 of those resorts in like 12 countries. So there's a hell of a lot of variety Anyway, what i'm saying is you got to jump on deals right away when they hit the paper For example latin's are nuts about mother's day father's day and valentine's day and occasionally An appliance store for example will put everything in the store at 50 off But only for one day and that's when I bought a set of matching

[22:08] Italian leather sofas for my living room forget this 800 bucks for the both of them now admittedly that was a few years ago And i've never seen a sale like that since at that particular store But there have been sales like that at other appliance and furniture stores that i've noticed in the paper But again, they're tricky about it and like to run those deals only for one day And then there are those stores that around christmas time will run a 50 sale like that at midnight Imagine that just like a lot of first world stores do though I don't think in the first world they'll slash everything to 50 Like some big variety stores will do down here Maybe once a year the point is you have to keep your eyes open and if you don't get the paper You'll miss it because you don't normally see ads like that on tv

[22:54] And you know, that's how I bought my last new car, too And like I said i'm against buying new cars, but when it's such a deal that it's basically Slightly above the price you'd pay for a used car and you end up getting that five-year guarantee If the price is right, why not as long as it's a dependable very stripped down non-glitzy model That's basic transportation And then you have to force yourself to remain calm when you get those inevitable Dings and scratches in the parking lots if you can handle that then you can get a new car Provided you buy it when the dealership is offering one of those once-in-a-lifetime deals Like for example when I bought my last new car I soon found out why it was so damn cheap and why they only ran the offer for three days That was because they only brought 12 of that model into the country and once they sold out

[23:42] In the first day by the way when they brought in the new model year Which by the way, it looked exactly the same suddenly the sticker went up two thousand bucks Which is more than a 20 markup considering I bought mine for nine grand But if you do hit on one of those lucky deals like that You should never buy an upscale luxury car always the stripped down humdrum basic version You never want anything flashy then chances are the thieves and bad guys will never bother you And by the way, the cops won't bother you either Well, you know, that's my philosophy when it comes to my car But when it comes to your girlfriends or your wife's car you find it's really in your best interest They keep their car looking a lot nicer than yours Meaning your car will be the so-called beater and her car the nice one because you know us male expats

[24:29] Just eventually give up on all those parking lot scratches and dings and let them accumulate over a year or two or three And then maybe bring the car into the shop and have it done upright again I mean we all have our own personal threshold of embarrassment now, you know But when it comes to your wife or your girlfriend's car And of course now i'm speaking exclusively about wives and girlfriends who are latinas because as you'll see they are a special case But don't worry, we'll get to gringo wives and girlfriends later. So hang on for that anyway guys About latina wives and girlfriends even if chihuahas middle or lower class before she met you and never even had a car Which is quite commonly the case down here Well, nothing will make a girl like that sadder than to drive around town with dings and scratches And I know that doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense because before she met you she didn't even have a car

[25:17] But we're not talking logic here. I mean, let's face it if we first worlders think we're so smart How come so many of us still wear white when we go to italian restaurants? Is that logical? Not to mention why do all us gringos and expats have our cars washed during the rainy season when you know What's going to rain almost every day and you're going to get mud spattered up and down the side of your car Is that logical? No way, but still we do it and thirdly why when we're at discos dances and birthday parties Do we gringos let anyone talk us into going up on the dance floor? I mean we know deep down that everyone's looking at us like the gimps We are like I said, we all have our personal thresholds of embarrassment except I guess when we're out on the dance floor And talking about stumbling into a black hole of ridicule try washing your own car someday out on the street in your neighborhood

[26:08] That's when everybody and I mean everybody's gonna think you're nuts or even worse Try cutting your own grass And you know we're used to all that because we never had maids and gardeners back up in cleveland But latin's don't know that and consider us gringos a little bit nuts when we do things like a bit of plumbing or electrical Wash or wax our cars or cut the grass They know that even latin's making 600 bucks a month have cleaning ladies and maintenance guys to cut their grass and do their plumbing The fact is even latin american families living in a five or six hundred square foot cracker box of a house Might actually have a live-in cleaning lady and that's why when we have a latin wife or a girlfriend We do have to make some allowances for those little societal quirks They've been brought up with that. We might think are actually pretty ridiculous now for example

[26:57] That's why almost every expat in gringo. I know who's got a wife or girlfriend down here He's perfectly willing to let his car go to seed, but we'll always have a personal dependable body man like amelio My own personal body man and mechanic to fix the dings and scratches on the girlfriend's or wife's car At least a couple times a year and because every vehicle gets dinged and banged so often People who do have the desire and the money to keep their cars finish looking good Routinely have their car in the body shop five or six times a year. Oops running short again We'll continue with that next week. So stay tuned You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america coming to you twice a week from somewhere south of the border

[27:43] Email me the expat files at gmail.com And don't forget to check out expat wisdom.com to sign up for your free reports on latin america See you next time. Nos vemos