Episode Summary
In this episode, Johnny Mueller explores a range of topics that highlight the unique cultural and social dynamics of living in Latin America. He begins by discussing the differences in humor between Latin America and the first world, noting that Latin humor is often more straightforward and centered around topics like sex, drugs, and race. He shares a personal anecdote about an expat friend who transitioned from stand-up comedy in the U.S. to selling pet food in Latin America, illustrating the cultural gap in humor and the challenges of adapting to local sensibilities.
Next, Johnny critiques the widespread plagiarism in Latin rock, noting that it's a common practice for Latin musicians to copy first-world bands like the Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, and even Justin Bieber. He explains that this plagiarism is not just limited to lyrics but also includes guitar licks and phrases, which are then reworked into Latin versions. Johnny acknowledges that while some may find this behavior amusing or even offensive, he ultimately accepts that Latin musicians enjoy rock for its fashion and cultural appeal, even if it's not the most authentic form of music.
The segment then shifts to the cultural belief in Latin America that a baby born with blue eyes is a sign of a gringo parent or European bloodline, which is considered a desirable trait. Johnny explains that blue eyes are rare in Latin America and that the presence of such eyes is often seen as a marker of beauty and social advantage. He also mentions the phenomenon of expats, particularly women, being highly sought after by Latin men due to their perceived attractiveness and the cultural fascination with blue eyes.
Johnny then discusses the challenges an unmarried expat woman faces when trying to determine if a Latin man is married. He highlights that a significant percentage of men who approach her are actually married, and they often lie about their marital status. He explains how these men try to avoid giving their phone numbers, claiming their phones are lost or stolen. Johnny also describes how married Latin women are highly suspicious of their husbands' infidelity and often check their phones for evidence.
Finally, Johnny shares insights on the Spanish language and cultural nuances, particularly focusing on how suffixes like '-ero' denote a person's profession. He shares a personal anecdote about misunderstanding the term 'free olero' as someone who cooks refried beans, only to later learn it refers to someone extremely sensitive to cold. He then shifts to discussing water purification systems, emphasizing the importance of clean water in Latin America and recommending a two-stage filtration system with ceramic and carbon filters.
Topics
Cultural differences in humor, Adaptation to local culture, Expat experiences in Latin America, Plagiarism in Latin rock, Cultural appropriation and influence, Commercial success of Latin rock, Cultural identity and adaptation, Influence of Western media on Latin culture, Cultural beliefs about blue eyes in Latin America, The tradition of clipping a red ribbon on babies, The social advantage of having blue eyes in Latin America, Dating dynamics for expats in Latin America
Chapters
00:00:00 Opening 00:00:32 Superstitions and Humor in Latin America 00:01:56 The Contagious Nature of Latin Humor 00:03:39 The Gringo Advantage and Cultural Adaptation 00:05:32 Plagiarism in Latin Rock and Its Acceptance 00:05:43 The Commercial Success of Latin Rock Despite Derivative Nature 00:08:16 The Cultural Impact of First-World Rock on Latin Audiences 00:11:29 The Tradition of Clipping a Red Ribbon on Babies with Blue Eyes 00:11:50 The Rarity of Blue Eyes in Latin America 00:12:47 The Cultural Significance of Blue Eyes and the Red Ribbon Tradition 00:17:15 The Challenge of Determining Marital Status of Latin Men 00:18:45 The Introduction of Dual SIM Phones and Its Impact on Relationships 00:21:24 Additional Insights on Marital Status and Cultural Differences 00:23:07 Cultural Nuances and Language Learning in Spanish 00:24:53 Water Purification Systems for Expats in Latin America
Transcript
Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.
[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America the show that tells you just what it's like to live Work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Now last show of course I was talking about Latins and their weird and crazy superstitions Like we gringos haven't got any of our own superstitions, right? That lens just wouldn't understand like for example two on a match remember that one
[00:46] Well, if you don't ask your parents or a smoker about it It's supposed to be bad luck But Latin's never heard of it and if you're under 40, you probably have it either and remember this one You're not supposed to enter a house with your hat on. Yeah, and how many of us wear hats, right? Well for Latin Americans, it's all right to enter the house with your hat on But you're never supposed to lay it on anyone's bed Unless you want to jinx that person and by the way, a lot of times a sex pet see some very weird superstitions practice down Here, especially among the lower classes and the indigenous communities Sometimes when we first see that stuff we have to hold back from laughing out loud But sometimes we just can't help but break loose. Well when you do that I mean break out into a spontaneous laugh Latin folks since they're much more easygoing than us first-world people
[01:33] They usually just go with the flow and laughing is contagious So often they'll laugh right along with you and they won't know what the hell you're laughing about since basically the jokes on them if you know what I mean and it works both ways because sometimes when they laugh the jokes gonna be on you and Why not? Latins can always find something about us that amuses them That's for sure and again because laughing is contagious a lot of times We'll laugh because they're laughing not even knowing that the jokes on us However, the longer you're down here and the more Spanish and Latin cultural idiosyncrasies that you pick up the more astute You'll be when the laughing starts and don't think that Latin humor is in any way sophisticated like first-world humor is There's a huge time lag in that department, too. Now, don't get me wrong I'm not saying that all first-world humor is all that sophisticated
[02:20] I mean, come on look at some of the comedies that Hollywood's putting out these days half The jokes are bathroom grade fart and sex jokes But you know for the other half of us first worlders who heard Richard Pryor do that stuff 30 years ago So we're kind of burnt out on four-letter word humor already We appreciate really good cutting-edge first world humor when we hear it But unfortunately, we never get it down here in Latin America not from the local Latin comedians. We don't they just don't have it in them The only way you're gonna get your comedy fix if that's what you're into is if you tune in the comedy channel up north Or watch an HBO comedy special the Latins are not I repeat not into cutting-edge sophisticated humor For example, you try to take a sophisticated first-world joke and translate it into Spanish
[03:05] I mean, let's say you're doing Sunday dinner with your Latin girlfriend boyfriend husband or wives family Well, I can guarantee you're gonna get that glazed deer in the headlight look from the whole family I've been there I've done that and that sudden wave of cold silence that comes is not pretty and I know now First world humor unless it's sex or bathroom humor goes over like a lead balloon with the Latins They just don't get it in fact as one expat friend of mine explains a guy who did a lot of stand-up comedy back in the 80s in the Chicago area and now he's down here believe it or not He went to starving and stand-up comedy in Chicago to wealthy veterinarian supply business owner down here in Latin America That should give you an idea what stand-up comedy qualifies you for. Nah, it wasn't that at all
[03:51] It was the gringo advantage Of course if anything the only thing stand-up comedy qualifies you for is a third shift job that allows you to drink and smoke until You pass out. That's what he says. It qualifies you for when you're up north, but down here in Latin America Well, he never thought in a million years. He'd be selling Purina dog and monkey chow to Latin American zoos wholesale Oh and don't laugh I didn't make that up Purina actually does sell Monkey chow as well as chow for hippos and rhinos and big game animals, too But that's another story anyway my ex-pat friend the former starving stand-up comedian He tells me no matter how good his Spanish gets and how much he understands the Latin culture after being down here about 15 years He says he could never ever do stand-up comedy in Latin America
[04:38] Oh, he could do it in the gringo tourist areas All right But his humor would never work with a Latin audience not that he couldn't make people laugh and bust a gut But he says he just can't throw his act into reverse Meaning he'd never do what they do to get a cheap laugh The way he tells it the Latin sense of humor has never really grown up past the adolescent sex drugs race and strip club humor stage Sure, Latin stand-up comics inject race social class and politics into their humor, but it's just not clever You can see the punchline coming a mile away and get this when he sees a Latin comedian on a TV show Being a comedian himself. He just has to watch at least for a little while anyway. He says nearly 100% of the time he recognizes that first-world comic materials been stolen and reworked for a Latin audience
[05:27] In fact, he says a lot of these Latin comedians must be watching the comedy channel up north It's pure dumbed-down plagiarism and the first-world comedians they steal from well, they don't know and they don't care Why would they Latin America is never gonna be their market? And you know, I understand why they plagiarize so much because plagiarism has worked so well with Latin rock and roll down here There's a gigantic Latin rock audience that's produced some huge Latin rock superstars They have plenty of bad Latin versions of the Rolling Stones Metallica Aerosmith even Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus to know they're not copying these bands and artists exactly But they might as well be they just copy and rework licks and phrases and write some small see redundant Spanish lyrics
[06:17] And they've got all our first-world rock genres to like Latin pop Latin metal Latin punk even Latin classic rock if you can believe that and the kings of classic Latin rock are a band called mana ma and a And I'm sure you'd never heard of them. But everybody in Latin America has all half a billion residents Basically this band mana are just a bunch of Latin rock Dinosaurs that started the whole Latin rock and roll original music trend back in the late 70s before that Latin rock bands Just took covers of bands like the Beatles and the who and Donovan and blood sweat and tears in Chicago Neil Diamond Rod Seward, etc And they just did covers and switched the lyrics to Spanish then came Latin rock bands like mana who didn't do first-world
[07:06] Covers anymore and now like the Rolling Stones. They don't have any hits anymore, but they make millions touring So these days when you're down here and you tuned to a Latin rock station yourself You'll notice that in certain parts of almost every song It seems that you've heard that certain lick or phrase or guitar solo somewhere before but you just can't put your finger on it What's happening is they just steal lyrics and licks and work them into their own songs So much so that the average first world guy listening to him says hey, I can follow that I can karaoke Then again, you might say well, there's nothing new under the Sun, right? And what's wrong with that first world musicians and music groups copy Latin salsa and Rumba and samba rhythms all the time Don't they, you know, everything's been done before and the whole world is derivative and all that
[07:52] But believe me the way Latin steel jokes and songs they make a living at and they pass them off as their own Well, if you're a first-world comic or musician, it kind of pisses you off, you know now a while back I got a few emails from some people saying well Johnny look if Lands are really into rock these days and the Latin rock movement is huge How do Latins with all their rhythm dance to that stuff? How do Latins bust a move when a Marilyn Manson or Ozzy Osbourne clone is screaming his tonsils out over deafening feedback in Spanish? Aha, that is a good question Latin folks with all their smooth great rhythms Just love to dance yet are boxed into a corner when they hear a song without a distinctive Latin beat Sure They want to dance and they get out on the dance floor
[08:39] But they just can't let it all hang out like an Olympic swimmer in a wading pool They just can't completely let loose and it's obvious a lot of times They just end up looking like us boogie challenged gringos And by the way, that's a huge testament to the power of the gringo advantage that a giant percentage of Latins Especially Latin women will sacrifice one of their favorite past times balls to the wall dancing like only they can do it Just for the first world coolness factor of attending a rock concert In fact I've had this discussion before with a number of young Latin girls and some of them admit that they do listen to rock radio Stations and watch Latin rock MTV like shows which are on all over the cable channels these days Not because they really like the music so much, but because it's the fashion
[09:26] It's the thing to do in fact if you've ever seen a Latin heavy metal concert Which is a pretty depressing phenomena the audience there looks and acts like a carbon copy of a first world heavy metal crowd You guessed it just loaded with tattooed and pierced headbangers, too The fact is Latin Americans need salsa and punta and raggy and tango and rumba to really kick out the Latin jams on The dance floor they get none of that with Latin rock But they do get the first world coolness factor at least they think they do which I guess is why So many young Latin teenagers are addicted to watching the Kardashians to Subtitled in Spanish of course now as Chester a Riley used to say man if that ain't a revolt and development Now I'm really dating myself and who was Chester a Riley well
[10:15] William Bendix of course the life of Riley now I know what some of you guys are thinking you're thinking leave those poor Latins alone Let them have their rock and roll who cares if they copy AC DC or the red hot chili peppers as long as they're having fun Right well, okay I can go with you on that halfway But the problem is you see they also steal licks and chords from the likes of Kenny G Michael Bolton and air supply too as if the original songs weren't putrid enough So when you do get down here get ready to hear Lady in red And I just called to say I love you about 700 times a week now If you're not thick-skinned about that kind of stuff you could do with expat Eddie says He says hang on to those unused airplane vomit bags because when you get to the airport lounge, you'll need them
[11:02] Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, since we are on top of Halloween now I want to finish this thing off about Latin American superstitions, and here's my favorite After a child is born soon enough family friends and neighbors are gonna come by and focus in on the cutest part of the baby whether it's his hair or his ears or his face or his eyes and as soon as there's a Consensus as to what's the most delightful feature on that baby? The mother is supposed to clip a tiny pink ribbon somewhere on the baby's clothes. That's done as protection So when the baby grows up that outstanding feature the eyes the nose the hair Whatever remains an outstanding feature and doesn't change or fade away as the baby gets older now If you remember like I said in the past show a pretty good percentage of Latin babies are born with blue eyes
[11:50] About one and maybe five or ten Latin babies However, as the babies get older only about one in ten thousand of those babies retains those blue eyes because of a gringo parent or a strong northern European bloodline that overrides the dominant Latin trait of coffee colored brown or even black eyes and by the way to me and a lot of Pure black eyes. It's something that really grabs your attention We never see that kind of thing up in Cleveland unless of course your roofer or your drywall or or your gardener's name is Julio Or Jesus just like black eyes are almost non existent in traditional Caucasian neighborhoods up in the first world Blue green and gray eyes are as rare as hen's teeth down here in Latin America
[12:38] And that's why the blue colored contact lens business is booming anyway As you might imagine with that superstition in mind when a kid's born with blue eyes Instantly the family and friends start raving then obviously mommy runs out and gets that red ribbon and clips it on to juniors diapers And of course, it never works babies eyes switch to brown But it doesn't matter Latin moms keep pitting in on those red ribbons go figure and by the way Like I said before that's a huge part of the gringo advantage If you have blue green gray or hazel eyes You could be a fat greasy haired booger-eaten first world nerd and those blue eyes will tend to erase all your defects Like expat Eddie always says clear eyes open doors And by the way clear eyes is the generic term that latin's use for blue gray green or hazel eyes
[13:26] Oh hose kladdos clear eyes in English, but don't take my word for it You'll have to come down here and see that for yourself and for all you unfortunate Overweight ugly first world ladies who might be nerds too if you have oh hose kladdos clear eyes You can look like a white Oprah and it doesn't matter You'll still be able to hook up with any suave handsome Antonio banderes look alike that you set your sights on even a rich one Because you see Latins of all classes are looking to strengthen their bloodlines in genetics and are always hoping that the next generation of their Kids will be taller Blonder lighter and have clearer eyes than their parents did and the only way to do that is to mix gringo or European blood into the family now I know that sounds crude and politically incorrect
[14:12] But that's exactly what Prince Charles did when he married Princess Diana Until she married into that family the royal family of Windsor had a case of terminal ugliness I mean really check out old Charlie's rooster beak is weak chin in those ears But the two kids well somehow she broke the genetic curse But like I said if you were born a first-world loser a pock face booger-eaten overweight nerd With blue or green eyes if you plan on relocating to Latin America get ready for a life-altering shock But if you're planning on coming down do send me your itinerary so I can be out of town when you get here Better yet, I'll give you Eddie's phone number and you can hang out with him. You know, I'm just kidding, right? Oh and by the way, here's something for you first world ladies that are thinking of coming down here and hooking up with the Latin guy for
[15:02] You first world ladies coming on down There's a new wrinkle in the dating game that you really should be aware of now single lady Expats that have been down here for a little while Let's say half year to a year soon enough They learn all the games and tricks that Latin guys play to try to hook up with them because like I've said so many times Before first world women are in huge demand down here In fact, like I was told by one expat lady that I know who's about 31 or 32 and she considers herself a Solid 5 on the 10 scale at least up in the first world She tells me that just walking casually to the bakery or through a mall She'll get hit on no less than 10 times after an hour in a public place like that She said it's the kind of attention she never got in her whole life when living back in the States and that it was something that she really wish would have happened to her back in high school and
[15:54] Never ever did but now that it's happening down here in Latin America Suffices to say she says be careful what you wish for you'll more than likely get it Anyway, she says one of the easy ways not to kid hit on is to dress way way down That'll lower the frequency of hits but not completely and like she says she likes to dress nice So that's not a good option for her unless she's in a crummy neighborhood Anyway, she's been down here long enough to know how to deal with the guys hitting on her and like she says Oftentimes it doesn't do any good to ignore them because some of these guys are so persistent They'll stalk you right through the shopping mall get in the elevator with you ride behind you on the escalator Show up in the parking lot to help you with your packages and worse is when these guys have body guards
[16:40] Who come right up and approach you hand you a business card and say my boss would like to meet you for a coffee How about it these guys thinking of course having bodyguards in an entourage is gonna really impress a girl Well, it does Latin ladies But few first-world women who've been down here a while fall for that trick since these guys with bodyguards are nearly Always married with kids and are just looking for an affair or a mistress now this gringa friend of mine who knows the ropes Down here. She said the first thing an unmarried gringa woman has to learn when she's actually a bit interested in the guy That's hitting on her is whether he's really married or not because every Latin guy on the make will say he isn't and Like she says in her age group lower 30s and up about a good 80% of the guys that hit on her are married
[17:30] But of course they lie and they say they're not now She said when she first got down here, which wasn't so long ago It didn't take long to figure out who was married and who wasn't aside from the circular Indentation on the skin on the wedding ring finger sans wedding ring Of course the biggest telltale sign was that the guy would wiggle out of giving her his phone number he'd say he lost his phone or it got stolen recently and he'd asked for her number and When she heard a story like that and she heard plenty of them the warning bells would go off So soon enough this became her acid test For whether a guy was BSing or not about being married since if he was putting the moves on her and she had His number that would put his family life at risk if he was BSing and was really married because you see if she called
[18:20] Or text messaged him whether his wife was around or not when she did it There still would be a great chance that the wife would find out about it Because married Latin women are always suspicious that their men are cheating on him So they take every chance they can get like for example when the husband's in the bathroom To grab his phone and run down all the calls and text messages. He's been sending and receiving You can see the problem there, right? So anyway, this first world gringo friend of mine says the way she separates out the guys that BS Is that when a guy she's a bit interested in asks her for her phone number? She'd say no give me yours first and I'll call you I'll do it right now and when I do you'll have my caller ID and I'll have your number too and the
[19:07] 80% of guys who fumble around and try to make excuses why they can't do that Well, that's the end of that for her at least that was the case up until about six months or so ago When a new wrinkle entered the equation because that's when the phone manufacturers started introducing down here in Latin America Cell phones that could accommodate two separate sim chips at one time In other words, you can have a chip in one slot for one particular phone carrier like for example clado Claro, which is a huge cell phone provider company right now available in about 15 different Latin countries And in the other slot you could slip a T go sim chip Which is another cell phone provider company or you can slip in a sim chip from a company called Moby star
[19:57] Etc. Etc down here There are about a half a dozen cell phone providers or you can stick in two sim chips from the same company It doesn't matter and the trick is you set your phone up So you recognize a call coming in on one of those chips or the other by setting up a different ringtone for each So what married men quickly learned was that they could buy one of these dual chip cell phones stick in one sim chip from one company and a sim chip from yet another and they could reserve one of those chips for All their private phone calls with their girlfriends lovers and mistresses and anything else They didn't want their wives to know about and use the other sim chip for regular family and business and personal calls That were not at all underhanded or suspicious
[20:45] Now my ex-pat gringa friend says now a lot of married men are wise to this and have phones like that So they're more than willing to give you their phone number now knowing they can keep that line completely different from the one the wife Knows about so now it's a little more difficult for gringas like her to trap one of these guys in a lie But like she said eventually the chickens come home to roost She says you start figuring something's up when he avoids showing you where he lives or where he works and is Unavailable and goes on frequent business trips for three or four days at a time though She says our telltale signs that a guy's got a family and a wife somewhere and ladies She's got a lot more to say about this subject and we'll be sure to get to that on a future show So stay tuned now speaking of the Spanish language
[21:33] I have to mention here that there are some words in Spanish that have no single English word translation So when you first hear them in common speech, it's easy to get confused and lose the gist of what's being said so let me just run a few of these down for you first there's the common Spanish word travie so for a guy or a Boy and travie s for a lady or a girl now if you look it up in a dictionary It says mischievous or naughty But it's a lot more than that because you see if you tell a woman that her kid is travie s Oh, it's a pretty big insult and she's probably never gonna get over the fact that you said that about her kid now Of course, if you told a woman up in Cleveland that her kid was mischievous or naughty She'd probably laugh and agree with you and wouldn't hold it against you at all now. Here's a word that's used all the time
[22:21] estreñar Estreñar it basically means to use or do something for the very first time For example, if a movie at the show is estreñar That means it's being shown for the first time or if a lady buys a dress to estreñar We're talking about the first time she's gonna wear it. It doesn't mean new or fresh which are logical guesses But more like the English phrase world premiere or to be premiered. Does that make sense to you? I'll tell you when you first hear that word estreñar It really doesn't make sense at all, but eventually even the thickest gringo catches on now get this in Spanish They have a word for the sensation you feel after you're eating too much chocolate or too many sweets And you need to kill the previous taste on your tongue
[23:07] Is that weird or what and the word is m balagarse m balagarse? Just think of like water for chocolate now Here's one that got me when I first got down here the word free olero now It sounds like free holy so I thought since it had the term olero at the end That's usually part of a person's profession So for example a sapatero is a guy who makes shoes Because sapato is a shoe and you add the arrow at the end of it and that's his profession or a camion arrow That's a truck driver The first part of the word camion meaning truck and arrow added to it makes it his profession And that's a little lesson for you in itself when you see the suffix arrow added to a noun many times It'll denote a person's profession
[23:54] So I thought a free olero was a guy who cooked up refried beans You know free hollies for a living like all the guys in the back room at Taco Bell Boy was I wrong a free olero is actually a person who's extremely sensitive to cold temperatures Someone who likes to be a little extra warm all the time You know like your old grandma who's always got the heat cranked up to about 82 in her apartment because she is Constantly cold in Spanish. She's a free hollero And more power to her if she can cook up a batch of refried beans too Which begs the question what is the profession of a person who cooks refried beans for a living? Would it be Don free Holy? Now Don free holy literally translates to mr. Bean which makes sense, but that's not right
[24:44] Mr. Beans in Hollywood making bad movies enough said about that Now it is true that Latin America really does have a terrible water pollution problem And I've talked a bit about that on previous shows and what you have to do to overcome that problem But I still get emails with water questions all the time Almost everyone who listens to this program knows that I use my own under the sink water purification system a two stage job The first stage being a ceramic 0.1 micron filter and the second high quality carbon block filter Now I do move around a lot But whenever i'm stationary for a while in an apartment or a house for more than a couple of months I install that cheap and simple water purification system And of course if you go to expatwisdom.com i'll give you the complete instructions and diagrams how to do it yourself
[25:33] So if you have a big pool supply outfit close by or even a home depot or any of the big Home construction retail outlets you can pick up all the parts very cheap easily under a hundred bucks And I guarantee you'll have the best purest water in your neighborhood If not your city and since down here in latin america, it's so hot and there's so many pools There's a lot of competition in the pool supply business in every city So you'll be able to pick up all the parts at a pool supply down here too Also for under a hundred bucks But you have to know how to put the thing together So go to expatwisdom.com for the free simple and easy instructions for one of the best and cheapest Under counter water purification systems you can get sure for a couple hundred bucks You can get a complete kit from coligan or any of a dozen other manufacturers
[26:21] This one's just as good if not better and it's under a hundred and of course when i'm on the road I carry one of those great little soyer filters. That's soyer S-a-y-w-e-r and those run around 50 bucks But they last forever and they hook right onto a kitchen faucet And what's really nice is the thing is no bigger than a single serving yogurt cup But when i'm on the road, I combine that filter with a charcoal post filter I use the little black carbon filter from katydin which runs around 20 bucks and comes with three carbon refill packs And how it works is I run a hose directly out of the soyer filter into the charcoal filter And the water coming out of the charcoal filter. I fill my jug or container And that little charcoal filter is there to take out organics and things like pesticides and chlorine
[27:09] Now I do get emails from people asking me all the time what I think of reverse osmosis systems Since now they're available pretty much everywhere up north and down here, too And here they run around two to three hundred bucks Oops, I guess i'll have to finish off that thought next week since i'm running up against the wall for time Just know that I do not recommend reverse osmosis South of the border You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america coming to you twice a week from somewhere south of the border Email me the expat files at gmail.com And don't forget to check out expatwisdom.com to sign up for your free reports on latin america See you next time