#307 – The Expat Files: Life in Latin America – Waste, Language, and Cultural Nuances

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America the show that tells you just what it's like to live Work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Before we get rocking here today. I'd like to remind all of you who'd like to sign up for my January 2014 expat wisdom Seminar down here in Latin America way off the tourist trail to go to expat wisdom calm and click on the latin

[00:47] Seminar link for full details. I only have it set up for 24 attendees and I'm over half filled already So get on the expat wisdom website and check it out Now in my last show I didn't finish off what I was talking about as usual and I was mentioning how those decrepit public Hospitals in Latin America are producing both medical waste and low-level Medical nuclear waste that often ends up in public landfills though No one's talking about it and worse yet those public landfills also support little communities of people that live like human rats and they have their houses built right on top of the garbage and the men women and children that live there actually survived on the refuse and junk and whatever they can recycle and Naturally, these folks have no plumbing running water or sanitary facilities of any kind

[01:33] I mean, how can you use the word sanitary when you live in the dump? so like I said a lot of medical and low-level nuclear waste ends up in public dumps and by the way if you're into Charity or have a do-gooder streak in you and you really want to help the locals out and not just get that false Feel-good sensation when you donate to a charity do not donate to anyone or any organization that's asking for money Instead if you really want to do some lasting good go right to the dump and help these kids and families out They need practically everything. So if you really want to do some good, that's a great place to start In fact, if you can afford 50 bucks a month You could send a kid that lives at the dump to a very decent local 100% private grade school or high school Then you'd be doing a kid like that a ton of good since generally these kids that live at the dump

[02:21] Don't even get a chance to go to a thoroughly decrepit public school. Why? They're just too busy sorting through garbage and have to make a few cents a day so their family can survive And I really mean a few cents a day. In fact, most kids in the dump that are recycling things average 25 US cents a day sorting and recycling paper and bottles and wood and stuff That means these kids live on about seven dollars and fifty cents a month So if you're down here and are wondering who needs a little bit of charity the most well, there it is Anyway, you get the idea Now in the last show I also mentioned that private hospitals and private clinics handle their medical waste at their own facilities and most of them do use all The proper incineration techniques that are approved for handling and destroying medical waste up in the first world

[03:07] Though you might ask who's watching the store if they're not doing it that way Well, the answer is they are not the government that said let me throw this scenario at you For example, if you worked at that hospital and suspected they weren't disposing of their medical hazardous waste in an approved way Or just mixing it with the regular garbage that ends up in the local landfill If you were upset about it and were a whistleblower, there'd really be no one to blow your whistle, too Okay, but what about the local Latin health department? And yes, every Latin town and city has one They have their number in the phone book and on the government internet website Chances are if you called them up and reported such a thing They wouldn't show up for a couple of weeks if at all The most likely excuse being our vehicle or vehicles are in the shop or we ran out of our monthly allotment of gasoline

[03:57] But even more likely is that no one will answer the phone or you'll get a perpetual busy signal And if you get on the government internet site and you try to send them an email Well, all I got to say is you're better off buying a lottery ticket Which begs the question is totally unresponsive and inept government a good or a bad thing? Well, the vast majority of long-term expats and myself think it's a good thing That is keeping the damn government's nose out of everything However, that also means you as a consumer have to be vigilant and ask a lot of questions. So what's wrong with that? Well, the problem with that is the vast majority of first world Americans are so used to being coddled by the nanny state up there That they're not very inquisitive or discriminating consumers anymore So when Americans of that mindset actually get down to Latin America and not many of them do

[04:44] They end up having a big period of adjustment and after a while many of them just end up going back Those are people who can't do much for themselves. They missed a nanny state and prefer the devil They know the fact is like expat Eddie says some people just cannot take a huge dose of freedom all at once And that's why it's a fact that so many expats who do come down here the ones that don't have a lot of self-confidence they actively seek out other gringos instead of trying bit by bit to blend in with the rest of Latin society and at first Almost all of us do that and there's nothing really wrong with it in the beginning because you're just getting your bearings in Those first couple of months to each his own but in the long run I don't recommend it and when you come down here, you'll know what I mean You know one of the biggest regrets I hear from some of the long-term expats that I meet is that they

[05:32] Didn't try hard enough to get to know the local Latins and blend in a little bit with them and they wish they Wouldn't have hung around with so many gringo expats now, of course I'm not talking about hanging around with your cleaning lady or your gardener But I'm talking about actually trying to communicate with Latins of the middle and upper classes and learning Decent enough Spanish so that you could have a nice conversation about pretty much anything For example when you run into your Latin neighbors at the grocery store You like to be able to say more than hola buenos dias hell parrots down here have bigger vocabularies than that In fact, you wouldn't believe how many gringos I know that I've been down here 10 years or so and they still can't have a decent conversation in Spanish with a local I know longtime gringos who still have their gardeners and cleaning ladies doing deals for them at the store

[06:19] So naturally if you don't know the language, you don't get invited to too many parties now I'm not saying you have to take a crash course in Spanish here In fact, it took me a good five years of being down here before I felt comfortable enough at one of these parties to talk about Something other than the weather or the traffic and believe me You're never even gonna get that far if you continuously hang out with gringos. So Unfortunately, if you live in a resort town or places like Costa Rica Panama and Cancun I can pretty much guarantee your Spanish is never gonna evolve beyond a certain point not without some real effort Anyway, and don't expect too much help from the locals at all either They'll want to milk you for your English skills and practice on you Oh, and by the way since I mentioned being invited to some of your Latin neighbors parties and such There's one bittersweet thing in learning your Spanish and hanging and talking with the neighbors a bit

[07:09] Which goes along with being accepted little by little by the local Latin community that said here's something that you really have to look out For and I'm warning you right now. So pay attention once you get a little bit friendly with Latin neighbors I mean middle-class Latins and above and as you start getting invited to barbecues and quince años parties and such I can guarantee you that soon enough You're gonna be asked to be a godmother or a godfather for one of their kids Now I don't have to tell you that this is one of the biggest feathers in a family's cap to have a gringo as one Of their kids godmother or godfather. That's Madrina for godmother or padrino for godfather. Just like in the movie Anyway, if you accept an honor like that and it's pretty hard to refuse

[07:55] You're pretty much stuck as a fringe member of that family forever And because you are that rare gringo godfather or godmother the family and the kid will be so happy about it They'll spread the word far and wide it'd be like you having George Clooney's brother as your godfather and though George Clooney's brother might be a used car salesman somewhere there is That slight connection to greatness there, right? And that's kind of how you're standing as a gringo is down here when you're off the tourist trail back home in Cleveland You're a nobody but down here Well, you get the idea and if you accept that responsibility of being some Latin kids godfather You're gonna get tapped to go to every single family function There is even family functions that have nothing to do with your godchild and no up in the states It doesn't mean much down here. They take that stuff awful seriously

[08:42] And besides when we're talking about middle-class Latin families here middle class by their standards, of course not ours That means suddenly that kids got a rich first-world permanent connection and that's you who else Now you might be thinking that the family is thinking you're that fast-track to a green card to that kid sometime in the future And maybe to the rest of the family to the fact is when a gringo has been roped into a family like that It can get complicated to say the least and it doesn't really matter if the family's middle-class or filthy rich It gets complicated believe me So is it mostly about what you can do for that kid and possibly that green card thing? Well, who knows what everyone in the family is thinking but that's not necessarily out of the realm of possibility

[09:29] Of course, the kid doesn't know anything about that stuff But you can bet someone in the family's thinking about it down here when Christmas and birthdays come along Godparents always are expected to come through with a present or two a present by the way befitting your wealth and status as a Gringo that means in your case, you're gonna have to buy something decent a couple times a year So don't be thinking it's such a great thing if a wealthy family picks you as a godfather Over a middle-class family because you will have to come through each year with at least two presents That's a birthday present and a Christmas present. And if your god kid comes from a wealthy family believe me your presents are gonna be scrutinized so that means if your god kid is from a middle-class family a $10 gift will be well appreciated Which just won't cut it at all if daddy's got a Porsche and your god child has his own bodyguards

[10:20] If you know what I mean now generally I make it a point not to hang around with those kind of people anyway But sometimes especially off the tourist trail We are first world Gringos in demand and we get sucked into those kind of circles I mean, let's face it if you come from the middle classes up in the States and suddenly you're sucked into the world of bodyguards And helicopters and beach houses and such and now it's you middle-class Harvey from Cleveland who is the guest of honor and treated like a king Well, it's hard not to be dazzled by that stuff at first But believe me, it does get old and those kind of pretentious people tiresome, but I'll admit it's fun at first But beware if you're asked to be the godfather or godmother to one of their kids Then you just might be stuck in a social circle that you can't afford to be in and what do I mean by that? Well people with that kind of money are sometimes the jet-setter type. They'll go to the most expensive clubs and restaurants

[11:08] They'll have top country club memberships, and they're not gonna foot the bill for you every time Though you will get invited every time at least at first till you've ducked out of it enough so that the invites Basically taper off and peter out and yet you will remain a godparent to that kid forever Which puts you between a rock and a hard place doesn't it because as a godparent in Latin America? You'll have certain responsibilities Unlike the basic ceremonial godfather role in the States where you just attend the kids baptism and after that you just kind of fade into The sunset when you're a godparent to a Latin kid You'll be expected to attend the birthdays and the Christmas things the graduations the plays Etc blah blah blah and if you're not there or don't call and give your regrets with a great excuse like you're gonna be out

[11:54] Of the country or you have cancer your absence will be Conspicuously noted because like I said in a lot of ways living in Latin America is like living back in the 50s or 60s And back then in the States a godmother or a godfather Actually did have a lot more of a personal connection than they do today Today up in the States a godparent means practically nothing so anyway when asked to be a godparent There are very few ways to get out of it without causing some embarrassment or hard feelings along the way since to Latin folks being selected is a huge badge of honor and To refuse it is kind of a slap in the face now as you might imagine since expat Eddie has a number of restaurants He also has a few professionals that help with the business like an accountant and a lawyer And he's got a couple of college educated managers and administrators, too

[12:43] And Eddie being the boss has been invited to quite a few get-togethers at their houses So naturally you guessed it Eddie himself has been in a situation a number of times Where he's been asked to be a godfather to one of their kids and Eddie being the nice casual guy that he is doesn't know How to say no so at last count Eddie's the godfather to four different Latin kids Which always makes me laugh because Eddie doesn't have any kids of his own now Eddie likes kids well enough But he's not one to keep track of kids birthdays or by presents or anything in fact I don't even think he could recognize one of his own godkids on the street or for that matter get their names Right if he did, but I guess that's a guy thing in general anyway If you think that Eddie was somehow badgered into being a godfather That's really not the case at all because if you talk to his girlfriend

[13:30] You'll find that she had a lot to do with him agreeing to it since she promised that she'd take care of everything All the details and the dates and she does and she makes excuses for Eddie when he can't make it to one of those parties And for Eddie with all those restaurants and that's all that Responsibility when he uses that I'm working late excuse to get out of anything it works every time But like I said his girlfriend handles that end of things and if he does show up at a birthday Christmas party or some other event his girlfriend always gives him a heads up on what godchild he's gonna meet. Oh And another thing you should know about Latin women all you gringos out there you expat wannabes and gonna bees Who have visions someday of hooking up with a latin girlfriend or wife you should know this Someday you're gonna come home from work or you're gonna get a call from your girlfriend or wife and she's gonna tell you the good

[14:18] News to her. It's good news Anyway, that you're gonna be a padrino a godfather and how does that happen? Well, you see many times it turns out when a latin family would like a gringo to be a godfather They don't exactly approach him directly. Maybe it's out of embarrassment. Maybe it's a language problem, but they'll go behind your back That's why when there's a gringo involved many times the idea is sprung on the latin girlfriend or wife first And the way the kids parents will do that is a bit sneaky And by the way, it'll be the mother of the kid that does it not the father He usually has nothing much to do with the godfather and godmother selection process pretty much like men up in the states anyway, they'll ask your girlfriend or wife to be a godmother and then slip in the fact that they'd like you the gringo to be the

[15:06] godfather too and naturally since latin women just love kids and think it's the greatest thing in the world to be a madrina or Godmother too as you've probably figured out asking her to be a godmother first is a surefire way to suck you into the deal Too in fact, she'll wrap up the deal for the both of you and there'll be no way to get out of that one So the question is is there a way you can get out of it gracefully? Well about the only way is to lie I found for example what works for me is to tell them that you're already godfather to like eight or ten kids So your boats already full and you can't take anymore That's about the only answer parents seem to understand now you might be wondering how many godchildren do I have? Well, I have one up in the states my sister's kid, and she's 20 something and married, so there's no problem there at all

[15:55] And I also have one in Latin America, and I was sucked into that one by that back door sneak attack I just told you about and since then I've been on high alert So no one's gonna pull that on me again And that means now all you wannabes and guna bees listen up if you have a latin wife or girlfriend Make sure you lay the law down on her good and hard Never to agree to be a godmother or you a godfather behind your back But also remember that latin women are very soft touches for babies So there's no hundred percent guarantee that she won't cave with the right approach either so anyway Just look out for that and for all you first-world lady wannabes and guna bees who eventually are going to come down and are thinking Of hooking up with a latin guy boyfriend or husband that is what you're gonna have to worry about is his family

[16:42] Trying to tap you as godmother for as many of their kids as they can so keep your radar up for that Okay, so much for the latin sociology lesson for the day Anyway, I was talking about those private hospitals and clinics and yes, they're the only ones I recommend expats use and of course they too produce medical hazardous waste that most of them Eliminate on the premises with their own incinerators But what about that radioactive medical waste that all hospitals and clinics produce these days? And yes, of course, it's low-level nuclear waste on a small scale, but still it's nuclear waste and it's dangerous Well, you know what? I can't seem to find out just what happens to that stuff That is after it leaves the hospital now some hospitals and clinics say they have a service that picks that stuff up

[17:30] Well, you know what? I say good luck with that The truth is all I have to do is buy a truck put a hazardous radiation symbol on the back of it Incorporate my business get what they call a sanitation permit, which costs about 200 bucks and I'm in business I can haul hazardous and low-level hospital nuclear waste, too Then I could either rent or buy a cheap piece of land and bury this stuff or just do a midnight dump in a river Or a ravine like so many garbage companies do like I said There are basically no garbage or hazardous waste police to enforce any of the dumping laws on the books But that's just the point. What do you think happens to the real big-time? Massive nuclear waste that comes out of a power plant Especially when the first world doesn't know what to do with theirs Actually, they do know what to do it there They'd love to ship it to Latin America and Latin American governments would love to take it off their hands

[18:20] For the right price and a little grease under the table of course and over the years Some of that waste has actually made it over here to Latin America and nobody seems to know when or where Though I think with a little digging and a few bribes that is more Dita A good reporter could find out or get buried where that stuff got buried in the process You get the point now you might remember on a previous show a couple weeks ago I mentioned that Bolivia figures it's gonna run out of oil and natural gas in about 25 years at the rate They're pumping it out now and thus as a move toward the future are negotiating with France and Argentina to start a nuclear power program Since Bolivia has plenty of uranium ore which means if and when they get nuclear reactors They'll have nuclear waste to dispose of and now you have a little background on how Latin American countries deal with that or more precisely

[19:07] How they don't so now you're thinking maybe I shouldn't become an expat in Bolivia now I'm not saying that Bolivia is gonna have nuclear reactors for sure It's just that these Latin government times are as thick as bricks They have terribly incomplete educations and are totally driven by money and ego Hmm sounds like a first-world disease doesn't it? Anyway, you think these guys have never picked up an international newspaper and read about Fukushima And they probably never had a real science course out of high school either if they even went to high school and believe me right now throughout Latin America about 25% of the mayors and mayoral candidates in elections do not even have a high school diploma now to some of us that sounds like a positive thing because you think that someone that thick that ignorant and

[19:53] Unsophisticated can't possibly cause much damage not near as much damage anyway as one of our Harvard or Princeton ass white politicians up in the states can do and that's basically true in most cases But just imagine now our 10th grade educated mayor with the gold front tooth Confronted with a truckload of hot nuclear waste some trucking companies trying to get rid of I may be wrong But personally I think he'll take a lot smaller bribe than a Harvard or Princeton man will to look the other way Now if you think what I've told you about Bolivia is not listen to this now You might remember that in 2010 was such a huge earthquake in Chile And it shifted the center of the Earth's mass so much that it actually permanently shortened the length of our day

[20:40] Well, maybe you don't read Scientific American, but you might have heard that now This is one of the biggest earthquakes ever recorded 8.8 magnitude if you remember it caused a huge tsunami and Enormous destruction killing I guess around 500 people leaving about a million and a half people displaced for months Oh, and by the way in 1960 the biggest earthquake known to man hit it was a 9.5 in the very same area So what does that have to do with anything? Well listen to this even before Chile completed their massive Reconstruction and repair efforts after that massive earthquake and tsunami Chile's president Sebastian Panera Continues to say that he wants nuclear power generation in the country now if that's not insane

[21:25] I don't know. What is so now continuing with those efforts Chile has a nuclear energy ministry and they're busy Lee at work drawing up plans for nuclear reactors and Even though most educated Chileans think their president is nuts They knew his policies before they voted him in so like Benjamin Franklin once said you get the crap government you deserve Or was it horse crap government? I can't remember Alright, so expats were thinking Chile's a nice safe Ecologically sound place. Well besides being first world expensive. You've got a scientifically illiterate nutcase for president So what about those other three nuclear latin countries? Well get this in Mexico They have two nuclear plants now both located on a very earthquake prone highly seismically active area on the Pacific coast and after

[22:15] Fukushima they had this idiotic but predictable response in a press release The Mexican nuclear authorities said they thoroughly inspected the plants safeguards and found it was safe to continue operating them Yeah, just like Mexican environmental authorities and roadway authorities thoroughly inspect Mexican highway construction Projects which are funded and planned by the Mexican government Of course yet not one of these projects meets international road construction standards Nor do any of their national bridges or turnpikes In fact none of the roads and bridges in Latin America Except ones built and completed by foreigners would pass a first world international inspection So substandard road and highway construction is the norm in Mexico and everywhere else in Latin America

[23:02] So how does that happen? Well, what you have is Latin government road inspectors that are lazy shift lists take bribes and got their jobs through nepotism And this is the same government in charge of a couple of nuclear power plants, you know So anyway after Fukushima and the inspection of those two Mexican nuclear power plants The lunatic Mexican government is continuing with its plan to add up to ten additional nuclear reactors by 2028 and guess where they're gonna put those reactors in places with high electric power demand like for example where gringo tourists hang out and they have mega hotel complexes that use a lot of power and Where there's a big demand for air conditioning 24-7. I mean, come on. Do we need any more reasons not to live in Mexico? Now here's what some in Mexico consider good news. Mexico has recently uncovered a bonanza of shale gas

[23:53] 11 times its prior estimated reserves and guess what that means big-time fracking in a country that does have environmental laws But they rarely get enforced because the cops have better things to do like pulling over expats gringos and tourists on Highways in broad daylight and extorting money out of them And that's no joke that happened to the last three people I spoke to that drove recently through Mexico And by the way, if you think Mexicans give one damn about enforcing any environmental laws Just take a ride south of the Texas border someday and see the horribly polluted rivers and factory strips that have become a trademark Stinky smelly industrial center on second thought don't drive down to see them because you'll probably get robbed along the way Just do a web search. Anyway, because of this shale gas find and all the fracking that's gonna come from it

[24:40] It doesn't look like Mexico is gonna add 10 more nuclear power plants by 2025 Only two will be added by then with the other eight being phased in later. Isn't that great news now? Like I said Argentina and Brazil are the only other countries in Latin America with Operational nuclear reactors right now and Bolivia well, maybe in 10 or 20 years But by then the whole world will be a completely different place Anyway, as of now Argentina has three nuclear reactors the last one nearly done coming online Supposedly by January 1st 2014 with two more new plants ready to break ground But here's what you didn't know the third reactor that's coming online right now is behind schedule. It's 24 years behind schedule

[25:27] The ground was first broken for that thing more than 24 years ago The Egyptians didn't take that long to build the pyramids So they've been building it in fits and starts for 24 years That means many parts of that reactor are already well beyond their expiration date Would you want to live next to that thing? And you see that's a perfect example how governments do things in Latin America down here We call that manana time though Obviously 24 years is an extreme case of manana time And that's why I say when Evo Morales promises in a press release that he's gonna have a nuclear reactor by 2025 or bust well, he's gonna bust Anyway, always beware when any Latin American whether he's the president of a country or this shoeshine boy Puts a time constraint or timetable on anything

[26:13] The fact is Latin Americans are unconcerned about time which might be one reason why they're much happier than we are and the ones that live well into old age don't suffer near as many maladies as first world old-timers do and Speaking of manana time and time in general. Here's another thing you'll notice when you're in Latin America Practically any building you walk into that's over two or three years old The majority of hard-wired clocks in the place just won't be working, but they will be correct two times a day I just said that in case you were falling asleep The fact is you can walk into a hotel or an airport or a church or worse yet any Government building and see what once were big expensive clocks all over the place that no longer work It's just a typical symptom of Latin inefficiency and crap maintenance and disregard for a precise time in general

[27:04] Now you see this especially in government buildings where hard-wired clocks are everywhere yet after a few years None of them work now with newer private buildings and banks and office towers It seems to be a different story many of the clocks do work But even gigantic outdoor clocks that are supposed to be statements or works of art I'm talking about outside of government buildings again. They just don't work speaking of time I'm running out and I'll be on topic next time. So stay tuned South of the border Down Mexico way you've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America coming to you twice a week from somewhere south of the border Email me the expat files at gmail.com And don't forget to check out expat wisdom calm to sign up for your free reports on Latin America

[27:52] See you next time. No spamos