#35 – The Expat Files: Challenges of Traveling in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:11] Hi everybody, I'm Johnny Mueller, and you're listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America, the one-of-a-kind show that tells you what it's like to live, work, play, and or retire in Latin America, so let's get started. Since I'm here to tell you what it's really like to live as an expat down here, and to warn you about the potholes before you fall into them, I'm going to mention something right now that's very bothersome to me and a lot of expats, and I'm talking about when we see clueless first world women from both the United States and Europe wandering around down here in pairs, and even worse, all alone. Now I'm not at all against women traveling in pairs or alone when they're down here hanging around in the tourist spots, or when they're hooked up with a large tour group, which is

[00:57] just fine, because the tourist spots are always much more safer for women travelers than in the places off the tourist track. It's when I see pairs of women, or even lone women, walking around in places where you normally barely see a tourist at all. Now that's when the bell goes off in my head, but obviously it doesn't ring much of a bell in theirs. Now that's scary, because even seasoned travelers like me, who know the ins and outs of these people, much less walk around in. In some of these lone women travelers, they just don't have a clue as to how really dangerous it can be down here. Now I don't know if these women travelers are just naive, or it's just that they're overconfident from backpacking through much safer places in the world, like Europe, India,

[01:45] China, or maybe Japan. And I know how it is, a lot of expats I know did a nice leisurely backpacking trip through Europe before they ever came down to Latin America. And on their next vacation, they came down here backpacking, thinking they were going to make an easy job of it. But the fact is, roughing it down here is a lot different than roughing it, on the outskirts of Paris, believe me. And when you're in a place where there's not a lot of tourists, and you don't have a good idea exactly where you are, and with night coming on, you're getting a little bit desperate, so you walk up to someone in a bus station and say something like this. Can you direct me to the nearest backpacker hotel or youth hostel? I mean, you might ask that same question to anybody in Nice, Paris, or central London, and you'll get a decent and reasonable answer. But if you're a backpacking woman alone in Managua, Nicaragua, or in downtown El Salvador,

[02:35] you might get a nice, rational, and reasonable answer to that question too. But there's also a small chance you could be walking right into a setup. So all you lady backpackers out there who like to do it alone or in pairs, if you think hiking through Latin America is just a rougher version of merrily hiking through the south of France, well, you'd need a reality check. Down here, women alone or traveling in pairs have a lot more to worry about than bathrooms without toilet paper and no wifi connection. That's for sure. And it's true in the tourist areas that you'll see a lot of young ladies in typical backpacker mode, and to tell you the truth, they don't look like they're having any fun. You know the type. Bermuda shorts, greasy hair, bug bites up and down their sunburned legs, exhausted from

[03:22] hauling around an overstuffed backpack, collapsing on the ground anywhere they can, just to get some relief, any relief, from those straps cutting into their shoulders. Sorry, but that's not my idea of a good vacation. How about you? And I know a lot of you first-worlders out there are into hiking and backpacking. Nothing against that. It can be a lot of fun. But sometimes I wonder when people come down to Latin America to backpack, they seem to have forgotten about a few key important things, like the weather down here, for instance. The climate's not quite like the United States or Europe in the summer. I mean, down here, you don't have those nice 70-degree low-humidity days, like you do up north. Because you see, the thing is, down here, almost all year round, you're looking at 80, 90, and 100-degree days, often with 100% humidity.

[04:11] And don't forget those flash tropical storms. Because if you don't have an umbrella on hand, in about 10 seconds you'll be soaked to the skin. And in that case, you better hope that backpack of yours doesn't have any tears or gaps in it. And when those nice walking shoes of yours get soaked, well, I hope you like squishing around all day in them. Now that 90-degree plus tropical weather, along with that high humidity, and occasional drenching rain, now that might be just fine if you're sitting at a tropical beach somewhere sucking on a pina colada in your bathing suit. But hauling around a 50-pound sack of dirty clothes on your back, now that's another story. So call me a wimp. Call me what you want. But that's not my idea of a cool vacation, even though a lot of my expat friends tried it the first time they came down.

[04:57] But coming down here hippie-style, backpacking it and hitting the $5 a night fleabag hotels, well that's a young person's game. And if you ask anybody who's done it down here, the pain to pleasure ratio is pretty high. In fact, to this day when I see a young person walking down the street hauling a huge backpack, stopping every block or two to take a rest, shift the thing around, and straighten up their back, I just wonder what the hell they were thinking when they first started out on the trip. And the only real good reason I can think of for backpacking it down here is that you can do the trip on the cheap, and you really can save a ton of money. That is if you have a lot of stamina and don't mind turning into Quasimodo along the way. And as a lot of my expat friends will tell you, all ex-backpackers by the way, the only

[05:43] time they're really having fun is when they finally locate that $5 a night fleabag hotel and they get to drop their gear, take a breather, then a shower. And I guarantee you, if you're at a backpacker hotel paying $5 or $10 a night, it's gonna be a cold shower. That is if you got water at all. Anyway, for a backpacker, that's the time you actually start having fun. When you can finally get the days dirt and grime off yourself, drop that backpack, get out to the bars and discos, and start partying. Like I said, backpacking's a young man's game. And I'm not saying women can't pull their weight, they sure can, but I'm not talking about lifting that backpack. Most women can do that okay. It's just that for women backpackers, there's a big problem with personal security down here. So the bottom line is, down here in Latin America, it's never recommended for women

[06:32] to backpack alone or in pairs, period. Unless they're with some male backpackers too, because there's no bigger target for thieves and criminals than single or paired up women hauling huge backpacks around and wandering aimlessly through crowds of locals, especially in non-tourist areas. And every expat I know has seen this in action. We'll be walking through a big Latin American city, seeing nothing but local Latins for hours and hours, and suddenly out of the corner of your eye, you'll see one or two blonde heads sticking out a foot higher than the rest of the heads in the crowd. That's the obvious sign of a pair of women backpackers way out of their element. And often you'll see them huddled on the sidewalk, staring at their maps and lonely

[07:17] planet guides, thumbing through their dictionaries, and looking for the right words. In bad Spanish of course. Their predicament being that they're looking for the bus station, or a certain backpacker hotel, or they're just generally lost. And they always seem to look worn, scruffy, sunburned, and confused. And the odd thing is that the majority of these young ladies are not from the United States, but they're from countries in Northern Europe, usually, and don't ask me why, from the Scandinavian countries. But nevertheless, many times I've been walking through some really bad neighborhoods in some of the big cities in Latin America, places where I don't even like to go alone, and I'll be shocked to see a blonde woman's head, or maybe two, sticking out above the crowd. And my first thought is always to help one of these young girls out.

[08:03] Because I know if they just take one wrong turn, or ask the wrong person for information, they're really going to be in a mess. Because in these big congested areas, especially in the larger towns and cities down here, there are tons of street people, vagabonds, and gang members, just ready to pounce on a naive first world woman, obviously out of her element, who they know has got to be carrying on her person somewhere some cash and valuables with more than the average Latin American guy makes in a year. Oh, and lowlifes like that are just glad to show you around, and you can imagine why. And it takes about two seconds for a naive woman like that to make a new best friend. And you can bet that new best friend has a lot of his own friends with the same idea, just around the corner.

[08:50] And the fact is, I've talked to a lot of these lady backpackers, and every one of them has at least one horrible story to tell me, whether it happened to her or one of her friends. And thankfully, most of those stories just involve simple robbery at knife point. But I've heard a lot of rape stories too. And one lady backpacker from Argentina told me that there's a lot more rapes going down than I'll ever be told about, and the local media, they're reluctant to say or print anything about it, because it's bad for tourism. Duh, no kidding. In fact, one of the journalists down here told me that more than half of the foreign women that get raped will never come forward and admit it or file a police report, because it's just too embarrassing and humiliating to say in public. And that same journalist, a female journalist by the way, she confirmed for me that female

[09:38] backpackers are on the very top of the list for assaults and rapes down here. The fact is, they're just very easy targets. Now knowing that, I don't know why any woman would come down here alone or even with her girlfriend backpacking. I just don't understand why no one's getting the word out. And it's human nature to think that that could never happen to you. It's always going to happen to somebody else. And generally, of course, that's true. The vast majority of tourists, backpacking or not, go back home with nothing but good stories to tell. But if you do come down here as a female backpacker, the fact is, the more you stay off the beaten path, the more the odds are stacked against you. So if you're going to backpack, stick with a group and make sure there's some guy backpackers in it. Then there's a good chance you'll never have a problem. And just another word about backpacking it or slumming it on the cheap in the big cities

[10:28] down here. If you're roaming the countryside and seeing the sights on a very limited budget, chances are your home bases are going to be in some pretty dangerous areas of town. So in reference to those street vagabonds in lowlifes you're going to see running around all over the place, they'll also pick on single male backpackers too. So when a guy's out backpacking all alone, well, that's not recommended either. But even the most astute streetwise thieves don't like to go after two or more backpackers. And the more male backpackers in the group, the better. And another thing, if you're backpacking, it's practically a rite of passage to end up crashing in five dollar fleabag hotels. And that means of course, you don't have a private bathroom. Now you might not mind that community bathroom thing yourself, but as for me, and the majority

[11:16] of expats I know, the minimum requirement for a hotel, for us, is to have a private bathroom. And if you're looking in the guidebooks like folders or lonely planet, that means you want a hotel with a minimum of two stars. Now believe it or not, and this is going to come as a big shock to you people who've backpacked through Europe lately and found that just about the cheapest hotels or hostels or zimmers or student posadas over there will run you like 50 bucks a night. And even at 50 bucks a night, you'll probably not only share a bathroom, but you might even share community sleeping quarters, Salvation Army bunk bed style. But thankfully, Latin America is still dirt cheap. 50 dollars a night will get you a two or three star hotel in a tourist area and a three or

[12:02] even four star hotel when you're off the tourist track. In fact, all throughout Latin America, if you're in any one of the cities or towns off the tourist track, you could get a double at a very nice three star hotel, generally with a swimming pool and free breakfast for 35 or 40 dollars a night, and that's for two. And besides the tourist areas, the only places you're going to pay 100 dollars or more for a hotel is in the big Latin American cities, in what they call the Zona Viva or the Zona Rosa, where they have all the big high rise buildings, banks, shopping malls and embassies, and all those well known first world franchise hotels like Marriott, Hilton, Crown Plaza, and the Radisson. And if you want to stay there, of course you're going to pay pretty close to first world prices.

[12:49] And obviously, that's never going to be in a backpacker's budget. But believe me, you'll rarely find a cheap backpacker hotel in a Zona Viva, a Zona Rosa, or any of the high rent districts. You'll always have to look for one of those in a skunkier area of town. And there always seems to be a seedy area or two next to all the airports down here where you're sure to find a backpacker establishment or two. And if you've ever done any kind of backpacking yourself, you'll know that there's kind of an honesty code among backpackers, an unsaid code of ethics. It seems like all those outdoorsy types and tree huggers are on the honor system and they stick to it, which is very cool, especially in Latin America, where the concept of collective honesty has always been a kind of vague, unprovable fantasy, like the Tooth Fairy, but not so

[13:38] with first world backpackers. What I mean is if you go to any one of these backpacker hotels, you'll notice that people kind of toss their backpacks everywhere, in the lobby, in the rooms, along the halls. And you'll also notice that the lock on the door to your room at your backpacker hotel, well, it's probably in piss poor condition or so sloppy, loose, and rickety that you could probably jimmy it open, MacGyver style, with a plastic fork. So naturally, backpackers do need a good code of ethics because nothing's really safe and secure in a hotel like that. And if somebody had a mind to, they could rob you blind. And if you stay a lot in cheap hotels, which backpackers always do, you'll notice that almost all of the room doors don't quite fit right. And as you pull on the doorknob, it seems as if the mechanism is so loose that if you

[14:27] leaned on it too hard, you could probably pop it open. And since all of the low end hotel doors are wood, if you look around the locking mechanism, nine times out of ten, you'll see some gouges in the wood, made by a screwdriver or a knife or whatever. And you might even see some small chunks of wood missing, or some missing screws or some splintering around the strike plate mechanism, which could only have happened if someone had forced the door open at some time in the past. So what I'm saying here is that almost all these hotel doors have been broken into at one time or another, and it wouldn't take an average guy 30 seconds to break into your room any time of day or night. And no way can that give you a good feeling. But if you stay at a fleabag hotel, that's just the way it is. But luckily backpackers do have this solid code of ethics.

[15:16] So if you come back to your room after a long night of partying and find that your camera's been lifted, chances are it hasn't been lifted by a fellow backpacker. It's been lifted by someone working at that hotel, or a friend of someone working at that hotel. And not to put the blame on the hotel cleaning ladies, but there's reason to believe that you can put the blame on hotel cleaning ladies. They're always my first choice. Why? Because I've caught three of them in the act of stealing already. And you know, when you catch them right in the act, they don't even flinch or feel guilty about it. And I think that's because the average cleaning lady in a hotel down here makes about $2 to $250 a month. And these first world backpackers rotate through in their $150 bash shoes and their LL Bean

[16:03] khakis with their $300 cameras and iPods and Kindles and notebook computers. Stuff that no cleaning lady would ever be able to afford in her lifetime, much less know how to use. And naturally, most of these cleaning ladies have families to support. And these young backpacking kids leave their valuable stuff all over the room. So it's quite a temptation for anybody at the bottom level of society, especially when it's in your face every day. Now of course, I'm not saying that all hotel cleaning ladies are like that. Not by any means. Only at these backpacker style hotels, the help is pretty transient. And there's always new phases around. So there's just not too much employee loyalty going around. The thing is, you get what you pay for. And backpackers paying $5 or $10 a night, what kind of security can you really expect?

[16:50] And besides, at the bigger, more expensive hotels, there's not much employee turnover and the help have been screened pretty well. And they not only get paid a little bit more, but they sometimes even get benefits. And the clients aren't backpackers, so the tips are much better. Which means, statistically, you'll always be less prone to being robbed in a higher buck hotel. Because I'm sorry, backpackers have a reputation, even in Latin America, as being total cheapskates. And there's always some resentment when you stiff somebody for a tip in the service industry. Which I might add, backpackers are famous for. Yep, I hate to say it, but they rate right up there on the cheapskate scale with French and German tourists. But that's a whole other topic, and we'll get to that later. But as for backpackers being personas non grata, I've seen in some high end tourist

[17:39] areas down here, signs saying, no backpackers please. And I even saw one that said, backpackers are not welcome here. So if you're a backpacker, you're automatically starting out on the wrong foot down here. But it's your choice. Okay, and now I'm going to change gears a bit and give you another expat tip that should serve you well in any hotel, whether you're a backpacker trying to get by on 20 bucks a day, or you're a spoiled little rich kid with a handful of your daddy's credit cards. So listen up. Now there's an easy and quick way to test your hotel staff to see if there's any thieving going on, especially among the cleaning ladies. So as soon as you check into your hotel, dig into your pocket and pull out a handful of coin change, count out exactly 10 coins and put them in the ashtray.

[18:28] And yes, down here in Latin America, they still have ashtrays in most hotel rooms. Okay, so you take your 10 coins, put them in an ashtray, and put it on the night table next to your bed. And if you're a backpacker or travel on a cheap, like a lot of young college age students do, well it seems the cheaper you are, the more food you seem to carry around with you. Usually apples and bananas and oranges and some of the local exotic stuff that's dirt cheap down here that you pay an arm and a leg for or can't even get up in the first world. Okay, but back to that change money in the ashtray, along with that ashtray full of coins. Somewhere in that room, you lay about 5 pieces of your fresh fruit right out in the open. And make sure you count that fruit so you know exactly how many pieces you put out.

[19:14] Then after you take your shower and get ready or whatever, you lock the room up, go out for the night and hope for the best. But before you leave the hotel, you go to the front desk and tell the guy that you'd like to have another towel or soap or more toilet paper, any excuse to get a hotel employee to go into your room while you're gone. Then when you come back a few hours later, if you haven't partied too much that is, you'll remember about the money and the fruit and you'll count it. And if it's all there, you do the same thing the next day. Because when you leave the room the next morning, you'll be giving that same honesty test to the day shift cleaning lady. And if you find some of the money or fruit gone, I'm not saying you should move to another hotel, but if you don't, you know what you're in for.

[20:00] And not surprisingly, two of the favorite things that get stolen from backpackers and high rollers alike are sunblock and insect repellent. Especially the high end sunblock stuff like Hawaiian Tropic, which could cost 10 or 15 bucks a bottle. And they like to steal bug spray, especially deep woods off. Because that could be 5 or 10 bucks a can too. And the common man down here can't afford bug spray. It's a luxury. And down here in the tropics, there's so many big hungry insects, that a good can of bug spray has some real value, kind of like unofficial currency, like cigarettes in prison. And these cleaning ladies, they're only making about $10 a day, so if you leave one of those items laying around, well, that's a day's work for them. And the thing is, if you get a bottle of Hawaiian Tropic stolen from you, you might just let

[20:47] it pass and think you could've left it on the beach somewhere. I mean, it's not like getting your wallet lifted or your camera stolen. That's for sure. Now, I should point out that there's an awful lot of stealing and other scams going down against tourists, mostly in the tourist towns of course. And when tourists get scammed, the perpetrator almost always gets away with it. And that's because the tourist is only down here for a very short time, maybe a week or two or three, and the thief knows he's probably never going to run into the guy again. And that's why it almost never pays for a tourist to go down to the local police department and try to file a complaint. Because 99% of the time, you'll be wasting a whole day stuck in a sweaty, stinky police station. And all they're going to do is file your complaint, and now you've not only lost your camera,

[21:34] but you've lost a day at the beach. Of course, if you lost your wallet or your passport or your credit cards, then you're really out of luck. So now I'm going to give you expat tip number 2367. How to prevent the theft of your real important stuff, 99% of the time. Well first of all, you should always have a little reserve in case you do get robbed. A few hundred dollar bills stashed in a place even a thief would never think to look. And in my 20 years down here, I've been robbed five times. And they got my cell phone and my little fanny pack that had maybe $50 in it, but they never got my mother load, my passport, or my credit cards. And I had all that stuff right on me, but the thieves never found that stuff. And I'll tell you why, and I'll explain my methods. So first, let's talk about that reserve.

[22:21] Now I have two standard looking leather belts, a black one and a brown one. But these belts are special, because on the underside towards my back is a concealed zipper. And I can fit 10 $100 bills in that little zipper compartment if I fold them right. Now maybe you can get more, I don't know, but just think about that now. What if you had 90% of your traveling money hidden in your belt? Not in your wallet, not in your fanny pack, in your belt. Then you can walk around absolutely secure, knowing that if some thief in the crowd slit the strap on your fanny pack, you'd still have almost all your traveling money. So just Google money belt on the internet or hit my favorite website for safety and travel gear, and it's called Walkabout Travel Gear.

[23:07] And their website is walkabouttravelgear.com. And though I have absolutely no connection to that company at all, along the way I'll be mentioning a number of their products, which have not only saved my butt time and time again down here, but that I think are absolutely essential for anyone who does a lot of traveling, whether you're traveling on the cheap or doing it Bill Gates style. Now about these money belts, you have to remember they look exactly like your standard issue no frills, men's or lady's belt. I'm not talking about those nylon and velcro money belts that you wrap around your stomach or your leg. I'm not big on those things. To me, those things are not only uncomfortable, but a lot of thieves in the tourist areas, they know about that stuff. Hey, if my 82 year old mom has one of those, your average thief knows about those too,

[23:57] believe me. So what do you do after you get that standard belt with the hidden zipper in it? What about your passport and your credit cards and all that stuff? Well I've got that figured out too. Now there's a thousand varieties of things you can buy to hold your passport and your money and your credit cards, but I'm going to recommend what I think is the absolute best. And get this, for under 20 bucks, I mean I've seen things you hang around your neck, wrap around your stomach and your leg, things with hooks and zippers that velcro to your pants and arm. But what I'm going to recommend to you is very cheap and simple and carries with it such a psychological edge that if you're confronted by a thief, 99% of the time he'll never find it. So forget about all those other fancy pouches and things and let me tell you how you should

[24:45] do it. There's a little item made by a company called Eagle Creek Travel Gear and it's called a hidden pocket. Go ahead and Google it and see for yourself. And it's just big enough to hold your passport, your credit cards, your driver's license and other ID documents. And what it is, is a really indestructible nylon pouch with a zipper on it and it's super lightweight with about a 2 inch nylon loop hanging from it that you thread through the regular belt that holds up your pants. And since I recommended before a regular belt with a special zipper in it, you'll be using that belt in conjunction with this little nylon pouch that holds your passport, credit cards and other things. Once you've run the loop through your belt, it's completely secure and it's never going to fall off as long as you're wearing your belt.

[25:33] Now the trick is you tuck the pouch into the front of your pants. Now if you do that, where do you think that pouch is hanging? Right in your crotch area or slightly to the left of it. Now this little pouch is sitting nice and flat between your pants and your underwear, provided of course you wear underwear. And in this case I'd recommend it because otherwise men, you might damage yourself. And ladies, well, since you don't have exterior parts to get in the way like we do, for you it's not much of an issue. So now your passport, your money, your credit cards are hanging directly in front of or a little to the left side of your crotch area. And because males in Latin society are known to be quite macho and this goes double for Latin crooks and thieves. Well anyway, if you get robbed, I guarantee you, no macho Latin thief would ever live

[26:23] it down if he were to frisk you or pat you down in the crotch area. For Latin guys, that's like a no touch zone. He'd never do it because to him that would be way too gay. So there you have it, in a nutshell, a perfect way to use a Latin guy's macho homophobic ways to avoid getting robbed of your mother load. But of course the only way to get this diversion to really work is to carry a small fanny pack or a wallet in another pocket that the thief can have. In other words, a diversionary item because he's not going to want to walk off empty handed. So you put 25 or 50 bucks in small bills in your wallet or fanny pack and he's going to be in such a rush to get away with the goods anyway that 99% of the time your mission will have been accomplished. But let me warn you, if you don't have a diversionary item to let him get away with, then you might

[27:12] be in for a heavier frisk. And believe me, you don't want to take that chance. But what if you're down at the beach and you want to take a swim, or you're back at the old hotel room and you want to crash? How do you keep your money, your passport, your credit cards, and your valuables secure then? Well I'll talk about that and much more in the next two shows, so stay tuned. You've been listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America. And don't forget you can email me on anything at all about Latin America. The Expat Files at gmail.com. That's theexpatfiles at gmail.com.