Episode Summary
In this episode, Johnny Mueller discusses the experience of living as an expat in Latin America, emphasizing the importance of avoiding the typical tourist trail and understanding the 'good, bad, and ugly' of major cities. He contrasts the lifestyle in small towns with that of big cities, noting that small towns have a self-policing nature but are now more connected due to technology. Johnny also touches on the cultural phenomenon of English words in Latin American signage and fashion, highlighting the 'gringo advantage' and the confusion among locals.
Johnny recounts an experience where he encountered a group of bodyguards in a city, noting their presence and the irony of their shopping behavior at Costco. He highlights the privilege of being a 'gringo' and how it allows him to bypass certain checks, while also criticizing the lack of accountability for powerful individuals. He then shifts to discussing a city called Thiapa, which is off the gringo tourist trail, and notes its rising crime rates, particularly car theft, and the inadequate police response.
Johnny discusses the widespread issue of car theft in Latin America, attributing it to the inefficiency and corruption of local governments. He highlights a specific case in Nicaragua where police officers siphoned gas from patrol vehicles, selling it at a discount to a third party. Johnny notes that this is not an isolated incident, as he claims that everyone in government, from the president down, is involved in some form of scam. He then connects this to the challenges faced by expats living in Latin America, suggesting that local governments are too lazy, inefficient, and corrupt to pose a real threat to expats. However, he acknowledges that expats can avoid these issues by simply not engaging with the local government.
In this segment, Johnny discusses the issues with nutritional labeling in Latin America, highlighting examples of mislabeling and bad math on food packaging. He mentions specific products like cashews from La Torre and plantain chips from SUNY Platinum, pointing out inconsistencies in the nutritional information. Johnny also comments on the general lack of nutritional awareness among locals and the bureaucratic hurdles for importing food products into Latin America, which involve costly and unnecessary government processes.
Finally, Johnny discusses the unreliable nature of expiration dates on food and medicine in Latin America, emphasizing the importance of checking production dates instead. He provides examples such as honey and coconut oil, which have long shelf lives if unopened. He also mentions that some medications retain potency beyond their expiration dates, though this is less reliable in warm climates. Johnny promotes his expat wisdom seminar as a resource for expats living in Latin America.
Topics
Living in Latin America, Expat life, Cultural adaptation, Language and signage, Small-town vs. big-city life, Bodyguards and their role, Privilege of being a 'gringo', Costco as a metaphor for privilege, Criticism of political figures, Crime in Thiapa, Police response to crime, Car theft in Latin America
Chapters
00:00:00 Opening 00:00:38 Avoiding the Tourist Trail and Understanding the City 00:02:10 Contrasting Life in Small Towns vs. Big Cities 00:03:48 The Influence of English Words in Latin American Signage and Fashion 00:06:09 Arrival at the Scene with Bodyguards 00:06:55 The Gringo Advantage at Costco 00:11:08 Crime in Thiapa 00:12:06 The Car Theft Problem in Latin America 00:12:31 Gas Siphoning in Nicaragua 00:13:49 The Role of Government in Expats' Lives 00:14:59 Email from Expats in Guatemala 00:18:04 The Problem with Backpacker Hostels and Street Food 00:18:25 Nutritional Labeling and Mislabeling in Latin America 00:18:52 Examples of Mislabeling: Cashews and Plantain Chips 00:21:38 The Bureaucratic Hurdles of Importing Food Products 00:24:17 Introduction to the topic of expiration dates in Latin America 00:24:53 Discussion on the purpose of expiration dates and their unreliability 00:25:23 Examples of products with long shelf lives and historical context 00:26:28 Discussion on medication potency beyond expiration dates 00:26:59 Promotion of the expat wisdom seminar as a resource for expats
Transcript
Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.
[00:00] South of the border, down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here So let's get started now as you know I'm here to tell you what it's really like to live like a gringo and expat down here in Latin America And I always recommend you spend most of your time off the gringo tourist trail And I recommend if you live in one of the very big cities of let's say over a few hundred thousand people
[00:48] You have to delineate early on in the first couple days you land in town or even sooner the good the bad and the ugly Parts of the city in other words get the feel of the major parts of the city and what they're like day and night And I'll mention again though I really shouldn't have to dress down Lose the bling and keep away from the bad or testy areas of town the same as if you were a newcomer to let's say Chicago or Cleveland now I remember when I first came down here 20-something years ago My mother said to me over and over right before I left Johnny. I'm worried about you Are you sure you really want to go down to Latin America? I'm afraid you'll get kidnapped or worse then she said but Johnny you don't even speak Spanish and My answer was my look you live in Chicago right in a nice neighborhood
[01:34] But if you took a left on Division Street or State Street instead of a right And you drove down about six blocks or took a walk for about ten or fifteen minutes until the buildings start looking like Beirut Chances are I'll never hear from you again either to which of course her response was come on Johnny Don't be ridiculous. I know Chicago. I know all the good and bad places and act accordingly Hmm enough said about that So anyway as for living in the big city in Latin America You just have to follow the same kind of rules you'd follow living in any big city up in the states So then what about expat life in those small Latin towns of 50,000 people or less? Where it's basically like small-town life in the states in the 70s and 80s back in the Mayberry days
[02:23] I know some of you are old enough to remember that I am now remember in the past I mentioned that in small towns like that the locals are basically self policing They actually run the bad boys the crooks and thieves out of town on a rail Where the cops just basically sit around with their thumbs up their asses and do nothing So then it all depends on what kind of lifestyle you want Now if you think you'll get bored of small-town life or living out in the boonies that you'll get cabin fever Well, I'd say five or ten years ago. That would definitely be a risk However, these days even in small towns, you're really connected You've got high-speed internet and Skype and mumble and three or four hundred cable TV channels coming in through satellite from the states And there's always a big enough city within an hour's drive or two
[03:11] Where you can decadently walk into a Costco or a Walmart or a Sears or a Starbucks or an IHOP or a Dairy Queen Yep, they've even got Dairy Queen's down here. Go figure, huh? Meaning anytime you want you can indulge your first-world errant earnings or not Speaking of which here's a story for you about two days ago I was in such a Costco otherwise known as price smart down here in Latin America a Combination of English words price and smart which completely baffles 98% of the Latins that go there to shop because they have no idea what those two words mean I mean, come on whose idiot marketing idea was that now do note that the more upscale area you happen to be in in Latin America The more English words and phrases you'll see interspersed in the advertisements and signage, etc
[04:01] And of course, that's a not so subtle way of saying you're in a higher class area because we're gringo ized Yep, it's part of that gringo advantage again Even though again 98% of the people who see the signage etc Have no idea what most of the English words mean except the very very common ones But Latin folks being there in the midst of all that gringo signage They may be a bit confused about the lingo, but they feel oh so cool about being there And of course, let's not forget those special English words that have forever crossed over into the Spanish language Like for example super mega extra ultra and certain words like fantastic or extraordinary Which in Spanish turn out to be extraordinary Oh and fantastic
[04:47] Oh, in fact, you'll see that word super bandied about all over the place down here super ganga Which means super cheap super off air does which means super deals? And of course the ubiquitous super Mercado's which are supermarkets So anyway, when you come down here, you'll recognize about 20 or 30 very very common crossover words like that And again note when you're off the gringo tourist trail and you start seeing certain signage occasionally in English Often grammatically incorrect by the way, just know that you're probably entering an upscale Latin area Which is why these days anyway every single Latin American and I mean every single one has his or her little collection of t-shirts Sweatshirts and other items of clothing that have English sayings on them
[05:36] In fact any time any day of the week you can walk into an average Latin American shopping mall And if you look around and start reading the sayings on the t-shirts and sweatshirts, etc You'll find that 95% of the sayings are in English Even though it's pretty much a guarantee that the person wearing it has no idea what it says All he or she knows or cares about is that there's a coolness factor in Spanish La Moda or the fashion, but where was I? Oh, yeah I was in a Costco just a few days ago And as I was walking in two big black bulletproof limousines pulled up They double parked right in the front entrance and then six or was it eight? I don't remember bodyguards got out all in matching black suits and earbuds
[06:24] Probably non-functioning or fake and I noticed there were diplomatic government plates on the cars And I did what I usually do in a situation where there's a bunch of pretentious bodyguards I looked at them and they looked at me because I'm the only gringo around and I gave them that look You know what? I mean the kind that says get a real job You slug and you know, some of them actually get it because they know they're working for a worthless parasite I mean, come on. Where's the job satisfaction in that? Then I immediately forgot about it and walked in to do my business Oh and by the way, if you want to see how well that gringo advantage works Just go to one of these Costco's which is a membership only kind of thing Where there's a guy at the door checking your card to make sure that you're a member, you know to keep out the riff-raff Well, it just so happens that of all the dozens and dozens of times that I've been in these Costco's
[07:14] I've never had to flash my card. I just smile at the guy and walk right in Meanwhile, everyone else gets checked and as gringos we get a pass and understand this when you're at one of these Costco's That's probably one of the only places off the gringo tourist trail where you actually think you're seeing a few gringos here and there But they're not and it's deceiving. They're just very white European looking upscale Latin American types You know the ones referred to as Creole's the inbred so-called Latin upper 1% Actually, they're that much less than 1% of the population that owns all the big business and industry and all the big farms and the coca-cola franchises and McDonald's franchises and cement companies, etc So if you want to make a quick study of all the Latin American movers and shakers within a given area
[08:04] Just go to Costco and have a look around but back to that story Anyway walking through Costco and I noticed now those six or eight bodyguards in those matching black suits Are pushing carts and shopping big time one of them glides past me with a shopping cart Just full of Johnny Walker black must have had 50 bottles in there another bodyguard in another aisle Whips by with his entire shopping cart filled to the rim In fact overflowing with nothing but frozen chickens Tyson chickens By the way to which I say good let them contaminate themselves on that crap They deserve nothing better than the salmonella squirts if you know what I mean Then yet another one of these jerk-off bodyguards flies by with his shopping cart
[08:53] Just filled with chocolates and bonbons. So anyway, finally I get to the checkout line I'm behind one of these guys and I notice he doesn't even have to pay cash like the rest of us He just signs a ledger now get this in the checkout line I'm wedged between two of these guys and I look at the guy behind me. He's the guy with the whiskey That's when I've got this figured out since he's got some Halloween paraphernalia and some Pumpkins on top of the booze in his cart now Here's the kicker all of a sudden the store opens up a special checkout line for those bodyguards So suddenly they're getting the royal personalized treatment in the private line and I've got my checkout line to myself So I made some small talk with my checkout guy in Spanish, of course Saying something along the lines of well, what do you know?
[09:41] Looks like your scumbag politicians are having a Halloween party and we're not invited then I said now Here's an idea. They should just forget the costumes and go to the party as themselves, you know Putrid dickhead politicians and their entourage of ass kissers What do you think and you know behind the counter the checkout guy just smiled he didn't get it But I can tell you this the way he and his colleagues sucked up to them as they walked through the store I'm sure that when he got out of work that night and rode the chicken bus an hour to his humble little abode To him it was like a brush with fame and something to brag to the family about Yep, that kind of stuff really happens. In fact, if you keep your eyes open, you see it all the time But then again, maybe it's not that much different from up in the States
[10:28] especially for you folks who live in Washington DC and When your big-wig criminal jerk-off politicians walk into your place of business You give them the royal treatment bow and suck up accordingly, too Well, am I right think about it these days? It seems no one has the balls to stand up and tell them to their faces What kind of fat ass slugs they really are like expat Eddie always says the world is facing a chronic shortage of testosterone But again, I digress I was talking about gringles living in cities and towns and places out in the boonies and in a related story I'd like you to digest this for a while. This is out of the paper yesterday There's a city that borders Guatemala and Salvador called who Thiapa. It's got about
[11:14] 200,000 people so it's a pretty good-sized city way off the gringo tourist trail And I might add since it's not a town of 50,000 or less It's not a place I'd recommend for expat gringos though. You might do well there It has a crime problem, which is the gist of the story that said let me use this as a perfect example Of what happens in Latin American towns this size off the gringo tourist trail says here There's been a huge increase over last year with car and vehicle theft last year in 2013 There were 35 cases and in 2014 83 cases already meaning car theft and who Thiapa has doubled in one year Well, here's the official response from the police in who Thiapa and I'll translate of course now
[12:02] The spokesperson for the brain dead police department says this We're having such an increase in the car theft problem because although we have enough patrol cars We've got a situation over the last few months each of our patrol cars is only received Four that's four fo you are gallons of gasoline a day and our motorcycle cops have only been getting one gallon a day Yep, only in Latin America, huh? Oh, and by the way I saw a report a couple weeks ago coming out of Nicaragua where they cut some cops Siphoning gas out of their patrol vehicles in the morning turns out right after they'd fill up They'd drive to a bad part of town in an undisclosed location And this is in Managua now
[12:48] And I don't know where they get off saying driving to a bad part of town because the whole city's a bad part of town Meaning of course Managua is not a place I'd recommend for gringo expats either Anyway, every morning the cops would meet up in a parking lot and a guy with a pickup truck would come and siphon out Half their gas he'd pay him about half of what it's worth about two bucks a gallon and the guy in the pickup truck Equipped with a pump and a hundred gallon reservoir in the back of his truck would sell it for a little under the market price And make about a buck 75 a gallon himself and these particular cops when caught in the act What do you think they had to say about it? Well, they said as far as they know Everyone in government who's issued a car has some kind of scam like that going and one cop said officers in the military
[13:36] Who've got cars they siphon gas and they sell spare tires and spare car parts Bottom line everyone in government from the president on down is working a scam. Welcome to Latin America So then what does that have to do with gringos and expats living in Latin America as you might have guessed governments down here are so Lazy inefficient and corrupt. How can they pose any kind of real threat or obstacle to us gringos and expats? You just fly right and you never have to deal with those guys. By the way There's no way they could get themselves together enough to pose any kind of serious big brother threat at all Unless of course they partner up with uncle Sam like they've done so well in Panama Just flying to Panama's airport sometime and you'll see what I mean
[14:23] Oh and that goes for Costa Rica, too now changing gears a little bit Let's have an email and this one comes from a husband and wife team who attended one of my expat wisdom seminars in Guatemala About two years ago and oddly enough actually not odd at all They ended up loving Guatemala and Latin America so much They've been living in and around Latin America ever since but you know expats that make their home here in Latin America Occasionally have to pop back up to the United States for this and that as in their case So then let's just get to the email and as usual, I'll paraphrase it and cut out the personal stuff The subject line says we love it here and it starts by saying Johnny My wife and I are back in Guatemala after three months in the States. Don't get me wrong
[15:10] We had a good time there visiting friends and seeing the parks in southern Utah for the first time But oh boy, we're sure glad to be back in Latin America In fact, we just signed a long-term rental and an upscale apartment complex in Guatemala City That said in regards to the quirks down here in Latin America Let me tell you a little bit about the place its first world upscale and in a nice neighborhood Which makes a couple of things I've noticed recently all the more amusing First our apartment has a laundry room with a good quality washer and dryer Now when I use the dryer for the first time it quickly got very humid in that laundry room So as anyone would do I checked the dryer vent duct guess what? It went nowhere
[15:57] Sure, it's got a nice piece of flex duct which goes from the dryer to a nice piece of Tupperware sitting on the floor I mean, this is an actual laundry room It has a sink a drain a plumbing connection box for the washer 220 socket for the dryer, etc And of course, it's a newer building and they know how to make wall penetrations for pipes and ducks, etc I mean, I did notice there are five exhaust fan penetrations in the apartment But interestingly enough none of them are in the laundry room. Now, it's me again I'm gonna throw my two cents in here while we're on the subject of ducting You'll find that throughout Latin America One of the most unsettling things to us first worlders is that the restrooms both public and private do not have
[16:44] adequate ventilation by any stretch of the imagination Probably only one out of a hundred restrooms actually has an exhaust fan Even though that's against building codes, but who cares about codes in Latin America I mean, there's no inspections, right? And from what I've noticed at least half of the bathrooms that have that very rare exhaust fan They either don't work at all or were improperly installed In fact, I've seen exhaust fans in bathrooms that have no ducting whatsoever So when you turn on the light the exhaust fan goes on and the light that's connected to it However, it just keeps recirculating that stanky funky air until you just can't stand it anymore Which is why come to think of it So many of us gringos can keep a bathroom visit down to about a minute or less
[17:31] Which is why so many of us take a deep breath before we walk in and exhale on the way out Which is why by the way, so many of us gringos and expats have a minimum requirement when traveling We insist on booking a hotel room with a private bath. I mean, come on. Let's face it There's nothing like having personal plumbing problems yourself in the privacy of your own bathroom. We've all been there, right? I mean besides the fact that public restrooms are so horrid I can't tell you how miserable it is to have Montezuma's revenge in any public restroom or at one of those backpacker hostels where you're sharing an unventilated bathroom with four or five different people and By the way, as gross as this sounds backpackers have an unusually high incidence of Montezuma's revenge
[18:16] Anyway, so now tell me you want to save five bucks a night and share a bathroom Well, you can't chalk it up to karma for chowing down on that cheap contaminated street food But you knew that already now, there's more to this email and it continues on a topic that's near and dear to my heart Nutritional food labeling and well Mislabeling in Latin America. So the email continues Johnny, you know, we are healthy shoppers and do read labels that said another amusing Tidbit is the obvious inaccuracy of a nutritional information labels on food For example at one of the big local supermarket shopping chains called La Torre They sell cashews packaged by a company called Tropic
[19:02] They're just crunchy baked cashews with no salt oil or preservatives They originally caught my eye because there's a sticker on the package that says light Sure Now the 200 gram package has no nutritional information whatsoever on it But the 70 gram package does and here's what it says serving size 20 grams total fat 4 grams Total carbs 2 grams dietary fiber 4 grams protein 5 grams It's a 20 gram serving size But somehow all those ingredients only add up to 11 grams total so then where the hell's the other 9 grams then who knows and To show you just how ubiquitous bad math is on labels down here
[19:50] Check this out on a bag of SUNY platinum chips. They're plantain chips 20 grams serving size 1 gram total fat 10 grams total carbs sugar 2 grams protein 0 grams for a grand total of 13 grams So we're either left with some very bad math or there are 7 mystery grams somewhere Oh and by the way for any of you who are wondering what these plantain things are They're just basically a potato chip with plantain substituted for the potato Then they deep fry the suckers in oil and they end up with only one gram of fat like it says on the label Huh? Anyway, I think it's pretty obvious with those examples. I mentioned they're just under reporting the fat
[20:35] Which is particularly amusing to me since the fear of dietary fat is so 1977 I mean really if you want your body to burn fat then eat fat But if you want your body to store fat then eat complex carbs like junk food We all know that again, there's nothing wrong at all with the foods. I mentioned. They're all delicious I just get a kick out of reading those labels Hope all's well with you signed Dean now Dean I too get a big kick out of reading labels because you know Latins never do I've never ever seen a Latin person pick up a jar of anything or a pox or whatever and Read the nutrition labeling So it doesn't really matter then if the math is bad or they screw up on the ingredients or they purposely leave something out
[21:27] when only the odd gringo like yourself and your wife would ever bother to check anything like that out as Luck would have it. I actually know a guy in the food processing industry down here in Latin America I think they packaged some kind of weird junk food and some other things. He's an educated Latin guy who speaks English He's got a food biology degree and he too even with his education seems to be absolutely clueless about the health aspects of the junk his company's producing and by the way He's only about 37 and really out of shape surprised yet another case of a Latin guy with an advanced degree Who's actually completely clueless anyway? I learned a lot about the Latin food processing industry from him even though in the health and nutrition Department he was a total idiot, but you know since us expats are all visitors down here
[22:16] You can think it, but you never say that to anyone's face. You're better off just nodding and smiling a lot So as you might imagine the labeling business is beyond hit-and-miss down here however Labeling is law because every single Latin American country copies all the rules and regs that first-world countries have But get this all Latin American countries have also figured out that if anyone wants to import a food Product in from another country like the states or Europe the brain-dead bureaucracies down here can make some fast bucks By making applicants jump through some bureaucratic loops and assessing certain fees for useless permits and such So in other words, it's not enough to take a US or European product
[23:01] That's already gone through the labeling process up there and translate it into Spanish No, you can't do that You have to ship it down and then you have to pay for a laboratory analysis here with by the way a laboratory That's got the government contract for that useless service So what I'm saying is you'll have to submit a few jars of your organic spaghetti sauce to the registered government lab pay about five or six hundred bucks to get a totally half-ass analysis done and Only then are you issued a nice government certificate suitable for framing and you can sell your product in that country So it doesn't really matter that the whole process is fraudulent and basically a small-time government extortion racket Of course not enough to break the bank
[23:48] But still I mean come on in the first world the product already went through an extensive analysis and labeling process One that most likely cost a couple of grand or so Anyway after you get that analysis done you have to print up a whole new set of labels in Spanish and stick them on top Of the existing ingredient label that was in English of all the idiotic things that makes a lot of sense, right? Now remember, I'm not talking about getting permission to sell a brand new product No, I'm talking about a product that's already being sold in food stores up in the States that you want to bring down here To Latin America, which brings us to another idiotic conundrum the so-called Fetcha the Vinceniento, which means the product expiration date and needless to say down here in Latin America
[24:35] That's a number that's often just simply pulled out of someone's ass, too So they're basically useless instead. You should look for the production date or Packaging date which you do find on certain food items. That's a much more important number So as far as the expiration dates, you just can't trust them So then does that mean that producers are just trying to extend the dates they can keep it on the shelf as a matter of fact No, I think it's just a crapshoot For example when you buy honey down here in a jar It'll have an expiration date on it that might be about a half a year out from the date you bought it But if you know anything about honey at all in most cases if you don't crack the seal and open the jar It's got almost an unlimited shelf life
[25:22] I mean look Archaeologists have found perfectly edible jars of honey in tombs of Egyptian pharaohs And you know the same thing is true with coconut oil it too can have an almost unlimited shelf life If you don't crack the seal however if you buy a jar of the stuff down here in a supermarket You just might find it has an expiration date about six months to a year from the date of purchase Go figure, huh? So that said gringos expats wannabes and gonabes You really should get in the habit of reading labels I know lots of expats including myself who will occasionally buy an imported product from up in the states at Costco or at a specialty shop and just gently pull off that label in Spanish to get to the original
[26:09] English label below it and like good old mom used to say if you can't pronounce the ingredients don't eat it now as far as I've heard this before but the FDA and the US Veterans Administration have reported in their own publications That any dry medicines in a pill or blister pack will maintain from 70 to 80 percent of their potency even five years after their expiration date and Most liquid medications will retain 70 to 80 percent of their potency up to two years after their expiration date So file that for a future reference, but you know as far as Latin America's concern remember the Sun is extra strong down here
[26:55] I wouldn't count on those projections if your medicines aren't in a cool dry place And now it's time to bring up once again my January 2015 expat wisdom seminar in Central America That's classes in the morning and boots on the ground in the afternoon and evenings for six days and nights We'll show you how expats live first world style down here in Latin America even on a measly social security check So what I'm showing you is a very comfortable plan B a way out. Let's face it You're all smart people if you're listening to shows like this, you know, the clock is ticking So just go to expat wisdom comm click on the seminar link and make your plans to come down south of the border Down Mexico you've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America coming to you twice a week from somewhere south of the border
[27:42] Email me the expat files at gmail.com And don't forget to check out expat wisdom comm to sign up for your free reports on Latin America See you next time knows famous