#417 – The Expat Files: Mexico, Belize, and the Challenges of Living in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Now all you longtime listeners to the expat file show know that I diss Mexico all the time I don't recommend it for expats But you also know I do recommend it for the odd week or two trip to those great beaches in the Yucatan Not of course on the Gulf of Mexico side

[00:47] I'm talking about the Caribbean side with Cancun and Playa del Carmen and Tulum, etc Because you see at least for now Those are the places in Mexico that are far off the flow of the drug cartels Cocaine traffic and not that there's not a hell of a lot of crime there there is but as long as you keep to the tourist Areas, there's tons of tourist police and many gringos Europeans and expats hanging out and having a good time And you know, there's safety in numbers Naturally the Mexican government and tourist bureau doesn't want to bite the hand that fees it So as it turns out, that's the side of Mexico. That's the safest The reason why I'm bringing this up is because as of now there are so many Unbelievable package deals at great four-star all-inclusive hotels

[01:33] So why now because you see Mexico's got such a bad reputation with all the kidnappings beheadings and narco stuff going on That those hotels are at all time low occupancy rates So what do you do in a last-ditch effort to get the crowds coming to back? Well, you lower the prices substantially and you practically give rooms away. That said there's some tremendous vacation deals But again, I wouldn't want to live there and wouldn't recommend it So anyway for all you gringos and expats that are planning on living in Central America That is in any of the countries south of Mexico and north of Colombia Those Mexican vacation deals offer you a great dirt cheap Additional travel opportunity at a much much cheaper rate if you book it down here versus up in the states

[02:21] Since down here in all the big Latin American newspapers If you flick to the classified sections in the travel agency ads, you'll see tremendous deals going all the time in four-star All-inclusive hotels on that three or four hundred kilometer strip that goes from Belize all the way up to Cancun Now these trips to the Sun and fun in Cancun or Playa del Carmen are not for the middle-class latins or lower middle classes They can't afford it. Of course, even though they're dirt cheap by our standards In fact, just recently I've seen all inclusive hotel packages for 300 bucks a week But still only upper middle-class latins and gringos Of course can afford that rate and even if middle-class or poor Latin folks from the other countries in Latin America could really scrape

[03:08] The dough together. They're never gonna be able to get into Mexico Not legally anyway, and for one thing, you know, you can't get into Mexico without a visa The only way these days for Central Americans to get a Mexican visa is to go to the Mexican consulate in their own country Bring in all the paperwork to prove they have a steady Long-standing job produce bank statements to to show they've got a decent amount of cash in there Along with letters of reference from their boss and their bank and get this They have to go down to the municipal police and get a clean police record report Not to mention they need a copy of an electric or water bill in their name and most important a credit card with a limit Of at least 2,000 US dollars all that believe it or not Just to take a little weekend trip to Playa del Carmen or Cancun and you know on the face of it

[03:58] It seems totally ridiculous since people just slip into Mexico nearly Willie all the time I mean, come on. How did 20 or 30 million illegals end up in the states? So anyway, the poor and middle-class folks in Latin America won't be staying in four-star hotels and Cancun anytime soon However, if you're upper middle-class and you have the means and the money to take a nice vacation in Cancun or any of the other Dozen or so vacation hot spots in Mexico first They have to go down to the local Mexican consulate in their country jump through the hoops and get a visa Oh, and by the way, Latins will have to show the Mexican consulate their prepaid hotel reservations, too I'm talking about Latins now not us gringos if you've got a US or European passport

[04:44] You're definitely a preferred traveler that said a lot of gringos and expats living in Central America When they see these rock bottom deals on vacations in Mexico, they often head for the beaches, too I've done it myself a couple of times last time was about four years ago And at that time I did what a lot of people do I took a car and drove myself I started in San Salvador drove on through Guatemala then Belize and finally through Mexico And by the way, all land borders in Latin America are called front eras meaning frontier Border is an English word and they don't use it. So on signs and maps etc. You'll see the word front era Not border. Anyway, last time I made the drive. It was pretty simple Now a lot of people have asked me what it was like once I hit the Mexican front era or border

[05:34] Well, I can tell you it's a lot different than driving it to Mexico from a US border So anyway, people always asked me if I didn't think I was taking a chance, you know throwing the dice Driving into Mexico alone all the way up the coast three or four hundred kilometers until I hit Cancun Well, it's true back then things were crazy and dangerous in Mexico, but not nearly as much as they are today Anyway, I have to admit it was a tremendously nice very scenic drive and the whole way and I did drive all the way to Cancun the only time I felt nervous or Uncomfortable at all is when I got pulled over by the cops which happened about three times And again, it was something that was settled by small bribes and extortion. I think along the way I spent like a hundred bucks in bribes

[06:19] Otherwise the people were nice and friendly and the scenery was beautiful because you know It is an ocean side drive all the way and though you do drive through a number of tiny towns You don't hit any big ugly stretches of ghetto or anything like that And by the way back then when those Mexican cops stopped me the most common way They'd try to extort money from me is by telling you knew that your papers weren't in order not your papers are passport But your car's papers and registration now No, even if you're Spanish is perfect and you can read Spanish quite thoroughly the Mexican cops while Reviewing that large sheaf of papers could pull any kind of crap They want out of their ass and hold you there for as long as they feel like Until you've finally quote paid the fine right there and cash to them

[07:07] So I'm telling you the best way to handle cops like that is you just say to them so officer There's a fine involved now. Is there how much is it? I think I have it right here So you just play along because you can't get out of it, even though you know, your papers are completely in order How do you know that because if you made it through the border from Belize to Mexico You had to check your car in at both countries and hand them all your papers and give them copies Etc, etc before they'd even let you drive through the gate So you're a okay But it doesn't matter because about 50 to 70 kilometers Inside the Mexican border when you get pulled over by the first set of rural cops who by the way are always Looking for foreign license plates like yours your confidence suddenly flags when they seem to find something wrong with that paperwork

[07:55] So it's pointless arguing with them. Don't even try it'll just make things worse If you don't work out 20 30 or even 50 bucks for that fictitious fine You're gonna lose a couple of hours on your trip guaranteed and believe me these cops know Especially when a gringo or expats driving late in the day and you're an hour or two from sundown that you certainly Don't want to be driving at night because that's the number one rule of driving in Latin America Besides having enough gas in the tank, of course Never drive at night. Not unless you really know the area Let's say it's your own neighborhood and that's of course because way out in the boonies, especially in Mexico Bad boys will occasionally drop a big log in front of the road or block it with their own car and try to flag you down

[08:43] And then of course, it's all over you're gonna lose your car your dough and maybe your life But that rarely happens in the daytime not in the Yucatan Anyway, of course, it happens in the rest of Mexico with great regularity So it's really not a good idea to drive anywhere outside the Yucatan Unless of course, you're unlucky enough to be a permanent resident of Mexico and have to drive around Because you live there, of course in most of the rest of Latin America It's okay to drive around during the day practically everywhere Then of course, the only thing you'll have to worry about is the condition of the bad roads and the crazy ass drivers Anyway, the second reason you never want to drive at night anywhere in Latin America is because there are so so many unmarked road hazards that everyone who's had a car and I mean everyone in time finds that soon enough their cars undercarriage and

[09:34] Suspension gets so mangled up that most cars end up in the shop a couple times a year for much more than an alignment Usually rims are bent shocks destroyed torn up oil pans You see it all the time Especially with fresh gringos and gringas who hit the road and drive the same way they did when they were back in the states So how do you avoid that get a four-wheel drive vehicle? It's higher off the ground built to a heavier standard and can take a lot more but still there's no guarantee The potholes won't shake the fillings out of your molars. I don't care where you are in Latin America there are holes and hazards that are big enough to swallow a Volkswagen and Believe me, even if you're on a brand new concrete highway of two three or four lanes Don't get too comfortable and start speeding up. I guarantee it's not gonna last for long

[10:19] Maybe you got five minutes or 25 minutes of perfect driving And then all of a sudden a four-lane highway will just instantly turn into a two or even one lane asphalt piece of crap Oh and speaking of roads You've all heard of the pan-american highway that starts in Alaska and goes all the way down to the end of Panama Now you think because that is the northern American Hemispheres major highway by far that it would be for the most part somewhat decently maintained even by Sub-mediocre Latin American standards. Well, guess what? It's probably the most Schizophrenically designed and maintained road in all of the Americas meaning it's not only the best road It's the worst road too because like I said before often it'll be four lanes of beautiful concrete and a half hour later

[11:09] It'll be a washed out one lane piece of crap And that's why you never want to drive it at night For one thing there are huge mega stretches of it that have no night lighting at all And note that about one in every ten cars and trucks doesn't have any taillights and often no headlights at all either So how would you like to be going 60 70 or even a hundred miles an hour on a clear wide road in the dead of night? And suddenly have to slam on the brakes because there is a 50 year old pickup truck right in front of you Doing about 20 with no taillights heavily overloaded with a couple tons of pineapples So beware down here when you're driving you see things like that all the time day and night and worse And that's why when you're on one of these nice stretches of road like on the pan-american highway

[11:56] You see skid marks everywhere and the occasional car or truck in a ditch In fact, I've got countless photos of wrecks like that not photos I've picked off the internet but ones I've taken personally and you know Sometimes I get two or three Fantastically brutal shots like that in one day believe it or not Which brings me to the trip I took just last week again I figured I'd do that nice drive through Guatemala Belize and on to the southern end of Mexico to check out that nice Beautiful ocean side road that I took four years ago on the way to Playa del Carmen in Cancun and yes I was prepared. I had a handful of loose 20s to bribe the cops now I found the best way to plan a long trip like that is to start out driving

[12:44] Maybe eight or nine in the morning and have a planned hotel destination not necessarily booked But if you know where these hotel areas are have a place to stay in mind by about three in the afternoon Because you see this is Latin America and the best laid plans Well, you know how that goes anyway as luck would have it on the first day about two hours into the trip That would normally be about a 12-hour drive straight through which meant I'd plan on splitting it into two six-hour shifts Anyway, two hours in I hit my first log jam a dead stop for one hour while road crews worked To clear a very recent rock slide that basically took out three of the four lanes of traffic Now note these things happen all the time in Latin America

[13:30] In fact in the first couple hours of my trip I passed no less than ten rock slides each one of them just sitting there blocking out maybe one lane of two or three or four lane highway and the funny thing is being that this is Latin America these rock slides had been there for months and because they only took out maybe one or one and a half lanes of traffic the lazy ass government slugs in charge of Road crews just threw down a perimeter of orange traffic cones that diverted the traffic into now Just one lane which caused a 10 or 15 minute bottleneck every time you went past one of these little rock slides now Like I said in the first hour or so I ran into a number of those always in those long winding stretches of road between larger cities and

[14:19] Crazy enough because this is Latin America the small 10 or 15 minute bottlenecks caused by these little landslides Becomes a nucleus for instant capitalism. There'll be at least 25 local people hawking their wares You know baked goods sausages coca-cola tortillas flashlights cell phone chargers a steady parade of scruffy locals Tapping on your window trying to sell you junk Which makes you wonder what these people do for a living when those rock slides are cleaned up go figure, huh? so like I said the first few hours there were rock slides everywhere small ones and One major one that set me back at least an hour and by the way a semi truck collision right on a bridge Which set the whole traffic flow back another hour? Oh, and by the way

[15:04] Let me warn all you guys and gals out there who might like to take a leisurely drive through Latin America Again, unless you're driving through Mexico, it can be quite nice You just have to know and plan out where you're going anyway note that in every Latin country You'll eventually end up being forced to pull over in front of a little government building where they'll ask you if you have any fruits And vegetables etc, and if you say yes, they'll proceed to confiscate them You'll just hand them over and never see him again in Latin America. They have this strange idea They're gonna stop certain bugs and pests from migrating over country frontiers or borders Yeah, right like for example you might remember that Mediterranean fruit fly thing the med fly Well, they're still talking about that down here, but nobody knows why anyway

[15:53] You'll find that throughout Latin America in every country suddenly You'll be driving and you'll see big signs telling you to pull over for an inspection now Don't get me wrong these government slugs are not out to extort money from you not in this case anyway They just want your nuts and your fruits and vegetables So what do you think happens to that stuff once they confiscate it you think they dig a hole and stuff it in there I doubt it. Well, I've asked and they usually shrug and don't have much of an answer Typical huh these little shacks way out in the middle of nowhere with signs that say that they're some kind of government Agricultural department, they're staffed by people who are very ragtag They don't have official uniforms or anything But obviously they're working there and it's really obvious to anyone who is paying attention that these fruits and vegetables

[16:44] Etc that they're confiscating are part of these people's diets So anyway, here's what I suggest when you are traveling by car Dude stop along the little vegetable and fruit stands along the way because believe me you'll get the greatest Best tasting non GMO fruits and vegetables. You've probably had your life In fact, be on a lookout for a lot of fruits and vegetables You've been ever even seen before and the fruits they've got giant avocados and lemons and limes and tangerines for maybe 10 cents each and if you like watermelon There's fantastic ones on the road for 30 or 40 cents each So do skip the Cheetos and take advantage of it. So what about those government stops? Well, it's no fun handing that stuff over and for me. Anyway, it's not the thought of losing a few bucks

[17:31] That's the least of it It's the thought that s wipes from the government are taking your fruit and eating it themselves that said here's what long-term Expats do they just keep a small bag in the front seat and keep the rest of the stash Buried in deep with the luggage and the dirty shorts and believe me even if these guys ask you to open your trunk and you think They're gonna rifle through your stuff These government types way on the boonies are so lazy if you don't get out and open up your suitcases and bags yourself All they do is kind of peek in they almost never bother to stick your hand in and ruffle things up So then what if you come across a government jerk who actually does his job? Well in that rare case, even if he does take his hand deep into your skid marked underwear bag and hit the mother lode You can play dumb because these guys really have no authority to find you or do anything at all

[18:21] To you except maybe hold you there at the border and waste your time. Remember these guys are not cops They're just food inspectors. Oh, and by the way, this unlucky thing has happened to me I've driven through a tiny town and bought a big bag of fantastic Tangerines and nectarines for around two bucks now because I didn't know the area with my rotten luck that day two kilometers later There was one of those inspections Now, of course that little old lady at the fruit stand who sold me that stuff did not clue me in on the fact They were gonna take it away from me in about ten minutes But I guess you know, that's all part of living on a big highway Taking advantage of stupid travelers and dumb gringos like me Anyway, five minutes later when I had to pull over at the food inspection site I had about 20 tangerines rolling all over the front seat of the car and when that government lady slug walked over

[19:13] And stuck her head in the window said you can't have that stuff. Give it here. I said, come on I just bought these you don't really mean that and she said Well, you can pull over to the side of the road and eat as many as you want here But you can't go any farther. So I said, all right, I'll do that and guess what? She handed me a bucket and she said anything I don't eat. I had to put in there and hand it back So with that bit of tension between us for the next five or ten minutes She stood about ten feet away from the car staring at me as I stuffed my face to the limit with those tangerines But since the hand is quicker than the eye for everyone I stuffed in my mouth I shoved one under the seat and in the end I think I put five uneaten ones in that bucket and handed them to her and was on my way now note earlier

[20:01] I said that these government Agricultural slugs that you're running to every once in a while out in the boonies They're not out to extort money from you fruits vegetables and nuts maybe but not money Then again, that stuff's as good as money, right? Anyway, do note that in conjunction with those little inspection boots Oftentimes as you drive down the road for another block or so getting closer and closer to the nearest border You'll run into another bunch of government slugs that run what they call a vehicle fumigation station And like I said, these will always be within a few miles of a country's border for them a good enough excuse to spray you And extort a few bucks out of you at the same time and what they're supposed to stop or minimize are Insect pests that might be hitchhiking along with you and your car

[20:50] Which always really makes me laugh because you'll note if you drive through any of these land borders Which are almost always way out in the boonies There is in fact a constant flow of local people who live nearby Going to visit their friends and relatives or doing business with people on the other side now These people are carrying boxes and knapsacks and driving bikes with baskets and 55-gallon drums and whatnot Just filled with clothes and produce and yes those forbidden fruits Vegetables and nuts and naturally carrying more than their fair share of bugs insects and other pests yet These guys and gals are allowed to pass freely back and forth as many times a day as they like and no Officials on either side ever check these guys for anything

[21:36] They're just the local people doing business passing freely back and forth on the border So then what about all those evil pests that are hitchhiking in their bikes and baskets and underwear? so as it turns out this is a little extortion game that every country plays at its own border because you see in order to Get your car fumigated. It'll cost you something like two to five bucks along with a free snoot full of carcinogens I'm sure that stuff surely ain't legal in the first world But in the end it said government slug who's spraying you that's really got a tough because he's got a breed that stuff And come in contact with it his whole shift But this is Latin America and no one's forcing him to do that job and in fact I haven't seen many two-headed kids running around lately, but who knows so finally

[22:24] I'm here to report that just lately I wasn't Belize and it's not the paradise you think it is nor by any means the country you want to drive through Four years ago not a problem people were nice You got through quickly and not much hassle at all even at the border But let me tell you these days in fact just last week at the police border those people do not seem to like their jobs That's for sure in fact I haven't seen such a bunch of snotty irritable people in a long time except at the Panama Airport That said the people at the police border checking cars and stamping passports are just in a word Testy they seem to want to give everyone who's coming through with a third degree again It's all about the money. They not only ask you how long you're gonna stay

[23:09] They ask you where you're gonna stay and they want to see a hotel reservation printout in fact I even saw a Nicaraguan couple driving through in a nice car and the government slug passport lady Asked them if they were married and the man said yes now remember This is Latin American people just don't want to stand in government lines So many times when people get married they never go back down to the passport office and get new passports with their new married name So this guy said yeah We're married and then the lady proceeded to ask him for the marriage certificate I'm telling you it was just beyond ridiculous and then you know Belize is the only country in Latin America that doesn't belong to a combined car insurance

[23:55] Syndicate meaning they don't honor anyone else's car insurance policy unless it's been taken out with a Belize company now Who does that only people who live in Belize of course so what does that mean well if you have car insurance for example in Honduras? Or Mexico or Guatemala it's generally good throughout Latin America except for one country Belize instead when you drive through they make you buy Insurance by the day for however many days you're driving through the country and depending on your car They'll hit you for three to five dollars a day so for some cars It could be between a hundred to a hundred fifty bucks a month and the thing is I don't even know if it works I don't know anybody who's gotten an accident there or had to use it But I've been told it's like everything else in Belize if something happens with the cops or there's an accident you can plan on the

[24:44] bureaucracy taking at least three days out of your life So here's how it goes as soon as you drive through the Belize border, and they process your papers, etc They make you go to a little building where it says car insurance You walk in there waste a half hour at least Handing over your passport and your papers to your car them making duplicates and triplicates and quadruplicates And of course paying your fee Then later after driving through Belize when you hit the Mexican border on your way to go to Playa del Carmen Tulum or Cancun whatever they'll make you pay an exit fee Which is around 15 or 20 bucks just to get the hell out of the country and on top of that insurance I'll make you pay a fee for bringing your car in and out

[25:30] So then you might ask what if you don't have the 15 or 20 dollars when you're heading out of Belize Now I asked that very question to one of the very nice Belize passport ladies, and she answered me like this Well, then I guess you have to sell something. Yep. You can tell she loves her job Belize scratch it off your list Oh, and I forgot to mention that within the first 45 minutes of driving in Belize I was stopped three times by the cops not personally they have these roadblocks You know and they check everyone and their papers of course Oh, yeah, and I forgot just for the privilege of being in Belize all the hotels and restaurants and services and food, etc Are about twice the price of everything on the other side of the border in Mexico or Guatemala?

[26:17] Except maybe for petrol it's not twice as much as the price right across the border in Guatemala or Mexico But it is about a third more and why should that be? one guess extremely bad and corrupt government So bottom line all you guys and gals up in Montreal Madison and Cleveland all of you who are so thinking about moving to Belize because why they speak English Well, if you're planning to come down without a nice nest egg already. Well, you can forget about it I've been there many times and I can tell you this it's no place you want to live and you know It's predictable people who seem to really love Belize are people who've never been much of anywhere outside of the US It's like Costa Rica you get there. You're blinded by the tropical beauty of it

[27:04] There's tons of gringos there. So they speak English and it's love at first sight But like Exped Eddie says it's like marrying your very first boyfriend or girlfriend They say it works for Mormons and Jehovah Witnesses, but well you get the point Okay. Now that we're quite at the end. I'd like to mention my expat wisdom seminar Just go to expatwisdom.com and click on the seminar link if you plan on attending I still have a few spots open. So check it out You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America coming to you twice a week from somewhere south of the border Email me the expat files at gmail.com And don't forget to check out expatwisdom.com to sign up for your free reports on Latin America

[27:52] See you next time. Nos vemos