#418 – The Expat Files: Prepaid Phones, Free Smartphones, Remittances, and Toilets in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Okay, the next few shows I think I'm gonna try to put the finishing touches on a lot of things I've spoken about but I ran out of time on previous shows You know big things left dangling things is a lot bigger than dangling participles But first let me mention an amazing fact they say now worldwide. There are more cell phones than people now

[00:51] That's been true in Latin America for a long time But here's what you didn't know. The fact is that 95% I'm reading this from a recent news article now 95% of all cell phones in Latin America the British call them mobiles are of the prepaid kind Which you might call throw away cheap ghetto phones in the States So the fact is you go to a little cell phone shop or one of the cell phone outlets down here in Latin America That is you could pick up one of these for about 15 or 20 bucks with that They'll include usually about a hundred free minutes of talk time Then after that you have to keep charging it to keep the minutes going So then who are the other 5% that have fixed cell phone service contracts? Well, those are the people that have steady secure jobs a bank account and a credit card because that's what you need

[01:38] To go down to the phone store and get a pay-by-the-month contract and note with these fixed cell phone contracts Nearly a hundred percent of the time they'll just deduct the amount every month from your credit card Now I know some of you right now are thinking hey It's just the opposite of what it's like up in the first world about 95% of people have a fixed contract in those throwaway cell phones Well, therefore people in the ghetto and drug dealers, right those so-called Obama phones Yeah, isn't it funny rumor has it that those free Obama phones up in the ghettos of the United States are used for drug deals How's that feel you're paying for it? You know, so anyway down here in Latin America You got 95% of all cell phones being prepaid with a prepaid card that you buy at the local store Or by going into any little retail outlet that has one of those little phone logos on the door

[02:27] Which means you can walk in and get a recarga an instant charge That's the way you do it without having to buy a prepaid card, which is much more convenient Now you might wonder if those scratch and sniff cards were all the rage for the last five years and they're suddenly out of favor And soon it's predicted you won't see them anymore at all Well, that's because if you're a street vendor and you have a stack of those cards They're as good as real money and us subject to being misplaced or stolen Whereas if you buy a recarga a recharge at one of those little vendors He has no such cards and no inventory to tempt anyone to rip off and speaking of those prepaid cheap cell phones That 95% of the people use down here note that this is Latin America the land of superficiality Where you are what you own or what you drive, which is the mindset down here. Anyway, that's not to say certain classes of society

[03:17] Up in the states don't have that mentality too. I mean look at rap and hip-hop videos, you know That said down here people will often hide the fact that they have one of these cheap phones and bury them deep in their purses or their pockets Whereas people who have a little bit more expensive So-called smartphone will make sure it stands out for all to see even if it's run out of time And they've got no money to recharge it which always makes me laugh because to me Displaying a smartphone right out in the open on your belt or in your pocket for all to see is like Someone standing right in front of you jabbering away with a ripe zit on his forehead. You're just thinking what's wrong with you Why don't you just pop that thing? But to Latin's a phone is not just a phone. It's a socioeconomic class statement So if you do have a smartphone even if it doesn't work or you don't have the dough to keep the minutes charged up

[04:09] Latins will still display it proudly and flash it enough to let you know They're not carrying one of those cheap throwaway jobs, which down here Reveals a lot about a person's standing in society and get this crazier still down here There's even a derogatory nickname for those cheap phones themselves Which also implies a kind of a cut down or slam to a person who has one? Implying of course you don't have the class or money enough to afford a real smartphone So that derogatory nickname for those prepaid phones is free hollado free hollado Now that's a word that's derived from the word free holy Which is the common everyday red or black bean that's consumed by the masses mostly lower and middle-class people

[04:56] In fact refried beans are made out of free holies Now like I said those cheap prepaid phones are called free hollados That word came about because little cheap cell phones all look just about the same and though they come in different colors The black ones anyway look like giant free holly beans So note that if you're walking the busy streets of Latin America You're in a commercial center or even an elevator and you hear someone say free hollado under their breath That'll be a Latin person poking fun at another person who is using one of those cheap throwaway phones In fact just this week I've heard two groups of teenage girls using it kind of cutting up on each other about their own phones to them It's an inside joke But if they were to say it about someone they don't know then it's a heavy insult

[05:43] That said I can tell you one of the surest ways to gain some respect and some self-esteem Instantly is to be able to ditch those little cheap free hollado phones and get a real smartphone Even a cheap one on a monthly contract which down here believe it or not includes a free smartphone So let's say you're in the upper 5% of Latin Americans economically And you go to the cell phone store and you qualify for a monthly plan well Then you'll be able to take your pick from a number of popular smartphones as a free gift for signing on to a plan For a year or 18 months you'll see that with most all cell phone companies now that brand and the features of That free smartphone that you get will depend on the kind of plan you sign up for and by the way

[06:30] I have a free hollado phone myself in fact I've got more than one no smartphone for me And that's when I always recommend for gringos down here because then you're not any kind of target Those little free hollado phones have no resale value So no one's out to steal them now do note that amongst other things latin's look at us gringos quite differently They don't classify us by our cars or our phones Meaning you are what you drive and what kind of cell phone you own etc Latins generally apply those rules only to themselves because you see as gringos. We've already been long since Stereotyped in the best possible way of course sure latin's thing is funny that many of us don't have high-end cell phones We're using the free hollados, but they never think it's because we can't afford it or because we're low-class

[07:19] They just think because well gringos have their idiosyncrasies and certain cultural differences that they'll just never understand and vice versa You see latin's believe that if us gringos and expats can afford to hang around in latin America for weeks months even years Then they believe it's all because we were lucky enough to be born first world people So then you might ask our latin's jealous of us are they jealous that we were born first world people and they weren't well to that Surprisingly enough I'd have to say no Because you see we come from such different worlds and different backgrounds. We're so far apart in so many ways There's really no basis for jealousy and I'll explain a little bit more about that in a little while Which brings me once again to the subject of happiness because you know when you get a bunch of long-term expats together down here

[08:08] Sometimes we talk about the things that seem to make an instant impression on fresh newbie gringos and First world visitors especially fresh new gringos are always saying how can these people be so happy look at the poverty They say that because they know poor and lower middle-class people up in the state seem to be so miserable and unhappy So it's only natural that when first world people come down and see the happiness. They just don't get it It's a conundrum and at first I didn't get it either You know I can't tell you how many times a gringos come down to my seminar I meet one on the street, and they say the same thing It's just so refreshing meeting so many genuinely happy and friendly people it just doesn't make sense now of course I'm talking about latin's off the gringo tourist trail where they haven't been contaminated spoiled jaded or otherwise ruined by the gringo dollar

[09:01] Or for that matter like what happened in Costa Rica hordes of gringo tourists and their kids looking for McDonald's four-star Hotels strip joints and casinos anyway just recently that subject of happiness came up again in fact There's been a couple of new studies out in first world rags and magazines Again with the surprising results that four out of the top ten were latin american countries Anyway at a recent christmas party and in latin america christmas parties are called con vivios Vivio means life and con means with so there you have it it means a lively party Anyway since I'm off the gringo tourist trail as usual this con vivio had about a hundred people and there were only three gringos in attendance Anyway one of the long-term gringos

[09:48] I was with who happens to be an english teacher at one of those expensive helicopter private schools Just loaded with gringo wanna be entitled kids of pretentious parents You know I've mentioned those schools many times on the show since practically any gringo coming down could easily get an english teaching job At one of these schools anyway my long-term gringo teaching friends said he thinks he knows the real reason why latins are so very happy And you know I've heard a lot of theories, but I've never heard anyone put it so well He says and I have to totally agree with him that no matter if you're with dirt poor latins Middle-class latins or upper middle-class latins whatever Socioeconomic class you happen to be in your neighbors are pretty homogeneous. They're all in the same boat for example if they're very poor

[10:35] They all have rickety little shacks with tin roofs and coal running water if that no car Obviously a couple of chickens in the yard no washing machine perhaps an old boxy TV Basically families in the whole damn neighborhood are pretty much poor low-class clones of each other same thing with a solid middle-class latin family all your neighbors will have pretty much the same appliances a washer a Refrigerator a microwave no dryer no trash compactor no vacuum cleaner a TV for sure But nothing fancy and maybe just maybe a 15 year old car sitting outside That's always breaking down and getting worked on so again basically everyone's in the same boat now for sure not everyone's Extraordinarily happy in the neighborhood and lately many of us gringos who've been down here a long time have noticed a certain amount of

[11:26] Happiness in the form of jealousy envy etc Creeping into neighborhoods and cities where you never really saw it before well now This is the real interesting part, and if you buy this argument It'll stick with you for a long long time and according to my gringo English teacher buddy It goes like this Let's take the example of a small town out in the boonies where everyone's pretty much homogeneous Oh sure you got families that own small hardware stores and little tiendas and stuff the business class They've got slightly better houses and more things But no one's really envious to them because you know they can do that too They just have to work a little harder and have a couple of lucky breaks It's always possible and everyone knows that but here's the situation lately where things have been getting cockeyed And if you're down here, and you keep your eyes open you can see it for yourself

[12:15] Okay, now for example suppose you drive through a small town on the boonies. That's let's say 6,000 people now as you're going through the main drag the so-called downtown area these days anyway You're bound to see two or three kids driving brand new scooters And I'm talking about adolescent kids 14 to 16 years old even young girls now You'd never see that a few years back except of course on the gringo tourist trail where there's a lot of tourism Costa Rica for example anyway How do you think that happens a couple of young teenage kids in every town that have brand new motor scooters? Just to go joyriding around I'll give you one guess it's because Their parents or family members are up in the states as illegals sending back that money every month called remisses

[13:02] I've spoken about remisses enough on previous shows anyway Think of it in a small town like that where adults don't even have scooters hell They wouldn't buy one not for their kids and not to joyride around that would be beyond extravagant in fact Ridiculous if they had the money they'd buy something really useful like an old pickup truck or a motorcycle Which certainly would be used by dad and dad alone for the business or to go back and forth to work now That's not to say that occasionally like on a Sunday dad wouldn't pile three four or five kids on that motorcycle at once to go To church you get the idea. This is Latin America You know what I'm saying is if a middle-class family happened to have a motorcycle in the family It would be the prized workhorse and nothing for the kids to play around with so anyway now suddenly you've got some kids that were

[13:50] normally part of the Homogeneous mix equal to everyone suddenly they've been jacked up more than a notch or two in the perceived Social order of the neighborhood and that my friends tends to bring a lot of jealousy and envy amongst the neighbors I'm bringing up a situation where a teenager is showing off on his new scooter thing as an obvious example But it shows up in other weird ways, too now consider a community where all the houses are basically the same like I said and suddenly in the midst of all that a construction crew comes in and Expands someone's little house to about ten times its normal size and about two stories higher than anything else in the neighborhood That's surprisingly enough from a distance looks a lot like a middle-class gringo house in Cleveland again

[14:36] That's all due to those remissas being sent home by some illegal from the family That's somehow landed a decent job up there So you can imagine what that does to the general feeling in the neighborhood first of all they realize their neighbors Enrichment comes from not working There's really no effort involved and secondly of course it makes everyone wish that they could sneak into the u.s. And do the same thing But that's not the issue here the issue is the so-called have nots see that suddenly things are out of balance in the neighborhood So now you've got envy and jealousy creeping in which are pretty much polar opposites of happiness So indirectly my English teacher buddy pointed out It says gringos who are responsible for a certain amount of unhappiness that seems to be creeping into cities in Latin America

[15:24] And he said hoards of gringos are responsible directly and indirectly for Costa Rica falling off the list of high happiness countries, too As he said some 15 or 20 years ago Costa Rica was full of it Oh, yes, you could argue they're full of something right now, too But it ain't happiness now if you think all this is a bunch of hypothetical BS Let me give you another little example here just about three weeks ago expat Eddie Inform me that his long-term gardener just up and quit on him Now down here in Latin America when you're a long-term gringo or expat You come to depend on certain guys and gals like your cleaning lady and your gardener and your maintenance man Whatever and after a while if you get a good one They really do become part of your family then what happened to this guy that expat Eddie always counted on

[16:11] Well as it turns out he's got a brother who lives in Nevada a so-called wetback a mojado and like I said before That's not a derogatory term down here in Latin America That's exactly what the newspapers and the media call people who slip into the states illegally Mojado's which means wetback anyway, somehow he must have hit the jackpot in Vegas And he sent enough money back to his brother Eddie's gardener that he was able to buy a late model car now No, Eddie's gardener never had a car or a vehicle of any sort and so he never had a driver's license Neither did anyone else in his family But nevertheless he went out and bought a car and now he figures like his family does with his car He's jumped up enough notches on the social scale that he's no longer the kind of guy who would settle for just

[16:58] Gardening and maintenance jobs now note that Eddie's ex-gardener it does not have another job lined up that might pay for gas or maintenance for that car and Forget about car insurance only about two or three percent of Latins have that Insurance never really was on the radar down here except for gringos and people who buy their car on Financing terms in that case you're forced to get insurance Anyway, the fact is just the act of a lower middle-class guy having a car sitting in his driveway Whether he can afford the gas or not is quite exceptional even more exceptional The fact that it's a very late model car in a neighborhood where almost no one has a car that Reliably runs or a car that has less than 50 dense nicks and scratches in it

[17:44] So then what's a situation like that do well? It puts a lower middle-class Latin in an entirely different social class or at least that's the common perception Not only in his mind But in the mind of his neighbors now Eddie logically predicts that in a couple months his old gardener will come crawling back Knocking on the back door asking for his old job back because you see down here It's the same old story with illegal aliens up north There's just no guarantee at all that those remisses the dough that's coming from his illegal alien brother up in Nevada It's gonna keep on coming in fact get this the other day I was visiting someone at a very nice first-world hospital and the nurse in the room started speaking to me in broken English Asking me if I'd ever been to a certain neighborhood in LA

[18:30] But nope, but I never heard of it when I got her story that she'd been up there for a year and a half and got Caught and deported. Nope. She didn't tell me that but it was obvious. In fact, they almost never tell you that It's just a little too embarrassing, you know Anyway, she said she was able to send back enough money in just that year and a half to have her own tiny little house For her and her mother and enough money left over to take nursing classes down here in Latin America Of course where she'd been sending her money back to her mother every single month Now, of course, it wasn't her plan to get caught and deported It never is the plan was to keep sending money down and build a nice big house in the old neighborhood To return to and retire when the time came and live like a queen. So can you see what's happening here?

[19:18] That's the plan. The plan is to come back and be better than all your neighbors and shove it right in their faces Now you'd think that the plan would logically be let's get enough money to move to a nicer neighborhood where the houses are better To get away from those tin roofs the dirt floors the driveway chickens in the squalor But no as it turns out, it's all about returning to the old neighborhood as the conquering hero But as my deep-thinking expat high school teacher friend said it's just that provincial attitude That's creating a certain amount of misplaced envy and jealousy that never really existed in these small towns before and thus in the long run eroding a lot of that Latin American happiness factor that everyone talks so much about and you know That's exactly what happened to expat Eddie's girlfriend when she finally talked him into getting her an SUV

[20:08] That provincial attitude prevailed and she did pretty much the same thing Do you know what the first thing she did when she got that car? She had her driver. Yes, remember? She got a driver to take her to the old neighborhood where her mother and all her relatives still live yes, they live in a not so nice solid middle-class neighborhood in San Salvador a place I'd never recommend you or I Drive a nice car like that into sure a five-year-old Nissan Sentra That'd be fine, but a brand new high-end SUV Well, Eddie knows better than to let her do that But what can he do when she's out on her own just showing off tooling around with her driver? Well as it turns out the first thing she did was she went to the old neighborhood and she

[20:54] Picked up her sisters and her aunts and her uncle and her mother etc And they proceeded to spend the next two or three hours just driving through the neighborhood Pulling up to the houses and the people on the street that they knew making with the friendly hellos, etc But basically just shamelessly showing off that she's got a brand new SUV something that None of them in their wildest dreams could ever afford to have in other words Expeded his girlfriend drove away from the old neighborhood that day with a self-satisfied smile on her face Feeling great that she trumped them all and they knew it. Meanwhile, what do you think all those folks in the old neighborhood? We're thinking nothing good. I can tell you that but note after that little narcissistic display From then on there was just a little bit less happiness in that neighborhood

[21:42] So in the end as far as Latin Americans are concerned, what is happiness really about? Well, my gringo English teacher, buddy says the way he figures it the secret to happiness is get this low not high Expectations that's low expectations Which when you think about it makes a lot of sense For example, he says if you go into a store and you've only got three choices of shoes Well, you make your choice fast. You're out of there and you're happy However, if you go into a store and it's got two hundred choices of shoes It's gonna take you one hell of a long time to make a decision and once you've made it you're gonna walk out of the Place thinking wait a minute. Did I do the right thing that I check out all the possibilities So how does that relate to Latins? Well, like I said you go to a small town

[22:28] Let's say ten or fifteen thousand people and you go to a variety store Well, guess what? There ain't much variety they've got maybe two TV brands and three or four couches on the display floor and When you're off the gringo tourist trail in a small town like that you'll see in the hardware stores They've got maybe three or four faucet styles and maybe two or three toilet styles for sale And as for the toilets most likely the same manufacturer just different colors Oh, and by the way, you might think well a toilets a toilet, right? Well down here it isn't I can tell you that I don't know about up north but down here in Latin America They've got your regular American standard or Kohler sized toilets Pretty much the same model that you found in your mother's house back in the 60s 70s and 80s Which did serve all us millions of baby boomers quite

[23:16] Well, I'd say though from what I hear they really need to be super sized these days for the new breed of super sized Gringos up north, but you'll notice when you come down here They've also got a very very popular line of much cheaper toilets that look like they're kind of starter toilets As far as we're concerned training potties, but yes I said but and I mean that as an expression no pun intended down here in many stores Restaurants and many commercial districts. You'll go into the bathroom and you'll see a toilet that looks like it's for maybe a 12 year old Well, just know that that's the economy model and believe me It usually ends up being a double or triple flush Situation under the best of conditions if you know what I mean Oh and by the way those water saving toilets are starting to make their way into hardware stores down here in Latin America, too

[24:07] And yes, they're higher priced. So very very few people have them However in newer more first world like establishments, you'll see them pop up here and there as far as I'm concerned They're just crap again. No pun intended. Well, maybe just a little That said just give me one of those old standard baby boomer Kohler's or American standards any day You know those one flush old do yes I know I know they use about 20 gallons of water every flush But hell at least the next guy is not gonna know you had corn for dinner Don't you hate when that happens? Anyway, the concept behind water saving toilets is tremendous If only their function could follow their claim that said I know they're everywhere up north in fact required, right?

[24:53] Okay, then what's your favorite water saving toilet fiasco story? I know you have one Well, I don't want to know however I will say a really disgusting thing is starting to turn up down here in Latin America the waterless men's urinal Have you seen that yet up north? I'm sure you have well to me as a past life engineer There's something fundamentally wrong with that concept. Come on Tell me you've been in a bathroom where they've had those and it hasn't been stinky and kind of disgusting now Down here in Latin America. I've seen those waterless urinal jobs show up in certain US fast-food restaurant chains bad idea And by the way, how do you clean them if they're supposed to be waterless? Don't tell me I don't want to know anyway

[25:39] You heard me talk about expat Eddie's girlfriend a little while ago and the latest Disagreements they've been having has been over. Guess what Facebook now down here in Latin America Everybody's on Facebook just like up north only nobody seems to have figured out That giving up all that data etc to the cloud can be pretty risky Now note that just recently a lot of stories have been breaking in the big Latin newspapers Highlighting how there's been a rash of kidnappings and extortions Perpetrated on stupid upscale rich Latin kids who give up every little detail to Facebook And why wouldn't the bad guys and no goodniks down here stalk idiot rich kids on Facebook? They do it all the time up north, right? So anyway, Eddie tried to sit his girlfriend down and explain why he did not want her on Facebook anymore as Eddie explained to her

[26:30] He said think of Facebook as the world's biggest Naval gazing tool allowing you to gaze into everyone else's navel and vice versa She bought his explanation and agreed but asked him Eddie. What's navel gazing? Because you see here in Latin America, that's where Translations falter there's no such thing as a navel gazer in Spanish. Instead. You have to substitute the word Narcissist close enough and it'll work, but it ain't half as funny Is it anyway as luck would have it about a week later? Exped Eddie caught her on Facebook again And in the end he figured there was just nothing he could do about it because as it turns out down here in Latin America if you're not on Facebook, you're a nobody whoops. We're getting towards the end again So let me mention my January 2015

[27:18] Exped wisdom seminar in Central America. I do have some spots left So just go to expat wisdom calm and click on the seminar link for full details You need a plan B. So come on down and we'll fix one up for you You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America coming to you twice a week from somewhere south of the border Email me the expat files at gmail.com and don't forget to check out expat wisdom calm to sign up for your free Reports on Latin America. See you next time nos vemos