#443 – The Expat Files: Real Estate, Culture, and Life in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border, down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wander Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Alright today if you hear some construction or some hammering going on I'm an expat Eddie's neck of the woods and there's some construction going on in his colony and remember when I say colony I'm not talking about ants down here in Latin America. A neighborhood is not called a neighborhood

[00:48] It's called a colony or in Spanish very similar Colonial and you know, I'm forever talking about this huge construction bubble down here in Latin America And yes, it's out of control and growing by leaps and bounds. So when's it gonna pop? Well, it's kind of popping already It's a terrific renters market off the gringo tourist trail. Anyway, there's just so many vacant brand-new properties and houses and unfinished Projects you just can't believe it. In fact, the locals it doesn't matter what class they are either are so Oblivious as to the fact that there's a bubble going on nearly everyone who you talk to who's got a job Has two goals in mind to move on up by first buying a nice SUV Because you know down here you are what you drive whether you can keep up the payments or even afford the gas or not and that second goal or

[01:38] Meta and ETA as they call it in Spanish for every Latin person who's got a job Building a new house for themselves somewhere in the burbs. Yes down here in Latin America Because of that lag time effect the burbs are all the rage though There have been small attempts to revitalize the central districts of big cities that have some colonial structures in them yet And I mean colonial not as in colony or neighborhood I mean colonial as in Spanish colonial style architecture So there have been some attempts in all big Latin cities to gentrify some of the rundown old colonial neighborhoods But so far with very limited success whereas in the real historic districts where they've got the original Cathedrals and old Spanish forts, etc Those places have all had a certain trickle of tourists even where you wouldn't expect well off the tourist trail

[02:28] I can only say that the tourism involved there is basically Latin tourists and the occasional scruffy European or American backpacker. Oh, and let's not forget those tall waspy Kumbaya Church groups those do-gooders that come down from the states to build toilets and cisterns for Jesus I mean, let's face it. They got to do something when they come back to the big city for the weekend, don't they? So anyway today, I'm in expat at ease colonial or neighborhood and within two minutes of his spread There are like three new houses going up and I'm talking about upper middle-class houses here That probably would go for about five or six hundred thousand bucks in the suburbs of Chicago Though I may be way off on that since I haven't been back to Chicago for a couple of decades now Let's just say we're talking about houses that are on maybe half an acre and at least

[03:16] 3500 to 4000 square feet that said speaking of construction the other day I was talking to one of my new expat friends a lady a gringa that came to one of my expat with some seminars And now lives in Central America permanently. Yep. She made the plunge all alone very brave of her, right? So let that be an example to all you gringas up there in Cleveland who are sitting on the fence Anyway, she ended up renting an apartment in a very very nice guarded residential tower for I think six or seven hundred bucks a month Whatever and she pointed something out to me that has crossed my mind many times But maybe I haven't mentioned it yet Oh, maybe I have that is very few houses and apartments even upscale houses and apartments come with a bathtub Which is called a Tina down here tina just like the woman's name Tina

[04:04] That's a bathtub and no this fresh gringa expat. We're talking about her name is not Tina So let's not confuse that now Maybe I did mention this point in my first hundred shows can't remember that is even though most people first world gringos Anyway, don't care to take too many baths anymore. Everybody's into showers, you know, get it over quickly rush rush rush Takes time to draw the water, right? Just remember there will be times especially as you get older You'll be thankful. You have a real bathtub or Tina So obviously if you're gonna build a house which I don't recommend in this big boom bubble Or you rent an apartment or a house Chances are unless you're gonna rent a very big spacious apartment with three or four bedrooms or more or a house That's got maybe three thousand square foot or more

[04:49] Most of the time you can count on the fact that it won't have a bathtub now It might have four or five bathrooms all nicely equipped with showers But somehow the bathtub thing only seems to happen once in a while In fact now that I think of it I've been in houses that have five even six bathrooms that don't have a bathtub and sure they sell them down here All right They're in every hardware store and in all colors and flavors including baby poop yellow and military vomit green Which by the way are two very popular latin wall coloring schemes If you think your grandma Gertrude or aunt Dolores have bad taste you ain't been down to Latin America yet And ex-pat Eddie says and by the way, he's in the other room He doesn't want to come up here and why is that you might ask? Well, it's not cuz he's shy He just is a very very low-profile guy three cheers for Eddie, huh?

[05:38] Remember he's the guy who always has a roll of happy face stickers in his car and when he sees a camera Like the ones in upscale parking lots where you press a button and you get the ticket and the gate goes up He's the guy who every time he can get away with it leaves one of those stickers behind on the camera lens He does it with bank drive-up windows and elevator cameras, too So if you see a camera with a happy face sticker over it if you're down here It was Eddie if you're in Cleveland it was a copycat anyway He's got his own ideas why people don't have bathtubs in their houses even some of the wealthiest people don't have bathtubs He says it's not because they're in a hurry like first-world people I mean, this is Latin America. Come on manana time prevails even with the wealthy which is again Why so many first-world gringos are successful when we start businesses

[06:25] We don't operate them on manana time. We operate them on real time first-world time I mean, come on who's paint and hobby store Are you gonna frequent the gringo owned one that opens at nine because it says it opens at nine on the door Or the one down the street owned by a Latin the scruffier dingier looking one that opens at nine 30 even though the sign on the door says it opens at nine now Don't think I'm stretching the point here You can go to any big Latin shopping center even in high-end malls and see workers even owners strolling in Unlocking the front doors of their businesses in the morning 5 10 20 30 even 45 minutes past the opening time That's printed right on the door Now you won't see gringo business owners doing that unless they had an emergency or a car accident or something though

[07:13] I have to admit many many gringos. I know anyway, including myself over the years We lose that snap your finger gotta do this right now attitude that we had when we first came down here After a while you do see that happen with gringos and we probably live longer for it over the years We may have our edges rounded off a bit though. We always still maintain an edge It's simply like one expat put it no matter how clean you are when you're swimming in the toilet You're gonna get some down. Yeah. Oh, what's that got to do with anything? Well, like Eddie says as far as Tina's or bathtubs go when you happen to be at someone's house who does have a Tina You know at a party or whatever and you got to use the bathroom Notice that all the Tina's down here in Latin America unless they're brand new are always pretty disgusting and scummed up with scale and build up

[08:00] Even though these people have 24 7 cleaning ladies They just can't or don't know how to get the scum off the bathtub, you know the lime and the scale in fact down here They call it sorrow like sorrow, you know sorrowful. It's not spelled that way, but it sounds just like sorrow So if someone says my bathtub or kitchen sink has sorrow, it's not that there's anything sad about it Well, I take that back. Maybe it is pretty sad. That just means it's loaded with scale and scum now I know I'm getting off the subject quite a bit here now But let me give you a little tip You know how I and so many other expat gringos handle that situation and you know with all the volcanic soil down Here the water is terribly hard So you're gonna get scummed up sinks and drains whether you like it or not Unless you get something like a collagen water softener and I know they exist you can get them down here because I've seen those big

[08:52] Resin exchange tanks at pool supply stores, but I've never seen one installed in the house How do you like that? So how do expats handle a thick scum that builds up on the sinks and fixtures? Well, they could do like so many lands even the richest ones meaning nothing Let it build up like stalactites and stalagmites until they get so heavy and thick they break off on their own accord Or you can just hand your maintenance guy or your cleaning lady one of those chick or Gillette square Safety razor blades you can buy them at pretty much any hardware store So then you'll have to give a little demonstration to your cleaning lady or maintenance guy You show them how to get the crud off and they'll follow your lead So then if you said him or her on the job, let's say every six months

[09:39] You'll have really nice looking sink strains and bathtubs And if you're thinking well, I could just go out and buy some of that scum away crap or whatever That stuff might have some use up in Cleveland, but down here if I get about it That would be kind of like trying to wash your car with a squirt gun and a box of Kleenex and believe me down here Everybody's got a box or two or three of some kind of scum off gathering dust under the kitchen or bathroom cabinet Oh, there's a huge market for that stuff. All right, but none of it works, but where were we? Oh, yeah Expat Eddie says in a way. It's a very good thing that most Latins don't have Tina's bathtubs That is not just because of the scum buildup. Can you guess well for one thing if you're taking your water directly from the municipality There are times when the pressure is so low it take you six hours to fill the damn thing up

[10:28] Number two the lower classes and half of the middle class people in Latin America don't have hot running water in their house Oh, they'll have one of those point of use hot water shower head heaters that we talked about in a past show But they don't repeat they don't have a whole house hot water heater Which you'll need if you're gonna fill up a bathtub unless you don't mind cold water baths and to me that's rough in it Here's a statistic for you. Did you know that less than 5% of Latin American homes have central hot water? So do look out for that when you rent or buy Aside from that like expat Eddie says if you're a first-world person and you're used to taking a bath once in a while And of course many ladies are fond of them If you do have a house or an apartment with a bathtub

[11:13] You might just swear off on the idea the first time you try it. Why well about 80% of the tap water down here And probably all of it coming from the municipality is not at all what you'd call clear clean colorless water So once you've filled up your bathtub, and it looks like grandma's chicken broth soup you want to get in it Which is why again so many of us expats install a big canister whole house filter on the main cold Water line running into our houses which really will get rid of a lot of that problem Just use a 20 micron filter, and you probably have to change that thing about every four to six months You can just go to the local pool supply outfit and get one of those big tall plastic canister filters about two foot high And the canister screws off and you shove the filter in the cost about 30 to 50 bucks down here

[12:04] It's a one-time expense and the filters a 20 micron filter now Don't get a higher micron rate because gunk will get through and don't get a lower one because it'll clog up much faster Anyway, one of those will cost you about ten bucks now I always recommend one of those whole house filters because who knows what kind of junk and particles are going to come through anyway And what I found is if you don't have one of those filters after about six months even in a new house All the little strainers on your kitchen and bathroom sinks get clogged not to mention There's always a little strainer in the line to your washing machine So whether you know it or not those things will eventually clog up with particles and sand and rust and stuff And soon enough you'll notice the water's flowing slower and slower now of course

[12:50] It's easy to clean those things you know you just unscrew the tip of your faucet and tap it out And in the case of your washing machine you've got to unscrew both lines the hot and the cold water And they'll be a tiny plastic basket filter usually right where the hose screws to the machine So if you don't have a whole house filter after you emptied one of those little screens in the faucet or the washing machine You certainly will think about getting one now get this the local appliance repair guy once told me that he gets a lot of business From stupid rich people now his definition of a rich guy is a little different than yours and mine to him a rich guy is someone Who's got a washer and a dryer so anyway? He says he loves those rich clients they call him when their washing machines don't fill correctly anymore And he says 90% of the time it's because the filters clogged takes him three minutes to pull it out and clean it

[13:40] And he says it's the fastest 10 bucks that he ever makes now There is more than one hidden message there you get the filter part right, but think about it When's the last time you paid 10 bucks for an appliance guy to make a house call about? 1962 right so then the question is should you get a bathtub well? Yes by all means you never know when you're gonna need one Who can predict when aunt girdy with the double hip replacements is gonna come down and stay at your house for a month? She's certainly not gonna mess with the shower. She's gonna want to hit the Tina. I mean bathtub Oh, and one last thing about bathtubs almost no one has ceramic bathtubs down here anymore Just like they don't up in the states everybody's got some kind of plastic or plexiglass

[14:25] So if you want ceramic or porcelain you can get them But you're gonna pay you through the nose for it so anyway now that we got expat Eddie here in the other room anyway It's kind of a lucky thing because a couple of days ago. I got an email from a guy asking me about liquor licenses I mean it does come up quite a bit especially with expats who are starting brick-and-mortar businesses They want to know if they start a hotel or a restaurant or even a bar just what kind of BS They're gonna have to go through to get a liquor license and expat Eddie was just the guy to ask why because he's got A lot of restaurants so here's a scoop on that if you happen to be on the gringo tourist trail like Costa Rica and Panama and most of Mexico or in Chile or Argentina or even Uruguay which are very bureaucratic inefficient corrupt heavy-handed governments now

[15:12] Anyway, you can get liquor licenses quite easily, but they come with a lot of restrictions now in general There are three kind of liquor licenses. The first one is not really a liquor license at all It's just permission to sell liquor out about regular T and or grocery store or whatever when you get your so-called Permit to open which is called a sanitary license. You can automatically sell all that stuff You don't need a separate liquor license now I still don't know why they call it a sanitary license though You have to post it in your business and it says sanitary right on it So they may say it's a sanitary license, but there's nothing really sanitary about these places once they open Just check out the bathroom sometime. You know anyway when you get that general sanitary license You can sell anything a little store sells beer wine booze

[15:59] Except you're not supposed to open or drink this stuff in or on the premises now note when you're off the tourist trail Which is about 97% of Latin America that drinking on the premises law might exist, but no one I mean no one enforces it in fact if you see any of the shell or Texaco mini-marts down here For example, they all sell booze and beer and you'll see outside almost every night people drinking on the premises Partying and hanging around their cars You know and no one does a thing as long as they're not loud boisterous and crazy the armed Rent-a-cop they always have at these places just leaves them alone now if you have a restaurant or a bar Hotel bed and breakfast whatever obviously you want to be able to serve liquor there So you'll want the liquor license with all the bells and whistles right well that too when you're off the tourist trail

[16:46] It is might only run you 50 to 300 dollars, and that's it however if you're on the tourist trail It could get political and then some so what's that all about well? It's like this Eddie told me of a case that he experienced directly Turns out the way these liquor laws are written They always have some kind of a clause in them that says you can't serve liquor within 200 300 or 500 meters depending on the city and country etc from certain facilities Like a school a church a daycare center hospital etc Note that down here in Latin America 50 meters or about 150 feet is considered one city block So if the restriction says no liquor is served within 200 meters of a school for example that means four blocks

[17:32] Now as it turns out even though those laws exist when you're off the gringo tourist trail The government issuing agency is never strict about it in fact they almost never bring it up at all They just issue your license, and you've got it especially if you're a gringo However like I said when you're on the tourist trail the gringo tourist trail or the latin tourist trail You know the towns that latins frequent on weekends for vacations etc Oftentimes like Eddie says for any number of weird reasons. They just won't give you that license anyway Suppose you do decide to open a little restaurant And there's a school or church within the two or five hundred meters whatever Eddie says the way it works is this you go Down to the municipality where they issue the license and you have a little meat now remember We're talking about on the tourist trail here, and usually it's all about bribing the guy not much in fact

[18:22] You usually let your lawyer handle that stuff could be two three four hundred bucks now remember like I said Eddie's been Directly involved in these situations, and he also says that a long time ago He learned if you bring a very good-looking woman along with you when you have that little meeting Sometimes there's no bribe or extra expense at all only in Latin America, huh? When Eddie says the few times he's had to go to a meeting like that you always walk in there as nice as can be And you say to the corrupt fat ass piece of government slug that's sitting behind that desk to be sure that he and the wife and the family come in and have dinner and drinks during The grand opening on the house and like Eddie says he probably will stop in and take advantage of that

[19:07] Because you see those tin-plated bureaucratic slugs are all alike They know they got that power of life and death over you for about 10 minutes And they use it like all politicians do to extort favors etc But like Eddie says that rarely happens off the gringo tourist trail almost always They're so glad to see a gringo setup shop that they bend over backwards and actually put your paperwork on the top of the pile You've got that gringo advantage going again, and you get to take cuts Just ask one of my new expat friends Tom He came down to one of my expat wisdom seminars decided to move on down and get his residency and he tells me every time he had to go to the Immigration office to go through all the steps that you need to do to get those residency papers going etc

[19:52] He says as soon as he walked in and he's the tallest kind of place Of course They immediately take him by the hand and bring him up to the head of the line in front of 50 even a hundred people Sometimes people who've been waiting there for hours So then you might ask what about all those people he took cuts in front of did they get pissed off well No, that's the amazing thing. They were very nice about it like he was visiting royalty or something It's that gringo advantage again But remember these days that kind of thing only happens when you're off the gringo tourist trail So then like expat Eddie says things like that happen all the time when you're in business off the gringo tourist trail, too But if you try to do business on the gringo tourist trail

[20:38] Look out things like the following have been known to happen Eddie knows a guy who's got a bar and restaurant business on a beach strip in Manuel Antonio Costa Rica And he said after the guy had been in business about six months all of a sudden one day He got a knock on the door There were some municipality officials there saying that they were gonna close him down because he was within 500 meters of a church a tiny little hole in the wall Evangelical church a dumpy little house with crooked hand-painted letters on it that get this wasn't even there when he opened up his bar business Turns out some local evangelical guy who called himself a prophet Turned his own little hole-in-the-wall house into an evangelical church And now Eddie's buddy was suddenly violating the 500 meter rule

[21:26] So yes, they did shut down the business and the guy's lawyer was able to get a hearing in five days So they were closed for five days in the end get this at the meeting Eddie's buddy found out that this Evangelical preacher started the whole thing because he filed a complaint on him So then you got to wonder how did this guy even know those zoning laws that there was a restriction like that? So as it turns out, it was a legal extortion scheme The gringo bar owner and his lawyer sat down with the municipality and the so-called Evangelical prophet with the hole-in-the-wall church and they all came to a dirty little arrangement Where the gringo paid the guy off to drop the complaint? And of course the gringo's lawyer was there to make it all legal So that the guy had no recourse to do it again

[22:12] And of course the petty bureaucrat and the municipality got a little cut to to permanently give the gringo a zoning waiver What a scam, huh? Just know that's tourist trail stuff and rarely happens off the tourist trail Let that be a lesson to all you folks out there If your idea of the good life is to come down and hang with other expat gringos Well, you know, there's nothing wrong with that If you got some kind of fixed income coming in from the states a pension whatever or a big savings account But just don't think starting a business on the gringo tourist trails anything but easy The longer a place is thick with gringos The more certain you can be the locals know all the angles and the scammers come out of the woodwork Okay, that's it right now. Let's talk a bit about my expat wisdom upcoming seminar in July 2015

[22:57] I've got it all planned down. The dates are said it's gonna be July 11th. That's a Saturday through July 16th That's a Thursday and the price of the seminar will include six nights at first world hotels Now I mentioned an early bird special since we're some months away So for all of you who've sent me emails wanting to get in on the early bird thing I'm putting up the announcement in the complete details on expat wisdom calm and I'll personally send you the link too So expect that soon. So that said for anyone who signs up before May 1st, there will be a $500 discount and if you come as a couple or two people double occupancy in the same hotel room You'll get an additional thousand dollar discount by signing up with that option

[23:42] Just go to www expat wisdom calm and click on the seminar link and you'll get all the details and all the price breaks Etc, but do remember on May 1st, the prices go up by 500 bucks. So make your plans now Oh, and by the way, I might not have told you this But I've had at least two dozen people take my seminars who are actually in the business of giving Seminars themselves on whatever topic not expat seminars, of course I'm talking about people who give finance seminars or self-help seminars, whatever not to mention I've had quite a few people who've taken my seminars who call themselves Seminar junkies that is people who take lots of seminars In fact, I remember two or three people telling me they've taken at least 100 or more seminars and the comment I Overwhelmingly get from these people the people who are in the seminar business themselves and the so-called self profess seminar junkies

[24:36] They say my seminar is way too underpriced and then I give out way too much information Which I guess is good for you and not so good for me, right? That's why people say it's like drinking from a fire hose So that said just go to www expat wisdom calm and click on the seminar link for all the information But you might have to wait till Monday or Tuesday before it's on the site and post it Oh and one last thing, you know, these seminars I give can't last forever Bureau rats up in the states are making it more difficult to leave little by little they're closing the door on that That's why at the seminar we talk a lot about getting temporary residency then permanent residency leading to a passport You have to have plan B now You have to take the steps so that when the door finally does slam shut up in the states you have a legal way out

[25:25] So what are you gonna do when that happens or the dollar crashes or the US won't renew your passport anymore? Because you're on a troublemaker list or under suspicion of one thing or another might even be the blogs you read or post or the websites You visit just saying you need a plan B So do make it a point to line your ducks up and come down to my next expat wisdom seminar And while we're at it Let's talk a little bit about my friend Richard Martin. Most of you know Richard Martin's show the wake-up call It's one of only three radio podcast shows. I listen to anyway Richard Martin and his wake-up call show have been on PR in since the station started but as of now He's no longer affiliated with PR in but of course He'll be continuing with his twice weekly shows on Fridays and Mondays

[26:10] I think and like my show you can stream them or download them or listen to them when they're aired live So take this down from now on to get Richard Martin show All you have to do is go to this address Richard Martin's wake-up call That's Richard Martin's with an s wake-up call Dot pod bean dot-com. That's Richard Martin's wake-up call dot pod bean as p-o-d-b-e-a-n Dot-com now as far as his reasons for breaking off with PR and people have been asking me about that too And all I can say is for those of you who listen to him and I recommend everybody tune in and give it a shot Anyway for all those years. He's been doing his show live Relayed from Singapore to New York. That's Eastern time and being that all those years

[26:57] He was relaying that show live from Singapore He had to do his show in the wee hours of the morning because he's 12 hours ahead in Singapore Which would make him a much better man than I am that's for sure But anyway, just a few weeks ago, he made the break from PRN and now you can pick him up on podbean.com So if you want the solid financials and statistics of why the world's going to hell in a handbasket and why it's time to get out Of the states now do listen to Richard Martin's wake-up call and since he lived in Argentina for quite a while He has the Latin angle covered. Well, too You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America coming to you twice a week from somewhere south of the border

[27:42] Email me the expat files at gmail.com and don't forget to check out expat wisdom calm to sign up for your free Reports on Latin America. See you next time. No swaymos