#459 – The Expat Files: Navigating Latin America’s Cultural and Economic Realities

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border, down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Now you often hear me refer to Latin America as the third world and believe me every Latin American country has its little islands and pockets And sections of dire poverty that'll never be anything but third world In fact, you could say some Latin countries are 95 or even 98 percent third world

[00:50] Yet there are sections in every Latin American city that if you didn't see that the signs were in Spanish You'd think you were in the first world and of course even in those dingy scruffy blown out third world areas They've got sections of the infrastructure there that are completely first world, too I mean everybody has got a cell phone even shoeshine boys So in most places in Latin America you have a first world electrical grid a certain small percentage of beautiful first world style roads So as it turns out nearly all the utilities that have been privatized are of first world or near first world quality Meanwhile, everything the government has been traditionally involved in has completely turned to horse Just like in the US that said and I can prove it a million different ways You've probably figured out by now

[01:37] I am in no way politically correct that I call a spade a spade even around Latins who need a little rain on their parade, which sometimes gets me into trouble Oftentimes I can tell that I kind of upset certain upscale Latins and so-called Educated Latins when I bandy about that phrase third world. They don't like it. They want to be called Developing countries. Yeah, right as if that changes the fact that when you turn on the municipal water It either doesn't come out at all or it comes out looking like baby poop Then I always ask that Latin person if that is the person still receptive and speaking to me Developing country you say huh developing into what and they usually stumble a bit and they'll say well Of course, we're on our way to developing into a country like yours like the United States

[02:25] That's the goal of every Latin country. Ask anyone down here rich or poor and then when they say that I Generally respond if they're still speaking and listening to me I say something like I kind of get the feeling you've never heard of Adam Smith and the wealth of nations Have you you know the Bible of monetary and economic theory? Have you heard of Adam Smith? Well, even if you haven't you do know that all the world's resources that have been easy to obtain in like the first Let's say 10 feet of soil that have long since been dug and mined already including all that easy to get oil Which isn't there anymore? That was the easy stuff to get and it's been used by the people in the first world to get where they are today That's how they've achieved the so-called first world status

[03:11] They've already used up all the cream of the earth's resources All that's left is the watered-down skim milk the rest of you guys in the so-called third world or as you like to say Developing countries have to realize there's not enough available cheap copper tin iron ore bauxite And you know what that's for aluminum oil natural gas or any other resource to possibly drag that other 90 or 95 percent of your Country into what you call first world status. That's just never gonna happen Now normally if I've gotten that far in a conversation and not that person kind of turning me off or just glazing over I'll point him out as a good example along with everybody else at the get-together a party I'll say something like you're an educated upscale Latin person

[03:58] Obviously enjoying everything most first world people enjoy now You must realize for example that your workers that you pay three or four hundred bucks a month Would break and destroy your competitiveness in the market in a New York minute if you had to pay first world salaries That my friend is what you call first world economics Which means no more full-time gardeners or live in cleaning ladies anymore. That's what you want then, right? Now unfortunately, I usually don't progress that far in the conversation because I've lost them already They've excused themselves and gone over to the punch bowl Which is why I'm so sick and tired of responding to Latins who say well Look at Costa Rica and Panama and Chile for example We want to follow their lead because they're running right down the path to becoming first world can't deny that now Johnny

[04:45] Can you so when they lay that at me? I say oh, yeah How many Latin people are Latin workers? Do you know who you trust running your company for a year? Let's say you took an extended vacation or sabbatical I mean, come on you longtime listeners Certainly remember maybe three years or so ago When I told the story of the very first ace hardware called samako that came to Costa Rica and how it floundered and failed for years Simply because whatever gringo brought the franchise down put it in the hands of Latin management And it ended up looking like the garage in Sanford and Sun I mean imagine walking into a big ace hardware store up in the States with dim and dirty lighting Fluorescent tubes flickering and burning out shelves overloaded with products that were mispriced

[05:35] Unpriced or in the wrong section of the store completely dirty scummy restrooms with no water or TP Oh, they had all the ace hardware products. Alright, you just didn't know where to find them 25 years ago when I first walked into that place myself I was just so happy ace hardware to ride because you know Then you can get high quality products from up in the states that you're familiar with For example, American Standard bathtubs and sinks Schlage, locks and door hardware Chicago faucets and plumbing parts Insink-rater garbage disposal stuff that just wasn't down in your corner latin hardware store 25 years ago However, if you went into that first ace hardware in Costa Rica looking for something in particular You could spend an hour looking and still not find it

[06:21] And if you asked anyone to help you workers didn't know their right hand from their sphincter They'd lead you on another wild goose chase that could last another half an hour That was back then and eventually Although that ace hardware slash samako struggled for a long time It did not fail not like the first Costco and Sears did Another couple of interesting stories. I'll tell you about sometime So then why did the most neglected ace hardware on the planet make it? Because the gringos kept piling in the Costa Rica and patronizing that store None of the locals would go in there All the stuff was imported and way too high price for them The locals continued to patronize dingier and danker little local hardware stores And pick through the local stuff which was always about 30 to 50 percent cheaper

[07:09] Of course the local hardware stores had no real selection Just the very basic stuff to wire and plumb your house The fact is back then most of the latin building contractors in Costa Rica Shopped at the local hardware stores too Why? Because they didn't know what half the stuff in that samako store was for or how to install it I mean you might remember it on a show I mentioned that only up till two or three years ago They even carried any kind of door or window weather stripping in hardware stores down here And many latin building contractors still don't know what it's for Now remember I'm just telling it like it is now I built what 13 14 houses and structures now myself And I can remember many many times teaching a local latin contractor how to use or install Very very common first world items

[07:56] For example an electric hot water heater timer You know it shuts your tank water heater off at night to save energy Well a few years back you just couldn't find those things in hardware stores down here Not in any of the local ones Though they did show up at Ace Hardware And still probably 50 to 60 percent of latin building contractors don't know what they're for And since latins are not curious by nature they're not going to ask you when they see one either So the fact is because we're first world people and we grew up around that stuff Day and night up in Chicago and Cleveland We somehow assume that when we get down here to developing countries That just because a guy wears a suit or has a nice car or he comes prepared with his iPhone He's somehow tuned in to all those first world things that are second nature to us

[08:44] Well looks are certainly deceiving especially in Latin America There is in fact a good chance The guy in the suit with a nice briefcase and iPhone sitting next to you in the dentist's waiting room Grew up in a cold water flat with a tin roof I'm not kidding You know the old saying you can dress them up but you can't take them out Now as politically incorrect as a generalization like that might sound You'll find in Latin America in a great percentage of cases it's true So just know that no matter who you hire for example Let's say you hire a cleaning lady or a maintenance guy The worst thing you could do after you've checked your references And found out they're good people is to let them loose on their own and say You're hired, get at it, start cleaning or to the maintenance guy There is a leak in the roof, go ahead and fix it

[09:31] Then put another couple of coats of paint on the retainer wall Well they'll do all those things alright But when they're finished and you inspect the job Chances are you're gonna be pissed Because let me tell you your cleaning lady will use the same damp rag To clean your toilet as she does to clean the leather furniture in your living room And she'll use the same little kitchen scrub brush to scrub and clean your pots and pans And she uses to clean inside of your rusted garbage can sitting out by the garage That is if she ever cleans your garbage can Because you see when left to their own devices, cleaning ladies and such Will clean your house with the same precise meticulous care as they clean their own house Which remember has a tin roof, no glass windows, possibly a dirt floor

[10:19] No hot water and maybe even no indoor plumbing Now don't get me wrong, Latin folks can be tremendous workers But you gotta train them and watch them every step of the way Until you're satisfied they've got it down, your way And I don't care if it's your cleaning lady, your maintenance guy, your plumber, your contractor Your middle management employee or your lawyer You have to constantly check and review what these people are doing Or they're gonna fall back into their old bad habits Now remember this is Latin America What we consider bad habits are not bad habits to them That's just the way things are done For example, I've dealt with numerous educated so called high end Latins for years Professionals, so called professionals But for some reason, and I know I've mentioned this before and it's worth repeating

[11:06] They think they can get away with not writing anything down And even me, before my Alzheimer's kicked in, actually I have Alzheimer's light I constantly had and still have a little notepad of paper with me Cause I was bound to forget something I was doing or some kind of detail on a project That's why gringos are forever getting pissed off at their Latin workers When it comes to my cleaning lady Whenever she comes over I have a dog-geared crumpled stained piece of paper With about 20 different things on a list that I expect to be done Or at least she has to be aware of to review Most Latins just really need those reminders Okay then, let's switch the subject to maintenance guys Now, don't ever think you could buy a couple gallons of paint A paint pressure too

[11:51] And tell your maintenance guy to paint the retainer wall For example, when you go on vacation he'll be back in two weeks Oh he'll paint it alright And when you come back you'll see drops of paint on the sidewalk Little mists of paint on your windows And little dabs of paint on your concrete garage floor Maybe even on the hood of your car As if you asked a 12 year old kid up in the States to do the same job And it was his first assignment And worse yet, there's a good chance that the paint job itself Will be kind of washed out and crappy looking too Because here's something that you'd never see up in the States Latins always dilute their paint with water Say what? They dilute it with water? Now of course, how are you going to know that unless somebody tells you

[12:37] And still you might not believe it Because on the paint can it says Apply direct from can Or it implies that anyway I mean come on, have you ever seen a gallon of Sherwin Williams for example That said dilute one to one before using Yeah that would be like defeating the purpose of the whole thing Because in the States anyway they always guarantee they're going to cover in one coat So how's that going to happen if you dilute them? Well it all goes back to the Latin mentality And the fact that most of these people make three or four hundred bucks a month That means when they paint their own houses They buy the absolute cheapest brand of paint And that's not going to be Sherwin Williams It's going to be some local brand you've never heard of And guess what? It says on that can Dilute one to one I'm not kidding you, I've seen a number of products down here

[13:23] So in fact it's all about the cost And in order to stretch a gallon of paint to two You add water right? Which also means you should never send out your maintenance guy or gardener To the hardware store and say Buy some paint from my house, use this color Because they'll buy the cheapest, crappiest paint You've got to tell them exactly what kind of paint brand you want Which is why Latins don't change their oil in motorcycles and cars No one told them it was absolutely necessary And over the years they've noticed that cars and motorcycles still run Whether you change the oil or not And that particular mentality is why When you visit even a wealthy person's house A person who has maybe two cleaning ladies When you look at the light switch plates And the sinks and the bathtub fixtures

[14:09] As well as the windowsills and such There's almost always a grimy cake layer of fingerprints And gunk around light switch plates and sink fixtures And note, you're going to have to teach Who's ever painting how to use masking tape? They've got it down here alright But locals don't use it in their houses Because it's expensive for them And believe me, Latins cannot paint a straight line So look out if you haven't trained them how to use masking tape And that goes for drop cloths and caulk guns too You never want to let a Latin guy loose with a caulk gun Without giving him a precise demonstration of how you want it Believe me, I've seen jobs down here Where there's more caulk on the window than there is window Let's see, where were we? Oh yeah, we're at that rich guy's house

[14:54] Who's got two cleaning ladies So you have to ask why if they've got two cleaning ladies Aren't they cleaning the basic stuff like that? That's because even wealthy so-called educated Latins Are clueless about our particular standards Our first world standard Because you know, the status symbol down here is to have a maid or two It's not about how well they can clean your house And as far as bodyguards That's a whole other disgusting subject Because in fact bodyguards down here come from the lowest segment of society too Did I say suxiety? Talk about Freudian slips, huh? Yes, I guess suxiety is exactly the right word for bodyguards and their bosses Anyway, after a day or a shift of guarding their rich Latin boss They take a bus home to their lower middle class neighborhood To their house with a tin roof and possibly no glass in the windows

[15:43] No bathtub, no hot water That's why when I'm in an elevator standing next to a bodyguard or two You can see the dirty fingernails The waxy build up in the ears And almost always, especially later in the day, a bit of BO Mixed with chronic halitosis since men don't floss down here Not the middle and lower middle classes anyway So remember this No matter how rich and first world-like a Latin family might appear to you If they have bodyguards and they almost always will These guys are sitting on their couches Their furniture In their cars Using their restrooms, eating at their dinner tables And I assure you When they use the boss's restroom or any restroom They do not wash their hands So just know that When you meet Latins down here

[16:28] You think of all the trappings of the first world Unless they're so wealthy they've actually lived Or gone to school up in the States Their standards are not like yours and mine So I repeat When you hire a Latin person I don't care if it's a cleaning lady, maintenance guy Or middle manager for your IT firm You must spell out, preferably in writing Everything you expect of that person on the job But that's not enough You have to frequently and periodically Go over everything they've done And make sure it meets your standards Now, that said Over the years I've known a lot of gringo expats Who've hired maids and gardeners, etc And when they lived back in Cleveland or Oklahoma It was a financial impossibility Coming down here, hiring someone like that

[17:14] Is a brand new thing for them In fact a tremendous luxury to have a full-time gardener maid Or maintenance man Or even a living maid And unfortunately Since it can be such a guilty pleasure To be able to have someone cleaning up after you all the time I find that many expat gringos and gringas Just don't set hard and fast guidelines for their workers Because they have that sneaky feeling of shame or guilt Since they're only paying 12 or 15 bucks a day Therefore they should just leave them be and let them do their own thing I've actually had that conversation recently with a gringo Who has her own full-time cleaning lady now For the very first time, of course Something she always dreamed of up in the States But could never afford In fact, she told me that for a while

[18:00] She was a temporary cleaning lady up in the States Some years back while she was in college Now, get this She reluctantly told me that after a couple of weeks on the job Her new cleaning lady wasn't quite up to snuff But she didn't want to say anything Turns out her new cleaning lady is a very nice Very overweight lady of 60 or so The overweight business By the way, a very common thing down here amongst cleaning ladies So then imagine a woman about 4 foot 10 and about 50 pounds overweight Now, my gringo friend tells me she does a good job Except she's too afraid or too rotund To climb the little step ladder What she can't reach with a duster Just doesn't get done in some rooms Turns out our nice young gringo lady Grabs a mop of rag, a bottle of Windex and a dustcloth

[18:47] And when the cleaning lady goes home She finishes what she couldn't reach I mean, come on, there's something wrong with that picture, right? Now, I know that no Latin family would ever let that cleaning lady get away with that Which really does go to show that a lot of us first world people are soft touches Now, like I said, Latin families would never let the cleaning lady get away with that However, they never give their cleaning ladies a crash course on details either Like I said, no matter how wealthy or connected a Latin family is They just weren't brought up in a first world atmosphere And have no idea what we really expect Now, I can tell you that pretty much every single Latin family I know has a cleaning lady And no matter how many times I've visited their houses There are details unattended to that first world people would never tolerate In a cleaning lady up in the States

[19:32] Now, in regards to Latin professionals, architects, doctors, lawyers, etc The fact is, Latin doctors are generally just as conscientious as any first world doctor Because many of them have studied their specialties up in the States Not to mention they all learn English They have to these days They have to take that TOEFL test, by the way That's required in all Latin medical schools now So they have to be 100% English fluent Why, you might ask when most of these guys are off the gringo tourist trail And never have to speak English Well, that's because almost all the good and current research in medicine Is on the web now in English, not Spanish Now, as for architects and lawyers and such That's a completely different story They do not go up to the US to study their specialties They study and graduate at Latin American schools exclusively

[20:20] Where the first world way of doing things is just not apparent So that said, when people say to me, Johnny, my lawyer, my accountant I send them a text message and they don't get back to me Or they get back to me two or three days later, if that Or my architect said he was going to come to the job site today And he never showed up Never called either Then the day after, he shows up to work Pleasant and happy as usual And doesn't even mention Or apologize for missing the appointment the day before And I hear things like this Johnny, you know last Monday My lawyer was supposed to take me down to the driver's testing station To get my license And I showed up at his office at 9 as scheduled He didn't get there till 9.45 And then when he did He told me, oh, sorry We changed the date till next Monday Now, Johnny, you know, if that happened up in the first world

[21:09] I'd blow my top and probably fire the jerk But you know, since my Spanish sucks And I'm down here in Latin America I just have to roll with it, I guess, and bite my tongue And you know what my broken record answer to that one always is? You have to be the appointment book You gotta call these guys a day or two ahead Leave text messages and all that Call their secretaries Because, like I said, things are casual down here People don't write things down That's why they call it the friggin' third world And why it's never gonna be first world Even if suddenly there were enough cheap resources It's just not gonna happen So you can bite your tongue Or be kind and nice to these guys and gals Who screw up appointments and wreck your schedule Or you can get pissed like some gringos do

[21:55] And blow up on the spot Which, by the way, almost never happens When there's purely Latins involved So when you do that, they think you're nuts and unreasonable Though, don't never say that to your face But I know what they're thinking I've been at enough meetings with gringos And their Latin architects and lawyers and such I've watched as gringo nerves unravel Only to hear that ubiquitous Latin response Don't worry, no problem We'll get it done And you know what? They always do get it done But never fast enough for us first world gringos So just know, in a Latin society, when faced with that kind of mindset There's just no way third world developing countries Are ever gonna become first world Just not gonna happen Though there is this grand delusion amongst all so-called educated and wealthy Latins

[22:45] The path to becoming first world is right around the corner And of course, they also believe there's no real estate bubble in Latin America The US dollar is backed by gold The American dream is alive and well Miami and Disneyland are the meccas of the first world Soap opera is high art Sugar fortified with vitamin A is good for you And America's got talent, for example, the Kardashians So now you've heard part of the rant I give arrogant and misinformed Latins at parties Who tell me they're countries on the way to becoming first world And as for Latins saying that Costa Rica, Panama, and Chile are first world My answer? Kick the gringos and the Europeans out And see how fast tourism, the number one industry, turns into pineapple picking

[23:31] Bottom line, if you're the wound up, argumentative type And don't want to be sucked into a conversation like that Or, in regards to employees, you were the perfectionist type up north And cracked the whip with your own workers or people under you You're gonna have to eventually kind of shift your gears into low Things just aren't gonna happen as fast as you're used to seeing them happen up in the first world You're gonna have to spell out every little thing for your workers, at first anyway And you're gonna have to keep on top of your Latin professionals Because they do have a habit of dropping the ball But eventually all your workers and such will get it Though at first you'll need a lot of patience And by the way, I find the most trouble you'll have is with people who are educated

[24:16] And think they're in an upper class Talk about stuck in their ways if not delusional Delusional in the sense that they think they're first world Just because they dress nicely, have the latest gadgets, and drive a decent car Which so impresses gringos now, doesn't it? Oh, and about impressing gringos, get ready for this With a lot of these pretentious gringo guys, and it almost never seems to be the women I guess it's that macho thing rearing its ugly head again When you are in their house or their car Suddenly the stereo is blaring gringo music For your benefit, of course What they think is gringo classic rock is classic gringo schmaltz Michael Bolton, Kenny G, Chicago, Jurnee Bon Jovi The Bee Gees, Boston, Kenny Rogers, Lionel Richie, America

[25:05] And the group that should be mentioned on every poison bottle to induce vomiting Air supply See, almost lost it there just talking about him Which really should say it all now No offense to ladies out there who have used those songs as a soundtrack to your wedding But come on, beginning your married life with an air supply song? Ask any groom, that's the kiss of death But who are we to argue we're not allowed to pick the songs, right? But I digress as usual, boy, did I digress, huh? Okay, now for a couple of announcements Don't forget my July 2015 Expat Wisdom seminar coming up in two months As Richard Martin and so many people in the know say You gotta have that plan B

[25:50] You gotta get out of the US before the next implosion And it's coming soon And the best way to do that, get your boots on the ground And meet some people, some professionals, some expats who are living that life So come on down and join me and my Expat Wisdom team Just go to expatwisdom.com Click on the latin seminar link for full details And remember, you folks up there on the fence Especially you ladies that don't want to come down alone You're afraid or hesitant Remember, you won't be roughing it We'll be holding your hand all the way And even though we'll be doing it way off the gringo tourist trail You'll be well taken care of And everyone speaks English That said, a lot of you listeners out there have been asking about the Expat Wisdom Gold membership You can become an exclusive Expat Wisdom Gold member

[26:36] By going to members.expatwisdom.com And you'll see there all the benefits of becoming a Gold member Including twice a month priority one hour long or more webinars with me That's the time we can talk about things we normally don't or can't talk about on the radio As well as your own personal situations and your progress in becoming an Expat Anyway, there's way too much to go into here Just go to members.expatwisdom.com And you'll see all the advantages to becoming an Expat Wisdom Gold member And by the way, as of now, everyone's invited to sign up for my twice a month live webinars Join in on the Q&A and hear the discussions too But shortly within the next month, the webinars will only be available for the Gold members We'll keep that part real exclusive

[27:22] So for now, you can go to members.expatwisdom.com and sign up for the remaining webinars until they become exclusive Anyway, check it out, I think you'll like it You've been listening to The Expat Files Living in Latin America, coming to you twice a week from somewhere south of the border Email me, theexpatfiles at gmail.com And don't forget to check out expatwisdom.com to sign up for your free reports on Latin America See you next time, nos vemos!