Episode Summary
In this episode of The Expat Files, Johnny Mueller explores the multifaceted experiences of expat life in Latin America. He begins by introducing the show, which focuses on the good, bad, ugly, and great aspects of living, working, playing, and retiring in the region. Johnny discusses a book titled 'Fast Spanish' by Brett, which offers a practical approach to learning Spanish for expats, and highlights the availability of a free e-book for a limited time.
He then delves into the cultural fascination Latin Americans have with Miami and Disneyland, calling it a 'Mecca' for them. Johnny notes that this obsession is perpetuated through media and everyday conversations, and he shares an anecdote about a soap opera filmed in Miami to emphasize the extent of this cultural fascination.
Moving on, Johnny discusses the influence of foreign-born, non-English-speaking Latin populations in Miami, suggesting they have infiltrated the government and secured taxpayer-funded grants for Spanish-language soap operas. He questions the use of tax dollars for such programs, implying they are superfluous and not high-minded artistic uses. He also criticizes the lack of similar funding for black or American Indian soap operas, despite their long-standing citizenship and English-speaking status. Johnny argues that these programs may be a form of job creation, but he questions the allocation of public funds for such content. He concludes by expressing frustration with the situation, stating he is glad to be in Latin America and warns expats to consider leaving the U.S. due to perceived cultural and political changes. He then shifts to discussing the process of obtaining residency in Latin America, highlighting the challenges and the lack of enforcement in immigration procedures.
In another segment, Johnny describes the chaotic and disorganized nature of government offices in Latin America, emphasizing the need for legal assistance and the prevalence of corruption. He highlights the absurdity of bureaucratic procedures, such as the requirement to use the same passport signature for official documents, which he interprets as a sign of systemic dishonesty. He also discusses the cultural context of dishonesty, noting that it is often not intentional but rather a result of a culture that values politeness and avoiding disappointment. Johnny comments on the difficulty of adapting to such a system for expats and the importance of relying on legal representation.
In a later segment, Johnny critiques the so-called 'organic lifestyle' and the role of non-governmental organizations (NGOs) in Latin America. He highlights the irony of expensive, imported organic products being sold in upscale stores where English is used despite the local population not speaking it. He also criticizes the corruption and inefficiency of NGOs, arguing that many are more interested in luxury lifestyles than genuine impact.
Finally, Johnny critiques the effectiveness and integrity of NGOs operating in third and fourth world countries. He argues that these NGOs often operate in corrupt environments and can misuse donated funds due to lack of transparency. He highlights that NGOs are frequently partnered with entities that appear clean but lack accountability. Additionally, he points out that third-world politicians often create their own NGOs to access foreign funding, which can undermine local businesses and create dependency. Johnny also mentions that the U.S. government sets up NGOs in third-world countries, not just for aid but also for espionage. He concludes by promoting his expat wisdom seminar as a resource for expats.
Topics
Expat Life in Latin America, Learning Spanish, Cultural Fascination with Miami, Media Influence on Cultural Perceptions, Influence of foreign-born Latin populations in Miami, Use of taxpayer funds for Spanish-language soap operas, Comparison to funding for black or American Indian soap operas, Job creation through public funding, Cultural and political changes in the U.S., Residency process in Latin America, Bureaucracy in Latin America, Corruption and dishonesty in government
Chapters
00:00:00 Opening 00:00:14 Introduction to the Show and Host 00:00:32 Discussion of the Book 'Fast Spanish' 00:01:58 Cultural Fascination with Miami and Disneyland 00:06:19 Introduction to the Issue of Foreign Influence in Miami 00:06:38 Criticism of Superfluous Soap Operas and Tax Dollars 00:07:25 Discussion on Funding for Latin American Soap Operas 00:08:14 Comparison to Funding for Black or American Indian Soap Operas 00:09:15 Johnny's Frustration and Decision to Stay in Latin America 00:10:31 Discussion on the Residency Process in Latin America 00:12:23 The chaotic nature of government offices in Latin America 00:12:46 The role of legal assistance in navigating bureaucracy 00:13:06 The importance of legal representation for expats 00:18:25 The Cost of Organic Lifestyle 00:19:09 The Illusion of Organic Living 00:22:46 The Corruption of NGOs 00:24:23 NGO Operations in Poor Nations 00:25:21 NGOs Are Not What They Seem 00:26:16 NGOs Have Achieved Little
Transcript
Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.
[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Remember a couple of weeks ago. I was talking about one of my seminar attendees who wrote a new book. It's called fast Spanish Now here's a guy who did all those months and months of boots on the groundwork Trying to find out the best way for clueless gringos like us to learn our Spanish because you know
[00:49] There are thousands of websites out there with different kinds of courses and CDs and one-on-one and books And tutors courses immersion families yada-yada. So who's to know what really works the best? What's the least expensive and how long does it really take and what would be your best plan of action? Well Brett knows so as promised Brett the author has offered for one week only to give away a free copy of that e-book And here's how you can get it. Just send an email to fast Spanish book at expat wisdom calm. That's S-P-A-N-I-S-H-B-O-O-K at expat wisdom calm and put in the subject line free Spanish book then the author will get a copy of that book right over to you again
[01:35] Just send an email to fast spanish book at expat wisdom calm and put free Spanish book in the subject line And your copy will get to you and note I read the book myself and I highly recommend it so go ahead and get your free copy But remember the free offer is just for about a week So you have to act now or else you'll pay a whopping $2.95 or $3.95 whatever is to buy the e-book later that said I just like to talk a second about the totally irrational fantasy that all Latin Americans have for Disneyland and Miami or as latins like to say my jammy with a J now I know I mentioned this a couple times before but it never ceases to amaze me how latins are Absolutely in love with the thought of going to Miami or Disneyland to them
[02:21] It's like Mecca if they don't get there at least once in their lives They feel that when they die they won't go to heaven either and I'm talking about all latins from the lowest shoeshine boy Tanaka scumbag politicians and the richest coffee plantation owners It's Disneyland and my jammy that are the pot of gold and even if they never get there the idea that it is the Mecca Of latin americans it's a kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy. In fact, it's forever being pounded into their heads Why since everywhere you turn you see the logo Miami practically everywhere t-shirts sweatshirts hats bling Tattoos you name it the word my jammy appears like a sickening BG's or air supply song you just can't get out of your head and believe me when a latin american
[03:07] Returns from that trip to Mecca. They sure make it a point to let everybody know about it They just have to slip it in the conversation somehow. Oh Johnny. I'm so exhausted I just got back from my jammy and wouldn't you know it you ask someone how the family is and suddenly they go into this Thing about great aunt Julia Somebody you don't even know who just got an important email from her step-brother-in-law in my jammy Like you give us and of course they're saying that because they're trying to impress you and it does have that effect on other latins Who always seem to be a bit jealous? But as you know to us gringos It's just a stop we're forced to take to catch our connecting flight to a real vacation destination
[03:52] Like Aruba Roatan Cancun or point south if we could we'd avoid it at all costs you get the point so when down here in Latin America if hearing that word Miami repeated over and over ad nauseam if That doesn't make you eventually want to scream. What the hell's wrong with you people? Especially when you hear latins talk about Miami as if it was a combination of Paris Rome and the French Riviera Well, eventually if you're paying attention and even if you're not you can certainly see how Miami got that sterling Reputation with the land it just proves the fact that with good marketing and a lot of repetition You could sell the Pope a box of condoms now to prove how Latins get their daily Bombardment of the Miami is Mecca stuff listen to this
[04:39] I rarely watch commercial TV, but just occasionally when I'm sitting at someone's house Or I'm in a bank or a lounge in an auto repair shop They'll have that big screen TV on of course, so you're often stuck there for a little while anyway gazing at it Last week. I was at the car repair shop and on the big screen TV was a very popular soap opera now If you remember in a past show I mentioned that just recently a lot of the very famous soap operas in Latin America are now being filmed in the States Chicago, LA and Of course my jammy. Yeah, I know the way latin said it makes me crack up to my jammy like my pajamas My jammy, I'm not kidding. Hey Carlos. Where would you like to go on vacation this year? Oh?
[05:26] Don Johnny por su pues doe Disney II my jammy Vamos and you know for the uninitiated gringo who knows absolutely no Spanish including any young gringo kids aged 3 to 12 When they hear that they might just be wondering why a guy would be saying anything at all about his jammies So anyway my jammy get used to it You're gonna hear it a lot, but where was I oh yeah I was watching that big TV because I was stuck right in front of it at the tire repair shop now Here's the part that's unbelievable Like I said there was a very popular soap opera on and at the very end when they were running the credits There was a statement in Spanish of course that said this telly novella Which is soap opera was filmed entirely with the cooperation of the city of Miami and a grant
[06:13] From the Miami film board now all I could think of after seeing that was There's just got to be so many foreign-born Non-English-speaking latins in Miami that they've co-opted and infiltrated the government there to such a degree That they could actually get grants that is taxpayer money to subsidize and who knows maybe completely fund totally unrealistic Braden deadening superfluous soap operas not even intended for US consumption now I ask you is that a high-minded artistic use for your tax dollar are you alright with that? Did you even know about it? I'm sure you didn't now of course all this answers a lot of questions that I've had lately That is why in the last maybe year year and a half have the production values on those Latin American soap operas
[07:04] Suddenly jump from being terribly amateur ish to slick first world and professional now I'm just talking about the production value is the lighting the camera work Continuity the scenery the directing and the general flow Not the acting or the theme of the soap operas themselves The actual writing and acting is still on par with a bad high school play Anyway, at least I have answers to some of my questions now those infantile Spanish language soap operas are getting funding from first world Taxpayer sources and they're filming in the states and you know I'm being completely politically incorrect here But I'm thinking what in the hell has happened to your country not mine anymore I'm sorry when a foreign-born Spanish-speaking population can take enough control of your city
[07:50] To push through funding in order to finance Ridiculous things like Spanish-speaking soap operas that are playing in foreign countries. I just don't get it So let me ask you again. Is that the highest use for your tax dollar? Wow time to leave man I'm telling you and now to be completely politically incorrect. I'm thinking about the poor blacks that live in the states What are they like 13 to 15 percent of the US population? Where's their public funding for black soap operas? I mean, they're more entitled to it by far check the facts They've been citizens English-speaking citizens for hundreds of years Shouldn't they have more say than Spanish-speaking immigrants illegal or not because you know in the end It's about jobs when you or Miami or Dade County taxpayers are paying for something like that
[08:41] No matter how stupid or superfluous. It might be it's kind of a jobs program, right? I mean creating a TV show or soap opera Whatever is a big production and you have to hire a lot of people and in this case since these soap operas are Completely in Spanish. How many blacks or Caucasians you think they're hiring? So i'm asking then where's the public funding for black soap operas or American Indian soap operas? Where's the non-hispanic public outcry at all more to the point? How does this stuff even happen man? I just don't get it But I do get the fact that you've lost your country and i'm just so glad i'm down here in latin america And you know what as a little message to all you latin americans, you can have my jammy
[09:27] You can have chicago new york l.a. You can have it all Yep, even cleveland So then all you expat gonna bees and wannabes on the fence up there in places like cleveland Are you mad yet? Did you get mad when you recently heard that obama's gonna give five million illegal aliens amnesty this year? Did you get mad when you recently heard that there's a contract out right now for 35 million Special us residency id cards to be distributed to illegal aliens in the next five years? Or maybe you didn't hear about those recent developments. Go ahead look it up Well, don't get mad. Don't even get even Just vote with your feet. It's the only way
[10:14] Do it now or make plans to do it soon because very soon you won't be able to That's why i'm considering having some t-shirts printed up. That's a Hate to say I told you so Okay, if you're still with me after that rant, let me mention something about residency down here in latin america now I just spoke the other day with one of my previous seminar attendees and he's in the process of getting his permanent residency in He called me and said something happened that seemed to defy logic and I said well hell this is the third world So i'm not shocked at anything anymore, but try me So here's how it went down for him when he was in the guatemalan immigration office Signing the paperwork to proceed with his permanent residency And I should say this guy speaks about 20 words of spanish
[11:01] So he did the right thing and went down to the immigration office with his lawyer's assistant who spoke passable english That's really the only way to do it. It's mostly mission impossible if you ever try to do this yourself Anyway, he went down to the immigration office at about 11 30 in the morning And as usual there are about a hundred people mulling around outside and people in the hallways and sitting in corners leaning on walls There were whining kids and nuns even priests standing around waiting for their turn He said get this when you first walk in the door you go through a metal detector You walk through and the alarm goes off for nearly everyone And of course as gringos we stop and wait for some official to walk over and pat us down or tell us to raise our arms Whatever, but not so in this immigration office
[11:48] Instead he said sitting at a desk across from the metal detector was a fat lazy female government slug Who just seemed like she didn't want to get out of her chair? So she just gave him a slightly bored nod and waved him on through He said he watched about 20 people walk through and she did the exact same thing Exactly nothing. She never got up never frisked anybody and the machine went off for everyone who walked through Talk about the lack of big brother. Yeah, they got the metal detector out right and it's even working, but no one gives a damn You just have to love it down here and you got to see it to believe it anyway His lawyer's assistant took him through the metal detector and they went up the stairs and right when he walked in there were about
[12:34] 50 people mulling around and on the main counter one of those machines where you take a number So he walked over to get his number and his lawyer's assistant said no don't do that. It won't be necessary She said one of our office That's a little guy on a motorcycle came down at 8 30 in the morning and got your number for you That's why you're here with me at 11 30 not 8 30 Now your number's up which meant that your normal middle class latin clients who couldn't pay a guy to stand in line for him For three hours had to basically camp out all morning. Just note. It's a very chaotic disorganized confusing place And you don't want to use the bathroom No, tp. No water No pleasant smells and note there is kind of a procedure and there's many different windows and kiosks
[13:24] You have to stop at getting various stamps and approvals and photos etc And believe me if you don't know spanish you're lost even if you do you're lost Gringo's and expats really need to have their hands held when they go through there Again, your lawyer or your lawyer's assistant will do all that for you Anyway, the gringo that went through this process told me that when he got to the final window He had to review all the documents and see they were okay and sign off on two pieces of paper When his lawyer's assistant showed him the two places to sign She said don't forget to use the exact same signature you used on your passport and he looked at her and said well What other signature would I use? Then she pointed out that it said right in spanish Please sign here with the same signature that you use on your passport
[14:13] As if you just might have a lot of other different kind of signatures up your sleeve Now that little statement might get by 99.9 percent of people I mean you sign the way you sign, right? But to me just the fact they had to spell it out to tell you to use the same signature as you use on your passport Kind of tells me latin americans. Anyway, it just might have a different signature for different occasions And hint hint the bureaucrats in government know that which is why they bothered to have it printed out under each signature line Now imagine if you're in a us government office welfare office social security office immigration office And there was a little statement like that printed on your form. Would that raise some red flags with you something to think about, huh?
[14:59] Now my take on it is this in latin government and bureaucracies down here. There's just so much corruption There's a certain amount of what you might call reasonable dishonesty going on in most all cases when you're dealing with the government I mean, let's face it down here. The three national pastimes are sports tax evasion and womanizing And you know, I mentioned before that 95 percent of people on the road driving Never took a driving class in their life a good percentage of them bought their driver's licenses While another 10 to 20 percent drive with expired licenses or no licenses at all And remember too I mentioned in the past show that in the big cities, especially in the poorer areas More than 50 percent of the people steal cable tv Fully 15 to 20 percent of people have illegal electric power hookups, too
[15:49] Fact is getting over on the government is a national pastime here and you gotta love it So when you finally do get down here if you're one of those straight arrow gringos who obeys every law Never blows past the yellow light And you only cross the street when the little green man on the sign is flashing You just might have a hard time coping with the dishonesty factor down here and note many times latins aren't Trying to be dishonest. It's just that they're very happy friendly people and don't want to disappoint So for example, if you happen to pull up to someone on the street or a guy in a gas station and say hey Can you please tell me how to get to the license bureau or the walmart or the taco bell or the nearest immigration office? Well, you see when you ask a question like that, especially when you're off the tourist trail
[16:35] You just might be the first gringo that person has spoken to in his or her life And they don't want to disappoint so they will give you directions whether they know them to be correct or not They just want you to drive away with a smile on your face knowing you were helped politely in a nice way And if anything latins are a hundred percent more polite than first world gringos hate to tell you We could sure learn something from them on that score Anyway, is it dishonest when a little old lady selling tortillas gives you bad directions to seers? Well, you be the judge. Thank buddha for gps, huh? Though that's a double-edged sword, too Okay, that said for all you guys and girls out there who send me emails asking if when you're off the gringo tourist trail Can you find natural food outlets and stores that might carry certain odd imported items that you're used to getting up north?
[17:27] Well, yes in a past show I mentioned that there are some what you might call whole foods clones Which seem to pop up in every upscale mall and neighborhood because remember when you're off the gringo tourist trail They still have a lot of upscale and wealthy people those better educated gringo wannabes Who glom on to all the us fads including health food fads, you know people who've been to my yummy Probably more than once now when I say that they're whole foods clones. I'm not endorsing whole foods I think they too have an unstated policy of reasonable dishonesty if you know what I mean Anyway, just know that whole foods clones are popping up everywhere both on and off the gringo tourist trail Now personally, I don't frequent any of these whole foods clone stores down here instead every week or two
[18:15] I go to one of those gigantic big outdoor markets I buy all my stuff fresh from the small producers and you know The funny thing is I can go to one of these whole foods clones Buy some of the exact same stuff though nicely marked and packaged for five times as much or more Now just recently I was in an upscale mall and I walked into one of these whole foods clones And they had a lunch counter with get this prepackaged imported organic sandwiches in individual cardboard boxes And of course those boxes have happy printing on them in english Which really blows my mind because way off the tourist trail as I am No one speaks english and none of the help in that store spoke english either Yet throughout this little whole food store clone almost everything's in english because well most of it's imported
[19:03] Now after reading the english on that little sandwich box I just had to steal it. I have it in front of me right now as I do this show And i'm thinking to myself a lot of this so-called fashionable and trendy organic lifestyle is really just a bunch of bs Again, you might call it reasonable dishonesty For example this box in front of me contained a chicken sandwich and here's what it says on the recyclable guaranteed biodegradable box it says get this This chicken fillet sandwich gets the good chicken award Then there's a picture of a smiling chicken with a halo, huh? And then it says and remember this is a very nicely designed high value little box It says with pride the chicken fillet used on this bread has been produced with respect for animal welfare
[19:52] Huh say what the chicken in this sandwich has been produced with respect for animal welfare You mean you let them eat run around get fat and when they're what two or is it three months old? Yeah, whack their head off pluck their feathers and eat them. That's animal welfare, huh? I understand if you don't decapitate a chicken it can live for four or five years But come on whoever heard of a chicken dying of old age That'd be a first, huh? And here's what else it says on the box is if a single latin person ever read this. I mean, it's in english It says our chicken is award-winning the international farm animal welfare organization quote compassion in world farming Presented us with a good chicken award because we only use higher welfare chickens, huh?
[20:39] All of our hands have the space and environmental enrichment. They need to express their natural behaviors Like perching pecking and dust bathing all things that chickens love to do What the fuck I am not kidding you it actually says this I have it in my hand right now But that's not all then it says get this our chicken fillets have a unique story. Yeah, right Can't believe this it says we care for our chickens. We care for our environment. We care for our chickens health Our farms meet the natural requirements of chickens the chickens have access to night quarters dry quarters Day quarters and a wooded area, which is why we were awarded three better life stars
[21:31] by the dutch society for the protection of animals Come on Now after reading all that in the store and laughing my ass off I asked the guy behind the counter if he'd ever read it and he said no hablo ingles Just like I told you Nobody gives a shit Okay time to get off that one and now a more sobering email johnny I understand they have hundreds if not thousands of ngo's in latin america And when up here in the states i'm not in cleveland We read articles about latin america the third world and the fourth world, which I guess would be africa It always seems like somebody's ngo or a number of ngo's pops up in the discussion So what's your take on these ngo organizations?
[22:16] I'm sure you got something to say about it. Keep up the excellent work And i'll see you at a seminar soon if they still let us milk cows out of the country. Thanks, sarah Okay, let's talk about these ngo's and ngo stands for of course non-governmental organization or down here. They're called ong's Because you know in spanish the nouns and the verbs are almost always flipped around so ong would be organization Non-governmental Same thing. Well in a word. I gotta say that about 90 percent of ngo's are pretty much useless and corrupt And how do I know that? Well, i've never met a single person working for an ngo and i've met a lot of them Who wasn't nicely pressed and loaded down with the latest gadgets who didn't fly business or first class and who didn't drive an suv
[23:07] Or a late model toyota pickup or eat at all the expensive high-end restaurants in town And if you think otherwise will somebody please explain to me Why if I walked into any elegant four-star hotel down here in latin america? Especially off the tourist trail if you're in the lobby You're at the piano bar and you pick up on an english conversation Chances are you're listening to a group of ngo board members or executives living a first class life On someone else's dime now you have to remember that most of these ngo's non-governmental organizations They begin in the same way with good and noble intentions Here's how it works some first world person with pulled dough and connections Visits the developing world for the first time and when thoroughly shocked by the conditions he or she sees
[23:57] Decides to go back to the first world talk it up amongst his friends and do something about it Now that may have worked well in the 1940s and 50s But now most of these ngo's have become huge influential agencies with huge staffs and massive overhead They're multi-million dollar organizations that have no flexibility Innovation or accountability and who makes out well the executives and the board of directors, of course Always flying around the world visiting poor nations Inspecting sites and going on fact-finding tours though traveling in luxury themselves And you know since almost all ngo's set up in countries where the governments are very corrupt These ngo's can squander your donated dough like water because in comparison with the corrupt governments
[24:45] They're partnering up with they look squeaky clean And since they're located in third and fourth world countries The accounting and auditing books that you might see if you request them have zero transparency and are basically marketing documents The fact is they could give you any kind of statistics. They want about their organization since outside firms rarely audit them Now because these ngo's are supposed to help third and fourth world countries and their non-profit organizations Most anyone who knows really nothing about ngo's thinks they're good and righteous and only there to help the poor Man, are they wrong? They should come down here and see the offices of these ngo's the high-end restaurants These guys eat their lunch at and the rows of suvs in a parking lot
[25:32] That is if you could get past the cameras and the heavy security Now don't think third world politicians aren't hip to this They'll often start their own ngo's and apply for some of the billions of dollars in first world funding and grants In fact over the years it's been proven that ngo's not only prop up dictatorships undercut local businesses and create a culture of dependency The fact is third and fourth world politicians know very well There's always some naive do-gooder first world organization or first world government that will foot the bill ngo's and their aid industrial complexes are totally dysfunctional and in the last 60 years that they've been around have accomplished Almost nothing. They've created no positive sustainable change anywhere
[26:21] Though they've all got great marketing departments and you'll see great photo ops Of for example indigenous families out in the boonies with little solar hot water heaters on their roofs. My advice Never never donate to them. Oh and by the way even worse Did you know that the u.s government sets up ngo's in various third world countries, too? Ostensibly, of course to help the locals, but effectively it's more about being in another country to meddle and spy Just look up one of the most famous corrupt ngo's Us aid that's us aid check it out. You'll find it's pretty much just a cia front Okay, we're heading into the final moments here. So let me remind you of my july 2015 expat wisdom seminar
[27:07] That'll take place in central america Get your boots on the ground and meet some expats who've done exactly what you plan on doing Meet expats and the experts that'll surely be your contacts in the future Just go to expatwisdom.com click on the latin seminar link then come and see for yourself what it's all about Or you can do it on the cheap and suck up some latin culture by going to you guessed it my jammy You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america coming to you twice a week from somewhere south of the border Email me the expat files at gmail.com And don't forget to check out expatwisdom.com to sign up for your free reports on latin america
[27:53] See you next time. Nos vemos