#468 – The Expat Files: Gringo Advantage, Gun Culture, and Vaccine Confusion

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border, down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wander Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Let's talk a bit about that gringo advantage that I'm always harping on How about this for a good example now as much as I hate politics and scumbag thieving politicians? And practically everyone that works for a government anywhere

[00:46] I mean even if they are decent people who hold those jobs that kind of work to me just is not a valid life's work It's not decent work like working in a landmine factory or nuclear warhead factory is not decent work All right, so you always knew how I felt about that Anyway, it's the truth that a lot of good people go into politics only to enter that toilet and get the it smeared on Them too. In other words, they join the scumbags and the other ones that stay pure or try to stay pure Well, they just don't get anywhere because they're just marginalized forever kept out of the real power loop Anyway down here in Latin America. There are all kinds of elections going down This is election season and since everyone down here Latin America knows that politicians are on the take and their crooks and they buy votes

[01:32] And favors from the ignorant public when they advertise on TV and on billboards and give out hand bills They have to kind of be a little bit creative or no one pays attention at all But as you know creativity is not a Latin's best suit For example, I just noticed there's this guy named Jimmy Morales That's running for mayor of a big town in Guatemala. And you know how he separates himself from the candidates on the billboards Well, it says vote for me. Jimmy Morales says mayor. I'm not a crook. I'm not a thief and I'm not dishonest Basically, he wants you to take his word for it that he's not a thieving scumbag like every other politician Meanwhile, everyone knows he is now The reason why I bring this up is because if you're in the States For example, and there's a big billboard sign that says hi. I'm so-and-so. I'm running for mayor. I'm not corrupt

[02:20] I'm not a thief. I'm not a scumbag like the other 99 out of 100 politicians out there now That would grab your attention wouldn't it? I have to admit it is a big departure from the same old same old stupid Moronic stagnant in fact moldy uncreative crap, you know the usual more jobs more education More handouts less taxes the crap 99 out of a hundred politicians trying to get reelected put on their billboards Which everyone with a half a brain knows just can't be done How could you give away crap and then lower taxes? And of course when scumbag candidates say they're for more jobs, they're for more government jobs, of course Which are not real jobs, you know that because government can't create real jobs

[03:06] They have to steal from the actual working man's paycheck via more taxes and or bigger deficits to fund a bigger army of Government paper pushing slugs, but you knew that already anyway to get off that rant and on to the point when you're an expat down here In Latin America long enough you meet a lot of local Latin people poor people regular people professional people, etc And of course, you're gonna meet people Acquaintances maybe even friends of yours who will run for public office now me naturally I try to stay a million miles away from that stuff Since when you get close enough, it always stinks worse than the restroom in a Mexican airport But that said I do have Latin friends and acquaintances to who put political posters and signs on their front porches and stickers on

[03:52] Their cars for the two-faced scumbag candidate of their choice and occasionally they try to get you to do the same So how do you beg off on that? Well, that's up to you But what always works for me and it always worked well when I was in the States to I tell whoever wants to put that Sign on my front lawn for his candidate that if the candidate himself comes over introduces himself and buys me dinner I'll be glad to put his ugly mug on my front lawn It's never happened yet up till now, but here's the point I wanted to make about the gringo advantage and again I'm giving you an example. That's off the gringo tourist trail now where few gringos tread anyway over the years I've been personally approached by Latin acquaintances and friends of mine who've asked me point-blank to come to one of these political rallies for the dickhead or

[04:40] Candidate of their choice and if I could please bring a few of my gringo friends with me why? Because they came right out and said that having a couple of gringos at these political rallies Really props up the candidates bona fides and gives him a kind of a first world stamp of approval You know major bragging rights, so then you might ask with my distaste and hatred for politics and political ass wipes of all stripes How many times have I got sucked into one of those gigs well in my 25 plus years down here I've only done it for one guy in fact about a month ago Who I actually believe can clean house in a neighborhood where I had some property now I went there with a couple gringo buddies and we never said a word because the whole thing was in Spanish

[05:26] But all we really had to do was kind of show that there were some gringos on this guy's side So anyway time will tell how all that turns out Alright, alright. I know what you're thinking call me to face call me a hypocrite I showed up with a couple other gringos at the challengers event and if at election time he wins Well, he had gringo support like no other candidate gets so we'll hold his feet to the fire You know the old saying he may be a scumbag parasite But at least he's our scumbag parasite that said in this case if you knew him He's the closest thing we're gonna get to an honest intelligent politician. And yes, he bought me lunch plenty of times Okay, and now from the it could only happen in Latin America department when you get down here

[06:12] And you're driving around especially in the big city You'll occasionally see signs and posters advertising self-help groups like for example Alcoholics anonymous many of the same ones you see up in the states diabetic groups single mother groups parents of children with Down syndrome self-help groups for problems like cancer and kiddie dialysis and the two most fashionable gringo style self-help groups Of course parents whose children have been bullied and parents of children with autism and in those two cases It seems only the very wealthy need apply in fact I'd be willing to bet that only one in a thousand Latin people know what autism or an autistic child is that said There's one self-help counseling group. You'll never find up in the first world when you hear this

[07:00] You're gonna think it's out of Monty Python So what am I talking about? There's a self-help counseling group in every big Latin City called in Spanish now see if you can make this out. It's called association Contra tira balas in a lie, right? So what's it mean in English? It's a group dedicated to the problem of people nearly always men senselessly firing their guns into the air just for fun or for the hell of it, you know, because What goes up must come down. So imagine that organized associations of people in every big Latin City trying to educate low-class idiots with guns that Occasionally just shoot them off into the air like an old cowboy saloon fight in the John Wayne movie

[07:46] So anyway, according to the group that exists in Mexico, they claim that there are 1500 injuries a year and it's just as widespread in all other Latin countries, too So in Mexico alone, you've got 1500 injuries and about 10 deaths And remember we're talking about a country where it's illegal for the public to own a firearm Yep, a great law in a perfect world, but in the real world a very stupid law now Don't get me wrong People just don't walk on to the street and shoot off their guns into the air willy-nilly There's always a good reason and that reason party time and when you're talking about a place like Brazil It's during carnival during carnival There are dozens of emergency room visits because of stray bullets a lot of Latin Yosemite Sam's out there

[08:32] So naturally the people that belong to this association as you might think have either been affected themselves or had someone close to them and nicked by a falling bullet Sounds like a big problem, right? So then should gringos and expats be worried Well in my experience and I've been down here, like I said 25 or so years once a few years back around Christmas time I was visiting a rather lower middle-class family Actually, I was just stopping in to pick up my car because the guy was my mechanic Oh, and by the way, I'd say that about 80% of all the mom-and-pop small businesses down here are Operating out of their homes or their garages attached to their homes anyway, we got into a little discussion about fireworks and firecrackers and pyrotechnics and The fact that people shoot off guns at night Usually when there's a national holiday or a party then the mechanic dug into his toolbox and pulled out a flattened bullet

[09:24] He said it came through the roof in his daughter's room and landed on her bed Now remember in Latin America middle and lower middle class people usually have tin laminated roofs That's the norm down here. And like he said a bullet landing on one of those laminate roofs is gonna pop right through So then what about his daughter? Well, she didn't hear the shot But she heard the pop as it hit the metal roof went through it and landed on her bed It didn't hit her but came close and you know This subject reminds me how stupid kids are when I was young maybe 10 or 12 years old My neighbor had a bow and arrow and when we were really bored like a bunch of dummies We'd go out into one of the big fields outside our suburb in Chicago and you guessed it Shoot arrows into the sky like idiot Cupid's. Of course, they'd have to land somewhere now, wouldn't they?

[10:12] Well, nobody got hurt and when our parents found out we got the strap Yep, we got the strap and all you softy do-gooder parents out there might be thinking. Well, that's cruel Well, I'll tell you we deserved it Remembered that strap when we were thinking of doing it again and said nah not worth it Now there is a little corollary to the stray bullets in the air story What I discovered by talking to Lana middle-class young adults that have been deported from the US because they were illegal Turns out in the Latin barrios of the big cities in the states LA Chicago Atlanta all over the United States for that matter There you have concentrated the lowest class of Latins and the least educated and they brought with them a lot of bad habits That means that they celebrate their Latin holidays in much the same way as they did back in the old home country

[11:02] Meaning up in US body Ozzie on those big Latin holidays they discharged weapons in the air when they're drunk and happy, too But apparently no one's talking about it or it's just not on the US news radar yet Sure in the states you hear about drive-by shootings and stray bullets occasionally wounding and killing kids and ghettos and body But mostly from people shooting at each other intentionally or Accidentally here I'm just talking about drunken partiers who think they're you somebody salmon shoot off rounds into the air out of sheer drunken delight Oh, and by the way, if you think down here, it's just the poor and low-class people doing that You'd be wrong In fact a lot of times in the big city in an upper middle-class disco and hotel district During Christmas and New Year's and those national holidays those streets get packed full of people and certain brain-dead

[11:52] segments of the bodyguard crowd Mostly new money with old bad habits and nice new suits will get drunken crazy and fire off some rounds in the air, too I've seen it. I've seen it in Costa Rica Nicaragua Guatemala Colombia and Venezuela. I saw that stuff mostly because many many weekends I was playing gigs in those districts with my band and some nights after bar time those low-class macho Latin guys with new money Would fire off a few rounds and think it was cool Which only proves once again that money brains and culture never seemed to correlate Okay. Now speaking of brains and lack thereof. There are so many reasons why you have that gringo advantage I'm always talking about especially in business

[12:39] In fact, it would take a list as long as my arm to explain all the defects that alert gringo see every time they walk into a Latin owned and operated brick-and-mortar business and that goes for Latin designed owned and operated Websites to need more proof. Well just yesterday. I went to my favorite shoe store called flexi FLEXI Now I don't make a dime off this nor do I get free shoes from them by saying this But I found by trial and error and years of using them that they're the best value for the money that I've ever found Now, like I said in a show a long time ago This is a Mexican outfit and average Latins don't buy them because they're on the expensive side But not for gringos. They've become so popular with the upper middle classes

[13:24] That these little flexi stores have popped up in many many upscale malls throughout Latin America So anyway yesterday looking for another pair of flexi shoes I went into a local flexi outlet now There's not many of these outlets cuz like I said, it's upscale So for example, if you're in the biggest city in Panama Panama City, they think there's only three stores there in upscale malls Of course, so I walked into a flexi store yesterday and remember this is a very successful company They probably have I don't know 400 stores in Latin America and of course a website in Spanish where you can order them So anyway, I walked into the flexi store There are three girls standing behind the counter ages maybe 18 to 23 and that was a Saturday So, you know, that's when you're gonna have the maximum customer flow

[14:10] And there were only two people in the store the whole time. I was there yet They had three ladies behind the counter massive overkill And even though these ladies are getting maybe $300 a month probably not even that 90% of the time they're just sitting there with their thumbs up there. Well sitting on them anyway now, don't get me wrong They were all super nice latinas. They almost always are Genuinely upbeat happy and friendly. So after one of those ladies helped me out finding some shoes I said to her in Spanish, of course because we're off the gringo tourist trail and no one's speaking English I said, you know people really wish they had flexi store outlets in the states because you really can't get as far as I know real pigskin Shoes like flexi makes in fact these days no other company

[14:55] I've ever run into has pigskin anything except maybe footballs and in that second the lady helping me out turn bright red and She said as if I'd said something insulting or dirty Sir, our flexi shoes are made out of cueto. That's fine leather from cows cowhide I said, well, maybe some of them are but the ones I like and everybody seems to prefer All those gringos are the ones that are made out of pigskin Then she looked back at the other two ladies behind the counter They all kind of look shocked and the lady again insisted that all the shoes were made from fine leather So here's what I did. I walked up to the shoe display I took a shoe down the same model that I had at home and have been using for years I pulled back the tongue, you know where it shows the list of materials using the shoe and it said right there in Spanish

[15:47] Of course the soles made of man-made material and the uppers made of 100 percent serdo That's c-e-r-d-o. Look it up. That means pig hog, you know like porky and Arnold in green acres Then I walked up to the counter Pull that tongue back and I said read this out loud, please and the lady read it. I said Serdo right pig and she nodded very slowly and the other two girls giggled and one of the girls even said gay Interesante how interesting so then what do you learn from this? You learn that even in very successful latin owned and operated businesses the help now get this two of the three girls had been working There more than a year. They seem to be so poorly trained and informed or maybe just not one bit

[16:38] Curious about the product they're selling that they don't even know the basic Material that goes into making their shoes even though it's spelled out in every single shoe That is if anyone would bother to pull back the tongue and read it So here I am this gringo who's bought maybe three or four pairs of flexis in his life Telling them basic things about their product. They don't even know even though two of them had worked there over a year and a half I mean, come on. We're talking about a shoe store They don't sell anything else and that dear listener is a perfect example Why your gringo and vantage in business will always prevail now, don't get me wrong I'm not saying these ladies were dumb stupid or incapable of learning. They were very bright very happy and

[17:25] Very pleasant just the kind of people you want in a retail store like that But believe me, there's something very wrong and backward about the way nearly all Latin businesses Train and motivate their employees It's as if even in a big company like that. No one's ever written an employee manual and you know what? They haven't I asked one of the girls. She gave me the universal shoulder shrug and said employee manual Hmm. What's that? What's it for? So they've got it right at the factory in Mexico They make tremendous shoes But they like 95% of all Latin American business operations have a hell of a lot to learn and in fact are Hopelessly in the muck on the retail side, which is why you have that gringo advantage So do check out flexis if you ever walked by one of their stores

[18:13] In fact, the reason why I went yesterday was because there was a 40% off sale Even so 90% of lens will never buy them at that price Remember Latin America is the land of the clones and the Pirates So you might think you see people running around in high quality Nikes hushpuppies bass Whatever the fact is down here men Just don't pay 50 to 100 bucks for a shoe and the average price for flexi shoes is between 60 to 80 bucks So down here in Latin America, you just can't tell a person's earning power by what he or she wears There's just so much pirating going on which brings me to an email by our longtime listener Marcos and he writes Hi, Johnny. It's PT Marcos again from Mexico PT meaning permanent traveler or perpetual tourists

[19:01] Hey, thanks for continuing to advise people to avoid Mexico as it helps keep the gringo crowds here down to a reasonable size You know, Mexico does have its unique merits beyond its colorful culture Mexico is a type of halfway house for gringos being that here is like jumping into the shallow end of a pool in order To work on your Spanish and your cultural savvy before heading off to the deep end in El Salvador Bolivia or whatever Of course up here You really have to know which cities are safe and interesting and how to navigate them So maybe you do have to know how to swim after all and I recently found out something new about Mexico Did you know that the degree to which you are on the tourist trail? Changes at different times of the year in the off season

[19:48] You can walk around town and only see Mexicans and it feels like you're way off the tourist trail altogether Especially when you ride the city bus, which is my preferred way of meeting the locals For example today a Mexican laborer in a baseball sweatshirt and cap started to talk to me loudly in the bus aisle in Spanish Of course, I thought he wanted money at first But it turned out all he wanted was to chat and learn some English words with a real live gringo Man, was he extra proud of that sweatshirt with the English letters He told me all about how his friend gave it to him and I heard his story of how he got that gringo baseball Head too, you gotta love the gringo advantage when it comes to getting cultural exposure But the main reason I'm writing is to share a tip on learning Spanish that might be useful for your listeners

[20:37] As we all know the easy part of learning Spanish is mastering the standard grammar and vocabulary Anyone can look it up online or take classes at a standard Spanish school But the hard part is actually becoming functional in the language and especially understanding what the heck the locals are saying This is doubly true for guys like me who aren't the quickest on their feet in the language learning process But to get even a little better at it You need to spend a lot of time conversing with a local Spanish speaker And here's a good way to do it as you know Almost any hard-working Latin family could really use extra money So I had a friend introduce me to a Mexican family that she knew in this family There's a young mother with three kids and I offered to pay her a small amount per hour

[21:22] simply to sit and talk Spanish with me and She jumped at the chance so twice a week I meet with her and that's all we do we talk Spanish and unlike the Spanish you get in most schools It's authentic street Spanish. She doesn't teach me grammar as like I said I can review that myself on study spanish.com or whatever But she helps me with the local vocabulary teaches me about the local culture to and even corrects my verb tenses and it was because of her that I was Able to understand that Mexican guy on the bus with the English sweatshirt so my tip for your listeners at the intermediate level of Spanish anyway is To go find a local who has made it all the way through high school Unless of course you already have a latinovia or a novio that's girlfriend or boyfriend, which is really the best way of all

[22:13] Today my tutor told me about one of the best cleaners that low-income Mexicans use to clean their bathrooms You'll never guess what it is coca-cola She said if you spread it on the sink and leave it overnight Then all the soap scum will come off in the morning. Not bad, huh? She also said there's a type of hot sauce sold in Mexico That is so full of toxic chemicals and additives that it works equally Well as a cleaner though, I bet you'd want to wear rubber gloves when using that one She also advised that I make all my hot sauces from scratch and don't buy the bottled stuff Since you really don't know what they put in it and a lot of people sell that stuff on the street with no label You know a lot of homemade vendors. Oh and another thing. She told me that Mexican children have an unusually rigorous

[23:04] Vaccine schedule they in fact need to go through numerous rounds of vaccines by the time They enter kinder at age 4 and need to have a special certificate in order to attend school This is in spite of the fact that there seems to have been a bad polio vaccine here about 40 years ago That crippled many many people not only that but recently 29 babies in the state of Chiapas were given vaccines that were infected with a bacteria that made them all seriously ill What have you heard about the vaccines down here as usual share any of this if you wish we're all in it together Keep up the good work and the show just keeps getting better from Mexico with love PT Marcos all right PT. Let's touch on that vaccine thing now parents can do what they want

[23:50] But I wouldn't give my kid vaccines nope in fact I pretty much have had dogs all my life too And I'll give them the first round of just a few puppy vaccines not all because I know there are diseases like parvo and Cannell diseases that could kill a young pup in a week, but after that guess what I've never given my dogs another Vaccine the rest of their lives and every last one that made it past the puppy stage Lasted well beyond the normal years for that breed. What about human vaccines then? Everybody I mean everyone's on board. They think vaccines are just great. I'm talking about lower middle-class upper even very wealthy people Oh, no, they don't connect it with any of these new childhood problematic diseases like autism

[24:37] Parents down here don't connect the dots anyway Why would they the average Latin doesn't read anything but the front page the entertainment page and the sports pages sound familiar in fact? Latins eat even more of that slop the news media puts in the trough then Americans do like I said the past show There's very very little alternative press in the Latin world and what there is of it people don't read anyway And you know in my 25 plus years of being in Latin America I've only met one Latin who's ever said a thing against vaccines, and that was my dentist He went to school in the States by the way why Latins love everything and anything coming from the first world including junk food Coca-Cola and Vaccines you already know that most Latins are dying to live in the States and some of them die trying and crazy enough

[25:27] There are all kinds of first-world do-gooder organizations coming down and vaccinating the poor people's in Latin America You see it in the papers all the time First world church and medical groups like doctors without brain cells are leading the charge and vaccinating poor kids like crazy Especially out in the boonies while corrupt organizations like who the ironically named World Health Organization Offload containers full of vaccines down here in Latin America sometimes off and bad batches for Government personnel to administer and really the vaccine issue is just a mess So what's the answer either home school or send your kids to private school? Then you're the boss you're in control of your kids and you can opt out

[26:12] The truth is I'd say only about one out of every 20 expat gringos down here actually bring their kids down Most make the trek down here after their kids are growing up and long gone So the vaccine issue really doesn't have a big impact on the gringos and expats What about older gringos and the flu shot? Well, you know what? I've asked around and it doesn't seem that anyone has flu shots down here. The doctors don't stock them They don't mention them. It's never publicized. Not bad. I'm for that for some that might be a good reason to move down So then our older people dying from the flu down here I mean, that's one of the reason people say to get the flu shot up north, right? Well, if you ask any doctor down here He'll tell you usually with a puzzled look on his face

[26:59] It's just not an issue and yet get this with all the poverty and the average person making only 300 bucks a month Most of Latin America have the same Lifespan statistics as people in the states without the benefits of whole foods flu shots and prescription drugs Okay, that said I'd like to remind you once again about my Latin American seminar Just go to expat wisdom calm click on the seminar link and sign up We're about four weeks away from launch time. So you still have time to get on board and make your plans Don't miss this chance to get your plan B in action You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America coming to you twice a week from somewhere south of the border Email me the expat files at gmail.com and don't forget to check out expat wisdom calm to sign up for your free

[27:51] Reports on Latin America. See you next time. Nos vemos