#584 – The Expat Files: Living with Wildlife, Cultural Differences, and Legal Challenges in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started I get a lot of emails from ladies wondering about the sometimes more than annoying critter situation down here sure up north You have your share of wild animals too and some small pests like deer ticks that are quite dangerous However, it's pretty easy to avoid them

[00:47] And of course I mentioned on a previous show or two that since there's no weather stripping even in the highest First-class houses down here certain unwanted critters will get into your house And because native Latins are sort of living in a tamed jungle Well compared to us expats and gringos Latins are much more tolerant of all types of critters inside and outside And of course all the critters down here are bigger tougher and bolder than the ones you'll find up in the states And what I mean by tougher is some of these pests are hard to kill which is why? Most times it's better just to shoo them out of the house if you can and as for me And I think for most long-term expats you get used to seeing more critters and creatures than you ever did up in the states Now as for me I'm no longer in a mad rush to kill every creature that gets in the house even bees wasps spiders and

[01:36] Flying and crawling things you've only seen on Nat Geo. Nope I usually won't kill him, but I am a fly and mosquito mass murderer and proud of it So anyway other than flies ants mosquitoes and slimy things You know the usual disgusting bugs you want to exterminate by the way that includes spiders when I spot any other insect Intruder I'll boot them out of the house and of course the cleaning lady does too because if you don't they'll build a nest or Set up shop in some hidden space inside your house, and you don't want that in fact not so long ago Queen bee set up shop inside expat at ease exhaust fan in his kitchen So how'd that happen well when the fans off there's a flapper on the outside wall That's supposed to lay flat against the building, but they don't always seal tight now

[02:24] Do they and for a beer wasps that little crack that little opening is a great place to set up shop So needless to say when Eddie came home from a two-week vacation He had a couple of hundred bees and a couple of pounds of honey inside his brand-new stainless steel exhaust fan hood The cleanup on that was not pretty now years ago when I first came to Latin America I had a very different first world style attitude towards all things creepy crawlies slimy and well Disgusting when I saw bees wasps ants nests on the property I'd consider them foreign invaders wipe them out or have my maintenance guy wet them out for me Especially those football sized wasp nests those things give me the willies and after my maintenance guy told me I think it was his uncle got stung to death after inadvertently slicing through one of those things now when I see one

[03:12] I keep my distance in fact that was the reason I quit going to a particular cafe internet many years ago There was a big football sized wasp nest right above the door and no one did a thing about it Must have been some kind of truce. It sure worked as a gringo repellent. I'll tell you that now I don't want you to think if you live down here There will be all kinds of massive insect invasions that won't happen But if you have any kind of garden or even a big yard or a lot You'll realize if you have any sense that you're the real invader and this is their home Yep, the birds the bees and the other critters have dibs. They got here first So anyway, you can try to cull them back and we all do but it's an ever-ending battle. Thankfully It's an ever-ending battle between them and your maintenance guy not you However, you should know this Latin males as a rule have absolutely no fear of nature

[04:02] I mean look at those guys out there hacking away with machetes when everybody's got a story of snake bite or being Bitten or stung by this or that in fact one Nicaraguan plasterer told me he was chopping a lot one day He came across a couple of big old dead logs Which happened to be a home to a family of ocelots and the mother who didn't like him around her babies Attacked him and bit him a few times. By the way, ocelots are wild cats that can weigh up to 40 pounds However, I hear they make good pets Surely they're endangered and all that and yeah most probably can't get one up in the States But down here well anything goes and people make pets out of all kinds of wild creatures Which actually is pretty sad because most Latins don't know how to take care of their animals now you longtime listeners

[04:48] Probably remember the story I told about a Latin guy who had a jaguar for a pet same story different Circumstances this time the mother was killed when some guys were clearing a field with machines and machetes And he rescued one of the babies and now it's his pet in fact many times I was sitting in this guy's house having coffee in his living room and I didn't even know there was a 50-pound jaguar staring down at me from on top of a bookshelf or a door jam He'd sit there so still you'd never know he was there until his eyes moved and caught a glint of the Sun I never quite felt comfortable in that house. Would you however to the owners credit? I have to say he's one of the only Latins I've ever met that really did take good care of his pet now that said

[05:34] After you've been down here a while you can't help but get over some of the uneasiness You may have felt when first confronted with all those critters because they will get in your house You know so how about my experience with that stuff now ladies? I don't want to scare you But I'll give you a partial list here of the various unwanted creatures that have made it into my living quarters that I had To remove somehow now of course I've had usual suspects unwanted pests in the house the same ones you probably had up in Cleveland in Seattle You know mosquitoes ants spiders flies kookaracha's various X's besides that stuff see if you can match this I've also had in my various Latin houses frogs toads Salamanders snakes I've had bats and more than once I've had scorpions however. Don't let that scare ya

[06:20] They've always been small no more than two or three inches the plain vanilla variety none of those big ugly Glistening James Bond or Sahara Desert Torture Chamber Hollywood scorpions nope There is none of those foot long alien looking national geographic jobs down here unless of course you live in the Mexican desert I've been around and I've never seen one of those except on TV and in a zoo And that's a good thing in fact a very good thing, but what else oh yeah in my house I've had snakes and those two always babies no more than a foot long Oh, and I even had a possum snuck in through the dog door of course We all know what a dog or cat door is but latin's have no concept yep And they're available at high-end pet shops and ace hardware and stuff, but it's purely a gringo thing so what else oh? Yeah, I've had hummingbirds in the house various other kinds of birds

[07:08] Walking sticks boy there are walking sticks down here and big ones too and at the beach house I've had crabs I'm talking about sea crabs oh and by the way speaking of sea crabs You'll find they like closed dark spaces like under your beds at the beach house So guard your privates because they will pinch you now I don't want to make it sound like you have to be on the lookout for animal invaders all the time It's not like Jurassic Park though. They did film a few of them down here I'd say most gringles and expats are lucky if they have one or at the most two animal incidents like that per year Of course you'll have more if you're at the beach because it's hot and the animals want to get some shade and also during the Rainy season wouldn't you want to get inside, too? Anyway as I mentioned before the average Latin guy has no fear of nature I guess that comes from being able to handle machete at the age of four or five however Latin ladies seem to have that

[07:59] natural female fear of creepy crawly stuff and things that go bump in the night that seems to be universal so yes I've seen maids and cleaning ladies freak out, but they recover quickly go on the attack and need no assistance Let's just say I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of that broom or flyswatter Oh and one thing remember the insects are jumbo sized down here So when you whack one and kill one you have to do the cleanup right away Because if you don't what's left will be stuck to your windows or doors like five-minute epoxy nope It's not pretty on that note You might want to have your maintenance guy or cleaning lady check your doors Every six months or so because often insects will try to get in and you'll close your door and unbeknownst to you But certainly be notes to the now smushed insect

[08:45] He's now become part of the inner door jam as an organic tarry kind of epoxy talk about a nasty look Which reminds me of another animal incident that happened just a couple of days ago You dog owners out there know that when you drive up to your house Your dogs can usually tell you're coming from a couple blocks away They recognize the sound of your car engine, which is why even if you're a block or so away, they'll start barking However at this time no barking. I'm thinking that's unusual Wonder what they're up to now those of you who've had pets like that know the feeling when your dogs cats ferrets pythons Whatever don't greet you at the door, which is their regular routine Something's up and it ain't good best case. They've gotten into the garbage worst case They've escaped or they just don't love you anymore. So anyway, I pulled it to the garage and there they were

[09:33] But they weren't moving they'd cornered something by the back door now The last time that happened some months ago, they actually caught and killed a Cornish hen Yep, they've got them down here in Latin America, too kind of sad about that, but dogs do like birds You know, so then this time what had they cornered? Well, I tell you it was the biggest Jesus lizard I'd ever seen thing must have been a foot and a half tall now I'm not afraid of those things they don't bite But I don't like touching them with my bare hands either and this one was feisty You know how those lizards like to just stand very still and kind of play dead Well, he did a little of that but actually jabbed back a bit Oh, and by the way on a previous show, I mentioned they call him Jesus lizards even in Spanish la gatias de Jesus or la gatia de Cristo why because with their big webbed feet they can actually walk or

[10:25] More precisely run on water now It's the rainy season down here and that creature obviously wanted to get into the house where it's dry and cozy But even more than that he wanted to get away from those dogs Who at least at this point hadn't hurt him or killed him yet But you know how cats and dogs are they'll capture an animal or a bug play with it a while Bat it around a bit carry it around in their teeth throw in the air Some say, you know, that's how Hillary brought up Chelsea, but I digress as usual Anyway, I grabbed a plastic bag and rescued it stuck it over my hand picked the Jesus lizard up Took him to a safe place and give him a free pass Now I can tell you times have changed much of the same thing happened to me 25 years ago in Costa Rica I was confronted with a Jesus lizard again with the Jesus lizard. Maybe it's a sign, huh?

[11:11] Anyway, that little lizard may be 10 inches tall made its way into the foyer of my little beach house That's when one of the gringo ladies scream so loud You would have thought it was a t-rex worst yet One of the gringos fell down as he dove for cover cuz he thought it was poisonous and was preparing to attack And in the end one of the brave gringos came to the rescue of those fair maidens and initiated the death penalty By the way, it wasn't me Looking back it was quite sad But that is the knee-jerk reaction a lot of newbie gringos have when they first get down here They see some unusual creature or bug and they get scared grab something and squish it In fact a few times while in Costa Rica had to reprimand some nasty little gringo kids who'd come down with their parents

[11:57] I caught some kids throwing rocks at monkeys and others feeding wild parrots junk food and worse yet I caught one kid feeding a toucan in a cage try to sugarless gum now That'll plug them up and eventually kill them little boys can and will be little jerks You know, I was once one myself a little boy that is I'm still a jerk But most people tolerate me at least for a while. Anyway, that's not to say little Latin boys Don't kill things too. They do but when they kill them they usually eat them by the way It's a rite of passage for all little Latin boys Middle class and lower middle class anyway to have a really nice hand carved homemade slingshot often passed down from father to son Now unfortunately you give an American kid a nice slingshot and the first thing he's gonna do bust out a few street lights

[12:43] And how do I know that? Well, I'm not telling except to say those were the days Whereas young Latin boys will use their slingshots to kill squirrels rabbits iguanas pretty much whatever is moving and edible Yes, the middle and lower middle classes of all tasted iguana even snake In fact, I've sat down to dinner with middle-class Latin families where they've had such delights Needless to say I'm always glad that there's a dog who'll eat anything under every Latin person's kitchen table Oh, by the way, you know If you live on a coast in Latin America Chances are they'll be sea turtles coming into shore once a year or so to lay their eggs and all the local kids Will go down at night with their flashlights and watch the turtles lay their eggs and they'll dig them up Take them home to the family for dinner or sell them at the local tienda or on the street themselves

[13:29] There is a big market in Latin America for turtle eggs. Why because their eggs and eggs are protein In fact, you can go to any big fish market or Central Market during turtle egg season and buy some if you want However, I wouldn't recommend it because you know what they're slowly But surely wiping out the species by doing that which brings us back to what you can do as a gringo when you get down Here to Latin America to help the locals and the environment Well a good friend of mine a long-term expat down here. He's been here. I think 18 years now He has a beach house on the Pacific side and the turtles do come in once or twice a year And over the years he tells me the turtles pretty much only come in at night It's a way to avoid natural predators I said natural predators But he says he also sees a little kids out at night with their flashlights waiting for the turtles to come in so they can steal

[14:19] Their eggs. So my friend after watching this revolt and development happening for a few seasons decided to do something about it He put out the word locally that he will buy a turtle eggs So the kids will dig them up as usual and instead of eating them or selling them on the road They'll bring them to his house He'll buy the eggs and he'll take them down to a turtle sanctuary Which just happens to be a couple of kilometers away and hand it back to the biologists and naturalists that run the place So the kids get paid and the turtles survive a win-win So my gringle friend by hatching that idea. Oh Anyway, he's giving back in a very simple but unique way. So my friend figures over the years He's saved literally hundreds if not thousands of little turtles from the death penalty good for him

[15:06] And speaking of the death penalty down here in Latin America There is in fact a love-hate relationship going on with that concept as it turns out historically all the countries that had dictators benign Benevolent brutal or not when they were in power. They always had the death penalty It was legal used on occasion and in general was a big deterrent to capital crime as mentioned All Latin American countries had dictators at one time Some Latin countries still do the one a kinder gentler dictator light sort of way In other words people do disappear and end up in the gulags and such but they don't hang them in public or line them up For firing squads not anymore So basically we've got some dictators down here with a lighter touch like Cuba's Castro Venezuela's Maduro

[15:53] Nicaragua's Ortega, etc Now what you're gonna find surprising and maybe a little irritating is that every time there's a strong-armed Dictator in office the crime rate in that country plummets and what do you think that is? Well, that's because these strong-armed dictator types when they say they're gonna punish somebody for a crime, man They do it and they do it fast No half a dozen appeals or a 10-year wait on death row when a judge hands down the death penalty in a case That guy's got about 30 to 60 days and it's over now That's not to say if you've been handed down a stiff sentence or even the death penalty You couldn't get out of it. If you had a lot of dough you can this is Latin America, you know But for the average guy, they know that if you're living under a strong-armed dictator Capital crimes will get punished and swiftly now the traditional way to get out of a heavy sentence for a narco or a big-time

[16:40] Government convicted criminal is simply to leave the country In fact, it's common for Latin countries to accept the convicted criminals or fugitives from Adjacent Latin countries as long as the big-time criminal brings along his ill-gotten gains In fact, Panama's harboring a lot of Latin political criminals right now Who've stolen countless millions from their own treasuries, but Panama doesn't care as long as they get part of that dough So anyway crime statistically is always quite low when there's a strong-armed dictator The exception these days being Venezuela since the places in chaos and people are starving all bets are off now When you talk about Latin America's recent past that would be the 50s 60s 70s and 80s There were many dictators and civil wars most of them instigated clandestinely by the US

[17:28] But you knew that already, right? then eventually as time went on and the civil wars died down and the old strong-armed military Colonels in generals retired got old or died off and pretty much throughout Latin America The public got their wish somewhat free elections, but they came at a price Well, take one guess who always stepped in to lend a helping hand the stinking United Nations and the World Bank Of course now for any of you who've read that book by John Perkins It's called the confessions of an economic hitman now There's a book that should be required reading for everyone with a half a brain Anyway, if you read that book, you know what happened next. So what's the book all about? It basically tells the true story of how the US government along with the World Bank and the UN

[18:15] Hand out gigantic loans to third world countries that they can never repay the country's political bigwigs Then skim enough of that dough to live like royalty forever and use the rest of that borrowed dough to construct huge Infrastructure projects like for example hydroelectric dams that only first world Connected companies are allowed to bid on so it's a revolving door of money corruption and crime at the highest political levels Sanctioned by the US the UN and the World Bank then after some years when those third world countries can't pay those loans back The United Nations the World Bank and the IMF come in with another round of loans that they can't pay back You stir and repeat but this time the mining utility and agricultural land and concessions

[19:01] That were used as collateral for those loans revert back to first world transnational corporations. It's a dirty stinky game You should read the book and you'll find out more about it. And yes, it's still going on So anyway more recently when third world people finally got kind of free elections They were able to kick out most of their candidates that had military backgrounds and voted more educated more so-called Humanitarian and less corrupt individuals. Yeah, right insert laughter here Now remember I started this rant by talking about the death penalty Well, did you know that when the United Nations and the US the World Bank and the IMF come into these countries to offer big financial packages Well because of all that human rights stuff these days

[19:47] One of the many prerequisites for getting that dough is for the country to eliminate the death penalty So Latin countries have accepted the dough and crime has gone way way up Now here's the irony nine out of ten regular people on the street when interviewed will tell you they are for a Return to the death penalty. Now the curveball in all this is that Latin America is 95% Christian mostly Catholic and as you might know Catholic doctrine is Absolutely against the death penalty, but oddly enough many Protestants and evangelical groups are more flexible about the idea So the Catholics are against capital punishment and most of Latin America is Catholic yet 90% of the people on the street are for capital punishment doesn't jive does it now?

[20:33] You might be wondering does Johnny believe in capital punishment. Well, yes and no and I'm not trying to be evasive here But I've actually thought out a kind of a solution. I have never really heard anybody mentioned before. Maybe it's original Maybe it's not but being that in Latin America anyway, the Catholics far outnumber any other religious group Well, how about this for a compromise being that the Catholic Church is the largest landowner in the world and the wealthiest church Denomination by far they had a kick in on this project Oh, and by the way, I understand the second largest private landowner in the world is get this McDonald's Anyway, I think if Catholics want countries to eliminate the death penalty then the Catholic Church according to biblical principles and charity should be responsible For financing the lifetime incarceration of a person convicted of murder

[21:23] That's a win-win the Catholics win no capital punishment Public wins because the guy is locked away no longer on the streets and it's someone else's dime not the government who's putting the bill Hey, what's not to like about that? So the question is do I believe in capital punishment? Well, yes If the alternative is lifelong incarceration and that your and my tax dollar has to fund So if someone else wants to pay for it fine with me lock them up Otherwise just pull the trigger on all those irredeemable psychopaths now I really like expat Eddie's solution to that too. He's always got something to throw into the mix He says the easiest fastest and most economic way to eliminate most of the world's Sociopaths and psychopaths is to drop a small nuke on Congress when it's in session

[22:09] Wait a minute. Could that be the economic and social reset button that some people aren't talking about wishful thinking, huh? Well on that happy note, I'd like to tell you about a new service. That's very cool It really comes in handy if you're coming out of Latin America start in your plan B And especially if you've got to come down for some time and don't know how long you're staying now We all know you can buy a one-way ticket to Latin America It's probably a hundred bucks cheaper than a round trip a lot of people like to do that Especially when their timing isn't precise when they're coming down on a mission looking for real estate looking to get their Temporary your permanent residence whatever and if you buy a round trip ticket You might be forced into using the return ticket or tossing it and having to buy a new one later So for many people working on their plan B their best choice would be a one-way ticket

[22:57] However, these days airlines won't let you fly out of your country to another without a return ticket Because they don't want you to overstay your visa in the country you're landing in Yeah, right like gringos are the ones most likely to be illegal aliens in a foreign country Talk about ass backwards logic. So you can't fight it. You have to buy a round trip ticket these days or do you? Well, what if you could rent a return ticket for just 24 hours? Is that even possible? Well, I'd like to give credit to mark who's on my early bird list for my January 2017 Expat insider seminar. He turned me on to this cool little service called fly onward calm Here's the concept what you do is you pay them ten bucks and they'll rent you a return ticket

[23:45] That's good for 24 hours And when you're checking in at the airport you hand them the voucher for the return trip and you're good. Yes It's in your name and in the airline database and there's nothing to indicate It's been rented for just 24 or 48 hours ten bucks for 24 hours 20 bucks for 48 So all in all it should end up saving you a hundred bucks at least so do check it out It's called fly onward calm. That said, let me read a few of the details for you off their website It starts out fly onward is an exclusive flight ticket rental service We provide you with international flight tickets and travel itineraries with your name on them to use as proof of your onward travel plans When you travel abroad Why because in many countries you won't be able to enter as a tourist without proof of onward travel put simply if you have a one

[24:34] Way ticket and no proof of future plans in that country You can be refused entry our service gives you proof of onward travel without the hassle of paying for expensive return airfare Upfront you simply rent the ticket for a small fee for 24 or 48 hours. Okay. It's me again I'm sure you're thinking now, how can they do that? How do they get away with it? Well, they explained it on their website They say this website is developed and operated by a digital nomad who has been traveling around the world for years He has experienced the hassle of onward ticket rules and how you can waste money on tickets that you never actually use fly onwards ticket services provided by an air travel agency who is legally allowed to purchase Refundable tickets and to cancel the ticket purchases automatically after a maximum period of 48 hours

[25:23] However, it says you can contact us for an additional quote if you need a ticket that lasts more than 48 hours Remember you only have to use that ticket when you check in and get your flight boarding passes Just to show them that you've got a return ticket and finally it says yes, these tickets are legitimate They are booked and paid for by our service. Therefore, you can legally use them as proof of your onward ticket We don't allow you to book a flight that departs very soon after your arrival though Which means there's plenty of time for the ticket purchase to be canceled and you will never need to actually use the ticket Hmm, so it's me again Johnny You gotta love it, huh an airline and immigration hack that really works At least we hope it does and for only ten bucks can't believe it Well go to fly onward calm and read about it mark who told me all about this

[26:11] We'll be purchasing one of those tickets soon. So we'll get a report from him won't we mark? Okay We're getting towards the end of the show now. I'd like to report that by overwhelming popular demand I sort of an arm-twisted into opening up the registration for my January 2017 Expat insider seminar months early. In fact in six years of doing these things. It's never been like this People in the know believe things are really gonna crack apart after the election Which is why everyone's in a rush to get their own plan be going So to get on that early bird list and sign up yourself Just go to www dot the new expat calm and click on Johnny's seminar link at the top of the page This one's gonna sell out fast. So be sure to get in while you can and yes

[26:57] This time John Galt will be offering his pre and post seminar trips, too By the way, I've heard comments from past seminar attendees Who said the one thing they regret is that they didn't take an extra four days to go on one of those trips so the object of course is to come to the seminar but also to spend a few more days and get Additional boots on the ground and finally don't forget to go to the expat files YouTube channel there You can hear the show with all the photos and slides and bells and whistles It's guaranteed to raise a smile and if it doesn't well, then sue me that said once again. I have to ask How's that plan be coming? south of the border You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America coming to you twice a week from somewhere south of the border Email me the expat files at gmail.com

[27:46] And if you want me to help you sort out your own Latin American plans schedule a one-on-one Consult with me just send an email and let me know at the expat files at gmail.com. No spamos