#629 – The Expat Files: Life, Culture, and Challenges in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border, down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wander Hello there all you expat wannabes I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the Expat Files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here So let's get started in the last show if you remember I spoke a little bit about funerals and cemeteries Now just to remind you if you're driving around in any Latin City big or small even on the county If you see a storefront or a house or a chicken bus or even a taxi cab with a big black bow on it

[00:50] You know like a bow tie that means someone has recently passed away That's a tradition here in Latin America You get a big black bow and you stick it on your place of business front door or whatever and you leave it there for around A week and you'll notice when people pass by especially the older folks the over 50 and 60 crowd God is that really the definition of old? Hmm. Anyway, they'll make this sign of the cross out of reverence So you'll see big black bows around once in a while and not surprisingly if you're actually looking for those things and keeping count You'll see most of them on chicken buses a few years back in a show I mentioned that chicken bus drivers and their helpers have what's considered the most dangerous job in all of Latin America

[01:35] more assaults shootings killings and robberies with that career if you can call it a career than any other in all of Latin America Far outpacing what you might consider the usual hazardous and dangerous jobs like construction mining farming firemen cop, etc Owned by the way number two on that list of most dangerous jobs You'll never guess or maybe you will how about lawyers run a neck-and-neck with politicians? They're always getting a shot at and bumped off couldn't happen to a nicer bunch, huh? Yeah, because you know, they're making deals with the devil not to mention the narcos And of course, they've got their big snouts dipped deep into the public trough and in the case of politicians once elected They can guarantee their friends families and cronies a lifetime of overpaid employment

[02:23] So naturally they'll do almost anything to stay in office including bump off the competition Which is why every so often and not enough if you ask me so many governors mayors senators Etc. Show up in the papers or on a six o'clock news as being victims of foul play Which is why when you're watching the news and you see a high-end expensive SUV just riddled with bullet holes You can bet it's a narco politician lawyer or a businessman heavily involved with one of those three And you know, there's that school of thought when it comes to narcos. Anyway, you can't stop them from fighting between themselves There's always turf wars So if you're an optimist you can look at it as if they're providing a service being that they're self-limiting, you know Darwinism survival of the fittest and all that so they're culling their own numbers

[03:12] What's not to like about that for the most part? That's what's happening Now I know when you first get down here to Latin America and you start looking at the six o'clock news and reading the paper Or at least looking at the pictures I know how terrible even frightening that looks because you just don't see that stuff up in the states Well, I take that back sure. It's always happening in the ghetto But since ghetto assaults and shootings in low-income neighborhoods are not newsworthy You rarely hear about it unless there's some looting rioting multiple deaths or cops involved Bottom line down here in Latin America, you're gonna see that stuff on the news and in the papers, but it's not gonna be in your neighborhood You'll be living far away from that kind of stuff. In fact in my 27 years down here I only saw one incident like that up close

[04:00] About a year ago on a very nice stretch of the pan-american highway near El Salvador I saw an expensive late model Mercedes Benz alongside the road with about a half dozen bullet holes in it Now by the time I drove by the cops had been there for at least an hour They had the crime scene tape up and the place blocked off So it's not like I was Johnny on the spot It was later that night on the six o'clock news when I saw that the car was driven by a lawyer Connected with the government and you know Those are just the kind of stories that keep the average American from coming down to Latin America, which is okay with me I say if you're the average American don't come you won't like it here. You'll find it hard to fit in There's no safety net for you for one thing. Nope. No nanny state either

[04:47] The fact is most of us gringos down here are picky about our gringo friends We only want smart above average educated astute and thoughtful gringos down here Don't we and you know when you're off the gringo tourist trail and you happen to run into a gringo There's a very good chance. He'll be that kind of person Unless of course he or she's on a military mission a do-gooder mission or works for the US Embassy Then all bets are off now when you're on the gringo tourist trail You're much less likely to run into the type of gringos that can stimulate your mind and you might even want to hang with Even gringos living on the tourist trail for a very long time can often disappoint Yes, when you're on the gringo tourist trail You'll often meet a lot of close-minded gringos who still cling to and support the first world nanny state

[05:38] You know the type and usually the two questions that separate the men from the boys go like this number one How'd you make your living back in the states and number two? How'd you end up living down here? All you have to do is ask those two questions when you meet a gringo and you'll pretty much know where he or she's coming from Best to explain this with a little story not so long ago I was sitting in my favorite little place in Antigua, Guatemala That would be the cigar bar where you could pop in anytime. You want have a real Cuban cigar Where no one would dare complain about secondhand smoke or the virtues of a fine Cuban cigar by the way Let me just state for the record that once in a while. I do smoke a Cuban cigar by the way in Latin America They're called puros Meaning they're the pure the original from Havana. Oh and sometimes they'll call them habanos, too

[06:28] But mostly just puros Hey, every ceremony, that's human has to have a vice or two, right? What's yours? I'd say I smoke about one a month not a habit by any means and nothing to write home about but you know You do meet the craziest strangest most interesting people in that little cigar bar owned by the way by a German gringo And the cigar thing well, that's part of the experience of hanging out there It's a self-selecting sample, you know, not that you have to smoke a cigar You can have some cognac or rum tequila, whatever pick your poison Yep, you'll definitely find a very strange cross section of humanity in there Like I said people who smoke good cigars are a self-selecting sample

[07:15] First off it definitely screens out the cheapskates the do-gooders and the backpackers Yep a place like that would be off limits to the kumbaya crowd. You know, yep You'll meet some extremely interesting world-class travelers not to mention some clandestine types with pseudonyms, too in fact last time I was there I met a guy who owned a gold mine a Retired FBI agent who's so pissed off at the US He'll never go back and get this a Midwestern gringo married to the daughter of the ex-president of El Salvador By the way, the ex-presidents in jail. So what else is new, huh? Old John Galt even ran into a British guy there who was working under a US government contract to censor Facebook and Twitter. Did you even know they did that? Well, you might have heard rumors

[08:01] But John Galt met and argued with one of those guys in the flesh I hope to tell more of that story later. Stay tuned So to say you run into all kinds of the most interesting people in the world there is an understatement Of course, you'll run into perfect dickheads there, too The kind of people I was so glad to leave behind when I left the states and hoped I'd never run into again But when you're on or near the gringo tourist trail There are plenty of those guys to go around like the blowhard I ran into not so long ago in that cigar bar a retired guy But pretty young living in Latin America for the past five years and loving it He was a retired public high school guidance counselor receiving his bloated pension Hey not to get off the track here, but I will how about my own experience with a bloated high school counselor now

[08:49] Like every junior in high school. I had that requisite interview with my guidance counselor when I walked in there He was on the phone ordering parts for his fishing boat. He had the blueprints for that boat spread out in front of him on The desk. That's all he really gave a damn about. I even heard him say as much on the phone Anyway, he looked at my records and he said your SAT scores are way up there and you're good in math And you say you want to go to engineering school Then he shook his head negatively and said, you know, that's not a very good idea Boeing, Lockheed, General Dynamics and the big aviation companies are laying off engineers like crazy He said look Johnny we went to the moon. It's over to be an engineer these days It's a bad career move. Meanwhile, I got a full boat engineering scholarship And four years later when I got my undergrad engineering degree

[09:36] I had no less than six engineering job offers before I even graduated Companies were coming on campus like never before to interview months before our class even graduated because you know during that time Someone invented a thing called the personal computer the PC man was my guidance counselor an idiot In fact, I've got a few public school teachers in my family up in Chicago and they always told me Everyone wants to be a guidance counselor It's what they call in Chicago a sack job where you just sit around Talk on the phone drink coffee. See a few kids. You've got an office no classes and you just show up and get paid It's well known that a guidance counselor's job is a refuge for lazy ass teachers and why so many people want a job like that

[10:23] Hey, but this story really does have a point Remember I was sitting in the cigar bar Right next to a former high school guidance counselor and now he's telling everyone who will listen what a great businessman he is He says, you know when you're retired you do have a lot of time on your hands and I decided to start a business and Then he said if I didn't own how simple and easy it is to start a successful business I'd had done it a long time ago By the way The reason why this guy came down to retire in Latin America is because he came as a backpack and gringo Some 30 years ago and saw how cheap and easy the living was and promised himself someday. He'd retire here Anyway, this guy was going on and on how easy it is to do business here And then another gringo in the bar looked at him and said yeah, I have a business in Latin America, too

[11:10] I know exactly what you mean took me about a month or two to get the paperwork together and just one Inspection and I was able to open my doors But he said up in the States my brother just opened a business and he was faced with 16 different inspections before he could open then the guy I looked at him cross ways and said Why do you think I'm down here doing business because you and the likes of your kind Ruined it for us up in the States. Yeah, it used to be easy to have a restaurant business and till about the 1980s the guy said then every month or so another inspector and another and another and all of them had to make their mark They'd find you change this and that new heft filters grease traps roof vents

[11:56] Add another parking place bathroom stall new urinal You need stainless this and stainless that change this to safety glass. No wooden shelves or cupboards He said his umbrella coverage went from 150 a month to 1200 a month in just a couple of years And then he said it's just so difficult It's not worth it Then you come down to Latin America and you find out it's just like back in the 50s and 60s You start up a business and you're not in partnership with the government. What a relief and you're right It's almost too easy And then the high school guidance counselor said wait a minute. Wait a minute Why are you laying all this on me for what I do and the other guy said because it's guys like you who've worked for Government all your life you vote for any politician that promises freebies more benefits and more time off you're for any

[12:46] Legislation that supposedly helps the common man and puts the burden on business And now you come down here and have the balls to tell us how easy it is to do business Yeah, and if you could vote in this country, you'd ruin it for us all down here, too Talk about irony now believe it or not There were maybe ten people in that little cigar bar and three of them gave the guy a round of applause Man, I wish I would have caught that for a YouTube video. Yep There are a million stories in the Naked City, especially when you're sitting in the cigar bar in Antigua, Guatemala And you know during my January expat insider seminar I rounded up about ten seminar guys during our free time and we headed out to that little cigar bar Yep, but a couple of our seminar ladies came along too. You know what? They did not come away disappointed

[13:34] Yep, they have their own stories to tell now If you think that story I just told was an exaggeration Come on who'd go into a place meet a person for the very first time and lay into him like that Doesn't sound quite plausible does it? Well, I can tell you this I've been in that place more than once when good old John Galt was holding court there I'd say at least twice. I saw him nearly getting a fistfight with one of those jokers, you know the type same resume Generally an expat pensioner sucking off the government trough, you know career paper shufflers just waiting it out for that pension Yep, they get a few drinks in them and they're the first one that tell you how screwed up the world is and how it should Be fixed. Meanwhile, they're the ones that

[14:20] Get up in the first place. Oh and by the way when you're on the gringo tourist trail a town or city where you find gringos everywhere You'll see a lot of gringos honing restaurants. That seems to be the thing they like to do best I don't recommend it because like I say over and over you don't want gringos as competition However, if you have a niche a certain kind of food that no one else is offering or a certain special technique for preparing food You can do just fine. In fact clean up. For example I know a gringo who put up an authentic Texas style barbecue rib joint and man Did he get it right it even looks like you're walking into one of those Roadhouse barbecue joints in Texas Well, that guy's doing fine. In fact, he's branching out all over the place

[15:05] But he was the first one in with such a joint now He's pretty much on the gringo tourist trail, of course. Now if you tried to do that off the gringo tourist trail I'm sorry. Latins don't know what Texas barbecue is So obviously this guy was marketing directly to the gringos in the area who had the occasional Craving for such food. So his product the marketing and his presentation were spot-on But again, he was first in by the way I just saw a survey in a big latin newspaper and the question to the people on the street was if you Suddenly came into a lot of money enough to start a business. What kind of business would you attempt? Okay They've got the man on the street photos of ten people here the first person a university business administration student, Colorado

[15:53] Sebastian 26 years old says if I had the money I'd open up an ice cream store Why because people are always buying ice cream and I think I can make a lot of money Bad choice, mr. Sebastian. Sorry and you're a business admin student, huh? Hmm. Next we've got Jessica Samoya a 23 year old Communications major. Oh Man, surprise surprise. She'd open up a restaurant one that sells delicious food at very low prices Wow, that's unique Why because she says her mother is a great cook has many good recipes and it will be a success Sorry, Jessica next we have another college student Brian de Leon Brian says I'll open up a clothing store

[16:39] Everyone's got to buy clothes and I'd specialize in selling quality clothes to teenager You know, there are a lot of clothes out there a bad quality. He says but not mine. I'll sell only the best Sorry Brian nice try next Esther he menace She said she'll open a restaurant right next to the free public university where she goes to school She said she'll sell healthy food instead of chattara, which is junk food and Doritos Sorry Esther. Not only will you be in immediate competition with colorado and Jessica college kids will always prefer Doritos to anything healthy Next man on the street was Jose shock He says he'd put in a bakery saying without a doubt he would have the best

[17:26] Tastiest donuts and cupcakes then he says it can't miss. Sorry Jose unless you got something Extraordinarily special. I don't think so. Next you've got Carolina Alonzo She's a 36 year old housewife three kids She said she'd open up a roadside barbecue place with select meat and chicharon is you know That's fried pig fat She said she'd put it in a nice location not her own neighborhood. Oh Carolina not another chicharon restaurant now, we've got Hector Galvez He's 28 years old. He said he definitely would sell food, but not traditional food Like for example, he said the food that I like informal food like tortillas hot dogs

[18:15] hamburgers, that's Burguesas in Spanish, but not in my neighborhood. He said now get this. He says too much competition I think he's the only one would have a brain Okay, Hector bad idea, but at least you're thinking ahead Next we've got Francisco Monroy. He's 53 years old and he said he would open up a hardware store But not only selling hardware He'd sell hats and work clothes plates cooking utensils And he says he'd sell them cheaper than anyone else in the area. Okay, Francisco That means you're gonna import everything from China, right? I think that's been done like a million times Next we've got Emmanuel Castro He says he would open up get this a dollar store and sell everything for a dollar

[19:03] Just like it says then he says my next option would be to open up a barbershop All you need is a chair a place to work and a scissors Then he said he'd pocket the rest of the money. Hey now, there's a survivor, huh? And finally our 10th man on the street Cesar Gamae He's 38 years old and he says by the way, this might be the best idea of all He says he and his wife will open up a daycare center he says he thinks it'll work because he knows there are more and more women in the workforce and they have to drop off their Kids somewhere then he says get this he'd combined his daycare center with a little library So the kids could learn to read and have a big selection of books. Not bad. Not bad at all There's a guy who's looking at future trends

[19:50] There you have it a cross section of the mindset of the average latin on the street The competition you'll be dealing with if you start a brick and mortar business, which of those ideas would you put your money on? Yep, the guy with the daycare idea. In fact, I think if a gringo or gringo started a first world style Gringo eyes daycare now, there's an idea Just a thought but bottom line five out of ten people questioned would open up a retail business selling some kind of food Which should definitely tell you that's not the business you want to be in I don't care how great your grandma's marinara sauce is or how fantastic aunt tutti's lasagna Don't do it unless you've got something really special or you're the first one in with a brand new food idea or fad

[20:37] That's already taking off up in the states All right moving on now already I'm getting emails asking if and when my next expat insider seminar is going to be Well barring the collapse of a major tipping point or an international disaster or any number of rotten things that could happen worldwide I'm looking at the week right after the 4th of july 2017 So if you want to get on that early bird waiting list and get all the updates Send an email the expat files at gmail.com In the meantime, I urge you to check out expatplanb.com If you're wondering what you can do in the meantime to get that plan b rolling There are a lot of things to consider before you get your boots on the ground You know and one of the best ways to get started is check out my new expat essentials course at expatplanb.com

[21:29] Okay, and now for our latin american fact for the day Did you know that 70 of latin americans cannot swim? In fact, they drown at a rate nearly three times higher than first world people whereas it's been reported that 60 First world americans can swim and up to 80 could save themselves if they had to I should talk I can barely swim myself. That isn't to say I couldn't save myself if I was in trouble But just don't ask me to save you if you're drowning right next to me because guess what? You're going down and i'm not now as for some of the statistics on drowning in latin america Turns out the vast majority of drownings occur on the pacific ocean side the water's murkier There are more undercurrents and unlike the atlantic and caribbean side

[22:18] The water tends to drop off fast and deep Which is why if you're going to have a beach house and plan on going into the ocean It's always a better bet on the atlantic and or caribbean side However, the trade-off there is on the caribbean side you get those nasty hurricanes Yeah, you get them on the pacific side too But since the winds generally move from east to west That means on the latin american pacific coasts the hurricanes or typhoons, whatever you want to call them are quickly forced out into the ocean It's the same reason why so many hurricanes hit land on the atlantic and caribbean side I know for you climatologists, that's a vast oversimplification, but you know i'm a simple guy A while back I was talking about brazil and how inflation's taken over there

[23:06] Big taxes are doubling the cost of most imported retail items like TVs computers iphones washing machines cars, etc And that crime is epidemic in the medium in large sized cities In fact, some of you listeners must remember about a year and a half ago. Now. It was all over the news at least down here Anyway, I don't know about the first world where they caught a guy on camera in broad daylight Robbing a drug store and as he walked out with the loot and into the street A guy jumped out of a passing car grabbed the thief's loot and took off with it So it was a double robbery within about I don't know 30 seconds now that youtube video went viral, but it's not unusual Not in the big cities in brazil. However, there's one quasi legit business. That's booming in brazil sex tourism

[23:56] Now according to one of brazil's biggest daily newspapers. Oh globo There are now more than 4 000 internet sites promoting sex tourism Now here's a little sample on how these sites advertise their services This comes directly from one of the sites says our young ladies are not only sex goddesses They'll also act as beautiful drivers and tour guides interpreters dance partners and virtual business associates Hmm, whatever that means then it says brazil's minister of tourism Assures that these internet sites are being watched by the federal police And though the minister says they have no way of quantifying the number of people taking part in these sex tourism programs Their main focus he says is to take action when minors are involved

[24:45] Admitting that since brazil receives over 6 million tourists a year They have not the personnel the force the money the equipment etc to investigate even a small fraction of these sites In other words, they have almost zero priority with law enforcement By the way the countries in latin america with the most sexual tourism would be brazil, costa rica panama and argentina Now it's little known that one of the biggest sex tourism capitals in south america is buenos ayres According to a recent article on the subject and i'll translate this it says women and girls often end up being trafficked in argentina They come from the countryside lured by false pretenses into jobs in buenos ares the most modern and Cosmopolitan city in south america international human rights groups say the argentine government has long looked the other way

[25:36] Or even acted as an accomplice in the sex trafficking business Said one high level government spokesman many poor rural girls are tricked into sexual slavery lured by false offers of work a girl for example from misiones a poor argentine province Answered an ad in the newspaper for a nanny in buenos ares They paid for a ticket and when she arrived she found it was a front for a brothel She was held as a sex slave in the very middle of one of the nicest buenos ares suburbs Then the article says some officials mainly in the provinces that would be the boonies including police officers legislators and mayors protect brothels where sex trafficking goes on judges receive bribes from traffickers and then

[26:24] purposely failed to investigate cases and complaints from local sources are often dropped Now buenos ares is considered the paris or new york of south america It's also one of the largest cities in the world With around 16 million people and very european in style and culture However, it's expensive and government's gone wild with big brother somewhat out of control as you'll hear in a second Try to figure this one out Believe it or not in the province of santa fe argentina. The government produces its own generic pharmaceuticals Jeez, not even the us government produces their own drugs, but let's not give many ideas, huh? Anyway, the argentine government health safety and sanitation department have announced that for the 30 year running

[27:14] The government will distribute 200 000 sildenafil pills free of charge to the public a measure That should eliminate the abuse and or misuse of the drug. Otherwise known as viagra Yep viagra say what? South of the border This is the expat files living in latin america If you want me to help you out with your own plan b just schedule a one-on-one consult Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to learn how to move forward with your own plan b from right up there in the states Go to www.expatplanb.com and check out my three videos. See ya nos vemos