#652 – Episode 652: Jealousy, Culture, and Relationships in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border, down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wander Hello there all you expat wannabes I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Now if you remember the last show we're talking about mating dating love and romance here in Latin America And I stated more than once that I don't want to turn this show into a lonely hearts club and Landers or Anna Landeres

[00:45] Love and relationship forum, but I have to tell you one out of four That's 25% of all the emails I get have to do with the trials and tribulations of the heart Regarding gringos and latinas and gringas and latinos, so it's impossible to ignore the subject I'm last show I promised I'd talk about a very serious subject here in Latin America. Sometimes. It's actually deadly dangerous Jealousy and to explain that phenomena and finish it off once and for all I'm gonna read you something about jealousy right now We move all doubt that this subject just can't be taken lightly In fact crimes of passion which are directly related to jealousy are so Epidemic here in Latin America that you see him on TV and in the news in the press all the time

[01:34] In fact, I don't think if day has gone by what I haven't picked up a local latin newspaper to wherever I am in Latin America and I haven't seen where some guys bumped off his wife or his girlfriend or his mistress or both and the culprit extreme Jealousy, of course and the men yes They'll get violent and the women they might try but they don't have the force usually to cause great damage Sure, the ladies will hit and throw things scream and scratch and inflict physical pain But it's almost always the guy Generally a boozed-up guy who sends the offending party or parties to the hospital or the morgue So needless to say you don't want to get in the middle of a love triangle So before we get into the dirt and the real nitty-gritty love romance and jealousy stories here I want to remind you that my July 2017 expat insider seminar is open for registrations

[02:19] Just go to www.thenewexpat.com and click on Johnny's 2017 seminar link and while there you'll also find out about those fabulous John Galt pre and post seminar trips and info on how to kill two birds with one stone that is when you're down for the seminar getting your plan B into full swing by Starting the process of permanent or temporary residency in Guatemala still one of if not the easiest Latin American country to qualify for residency So again, this seminar will be in and around Guatemala 90% of the time way off the gringo tourist rail Just where I like it. Oh and don't forget if you can't get boots on the ground just yet You really need my expat essentials course It's the best way to get your plan B ducks lined up short of coming down here yourself

[03:05] Just go to expatplanb.com and check out the free videos now you might remember a story I told a long time ago Maybe I'm dreaming and I didn't tell it to you at all But the gist of it was a friend of mine a German who owned a nice little factory here in Latin America And one of his beautiful young worker girls took a fancy to him and he being the perfect straight-up German gentleman By the way, he's around 35 years old at the time. She was probably 20 He remained a hundred percent neutral boss like and professional and did not encourage it at all Then real trouble started and the way he figures it She must have gotten into some kind of fight with her local Latin boyfriend She mentioned that she had eyes for and was flirting with her German boss And the next thing he knew someone had torched his little factory and it was one of those fabric and textile Michaela's

[03:56] So it really went up in smoke. So how'd they find out the guy did it? Well, he had surveillance cameras in and out. So let's just say they got the goods on so jealousy won the day and he Suffered the damages that said let's put to rest that whole theme of Latin jealousy right now or maybe not Let me first start out with some words of wisdom from expat Eddie who's about to be married to a Salvadorian runway model with lots of beautiful female genes throughout the family and Being in that situation Eddie says I found out Johnny a long time ago when her young unattached female relatives around I'd better not make eye contact for more than two seconds or I'm in trouble He says with all those beautiful cousins sisters and shoestring relatives at those family gatherings and there's always family gatherings

[04:42] How do you not make eye contact when some beautiful girls talking to you bottom line when you leave the party? Expect their third degree. So let's talk jealousy, of course we gringos get jealous, but it's just not much of an issue Really most of us I think can count on our fingers of one hand How many times we've exploded in a jealous rage or went through the mental process We've been thinking about punching a guy out for us gringos That would pretty much be high school stuff, right? And even if your girlfriend or wife brought it on because she was a terrible flirt You wouldn't think a backhand in her that would be instant jail time up in the States So of course up in the States there is jealousy, but it's not genetic like it is down here, man I must have discussed that with gringos a hundred times Some people blame the climate the culture or simply that Latin hot blood but we experts down here

[05:32] Well, maybe I shouldn't call myself an expert know who the real culprits are. Those are the Latin American macho men Their constant philandering has had the result of kind of pre-programming Latin ladies by putting them on constant code red off the charts jealousy alert now I've seen many a Latina in full jealousy mode. Some might say they resemble near psychotic episodes one minute You're sitting there enjoying a nice dinner with a charming and gracious young woman the next minute You're under a full-scale attack and you're sitting there thinking what the hell happened? Who is this person now like Eddie says and he should know he's been out with dozens of Latins in his 15 or so years Here he says Latinas are also experts at the art of the silent burn

[06:19] He says if your girlfriend or better half doesn't want to go ballistic in public She just might stare at you like he says Latinas have an uncanny ability to lower the temperature of a room 20 degrees with a look and believe me nothing you can say the rest of the night will remove that cloud Hey, I've been there almost all of us long-term gringos have and you know what if you ask why she's all been out of shape She won't respond at first and eventually she just might mutter something like this under her breath and give you those eyes two savas two savas Which means you know why and you probably won't and that's when things get tricky Oh and expected he said this has happened too many times He says if a Latin lady's jealousy fit comes upon her while you're driving in the car

[07:06] Like for example, you're at a stoplight and a girl in a miniskirt passes the road Right in front of everyone's eyes She'll work herself into such a state of craziness that sometimes she'll jump out of the car and head off down the street However, Eddie says not to worry. It's all part of the show She's actually waiting for you to chase after and he says do play along and by all means get out and bring her back before She gets mugged because she'll jump out in a very high-end area or a dangerous slum She'll get out slam the door and wiggle away in her high heels and miniskirt. Hey, you know when you're not involved It's always fun to watch. Oh, yeah, I've seen it a number of times Fridays and Saturday nights and clubs and disco parking lots a lot of jealous rages and fights when girls are all dressed up to the teas and out for a night of dinner and dancing as

[07:53] Are thousands of other decked out Latinas and their macho Latin boyfriends have had one or two tequila's too many And it really has nothing to do with social class either You see it at the lowest social level and the entitled young adult children of the rich In fact those young adults who go to private helicopter universities can be the worst Always comparing and sizing up who's got the best and most expensive designer clothes and bling and who's been to disney and my jammy lately Who's got the biggest suv and the tallest bodyguards? However, thank god that only exists in a miniscule percentage of the population down here Anyway, now like eddie says when you find yourself in the midst of one of those emotional firestorms You should first forget about using logic

[08:38] That's for rational people, you know when your latin girlfriend or boyfriend gets pissed off. There's no excuse to offer no matter how plausible Like eddie says it's just better to batten down the hatches and weather out the storm Thankfully those latin jealousy rages whether it's latin guys or latin girls, they pass incredibly quickly But no doubt you'll be apologizing a long time for something. You didn't even know you did now Like I said i've been in many discussions with long-term gringos and gringas and there seems to be a consensus that latinas and latinos Need these dramatic episodes which aren't really serious in most cases Except to show how much that really is part of the latin love dating and mating relationship And I think I mentioned this in a past show down here

[09:25] If there aren't a few jealous rages and episodes once in a while Well for latin's that just wouldn't be normal the way they figure it He or she wouldn't be wasting the tears and the energy if they didn't really like or love you At least that's the explanation I've heard over and over from both latin and latinas Bottom line if there's not the occasional blow up and jealous rage latin's believe the love is gone So in their book somehow jealousy and rage are intricately entwined with the love equation So again as for duration once a lady or a guy is pissed off You can bet they'll stay pissed off for at least a few hours or the rest of the night But that's it now us gringas and gringos seem to have a short refractory period too If we do get jealous or pissed off, we just don't hold the grudge for too long

[10:12] I don't know about you, but that's the way I am most gringos and gringas. I know Don't have those episodes much. But when we do we get over them fast But note a small percentage of latinos and latinas can stay mad for weeks at a stretch and still somehow The relationship will persist. It's some odd equation. I think it's directly proportional to how many times With latinas at least her old boyfriend or boyfriends cheated on her Multiplied by how much her dad cheated on her mom divided by how often her brother cheats on his present girlfriend Multiplied by the amount of time a latin guy or gal spends in a chicken bus each day Got that i'm sure if einstein was alive he could figure it out Maybe now whether you're a gringo or a gringo down here dating a latino or latina

[10:59] At first a blow up like that might seem like your partners go in berserk The latino or latina you're with is truly bipolar or just insane Now there are ways to handle it and ways not to handle it because latin guys And latin gals are noted for hitting and slapping each other Now when you mention that the first world gringos who were brought up in first world societies with first world norms They're shocked sometimes but be forewarned when an argument escalates ladies. You just might get whacked No, not in the tony soprano sense But that's why you must always strive to keep the jealousy thing. Just simmering Not throw fuel on the fire and definitely don't bring it to a full boil But you know experience down here is showing us that there are certain provoking circumstances that can if left unattended

[11:49] Will lead to an explosion and you'll regret it Actually, I mean you'll both regret it. In fact a friend of mine a latino emergency room doctor once told me Certain friday and saturday nights, especially when there's what they call a Ferialo or a holiday like eastern christmas independence day and a few others There's a predictable flow of duted out guys and their girls in miniskirts parading through the waiting room with what you might call superficial facial trauma mixed with a few stale tears and my doctor friend says Why is it that ladies in their nosebleed high heels always seem to pick friday and saturday night to lose their balance and crash and burn? That said how do us gringos and gringas with latin partners tiptoe through that minefield?

[12:36] Well, first of all, you could try to avoid those jealousy tantrum triggers There are some triggers, you know, like for example the trigger that some gringos call the ghost of lovers past Now you might be free to talk about your exes with your partners up in the states But bringing an ex up down here with your latin boyfriend or girlfriend is the kiss of death That means don't keep photos of an ex-wife ex-husband old girlfriend boyfriend, you drawer room wallet, wherever Lands are nosy and eventually he or she will find that stuff and you'll pay dearly Come to think of it. Don't leave any past remembrance of old babes or boyfriends around that means no gifts cards letters emails Refrigerator magnets just dump that stuff and your life will be a lot easier Now expat eddie says it's even wise to quickly ditch the photo of the smiling guy or girl that came

[13:26] Premounted in the picture frame. He just bought at walmart In fact eddie says in the midst of an argument one of his old girlfriends once pointed to the girl that came with the frame She said eddie. Why do you keep that girl's picture? Are you infatuated with her or something? Eddie knew she was just baiting him and any answer he would give would lead to another argument But anyone who knows eddie realizes he was just too lazy to take the picture out Oh and eddie says guys if you have a little black book ditch it because if she finds it she'll torch it Most likely when it's still in your pocket Oh and eddie says try to avoid any references at all to ex lovers Matter how incidental for example don't say something like wow this food tastes a lot like the sardines I had in portugal Well, you know if you say something open-ended like that your girlfriend or boyfriends likely to come back with something like

[14:16] Portugal, huh? Who were you there with? And you know any kind of answer at all is a one-way ticket to a night in the doghouse Now note that latinos and latinas when they get mad may forget every bit of english they ever learned But they'll never forget a single word you said about your ex And they'll probe so it's best to pretend like your past is a clean slate. In other words, you never had one Except for mom dad good old grandma and your brothers and sisters So for example, if your latin boyfriend or girlfriend says she likes your shirt or sweater Don't ever tell her or he that it's a gift from an ex Say it was a birthday present from your mom and your sister and don't hesitate when you give that answer Oh and look out for potential problems if you get any kind of phone calls

[15:05] In the case of gringos a call from a girl and a case of gringas a call from a guy unless of course It's obviously from an old person like your grandma or your mother That means totally innocent calls from your sister your lawyer's secretary any female voice at all Even a cold call from the horoscope hotline will be met with skeptical looks and various degrees of hostility Now I expect eddie says that certain latinas that he's dated have the uncanny ability to pick up another Woman's voice on the phone from several rooms away So just know your latino boyfriend or girlfriend have got their antenna up every time you answer the phone Oh and the corollary to this is eddie says Never lower your voice when talking on the phone or inadvertently walk away With phone in hand out of earshot or into another room like we're all prone to do

[15:54] 90 says if you pull that one even if you're ordering a pizza from dominoes You'll think you're working out something with the dominoes girl on the phone and you just might be wearing that deep dish pizza around your neck Now, you know another long-term gringle friend of both mine and eddie's once made the remark He said in the states, you know a friendly nod wink or smile to the waitress clerk bank teller Whatever greases the skids and helps ensure good service, right? But in latin america those neighborly gestures just might lay the groundwork for a miserable night in the dog house or worse Which is why eddie says you should always have a fully equipped guest room Not for guests, but for you when you're occasionally locked out of the master bedroom I'm not kidding you this stuff really happened Anyway, this gringle friend of ours said the most innocent meeting and greeting of people like they do in the states

[16:45] Got him into some very deep doo-doo with his own latina girlfriend So after that he said he had to be on guard when asking for street directions time a day Location of the nearest atm that kind of stuff He said if I have to ask for directions on the street I always ask a guy or an old lady with a withered armor skin cancer Then you know, you're safe and most of all he said I have to watch out when i'm introduced to other girls Especially attractive ones. I learned a long time ago He says not to act the least bit enthused. I don't smile. I don't cock an eyebrow Don't wink or half wink. In fact, I don't even look her in the eye for more than two seconds And he says if I do happen to meet a beauty queen or another runway model. I just think of something revolting like hillary

[17:30] So here's a tip for both gringos and gringas going out with latinos or latinas If you're the upbeat effervescent type and it's your custom to crack a warm smile for everyone You meet get used to being in the doghouse because you're going to spend a lot of time there Again, like expedity says have that fully outfitted and made up guest room ready All right So i'm going through my long list of emails from gringos and expats chiming in about their relationships here in latin america These emails are from gringas and gringos who have dated are dating or are even married to latinos and latinas They have a lot of tips and cautions and warnings such as this George from pennsylvania now living in honduras He says johnny latinas are very curious and are good at prying out information out of dumb gringos like us

[18:21] Your girlfriend will be terribly inquisitive about your past So watch your step try not to give her any ammo because she will use it against you in the future I guarantee it. He says don't think she won't understand your english either A latina might not know how many courts there are in a gallon But they have elephant memories when it comes to birthdays phone numbers your sorted past the price of shoes and Heaven forbid if their period is late So for both gringo guys and gals when you're going out with a latina or latino when quizzed about your past Do try to talk in generalities with an occasional platitude thrown in better She or he thinks you're boring than a philanderer. Don't be smug and thinking about fox her or him With simple logic or a grand convoluted tale because sometimes you see the more you talk through a thing

[19:12] The more reason they have to be jealous because they'll just keep probing now johnny I'm giving some good advice here But I know it's virtually impossible to follow in practice and so many of us gringos here in latin america Love bragging and talking about ourselves At least when we run into other gringos and expats and they want to hear our stories Which by the way johnny is another reason why your advice to live way off the gringo tourist trail is very good advice because You don't have to bond and be instant good buddies with every gringo that you meet That can get old pretty fast and sometimes the gringos you meet you just don't want to share your stories with or hang with Hmm boy. He's got that right Then I got this email from a gringo who's been down here a couple of years He's divorced and has some kids back in the states. He says johnny regarding latinos and latinas

[20:01] And love and mating and dating and all that we parents all love to talk and brag about our kids We see them through rose colored glasses and think they're geniuses And everyone else is just as interested in every perfectly formed doodoo as we are. Well wrong johnny Though your girlfriend here in latin america or boyfriend probably loves kids as much or more as you do don't push that soft spot too far Your kids aren't hers or his and they're gonna get bored of hearing about your kids real fast if you keep yapping about them and they can easily become a sore point with your new latino or latino girlfriend or boyfriend after all Your own rugrats are part of a past life with some other woman or guy which triggers that whole jealousy syndrome again, of course

[20:47] He or she'll try to get you babbling about your kids because they'll want to know every little thing about you But don't bite on that one too hard. It happened to me and well, I know better now Oh, and how about this one from kevin living in brazil with his brazilian wife. He says Johnny, you know here in latin america. We're on manana time. It's not fixed, but indefinitely flexible That's what it means It's the only society in the world where everyone has watched but it's only a fashion statement No one has the faintest idea of how long an hour really is Except when the soap operas are on latins are notoriously late for appointments and your latin girlfriend or boyfriend will be no exception Don't be surprised if you're kept waiting an hour or even two for a date But know this their own disregard of time does not apply to you because you're a gringo or gringo

[21:37] Now we all know the easiest way to piss off any lady anywhere in the world is to keep her waiting Well in latin america this universal problem is Compounded as for gringos like me if I keep my girlfriend waiting She'll be pissed off and jealous too even when a man leaves a latina waiting by Performing a necessary service like pumping gas paying a bill going to the bank. The clock is running on you Though not on her get used to it your girlfriend or boyfriend is gonna time study your butt Remember you're the gringo. You're always expected to be on time Now in my case, I found if I take longer than my girlfriend deems is necessary for the errand required She'll assume you're scoping out other girls and boom

[22:25] She just might flip into that raging jealousy mode In fact, I know it's about to click in and I have to head it off at the pass when I return from walmart or costco Or some other place and she comes right out and asks me if there are any pretty girls or models or eddy cons in the store Meaning, you know the lady said give out those free samples and those skin tight outfits As you can see she set the trap and the next few words out of your mouth will determine How good or bad the rest of your day is going to be now. Leslie says that's a gringo living in ecuador Johnny, you know talking about latin jealousy It goes without saying that you'll pay a high price for even talking in your sleep Like I do i'm not kidding Sure, you have no control over it, but as illogical as it sounds Beware of unconsciously saying the name or heaven forbid singing the praises of some mediocre guy you did in the past

[23:19] Or even a great looking one your dream kind of constructed for you But even more illogical is that you must be aware that if your boyfriend has a bad dream himself It can turn into your nightmare. Yes. I'm talking about gringo ladies here It's true your new latin boyfriend might get pissed about the selfish and cruel things you did to him in his dream In other words, don't bother trying to explain to him that you really didn't do a weightless threesome in the international space station in his dream Anyway, if you're talking your sleep like I do you just might get stuck in this psychic quick stand like I did And you're just as screwed as if it was the real thing And nope shrinks won't help. That's the first world thing johnny. You know that All right. Here's one in my pile from Lawrence. He says johnny

[24:05] He's in panama city the easiest way to tick off your latin wife or girlfriend promise She'll phone her at a given time and forget to comply So we forget we're guys and the more time that passes the more She'll feel him in that jealousy gene will kick in with a vengeance And related to this situation is when she tries to call you and you don't answer for whatever reason Maybe no signal phone off no battery in her mind. You're off doing something with another girl Remember you're a gringo and most latinas want to have a gringo boyfriend or husband It's part of what you call that gringo advantage johnny So if she calls and you don't pick up right away No matter how loyal and faithful you are she begins to think the worst. Oh, and how about this little excerpt from gary's email? He's in guatemala. He says johnny as a rule

[24:52] I believe that latinas suffer from add and I don't mean the kind of add that half the kids in the us Take ritalin for though. I wish there was a pill for it. The add i'm talking about here is an attention deficit on your part The gringo's part. Let's face it johnny if there's one word I can use to describe all the latin girlfriends i've ever had the word clingy Clingy and get this it's your fault that your girlfriend feels neglected and unloved If you really loved her you'd cling to her too and give her your undivided detention at all times You'd quit your job. You'd have a permanent love nest and shower her with bonbons and kisses 24 seven And every night you'd cuddle in front of the tv with her and watch her favorite soap operas and trashy e entertainment shows too

[25:39] Where's yet you'll have to listen to the putrid ragaton music playing in the background all the time What i'm saying is johnny latinas and latinos may be great persons, but they're also tremendous gluttons for attention They hate it When we're not with an ultra close proximity to them and equate public displays of affection with romantic love It's the old hot latina versus the cold gringo stereotype at work So do work on those public displays of affection and you might want to work on a few jealousy tantrums of your own Because you see if you're not occasionally jealous, they'll think your love is fading By the way johnny if you read this on the year I can just imagine what love-lorn gringos and gringas are thinking up in the states right now They're thinking if I ever get my very own hot young latina or latina, I won't blow it

[26:28] I'll never give him or her a reason to be jealous I'll give them nothing but my undivided attention and i'll treat her or him like a king or queen Well that may be true, but you'll also need an iron will Especially when you're off the gringo tourist trail and if you're a girl Every single latin guy is gonna give you the eye or try to hit on you. And if you're a guy well You'll get some of that from the ladies too Though they'll be much more subtle than the guys But just remember if you do have a latin girlfriend or a boyfriend If you give the slightest recognition or response in body language or eye contact to anyone else look out It will be hard not to respond You know Especially if you're a guy like me who doesn't look like brad pitten therefore didn't get much attention from the ladies up in the states

[27:15] I warn you just the slightest response And believe me the poop storm will come a howling you've been warned. Whoa, it's me johnny here How about that for the last word on latin jealousy? I guess there's not much left to say This is the expat files living in latin america If you want me to help you out with your own plan B Just schedule a one-on-one consult send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to learn how to move forward with your own plan B from right up there in the states go to www.expatplanb.com and check out my three videos. See ya nos vemos