#654 – Episode 654: Cultural Misconceptions, Sanitation, and Expat Life in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started You know, I get a lot of comments on my YouTube So I think I got 150 or so up there now And you know, sometimes people don't leave their names or their emails back most of the times They don't like for example this one lady writes from Panama She's a Latin of course because her English was pretty spotty help fill in the gaps

[00:50] She says you're wrong about Latins and their dogs We don't let them poop around the house Like you're always saying on your shows now that one made me laugh because it's true Not all Latins let their dogs poop around the house But I've been in more middle-class Latin houses where there's that evil stench of urine and dog poop When you sit down on the dirty sofa in the living room, and I'm telling you you live down here long enough And you make some local friends that's gonna happen to you But you know if you had any white trash friends or a trailer court buddies like I had when I was growing up You just get used to the fact when you walk into a kind of a rickety old home white trash trailer court or section 8 home There are on occasion Unpleasant smells that you hope are coming from dogs not human

[01:37] I mean come on no one likes to step in poop But why is it we much prefer to step in dog poop over human poop? And of course urine that's pretty unpleasant No one wants to deal with that, but we must prefer dog urine over human urine, too Don't we? Well of course it's your own kids I guess now I can tell you it's a fact they put undersized plumbing in most Latin middle and lower middle class homes Which means they're gonna put the used TP in the garbage can alongside the toilet yes for us It's highly revolting and we never get used to it, but for Latins It's just the everyday way of doing things so when you go into the average middle and lower middle class latin's bathroom You better make it quick because there will be that persistent outhouse smell Yeah It's something we gringos never get used to but obviously latin's grow up accustomed to that

[02:24] So you could say their noses are detuned to the fact that when you walk into their houses If they've got dogs or cats and some of them if not most of them do You'll pick up on it right away, and you don't mention that to the homeowners because they'd probably be insulted however I remember not so long ago. I was in Managua Nicaragua with a gringa lady friend and her kid who was around five or six It was their first time to Latin America We were visiting a middle-class Latin person's house and her kid Came out of the bathroom and said now it loud very loud as you know young kids are often Way too loud when they speak and he said this right in front of the family mom. I don't like that bathroom It's really stinky now normally that would have been a very embarrassing scene luckily

[03:09] For us the owners of the house didn't speak English yep kids can be brutally honest now That's not to say there aren't some low-class Dingy houses in the states that don't have pretty much the same gamey animalish aroma yep If your place isn't that clean and your animals aren't either well I guess you get used to it right an expat Eddie will vouch for me on that he comes from trailer trash himself And he's proud of it because like he says when you come from nothing It's no big stretch to go back there if you hit a rough patch and find a comfort zone again if you have to however Eddie's also right when he points out if you're born into a family that had things and never had to struggle Hitting a rough patch or going backwards economically takes a much bigger toll Which is why so many middle and upper middle-class Americans are on antidepressants

[03:55] In fact Eddie says all his relatives and friends who were basically lower middle class in the states He could call him white trash though They may be a little rough around the edges Eddie said they were pretty happy and content as a rule He said they know how to have fun without spending money, and he said it was a funny thing He went to a kind of a lower-class high school and no one ever Tried to commit suicide or slit the wrists or any such nonsense Meanwhile he said about 10 miles away It was an upper middle-class high school mostly entitled kids who would never mix with the kids from Eddie's high school And every once in a while you'd hear about a kid who tried to off himself or actually succeeded Wait a minute. Wait a minute. How did we digress from dog poop to suicide? Where were we? Oh, yeah

[04:42] It was a lady from Panama complaining that I was wrong about Latin people letting their dogs pee and poop in the house Well, I'm here to tell you in no way our Latin businesses houses yards garages cars You name it as clean or as well taken care of as the same kind of possessions up north It seems like in Latin America. There's kind of an accelerated entropy if you know what I mean They actually have a Spanish word for it down here. It's called disquidal, which means unkempt messy disordered However, if you notice in Latin neighborhoods and barrios up in the States the very same thing persists Migrating Latin seem to bring that entropy with them now occasionally down here. You'll hear Latin's dissing Trump You'll see it all the time on TV and in the media and once in a while you'll get in discussions with Latins

[05:31] And they'll tell you that Latins pay their taxes They're a positive force up in the States and have contributed much and you know what I tell them I say take a ride through the average Latin body up in the US where a lot of Spanish or mostly Spanish is spoken in Tell me what you see is a difference between that and the nearest traditional old-school neighborhood in one word Entropy they're disquidal oh up in the States, too they bring those bad habits with them like for example chronic littering and Transpose them back to their neighborhoods up in the States and after I point that out to a Latin person They always shrug and say yeah, but it's a cultural thing Oh, and I know this is so on PC to say but it's the same down here in Latin America Sure, these days there are plenty of gated guarded communities with beautiful gardens immaculate streets and yards and houses

[06:20] but that's because people who live in these communities can afford their own gardeners and maintenance men and cleaning ladies of course But remember as I said in past shows they have to be trained if you want them to really clean like you'd expect a person Who's full-time job was to be a full-time cleaning professional. Well again, I'm here to tell you I know wealthy Latin people who've got two full-time maids and their house still would never pass muster with a gringo And since I'm complaining here number one look at the switch plates on your house You know when you open a door and you're gonna turn on a light you hit the switch and there's a plastic plate around it Usually set in with two screws, right? I'm telling you right now 95 probably 98% of all the Latin households that have a full-time maid If you look closely you'll notice most plastic switch plates that get a lot of use and the paint

[07:11] Surrounding the switch plate can look just as stained and monged up as the switch plates on a white trash Trailer cord home in the states and I've seen quite a few of those too and you know, there's one other thing Well, there's a lot of things But here's one thing that bothers a lot of kind of finicky gringos and gringas They go into a Latin person's house could be an upper-middle class or wealthy Latin cells and they have nice stuff Quality furniture sofas and chairs covered with what they call tella Tella means fabric now furniture covered with fabric is not a good choice here in Latin America Especially light colored fabric, which Latin's seem to love and I'll tell you down here light colored fabric does not stay light colored for long And why Latin's just love whites and beiges and off-whites for their furniture. I'll never know

[07:57] I mean, they've got their kids who are always sucking on sodas and ice creams and junk food and dogs always jumping up on the Furniture man, just not a very intelligent purchase So it looks nice new but what happens within a couple of months looks absolutely like the furniture in a white trash home up in The States. Yep, you could be nice and say grease grime and ground in spots of unknown origin believe me, it's better you don't know and of course since Latin's are extremely friendly nice and kind and Very obliging to gringos. In fact, you might be the only gringo that's ever been in that house They're gonna say sit down make yourself comfortable. Well, how are you gonna be comfortable? Sitting on a damp grimy spot of unknown origin. Are you okay with that? Well, especially you gringo ladies who are a lot more finicky about your clothes and outfits and appearance than us men are

[08:47] By the way, ladies, I don't know how you put up with us sometimes, but thanks for cutting a slack on that Now I can't tell you how many dozens if not hundreds of times This has happened to me and I've heard ladies complain to me many times I'm talking about gringas now once we get outside and head back towards the car They'll say something like Johnny They weren't nice and all that but did you see that grungy furniture and we sat on it? And then you plant your butt on your own car seat spread in the wealth you might say, huh? That's why so many gringos I know especially gringas when they get home from a day in the city or after visiting Latin friends They drop their drawers in a nice way and change immediately once they get in the house That's before they ever plunk their butt down anywhere kind of like the Japanese who have the right idea

[09:32] You know, you can't walk into their houses without first taking off your shoes Oh and here's one for you The other day I was talking to a gringa has been down here in Central America for five or six years now She just sold a car was about five years old. She bought it new unlike the average Latin She took beautiful care of it like so many first-world people do anyway She said surprise surprise she sold it to the very first person that came along She said, you know, Johnny was another case of the gringo advantage in action. They saw right away I was a gringo and assumed I take better care of things than the average Latin at least that's perception here She said what really got him hooked on the car was the fact that the seats were immaculate They just couldn't believe the car was five years old the seats look brand new because well Latin cars after about six months or a year

[10:19] Well, I don't have to draw a picture. Do I and the trick no trick She bought seat covers when she first got the car something Latin people never do unless they buy a really old junker That's got torn ripped seats and they have to cover them with something best 30 bucks She ever spent she said when she decided to sell a car She threw the seat covers away because the one on the passenger side was a mess She said hers on the driver's side was fine But the passenger side was a wreck why because she'd take the cleaning lady the maintenance guy The neighborhood kids back and forth to the mall the market doing errands So that seat cover had a mix of coca-cola crumbs cake stains ice cream coffee junk food sweat And who knows what now if you're the laid-back type and don't care about that stuff and you're thinking this

[11:08] Conversations a bit too anal fact is one of the comments most fresh green gringos and gringos make when they first get down here Is man, you know can't believe how dirty that kitchen is or the bathroom man? I'd never want to do my business there. Take me to a McDonald's However American first-world gringo and gringo backpackers They learned to ignore or accept that grungy stuff when they were backpacking around the world in their college years Funny how those gringo standards come tumbling down when you find out the rack rates only five bucks a night But the fact is if you never really roughed it in life or did the backpacker thing You will be put off by things you see in certain houses You're invited to but when it comes to your own house or apartment here in Latin America There's no doubt your place will be cleaner more airy and just a nicer place in general

[11:54] Then your Latin neighbors dump across the hall or next door And if you're in the same condo complex or building you'll have the same layout exactly It's all about the details though unless of course you're planning on scaling down and going native But few of us do that So noticing the details are lack thereof is part of your gringo advantage or disadvantage in some cases Which brings us right back around to Latins and their animals specifically dogs and they do love their dogs almost all Latin families with a house And any kind of a yard have one or two and you better believe ladies when you visit such a house You should be wearing long pants or jeans because the dogs gonna jump up say hi Paul you a little bit and when you sit down on that grungy spotted couch Chances are he's gonna jump up sit right next to you and don't get me wrong. I'm a dog lover

[12:42] I've had dogs all my life, but I've always been taught that there's a place for your dog And some American houses he's confined to the kitchen or maybe the laundry room and a small pet dog Well, he's got the general use of the floor, but never the furniture That's of course He's got his own specific piece of furniture that he's been trained to use like his particular chair or basket Whatever, but you know, that's a gringo thing Latins don't seem to have those rules or regulations for pets. They get the run of the house One of my worst pet peeves, however Sorry had to slip that in you Concerning Latin pet owners bad or clueless habits Is that Latins who live on the coast or in the lowlands in the very hot areas? They still managed to have long-haired dogs who are often just miserable in that climate

[13:30] Short-haired dogs on the other hand manage just fine not to mention we're talking about the tropics here where you have huge gardens A lot of overgrowth and even jungle and in my mind to own a long-haired dog Even up in the Altiplano where it's nice and cool and they get along just fine temperature-wise well Latins have their dogs in and out of the house all the time and they are forever picking up ticks and fleas and other insects Killing other critters dragging them in the house getting matted with burrs and bits from the jungle in the forest Not to mention Tracking through the bush and those big old backyard gardens and bringing that stuff into the house all stuck and matted into their fur Suffice it to say here in Latin America a short-haired dog is the way to go However, I know a lot of gringles and expats have a dog up in the states and when they get their plan be going

[14:19] They're gonna ship them down. Well, no problem there because being a gringo You probably got them all trained up and again he or she'll be perfectly fine living up in the Altiplano weather wise again We're talking about lush green overgrowth jungle beautiful gardens and lots and lots of bugs and critters like Lizards and iguanas for him to play with her deal with things He never had to screw with before Oh which brings me to a question I get from a lot of people who've never been to the Altiplano they say Johnny How much bug spray or other toxic chemicals do I have to spread on my body to survive there? Well, there are almost no mosquitoes in the Altiplano Why because they like steaming rivers jungles and lagoons at sea level, of course In fact, I'd be willing to bet your own neighborhood up north has more mosquitoes than mine does

[15:07] That's not to say there aren't irritating bugs and mosquitoes in the Altiplano But that's true only when you're near a river stream or body of water The fact is I probably only used insect repellent myself two weeks out of the last year And that of course is when I was hanging around the lowlands near beaches I practically never use bug spray or any of the sort when I'm up in the Altiplano So then what other bugs and critters are likely to get you? Well, they've got their own little varieties of bugs and critters up here You've never seen in the States and the most annoying are these tiny tiny little bugs that the locals call For a lack of a better term and no see them because you can't hardly see them They don't stink but they can bite But you'll only encounter them when you're near streams rivers and bodies of water

[15:54] And of course the bug spray will ward them off by the way, you can buy totally organic Non-toxic at least two humans bug spray down here made of all natural ingredients and stuff But you'll find as usual the typical toxic spray would deed in it is always the most effective and last the longest Of course, it's nasty stuff. It'll give you a three-headed kids or make you sterile, but you knew that already, right? But if you live in the Altiplano, you'll almost never need that stuff So is that what you had in mind for your plan B? Because you know the first couple of years I was down in Latin America. I didn't even know what the Altiplano was now I lived in San Jose kind of at the very lower limit of the Altiplano around 3,700 feet above sea level. So there were some pretty hot days, but it wasn't sweltering humidity like at the coast

[16:41] So eventually as you're traveling through Latin America landing at airports, you'll find most all Latin cities are comfortable at night But it's during the day when you'll notice whether you're in the Altiplano or not I could spend a lot of time explaining how great it is But you really have to experience it yourself and if you come down to my July 2017 expat insider seminar, you'll see just what the Altiplano is all about We'll be in the Altiplano exclusively and about 90% of the time way off the gringle tourist trail So you'll rarely see a gringo though. You will fly in with some and you'll see some at the airport You'll spot them right away They'll either be singing Kumbaya songs or they'll all have matching t-shirts from their organization and do check the eyes They rarely blink, you know, and you might see some first world political scumbags

[17:28] They're always coming in and out too because big Latin American cities are always holding Conferences and conventions at big four-star champagne hotels on your tax dollar, of course So if you hang around international airports enough You'll get to see firsthand how first world and third world fat ass political puss bags live like royalty on your tab But you knew that already So speaking of the Altiplano you're gonna see feel it and taste it if you come down to my expat insider seminar in July Yep, and you'll get a taste of the rainy season too that lasts about six months a year from May to October They call it the winter here And no, it's not raining all the time as depicted in many Hollywood movies south of the border You've seen it floods everywhere houses trees garbage floating down the main street. Nope. It's not like that

[18:18] Sure, it rains higher than you've ever seen it before up north But it's only for maybe two hours a day and sometimes not at all Usually starts by noon or one and it's over by three or four So it is somewhat predictable But not to worry It doesn't slow our seminar down a bit and where to get all the information and sign up details go to www.thenewexpat.com click on Johnny's 2017 seminar link and you'll see all you need to know Oh and once again people are asking if I can hook them up with a roommate You know you get a big one thousand dollar discount if you come down as two people or a couple sharing double occupancy Which has prompted some people who want to come down as a single To ask me if I could hook them up with a roommate and so each of them could share in that thousand dollar rebate or five

[19:06] It seems like with every single seminar. I've had I've hooked up a few pairs like that same for this seminar I've got people asking already So just know that if you are coming down as a single and don't mind sharing double occupancy with someone you don't know Of course, I'll give you emails to exchange so you can see if you're compatible Just let me know and I'll see if I can put it together I've always had success hooking up roommates so far by the way, no mixed genders, please that would complicate things Oh and remember we're on the early bird discount plan right now and that ends on June 1st then both the single and double occupancy price goes up by $500 So if you want to take advantage of that discount you have to sign up by June 1st Oh and don't forget if you sign up after the first week in June will be very difficult for you to take advantage of

[19:55] Killing two birds with one stone that is coming down to seminar and at the same time Applying for your permanent or temporary residency in Guatemala If you get the paperwork done up north and get your application in when you come down here to the seminar It saves you a trip down at a later date And lastly don't forget to add a few days on to the beginning or the end of your seminar trip To take one or both of those fabulous John Galt pre and post seminar trips Attendees have nothing but raves and kudos for them And finally if you're chugging along on that plan B and just can't get boots on the ground right now Don't forget to sign up for my expat essentials course at expat plan B comm Just go to the site and get my free three introduction videos for my eight hour course And speaking about chugging along on that plan B, you know every week

[20:43] I do personal phone consults with people in various stages of their plan B Everybody's different, you know, we've all got our own special circumstances So if you want to have a one-on-one half hour or hour long phone consult with me Be sure to send me an email at the expat files at gmail.com and I'll send you my in-depth plan B Questionnaire and while you're at it go to the new expat comm website and download that questionnaire I think we just put it up there. So go to Www.thenewexpat.com it'll help you organize yourself and get your ideas together before we talk now Where were we? Oh, yeah talking about dog and dog doo-doo. Yes We've already established that most Latins are not picky and they're not clean freaks That's not to say there aren't exceptions to the rule and funny enough when I do see a glaring example of Latin neatness

[21:33] I'll usually snap a photo for future reference for my seminar presentation in my youtube channel now Of course some years ago when first-world hotels arrived like the Marriott and the Clarion Suites and the Intercontinental and when first-world Franchises arrived like McDonald's Kentucky Fried Starbucks, whatever They're set up under the usual gringo playbook with gringo standards So you can expect first-world service cleanliness and order if not the main office in the states will pull the franchise Hey, that's part of investing in a franchise, right? You got to follow their rule book now Of course, there are many many pure latin homegrown franchises to almost none that you'll ever see up in the states because they just wouldn't survive They won't cut it up there. So, let me warn you even if you go to a famous food franchise here in Latin America

[22:22] You know one that's on the tip of the tongue of all Latins I'm talking about those popular local taco and chicken licking places don't expect to see the details order in cleanliness Us-based franchise which is also part of your gringo advantage in business, you know However, it's not much of an advantage if you're planning on eating at one of those places That's why my number one rule for gringos and gringas will come down asking where are some good local places to eat I say do this test yourself walk in stick your head in the kitchen Then walk into the public bathroom Then you'll instantly know if you want to sit down and eat or walk back out to your car But back to dog doo-doo, you know, I just don't get it with Latins Why don't they just take their puppies when they're very young and walk them out to a certain area of the yard and let

[23:09] If you keep doing that for a couple of days or weeks eventually that's the only place your dog's gonna want to do it But it seems that little exercise is above the ability of most Latins. Oh and another thing I can't tell you how many times I've been sitting at a Latin person's house and the dogs jumping up pawn on people walking through the door Sometimes I'll say a few words to the owner, especially if there's a gringo woman being pawed. I'll phrase it gently I'll say you know, it's easy to teach a dog not to jump up on people and the Latin person or owner will give me a look like really Or they'll just stare at me like I'm from another planet because some Latins really like the attention They get when they walk in the door the dogs all over him They like that though most often I give him this one little pointer that works every time

[23:57] next time your dog jumps up grab his two paws start dancing with him and Don't let go of those paws until he really starts resisting and fussing You see dogs hate it when someone's holding their paws and restricting their movement now You're not really hurting the dog at all You just put him in such a spot that he's uncomfortable and has no options All right, so he squeaks her wines a bit You let him go next time he tries it the same thing you grab his two paws and you start dancing with them around the room Until he squeaks and makes a noise again and repeat as necessary bottom line You'll find dogs like gringos don't like to dance and they'll only do it when forced into it Anyway, soon enough use it within a week. He'll never jump up on a person again Now, of course, you won't want to be doing that with an attack dog

[24:44] By the way, it's my opinion that having a dog is one of the best security measures you could have in your house But a little squeaky whiny dog. Well, that's good for telling you people are outside your windows I guess but I personally prefer a dog with a nice deep chest and a kind of a wolf Kind of bark, you know and as for dogs that are strictly trained to attack or be vigilant guards Well, maybe if you're using a dog to guard a business or a big warehouse or something But as far as I'm concerned I want my dog to be a pet and not be thinking always in the back of my mind when someone knocks the door He's got the potential to go for the guy's throat And if you're a way a lot traveling for days and weeks at a time who's gonna take care of him? Who's gonna feed him who's gonna pick up the doo-doo? Well, of course if you've got a decent-sized house in a big yard

[25:30] You're gonna have a garden and you're gonna have a gardener that comes in every day or a couple times a week He's one option to feed your dog or if you have a live-in cleaning lady like many of us have she'll be living in your house When you're gone, she'll be in her cuerto de servicio. That's servants quarters. I know I know sounds so pretentious Doesn't it and you'll be gone, but she'll be living in I mean, that's what she does. She's a living maid, right? So under those circumstances, no worry and if you live in an apartment and you're gonna be away for a while make an arrangement with the Maintenance guy or your neighbors or just board the dog at one of the local vets Yep, that's will do that here too But I suggest you do it with a vet that's kind of out of the city limits Then your dog will have a place to run if you do it with a vet that's in the city You can bet the dog will be stuck in a cage for days at a time

[26:18] By the way to board a dog down here usually cost something like ten bucks a day Another question comes up about dogs and cats and pets, etc Are there a lot of restrictions when you try to rent a place? Are there many places that just won't accept pets? Well, yes, some apartments and apartment complexes have restrictions But most people will find money talks and if you tell the landlord you'll give an extra Let's say 25 bucks a month that often greases the skids nicely However be forewarned just like in any neighborhood if you have a noisy barking dog neighbors will get pissed And you know you want to be friends with your neighbors And finally I still get those security questions from gringles and expects saying look if you have a dog and someone wants to rob your house Or whatever aren't they just gonna throw some poison over the fence kill your dog and come in well

[27:06] You know what? I heard that story a million times ever since I got down here over 25 years ago now And never not once have I ever personally heard of an incident where a dog's been killed that way Not even a rumor from a friend of a friend, however I've been at people's houses and at get-togethers where I've heard dogs barking next door down the block And I've heard Latins in the room say someday. I'm gonna kill that dog You know I heard that when I was back in the States too, but I've never seen those threats carried out This is the expat files living in Latin America If you want me to help you out with your own plan B Just schedule a one-on-one consult send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to learn how to move forward with your own plan B from right up there in the States go to

[27:51] www.xpatplanb.com and check out my three videos. See ya nos vemos