#662 – The Expat Files: Life, Risks, and Realities in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border, down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play And now that I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live, work, play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good, the bad, the ugly and the great And it's all right here so let's get started Alright back in the saddle again after being away from my normal digs Where I do the show for about 3 weeks now As they say I had put a bunch of shows in the can So they did come out on time didn't they?

[00:45] Well who knows I don't keep track of that stuff Maybe I should, you know After I do a show I never listen to it again Unless someone calls to my attention some really stupid thing I might have said Well you get what you pay for right? So I was chauffeuring some first time gringo expat wannabes around last week or so One of them never south of Cancun, the other one never south of Tijuana before You know what that means don't you? That means every couple of hours thereafter they sent messages back to their loved ones Back in the states saying that they hadn't been robbed, tortured, extorted, beheaded Or relieved of any saleable vital organs as of yet These were red bladed American guys so they claimed they weren't worried

[01:30] It was just the womenfolk back home They were the ones that were overly nervous about that little trip That's what these two guys kept telling me anyway So how'd it turn out? Well in the end they were so absolutely amazed at what they saw By the time the little trip ended they were in full calculator mode Yep like Jethro Bodine they were a cypher in a way Figuring out how much money they were going to invest in a permanent home site or land Or a business here in Latin America Now how about that for some fresh green gringos who'd never touched down south of Mexico before Now amongst the very cool things they got involved with and witnessed There was an incident that I think you were going to get a real kick out of They'd only been down a few days and it was luck that it happened to them And if you're down long enough it's going to happen to you

[02:17] You know how I'm always talking about the narco trade here in Latin America Well first let's get a couple things straight It's not like there's vast pot, opium and coca fields in Central America That would be South America Sure there's a lot of that going on in Mexico but in the rest of Central America Not all that much But it is a corridor for the drugs coming from South America Argentina, Colombia, Peru, Bolivia Most all of it comes in by boat or air There are vast stretches of jungle in Central America So there are many clandestine ports and airstrips So planes or even boats will come in from South America A part of their stuff, sort it out To whatever cartel it's going to then they'll bring it into the States Almost always through Mexico

[03:03] You know the drill Or maybe you don't That just means if you go across the border with three joints or a gram of coke You get busted and go to jail for ten years Meanwhile the truck behind you has a thousand kilos and gets through just fine How did that happen? Alright so let me tell you what I've noticed after being down here so many years I've noticed that the narcos love to drive Tahoes and Suburbans Black ones You know with the heavily I'm talking heavily polarized black tinted windows Because you know you can have any tint you want down here unlike up in the States Dead black if you want and no one will stop you In fact you don't have to be a narco down here to do that Everybody seems to tint their windows very dark Some cops will say it's recommended because that way no one can see into the car And therefore if some young fufu rufu rich girl with all her bling is driving the car

[03:52] No one's going to know that Good guys or bad guys So what about the bad guys? Well the other day I was in a very upscale restaurant A restaurant where the average latin will never go Because you know the plate started about ten to twelve bucks That sort of cuts out eighty percent of latin american population Who think a big date night is going out to Wendy's, McDonald's or Taco Bell Not kidding In other words almost all the people who go to this restaurant come by car not chicken bus Anyway I took these two visiting gringos I was talking about You know they're really green horned gringos Tests in the waters of course as ex pet wannabes And who better to show them around than me right? Ha ha People do contract me to do that sometimes you know Anyway as we're getting close to the front door

[04:39] Parking's a premium there It's in the big city, a real big city And there's a private parking lot which seems always to be full And street parking Which is no problem because upscale restaurants always have a bunch of little guys Running around on the payroll Helping you to park your car and get in and out of tight spots and such By the way I always advise you to park in a public gated guarded lot But if you're going to an upscale restaurant or an upscale mall And the parking lot's full They'll almost always have little guys on the payroll not scabs Helping you get in and out of tight spots with your car and watching your car too So when you see little guys on the street with matching uniforms Waving their arms Helping you to maneuver and park then it's fine to park on the street But where were we? Oh yeah

[05:25] And what did I see right in front of the place but three black Suburbans Jet black windows of course And to me that can only mean one thing There's an important narco eating at that restaurant Or an important thieving scumbag pus brained politician eating at that restaurant Because it's true 95% of all the people who own Tahoes and Suburbans here in Latin America Black ones or real dark colored ones that is Are narcos or pretentious, thieving, maggotists If that's a word Politicians And when you see Suburbans and Tahoes of other colors Brown, white, gray, whatever Generally They're generally owned by wealthy fat latin guys Who require cars like that to handle their girth

[06:10] You know there's a huge obesity epidemic down here And unlike up in America where there certainly is an obesity epidemic The thing is The upper classes in the states with a lot of dough are much more educated Than latins with a lot of dough So they eat better and go to the health club and such Bottom line, down here the obesity epidemic cuts through all classes Whereas up in the states it seems to be the lower and middle classes that are hit the hardest That said, poor wealthy latins with bad health habits Those big old American tanks come in handy But I digress as usual What was that? Oh yeah Well I just knew when we went into that restaurant We were either going to see a couple of narcos Or some pus brained politician Neither of which I care to be around at all

[06:55] But if I had my druthers I'd rather be around the narcos because at least they've got real jobs I mean you know let's face it It is supply and demand And they're supplying a product that a lot of people want So anyway we walked in Sat at a corner table Looked around and sure enough There were four Think about it now Four 100% cosmetically enhanced Slightly over the hill beauty queens And I could tell While they were talking I could hear them That they were from Venezuela You know you're down here long enough You can actually start picking out accents That's when you know your Spanish is pretty good Just like gringles from the states Can pick out Texans From Okies From New Yorkers From talentless LA rappers With 12-word vocabularies Anyway sitting next to these

[07:43] Four top-heavy big bottom beauties Were three of the shortest Ugliest Classless butterballs you ever saw Obviously I knew they were narcos And of course the difference Between narcos and pus bag politicians is that The politicians are a bit more tailored and low-key No bling, gold chains and stuff Because they tried to copy First world politicians in their dress Black shoes Dark conservative suits and all The only flash is The colors and the silk tie I said no bling But they always seem to wear Insanely expensive watches That usually cost more Than a year's worth of their salary Hmm, how's that happen? So there we were Sitting right next to an entourage Of heavy-hitting narcos Was I scared? Were the green gringos

[08:29] Who were sitting with me scared? Well not at all In fact they said it was kind of exciting Those short ugly fat guys With the spectacularly enhanced women Were on their best behavior Trying to blend in with people They wanted to hang with or be like Now with narcos in the house I told my friends Please don't stare So I gave them the word And they cut that out in a hurry But they pumped me They were extremely curious I mean who do you know Up in the States Who's ever got to sit Right next to the table Of a bunch of high-end narcos And their overly enhanced Barbie dolls So I discreetly told them What I could And what I knew about those types For example Guys like this Were at the very high end And thus didn't carry guns

[09:14] Spent a ton of money on clothes and bling But yet had no class or taste So they sort of looked like They just got outfitted at it The Elvis Presley Short and fat man's White trash Or as Expeditty says Brown trash Clothing Emporium And the girls of course Are from another Latin country Because you see It's especially embarrassing If anyone they actually knew Family member Friend Old school chum Ever happened to see him out With these kind of guys You see Latins catch on really quick To that kind of scenario Which for some beautiful women Born in poverty is just fine As long as The friends and family back home Never get a chance to find out Which is why so many Latin girls Go to another Latin country To play that game Same with the prostitute business Here in Latin America

[10:00] And you know Prostitution is legal In almost all Latin countries Down here they're called Nightclubs Or Clubs de nocturno And you see A country like Venezuela Will import girls from Panama Or Colombia To work in those clubs And Club owners from Panama Will import Colombians In Venezuelans Because the girls are Way too embarrassed That their uncles Or brothers Or even dads Will come in And see them dancing And you know It's not just dancing there Though it is true Just like in the TV Cop series In the states And in the movies A lot of people Men that is Will go to the strip clubs Up in the states anyway Just to have a drink And do business In that kind of atmosphere However up in the states In those clubs The most that's legal Is a lap dance Whereas Down here in Latin America Every

[10:45] Nightclub You go into Where you'll see Pole dancing and stuff Is also A place where There's legalized prostitution And the truth is And I've been told Despite many Latin guys Half the people who go into those places Aren't going there for the sex at all They're just going for comradery They actually go there To watch the game Drink some overpriced beers And do it in the presence of Strippers Go figure, huh? And Latin businessmen and lawyers Will also tell you that Much of the business Done in Latin America Is Done At the tables of strip bars And if you think about it Halfway makes sense Since no one Practically no one Golfs in Latin America And that's where most of the deals are made In the states, right? On the golf course And For Latin Businessmen Types of narcos

[11:31] It's Strip clubs Or night clubs As they're called Anyway I mentioned to my Two green gringle buddies Who are from Chicago by the way That outside in those Three big Bulletproof Tahoes Or were they Suburbans Whatever they're both Pretty much clones By the way They're bulletproof too They have these places called Blendado shops down here Where anyone Could have their car Bulletproof Cost generally between Five and twenty thousand bucks Depending on the level of protection I believe there are four levels Level four I believe is Guaranteed to protect you From fifty caliber shells And small explosives And level one That's the lightest Grade of armor Guaranteed to protect you From metal piercing Hard shell tacos Hmm Now it's true And there's been many discussions about it

[12:16] No one actually Needs any of that crap Except Politicians Narcos And lawyers And why is that? Well When you see on the Six o'clock news Or on the front page Of a local paper That there's been some Kind of Shoot out In a car's Plastered with bullets I can tell you 99% of the time The guy who owns the car Is a narco A magnetist Politician Or A scumbag lawyer With narco's And politicians As His clients Those are the facts, Jack And don't let Anybody tell you That an average guy Is in danger Of getting gunned down Here in Latin America That's totally untrue Which is why When you pass by One of these Blendado shops That's, you know Bulletproof services

[13:01] While you wait Yeah, I can see it now Hey Julio Let's go get a happy meal And hmm Why not have our Car bulletproofed While we wait Now that sounds like A Monty Python skit, doesn't it? Oh, and by the way There always be a few High-end cars That the average gringo Should never own Like SUVs of the Mercedes BMW Audi And Porsche brand And of course Tahoes and Suburbans Because you see Those are the cars of choice For politicians Narco's and lawyers Oh, and regarding Lawyers of that stripe Again, talking about Lawyers whose clients Are narco's And scumbag politicians Because you see Your average lawyer Who has the common man And regular business type says His routine client Is not Going to be driving A new SUV

[13:47] Much less A model As previously discussed Unless it's a Used, restored, salvaged junk From an auction Up in the States Why? Because your common Everyday lawyer Can never afford To buy a new SUV Of any kind So anyway, in this restaurant One of the Chicago Expat wannabes Says, you know I feel like I'm in a Sopranos episode With Tony and his crew and their babes Sitting at the table right next to us And I said Quietly of course The difference is Sopranos was Hollywood And this is real life down here By the way, these guys pack no heat They had their big crew of bodyguards In those SUVs Out in front of the restaurant So down here in Latin America Like up in the States High-end mob figures

[14:33] Like narco figures Live in high-end neighborhoods Go to high-end malls Restaurants and health clubs Though they mostly overdo Things have no class And are obviously A bit different from everyone else Even if you don't see them And just hear them You can often spot them By the fact they use A low-end kind of street Spanish The usual scenario And I've seen it a dozen times Ugly overdressed Blinged out guys With little or no class Surrounded by a gaggle Of the hottest looking women Within a hundred kilometers Sort of a real-life version Of every rap and hip-hop video Up in the States But remember There'll be no threat to you And they won't be packin' Guys in the cars will, of course Now I'm not saying it's common That in every medium and high-end restaurant You'll spot guys like that

[15:18] Though I'd say If you're driving in a big city And you spend a few hours On the road in busy traffic You will see a few big black Suburbans or tajos With blacked-out windows At least you'll have your suspicions Aside from that Actually being in a place Where there's obvious narcos In my personal experience I'd say I run into a narco type Or at least I have my suspicions About once a month Nothing to write home about Well, maybe it is If you're not used to that kind of thing But I will say When you're in an upscale area Big mall or a parking lot If you take a walk through And check out every car And who's gonna do that But if you did You might just see a black suburban Or a tajo Or two With one or two short guys

[16:05] In dark glasses and suits Standing around the car You know they're bodyguards Guarding some worthless piece of crap Certainly a one in three chance The guy's a narco But just to give you a heads up That's the kind of thing you'll see If you hang around In some of the big cities in Latin America In any Latin big city Now as far as all the gangland Narco stuff you read about Where people are shooting it out in the streets And innocent bystanders are getting picked off Well, there's a lot of that going on in Mexico right now But almost never in the upscale neighborhood You'll find that happens Almost exclusively in the lower end neighborhoods Called favolas Those are slums in Brazil And what they might call ascenta mientos In the rest of Latin America And of course these are places That are never recommended For gringos or expats To live, work, play and or do business

[16:52] Why would you even want to go near those places When there are so many nice areas And you know The slums down here Might be ugly, stinky, trashy and well Crap Unlike the ghetto slums up in big city USA You can actually drive your car through them During the daytime And no one will hassle you At night You can pretty much get away with it too Try that And some of the ghettos up in the states And you're not coming out alive However, just like up in the states There are a lot of bad neighborhoods That you wouldn't want to get out of your car And take a stroll But you knew that already And those are the kind of things We talk about on this show And at my Expat Insiders seminars And you know Since about half of our seminars Held in and around Guatemala City The biggest city in Central America We hand out a map Of the 25 zones of that city It's color coded And you'll notice If you had that map in your hands

[17:38] That about three quarters of those districts Are absolutely fine To drive through and walk through During the daytime Probably a quarter of those zones Are perfectly fine To stroll through at night Though at night anyway You really shouldn't walk alone In any big city In any place in the world these days So keep that in mind You get the idea And those are the things You really have to know If you're going to set up your plan Be here in Latin America And relocate to a medium or large sized city And many small towns in Latin America From 2000 to 25,000 people Can be very safe Though I'd say Any town, city, or village Anywhere in the world Is not safe If you're drunk and stumbling Around the streets at night With your wallet on your head So bottom line The gangs and the bad guys With the neck tattoos You see shooting it out on TV

[18:24] Well the northern and western parts Of Mexico are pretty much Gangland Central When you're talking about that stuff But when you're south of Mexico You're looking at guys like that Hanging around exclusively In the very bad neighborhoods That we always tell you to keep away from And 98% of all the crimes And violence and shootouts Are gang on gang incidents Almost always taking place In the scruffy, trashy hoods So even though first world media Paints the danger As universal throughout Latin America It just ain't so That's good news for us Long-term gringos and expats And people with a plain beat And you know you're only going to find out What Latin America is really like By getting boots on the ground down here Hey now, here's an email you'll think you'll like It's a topic we've spoken about before

[19:10] But it's worth repeating Starts, hey Johnny I just read your report on Medical care in Latin America You don't think or say too much About medical care in Belize I'm thinking about relocating to Belize myself Do you have any further information about Belize Regarding medical and in general? And then he says Johnny, also I think your seminar slash Visits to Latin American medical facilities Sound very interesting Yours truly Wayne from Naples, Florida Hey Belize, great sun and fun place to visit For a week or two But guess what? It's got one of the worst medical systems In all of Latin America Probably second only to Venezuela Which has the worst of everything So if you're going to get sick Or you need long-term care Do not move to Belize What will happen is if you have a heart attack

[19:57] Or something really serious They'll airlift you to Guatemala City or Mexico They'll get you out of the country Why? Because there's no teaching medical school or hospital With medical interns in the whole country It's a country that's got less than a million people In fact closer to a half million So there's not a big enough population To support a medical school So all the doctors have to be imported The vast majority from Cuba They're very good trauma doctors But they don't know how to use equipment Because Cuba does not have modern sophisticated Biomedical tools and equipment It's just too damn poor and well, you know Socialist and all that What that means is there are some specialists That don't even exist in the country I understand there's no full-time oncologist

[20:44] In the whole damn country So if you're the young fit and indestructible type We all wear like that under 35, right? Belize is a great place to be like sun, fun And very hot conditions However, as you get older You think more and more about healthcare options And Belize, well, they even got much In fact, this might interest you If you get one of those all-inclusive healthcare plans From an adjacent country like Mexico, Guatemala, Honduras Nicaragua, Costa Rica, Panama Oddly enough, the higher-end plans Have inter-Latin American coverage That's a very good thing, you know In other words, if you're sick in Peru And you've got your insurance from Honduras Or Guatemala, whatever You get covered in Peru Then why is it almost all Latin American Full insurance coverage plans Won't include Belize

[21:30] Hmm, they know something we don't know So then what do you do if you get sick in Belize And have a plan like that? Well, hire a private ambulance service And have them drive you to their closest Latin border country Then you're covered Now I can go on and on about this And give you a couple of dozen other reasons Belize is not a good place to be a permanent expat But you long-time listeners have heard me talk about all that on past shows And in fact, practically everybody I know Who's moved to Belize Moved there because of the English language thing Yep, they speak English there Which is not a good reason to move to a country Just because they speak English But you know, a lot of people do I've got dozens, if not hundreds of emails That say basically the same thing

[22:16] Wish I woulda, coulda, woulda Aside from the fact that the locals Have learned how to gouge the gringos now And the haves and the have-nots are as extreme As you'll see in any of the most poor countries in the world Not to mention, they manufacture almost nothing So food's cheap, grows there like crazy But anything else Even more than first-order prices because they slap Hefty import taxes on everything Alright, I know you knew that already Wayne didn't, but you do now, right Wayne? Oh, and at the end of your email you said Good idea, taking people to see medical facilities, etc. In your seminar Glad he mentioned that In fact, that's one of the most popular parts Of my Latin Insider Seminars By the way, if you're listening to this show The day it comes out, that's Friday, May 26

[23:03] And if you haven't signed up already From my July 2017 Insider Seminar You got about a week To still get under the wire with the early bird discounts That means you'll still get that 500 bucks off the regular price So get on it, you've got about a week Before the prices go back to normal Oh, and don't forget The price includes six hotel nights, too As well as all your breakfast and transportation, etc. And you can read all about that on the sign-up sheet That's www.thenewexpet.com Just click on Johnny's 2017 Seminar link And you'll get full info and sign-up details You'll also find out about those famous John Galt pre- and post-seminar trips And man, if you have any designs on starting a business In Latin America

[23:49] You'll really want to take one or both of those trips In fact, just last week I went on a condensed John Galt trip myself Taking my two Chicago boys with me And I think I loosely counted Between them, they had 12 brand new business ideas How about that? Most of them having to do with import-export So like I said, if you're thinking about Or have an inkling You might want to start a business here in Latin America You really should hook up with one of the John Galt trips And of course, if you just can't swing it Don't have the money or can't squeeze the time to come to the seminar The next best thing, of course, is to take my Expat Essentials course Just go to www.expetplanb.com And don't forget the triple dub at the beginning Or you won't get there And you'll get three free introductory videos To my 9-hour video course

[24:36] So if you got your Plan B pieces But are wondering how to put them all together That's the best way to get you started Finally, my last plug Gotta do it, you know I try to squeeze all this stuff into one minute on the show So I hope that isn't too much for you long-time listeners Anyway, you know I'm available For one-on-one phone or Skype consultations I'm here to help you out with all the details In your particular case So if you're working along on your Plan B And have some special circumstances, we all do Or you get stuck along the way somehow And don't know how to proceed next Or you need some specific information Or some of my on the ground contacts Just go to www.thenewexpet.com And fill out my preliminary phone consultation questionnaire I know if you read through it

[25:21] It'll give you a lot of ideas And fill in some of the blanks About things you probably weren't thinking about And it should Let me leave you with one last thought You know, a lot of people review my show People doing other shows out there Say, hey, there's this Johnny guy out there Doing this expat broadcast And he really tells it like it is And he seems to really hate politicians If I see comments like that up all over the internet You know, they seem to like my show But some say I'm just a little too hard on politicians And other pieces of worthless s*** And I mean that in the kindest, most Christian way, of course Now, I get some emails from people saying Johnny, why do you hammer on them so much? There have to be some good politicians out there People doing good things And I say, nope

[26:06] They're all pretty much a gas bag whores who will sell their own sisters And that goes for every last US politician too As if you needed proof, here's an article from May 18th And I'll translate this The title says Leaked audio shows Brazil's president negotiating bribes It says, a new audio recording has leaked In which Brazil's president, Michael Demer Can be heard discussing the details of a bribe offered To a company executive The president of the company, JBS Ecere Allegedly gave the audio to a Brazilian newspaper, Oglobo Here's what's on the recording The president of JBS Josle Batista and his brother Chief executive Wesley Batista Are discussing the purchase of the silence

[26:52] Of ex-president of the Chamber of Deputies Edward Cuina, who is now in prison The meeting between company officials and the Brazil's president Was held on March 7th During which the president can be heard giving his approval to silence Cunha Then it lays out some more graft and corruption stuff And finally says The information involved in this scandal is monumental In fact, several deputies, which would be senators Have already asked for impeachment of President Demer Alright, it's me again That's why I firmly believe in term limits Just two terms for everyone, that's it One term in office and one term in prison South of the border This is The Expat Files, living in Latin America

[27:38] If you want me to help you out with your own Plan B Just schedule a one-on-one consult Send me an email at theexpatfiles at gmail.com And if you want to learn how to move forward with your own Plan B From right up there in the States Go to www.expatplanb.com And check out my three videos See ya!