#667 – Episode 667: Expat Life, Survival, and Safety in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border, down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Hey now here's another case of the didn't only happen in Latin America The next pet gringle friend of mine works at one of those helicopter schools He's been there some years now teaches English his Spanish sucks, but it doesn't matter. You know, they just want you to speak English

[00:45] Anyway, he's a dog lover. I have a couple dogs to always like dogs always had dog and it turns out You know, he bought some land built himself a little house and decided he wanted to have some dogs lived in an apartment for many years Down here, but he wanted to get out in wide open spaces moved out to the burbs and such used to live in a big crazy Latin City, but he saw the light now He's living the life of Riley on about a half an acre with every kind of fruit tree known a man growing up Oh, and by the way, I gotta mention he's got a million dollar view too if I recall I think he paid around 9 or 10 G's for the lot. Anyway, he just happened to mention to his kids Remember I said he's an English teacher at one of those helicopter schools So practically every one of the kids at that school have parents who are wealthy even by first world standards some of them excessively wealthy

[01:33] Hey, we don't call them helicopter schools for nothing. Yep They have helicopter pads and some kids actually arrived by helicopter meaning Of course, most of the kids are living in a fake unrealistic bubble world too But that's another story. Anyway, he just happened to mention to one of his classes that he was looking to get a dog And didn't know quite which kind to get next thing You know He gets a call from one of the mothers of one of those kids whose hobby is showing Rhodesian Ridgebacks at dog shows throughout Latin America And she offered him a pair of puppies male and female in Spanish macho Imba, so that was maybe two years ago By the way show dogs like that are worth a couple of grand Fact is I know a bit about dogs myself and I never even heard about Rhodesian Ridgeback

[02:19] Have you probably not cuz they're pretty rare in time I found out by visiting my friend there big and smart and around a hundred pounds of pure muscle And they love to jump up on you and destroy your clothes the gringo owners fault, of course not theirs Well soon enough his puppies had puppies and he couldn't bear it apart with them Naturally when the second generation of puppies grew up to adult size there were dog fights and just a week ago I checked in with them and I saw the guy had a big bandage on his left arm I said hey what happened? He said oh, I had something like 20 stitches in my arm He said it happened while his two male dogs were fighting it out for dominance They really went at it and as he was breaking it up, he got caught in the tussle result

[03:06] 20 stitches for him man that must have hurt then he said yeah I took the dog to the vet man There was a big chunk of meat missing from his shoulder. He said it was so bad I could see the nerves in the artery. He said the vet had to knock him out to put him back together again And now he's okay Then surprise surprise. He said the vet looked at his arm He was gashed wide open and bleeding too and she said get over here and she stitched me up, too Then she even gave me some antibiotics and a tetanus shot He said yeah, that's my full service vet. We both laughed and he said you know if that happened up in the States She'd have lost her license for sure and got drummed out of that profession didn't get this He said she gave me some animal antibiotics I said wait a minute wait a minute aren't these for dogs and horses and such and she said antibiotics are

[03:54] Antibiotics just look at the product information sheet and she gave me one It was in Spanish and my Spanish sucks, so I took her word for it She said look and pointed to the Abbot's laboratory symbol same company that makes antibiotics for humans That she said you'd be surprised to know they come off the same line They have the same purity same quality control only they're something like five times cheaper than the human brand He said you know I couldn't believe it She knocked my dog out stitched him all up stitched me up gave me antibiotics gave the dog antibiotics And it was around a hundred bucks for the whole thing Then he told me I still can't get over the fact. I was eating doggy antibiotics for a whole week That's when I said hey look I can show you a couple websites

[04:42] They're prepper websites up in the States, and they promote and stock survival stuff They say you should stock up on that's what prepping is all about right there Waiting for the big one to hit and I said so they have a list of first aid stuff Antibiotics and other drugs you should stock up on they say now. It's obvious You can't go to your MD up in the States and say hey doc. I'm a prepper Can you write me a script for a thousand hits of 500 milligram pen VK or tetracycline or erythromycin? You know just to have in the concrete bunker for a rainy day Well your docs likely to think you're nuts or give you the deer in the headlight look so that approach won't work and preppers Know it, but survivalists are very creative those particular sites I'll tell you to order your long-term bunker survival drugs from pet supply outfits

[05:31] And I told my friend you could look up those well-known Survival sites on the net and see they say the very same thing your vet friend said as far as antibiotics in some other drugs The doggy elephant hippo and even fish Formulations come from the same manufacturers and off the same Production lines as the human varieties only they have different sizes names and product numbers Then he gave me a look and said and that's supposed to make me feel better right and I said hey It's working for you right and he said yeah seems like so far anyway by the way You know you don't need a prescription at all for most any medicines you see at pharmacies here in Latin America Hey now wouldn't that be a boon to preppers up in the state Hey, I know what you're thinking. It's been tried if you get caught well

[06:17] Let's just say you don't want to spend time in a jail on either side of the border though It'd be a great business opportunity. It's best not to even think about it alright speaking of emails to yours truly I get a lot of them, but we weren't speaking about him were we well. We will now here's an interesting one He says hi Johnny I've been listening to your show for some time now and me and my partner are working on our plan B I absolutely love this show you provide a perfect mix of solid information along with raw humor So thank you for what you do now my question involves what I heard you talk about a few weeks ago Regarding the fellows who attended your seminar, and you took them for dinner which involved a restaurant with a cartel dining experience Me Johnny here yeah I got a few emails when I told that story seems like people are truly amazed that you could go to a restaurant or a

[07:07] Mall, or you know to the races whatever and see a couple of drug cartel guys sitting there with their Extraordinarily endowed retired ashe in like bimbos hey It's not that it happens all the time down here, but when it does people don't do much It's business as usual the management certainly doesn't mind well-behaved narcos and their entourage as hell They order big and they tip handsomely and believe me you don't hear Latin ladies say to their husbands or boyfriends I'm not eating in a place that serves narcos. Let's get out of here. I mean come on narcos have to eat, too Right yep in Latin America. You'll find narcos and scumbag thieving politicians dining with the riffraff all the time I mean come on who's the bigger jerk who's the larger menace to society?

[07:54] I'd say the politician wouldn't you because he's living like a prince and picking your pocket 24-7 and you got no say about it at least a narco sells a product, and he's not forcing anyone to buy it Now as hard as it may be to accept that premise you can look at it like one smart expat laid it out to me some time Ago he said look Johnny nearly all the modern wars in the world were started by politicians and millions have died and narcos have their Wars too But it's always narco against narco and the regular working people will only be casualties if they live in the hood and Get caught in the crossfire. I know I know you get the point but back to the email anyway He says I heard the show when you were in a restaurant, and you happen to witness a cartel dining experience I like the way he put that then he says as for me and my partner our intention is to find property in

[08:44] Southern Baja, California, you know that's the Mexican peninsula that juts down below, California by the way the word Baja Is so self-explanatory it means below or under thus under California anyway He says they selected Baja, California primarily because of water sports He says because of a sleepy seaside village they know of so he says when I traveled there four years ago I had an amazing vacation I felt very safe with the exception of one incident where I felt like I needed to keep my head down and just keep walking Now this area I'm talking about is close to an arroyo where many tourists set up their RVs free on the beach all winter now Remember I'm talking about four years ago now. Let's fast-forward several years a body was found in that same

[09:33] Arroyo, but there was very little other information about that incident now just last month up in Central Baja Three off-duty police officers were ambushed on the highway one was shot dead and two ended in the hospital Not only that the paramedics are frightened to help these days due to reprisals Some of the forums and blogs that I follow say that the drug cartels are making their way into Baja Which up until recently was unheard of seems like there's a power vacuum in the area because some high-profile Cartel types were recently arrested Johnny in that past show you talk about how life is safe in Latin America As long as you stay in the developed areas that expats hang out at I'm wondering what that means because I've always felt That an authentic travel experience involves mixing with locals not foreigners

[10:22] My partner is fluent in Spanish, so it would be a shame not to utilize her ability to communicate easy with the locals My partner however is very concerned about safety and getting caught up in cartel wars No one really expects to run into bad people on vacation or extortions or kidnappings and such But it does happen Especially when we heard about the Canadian woman who was killed in Belize a few weeks ago So we were wondering your thoughts on all this I do love Mexico and his people and like to make my plan be there But I don't want to put my gal in danger either Wondering your thoughts on that keep up the great shows mr. B from Canada. Well, mr. B from Canada Thanks for the email, but it sounds like you haven't been listening to my shows very closely Or maybe you've been listening to someone else's shows because you know what?

[11:10] I recommend just the opposite of some of the things you've mentioned like for example I say keep off the gringo tourist trail as much as you can stay away from gringos live with the locals Don't live in middle or lower middle-class Latin America That would be white trash to us live in the upper middle-class Latin American areas in the beautiful wide open spaces of the burbs where in a lot of cases, it's like 1970s Minneapolis beamed somehow right down here to Latin America You know if you live in a densely populated crappy area There's gonna be crime if you live out in the burbs and the wide open spaces in a gated garden community Or even a lone homestead way out in the boonies It can be as safe as Idaho and about you know getting caught up in cartel wars Well, I've been down here 27 years now at least

[11:57] 25 of them well off the gringo tourist trail and I can tell you this I know tons and tons of expat gringos and not a single one that's ever been caught up in a narco war However, I've heard a lot of second-hand stories about gringos and expats and tourists who have been affected Secondarily by all that narco gangland shootout stuff But always and I mean always as it turns out. Are you ready for this? How about a drumroll in Mexico? I know I know you found some great little sleepy village where you can do all your water sports and such But man, there are half dozen or so other Latin American countries with all that and more and they're safer and less expensive, too So my advice don't concentrate on Mexico. Don't just hang out there explore Especially if you're better half speak Spanish, what are you waiting for go south of south of the border? My advice bypass

[12:49] Mexico completely. I know I know it's an easy hop skip and a jump from the states and there are 1.5 million gringos hanging out there. So you're gonna find a lot of English-speaking friends But you know Mexico is tainted. It's a failed state and the locals see us dollar signs By the way, you talk about that lady from Belize Well, here's an article and articles like this come out about every week It says six killed around the Mexico resort of Los Cabos You know, that's one of the most touristy areas and Baja actually in all of Mexico man Is it saturated with medium and upscale gringos? One telltale sign of the gringo invasion is the cruise ships going in and out every day They've even got their own English language gringo newspapers And as for real estate forget about it first world prices and then some all the way

[13:36] It's even the home of Mexican timeshares. Oh, man I know people who've been sucked into that game and man do they regret it Anyway, let me read this article that came out last week It says six bodies have been found dumped on Thursday and Friday around the twin resorts of Cabo st Lucas and San Jose del Cabo on the southern tip of Baja California, peninsula Which has become a scene of increased violence in recent months the bodies it says were gangland related Men were found wrapped in plastic bags in a tarp in San Jose de Cabo and bodies showed signs of torture Alright, you get the point now about news articles like this sure I'd read about that stuff off and on but it was always in bad terrible narco neighborhoods But now it's hitting the tourist spots in Mexico

[14:22] Do you need any more reason to keep away from the place? Oh and by the way when you bring up the topic of that Canadian woman that was killed in Belize the story is coming out now that it wasn't a simple botched robbery. It's much more complicated She'd been receiving some threats people pissed off about some kind of real estate deal gone bad That's what seems to be coming out and when they found her and her boyfriend They still had their jewelry and a lot of money on the only thing missing their cell phones and the battery was taken out Of their car so they couldn't get away now Nobody knows the full story yet But I can tell you this every once in a while you hear about an American or European woman getting kidnapped raped even killed now The odd thing is at least half of the time the victims are tall often blonde

[15:08] Northern European or Scandinavian backpacker types young ladies traveling singly or in pairs on the very cheap I've seen it myself quite a few times clueless Gringa's and European lady backpackers doing stupid things for example hitchhiking often walking aimlessly Down scruffy neighborhood roads and sometimes you know I'm driving way out in the boonies in the middle of nowhere and suddenly I'll see a tall blue-eyed blonde or two in Shorts and tank tops which is not an appropriate dress code and the land of macho men They'll either be walking along hitchhiking or taking a breather from their Extraordinarily big-ass backpacks now. I'm not saying they're asking for trouble, but you know It's a stupid thing to do and I'll tell you plenty of times

[15:54] I've been in a big bustling Latin City off the grangle tourist rail Generally near the Central Park and the historic buildings and I'll see one or maybe two blonde blue-eyed very tall Backpackers standing on a corner looking on a map or at their iPhone in a virtual sea of short brown people So yeah, I've witnessed situations like that in 99 times out of a hundred. They're perfectly safe Especially during the day, but man coming out of a bar late at night after some heavy partying a lone tall blonde European girl or a pair of them walking down the street to their ten buck a night backpacker fleabag hotel Some blocks away, you know that happens a thousand times a night everywhere in Latin America And yet months and months even years go by and nothing happens

[16:40] You don't hear about anything in the papers or in the media Then there's a case like this Canadian lady and it's all over the first world press Scares the hell out of everybody up north and hey, that's okay But I'm here to tell you the media just loves stories like that You know if it bleeds it leads and all that but you can see the problem. You have to be halfway smart Hey, I saw women get their purse cut right out from under him in Florence and Rome, Italy. It's all about Situational awareness, you know, wherever you are In fact, like expedity says and he's been down here what 15 or 20 years now He says a person gringo or otherwise has about a hundred times greater chance of getting killed or injured by just Driving a car as opposed to walking down the street here in Latin America

[17:26] No matter where you are and you know what he's right and you know to get a good feel for all this All you have to do is turn on the six o'clock news and any Latin City down here You know one of the local stations car crash after car crash buses flipping Rolling down embankments every night a substantial death toll due to out of control drivers and vehicles whether it's drunk drivers Volkswagen size potholes slick roads with no street lights or signage people driving too fast for conditions Overloaded vehicles passing on curves, which seems to be a Latin pastime Then along with traffic accidents on that very same TV broadcast They'll show a dead guy in the road with a police barricade around him Maybe a car with multiple bullet holes in it and you'll find nearly every single time

[18:13] Those kind of violent tests are in neighborhoods as you and I would never want to go in and if you've done your basic homework About the Latin cities you're visiting You'll have a nice little list of the districts and subdivisions that are good bad ugly and great now in the case of this Canadian lady that cut killed in beliefs the town she was living in and she'd been going back and forth there for five years Had its own little gringo eyes community of around 300 people and so far as this story plays out It looks like she'd made some enemies within her own gringo community in time We'll get the full story But anyway, it's always unwise to walk around like an entitled first world wealthy gringo iPhone in hand Rolex bling gold tooth grill Yeah, my advice to you senior citizens who can't run too fast or are in wheelchairs lose the gold tooth grills before you come down

[19:01] Can you do that and skip the designer and real lands and safari clothes and real leather luggage? Nah, and you know people ask me all the time. How should I dress when I'm in Latin America? Just kind of exploring around I say just like a ninth grade geography teacher on vacation clean But slightly rumpled and how about this email that I'll have to edit a little bit for our younger listeners Hey, Johnny. Love your show. Hmm. They always say that don't they they started out saying I hate your show Then I wouldn't read it, right? Oh, yes, I would Okay, he says well Johnny. Here's my question for you I'm 53 years old and will be able to draw my full pension on February 2019 I'm one of those worthless state employee types, South Carolina. Well, I actually work in the field not riding a desk

[19:48] So maybe I'm not that worthless Yep, that's what I keep telling myself. Anyway, I've been considering retiring outside the US for quite some time now And I'm wondering could I start the pension natto paperwork with the immigration attorneys before my retirement date? Even though I'm not currently drawing my pension yet I can prove that I have a pension and my date of retirement from the state I would certainly like to have this completed before I do retire so I know what my options are. All right, it's me Johnny I'll try to answer that for you Well, it's all about the dates because the paperwork that you submit for a residency whether it's temporary permanent or pension natto residency All of the paperwork you submit including the good conduct so-called police report Call it a rap sheet if you want if you got a record

[20:35] now when you finally submit that certified and Authenticated paperwork to the Latin government of your choice from that moment back to the date you originally got the document It can't be more than six months So if you have a police report or a pension statement, that's one day over six months old They won't accept it. You'll have to get another one. You'll have to start all over again Now, you know under certain conditions, you can go straight to permanent residency That is skip temporary residency and illegal costs to get that started Plus that'll save you two years on your way to get in a passport All you have to do is prove you have a certain minimum monthly income coming in It's coming from an outside country and it's permanent Of course a pension or a social security check are the obvious ones there

[21:21] However money from trusts or annuities will also fit the bill even recurrent rents if you're a landlord So you could have a rental property up in the states. That's putting out Let's say 1200 bucks a month that'll work and it will qualify you for permanent residency And then after five years or so, you can go straight to a passport nationality in the Latin country of your choice Anyway, in this case from the emailer, mr. R I can't say that it wouldn't really help or speed things up to get the paperwork ready and send it in before you actually Receive the pension though, perhaps because residency programs are changing so fast and getting tougher a lot more hoops to jump through I'd consider mr. R in your case since you're not gonna get your pension till February 2019 which is a couple years away if I were you I might not wait

[22:09] I'd try for the temporary residency right now You don't need any proof of income to do that, you know And sure depending on the Latin country you decide on that could cost you anywhere from 750 bucks to two grand But if you do it now, you'll be all locked in and your paperwork will be in the system So to see if that's worth it. You'll have to talk it over with your Latin immigration lawyer now in the next part of mr R's email. He tells us about some of his background. So as a Somewhat typical case see how it stacks up against your own situation He's divorced and single it's been that way for years and intends on staying single now That's what they all say. Then he says my Spanish skills are somewhat backpacker slash gringo on the tourist trail In Central America type. He says I don't own a home in the States and I'm only looking to rent wherever I end up

[22:57] Smart move mr. R. Then he says I own a 2015 Toyota Corolla one of those plain Jane types I consider driving it down, but I may not if it's too big of a hassle He says I can use chicken buses if I need to well, mr. R. You're right You should sell the Corolla don't drive it down and no mr. R You're not a carefree 20-something backpacker anymore You shouldn't be using chicken buses even if you think you need to mr. R sell that plain Jane Toyota and buy another plain Jener When you get down now, this is interesting. He says since 2004. I've been to 51 countries and territories I visited every Central American country from Panama to Mexico some several times Guatemalan Mexico many times for sure

[23:43] He says I have no debt, but I have a bit of silver bullion I'm gonna need to move one way or another without attracting attention. Of course now It's nothing iffy or illegal or anything like that It's just that traveling with a heavy bulky load can attract attention. Well, mr. R. I'd say sell it and Rebuy it when you get down here If it was gold that'd be a different story because gold is much lighter and easier to transport by the way You could go down to a pawn shop in the states right where you are and switch it over to gold though I'm sure you know Silver is in a very depressed market now and has a hell of an upside compared to gold I like gold, but I'm much more in favor of silver, but it's so damn bulky now to the most unusual part of his email He says Johnny I've considered going to one of your seminars

[24:29] But frankly, it may not do me a lot of good since I'm not trying to work once I get to where I'm going I've worked enough Maybe the seminar could be revised to look like the following for people like me just some Suggestions Johnny. He says number one forget all the factories business contacts fancy gated communities and all that jazz Let's just do like the following day one Keep an extensive hour by hour diary of everything it happens at the seminar starting with Sussing out gringo expat and local bars and discos day one would include but it's not limited to Introduction to safely consuming flaming and coconut drinks while relaxing at your favorite beach bar day two if your hangover permits Lessons in learning how to talk to the locals how to impress and ultimately

[25:15] Embarrass know-it-all gringos who hardly know you and how to successfully chat and mingle with expats and locals without letting on your Totally clueless idiot green gringo who just arrived day three if hangovers permit going to and doing things That are totally illegal up in the states, but perfectly legal in Latin America Johnny that takes in a lot of territory and possibly could mean that day four's lecture could take place in a jail cell The subject how to overstay your 90-day visa Perpetually without being deported or fined including going over the range of minimally accepted bribes Depending on which official you happen to be dealing with. All right. All right, Johnny y'all kidding aside Who knows I might still attend one of your seminars. I've certainly got three grand worth of laughs out of your podcast

[26:06] Do keep up the good work, mr. R. Well, thanks for that mr. R. But wait a minute. You said you've visited 51 countries since 2004 man, you need your own radio show Wait a minute vacationing to 51 Latin countries on a government paycheck and to think they told me in Sunday school that life was fair Hmm. So what do you think about mr. R's seminar suggestions? Speaking of seminars my upcoming July 2017 Expat insider seminar kicks off in about a month. You still have time to sign up Just go to www.thenewexpert.com click on Johnny's seminar link and you're there and you know It takes anywhere from a day to a month to get your paperwork together If you plan on killing two birds with one stone That is apply for your Guatemalan residency when you're down for the seminar so you can still get that going, too

[26:55] Owen don't forget about those famous John Galt pre and post seminar trips. They're filling up fast, you know There's limited attendance there, too And for those of you who can't get boots on the ground right now Just can't make it down to the seminar. Don't forget. The next best thing is to sign up for my expat essentials course That's www.expertplanb.com Oh, and if you want to do a one-on-one phone or Skype consult with me, you can download my consultation and questionnaire page From the new expat.com website, too If you're putting together your own plan B You should have a look at that form to see if you're on the right track do check it out This is the expat files living in Latin America If you want me to help you out with your own plan B Just schedule a one-on-one consult send me an email the expat files at gmail.com

[27:45] And if you want to learn how to move forward with your own plan B from right up there in the states go to www.expertplanb.com and check out my three videos. See ya. Nos vemos