#67 – The Expat Files: Weather, Climate, and Life in the First World

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:12] Hi everybody, I'm Johnny Mueller, and you're listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America, the one of a kind show that tells you what it's like to live, work, play and or retire in Latin America, so let's get started. Now, last week I talked about things that me and a lot of expats miss about the first world in response to quite a few emails asking that question. So today, like I promised, I'm going to tell you about the things that I don't miss about the first world. And I'm not speaking only for myself, but for thousands of expats who I know feel the same way. Now, being originally from the Midwest, I have to say I don't miss the weather, although

[00:58] a lot of people up in my neck of the woods in the first world say that they love the four seasons, the spring, the fall, the summer, the winter, but in actuality, I know it's just an excuse, because if it wasn't, why do so many people talk about retiring to the warm climates like Florida or Arizona or Nevada, and of course Latin America? I know why, because they can't stand the weather up north, and they have to justify it to themselves somehow why they continue to spend their whole lives up there, slaves, to that miserable climate. You know, when I lived up in Chicago when I was younger, I didn't know any better either. As much as you hated it, you dealt with that climate, and you appreciated those three or four months out of the year when the weather was actually somewhat decent, and you didn't have to wear gloves, earmuffs, and a jacket. And you know, if you don't travel much, it's natural to think that the weather is pretty

[01:46] much the same everywhere, and that goes double for Canadians. In fact, I can't tell you the completely disproportionate number of Canadians that I've met at my travels down here. And even though they talk about how they love hockey and skiing and all those winter sports, deep down in those cold little souls of theirs, Canadians just dream of getting out from under all that snow, ice, and slush. So I'm from the Midwest, and I don't like the weather up there, so what else is new? Although, like every Midwesterner, I like a nice white Christmas, especially when it's fresh snow a day or two before the big holiday. But I hate going outside and shoveling it, and worse yet, I hate the slush and mud and crap it turns into, and what it does to your clothes and your carpets after that Monday rush hour traffic hits. You know what I mean.

[02:32] So let's talk about the weather down here for a minute, because most people who've never traveled down here have got it all wrong. Now for Northerners who haven't traveled down here much, and for those of you who've only hit the high volume tourist destinations, like Costa Rica, Cancun, and the rest of the so-called Mexican Riviera, I always hear those novice travelers say, man, I just love the weather down here, but I don't think I could take it year round. It's just too damn hot. It's good for a nice vacation in the sun and fun, but I don't think I could live down here day after day and sweat it out like the locals. Because to tell you the truth, the minute you walk out your door, a lot of times you're drenched in sweat before you even make it to your car door. Now I concede that, but you just don't hear seasoned expats giving that opinion. You just don't. But let me tell you a little secret about Latin America only world-class travelers seem

[03:21] to know. And of course, all the Latins that live down here. But almost no one ever talks about it, not the people up north anyway, so I guess I will. Now you know a lot of tourism down here is based on the fact that there are tons of ancient ruins. Mayan, Toltec, Aztec, Inca. You know what I'm talking about. And the biggest tourist attractions are grand old ancient cities where they have a lot of pyramids and civic structures and well-designed and very dense population centers where hundreds of thousands of people lived in a tiny area 500 to 1500 years ago. Now you have to concede that these were advanced civilizations and the people were definitely not stupid. But did you know that the vast majority of these towns and cities were built on high elevations from 3,000 feet on up to past 12,000 feet?

[04:09] Because they knew that high elevations moderated that hot, sweaty, sticky, humid tropical climate significantly. And if you're above 3,000 feet in a tropical climate, even if you're at the equator, the climate is so moderate that they actually have a term for it down here. The locals call it the eternal spring. And wouldn't you know it, when the Spanish conquistadores came in about 500 years ago, they thought the climate was absolutely miserable. In fact, they hated it. At first that is. And that's because they first landed in those terribly hot Caribbean coastal areas. And if you know your geography, practically the whole Latin American coast is very dense jungle. And that's what those early Spanish pillagers ran into right off the bed. And the first thing that happened is that they were attacked by bird-sized mosquitoes

[04:57] and other terrible bugs. And then they ran into some scattered tribes of very primitive natives, some of them cannibals. That's what the Spanish reported in their old log books anyway. Then hearing the rumors of the great civilizations inland, who were supposed to have tons of gold and silver, they hacked their way through jungles and finally ended up on these plateaus where those advanced civilizations and kingdoms were located. And these Spaniards wrote in their diaries that they were shocked to find that the temperature and climate were absolutely perfect. A virtual paradise compared to the sweltering coastal climates they encountered just a few hundred kilometers away. So what do you think they did after they conquered these indigenous tribes? They set up their own cities in the exact same locations to take advantage of those great mini-climates that those indigenous people had discovered.

[05:46] And that's just what they were and are. Mini-climates. Tiny, isolated areas of only a few dozen square miles or so in some cases, where the climate all year round was very stable and considered absolutely perfect for living and working. In other words, the land of eternal spring. So what I'm saying is there are over 150 medium to large sized cities in Latin America that are at elevations over 3000 feet. Which means these cities have a year round temperature range of between 55 and 85 degrees Fahrenheit. In other words, eternal spring. And all these cities I'm talking about are right in the tropical zones and in fact some of them are quite near the equator and still they almost never get over 85 degrees. Yet one or two hours away by car, when you get to the lower elevations, especially in

[06:35] the coastal areas, on some days it could be a hundred degrees in the shade. Which all you beach comers who've been down here well know. And that's what you go to the beach for. But you'd never want to be a bricklayer there, that's for sure. And in fact, if you've been to Mexico City or San Jose, Costa Rica or Quito, Ecuador, Bogota or Cali Colombia, or La Paz, Bolivia, you'll know that people all have sweaters and jackets in their closets. And at certain times of the year, the people will actually complain that it's too cold. And first world people who come down expecting to get fried are always surprised when nighttime falls and they too end up with goosebumps. Because all they brought down was their Bermuda shorts and their beach gear. So if that's true, and there are over 150 cities where there's a spring like climate

[07:21] all year round, well then what about all those thousands of miles of beautiful white sand beaches, and the beach life in general? And everybody but everybody wants to have a beach house or cabana to escape to on the weekends, right? Well, let me tell you how it works at least for the middle classes and up, and of course, for us expats. Now let's take for example Costa Rica. If you have a house in San Jose, the capital and largest city, with a little under a million people, you're going to have that eternal spring weather. Because San Jose, Costa Rica is at about 3,800 feet elevation. And I guarantee you if you live there, or in any of the other 150 cities and towns that have that eternal spring like weather, you're never going to accept the way the weather whipsaws you back in the states again. But here's a trick, if you're a long term expat or in the upper middle classes or higher,

[08:10] you generally have a house in San Jose and a beach house somewhere on the coast. Because although eternal spring weather is nice, you still want to take advantage of that great beach weather when you need a weekend getaway. Which in the case of San Jose, even though it's way up on a mountain plateau some 3,800 feet above sea level, is still only about 2 hours by car from the beach. So if you like, you can make a trip to the beach house every weekend. And let me tell you thousands of people do that. You can tell by the weekend congestion on the roads and highways to the local beaches. And listen, when I say having a beach house down here, that doesn't mean you're going to have to spend $300,000 on a luxury villa. Though if you want to spend that kind of money, you can. But I myself have seen some very nice 1 or 2 bedroom cabanas going for $40,000 to $60,000.

[09:00] And of course for that kind of money, you're not right on a beach, but you could be 1 or 2 or even 3 blocks away. So no matter how many drinks you've had, if someone points you in the right direction, you can always stumble your way into the sun and fun. But for people in a solid middle class who can't afford a beach house or even a cheap little cabana like that for $40,000 or $60,000, on the weekends they still come down to the beaches and droves. Because so many of them have a relative or two living near a beach or in a sleepy Pueblo near a beach, so they're always dropping in to take advantage of the sun and fun. And like most relatives, they'll put you up for the weekend whether they really like you or not. Because they'll expect that if they come to the big city, you'll reciprocate and put them up in your house too, whether you like them or not.

[09:46] And the reason why so many big city dwellers have a relative or two down near a beach somewhere who have a place they can crash in, is because there's always a slow trickle and a migration from these small little Pueblos to the big city, because that's where the jobs are. At least that's what they've been told. The big cities have opportunities that the small towns never do. And that's why you'll see so many really low budget locals who don't look like they have a pot to pee in hanging around on the beaches. And you wonder sometimes how they could ever afford those touristy hotel prices. To most of us, a $20 or $30 a night hotel room in a beach resort is not a problem. And in fact, it's an unbelievable deal when you talk about what you'd get in the first world for that price. I don't even want to think about what 20 bucks will buy up there.

[10:33] Maybe a trailer park hookup in an Everglades gator park. A nice white trash holiday maybe. Anyway, you can be sure that the middle class and lower types that you see on the beaches down here are not actually staying in tourist hotels, but are crashing with tolerant relatives somewhere nearby. But anyway, back to the very real phenomena of what they call the eternal spring. That is, somehow being able to live in the tropics and not sweating your ass off. So like I mentioned, you've got dozens of cities to choose from down here, where not only will it seem to you like eternal spring, but because of that, you won't have to pay heating or air conditioning bills either. So that's three times the advantage. And add that to the fact that only a few hours drive away, there's always a nice beach resort or two, or any number of excellent tourist attractions in the lower altitudes.

[11:21] Which could mean jungle or rainforest excursions, white water rafting or caving, or any number of very cool nature trips. And there's a lot to be said about that kind of diversion too. So once again, anytime I hear a first world person, or a tourist, or a new expat say, I could never move down to Latin America, it's just too hot down there. Maybe I'll visit the beaches and have a few margaritas, but give me Europe or the good old USA, where I've got those four seasons. Well, when I hear someone talking like that, I know they don't know too much about Latin America. And I'll grant you, there are huge tracts of land in lower elevations where it's swelteringly hot. And a good example of that is Honduras, Nicaragua, and the northern half of Brazil. And in those places, it's really hard to get relief from the heat. But if you're a smart expat, you don't have to sweat it out in places like that,

[12:08] because there are a hundred better options. Now, as an aside, when you live in the tropics or the subtropics, the locals say they only have two seasons, winter and summer, which means the rainy season and the dry season. The dry season, of course, being summer and the rainy, meaning winter. And in some places, the dry season is so dry that it might not rain for months. And there's always a danger of forest fires. In fact, in the height of the dry season, if you take a ride out in the boonies, you'll almost always see a tract of land smoldering somewhere, or in fact, charred in black from being burned already, or actually in flames as you drive by. And in some places, everything's so brown and dried out that you wonder why the whole countryside hasn't gone up in flames already. But thankfully, it doesn't. And during the rainy season, no matter what altitude you're at,

[12:55] it'll rain a couple times a week and sometimes a few hours every day. But rarely do you get days and days of continuous rain, not like how they depict the rainy season in those fake versions in Hollywood movies. You know what I'm talking about, where they show a monsoon flood and whole villages getting wiped off the map. Now, that's not the way it really is. And although in the rainy season, they do have a lot of landslides and bridge washouts, you should know that the houses that they might lose to those floods and landslides are almost always sitting precariously on a river or a lake, and are usually just rickety old shacks without much foundation at all. What you don't see is two and three hundred thousand dollar beach houses slipping into the water. That's unusual. Anyway, as far as the normal rainy season goes,

[13:42] normally it might be two or three hours of rain in the morning or late afternoon, and the rest of the day just partly cloudy. And that's the way the weather goes down here and you do get used to it. But when the hurricane season comes, which is always in the rainy season, what we call winter down here and what you call summer up north, anyway, when a hurricane is nearby, we'll get four or five days or even a week of pretty consistent heavy rain, even if you're living a few hundred miles inland. And if you're living on the coast and you take a direct hit from a hurricane, well, I don't have to tell you what that does to a town. But it happens so frequently down here that people don't panic because they know how to handle it. Now me, I've actually been in two major hurricanes in cities that took a direct hit, but I'll talk about that in a later show. And not only that, I've had a house wiped out by a volcano and two volcano eruptions

[14:32] that completely covered another place I was living in with an inch of volcanic soot. And I had to shovel it off the roof, the garage, and the patio and clean out the gutters, just like I would have done back in Chicago had there been a huge snow storm. So I guess the more things change, the more they stay the same. And another reason not to have carpeting down here, if you know what I mean. Now, I want to mention one more thing about climate down here because people up north have their own ideas about it and they often get it wrong. Now, like I said, if you're in the tropical or subtropical areas, if you don't live at an elevation over 3000 feet, it's going to be hot. And it's going to be hot all the time, and you're only going to have those two seasons, winter and summer, rainy season and dry season. But if you really like those four seasons, you can have them all right,

[15:19] but you'll only get them down in South America, and only if you live in the bottom half of South America. In other words, if you take the South American continent and you draw a line to cut it right in half, actually a little south of the halfway mark, about on the 20 degree parallel line that cuts right through Northern Paraguay and about 200 kilometers north of Rio de Janeiro and Sao Paulo, Brazil. It's the grid line you see on the map right above the Tropic of Capricorn. Now, if you decide to be an expat and you locate anywhere south of that line, well, little by little, you start getting the four seasons back again. And by the time you work your way down to Central Chile or Argentina, you get all four seasons full force. Of course, in reverse order of what you'd get if you were up in the Northern Hemisphere.

[16:05] So anyway, all of you diehards up there who need your four seasons, or think you do anyway, and I happen to think it's all in your head. Go ahead and throw a dart at anything below that 20 degree latitude line and you'll get your four seasons back. And for your information, the countries that do have pretty much all the four seasons are Chile, Argentina, and Uruguay, depending of course, how north or south you happen to locate in any one of those three countries. Okay, enough about climate elevation effects and seasons. Let's get back to what me and most expats don't miss at all about living in the first world. Well, I don't miss that you never really own your business or your house up in the first world. What I mean is technically you're only renting it from the government, because even if you've paid it off completely and have a mortgage burning party,

[16:53] just try not paying your property or your business taxes for about two years and see how fast the government steps in and puts it up for auction. So don't tell me that you own your property, please. And don't delude yourself either. Now down here in Latin America, if you don't pay your property taxes, which I might add are ridiculously low. And for example, on a $200,000 house might be two or $300 a year. And even though you get almost nothing back in services from your tax dollar down here, it doesn't break your heart or your bank book when you have to fork out two or 300 bucks when that tax bill finally does come. And by the way, a lot of times they don't, because mail service is so crappy down here. But that's a topic for another show, so stay tuned. But if you don't pay your taxes, even year after year,

[17:38] it's unheard of that the government would put your property on the auction block for taxes. And in fact, so many people are so far behind in their property taxes that municipalities routinely every year or so have a big propaganda blitz to collect back taxes and offer a complete amnesty on penalties, fines, and charges you might have accrued, even on long overdue back taxes, no matter how many years you're delinquent. And routinely, people are five, even 10 years behind on paying their property taxes. And many people who are delinquent don't pay up at all until they transfer or sell their property. Because you see, as of now, that's the only power the government has to get you to pay. If you're behind on those taxes, the government will not let you sell or transfer your property until you've cleaned up those back taxes.

[18:26] So a lot of times what happens is a homeowner dies, and in order to disperse or sell that property under the terms of the will, the surviving family members rush out and pay those taxes. Another thing that me and so many expats don't miss about the first world is the fact that, according to recent statistics, 75% of families with children up north are headed by a single parent. Now if that doesn't cast a dark cloud on the future of America, I don't know what does. Because down here, for all their shortcomings, only 15% of families with children are headed by a single parent. Which is a huge improvement on that 75% first world statistic. And another thing me and every expat I've ever talked to don't miss about the first world is that there are cameras everywhere, in private and public spaces.

[19:14] And the fact is that the average American is caught on camera over 200 times a week, whether he likes it or not. Well to me that just tips the scales way beyond invasion of privacy. And down here, they have a few cameras here and there, but most of the time, unless they're owned and operated by a first world franchise or an expat, they don't work. And speaking of excessive big brother in the first world, up north people ask you for your social security number for practically any transaction whatsoever. Even though my social security card says right on it, not to be used for identification purposes. But mine was issued a long time ago and I don't suppose the new ones would ever have the nerve to say that. And you know to add another thought about property taxes down here, when you consider that a house

[20:00] up in the first world that's worth maybe $150,000 to $200,000 might pay anywhere from $4,000 to $10,000 a year in property taxes. After you've been down here a while, you have to wonder how the public up north can fork out that kind of dough every year and still not get organized or pissed off enough to lynch a few politicians in the public square. And speaking of taxes, we certainly don't miss that the tax rates in general for the average guy up north, if you add them all up including state, federal, property, license fees, fuel taxes, utility taxes, you name it, and a hundred other fees that don't exactly look like taxes like feeding parking meters for example. Well anytime you pay the government for anything, it's a tax whether you know it or not. And what about the money you throw down the toilet to pay H&R Block to prepare your

[20:50] taxes. Anyway you add all that stuff up and it's well over 50% of your earnings. So that means whatever you really make, you only can spend about half of it because the government picks your pocket for the rest. And it's even more if you live in Canada or Europe. Whereas down here in except in three countries, Costa Rica, Argentina, and Chile, who like I said in a past show are trying their best to buffalo the public into thinking that high tax rates are the road to first world status. Whereas anybody with a brain realizes that high taxation first world style is the road to ruin. And another thing expats don't miss about the first world is those super high medical costs, drug costs, and health insurance costs, except for the national health

[21:40] care in Europe and Canada of course. And I've heard just this week from some of my friends living up in Chicago that health insurance premiums for a family with children are approaching two thousand dollars a month, which is twenty four thousand dollars a year. And down here in Latin America, anyone actually making twenty four thousand dollars a year is considered solidly upper middle class and in the upper ten percent of wage earners down here. And yet North Americans can drop twenty four thousand dollars a year just to have private health insurance coverage. And they still have high deductibles and certain exclusions. And this is all the more irksome to expats when they discover that when they come down here, they can get the same kind of coverage with pretty much the same deductibles and exclusions for about a thousand dollars a year. Not a month.

[22:27] And here's another thing I don't miss about the first world. That forty percent of all young school age children are considered by school counselors, child psychologists, and pediatricians to have behavioral or attention deficit issues and should be in professional counseling and or on behavior modification drugs like Ritalin. Now I don't have to tell you how ridiculous that sounds considering I don't know any adults down here whose kids are on any of those kind of drugs. Thankfully that first world trend hasn't hit here at all yet. And I hope it never will. But who knows? And in fact when I was a school kid up in Chicago, I'm sure I would have been just one of those kids slotted in that group to get those drugs. And if I'd been on those drugs, I probably wouldn't be down here in Latin America. I probably wouldn't be doing the expat files. And

[23:16] I bet you I'd be spending a lot of time sitting on my couch eating Doritos and watching reality shows. And by the way, if I ever forget all those good reasons why I became an expat, one quick trip back to the States and it all comes rushing back to me. Like for example, taking a walk through a mall and watching all those 14 year old kids with their $300 iPods and Blackberries text messaging their spoiled little friends at the very next table. No I can honestly tell you I don't miss that at all. And I don't miss going home at Christmas time and watching my nephews and nieces disappointed faces when they didn't get the right model Nintendo or the right color iPad or the $300 custom skateboard that they wanted from Santa Claus. It seems like up north if you don't spend at least a grand on each kid for Christmas,

[24:02] you're going to have some very sad looking faces around that Christmas tree. Now when I was a kid, well forget it, I won't go into it. But anyway, you get my point. Especially when you see a middle class Christmas down here where a sweater, a t-shirt, and a $20 off-brand mp3 player puts a smile on any kid's face. Man those days are long gone up in the first world and I don't miss any of it. And me and a lot of expats don't miss visiting state, local, and national parks and other public recreation spaces where pot belly tourists meander around with their whining obese little kids complaining that they're bored and begging their parents to take them to a McDonald's or a Chuck E Cheese. No I don't miss that at all. And I don't miss going to a first world bar or disco. Seeing all the young beautiful people in their designer clothes,

[24:50] drinking those $15 cocktails and acting like they deserve their own reality show. No I don't miss that, especially the $15 cocktails. And I might add that down in Latin America, no matter where you are, you can have a hard time finding a place that charges more than five bucks for a drink, even if it's a first world franchise joint like TGF Fridays, Friends, or Hooters. And in fact, if you go to one of the local bars or discos, they still have happy hours with dollar shots and beers. Now where can you find that up in the first world? And another thing that me and almost every expat do not miss is the politics up in the United States. We do not miss how the Democrats and the Republicans both say that they're going to get us out of this financial mess even though they put us in it. And we don't miss how certain segments of society still support Obama and still

[25:39] think we have to give him a chance and still think he's the savior somehow. Because when talking with expats down here, I find the general consensus is that they all think that the system is so broken that it cannot be fixed without wiping the slate clean and starting all over. And the only expats you won't hear that from, the ones you'll hear spouting the party line all the time, are people down here working under US government contracts or embassy people. In other words, first worlders who have a vested interest in the status quo and that especially means embassy people. Now in a future show I'll be giving you all a very special heads up on US embassies, embassy people and embassy auxiliaries and liaisons in general. And I do not have very good things to say about them so stay

[26:26] tuned. And finally to sum up with me and almost all expats I know agree on as far as what we don't like about the first world. And the main reason why we prefer to stay down here and really never want to go back is the fact that it's just a big rat race up there. Expats prefer not to live in a world of stress and not to keep up with the Joneses. We prefer not to work 50-hour work weeks or more. Losing ground little by little on that treadmill to try to keep it all going. Driving that round trip commute two or three hours a day, coming home completely exhausted at night, working for the weekend and wishing every day was Friday and feeling that someday it's all going to come crashing down on you. And you know someday soon it will. But if you're down here in the third

[27:14] world you can really cushion that blow. And I'm trying to help all of you see that here on the expat files. The next shoe is going to drop that's for sure and a bigger crisis will come. And that's why here at the expat files I'm trying to give you a good alternative. So when you die you have a big smile on your face. South of the border. You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America. And don't forget you can email me on anything at all about Latin America. The border.