#677 – The Expat Files: Living in Mexico and Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border, down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started You know, I've said enough about Mexico. I said I wasn't gonna talk about it anymore You know my feelings about the place been there myself many times and there are some nice little cities in the Ulti plan Well that I once did recommend and liked a lot

[00:46] They're mostly loaded with gringos now in some places in the Yucatan that are not only just acceptable for gringos But quite nice, but even those options are narrowing fast In fact at my most recent expat insider seminar a guy came up to me and said Johnny, you know I like Mexico people say it's so dangerous, but I've only been robbed once It was my stupid fault for having my wallet in my back pocket hanging halfway out, you know stupid Why do they even put pockets on the back of trousers? He said should have had a chain attached from my wallet to my belt like the bikers. He said I said Yeah guys like the back pocket wallet thing, but wallet in the front pocket. That's really safe Then I gave him a queer look and said you've been in Mexico how many years and never got extorted by a cop

[01:31] Then he wrinkled his brow and scrunched his face. Well, he said does that count? I mean, that's not an actual physical assault I said, alright, I'll give you a pass on that one Then he said oh and I got scammed by a realtor Then he said it was a gringo realtor, too No surprise to me by the way when he said he would it's Rob because he had his wall in his back pocket, man I see that all the time not so much with gringos anymore But Latin's they're obsessed with putting their wallets in their back pockets Is that not asking to be robbed back just the other day? I was sitting in a restaurant and I pointed out to a couple of people I was with not one But two Latin macho guys with their fat wallets peeking out of their back pockets You know, I asked my maintenance guy about that he puts his in his back pocket, too He said only way goes put their wallets in their front pockets

[02:18] Meaning putting your wallet in your front pocket was kind of gay That's how macho this society is here So anyway, there's seminar attendee said Johnny if you had to live in Mexico Where would you live and I instantly said in the Yucatan just a little bit south at Tulum and Tulum is about a half Hour south of Playa del Carmen, which is about an hour south of Cancun Nope, I wouldn't want to live within an hour's drive of a big tourist area though You longtime listeners, you know, I do not like living on the coast where it's very hot all year round I don't care how much money you have how big your pool and how low you've got your air conditioning set or how many Coconut umbrella drinks you can put away in one session as for me I'm the kind of guy who gets bored very easily and sitting in a hammock sucking down drinks all day

[03:06] That's not my style no matter how great the beach and how fantastic the sunset Who was it that said the world's second worst crime is boredom and the worst crime being a bore yourself? Yep, I found that beach towns are just full of boring gringos Boring that is after you meet him and you've been to a few of their barbecues and beach parties They tend to play themselves their stories and their jokes out after a few visits In fact when I was living the beach life I can remember many times trying to invent kind and believable excuses So I didn't have to go to another boring get together a party Call me judgmental. Call me a dick. Call me a snob I bet some of you have been there. Anyway, as you longtime listeners know I Really dig the altiplano which makes up maybe only 2% of Latin America and not found in every country either

[03:56] And yes, Mexico has some altiplano regions and about that question Where would I live if I had to live in Mexico? I'd certainly head down to the UK 10 beach areas once in a while everybody needs a nice peaceful vacation a couple times a year Right, but my pick San Miguel de Allende. That's right smack in the middle of Mexico Just grab a map have a look and you'll see it's an altiplano region Perfect springtime weather all year round as is the hallmark of altiplano regions Sometimes they even get a little bit too cool at night some gringo say so there you have it That'd be my choice San Miguel de Allende and for the occasional beachfront vacation and just hanging out They're more quiet and laid-back beaches of the Yucatan South of Tulum and as far as San Miguel de Allende a colonial town great weather low crime

[04:46] But way too many gringos now. It's medium-sized town with about 200,000 people But like I said way too many gringos now in fact saw some statistics just recently It's now got about 20,000 gringo and expat permanent residents Which means just that town has more permanent gringo expats etc then the entire gringo expat population of Honduras Guatemala and El Salvador combined for me way too many gringos and white prices are on the rise However, it's worth the look in a visit if you're really thinking about Mexico Especially if you're Spanish sucks, and you think you really need to be around gringos or have a permanent gringo fix by the way It's around four hundred miles away from the nearest beach So it's not like so many of the cool altiplano cities and regions in the rest of Central America

[05:37] Where you can generally hit the Atlantic or Pacific coast beach lands within a one or two hour drive So if you live in San Miguel de Allende and you like the beach vacation stuff once in a while like I do You're either gonna need to have a nice big pool Then you can pretend or head to the beach which shall be a two-day car trip for sure something not Recommended that is driving from city to city through the countryside any place in Mexico Which reminds me just checking out Mexico City's biggest newspaper the other day There was an article in Spanish of course that said and I'll paraphrase this when stopped by Mexican cops inevitably You'll be hit up for a bribe of course they pick on tourist buses Tourists in rental cars and people driving through with us or other Latin country license plates

[06:23] Those are prime targets, and here's something new in the cop bribery Extortion racket cops will immediately do the conversion Whether you've got Mexican pesos us or Canadian dollars or even euros well how convenient now You can pay your bribes in four different currencies somehow I don't think the Mexican cops can do the math in their head They've probably got an app for it pretty soon They'll be taking Bitcoin huh only that article was doing a comparison of different cops throughout Latin American regions And they said that these days get this the Venezuelan economy is so destroyed that the cops there Are asking for bribes only in US dollars euros or Colombian pesos They're not even taking their own currency for bribes So there you have it bribes are at an all-time high and patriotism and all-time low

[07:11] Anyway this article by the Mexican Social Studies and Public Opinions Center That's called Centro de Estadios Sociales de Opinion publica here They published a survey in which over 10,000 Mexicans Rated their own government institutions on a zero to a hundred percent scale and to summarize this because it's a long article It says about 60 percent of those who surveyed thought that corruption is the number one problem affixing both the police and all government bodies and 66% of those in the survey said there was little or no chance of ending the endemic corruption in Mexico And then it says over half of the Mexican people in the survey approved of Mexican citizens forming their own neighborhood armed Self-defense groups underlying that Mexican authorities and particularly the local police suffer from a severe lack of public trust

[08:04] This erosion of confidence it says has been exacerbated by extreme cases of police Collusion with organized crime and widespread government incompetence another result of official abuses and public distrust of security institutions is as this survey shows heightened support for civilians taking security matters into their own hands as Mexico's organized crime landscape descends into chaos. Meanwhile homicide rates spiral out of control Yep, but I want to live in Mexico. Don't you? Hmm. Don't get me wrong There are some very nice gringo wise areas of isolation that are truly what some first world Americans would think are tropical Paradise's meanwhile comes this article from the same newspaper and I'll translate it says

[08:53] Mexico's largest convenience store chain has been forced to close many of its stores amid growing insecurity and violence a Reflection of economic impacts of the increasing violence grip in the country says the article the store OXXO been there many times acts Oh Mexico's largest convenience store chain with over 15,000 locations across Latin America announced the company was forced to close all of its stores in certain cities For example, the city of a patazzang in the western state of Michoacán do it says to growing insecurity on the stores grounds Premises and parking lots where violent incidents have been taking place with more and more frequency Then it says after many spades of violence the latest one being on June 30th

[09:40] When two of the chain stores were burned to the ground two more OXXO stores were burned down in broad daylight on July 1st Meanwhile violent incidents continue to occur many in most recent days For example armed individuals aboard motorcycles burned one OXXO stores products before moving on to another one of the chain stores nearby throwing Molotov cocktail sets of stores Causing major damages to store entrances. Yep. I want to live in Mexico, don't you? But that's not all How about this according to the Mexican news source? Proceso it's estimated that the extortion of agricultural Producers at the hands of organized crime groups in Mexico has caused the prices of all staple foods grown in Mexico to increase by

[10:28] 25% since 2013 and in the cities of Guadalajara Monterey and others the cost for example of limes called Limones jump from 8 pesos to 40 pesos from 40 cents to more than $2 Do simply to neighborhood gang exhortions. Yep. I want to live in Mexico, don't you by the way? Just to set the record straight There's tons of crime in all big Latin cities and I never recommend gringos or expats to live in a big Latin city I don't think it's a good idea. I wouldn't though I have and I've always felt safe But remember if you're in any medium or large-sized cities, you're always Chicken bus ride away from a ghetto what they call a favola or a senta miento here in Latin America

[11:13] So if you're in a decent-sized city, even if you're in the best most high-end gated guarded community or subdivision You're always close to a scummy Scruffy ghetto, of course, those are breeding grounds for gangs and crime So as a rule of thumb I always tell gringos if you're gonna live in a medium or large-sized city Make sure you're at least two chicken bus transfers away from the nearest ghetto favola or a senta miento because you see this one great big difference between the gangs up in the big cities where you live up In the states versus the gangs bad guys and no good nicks down here in Latin America Care to guess I probably told you this already. Well, it's the fact that up in the states Everybody's got a car every gangbanger and every bad guy up there has wheels down here in Latin America

[12:01] Almost none of the gangbangers and bad guys have a vehicle though Some of them have rice-burning junk very small CC displacement motorcycles as a result A lot of cell phone thefts are perpetrated by two bad guys on a crappy motorcycle Meanwhile the other 95 percent or so of gangbangers and such get around by public transportation and chicken bus Which is why like I said, you don't want to be any closer than two chicken bus transfers from the nearest ghetto So there you have it. Whereas every bad guy up in the states has wheels down here They don't so think about it when the feces hits the ventilator by you up in Cleveland or Chicago wherever When the chaos spreads the bad guys are gonna get in their cars and come to your neighborhood Unless like I said, you live a gas tank away

[12:49] That's a couple hundred miles, you know But down here when the dominoes tumble and chaos arrives, by the way When that happens the chaos down here will in no way be near as bad as what it's gonna be like for you Where you know what they say your nine meals from anarchy just based on your food delivery system That said you longtime listeners know the living plans I recommend for expats and gringos here in Latin America live out in a boonies and a nice homestead or small town Five ten twenty fifty thousand people. Oh and south of south of the border That means south of the Mexican border that cops are quite different than they are in Mexico Oh sure. The cops down here are plus-brain lazy ass good for nothings But they're not professional extortionists looking for a bribe at every turn not to mention in smaller towns when you call the cops

[13:39] They might not show up for two or three hours or maybe not at all Which is why in those smaller towns the locals are self-policing and the bad boys in those little towns always seem to make their way to the big city because well for one thing they don't want to be whipped by their dads in the town square that does happen sometimes and There's so much more action in the big city where there's a lot of like-minded guys with tattoos on their necks Of course, no offense to any of you listeners who drunk or sober may have illustrated yourself in that way But you know looking at tattoos purely pragmatically now depending on placement and theme They do tend to severely limit your job Opportunities unless you're the boss or you plan on being the boss and you know not to harp on the ink and tattoo thing Too much. I have to say that lots of girls down here in Latin America are getting them

[14:28] Which is strange since historically what was the purview of bad girls? You know gang girls and such now even the nice girls are getting them. They think they're cute You know in fact at my various expat seminars I've hired at least three nice young translator ladies college-age girls who came to the interview with ink showing And you know that old saying where there's ink there's piercings Well, it may not be an old saying I think I made it up, but it's true nonetheless Anyway, I remember one young lady I interviewed had a big one crawling up her neck god knows Where else and another young lady had new age symbols starting at her wrists and ending well I guess you'd have to ask her boyfriend So there we were doing the interview in the coffee shop and soon enough she noticed

[15:13] I was staring at the odd looking tat a little splash of color poking out at the wrist from under those long sleeves Well, she saw I was staring just a little too long and said defensively don't worry about these I'll wear clothes that'll cover them. That's when I gave her my standard line You know that really does limit your job opportunities in the marketplace. You know she said yeah I know and I said well, why do you do it then she says well? It's art and I said could be but it's forever a lot of people have art hanging in their living rooms and such But eventually you know they change it a bit because they get kind of bored same old thing You know she just kind of sat back and looked at me Then I said plan on getting any more and she said yeah, I think so in fact She said there's an ink convention coming through Latin America, and she's gonna check it out

[16:00] I said oh really and she said yeah It's gonna be at one of the first world hotels, too Then I said nonchalantly hmm, so they're having a convention of unemployables right here in the city, huh? I was just baiting her pushing her a little bit see how well she'd react to a little bit of antagonism I hired her in the end because she was nice and had a lot to offer But that tattoo thing I still don't get it so am I just an old conservative fogey I think that since I read in a medical journal not so long ago After you get a tattoo your white blood cell count goes up ever so slightly and remains that way which means your body's view in The ink is kind of an irritant sort of a persistent very low-grade infection now Isn't that a good enough reason not to put yourself through that come on Do you need to put any more load on your immune system what with fluoride vaccinations GMOs cell phone radiations etc etc?

[16:52] Oh, well guess I'll never get it Maybe it's me in my day You know to be seen our art was having our hair awful long and when we realized it was not cool at job interviews And couldn't tuck it under our hats we cut it unless of course we were the boss So our tats art is rap music Now there's an oxymoron rap music okay, so that's today's raging rant. I'll get off it now But yeah, we're talking about places. I don't recommend gringos live work play and or do business That would be medium and large-sized Latin cities however in my opinion some of the best nicest most safe and inexpensive places where gringos to live work play and or Retire here in Latin America just happen to be right outside some of those big dirty

[17:41] Disgusting Latin American cities again following my unwritten rule at least two chicken bus transfers Any favola ghetto or a centimeter area in fact I can name many many areas and districts that I consider Just perfect for expat gringos whether you speak Spanish or not And they're all at least 10 miles outside medium in large Latin cities That means anytime you want a big city fix just get in your car drive a half hour 45 minutes And you're there yep if you plan your move that way you won't want for anything including first world entertainment Classical and cultural stuff Broadway shows current pop stars famous first world lecturers and speakers And all the rusty old dinosaur first world rock bands you care to see yep

[18:28] Somebody's always on a big tour swinging through those big Latin American cities in fact I understand McCartney's on a tour, and he's coming to selected congested chaotic Latin American cities near you in fact I just pulled up total ticket, which is the Latin American version of ticket Tron I'm looking at Medellin Colombia. He's playing there in October the 24th Oh, and guess what there are a couple of blog sites going and people are pissed off at the price of his tickets ouch The block of seats up front are 500 bucks in the VIP seats that would be the first couple of rows 1500 bucks apiece, but you know a lot of gringo wannabes and drug money in Medellin, so I'm sure those sell out When there's more on the total ticket punto campsite all right

[19:14] I also see maroon 5 is coming through don't even know who the hell they are, but everybody seems to be talking about it There's a Guns N' Roses tribute band coming in from the US called no guns more roses This sounds kind of like a bunch of wimps. How about more guns and no roses? Hey, just a thought you think their axle rose clone is obese like the real thing and you twos on a Latin tour Maybe I'll run into bono then I can do what I always wanted to do punch him in the face Oh, and there's a US Pink Floyd tribute band coming through right now, too And for you classical and elevator music fans Richard Clytemens coming through you know who he is, right? He sold more than a hundred fifty million albums and at any given time There's someone somewhere having a rit canal listening to him right now. I won't get this on July 29th

[20:02] It's International Beatles Day in Latin America for starters in Guatemala City. There'll be a battle of the Beatles bands Yep, they've got ten. Yep, ten Beatles cover bands in Guatemala City alone And I bet every last one of them are still living at home with mom Oh, and here's a revival of a Broadway play you remember that musical Chicago Well, it's touring the big cities of Latin America translated into Spanish Of course as well as a play called get this Schindler's list. Yes Coming direct from the states to by the way sometime ago I saw a poster at a Latin airport for Schindler's lists and as they do misspell English words Sometimes it said get this Schindler's lust now that sounds like a very irreverent porn title

[20:49] Anyway, that's just a tiny taste of some of the live acts that are touring through Latin America right now Just by the way, go to www.toto ticket.com T-O-D-O-T-I-C-K-E-T Dot-com and you'll see exactly what I'm talking about and much more by the way Just another sign that I'm out of touch with the music scene either I'm really losing it or it's true that popular music written and performed beyond around 1990 really does suck Or put this way. Why do 21st century so-called music icons have no lasting impact you tell me I'm looking at this list of all the first world I guess rock groups that are coming through and I don't even recognize half of them But there must be big time up in the States. They're playing huge venues down here and getting some big money

[21:34] So anyway, the point of this babbling rant is just to say if you live close to a medium or large-sized Latin city You'll never want for a live top-notch gringo entertainment fix either So again, I don't recommend you live in a large or medium Latin American city By the way, if you live in a big city up in the States What's your escape plan when chaos hits how close to you are those really bad neighborhoods? Everybody's gonna be running for the exits at the same time, right? Okay, but what if you are a big city person and you really want to live in a big city That's the kind of life you like Well, if you do you better get boots on the ground make a lot of inquiries talk to the locals read the papers Check the 6 o'clock newscast to see where the good the bad and the ugly spots are Oh, and by the way when people come down to my expat insider seminar, we start out in Guatemala City

[22:23] Considered a pretty dangerous place by some well it is and it isn't Which is why when I send attendees my information packages I have a map of Guatemala City and a list of all the 25 zones Pointing out the good the bad and the ugly zones places. You don't want to hang places You can walk through day and night places. You can hang out just in the day and they're not so safe at night, etc You know, there are some very high-end excellent first world places in Guatemala City But you'll never read about or hear about that stuff up in the first world media I mean look it's the biggest city in Central America There are lots of wealthy people in businesses of all kinds And where do you think the wealthy owners of those businesses live in Guatemala City, of course And they've got beautiful safe clean gated garden residential towers and totally first world subdivisions

[23:12] However, like practically every other big latin american city. I still don't recommend those places for gringos and expats. Why? Again, because they're just a chicken bus ride from the nearest ghetto But like I said some gringos and expats end up living in the city In fact one clueless guy came to my seminar some years ago now Actually a latin guy born in guadamala came to the states illegally with his mother when he was just a little kid Listen to my show came down told me never quite fitting up in the states. You know, he is very latin looking Well, he stayed on after the seminar But what he didn't tell me or anyone was that he'd inherited some land in guadamala city Get this in one of the worst most dangerous areas too Yep listed as a definite red zone on the map I hand out and the list of zones to avoid but

[24:02] He took that land made a business there and then Started whining about how he was being extorted by the locals man All I gotta say is there's got to be a stronger word than clueless for guys like that So yes, if you live in those red zones and crap areas You're gonna have trouble and if you have a business you might get extorted Then there's some very nice zones and districts in every latin city Where if you had a business you would never ever get extorted. Oh and remember I always say don't ride the chicken buses no matter how quaint and cute they look and what you've read about them Why a lot of reasons, but i'll tell you a little story. I interviewed another lady a bilingual translator slash assistant Very nice sweet girl lot of knowledge Problem no car and of course in the interview it comes up. Where do you live?

[24:50] She told me she lives in zone one in guadamala city. By the way, that's a zone That's pretty safe all day long all day long at night. Forget about it That's when the creatures come out, you know, anyway, she said all her life. She lived in zone one I said zone one. How many times have you been robbed? She thought a second and said 11 I said what they'd taken where were you now being that i've been here in latin america 27 years. I knew the answer already, but I wanted to hear her say it She said I had a cell phone stolen 11 different times Either in the chicken bus or standing at a bus stop waiting for a chicken bus and I said Why in the hell don't you move out of zone one? If you're gonna live in guadamala city, there's at least 10 good zones you could choose from

[25:38] The rent would be pretty much the same very cheap. There are many cleaner areas less congested much Less pollution from chicken buses and such a lot quieter and calmer in general and she gave me that look They all give me when I mentioned why do you live in such a crappy zone no matter what that zone is She says oh, well, my family home is in zone one. I was born in zone one I went to school in zone one My friends and family are in zone one and I said yeah, and you've been robbed 11 times in zone one There's something wrong with that picture, huh now to us gringles and expats we'd say let's move We wouldn't even give it a second thought but I also know the latin mentality They're very very big on family

[26:23] Fact is if they've got a family home that's been passed down through generations and they were born there etc They almost never end up moving out No matter how bad or good the neighborhood changes over the years In fact, i've spoken to a few latins who say They have plenty of money to move out of the city have a nice homestead out in the country even the burbs nice quiet solitude But they just need the hustling bustle of the city That includes the noise of the chicken buses and all the pollution too sound familiar. Hope not All right Just a few short announcements now if you can't get boots on the ground just yet Remember sign up for my expat essentials course. Just go to www.expatplanb.com By the way, if you're trying to work out your own details in whatever stage of your plan

[27:11] We can arrange a one-on-one skype or phone consult a lot of people are doing that now But first go to www the new expat.com and download my phone consult questionnaire Give you a lot of good ideas while putting together your own plan b and it's free No obligation to set up a call, but I bet it makes you consider a few things you haven't thought about yet South of the border This is the expat files living in latin america If you want me to help you out with your own plan b just schedule a one-on-one consult Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to learn how to move forward with your own plan b from right up there in the states go to www.expatplanb.com and check out my three videos. See ya nos vemos