#704 – The Expat Files: The Canadian Dream, Snow Misconceptions, and Finding Translators in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border, down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play And now that I wonder Hello there all you expat wannabes, I'm Johnny Mueller And you're listening to The Expat Files, living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live, work, play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good, the bad, the ugly and the great And it's all right here, so let's get started You know how I like to occasionally catch Latin news programs They give you a feel for what's happening in your own neighborhood or thereabouts in your country I found it's the best way to find out the good and bad, the ugly neighborhoods in your particular city or county too

[00:46] By the way, they don't have counties down here Well, in a way they do, they call them departments, departmentos So for example, if someone says they live in Santa Ana Well, there's about 6,000 Santa Anas in Latin America They'll say it's in the departmento de escuintla or whatever Anyway, lately, just lately, I have noticed some very weird stuff happening in the news department The Latin news department They're talking about a thing, a very new thing called the sueño canadience Some of you out there get that That means the Canadian dream, yep I am not kidding and neither are the Latinos Turns out in the eyes of many, especially those that have been deported from the states And those that see that Trump just might be serious about that wall The sueño Americano, that's the American dream, is no longer what it once was

[01:35] Yep, it's losing its magical mystery qualities day by day So now we suddenly have the sueño canadience and why not Since Canadians are such nice friendly obliging people with massive wide open borders too I guess it was just a matter of time And word of mouth So there's now such a thing in their talk and all about it in the media The sueño canadience So there's a good number of illegals transiting straight through the states Not going pass go or collecting 200 bucks in welfare money Going straight to the Canadian border Especially to certain Latinos that are sick of being deported from the states There always has been a revolving door, you know And they've been finding, at least they've been hearing a lot about it on the grapevine lately That Canada is well like the US was years ago under Clinton, Obama and even before then

[02:24] That is, once you're in, you're in for good if you choose Even if you commit a crime and you go to jail in Canada Or get picked up or whatever for being illegal There's really no will or force to deport For one thing, loading a bunch of illegals up on a plane in Houston and sending them back to Guadalajara That's probably only a three or four hundred dollar per person expense for the US government Whereas if you have to send a plane load of them back from Montreal Well, you're talking about double that But then again, I don't think governments really care about the expense When they get in the hole and they're always in the hole Either print, borrow or raise taxes So scratch that, that's logical reasoning And that's not much attributable to any government, you know Anyway, the sueño canadience, that is the Canadian dream Snowball is gaining momentum

[03:10] People on the street and then the little tiendas are talking about it And I'm even seeing now in the big latin newspapers Fly-by-night scam artists offering little afternoon seminars and hotel salons The ads say they're spilling the beans on the secret tips on getting your residency in Canada They cost fifty to a hundred bucks and you really get nothing It's total BS, these guys are two scam artists wrapped in the Canadian flag Oh, they'll help you fill out the visa paperwork that the Canadian government provides to anyone You can just download it offline for free and in Spanish But virtually none of the attendees ever get a visa Oh, by the way, here's something I'm sure you didn't know If you do get deported from the US You forever disqualify from getting residency through the regular process After being deported, you're tagged by the computer

[03:58] And the only way you could get legal residency is if you married an American citizen Or had close family members who are legal in the States sponsor you But to do it on your own without the skids being greased Through marriage or family and such, forget about it Anyway, over the last few months I've heard quite a few Latin Americans who've been deported from the US Say their next stop is Canada So today anyway, Canada is kind of like the draft dodgers dream during the Vietnam era Let's go to Canada, right? Had a few friends who did that way back when By the way, if you talk to any Latins in the know That would be Latins who were illegally in the States and deported many times They learned the rules quick and they learned all the aid programs too They'll tell you that Canadians' welfare system is even better than the US

[04:44] Well, isn't that nice? And again, they say, thank you, Canada However, there are two big downsides to sneaking into Canada It's not the actual sneaking in That's the easy part The border's huge and there's even less manpower control or interference than the US Mexican border In fact, vastly less Like for example, I've been told 100 mile stretches Where there's absolutely no border control at all The problem is, you see, it's a hell of a long haul through the interior of the US to get to the Canadian border And once you're there, it's damn cold at least half of the year To which Latinos are absolutely not accustomed to, prepared for, or can't even imagine So my advice to all you Latinos who are thinking of going to Canada More power to you, have at it But you might want to brush up on those hockey skills

[05:31] And by the way, don't worry too much about the arm or the neck tats You'll be wearing so many layers of clothing No one will see Oh and you know, I don't think I've met a single Latin person in my life who has not said to me Sometime I want to visit the US or Canada Because I just want to see, touch, and feel snow Because you see, Central America gets almost no snow at all Oh sure, in some of the very high mountainous areas They'll get snow maybe once every 10 years, but it won't stick Only quite a ways down in South America, where you get your four seasons back Do they have snow like they have up north in the States and Canada In fact, down in Southern Chile and Argentina, they have some popular ski resorts So anyway, Latinos tell me all the time They want to be in the snow Because they see it on TV all the time

[06:17] And they see those translated Hollywood Christmas movies Little do they know that most of those Hollywood movies, the snow is fake But you know, the old saying, never let the truth come between you and a good fantasy Hey you know, over the years I've tried to explain to many Latin people That snow is not what it's cracked up to be It's not like rain Where after a couple hours it dries up and there is no remnant of it But when it snows, sometimes you're stuck with it for months And you Northerners know it only looks nice and Hollywood-like for a day or two And then it gets mucky and slushy and well, basically, disgustingly awful Especially in the big city But that kind of talk is unimaginable to Latinos who've never seen this stuff They don't get it To which I say, knock yourself out In fact, you can get a lethal dose of it in Canada

[07:03] So believe it or not, for Latinos who've never really seen or touched this stuff Snow is actually part of the draw for that sueño canadience Speaking of Canada, I get lots of emails from Canadians who are dying to get the hell out of there In fact, here's one that just popped into the mailbox It says, hello Johnny, I'm Canadian Currently in Guatemala for dental work and real estate slash property viewing With the intent of purchase Off-grid Above the coffee plantations, as they say He says, Johnny, I too have a technical background And anticipate meeting with various manufacturing, import, export, government, and private entities To determine the level of interest for a future involvement in a new project I'm trying to get off the ground Then he explains the project and such, along with some photos

[07:51] And says, Johnny, I'm impressed by the volume, depth, and analysis of your podcasts And would be interested in engaging the expat concierge services you talk about For viewing real estate, short-term rentals, residency process paperwork, leading to citizenship, etc After reviewing your podcasts twice over the past three years, the opportunity and timing being ripe I booked my ticket on Friday, September 1st, and arrived in Guatemala on Tuesday And have extended my return to November 28th Hmm, that's around three months Hell of a nice boots on the ground journey, I'd say Anyway, he says, you know what, Johnny? I feel more at home here in Guatemala than I do in Canada

[08:37] Hmm, no surprise there Then he finishes up saying, thank you for your considerations And your accurate portrayals of the Latin culture and infrastructure Alright, me, Johnny, here again Now you might be wondering why I'm reading this email Apart from the fact that I'm discussing Canada a bit And he's from Canada Well, you know, one thing he failed to mention was if his Spanish was any good Because, you know, here in Guatemala, most of it, and I'd say probably 95% of it's way off the gringo tourist trail And there's really only one place, the town of Antigua, Guatemala Where you could get by pretty well, not knowing any Spanish You see, it's an eco-tourism tree hugger kind of town With English speakers coming in and out all the time Anyway, you have to admire the fact that he listened to every one of my shows twice And for those of you listeners who've gone way back into my archives

[09:26] I mentioned something quite important that I'm going to mention again It's been a long time, but it's really worth repeating Why? Because Dennis here, our new Canadian friend who wrote this email Tried a method I mentioned a long time ago A very good way on how to locate a translator slash guide By doing some bulletin board recruiting at the English department In a Latin public university Because that's where you'll find hungry, broke, bilingual translators Who would just love to practice their English As well as hang out with a real live gringo Now, for a university student studying English That's a real opportunity Because there are few gringos off the tourist trail That means no one to practice with Who could really show you the nuances of the language So if you need a translator slash guide

[10:12] For a very long term, weeks to months, that would be the way to go Of course, he did mention the expat concierge service And those ladies have cars and can help you out with practically anything You Skype with them, give them your wish list And they'll set up the itinerary and get everything in order Before you even get down So when you arrive, you can go down that checklist And hit those bullet points, boom, boom, boom Whether it's visiting doctors, hospitals, schools, insurance companies, banks Internet and utility providers, farms, plantations In other words, they'll hook you up with the people and things That you're going to need if you're going to move here to Latin America In fact, I've been told a number of times That just a few days with the concierge ladies Is like spending three or four months yourself down here Just kind of nosing around

[10:58] However, some people like to spend a couple of months Just nosing around on their own Like our Canadian friend, Dennis Absolutely nothing wrong with that if you got the time, the inclination, and the adventurous spirit Which is why in that case, you just might want to hook up With a bilingual slash translator guide Who you can contract by the week or month Of course, in that case, I always recommend You hook up with a college student Who's taking English as his or her major And you know when you're off the gringo tourist trail Everyone wants to learn English But almost no one learns it correctly So if you go to the nearest Latin public university, not private Stop in the English department where all the English majors are hanging out Put a notice up on the bullet board

[11:43] Spelling out what you're looking for in a translator Slash girl order guy Friday Chances are you'll be overwhelmed with responses In fact, maybe even some of the teachers will offer to get into the act So then how much might you have to pay them? Well, I'd say three or four hundred bucks a month Yes, a month Plus expenses, of course, hotel and meals If you're going long distances, etc Oh, and by the way, you wonder why I say public university That's because private universities are expensive In Latin terms, really, really extremely cheap in gringo terms By the way, they're not called colleges here Colleges are high schools here in Latin America They're called callejios The word will fool you because callejo Or college is spelled almost exactly the way college is in English

[12:29] What we call colleges, they call it universities Or la ooh, the you Attendees won't say they're going to university that Though that's what they should say Instead, they'll say la ooh, the you Anyway, to avoid confusion, I always recommend Single gringos and gringos Watch what they say If they're into the dating and mating scene They should never tell a Latin person that they're dating A college-aged person Because down here, that means you're dating a high school kid Nope, not good So once again, down here, college or callejo is high school But where were we? Oh yeah Why you don't want to go to the bulletin boards In private universities looking for an English translator Slash guide or assistant Hmm, can you guess why I don't think it's a good idea? That's because private universities here

[13:16] Are filled with entitled rich kids Even if they're not rich, they grow up entitled Because they almost all have mates at home, etc Just like most college kids up in the states Their parents spoil the hell out of them Give them everything They don't have to work to put themselves through The university like public school kids do They're heavily into fashion and social media, etc In a word or three, they're just not that motivated or hungry So if you do go posting a nice ad on the bulletin board Of a private university You might get a lot of takers, a lot of tire kickers But for the most part, they won't need you and your money To survive because their parents give them a nice safety net They pay for everything So though they might agree to work for you They just as soon blow off a scheduled work day If they're friends, come up with some kind of activity

[14:01] That seems a little more enjoyable Man, I've seen that in action a number of times Last minute phone call with a flimsy excuse Sometimes there's no phone call at all And they just don't show up However, public university kids are there for a reason They're from families that can't afford to send them to private school So they're always on the edge, always broke Sure, they dress nice enough But in reality, most of them barely have enough money for lunch and the chicken bus They don't live in very nice neighborhoods and surely don't have a car So the majority don't have driver's licenses either So if you hook up with one of them You'll have to supply the transportation, rent a car, whatever That as opposed to a private university kid Who almost always have his own car or access to the family car That said, our Canadian friend sent a copy of a posting

[14:49] That would go on the bulletin board at one of those universities Part of it is quite good and other parts of it Well, I'll share my comments By the way, always put up your postings in English That'll qualify them Separate the men from the boys, so to speak So here's Dennis' bulletin board ad He starts it like a business letter And says to the English major students Subject translation and guide service Duration, September 3rd through October 4th, 2017 Then it says Wanted Two or three responsible, serious, Spanish speaking English students To translate for a Canadian during various meetings, activities and appointments For the next three week period Preference will be given to students with a technical or medical background Expressing a keen interest in their own future Then he goes on to say

[15:35] This is an excellent interactive opportunity To practice and hone your own conversational and technical English skills With a seasoned English speaking professional Mechanical design consultant Should the fit, coordination and timing allow You will have access to the experience and wisdom of an individual With 37 plus years of business experience Then he lists the activities and appointments That this work might include Like for example One, trip planning Two, dentist selection and appointments Three, chiropractor selection and appointments Four, real estate housing viewings Five, local attractions Six, corporate legal meetings Seven, corporate association meetings And it says it's anticipated that planning will occur in the evenings

[16:20] Between 6 and 8 pm And attendance at the meetings and appointments Will occur during normal business hours Then he lists the benefits for the person or persons being hired He says all expenses are paid The meals, fuel, parking and tolls Accommodations if required Plus a small negotiated per diem Depending on the timeliness, professionalism The daily events and efforts expanded Etc, etc Then he says a clean, reliable vehicle is necessary Alright I'm going to comment there And saying I think he's asking for way too much There's very few clean, reliable vehicles Owned or driven by college I mean university students here in Latin America You heard what I had to say before About a vehicle Sure it's necessary But I think it'd be much better off with a rent a wreck And yes they have rent a wrecks down here

[17:05] They don't call them that They call them regular rental outfits But there are a lot of wrecks you can choose from Of course you can always go to the usual suspect Rental car agencies They're always around the big airports Hertz, Avis, Budget You know the names But you'll find, here in Latin America anyway It'll generally cost around 50 bucks a day minimum For short term rental I said 50, not 15 However as usual if you rent by the week or the month You probably could get it down to maybe 25 or 30 bucks a day But like I said there are a lot of non-franchise rental agencies here in Latin America Because the industry is not regulated and monitored like up in the states That means any mom and pop rental company can get into the act Which is a good thing but few gringos and expats know about that They usually stick with the franchises they know

[17:51] So why not rent from a mom and pop agency The cars are kind of scruffy looking But they run fine so who cares In fact I know of some expats who have used these agencies And have paid as low as 15 bucks a day In fact I even know of a recent case where a gringa Rented a car from a mechanic It seems like a lot of little mechanic shops will rent you one They often have one or two around just for that purpose So in the end that gringa lady told me She ended up paying around 12 or 13 bucks a day In a car a perfectly fine but slightly dented 10 or 12 year old compact All you need to do is do a little preliminary homework on olx.com That's the latin craigslist And I'm sure you could quickly find something decent to drive For around 15 to 20 bucks a day

[18:37] But remember olx.com is all in Spanish So you can either go through a google translator Get off your dead ass and learn some Spanish I know I know there are lots of cool little translator tools And apps that are just coming out Which means in the very near future Maybe even in a year or so Those little translating programs and devices are going to be so good You really won't have to learn any Spanish But until then you should brush up on at least some of the bare bones basics You know as I've mentioned on a previous show There's around 200 words That could get you in and out of most any common situation here in Latin America All right but back to that bulletin board ad For an English translator slash guide assistant aid whatever Then he says in another paragraph that he might want to make

[19:23] Recordings or transcripts of the meetings etc Then he asks whomever is going to respond to his ad To put down the dates and the times that they're going to be available Then finally he says As a large number of responses are anticipated Only those selected will be contacted within 48 hours Thank you in advance etc etc Now I don't think he's going to like what I have to say now But I'm thinking he's making this thing way too complicated He has a giant list of demands and conditions That would be just fine if you were hiring somebody up in the first world For a permanent position But this is the third world where people are much more relaxed An ad like that I think would scare most of them off You must always keep in mind Everyone here even so called professionals with degrees are on mañana time

[20:08] And with an ad like that he sounds like he will really crack the whip Now I'm not saying he won't get responses to this He just might But I know the Latin public And I know by this ad He's going to come off as a pretty tough task master What he really should have done was set up a one-on-one phone console with me And I could have set him straight from the beginning I would have made that ad much shorter Much kinder friendlier and well less authoritarian and demanding And you know that's one of the problems with gring and gringos and expats First coming down They have to come to terms with the fact that this is the third world And why do you think they call it that? Number one people down here No matter how educated do not have the same thought processes and values When it comes to business jobs and work ethic

[20:53] And when it comes to details man forget about it If there's one big educational concept that seems to be missing Throughout the general latin population Is the lack of a broad or world vision of things Again no matter how educationally advanced Or how many titles and diplomas the latin person has Latins are not widely read In fact they rarely read at all And when you ask people why they'll say books are too expensive And they're right if you go into a store and find the Spanish version of a gringo best seller They're three or four times as much But these days it's a real weak excuse Yep they're basically free if you have the internet In fact every US public library has an internet presence And they have books in Spanish too I just downloaded 500 in a zip file for free But do you think the latin public even knows about that or would investigate it?

[21:39] Yeah right it takes a gringo like me With fourth or sixth grade Spanish reading and writing skills to figure that out Here's a good example You could find a nice smart Graduate computer engineer here in latin america Predictably adequate even good in his own field But if his refrigerator car or washing machine went on the blink He wouldn't know where to start Whereas an equivalent or sort of equivalent A computer engineer up in the states Well anything in the house breaks down he'll tackle it He'll give it a shot because he's got a broad Understanding of electro mechanical things Including cars TVs, radios, cell phones that works Whereas a latin person even a degreed engineer Generally doesn't have enough tools around the house Or the right ones to even take a back panel off of a washing machine I know I've seen it They're just not that curious about things That's not to say there aren't a lot of technical types of people up in the states

[22:27] Who aren't all thumbs too However it's a fact if you were stuck on Gilligan's Island You'd definitely want to be shipwrecked with an American professor Not a Latino professor for one He'd be too busy chasing Ginger and Marianne to solve any real problems Oh and speaking of olx.com The Latino Craigslist that's in Spanish You can by all means post your translator want ads on that service too Though that's kind of like a shotgun out the back door In other words you might get a lot of takers But they just aren't that qualified Which is why if you post your ad at a Latin University English department You're creating a self-selecting sample Alright let's talk for a second about cryptocurrencies in Bitcoin Hey you know Bitcoin just hit a social platform milestone There are now more hits for Bitcoin than Beyonce

[23:16] And get this not surprisingly there are now Bitcoin casinos in the ether yes Unlike the movement of net gambling sites to offshore island jurisdictions To avoid taxes restrictions and quasi illegalities Bitcoins don't need a jurisdiction They're all at once nowhere and everywhere They're in the ether Now some people say cryptocurrencies won't be treated as real money Till certain milestones are reached Not for example till they're widely accepted By churches drug dealers and hookers Well guess what that's already happening And on top of that Political scumbags are more than happy to take campaign contributions in crypto As well as bribes So I guess it is money after all huh? By the way at my upcoming January 2018 expat insider's seminar

[24:03] We're gonna have a special guest Due to overwhelming demand by email And such our world famous Bitcoin Dan Will be doing a presentation You long time listeners probably know the story He came to my second seminar And has been here ever since Meanwhile and this is no small thing He's the first person to ever teach a cryptocurrency course At an accredited university Believe it or not Here in Central America amongst our seminar crowd People have stayed down here We have a truly amazing contingent of Bitcoin early adapters So Bitcoin Dan will be speaking on cryptocurrencies But I told him he had to tone his vocabulary down to us mere mortals Guys like him you know Who are living working and breathing in their rarefied little spaces They think that when they speak of such things

[24:50] We're all right there with them And that's not necessarily true So he will be giving us the real dope on the Bitcoin and cryptocurrency world And he'll be talking about all those other cryptocurrencies That he calls shit coins Oh your eyes will be opened all right You'll hear his predictions for Bitcoin And the other few cryptocurrencies that he thinks are worthwhile By the way you'll be surprised to know He's really down on Ethereum And not in a good way You'll find out why and walk away very surprised Even shocked when you hear what he has to say By the way that's one of the cool things about coming to the seminar Nothing static things are changing all the time We have very special guests that you would never get to speak to on a personal basis In any other situation like Bitcoin Dan And guys like Google Ads specialist to the Nth Power Robert

[25:37] Who was at our last two seminars And I'll tell you something If you knew the backgrounds of some of the people that have been down Well you just wouldn't believe it Talk about oversized brains and secret lives In fact I've had more than a few attendees tell me Johnny I could live anywhere in the world I could live anywhere in the states Build myself a compound Have a small army Be the king of preppers But really is that any kind of life What's that going to be like? So why then do you think that people who could live anywhere Are choosing Latin America Of course not all my attendees are high rollers Bottomless pits of money There are a lot of very smart and clever expat wannabes Of modest means They want out They see the writing on the wall too So attendees come from a wide spread of income brackets But they're all way above average

[26:24] Many of them specialists in their fields All adventurous forward thinkers The kind you really want to hang with So sign up today for my expat insider seminar Just go to www.thenewexpat.com See what the fuss is about And you can still get in on those early bird discounts too Now I get emails occasionally Saying Johnny why do you have so many repeat offenders? Well you'll know if you come down and experience it for yourself However if you just can't swing Come into the seminar Remember The very next best thing is to take my expat essentials course Just go to www.expatplanb.com And check out my video Explains everything Now for those of you who are kind of stuck And are deliberating your plan B You can always do a one on one phone consult with me And finally don't forget you get to kill two birds with one stone

[27:10] By coming down to the seminar And applying for your Guatemalan permanent or temporary residency Oh and while making your plans Don't forget about those famous John Galt pre and post seminar trips If you're coming all the way down You'll want to add four days to the front Or back end of the trip or even both It's a really great way to generate business ideas And a way to get some very substantial boots on the ground South of the border This is The Expat Files Living in Latin America If you want me to help you out with your own plan B Just schedule a one on one consult Send me an email at theexpatfiles at gmail.com And if you want to learn how to move forward with your own plan B From right up there in the states Go to www.expatplanb.com And check out my three videos

[27:56] See ya! Nos vemos!