#826 – The Expat Files: Navigating Legal Laxity, Privacy, Music, and Culture in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started You know how I always talk about the fact that in most Latin countries the best majority of my should say Big brother just doesn't exist or what you might call little brother is just crawling along on all fours Sure All the fat ass Latin corrupt bureaucrats are trying to pass first world laws and they do it

[00:50] Including all the big brother ones, but luckily for us They never enact laws creating the police or strong armed forces like for example child services enforcement agencies or IRS SWAT teams to batter your door down and haul you away So they have tons of laws on the books but almost no enforcement and when there is it's very spotty What's not to like about that? The only time you're ever gonna get caught in and chewed up by the lard asses in the bureaucratic machine down here Is if you have a business that depends on multiple government permissions that repeatedly need to be renewed Like for example owning a taxi business captain mango could tell you a thing or three about that That said today We have a nice case in point as to just how lax the rules and regs are in good old Latin America

[01:38] So I'll start by reading a little excerpt of an email that just came in it says hi Johnny I happen to be in Panama City around Christmas time and I decided on your recommendation to get a cheap Kind of smartphone and a sim card Well, I was at the took him on airport and I went up to one of the little kiosks a clado kiosks That's the name brand I checked out all the phones ended up paying about 65 bucks for one of them got a new sim card paid cash And I did the whole deal without ever being asked for a single ID document What I did was hand the young lady behind the desk a little post-it note with my name address Passport number and the name of the hotel. I was staying at she never did ask me for a legit ID

[02:23] No driver's license passport or ID card. Nothing in 10 or 15 minutes later. I had that phone in my hand Everything working just fine. In fact, she even hooked me up with what's up ways Google Maps and some other junk I'll never use her need. Oh, and this is the best part that little post-it pad with all my debts on it They were all false every last one of them. I made him up Yes, you could say it was kind of a test because at that moment I was thinking man, she asked me for an ID or anything I'm just leaving and even then I had a good comeback line that I think I learned from you on your show I was just gonna tell her I didn't have my passport on me because on the American State Department Website it says on the very first page and I know it's true because I looked it up that you as an American tourist or traveler

[03:11] Should never carry your original passport or ID documents on you. It's unsafe to do that You should leave them back at your hotel or with your local Latin lawyer in a safe somewhere, whatever Well, guess what? I never had to use that backup plan now Johnny as you might imagine all kinds of scary scenarios flew through my head as I walked up to that kiosk I was totally expecting the third degree or some kind of gigantic form to fill out but I got none of it and I'm talking about Panama which has a huge first world influence and lots of gringos and Tons of Asians and when you land they take your fingerprints multiple times and do an iris scan, too What's that all about and I might add it ain't cheap the hotels certainly ain't cheap But Johnny just to let you know you're dead right again

[03:57] According to all the rules and regs about buying phones in Panama You're supposed to give up your ID and your personal desk to get a sim card Though I'm sure they crack the whip just a little bit harder for Panama citizens So I'm just reporting that in December around Christmas time I was eyewitness to the fact that the gringo advantage rides again Oh, and you know what really floored me as I was walking through the airport I ran into a group of vending machines that were selling sim cards like a coke or an ATM machine You stick your credit card in pick which cell phone company you want a sim card or data card from I think there are three or four companies in Panama and there you have it for five bucks or so at brand-new sim card To stick in your own phone with the local phone number. Did you ever hear of that before? Alright me Johnny again that comes from Derek G and my response to that. Yep, Derek

[04:47] I've seen those sim card vending machines too and ever got a sim card from him, but you're right However, you have to use a credit card So they got all your debts once you make the purchase so you're back on the radar again Unless you can persuade someone else to lend you their credit card and Derek about the fact that you can buy a sim card and a Phone without giving your real idea. I hate to say I told you so Hey, and that's not the only phone and IT related email. I've gotten the last couple days. Listen to this one Oh and this comes from Paul a previous expat insider seminar attendee He says Johnny I went to Guatemala recently and I went bought a prepaid smartphone and sim card I paid cash and gave an obviously fake name without having to provide any numbers

[05:33] You even show a photoshopped copy of a passport. Haha All right. There we have another example of how you can stay off the radar Just think about it Try getting a cell phone or any kind of IT service up in the states without flashing a real bona fide government issued ID And giving up a boatload of other personal debts. They'll probably be checking on talk about the benefits of lag time, huh? Of course when you sign up for utilities or buy a smartphone, whatever here in Latin America You could give up all your debts. Most people do The point is most of you listeners. I know are Absolutely sick of having all your personal debts cataloged filed stored and shared by all the alphabet agencies Not to mention all your debts gathered by Google and others to be sold off to the highest bidder

[06:22] Yep, they look at us consumers like ripe fool idiots for multiple marketing purposes Remember, like I said many past shows when you come to Latin America You got a second chance at more or less wiping the slate clean That means getting some or a lot of your privacy back, but to what degree you achieve that all depends on you Oh and on that note got an email from a guy the other day said Johnny look I'm getting my social security checks direct deposited to my bank where I live in the states in the next six months or so I'll be moving down either to Guatemala Colombia or Ecuador haven't decided yet The dilemma is when I get there and open a bank account and set up my direct deposits down there There's a form you fill out or if you're lucky enough to get through your 800 number

[07:08] You can give the information out over the phone, but I'm looking at the form right now It's on the social security website and they're asking me for my home address in my new country They say they needed to send snail mail publications to me every couple of months and leave me I know why they do that you think they're there to help you. Well, they're not It's kind of a catch-22 my brothers on social security and they send him those mailings They ask you a few questions Like for example is your marital status the same as your number of dependents changed as a kid moved out of the house Questions like that to keep tabs on you but the real reason they send out those inquiries and I know this for a fact is to see if you're still alive because if You don't send a response to them in 30 days or so. They'll cut off your direct deposits

[07:53] I know that's true because it happened to my brother whether it was a misplaced piece of snail mail I don't know but once last year they cut off two months worth of social security Deposits simply because he didn't return that form within 30 days saying that nope. Nothing's changed same as always Just that little glitch and he got screwed out of two months in social security So Johnny my question is when you move down to a Latin American country and you're having Checks direct deposited from the US government to your new bank account The only way that's gonna happen is if you give them your real address in your new Latin country But aren't you jumping right back on the radar again? Problem is you give your real address to any government agency and they all have it when that email comes from Finney

[08:40] Mr. Finney sounds Irish Alright Finney, here's the solution Just make a deal with your lawyer to receive your mail at his office In other words make your Latin lawyer's office your snail mail address and don't worry You're not breaking any laws or lying there because the United States government knows that many third world countries Although they do have snail mail. It's not at all dependable But a lawyer's address in a business office in a business district of a Latin City will always get snail mail with regularity So by all means make a deal with your lawyer to use his address as yours That's an excellent way to maintain a good level of privacy Once you move down to Latin America and believe it or not Most lawyers won't even charge you for it and they won't open your mail either

[09:28] of course that also means if you're a backpacker slash skin flint type of guy and You prefer to come down to Latin America and do everything yourself You probably won't have a regular lawyer that you're on a first name basis with who'll provide that kind of service for you All right switching gears a bit. Remember a couple shows ago. I was talking about oddball names You run into here in Latin America. Yeah, right like you don't up in the States Anyway, last time I was interviewing for maintenance men and gardeners three guys with kind of oddball names showed up one guy Same was rusty. I know up in the States. That'd be a nickname. You wouldn't be rusty on your documents It's a nickname because you're a tow-headed guy or have red hair or with a real ruddy kind of Irish complexion, right?

[10:13] Fini by the way that tow-headed thing. I don't get that view Anyway, rusty came in for an interview and it said rusty on his Sedula. Another guy showed up name was Otto OTTO Nothing really unusual about that lot of autos down here But when I looked at his Sedula, his name was really Othello, you know like the black Shakespearean king So that day I learned something Otto was actually short for Othello figure it out first couple letters of Othello and the last one Otto Except this guy didn't know Othello was a black king and he didn't know Shakespeare from Jake the snake Now you'd think a person would know at least a little about the origin of his own name, but he did Oh, then another guy showed up. His name was Ponty

[11:01] P-O-N-T-I which as it turned out was short for Pontiac Yep, his mama named him Pontiac Jack Martinez after the car not the warrior Indian chief Now Ponty didn't even know then in the car after the Indian chief just kind of interesting I mean, it's one way to live on in history, huh, but it's still kind of odd. He thinks he's named after a car Oh and speaking of Otto a lot of German-born guys named Otto Otto premonger Otto von Bismarck But American-born kids man. I only knew one we used to call him autopilot and sometimes when he was drinking Otto control But as they say what's in a name? I mean really look at my name Older folks think I was named after the song Johnny be good while younger people think I was named after Johnny Rotten

[11:50] I say let him wonder all right now for all you sort of musical kind of guys and gals I'm a bit musical myself. In fact, I've got at least six guitars some really good ones, too So if I wasn't at least a little bit musical, I'd be kind of an idiot for having all that stuff Anyway, this email is entitled recommendations for a musician in Latin America. It starts. Hi Johnny I've been listening to your broadcasts for almost a year now, and I would like to thank you for all the work you put into it You're a very eloquent and comical speaker and it made me sharpen my game from my own YouTube videos I don't know how you can talk an entire half hour without saying I'm more Oh, it's made me step up my public speaking game. So thanks for that. All right me Johnny here

[12:37] I like to comment on that but first I like to throw in a few homes and arms and clear my throat a bit Well, you know Joseph this comes from Joseph by the way The reason why there are no alms or odds or throat clearing guttural Vocalizations in my shows is because I've got a dirty little secret and I'll tell you right now when I sit down to do the show I pick a couple of themes emails news articles and just some general thoughts and Start babbling when I get to around the 25 minute mark I shut it down get something to eat or exercise for an hour or so sit down again I go back to what I recorded start from the very beginning Listen closely and edit out all the ums and dems and some of the things that would make me sound like a common doofus

[13:26] From the streets of Chicago and forced to show us it gets to the very end to hit exactly 28 minutes Because 28 minutes is exactly what the producer up at the big station in New York wants it to come in on So I'm actually doing two run-throughs of the show the first one a kind of dress rehearsal Oh, and by the way, a lot of times people will say Johnny how much of that stuff? Do you write down ahead of time? They say how much is scripted? I say none I've got some little note cards with ideas. I've jotted down but no whole sentences or paragraphs Just in case you were wondering that said let's get back to Joseph's musically themed email He says in some of your podcasts you refer to yourself as a B grade musician So I figure you'd be the right person to ask about musically vibrant places to spend a couple of months in specifically

[14:16] Guatemala I Play jazz guitar he says and I like singing folk tunes too. I also play fiddle in the key back Why Cape Breton and Irish style hmm? I detect a little hey there great white North Canadian in this guy Anyway, he says I play gigs every now and then in short. I'm into any traditional and rootsy acoustic music You could say that playing music is the drug of my choice And I love going to places down south and jamming with the locals in fact He says last winter. I went to Sayaluta, Mexico and man Did it have a lot to offer nice small colonial seaside town with great food hot babes and music everywhere? You had mariachi bands brass bands complete with sousaphone and everything in between

[15:04] I played with some locals in the restaurants, man. Did I have a good time? There was only one major downside There was a river of poop flowing right through town past the market right onto the beach and right into the ocean This was on the busiest part of the beach, too Yuck, but I assume this is a common occurrence in many places in Latin America There seems to always be a stream of raw sewage flowing through the most beautiful areas by the way Johnny I heard towns around Lake Atterland have the same problem Oh, but my two trips to Cuba were top-notch for music and you couldn't ask for anything more The only downside there is that there's barely any internet to speak of no connection You could ever run a business from anyway and many two-tiered rules for locals and visitors

[15:52] In other words strict gringo versus local prices Anyway, I'm getting ready to spend a few months down south and wanted to know if there were any places in Guatemala that have hoppin roots music scenes I've created a business that I run online so I need to have access to good internet connections But I know that's possible anywhere now as long as you have one of those cell tower router motives I heard you talk so fondly about I normally travel to places with a completely open mind But after two trips to Costa Rica that were downright dull Musically speaking. I now like to investigate before making a trip. Don't get me wrong Costa Rica is a beautiful place, but I found the music and cultural scene almost non-existent Any musical happening that experience was always done by gringos or Latinos from other countries great place to visit

[16:42] But greatly lacking in the music and cultural department Anyway, Johnny if you have any quaint places to recommend in Guatemala that have happening music scenes Let me know all the best Joseph Quebec, Canada Hey there Joseph. Let's go through these points one at a time as far as garbage and poop flowing here in Latin America, man every single body of water River Lake stream is Contaminated with fecal bacteria, but you know that already and why you always have to carry your own purifier around with you By the way, you all know which one I recommend And if you don't send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And I'll send you my own purified water setup the one I've got for house under the counter and my traveling kit Remember, I'm an electrical and a biomedical engineer

[17:30] So I know a little bit about that stuff probably a lot more than you do plus back in Chicago My brother installed reverse osmosis purifiers, so I've been into pure water at least 30 years Hey, I know there are lots of great water purification systems out there under the counter and portable But I seem to have found the cheapest most reliable most effective and most durable and longest lasting filters too and you know the portable one I recommend costs around 30 bucks and it'll last you how about a Lifetime Oh and Joseph, don't you find it rather funny even terribly ironic? Most all Latin countries are dying to be the next Costa Rica That is have huge influxes of gringo and European tourists bringing in the dough

[18:17] And why would tourists come well for the climate the beauty the pristine environment and the culture, right? Meanwhile the locals sabotage all that by throwing their garbage everywhere and letting the poop flow with reckless abandon Paint's a pretty picture, huh? It just doesn't make sense Latinos claim to love their country yet They fall and despoil it poop in their own sandbox so to speak with regularity You know, it's funny every time you see trash receptacles gringo style You know where you have the plastics the paper and the general glass and disposable stuff all separated out It's the do-gooders and the gringos who put it there and every time you see or read about a cleanup effort It's the gringos and the do-gooders who've organized it and you know gringos and do-gooders when they get together

[19:04] They talk about who's really responsible for educating the public. They say the government They just need more money more first-world grants and I say bull poop That's all wrong and why the vast majority of do-gooders are morons. It's beyond stupid to give Latin American governments money They're just chock full of lazy corrupt bureaucratic slugs The real problem begins with the mothers and the grandmothers Latinas with kids They're the ones that permit their male offspring to use the world as their toilet they're the ones that are supposed to instill values in their kids as they grow up and Since I'm on a rant here. It always drives me nuts when I see a big commercial project under construction And you find out when they submit their architectural plans to the local municipality

[19:51] They're forced to have the latest and greatest sewage management in gray water treatment and drainage systems That's a good thing a very good thing Meanwhile the thousands and thousands of little businesses homes and residences in the surrounding neighborhoods have no sewage treatment Facilities at all talk about cognitive disconnect then but that's why they call it the third world Meanwhile back at Lake Atit land considered the most beautiful lake in the world that's in Guatemala Of course Joseph says in his email. He's heard they have the same sewage problems, too Yep, like I said, it's endemic throughout Latin America But if you were to take a little boating trip along the fringes of the lake You'll see some little floating somewhat high-tech platforms that look like they're pumping away

[20:39] Well, guess what the gringos the do-gooders and the Germans have come in with various high-tech Cleanup devices as mentioned the locals don't give a it takes the gringos the do-gooders And in this case the Germans and I think the Israelis too They know the problem and how beautiful the lake is and they're actually doing something about it and it's got nothing to do with government It's all donated Meanwhile all the little indigenous towns around the lake just keep on pooping on So Joe Lake Atit land is on the mend Kind of but I would never drink the water though If you take a ride around the lake You'll see the locals filling up jugs because the indigenous population can't afford bottled water Which isn't really pure anyway, right?

[21:25] So they'll just gather river and lake water boil it and use it for drinking water However, don't try this at home unless you run it through your own purifier, then you'll have no problem at all All right. Where were we? Oh, yeah, Joe talks about his visit to Costa Rica saying They've got no culture and no musical class at all. Nice place to visit he says but he wouldn't want to live there Well as for me, I did live there and I wouldn't even want to visit Nope Costa Rica is a hundred percent off my visit and wish list The only time I'll intentionally go there is if I end up getting laid over at San Jose Airport Where a bottle of water is only around five bucks and a cup of coffee eight such a deal, huh? But back to Joe who's wondering about the folk music scene in Guatemala Well, let me tell you Joe you're in for a surprise

[22:12] Just go to your favorite search engine. Hope it's not Google. I hate Google use start page.com or duck duck Go and put in the name Ramon Iglesias Ramon Iglesias Iglesias He's an old guy in his 70s a world-famous luthier. That means he makes handmade stringed instruments made out of wood It's some of the nicest sounding most beautiful looking stuff you've ever seen There are a couple of youtubes you'll see on him a walk through his very cool little studio factory in Guatemala City Now this guy makes his instruments from some of the finest hardwoods in the world He makes violins cellos guitars mandolins all kinds of instruments. Some we've never even heard of this guy's really old school

[22:59] He doesn't have a sales pitch or a sales page all the marketing you'll see is not of his doing He's got a couple of really young musicians Technicians that rig up of the electronics the pickups and such when he builds electric guitars He's the expert wood custom craftsmanship guy and the other two 20-something guys do the modern high-tech stuff when necessary Of course a lot of his instruments have no electronics at all They're pure custom works of art now since he uses most exclusively exotic hardwoods He can't really export his stuff to first world countries because there's all kinds of restrictions on that kind of wood But he takes one-off orders in other words you walk in there Tell him what you want and he'll build you one and thus the word is out with professional musicians all over the world

[23:45] They'll fly in he'll build him an instrument couple months later They'll come back pick it up and fly back home with it bring in their guitar. Whatever as a personal carry-on That's how his instruments have ended up all over the world and how they bend it up in the hands of people You know by name yet It's all totally under the radar because he can't get certain export permits So why am I bringing this guy up because you see the rickety old house this guy lives in man I think must be a hundred fifty years old and hasn't had a lick of paint since then Well, it's a sort of Floyd's barbershop a musician's hangout In other words if you were to spend a couple hours just mulling around You'd see all kinds of people with different musical styles and tastes coming in and out of the dump And it is a dump but a cool dump from Latin rock and rollers

[24:33] Rakeros to Latin metal and jazz guys Strictly classical players and orchestra musicians and indigenous musicians who play handmade marimbas and people who play in folk bands So Joe if you came down to Guatemala, yes stop in that place Hope you speak Spanish by the way, because there might not be anyone there who speaks English believe me Joe It's really old school nothing like a music store you've ever been in It's like going into some woodworking shop that an overstuffed garage where no one sent a stitch of housekeeping for years OSHA's biggest nightmare and yes Joe It's a place to find everything you need to know about the local indigenous folk scene and everything else in between Oh and get this the place is so casual as you walk through the front space the first room and see all the guitars and

[25:21] Various stages of construction and assembly you might just notice a big glass mason jar fill to the brim At least it was last time I was there with very potent or so. I'm told pot buds Samples for satisfied customers. It's kind of like you know if you walk into a real estate office or a bank They'll give you the courtesy pan a cup of coffee or after dinner mints Well, that's kind of Ramon's way of saying glad you came by take a sample come back soon But that's not all Guatemala's full of tiny little shops that make custom-made marimbas That's the national instrument Basically a funky kind of xylophone in fact Guatemala including Honduras and Salvador have tons of marimba bands In fact, you'll see marimba bands everywhere at all kinds of events though

[26:09] I'm not much for marimba bands or mariachi bands either You just can't avoid them when you're trekking through Central America. So Joe don't forget to ask about that scene Oh and Joe speaking about music and musical instruments. You ought to check out olx.com dot GT plug in the words musical instruments or Instrumentals musical is because olx.com is in Spanish You'll see all kinds of musical instruments for sale including marimba's guitars and custom-made folk instruments Oh and I go on that side a lot of times looking for vintage guitars They pop up down here sometimes and you'll see that with a ton of money But the locals have no idea because there's no vintage market here Anyway, the other day I ran into a guy selling an old epiphone acoustic guitar from the 60s

[26:57] And I immediately went on the net to look up what it was really worth I checked it out on eBay and instantly came a non porn related pop-up window It was a proposition 65 warning from the state of California saying some guitars and musical instruments are made with get this Cancer-causing material. Yep. It was the California Office of Environmental Health hazard assessment trying to protect me from my guitar Thank you, California for being so concerned about me. Yeah bastards man, Mike glad I'm in Latin America You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B You can schedule a one-on-one phone call with me But first download my free plan B questionnaire at www.the new expat.com

[27:45] Better yet if you want to get your plan B going from right up there in the states Just sign up for my 9-hour expat essentials course get the perfect plan B blueprint by going to the expat files.com Academy those famous