#838 – The Expat Files: Life in Latin America, Snow Fines, and the Fear of Trump

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started You know, I have lots of Canadian listeners and I always have someone or some people from Canada my expat insider seminar So I'm thinking Canadians, huh? Well, I figured out there's a disproportionate amount of Canadians listening to the show compared to the amount of Americans

[00:49] that means per capita there are more Canadians listening to this show than Americans and that reflects also in the number of emails and Skype consults, etc. So I'm thinking well, maybe it's because it's so damn cold up in Canada That just gives Canadians the extra incentive to get that plan be going But then there's that other strange factor that it seems like every single Canadian I meet here in Latin America and when I met Up in the States to they absolutely love winter sports ice hockey skiing ice skating tobogganing Hunting moose and squiggles. I don't get it. Most people I know hate cold. So are they lying? Are they screwing with us or are they just victims of a kind of mass psychosis? Hey, according to my orthopedic friend up in Chicago, that would be orthopedic surgeon Canadians spend much more time in emergency trauma rooms than regular North Americans by a wide margin

[01:40] Why because they're always twisting an ankle or breaking a leg on a ski slope or catching a hockey puck with their teeth Which brings us to this email from a smart Canadian female Entitled 20 more reasons to get the hell out of dodge Canadian Dodge, is there a dodge in Canada? Maybe there is and she signs it una Rubia Caliente Canadian say that's a hot Canadian blonde I like it already. She starts out Johnny. I'm from Canada, but I am in Latin America visiting now It's not my first time. I've been to Latin countries before mostly Mexico and every time I visited I promised myself I'd develop a plan B and eventually get out of my Canadian version of dodge. However once

[02:26] Vacation is over and I'm back in frozen dodge land I always seem to jump right back on the treadmill and you know the drill after that Memories fade the new thousand dollar iPhone 9 comes out plans get postponed And you get back into the minutiae of life and like the Chinese water torture it wears on you But you almost don't notice how bad it is amazing the way we can fool ourselves and lie to ourselves When we're back home for a while once again, we accept things that we can change But we keep tolerating for longer and longer periods of time. Hmm. Meet Johnny here That sounds a lot like the mantra they have in AA 12-step programs You know the line goes something like give me the courage and the wisdom to accept what I can't change

[03:13] Something like that. I would know I never been to an AA meeting, but my brothers are charter members and repeat offenders Anyway, she says what's back from vacation memories fade plans get postponed and you get back into the minutiae of life then Johnny something happened right before Christmas this year. I experienced the straw that broke the mooses back Then another and then another and then another all in one day You gotta feel sorry for the poor moose And here's how it went. It had been snowing all night I got up looked out the window went outside and at 8 a.m I made a snowman at 8 10 a Feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman So at 8 15 I caved and made a snow woman to at 8 17

[04:03] My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest, which by the way I patterned on my own But I didn't tell her that cuz she's bi and I didn't want to give her any ideas But she complained saying it unjustly objectified snow women So again, I caved and after radical surgery my snow lady became an a cup Well at 8 20 the gay couple living across the street through a high-pitched fit They said wait a minute by rights. There should be two buff fashionable snowmen holding hands at 8 22 the Transgender UPS guy or is it girl? Well, I forget now because on odd days. He's male even days female He was agitated too. He said I must have one snow person with detachable

[04:52] interchangeable parts At 8 25 the vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose as veggies are food and have feelings too and Should not be used as decorative objects to amuse people then came the guys in the Greenpeace truck They asked if I was using low sulfur coal I said search me and they said hand them over We'll have the analysis done and send you the bill then at 8 28 a guy drove by Roll down his window and yelled out racist because my snow people were white then at 8 31 The Muslim guy across the street looked at my snow woman and said where's the burqa at 8 40 the cops arrived Counted 10 people in my front yard and said let's have a look at your permit to assemble I said what he said. Oh, you don't have one. Well, it's a $200 fine

[05:41] If you don't go down to City Hall and get a permit ahead of time then at 8 42 my unhappy feminist neighbor Complained again. She said the broomstick on my snow woman had to be removed because it depicted women in a Subservient domestic role so I didn't fashion the cell phone out of ice in its place Then the cops who just handed me a $200 ticket said looks like you're also violating our collection of rainwater law about the fine We'll have to check on that at 8 45 the local TV news crew showed up the Asian lady reporter stuck a microphone In my face and said don't you think it's kind of a cruel and insensitive statement a snowman with no eyes Some people will construe that as blind shaming then she said what do you propose to do next?

[06:28] And I said I think I'm gonna nail you right in the kisser with a couple of snowballs She said snowballs That's sexist. So by 9 o'clock Protesters arrived calling me terrorist racist sexist homophobic almost every nasty name you could think of except the n-word We don't use that in Canada. Then at 9 10 social services arrived and took away my kid Then Johnny, I heard this strange ringing this ringing in my head suddenly I Opened my eyes. It was my alarm. It just went off. I'd had a nightmare I got up looked out the window and it was snowing but no snowman no Johnny I decided right then and there no more snowmen in my life. That's why I'm in Latin America

[07:16] Scouting things out plan B. Here I come then she says oh and Johnny. I forgot there's one more Unrelated reason why I'm down in Latin America right now It's M F and cold in Canada, and I just can't deal with the torture of going outside anymore And I'm tired of lying to everyone about how much I love hockey and skiing You know us Canadians have our own kind of collective denial about cold snow and ice We talk about how we love it all that is until We take our first trip far south and see how the rest of the world lives in comfort Signed Rubia Caliente, Canadian say Formerly a cold Canadian blonde who's warm and comfortable and gonna stay that way

[08:05] Alright blondie Caliente. Thanks for that one. You know blondie. I feel for you I'm from way up north to Chicago, and it's pretty much like Canada most of the time talk about collective delusions in Chicago People lie about how much they love winter sports to hey you make do with what you grew up with and what's available to you Right I mean look you grew up in Inuit you eventually learned to love chewing on whale blubber Now as far as me as for snow and ice I've always hated it Though I like the Hollywood version You know like blanket of snow on Christmas Eve and all that but man they never show you what happens the next day Do they especially if you live in the big city even a small city? You know what a fresh blanket of snow looks like after rush hour traffic It's just muddy watery slush that you track back into the house in your car

[08:54] And if you don't shovel it off your driveway and sidewalk after a couple hours It's a pain in the ass and gets dangerously slippery and these days up in the first row you better have that umbrella coverage paid up And then you've got those Latinos Latin Americans who've never visited the states or Canada and man I'll tell you they've got some fantasy about what it's like to live up in Cleveland You know over the years I've mingled with many Latinos who've never been to the states But sure would love to get there now as far as the dream of visiting the states I've heard pretty much the same top 10 wish list come out of almost everyone's mouth Number one of that list is almost always can you guess visiting Disney World yep in fact just two days ago

[09:39] I heard another Latina. Tell me about her great desire in life taking her mom and her kid to Disney World How creative all right now? Can you guess the rest of the top five Latino coming to America wish list and no particular order? It goes something like this To visit New York to visit my jammy to live in the US legally get a green card And of course to see touch and play in snow Which is why and this always cracks me up it seems every single Latino I know who goes up to the states for the first time and sees snow They make this huge photo up out of it and smear it all over their social media in fact It's become a kind of a badge of honor a status symbol for a Latino to host photos of themselves

[10:25] Having snowball fights making snowmen and diving in the stuff in Latino culture It's instant status showing that you got the money to go up to the states in the first place and that you probably visited New York Which unlike my jammy does have its snow days So it's not surprising the hottest most desirable profile photo on social media is a Latino horsing around in the snow To Latinos that's instant bragging rights however Latinos that actually live up in the northern parts of the states in Canada They know the downsides of living in that kind of crappy weather Nevertheless they too will post social media profile pictures of themselves horsing around in the snow because they know the folks back home will see it as Proof that they're living el sueño a maricano the American dream

[11:13] It's almost as if they get some kind of pleasure out of rubbing it into the folks back home for Latinos It's all about the show So they go out in the snow in the cold they put on a happy face Even though they really hate that kind of weather and are freezing their asses off Just like all of us who lived up north But for Latinos who haven't experienced that you can't dissuade them of that snowman snowball fight fantasy. Yep It's just another symptom of way too much cable TV. All right back to the emails Here's one that says Johnny. Have you ever had a significant head injury? No, but I did notice even as a very small kid that I didn't quite fit in with the other kids But you know, there were no psychotropic meds for kids back then All right, here's one from stew. He says Johnny does

[12:00] Anyone in Mexico or the rest of Latin America like Donald Trump? He says I'm from Detroit and Latinos I meet they absolutely despise Trump. So I assume it's like that or even worse in Latin America What's your take? Hey good question But you know what Trump almost never comes up in regular conversation Even long ago when he was first running for president Well, I have to say the first six months of his term most poor and working-class Latinos were scared to death Because you know practically every middle and lower middle-class Latin family has a few illegal friends and relatives up in the states And a lot of them who I met known had been up in the states and deported themselves Then what had him scared?

[12:45] Well all the rhetoric all the talk about it the new wall and beefing up ice in the military to really get serious about deporting illegals and that scared the hell out of the majority of Latinos because Can you guess remisses? You know the millions and billions sent back from the United States to families back home via services like Western Union and money grant By the way, just as an aside Can you imagine how rich Western Union money gram and the other international money transferring services are since they get 5 to 10 percent of all the dough that's transferred and that's why Western Union the like are so Afraid of crypto currencies like Bitcoin because they know in time crypto currencies are absolutely gonna kill their bottom line

[13:31] In fact, they're getting a good dose of the future as they're experiencing what's happening in Venezuela and in many African countries right now because for some time now no one's been able to send Western Union or money gram to Venezuela and Remisses more than ever are part of their lifeline So Western Union and the rest of those gouging scam artists money transfer services are scared to death of crypto currencies Especially Bitcoin because you can send practically any amount of money for under a buck So think of it if a Latino in Chicago wanted to send 500 bucks to his grandma and Salvador by Western It would cost 50 bucks But if he sent the same amount or a hundred or a thousand times that much using Bitcoin or other cryptos He'd pay under a buck for the privilege, but I digress as usual. Where are we?

[14:20] Oh, yeah, talking about the hatred of Trump in Latin America So there was a lot of fear in the first six months Trump got elected But practically nothing's really happened with all the rhetoric and threats that you heard about in the news I'm telling you basically nothing In fact, if you look at the remisses that have been coming back to Latin American countries since Trump's been elected You'll see in every single country case remisses have not decreased but increased So how's that possible if more Latinos don't cross into the states because they're afraid or more are deported You'd logically assume that remisses would be on the decline, but just the opposite So are all the Latinos in the states getting raises? Yet think or could there be even more illegal flooding and getting jobs and sending money back. What's your guess?

[15:11] So you tell me how does that square with what you've been hearing up in the states? Oh, and there's a PS attached to this email says Johnny if you were king of the world How would you fix the problems in Latin America? So there wouldn't be big caravans of illegals sneaking across the border? Hmm. Good question. Let me think Well for starters, I'd make rag-a-thon illegal and put pitbull and daddy Yankee on the chain gang second I'd eliminate all handouts and welfare to immigrants for the first two years here in the country third I'd make all drugs legal in the US now about having a moratorium on government programs for immigrants You did know or maybe you didn't there are about 90 government welfare handout programs You can get on or is it 60? Anyway way too many notice how I didn't say anything about building a wall

[16:01] Anyway by legalizing drugs up in the United States Suddenly no one in the third world could make any money producing them In fact, if you want proof on how well that works, did you know that Holland, you know the Dutch they've had legal marijuana bars and stores For years now and you know what if you talk to people who were in the legal pot business over there You'll find out they're all pissed off at the USA They say legalization in the states is ruin the steady flow of gringo tourists looking to partake of some legalized pot Sure They have some steady pot tourism from other European countries But the new pot laws in the states have killed a big part of their tourism So pretty soon when the rest of the world catches up with legalization, they'll be back to just tulip and windmill tours again

[16:49] Meanwhile, they're saying American gringo marijuana tourism is down 40% in Holland All right. Now we'll turn to a subject that's on the mind of every gringo expat gonna be in wanna be I've got Willie Here he just sent me a link to an article that came out just yesterday The title gringo prices and how gringos and expats survive economically in the Latin culture and as usual I'll paraphrase and add my two or three cents as necessary because it's my show and I can do that It starts los precios gringos or gringo pricing Also known as the gringo gouge or gringo tax is a hot topic in virtually all Expat gringo communities, of course those terms refer to the price you pay over and above

[17:36] What the locals pay for the same goods and services simply because you're a foreigner All right, me Johnny here so far so good But it kind of shows that whoever wrote this article hasn't been in Latin America too long because the truth is if you're a gringo When you speak pretty good Spanish, you will not get hit for gringo prices for one thing if you happen to be in a market There's gonna be a lot of people around mostly Latinos and you'll hear what locals are paying for those items and how they're negotiating Things and you've got no such advantage if you can't understand or speak Spanish All right Then the article says it's a time-honored tradition a game almost a national sport to pick up a little extra De Niro from clueless tourists gringos and expats, especially newly arrived ones

[18:23] Chances are probably a hundred percent that you yourself were gouged most likely minutes after your arrival and you never even realized it Though to be fair what we refer to as gringo pricing can be applied to almost any naive shopper or buyer of services anywhere in the world We use the term only as a convenient handle that most expats understand and do relate to Some of the most common places to get nicked are in small shops and stores where prices aren't marked and the proprietor has an opportunity To size you up before determining the final price You won't find that in change stores supermarkets department stores and franchises from the first world where items are stickered and final prices computerized Probably the number one place you're gonna get gouges at fruit and vegetable markets the Mercados when you shop by yourself

[19:15] especially You'll pay a higher price If you shop with a local Latino and let them do the negotiating the price will almost always be lower Alright me Johnny again, you know A lot of people let their maids do their shopping they give them a list and believe me when she's in the market She will get the lowest prices that can be had but that doesn't mean she's gonna pass all of that savings On to you if you get my drift. So then is that stealing? Well, technically yes But here in Latin America even with your supposedly trustworthy made slash cleaning lady doing the shopping in her mind she's doing you a big favor by getting you the lowest price even though chances are she's made out a little or Maybe tucked away a few vegetables and goodies for poppy and the kids at home

[20:01] Though to you and a spring goes that kind of skimming is definitely a breach of confidence Worthy of getting canned but to her it's sort of reasonable and customary and what everyone does I'm sure you heard me tell the story before about the maintenance man. I had who stole the radio from me I caught him in the act and canned him. He couldn't believe I'd fire him for such an offense his justification Well, I had three radios in the house and he had none According to his logic the person could only listen to one radio at a time. So I had to too many You can see the fractured thinking there, but this is Latin America Alright, then the article says another manifestation of gringo gouging or gringo pricing is the curious way in which prices seem to change almost

[20:48] Automatically always higher when they're quoted a second time For example, you could be shopping in a reputable computer store the owner or salesperson might speak some English That's sometimes the case with tech. He'll say the price is 25 bucks So then you walk around peruse a few other things and come back and grab the box and go to the counter The prices suddenly changed to 35 bucks. And when you protest he just might deny it Or just give you a shrug and a look like God only knows or it's out of my hand And it's much worse when dealing with landlords For example, it's not uncommon for a landlord to say that rent for an office space is 170 bucks a month and then when you come back to pay a week later

[21:35] Suddenly the price has gone up to 200 a month and when you question it the landlord just might say well That's for electricity Even though the place just might have one or two bare fluorescent balls hanging from a wire on the ceiling Take for example, just getting a simple shoeshine If you walk up to a shoeshine guy and ask for a shoeshine without negotiating the price first Look out because you're in for the gouge Instead of charging the normal rate 50 cents to a buck You just might get hit for two three or even four bucks And even if you argue it out with the kid He'll tell you it was because he had to put on extra wax or extra polish took longer than he thought because the shoes Were grungy, but realize since you haven't actually forked the money over yet You're in kind of a position to negotiate by then you could usually get him down to half of what he asked for

[22:26] Which is still way too much. All right me Johnny again You know, I see that shoeshine bit happened all over Latin America You go to the airport or a gringo tourist area. They want two three four bucks for a shine However, when you're off the trail, it's 25 to 50 cents The fact is I've had shoeshine boys in gringo areas try to hit me for three bucks And I can get them down to 50 cents or a buck the normal price in around two seconds my secret Well, it's no secret. I just say look I can go down to so-and-so wherever you can get the same shine for 50 cents Take it or leave it and guess what they take it Oh, and there's that typical Latin gringo trap where the shoeshine guy Porter tuk-tuk driver Whatever when you ask him how much he'll say pay me in the end. Whatever you think is fair in most cases

[23:14] He's gotcha, especially if you don't speak Spanish What are you a fresh green gringo know about the price of things in almost all cases when you make a deal like that? You overpay All right back to the article it says lately the most egregious case of gringo gouging we've seen occurred at one of the pharmacies a veterinarian prescribes some anti-fungal meds for an expats pet schnauzer at the Famicia, she was quoted $292 for 120 tablets for her dog She was shocked and when she discussed it with her veterinarian He said some pharmacists when they see a gringo will always pick the most expensive brand Even though they've got very cheap generics sitting right there on the shelf

[24:01] Since there are lots of pharmacies around she went to another parmascia where she bought the 120 pills for $20, so the first pharmacy tried to charge her 15 times as much. All right meet Johnny here again I've seen that happen over and over to the good thing is in most Latin American cities There are so many chain pharmacies and mom-and-pop pharmacies to even government-run subsidized pharmacies if you're around long enough and have the time to check it out unless you're talking about proprietary drugs that have no generic yet You can almost always do better than the quote you get from the first pharmacy you walk into With some pharmacies charging one two three even five times as much as others again We're talking about generics and drugs and supplements that are made in Latin America

[24:48] There's a big difference in price, you know You can get a generic that's made let's say in England France China India Malaysia Whatever or generic or local brand name drug that's made in Latin America. Just shop around and keep your eyes open All right, then the article says what would you do if that happened to you and you realized you'd really been ripped off Do you get pissed off? Do you want revenge you want to call the pharmacist or vet out in front of everyone scream at him Call him a ripoff artist cause a scene write an op-ed piece about it and a local gringo rag Which they probably won't publish anyway because they don't like negative stories. It hurts tourism Well, one of the problems is in places like Cuenca Ecuador where the expat mostly gringo population Has exploded that huge influx of gringos has caused many locals

[25:38] Especially businessmen to believe that gringos are disrespecting their local culture. Some of them think why not Disrespect the gringo and return. Let's gouge them The other thing is the fact that in Latino culture business owners almost never think about Cultivating future sales, which of course is all about reputation and positive word of mouth they're in it for the moment to make a sale right now get the money in their hand as One Latino put it when you're doing everything you can to survive today. You rarely give much thought to tomorrow That's how average Latinos and Latino businessmen feel so then what about upper-middle-class Latinos even wealthy ones who are business owners and don't really need the money to make the sale today for them It's kind of a sport a challenge or even a tradition what you're dealing with is a Latino mindset

[26:27] For example a passenger in a taxi finds a wallet on the floor. He sees it contains a hundred bucks Plus some IDs credit cards and such usually you can almost bet on it He'll take the money and give the wallet back to the driver and say look I found this He won't feel bad or deceitful about in fact. He'll feel pretty good He'll tell himself God was good to me today And he'll mean it sincerely and he'll also feel righteous because the wallet IDs credit cards and such will be returned to the owner Maybe depends on the cab driver Bottom line until you can speak a little bit of Spanish when buying and selling don't expect to be treated like a local And I think whatever you pay even if you've overpaid don't get mad at the people or yourself because there's an old English saying

[27:15] Charge what the traffic will bear all right meet Johnny again some good stuff in there What do you think about the gringo gouge or gringo prices now? Okay time enough for one more email. It says Johnny. Have you ever had a significant head injury? You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America if you need some help with your own plan B You can schedule a one-on-one phone call with me But first download my free plan B questionnaire at www dot the new expat calm better yet If you want to get your plan B going from right up there in the states Just sign up for my 9-hour expat essentials course get the perfect plan B blueprint by going to the expat files comm Academy