#860 – The Expat Files: Life, Work, and Living in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started So people have been asking what's become of expat Eddie? Well, I hadn't seen the infamous Eddie for over half a year now, but just last week I happened to stop in Medellin, Colombia That's why you got that little update on Medellin real estate on the last show and Eddie and I hooked up again

[00:49] Well, naturally we decided to stay at the same hotel and when we picked up our bags and headed out the door I said Eddie how long do you think it will take for the hotel shuttle to get here? Because you know and practically all the big cities in Latin America that are near an international airport They'll have a hotel shuttle service most of the times it's included when you book a room Which is a huge relief for gringos and expats who don't speak Spanish and who've never been to a particular Latin City or airport Before talk about feeling like a fish out of water Have you ever landed or changed planes in an airport where no one speaks English? It's an experience and it's usually not good. So anyway, I said to Eddie. Where's the shuttle then Eddie said No hotel shuttle service for us. We're going with my friend. Dr. Chuck. He's picking us up I said, dr. Chuck do I know him? He said probably not

[01:37] He's just a gringo who's been down here a long long time almost as long as you then about three minutes later Eddie said there he is across the street So we walked across the street dodge and traffic over to a white Ford escape That's Ford escape by the way There are lots of those Ford escapes down here four by four big wheels heavy-duty suspension and pretty cheap Just what you need not a full-size SUV Which I don't really like that much because you can't park them anywhere and you get all kinds of dings in the parking lots But afford escapé escape is a smaller SUV kind of on the order of Toyota RAV4 Which is also a great car to have down here Oh and another great mini SUV to have down here a Suzuki Vittara those things are practically indestructible

[02:24] But the Ford escape is a lot cheaper So if you're buying a new one the Toyotas are a couple grand more by the way You see a lot of older Toyota RAVs Suzuki Vittaras and Ford escapés still chugging away down here after 20 even Five years even with the crappy roads and the lack of maintenance That's a pretty good feat and says a lot about the quality or at least the durability of a car So my pick if you're gonna own a car here in Latin America It should be a mini SUV Like one of the three previously mentioned or if you're a do-it-yourselfer and like to tinker or you live out in the boonies a pickup truck But not one of those massive Ford 150 instead. You just can't park anywhere We're talking about something like a Nissan or Mazda or at Toyota Hilux But you don't need four by four unless you're out in the boonies

[03:11] Why because if you live in the city all you worry about is potholes and Tumalo So those big speed bumps and practically any standard pickup truck could take those with ease But I digress as usual. Anyway, we walked up to dr. Chuck's white Ford escapés He was a dock all right on the back window. He had a sticker You know that well-known medical symbol a snake wrapped around a rod by the way You know what they call that little icon. You see it on doctor stationary hospitals pharmacies everywhere It's called the rod of a sepulis and caduceus. Of course that rings a bell from your freshman 102 Greek course, right? Uh-huh. By the way, don't you think it's a little strange that the universal medical icon is a snake wrapped around a stick? How'd that happen? Well, you know the snake has always been a part of human iconography. Is that a word?

[04:02] Well, anyway, you got snakes appearing all the way back to the Garden of Eden, right? So go figure why the docks use it another one of life's mysteries, huh? Like whatever happened to Joe Pesci Anyway, we threw our bags in the trunk of the docks car Eddie got in the front seat I got in the back then Eddie introduced me to the doc who looked like he was just on the edge of going native So why did I think that well his ashtray was overflowing with cigarette butts and he had a big Old bulbous red alcoholic nose though come to think of it. That's kind of par for the course for a lot of u.s. Docs, right? So anyway, the ashtray was overflowing with butts in the car reeked of cigarettes at the same time The doc had his stethoscope hanging from the rearview mirror. I thought that's a nice touch

[04:50] Oh and he had a slightly rumpled doctor smock draped over the headrest on the passenger side from all appearances He was an overweight out of shape alcoholic with a two or three pack a day smoking habit He was right out of central casting for a government doc then as Eddie handed him the dough to pay for the parking I said, what kind of doctor are you then Eddie answered for him and said we call him. Dr. Chuck ain't that right doc Then Eddie laughed and winked and said we call him doc because he knows a little about everything But he's really not then I said wait a minute. Wait a minute. You mean you've got all this doctor paraphernalia And you're really not you mean to say you're practicing medicine and you're not really a doc I said don't worry I won't tell as long as you don't practice on me then he laughed and said no, it's not like that at all

[05:39] He said it's just that when I came down to Medellin a dozen years ago I don't know why but I just kept getting pulled over by the cops and they'd nail me for bribes It was costing me a ton of money worse yet. I didn't have a local driver's license Not even a US driver's license. So they nailed me every time then he admitted He was a bad boy up in Texas too many DUIs and they took his license away from him So when I came down to Medellin He said I had no driver's license and I couldn't get a Colombian license until I got my residency Which took about two years I kept getting stopped and fined and stopped and extorted and stopped and fine Until he said one day I got stopped that one of those big routine checkpoints and the guy in front of me Was a doc had the little medical sticker on the windshield

[06:26] He was wearing his smock and when he got pulled over along with me and some others the cop walked up to him So I was a doc and just waved him on No discussion gave him a pass just smiled and said go ahead doc Then he said that's when a light bulb went off in my head Then he said I went to a drugstore bought one of those cheap blood pressure kits comes You know with an inflatable cuff and a stethoscope sent me back like 20 bucks I bought the white smock just a lab coat at one of the uniform supply stores had my name embroidered on it Dr. Charles aka. Dr. Chuck and I went online to one of those photo ID sites You can get an official-looking ID for any career nurse. Dr. Astronaut cop, you name it They'll make one up for you for like 15 bucks and I carry that thing in my wallet next to my international driver's license and cost

[07:17] Go card. He said I have a real driver's license, too I got one right after I got my residency here But he said if you drive you're gonna get pulled over and especially now that the gringos are piling into Medellin We're prime extortion targets for the cops. I should say they other gringos not Dr. Chuck He said I can't tell you how many times I've been pulled over at one of those routine stops and they just wave me on Through fact he said I never even had to pull out that fake medical ID card or even my driver's license Though a couple of times I've had a cop asked me what a gringo doctor is doing down here I just said no hablo espanol good Then I'd say medicos sin fronteras that means doctors without borders never fails He said thank you says I found I don't even have to lie and tell him I'm a doctor

[08:04] They look at me assume it right off the bat and just let me go Then he said of course I've got a plan B and C in my mind in case someone actually does try to grill me But it's never happened. I've never really had to explain myself Then I asked him because I'm nosy. What do you mean plan B and C? What's that all about? He said I figure if they got too inquisitive I just say I'm on my way to the hospital for an emergency Then he said I've been down here long enough I know what the names of a few big hospitals and clinics so I'm ready with that story But I've never had to use it then he said normally if you're a gringo, especially a tourist cops can be jerks But you'd be amazed the kind of respect you get when they see that stethoscope dangling from your rearview mirror I said yeah, I gotta hand it to you

[08:51] That's a nice touch and you know all the while I was thinking wish I'd have thought of that But I had to ask what happens if there's a real emergency Let's say there's a car accident and people are looking at you thinking you're a doc and you're supposed to do something then what? He said no worries. I was in the military. They taught me CPR kind of besides that He said I can do the Heimlich maneuver as well as the next guy. I said oh really have you ever had to do it He said no have you well truth be told some years back I performed the Heimlich on an ex-girlfriend and saved her life though looking back on it now I kind of wish I never got the memo What a jerk, huh? Oh and on a similar note I don't think I mentioned this in a previous show But it's a good story a friend of mine from Chicago came down my brother around maybe two years ago now

[09:41] And he's one of these bonafide mail-order preachers He sent in for the church of whatever to get a certificate and tax exemption status so that he could perform Marriages legally in his case he found there was a niche to fill in unconventional marriages you see before he got into this Padre business he was a professional photographer and video guy he'd do all kinds of weddings Anniversaries graduations parties and such he was doing all right, but then about five years ago or so a strange thing happened up by you And uncle Sam land little by little states allowed people of any gender or persuasion to get married gays lesbians Thespians whatever even so they could only be married in a civil ceremony traditional churches like Catholic

[10:26] Piscopalian Lutheran the Jewish faith etc wouldn't allow those kind of marriages in their churches and temples so Paul said around that time he'd be filming some kind of event and Inevitably a gay or lesbian person would walk up and say do you know of any padre a religious person who could perform a wedding a non Denominational religious ceremony in a house or a park or on a cruise ship whatever you're a wedding photographer You must know someone well It was an all-new kind of thing and he didn't know anyone But he said the request just kept on coming and soon enough he thought hey Maybe I'll do it looks like there's money in this because gay couples Especially you have a lot of disposable income and purchasing power because most of them don't have any kids So he got an online slash mail-order theology degree and diploma legit too in the eyes of the law

[11:17] You know there's tons of different online churches out there Church of the sacraments St. Mattress our Lady of perpetual motion to misname a few oddly enough yet Send in your dough and a few Wheaties box stops I think and they send you back a diploma you're ordained you're legal You're a padre and it's legal for you to perform a marriage. Of course, I don't know the ins and outs of it But that's what he's doing. He's making a ton of money. He's got a nice website I think he says the minimum he charges for just a one-hour gig is like 300 bucks or so And man, he said can those gay guys tip but lesbians he said by and large are tightwads Could be he said because so many of them are public school teachers. Hey, it's just a theory His theory not mine. I know you're thinking what's this got to do with Latin America

[12:04] Well, he came down around two years ago with my brother and it seemed he was on the phone all the time and I said Man, I'll just turn that thing off. You're on vacation. Relax. Have a good time He said well, I have to answer inquiries to my website Then he showed me his upcoming schedule for the next month and man it was balls to the wall No pun intended. He was doing something like 50 weddings sometimes three in a day Now here's the Latin connection when I picked him up at the airport He was wearing a nice powder blue short sleeve shirt and an unmistakable Roman collar You know the usual Catholic priests get up now He like me went to Catholic schools all their lives through high school and we know the power of a guy who's wearing that Roman collar A priest he's like the special anointed one in any crowd of Catholics now at the airport

[12:51] I asked my buddy why he was wearing a Catholic Roman collar when he wasn't a priest not that kind of priest He said there's no law against it. I am a padre and it really opens the doors Especially in Latin America where 80 to 90 percent of the people are Catholic or say they are anyway and sure enough man He was sprinkled with angel dust a minute. He walked off that plane It started instantly as he strolled toward me There was a short dark Latino guy carrying his bags for now My brother followed right behind him and he was carrying his own bed When we got to the parking lot and into my car guess what the little Latino guy hauling father Paul's bags Would not accept the tip from Paul. Why because of the collar man. All right full disclosure here, you know, Paul

[13:37] Childhood buddy of mine is the biggest tightwad I know man I can tell you stories of how cheap this guy is going all the way back to kindergarten and the funny thing is his Parents had dough at least a lot more than my parents had I'll always remember when we were kids He got a nice allowance every weekend. I got zero in fact get this His dad used to give me 50 cents to wash his car because his own kid said let Johnny do it I don't need the money. He was just one of those kids who asked for something and his parents gave it to him Hmm sound familiar Anyway, all during that two weeks. They were down. He wore that Catholic Roman collar and did that thing work like a charm man I never saw anything like it his gringo advantage was turbocharged Of course, the downside was he'd occasionally have to bless a certain number of kids dogs and old ladies

[14:24] That's par for the course. If you're a padre now He's a guy who actually loves his job loves the attention he gets that got me to thinking man What a great scam that would be Somewhat like dr. Chuck though in this case get yourself a nice pressed shirt and a Roman collar Keep it in a bag in the backseat of your car And if you get pulled over the cops or end up at one of those roadblocks, well, I think you know how it's gonna go down I know you're thinking is Johnny serious? Just a little thought experiment, you know Oh and when Paul was here I naturally asked where'd you get that collar anyway and he directed me to a website a Catholic liturgical supply website that has Everything in anything needed to outfit a priest a monk a nun or even a church itself So he showed me the site. It's kind of like Amazon for Catholics

[15:12] But you don't have to be a priest or a church lady to order from there You just select your items put them in a cart select credit card or PayPal and you're off to the races Now if only they took Bitcoin, I wonder anyway, a couple of months after my brother and padre Paul got back to Chicago a little package arrived for me at my Mail forwarding service out of Miami. Hmm. What could it be? What could it be? You probably guessed a powder blue short sleeve shirt in a Roman collar I think the church lady if she was still around would say in that sweet But it was a gift and it's the thought that counts, right? Except to say my thoughts these days on Catholic priests are not good ones It would be an understatement to say that collar does not have the cache it used to

[15:57] Especially since a lot of the bent ones are ending up in prison. All right time for a disclaimer You knew one was coming right? I'm not recommending you do any of these things I'm just here to fill you in on some of the strange antics certain gringos and expats are up to once they get down to Latin America, then there's the question of whether it's illegal or not to dress up like a priest or a doctor I mean look as expat Eddie likes to point out people dress up in uniforms and roleplay all the time That's what Hollywood and Halloween are all about not to mention porno flicks Alright, you know when we started to show off today I was talking about the high price of things in Medellin Colombia, especially the district of Pablo Well recently I was there and hooked up with some real estate people to check out the bubble that none of the real letters Seemed to think exists which is par for the course, you know

[16:45] Well, I purposely got on their mailing list which has its pluses and minuses At least you could see what things are going for at least in the realtor's eyes And it allows you to see just how sky-high the prices really are and how so many realtors these days are targeting their ads to gringos and expats because they're pretty much the only ones that can afford to buy properties at such inflated prices Because you know its gringos living up in the states who don't speak Spanish who come down and take the bait as suckers as opposed to Latinos Latinos know the value of property in their neighborhoods that said I'd like to call your attention to a few of the so-called Excellent fire sale deals of the week in Medellin Colombia. These quote deals popped up in my email box this morning Oh, and isn't it funny all the ads and the write-ups and the web pages are in English that my friends is red flag number one

[17:37] But you knew that already, right? So anyway, this Medellin real estate guy sent me three listings this morning first one Condo, it's about 1,300 square feet in Pueblado the most expensive district in all of Medellin probably all of Colombia It's two bedrooms three bathrooms and two parking spaces. Now. Here's what you have to remember your parking space or spaces They're included with residential towers, you know, they must be protected from the Sun That could be wide open like a breezeway But man, no direct sunlight on your car or your car in just a few short years will look like a white trash mobile Anyway, the realtor sent me some nice photos of this unit with the usual rundown. It's got 24-hour security That's normal close to public transport. That's normal. It's got a little gym inside close to supermarkets, etc

[18:26] Etc and the price for this 1,300 square foot two-bedroom condo only 300,000 bucks now to me and I've looked at lots and lots of these types of condos and apartments throughout many big cities in Latin America This thing's only worth about half of that or less But you see there's a hell of a real estate bubble in Medellin Columbia, especially in those four districts I mentioned in a previous show and you know, there's that one district everyone wants to live in Pueblado Now if you want my medium and short-range projection I'm thinking within a year or two There will be so much of an oversupply of these kinds of condos and apartments most of them being in residential towers By the way that some of them perhaps most of them will be sitting empty for years on end The thing is during the first six months even a year where there's nobody even looking at the place still the owners

[19:16] Just won't budge on the price even though month after month. They're losing money on the maintenance fees But sooner or later they'll see the light you'll be able to really lowball them because they're bleeding cash And if they don't take an offer, they'll go bankrupt. Meanwhile, the bubble expands in search of a pin Alright now on to property number two this one in an area called Astorga in El Pablo the most desirable area in Medellin It's also a two-bedroom in a residential tower, but this one's only around 950 square feet now this one offers pretty much the same amenities as our previous unit except It's a lot smaller and the price around 240 G's again about twice what it's really worth Alright, last but not least here's another listing in a residential tower like the other ones. It's

[20:05] 1000 square feet, but this one's only one bedroom two bathrooms now for my money You don't want to buy a one-bedroom place unless you're strictly using it as a rental or Airbnb and again It's location location location And of course that could work out for you for a while for a couple of years as a rental if you're well situated Anyway till that big first-world reset button gets pushed because then when there's a big economic political or social blowout You can bet that belts will get tightened and the first industry to suffer Tourism believe me when tourism tanks all bets are off on the rentals That's why I always say if you're gonna buy anything in Latin America make it at least two bedrooms because you might end up living there Sure, you can always start out with the idea that it's gonna be a rental

[20:51] But think of you and your family first for that plan B getaway So anyway, we've got this thousand square foot one-bedroom apartment going for around 220 G's yep 220 G's for a one-bedroom still if you ask me it's twice what it's worth Oh, and I forgot to mention all of those listings aren't fairly new residential towers no more than five years old Oh and they all have a monthly maintenance fee of around a hundred to 150 bucks a month now about residential towers in a way I like them a lot because you can just close them up and leave for months at a time No problem. They generally have very good security You got to check in with the guards of the entrance before you get in the common garage You'll have an electric door You'll have a remote for that and in many of the newer buildings you have a passkey that allows you to use the elevator

[21:39] Without it. It won't move. They also generally have a common gymnasium pool jacuzzi and part of your banquet area and Depending on the square foot of your apartment and the number of common amenities. That'll be reflected in your maintenance fee For a new or fairly new residential tower. You're looking at usually a dollar a square foot per month In other words a thousand square feet a hundred bucks a month, which begs the question What if you're way behind on paying your maintenance fees? Well, they'll cut your water off then they'll cut your propane gas feed You'll find most residential towers have a gas feed to each kitchen and oddly enough that and water Are not metered they're included in your maintenance cost now. Here's how they do it generally There's an underground parking garage and usually they have a huge restaurant sized propane gas tank

[22:27] That looks like kind of an extra wide torpedo and that feeds into a panel of regulators one for each apartment What you'll also usually see in the underground parking garage is a panel full of electric meters Each unit is metered for electricity and you will pay for the monthly use but oddly enough as mentioned most Residential buildings won't charge you for water or propane gas, which is why almost everyone in residential towers cooks with a gas stove Why not the gas is sort of free though? You're paying for it with your maintenance bill now There's something about having quote free gas that doesn't make sense Almost no one I know who lives in one of these residential towers gringos or Latinos is using a gas dryer And of course it stands to reason that people who live in residential towers are fairly upscale people

[23:13] So they're gonna have a dryer, but they're almost always electric and they use a ton of energy I don't get it as long as I've lived in Latin America. I've had a gas dryer Yes, they're available in most appliance stores, but oddly enough few people use them In fact in those appliance stores, there's probably one gas model for every 10 electric models Of course, the gas models are slightly more expensive by maybe 50 bucks. But in the long run, that's nothing I just don't get it Especially if you're living a residential tower with a gas is free or virtually free, you know what I mean But do take into account if you live in an older residential tower one That's maybe 20 years old or more you get the water included in your maintenance But the free gas thing is usually not an option Unlike the newer towers the buildings aren't plumbed with gas pipe

[23:58] Now I tell you what if I lived in a residential tower I owned a unit in one I buy a hundred pound tank of propane and put it in the closet for a rainy day I don't care if I was in a new building that's plumbed for gas or an old building that doesn't have gas now a hundred pound Tank costs around a hundred bucks empty to fill it Maybe 50 bucks and a regulator for your gas stove and gas dryer Maybe 20 bucks that means if and when the poop hits the ventilator You'll have a great insurance policy and enough gas to cook for an entire year But in a crisis, what about water and electricity? Well a really nice portable that means movable all-in-one converter and lithium Ion unit and a couple of 200 watt portable suitcase solar panels would do nicely That'll probably run you around a grand, but that's an excellent insurance policy, too

[24:46] We're talking about a portable not a whole house solar power system But it'll get you through in a pinch and as for the details on a portable solar system We'll get to that very soon same with setting up a reserve water supply when things go haywire We'll get to that very soon, too Alright, let's talk about buying an apartment or a condo in one of these residential towers I mean you might find a desperate seller in a really good deal never know if that's what you're looking for Search and you will find now, you know, there are some really beautiful high-quality Well located older buildings and any medium and large latin town problem is you don't want to buy it unless they've been renovated Recently because I can tell you I've heard lots of horror stories from gringos We thought they had a great deal and an excellent place only to find out they had to do some

[25:32] Renovations in the plumbing and electrical that turned into a nightmare because many of those buildings have walls that are two foot thick and Undersize pipes and tubes and electrical wiring in any event if you're gonna buy a place You're gonna need a bank account in the country Otherwise you're gonna have to directly wire transfer the money from your US bank account to the seller now It's done that way sometimes but the problem is when you're wearing a large sum of money Overseas to an individual's account in a third world country that could be nerve-wracking That's why it's better to have a local bank account or wire it to lawyers pass through accountant He'll handle the rest then comes to business of deciding whether you want the property in your name or the name of an SA Corporation which keeps it well under the radar and offers other protections, etc

[26:18] Etc. Now you may have heard that in most latin countries if you buy a piece of property in your name You instantly qualify for permanent residency now There are some smart gringos who do it that way and after they get the residency documents They move the property into an SA corporation and now it's under the radar again You know, we'll be talking about all that and more at my upcoming expat insider seminar Oh and remember our seminar lawyer will be hanging around with us the whole week So he'll be there to advise you with anything you need to know about your own personal situation Now about the July seminar this show today show goes out on May 26th That means you've only got about six more days to get in on the early bird discounts because on June 1st The price reverts back to normal. Don't wait too long

[27:03] Don't dawdle to sign up now just go to www.thenewexpet.com and click on Johnny's seminar link Oh, and if you're looking to save even more money, you can request a roommate In fact, I've got one person now who's been asking about that option So if you're thinking about coming down to the seminar and you want a roommate, just shoot me an email the expat files at gmail.com Alright, we're at the end of the show now So tune in next time to hear more tips on how to buy into a residential tower here in Latin America You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B, you can schedule a one-on-one phone call with me But first download my free plan B questionnaire at www.thenewexpet.com Better yet if you want to get your plan B going from right up there in the States

[27:49] Just sign up for my 9-hour expat essentials course get the perfect plan B blueprint by going to the expat files.com Academy