#944 – The Expat Files: Life, Culture, and Crisis in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Alright got many things to talk about today getting scads of emails people asking what the hell's happening in Latin America regarding? Of course the coronavirus. Well as usual they're following US guidelines almost all Latin countries do

[00:46] On top of that almost all Latin American countries have a curfew now usually from four or five in the afternoon till sunrise But get this you longtime listeners know that in many past shows I've mentioned one of the things that really aggravates me about being down here in Latin America, you know, it's not perfect, right? But the good far outweighs the bad in any event One of the things that has always driven me crazy is that Latin Americans have a completely different concept of personal space Seems like they don't feel good until they're up front in your face and personal So if you're standing in light at a bank an ATM machine anywhere Latinos have no problem or shame Invading your space anytime anywhere and you know our personal space that's first world people It's around 12 inches or more if that space gets invaded by someone you don't know

[01:33] It's been shown that our blood pressure heart rate and alertness and anxiety Increase whether we notice it or not and personally, I don't like people leaning on me shuffling right up next to me or breathing In my personal space nor do I like tailgaters or people invading my vehicular space either There's another phrase. I think I just invented vehicular space. That might catch on don't laugh There's a real problem with that here in Latin America, too Just look how cars even the newest ones have multiple dings and scratches Though as far as Latinos invading your personal space man A string goes just can't stand that especially since here in Latin America amongst males anyway There's this epidemic of halitosis and it's absolutely due to according to frankly every dentists I've spoken to down here the fact that male Latinos think flossing is not manly. It's a girly thing

[02:24] So when you're down here in Latin America, just know that the female population is noticeably more hygienic than their male counterparts And that's not gonna change because this is a very macho society Hey, do you want the truth of what it's like living down here? Do you want me to sugarcoat it to tell you the truth many times I've thought why do these latinas put up with their man? The majority of them have so many defects many that can be easily fixed Look the fact that guys don't floss and halitosis prevails We're shit more than half of Latinos when they feel the urge just whip it out anytime Anywhere cuz the world is their urinal now that's utterly disgusting but easily fixed Then you've got the absolute fact that most Latinos are serial womanizers Then you've got all those Latino deadbeat dads that don't support their kids

[03:12] Of course, there are exceptions, but statistics don't lie In fact, I've sat down with numerous middle-class Latinos and we've spoken about those very subjects Yes, including flossing and you know what they all admit. It's true. Hey, at least they're honest Anyway in regards to this coronavirus thing every Latin American country is enforcing social distancing Which is completely contrary to the way Latinos go about their daily business, you know just this week I've been to banks pharmacies and supermarkets where they've actually put down tape and marked off Spacings of one meter surprise surprise the largest rental cops are actually enforcing the distance for once They have something to do besides naval gaze So in my mind, anyway, the positive secondary or tertiary effect of the virus thing

[03:59] Is that Latino males will no longer be halitotically polluting my space. Hmm. Did I just invent another word? It's a tongue twister so I can't see it catching on Oh and you know how Latinos love to shake hands and kiss or cheek bump when they greet someone Well, it looks like that's indefinitely off the menu too though It's true most gringos in time get used to the kissing cheek bump greeting because you know It's always females kissing females and females kiss and men It's almost never men kissing men unless you're in a gender challenged crowd Of course a kiss or a face bump greeting is also an invasion of your personal space So at first a lot of gringo males can be noticeably stiff and uptight about it I know I was cuz that's just not how people greet each other back and walk in Cleveland though

[04:46] Like anything you get used to it However with the virus looks like that tradition is being forcefully elbowed to the sidelines Oh and one more thing for all you guys and gals out there who have actually met me You might have picked up on the fact that I rarely shake hands I almost always fist bump and you know before this virus thing when someone would stick their hand out Expecting a shake and I'd throw out my fist often I'd get a puzzled look just for a second But they'd play along and with Latinos sometimes I'd get a real strange look I know they're thinking crazy gringo, but they'd play along too Anyway, the recent forced expansion of personal space here in Latin America is taking its toll Latinos don't seem to be happy about it at all In fact lately when I've been standing in line space to meet her apart from the next guy

[05:32] It's not hard to notice Latino behavior has changed a bit They're not the casual happy-go-lucky smiling friendly people that I knew pre coronavirus But I suppose the happiness factor or the happiness index has definitely dropped a few notches in every country though here in Latin America The forced social distancing thing seems to have put a damper on the mood and the energy here Now just as with the rest of the world There are hot spots of the coronavirus here in Latin America, too And you probably already know the conditions that make the virus more susceptible Number one if you're a smoker to have high blood pressure three Diabetes and now scientists are saying and I just read this this morning and it makes sense if you're overweight or obese It correlates with a seven times greater chance of catching the virus with a far greater chance of getting seriously ill from it

[06:22] And here's the rub. There's a big overweight and obesity problem here in Latin America It's even worse than in the States and three times as many Latin Americans per capita Smoked cigarettes with a third of the Latin population being diabetic or pre diabetic So those conditions along with the fact that Latinos use only a third to a quarter as much water as first world people To wash and bathe in which means there's not a whole lot of hand washing going on It's not that they resist or don't want to do it There's just a big water shortage here caused by the usual suspects corrupt lard ass shit for brains government slugs And again, I mean that in the most Christian sort of way The fact is they've got almost unlimited amounts of water here except it's very poorly managed You've heard the statistics before as for municipal or city water supplies only 50% of the water

[07:12] That's delivered through the pipes ends up coming out of the faucets because there are so many underground pipe leaks And remember though the word maintenance maintain a mental in Spanish. It's in the Spanish dictionary It doesn't mean the same thing down here than it does up by you down here It means when it breaks, we'll think about fixing it, but not today Manana, oh and don't forget. There's that traditional personal space distance here of about one to six inches So naturally before that one meter social distancing thing was strictly enforced only about a week or so ago now Everyone down here except gringo is the next pass. Of course. We're constantly kissing cheek bumping and breathing on each other In fact, the latest statistics are showing big outbreaks in poor areas, which makes perfect sense

[07:59] But also surprisingly enough there are some very active coronavirus hot spots in some of the wealthier areas, too So how'd that happen? The answer is simple if you think about it the wealthy people here in Latin America travel a lot They go to my jammy in New York and they love to jaunt back and forth to Spain the mother country That does explain a lot now speaking of coronavirus hot spots One of the biggest ones is an Ecuador where as of April 1st, and this is no April Fool's joke 26 Ecuadorian mayors have tested positive for the virus with six of them and counting reported to be too sick to carry out Any official functions now when expat Eddie who is pretty much of a chain smoker himself, so he's somewhat at risk When he found out that

[08:45] 26 mayors in Ecuador have the virus. He said 26 pathetic lard ass scumbags, huh? I guess maybe karma exists after all then Eddie said, you know You can see all over the internet that some people are saying the virus originally came from China created in a lab as a bioweapon Some people call that fake news. Of course, who knows? But think about it. He said suppose biochemists could actually target a virus to just hit politicians I mean really who in his right mind would complain about that? Hmm. What if what if hey? We could play the what-if game all day long Speaking of fake news, how about this one since the COVID 90 virus has hit one particular Latin country so hard That would be Ecuador now get this according to the Ecuadorian

[09:32] Attorney General's office as of April 1st, and this is no April Fool's joke either You can now be arrested for spreading fake news And if convicted can be imprisoned for up to five years Question is what is and what is not fake news and who's going to determine that? Seems to me by following that edict to the letter every single politician should be sitting in the slammer right now Because you and I well know the people most responsible for fake news are bureaucrats and government Spokesmen and if you don't believe that you have to read Edward Snowden's new book If you're interested, shoot me an email and I'll send you a copy Believe me after you read that or hear the audiobook you'll dust off your plan B and get that thing turbocharged Meanwhile things get crazier and crazier now that hospitals are completely overcrowded

[10:21] There's a big shortage of supplies emergency rooms are packed and because things are out of control and there's lots of chaos There are people trying to take advantage of the situation like for example this crazy-ass Latin American news report that just came out yesterday from where else? Ecuador title of the headline gringa arrested for skipping out on her hospital bill Let me read this translation here It says a female patient at a local Cuenca Ecuador Hospital was arrested in her hotel After managing to walk out of the hospital without paying her bill for a facelift It says she managed to unhook herself from her IV got dressed and evidently sneaked out when the nurses were busy with other patients an Employee of the hospital who asked not to be named said she had been a difficult demanding patient

[11:10] Well, that doesn't surprise me. That sounds like a lot of people. I know hey, it's all right to be demanding But to be difficult not good It says she threatened to sue because she was disappointed with the results of the surgery Also complaining the food was below standard the pillow too hard and the staff too slow to respond to her call button By the way, this is translated from the Cuenca daily newspaper El Mercurio point of fact here One of the major issues Latin Americans have with gringos and gringos and I've asked many of them no surprise They say we're difficult demanding however, and don't shoot the messenger here as far as the actual statistics I have heard over and over that gringo expats You know American and Canadian males they can be demanding but not necessarily difficult

[11:58] Whereas being labeled both demanding and difficult is often applied to gringos Talking about lady expats here, of course, not all of them But that seems to be the story I hear over and over again though. It's true There's nothing wrong with being demanding after all most of us got where we are today by being a bit demanding I mean we want excellence, right or as reasonably close to excellence as we can get One of the common traits of successful people is that they're demanding but being called difficult. That's another thing altogether Difficult could mean a couple of things could mean a person's a chronic complainer Just a straight-up call and or nearly impossible to please You gringos expats gonna be some wannabes out there know who you are The trick is when you come down here in Latin America

[12:43] You should try not to be one of those fact is after you arrive soon enough You're gonna realize things are not like back home. There are lots of little inconveniences and rough edges You'll see them everywhere the operative word being little not big traumatic or life-threatening Don't sweat the small stuff is the operative phrase again You'll have a lot of time on your hands And if you don't get yourself a hobby or something to do you just might end up sitting around by the pool Drinking a case of beer a day complaining your ass off reminds me of this lady I knew back in Chicago. No one could stand her She went a beautiful expensive gold bracelet at a charity event when she got up to accept it and put it on She looked at it lifted her hand up and down said really I can't wear this thing. It's too heavy Meanwhile back in Ecuador. I'm reading from that same newspaper now

[13:32] It says the corpses have been so overwhelming and why I kill Ecuador Several bodies have been found wrapped in plastic and left on the streets others have lain Unclaimed in hospitals and clinics that have been overwhelmed by the infections the city morgue is overflowing beyond capacity It says the government has confirmed 93 deaths But municipal officials say they have recovered at least 400 bodies in recent days So if you think governments don't create and disseminate lies and fake news think about what I just said The government of Ecuador has confirmed 93 deaths Meanwhile municipal officials have recovered at least 400 dead bodies in recent days In other words, the federal government is under reporting three-quarters of the deaths Alright on a lighter note. Have you noticed when somebody coughs or sneezes?

[14:22] Everything stops. It's as if the Pope farted at high mass, you know, you're in the grocery store Someone coughs and it's what the everyone stops for a second kind of jerking their heads back a half an inch I've seen it and if I feel like a cough is coming on with me I mean look everyone coughs once in a while, right? I tried like hell to suppress it I bet you have Bitcoin you do too. All right now for a couple of emails. This one's from Dave, man Do we have the Dave's he says hi Johnny. Thanks so much for your kindness You know, I've been called a lot of things before but never kind Well, thanks for that Dave. I have to tell my mother you said that of course, you'll never believe it Anyway, he says as a Cuban expatriate. I very much enjoyed your most recent podcast regarding Venezuela and Cuba

[15:08] I was six when I left Cuba So I'm not familiar with the things that your emailer Anna went through though to tell you the truth I can't get over the American love for socialism Then again, it's nothing new it actually goes way back to Woodrow Wilson and then later Franklin Roosevelt They were both avowed yet covert communists though Johnny just a small correction to your Spanish Regarding the term las manos de Dios meaning it's in the hands of God in Spanish All nouns have a gender las manos de Dios is feminine as always warmest regards signed David Well, thanks for that day, but do you really think I'm kind question is kind of what fill in the blank, right? Yeah, you know that gender thing is kind of confusing think about it

[15:56] Las manos de Dios is one of those confusing cases because manos as you say is feminine So you say las manos. However, God Dios is always masculine I'll tell you in this macho hemisphere. No one refers to God as a she in fact He's often referred to as senor or el señor loose translation the mister or mr. Big Which makes the question how can the hands of God be feminine? But when the words el señor God himself standalone is masculine kind of crazy, huh? If you figure it out clue me in there's plenty of that kind of gender confusion in the Spanish language I'll tell you which makes another question since up in the first world We've got what now 60 something genders The question is what are Spanish linguists and Spanish language textbook writers gonna do when the LGBG WTF crowd?

[16:48] Muscles up down here and starts putting on the pressure After all and you've heard this a million times before as the US goes eventually goes Latin America though Thank God or mr. Big that the lag time down here is 10 20 even 30 years Oh and one more thing Dave as far as your comment saying that you can't get over the American love for social Ism slash communism white, you know, who else can't get over it all the Venezuelans. I've been meeting lately In fact just the other day I was at a party in the presence of at least a dozen Venezuelanos who escaped the country a year or so ago These were not wealthy types or the ruling classes escaping with suitcases full of cash or gold These were just everyday working-class people escaping what they call the tyranny of the Chavez Maduro dictatorship

[17:35] You know, they just can't understand US politicians. They say the US is following the exact blueprint of Venezuela Oh, and they also tell me they're so disappointed in the stupidity of other Latin Americans and their leaders who have no idea What's really happening in Venezuela many of whom who bought the line that it's all the US's fault They say the US alphabet agencies have had paid insurgents there for years stirring up the population They say the US sanctions against Venezuela are crippling the economy and now at least all the millions of Venezuelans who've escaped can tell the truth They can tell their stories funny thing every single Venezuelan. I've met says the same thing It's a hundred percent due to the terrible corrupt leadership of Chavez and Maduro who in fact ran a sovereign

[18:22] Narco state with actual training camps where they're funding Islamic terrorists in fact, there's proof that Chavez and Maduro sold Thousands of Venezuelan passports for something like ten to twenty thousand dollars each to known Islamic terror groups Now if any of you listeners out there want to disagree with that Just come on down and I'll put you in a room with five or ten of these Venezuelans who have escaped and you can hear it From the horse's mouth not from some blog coming out of New York Written by some reporter from the New York Times or the Atlantic Monthly who in most cases have never even been to Venezuela And if they have we're conveniently shuttled around and shielded from what was really happening If you don't think the Venezuelan government knows when a reporter lands if you don't think they're not on it

[19:08] Prepared to do damage control right away Then I guess you've never been to Cuba either because you know, there are still many places in Cuba They don't let reporters or regular tourists get near to or even get a whiff of Alright, then comes its email from anarcho Adam. He says Johnny I discovered your podcast last September and now I'm a huge fan I'm a 37 year old male from st. Louis, Missouri who's been aligned with anarcho capitalism for about 15 years I also follow Simon black and Doug Casey and they were the ones who got me thinking about Internationalizing and starting life somewhere else with a plan B My wife and I actually obtained temporary residency in Panama in December via the friendly nations visa And we're waiting for approval for a permanent residency soon

[19:53] I hope this coronavirus thing doesn't jeopardize that I also share your concerns Johnny with Panama But it sure beats the states I'm very interested in making a plan C now in Guatemala sounds very appealing I hope you're able to do more seminars in the future beyond just this summer as for us We're gonna sell our house in the states as soon as the quarantine lightens We have a lot of equity in it We hope we'll be downsizing considerably and looking to move the resources down south of south of the border Of course this virus thing has only exacerbated the fundamental issues with the US and the government and banks are doubling down on stupidity Then he says my only sister married a dentist who acquired his own practice a couple years ago, man

[20:39] They are sure struggling right now. I Told my sister about teaching Chinese kids English on the internet I'd love to pass her the contacts for that guy. Mr. B who you mentioned on your show Also, you did mention a guy at your show that came to your seminar who teaches South Korean kids English online, too Do you have any more info on that? Alright, it's me Johnny here again as far as our guy who teaches those South Koreans English I've been getting quite a few emails inquiring about that. By the way, can you guess his name? It's Dave You know I sort of keep in regular contact with him and when he mentioned to me that he makes 30 bucks an hour and I Mentioned it on the show. I'm sure that's what triggered all the emails So as far as the Korean thing goes if Dave wants to spill the beans on that development, I'll let you know

[21:28] However, the cool thing about mr. B's method from what I understand he's figured a workaround. So you don't have to take that full 120 hour International English certification course. Apparently, mr. B's got a legitimate hack for that Anyway, if I hear any more in the Korean thing, I'll keep you posted Alright, so there's more to this email Anarcho Adam says lastly Johnny, I'd appreciate any of your info on the water filtration systems You use the wife and I have been ordering five gallon glass jugs of spring water for years, but that's starting to get pricey Thanks in advance Johnny. It's noble work you're doing. I only hope you still enjoy doing it As we both know many of the reasons for your show's existence are quite depressing Take care signed

[22:15] Anarcho Adam stuck in United Statesville, but not for long PS Johnny This is a proton mail account and I own the Swedish domain. That's outside of the purview of the US Empire. You'd be proud Alright, that was from Anarcho Adam. Oh and Adam, like I said, I've been called a lot of things but never kind nor noble either You guys getting soft on me or what or maybe it's me who's getting soft next thing, you know, I'll be listening to Christian Rock If that happens, please shoot me. Okay, though. Believe me. I'll take Christian Rock over rap hip-hop or raggaeton any day Alright moving on, you know since this coronavirus thing Just a ton of people have been asking me about water filters getting off the grid with solar power Some have even asked me how to set up a kitchen stove to take propane

[23:04] Because you longtime listeners know that having a tank or two of propane gas is something I highly recommend And that's what almost everyone here in Latin America uses for cooking and you know All the big client stores here in Latin America sell dryers clothes dryers that run on propane gas, too And of course, they also sell hot water heaters that run on propane gas, too And in some Latin American countries, there are propane gas conversion kits for your car So you don't use regular gasoline you use propane Why? Because a gallon of propane gas is a hell of a lot cheaper than a gallon of regular petrol In some places like for example in Honduras and Dominican Republic propane gas is 50% cheaper per gallon than regular gas And you've got the added benefit that propane gas burns almost absolutely clean

[23:52] That's why you can use your gas stove all day long and never have black sooty smoke in the house Try that with anything else like gasoline or wood and in no time your ceilings would be black and you'll probably suffocate in the Process, too. Now, the thing is if you're living in Latin America, you don't need to have a gas hot water heater You can use solar very cheap down here You won't really need a gas dryer either because you can dry your clothes outside And I really don't recommend switching over to propane gas for your car Even though you'll save a ton of money on gas Because for one thing the conversion kits are expensive around 500 bucks and really the way energy Conservation and technology is moving you're certainly gonna have an electric car in the very near future Probably powered by your own solar panels. So bottom line if you're down here in Latin America

[24:37] It's a must even if you live in an apartment building to have a couple of 100 pound propane gas tanks or even 250 pounders even if you're living up in the States right now whether you're in a house or apartment I recommend you go out and buy two 50 pound not gallon tanks Just check the internet buy two empties and you order a little hose and regulator kit to cost around 15 bucks From Amazon or any of the usual suspects now get this if you're a typical family of four a 50 pound tank of propane gas Which might cost you 25 bucks to fill will supply all your cooking needs with your regular stove You don't need to convert it at all because with the regulator coming off the tank it comes out at the right volume and pressure That's why they call it a regulator though in some places. They call it a manifold now

[25:23] Of course if you're living up in the States You'd have those two tanks of gas for an emergency because you know The reset button has been pushed and the supply lines are getting all screwed up My question to you is what happens if and when the rolling blackouts start coming and the natural gas Pipelines if you're hooked the natural gas and most people are run into distribution problems and they will mark my words however, if you've got a couple of propane tanks, that's a great insurance policy a Brand-new 50 pounders. It's probably 35 bucks a hundred pounder Maybe 70 and just like that little 25 pounder you have for your Weber grill They're refillable and last practically forever If you have a hundred pounder or 250 pounders that'll supply all your cooking gas needs for around six months now

[26:08] If you live in Latin America I recommend hundred pound tanks because the gas companies will come right to your door and deliver and exchange tanks Problem is in the States and in a couple of Latin American countries, too You have to take your tanks down to the propane gas station or gas company and they'll fill them or exchange them there and a hundred pound Tank, man, it's so big heavy and awkward weighing probably 120 pounds full You'll definitely need two people to get it in and out of your car and you'll probably bang your car up while you're doing it However, one person can easily manage a 50 pound tank. It's half as tall as a hundred pound tank about two and a half feet High, so if you're living in an apartment, you'll have no trouble at all moving it around Whereas hundred pound tanks are a pain and meant to remain stationary Remember a regular gas stove and oven is directly compatible with propane gas no conversion kits or anything necessary

[26:59] Now, you know, there are conversion kits for regular gasoline electric generators, too But I don't recommend it get solar. Oh and speaking of solar on the next show We'll be talking solar power permanent portable and my exact setup when I mentioned the regulator you use for those tanks Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com and I'll give you the link on exactly which one to buy Oh and don't forget if you want to get on the early bird list for my expat insider seminar in late August Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com. It's a plan B boot camp for getting out of Dodge You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com

[27:44] And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in Central America Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com