#946 – The Expat Files: Life, Love, and Legalities in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Alright before we get into the heavy lifting, how about something a little bit lighter? This one's from Lester. He says Johnny. I'm one of the very last of the baby boomers born in 1964 in fact, I might be the very last baby boomer since I was born in late December and my story

[00:48] It's a common one. I worked my ass off in my 20s 30s and 40s Got married had a family two kids two daughters growing it out of college now wife and I grew apart We divorced that was about six years ago Typically I got cleaned out so as an avid listener of your show and with nothing left to lose I moved out to Panama about five years ago went to that gringo ville town called Boquette Well turns out I don't like being with all those gringos much plus the prices are shooting up there So I moved two years ago to Guatemala and man, it was the best thing I ever did I don't want to rattle on about all the positives in my life now with the life score I'd say of 90% positive and 10% negative I mean for the last two or three years you could say I won the lottery that non financial one that is but that's the

[01:34] One that counts right, but I digress Hey, wait a minute. Let's stop for a second me Johnny here I gotta tell you this cracks me up about 50% of the emails I get someone that shoves in the phrase, but I digress I Guess maybe that's what I should put on my tombstone Anyway Lester continues and this gets good says Johnny I started a little internet business a couple of years back and I'm doing just fine. I have one employee I hired a young lady in her early 30s a beautiful Guatemalan girl I hired her because I needed a bilingual person to manage the ins and outs of having a website in two languages So as the story goes I was not much into the dating thing at all I figured my best days were behind me and my divorce kind of soured me to that for a lot of years But you know, thankfully time erases all the negative stuff and I started dating my new employee

[02:25] Remember, I'm 55 and she's 33 Something I'd probably be arrested for if I was living up in the States, but down here it seems to be pretty normal Oh, and you know, what else is pretty normal ending up in the sack in record time man Has the world changed believe me after being out of the game for so many years I mean you're out of the game when you're married, right? I just can't believe in the sex department how supercharged things are these days. I just wasn't used to it at first I know for a lot of people that's not big news at all But it is or was to me a good Lutheran kid anyhow now for the crazy part You see after about a month and a half of going with this young lady We got closer and closer and more open with each other So inevitably I asked her some point blank questions about our relationship. By the way, we don't live together We're just a couple with no real firm commitments yet

[03:12] But she is pushing though I guess that's par for the course for a 30 something single mother with a kid So about a month and a half in I asked her if there was anything she'd like to change about me I thought we'd have a fun little moment with that She paused and said I'll tell you if you tell me if there is something you'd like to change about me But you first she said so I said there are two things really one is the way you eat I said, I don't want to embarrass you or give you a complex or anything It's really more my problem than yours But I've always had the stupid quirk that I don't like watching people chew especially noisy eaters She said really you think I'm a noisy eater I said lots of people are noisy eaters But when you eat soup that's got chicken feet in it and you're crunching away at them

[03:57] Like you've got a mouthful of corn flakes eating chicken feet. That's just gross to a screen goes those things crunch And you can hear it across the room and that gives me the willies I had to explain to her what the willies were like fingernails on a chalkboard. Then she got it. She said, okay What about number two? You said there were two things. I said, yes It would be nice if you were rich and we both laughed then it was her turn to criticize You know what Johnny? I could have been more surprised if I'd have been hit over the head with a baseball bat She said I really wish you would shave your pubes now She and the last girlfriend I had in Panama had theirs shaved and though I may be past my shelf life. I'm not stupid I know that's the trend for women. It's been like that for years

[04:44] Some have made an art out of it landing strips cutesy patterns. Hey, nothing wrong with that. But for guys After she said that I looked at her for a moment and looked down at my crotch imagining myself Well, lather and up. I admit I felt a bit uncomfortable Somehow it didn't seem natural Less I feel for you. Then he says so I complied and why not I figured what have I got to lose All right, Johnny again. He really said that what have I got to lose? Was that a pun intended or a Freudian slip? I wonder Then he says for the first couple days. It's pretty weird You can't help but be self-conscious about it, but you get used to it Though it is one more thing you have to keep up with one more complication in life Perhaps Johnny you've heard some rumors or gossip about the subject yourself

[05:32] Then he says in my day when I live back in the States If I ever shaped my pubes and my friends and family found out about it Or if anyone at the golf club locker room caught a glimpse that would have been an extremely testy experience I can imagine how the rumors would fly and if the boss happened to find out Unless he was a swinger or something. You could forget about that promotion, but that was then today anything goes I just keep thinking about that bumper sticker that says what would Jesus do? sign Lester PS Not my real name because I'm planning on coming to your August seminar and don't want to take any heat Yeah, you know less as a baby bloomer myself I can't remember a single time when I lived up in the States that I ever Gave a single thought to take an eraser south of the border so to speak, but you're absolutely right

[06:22] That's the fashion the Moda as they call it down here the mode Said just a word of warning to baby boomers out there who are on your plan B trajectory Once you're in the Latin American dating game scene You're most probably going to be going out with women a lot younger than you same thing with female gringas here in Latin America It's common for them to have much younger Latino boyfriends, too Obviously clued into that fashion sense as well The question is should you or shouldn't you my suggestion do what less did pop the question talk about it? By the way less funny you brought that up. I'd say about four months ago I had pretty much the exact same conversation with a bunch of my gringo expat buddies Of course, we had a big laugh about it But the truth is one day you will be faced with that dilemma bottom line be careful though

[07:08] I assume there are various YouTube's you can watch YouTube has everything nope. I've got no links to give you I haven't checked and I'm not gonna now I'm not saying baby boomers out there get with the program or your SOL Just never forget you've got that gringo advantage going for you whether you're manicured south of the border or not Now there's a first a single topic that runs the gambit of the good the bad the ugly and the great Depending on your perspective enough said about that way too much Alright moving on, you know, I'm the last show I mentioned I'm gonna get deep and heavy into my own solar power unit But in the last couple days, I got another gigantic slew of emails and why not everybody's at home sitting under deadasses Glued to Netflix their computer monitors or their cell phones

[07:56] So let me clean up some of these emails first and you might remember on the last show I never did finish Scott's email and here's the rest of it He says Johnny have you seen the Corbett report and David Ike on the London real along with the no agenda podcast They've done a fantastic job breaking down all this kovat madness and controlled demolition of the economy. All right, I'll jump in right there You know what? I listen to all that stuff. That's what my dad is like I've always been an information junkie not mainstream information, but almost solely Alternative media info along with engineering biology and science stuff and yes God, I've seen a few of the London real podcasts and occasionally I listen to David Ike He's a great guest when he's not talking about Shapeshifting lizard and slime people you guys who know David Ike is know what I mean

[08:44] Then Scott says Johnny. Can you please send me your health care report? Well Scott you have to go to expat plan B calm and click on the health care report link to get it Then he asks what phone do you recommend that doesn't require a sim card? Well Scott guess what? I personally have a regular smartphone that has almost no apps on it Except what's up ways the start page dot-com anonymous browser and a security camera app So when I'm out and about I can monitor what's happening on my surveillance cameras That means unlike ninety nine point nine percent of the rest of the world I don't have my smartphone filled with apps that can track and monitor me and by the way I only use the ways app when I'm far from home So no one could ever actually pinpoint where I really live or where I hang out and I never have my GPS locator on

[09:33] Unless I'm using ways and I also have a second phone It's a burner phone and with that one I just pick up a new sim chip for three or four bucks when I feel like it's time to be even more anonymous And if you're thinking well when you buy a sim chip you gotta give them all your personal debts and all that I say man Are you nuts? I'm living in Latin America. Even if they asked for that stuff I just pull out a piece of paper that's got a lot of false debts on it hand it to him and that's it It works almost every time. Remember you're a gringo and you've got the gringo advantage If you feel nervous or hesitant about giving them false debts I say come your dad's at your property and like 99% of the other sheep out there You don't have to give them to anyone. That's your privilege But if you're not a good fibber just bring your cleaning lady maintenance guy Subdivision guard or the neighbor kid down to the phone kiosk or internet company and tell them you'll give them ten bucks

[10:24] If they get a phone chip for you and you know gringles and expats who've done that tell me they never get turned down Not when there's ten bucks in it. Most of them will do it for nothing. They're glad to do it And they don't even ask why so Scott when you ask me the question What phone do I recommend that doesn't use a sim card? I say man when you live here in Latin America That's not an issue If you feel your little burner phones getting overused and too many people are connecting with you and you want to go more anonymous again Just get a new sim card Alright, then Scott says can you also list the steps needed to get our plan B rolling that is applying for residency Regarding criminal records, etc. All right, Scott Here's the lowdown for Guatemala and it's similar in most other Latin countries though There are little differences number one You were a family member has to go down to the local sheriff's department and get a good conduct report

[11:12] Otherwise known as a local rap sheet and you have to have that notarized by their office There's always an order be there probably the person giving it to you Then you go online to your state's government office, New York, Illinois, Tennessee, whatever then click on the link that says Authentication of documents in there. It'll say how you can get any document apostilled That's the word that looks and sounds like the word apostle So you follow the instructions mail that to your state's office with the checker money order? It's around 20 bucks and they'll return it back to you in a week or so Staple to a piece of paper that says it's been authenticated Apostilled you also need an FBI good conduct report or rap sheet Which is kind of a convoluted process unless you have one of the facilitating agencies as many of them on the internet They'll completely walk you through the process and do everything for around a hundred bucks

[12:00] Including the final step of getting it apostilled now with an FBI report You'll need to get your fingerprints taken to that online FBI report facilitating company Let you download the fingerprint forms and tell you exactly where to go in your area It's usually the police or sheriff's department to get your fingerprints taken the right way now I know of some of these FBI facilitating agencies So if you want the links just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com So you've got two documents apostilled now your sheriff's report and your FBI report They'll send them to your house in the states you package them up and ship off by FedEx or UPS courier to your Latin lawyer In this case, we're talking about your guy in Guatemala He'll review those documents and he'll need a plain copy of your passport not your original passport itself

[12:48] Just a copy then he'll tell you when to come down for an appointment at the immigration office It could be a couple weeks from when you sent the documents to him because you see he has to make the appointment at the local immigration office and the American Embassy in Guatemala Now the cool thing is if you come down to my seminar You can get all that done without making an extra trip, but you have to stay another five working days Either before the seminar or after it because your Latin attorney will have made your appointments to coincide with those times now Of course, if you're going for residency in Guatemala, I'll refer you to a very trusted attorney In fact, he's the attorney who'll be accompanying us every day and night at our expat insider seminar He'll be doing a full day presentation at the seminar, too. So you'll get to know him Well, I repeat once you have a lawyer here in Latin America

[13:36] You should stick with the same guy for everything good example where that really will come in handy Suppose it's 11 at night and you get in a car accident Well, the first thing you want to do is call your insurance company and your lawyer So if you don't have a lawyer you've been skipping between different lawyers Either you'll have no one to call or the other guys who you've not been loyal to won't even pick up What I'm saying is you have to find a good honest lawyer and then bond with him like a friend Then basically what you've got is a get-out-of-jail-free card because you know lawyers here in Latin America Really can at times get you out of very tight spots In fact, I know of three separate cases where a gringo has been pulled over after drinking way too much And guess what after a phone call to the lawyer and putting the lawyer on the phone with the cops All three of these guys were escorted home with a smile

[14:22] Now imagine if that would have happened and they had no lawyer to call Imagine if that would have happened to you in Cleveland or California Hmm. Alright, then finally Scott says what's the cost of your next seminar? I know there's an early bird discount and it was two or three grand back in the day Thanks a lot. Johnny Scott. Alright Scott as for my next seminar if you signed up during the early bird discount Which will be in effect till about a month and a half before we shove off It's thirty five hundred bucks for a single which includes hotels breakfast and all transportation once you arrive at the airport and Six grand for a couple or two friends or family members sharing double occupancy In other words once you land at the airport for the entire week All you'll be paying for is lunch and dinner

[15:08] Oh, and if you don't have a partner better have for someone to get that thousand dollar double occupancy discount I'd say about 80 to 90 percent of the time if you're looking for a roommate to get that discount we can hook you up I'll just need some advanced notice. So send me an email before you sign up Oh and remember this seminar is not like some cattle call international living seminar When you come down to my seminar, you'll make very valuable connections and friends that you'll keep for life. That's a guarantee So anyway, I'm planning on putting out the seminar a sign-up sheet in a couple of weeks now It'll be on my website expat plan B comm and if you sign up and make the first payment before July 1st You know, you can pay in one payment or in three payments spaced a month apart The pricing will be as stated. However, after July 1st, no more early bird discounts and prices will increase 500 bucks. Oh

[16:00] And about the step-by-step procedure and the details on how to get residency in Guatemala Scott I'll be sending you a document that'll explain all that and for anyone else who's interested in killing two birds with one stone That is come down to the seminar and apply for residency at the same time Shoot me an email the expat files at gmail.com and I'll send you that updated residency report, too Then comes this email from mr. Ari says Johnny couple of questions Have you heard anything about how the travel restrictions instituted by the Guatemalan government? For example could impact people who need to travel to Guatemala to maintain residency Because according to Guatemala law you have to return to Guatemala one day a year at least to maintain permanent residency And Johnny we need to come back before early July

[16:47] Number two. Are you seeing the real estate market in Guatemala start to implode yet? I'm expecting this will happen the US and may buy some rental properties after the prices start to bottom out Then finally, he says please send me the report you mentioned in the most recent podcast and sign me up for updates for the August Seminar best regards mr. R. All right, mr. R. Here's the dope on all that You know if you have residency in any Latin American country They require you to come back at least one day a year most of them weeks or even months more than that But for Guatemala, it's only one day. So what most Latin countries are doing including Guatemala Is there not counting the days that our airports have been closed or have maintained restrictions? People entering the country So you guys and gals out there with residency not to worry just keep in touch with your immigration lawyer

[17:34] He'll tell you exactly how to handle it Oh and as for mr. R's question about the real estate market in Guatemala and basically Latin America is it imploding yet? Well, I'll tell you what I've been talking about this real estate bubble for a long long time And I said many times the bubble is huge It hasn't popped yet, but there are always are a few desperate sellers that was then and this is now Yes, the bubble has popped. There's virtually zero real estate activity with that I guarantee you within three or four months not only in Latin America But in the first world to more than 50% of the people who have houses and real estate on the market right now Will be desperate sellers just mark my words in a couple months There's gonna be an absolute mad frenzy and people will sell for whatever they can get I guarantee you of course

[18:20] There'll always be some holdout some people with cash that is cash enough to pay their bills and maintenance costs for six months to a year Or more, but that'll be a small minority of cases In fact, if you really want to have the feces scared out of you listen to this just came in yesterday Says dear Johnny comes from Pete. I want to tell you the truth about the coming air B&B crash And it's gonna be monumental and I'll paraphrase this as usual to cut out the boring parts He says Johnny, have you heard people talking about this? If you haven't you will in the past couple of years since air B&Bs have been so popular and lucrative Airbnb hosts like myself have been picking up rental properties wherever we could get them typically in big cities like LA New York

[19:05] Miami, London, Paris, Mexico City Buenos Aires, São Paulo, Brazil, Medellin, Cali, Colombia, Panama City, any big city and since an Airbnb host earns two or three times the rent on one property per year a good percentage of them me included have been Setting aside dough month after month to get other properties up to now for many of us Airbnb's have been a goldmine the fact is Johnny There's a huge unreported market or there was one anyway in finding under producing properties to turn into Airbnb's It's kind of an inverted pyramid that stays balanced on its tip until a black swan event like this Corona thing comes along For example an Airbnb host with one property gets a second one He puts that on Airbnb and starts doubling his profit the markets been booming so he keeps adding

[19:53] He has renters spread across a lot of different Airbnb apartments I know of people Johnny who are renting out 10 different Airbnb properties. That's perfectly fine in an up economy But watch out my neighbor for example is an Airbnb so-called super host She's on forums with all kinds of other hosts all the time many of them She says have 10 or more mortgages. However as of last month zero guests are booking their properties They are running out of cash fast and within a month or two the lids gonna blow It's pretty much the equivalent of getting a margin call and getting liquidated on a massive long position. It'll wipe you out And the snowball could have just pretty much kept on rolling until Corona

[20:39] On top of that I know firsthand how Airbnb schemers are famous for raising rent prices in the neighborhood It's become a huge problem, especially in some of the bigger cities. You could look it up There were whole companies buying up blocks of empty apartments and then renting them out to trust fund travelers for a premium Soon landlords realized they were sitting on untapped gold mines Then little by little month by month the rents started rising Back in 2016 things got so out of hand that some states and countries voted to block Airbnb's entirely take the city of Berlin for example where Airbnb's are prohibited There's a $10,000 fine, but still since that's a very popular heavily traveled tourist town under the counter

[21:24] So called gray market Airbnb's still do exist, but not for long because they're all going broke Problem is Airbnb owners and hosts always believe the world would just keep on traveling Increasing at a good three or four percent a year and just like Wall Street traders these days thought the market could only go up Up up which was a pretty excellent bet to until just two months ago Bottom line better believe you can name your own price on Airbnb now If for example, they want a hundred bucks a night have a chat with the host and you'll probably get it for 25 Don't let them shit. Yeah, they'll take anything because the man has completely dried up and they've got no cash flow In fact now is the time for any renter to make a deal with his landlord better yet

[22:11] Wait a couple of weeks or a month or two when they were absolutely desperate for the cash flow then offer him 50 cents on a Dollar and they'll probably accept that too because imagine how hard it would be for you to move out and for them To get someone in especially with all this quarantine stuff in lockdown How could you even get a mover to haul your stuff? How would it even be possible to go out apartment hunting? Right me Johnny here pretty good stuff. Yep. The real estate bubble was huge that includes real estate Adapted for Airbnb use and the coronavirus was the pin that popped it So my advice if you're looking to buy into that market wait till you can buy into the real Desperation of that market just give it a couple months. Oh and by the way, I have pretty much zero sympathy for Airbnb owners

[22:57] You know why well because I do a hell of a lot of traveling. I often use Airbnb's Sometimes I'll rent them for a month or two at a time And you know when I first started doing that a couple of years ago I could get a really nice Airbnb for around 500 bucks a month a one-bedroom or a studio in a gated guarded Residential tower in a beautiful section of any big Latin American City then all of a sudden I noticed prices started going up dramatically and in fact about a year ago I wanted to reserve a place that previously been to and the very same joint 950 bucks for the month. So again, I've got about zero sympathy for these Airbnb guys In fact, there's a scringle guy out of Mexico does a podcast called the borderless podcast And if you listen to any of his programs, you'll find out he spends in an ordinary amount of time talking about his specialty

[23:43] Buying and renovating homes in Mexico for Airbnb use something. I never bought into myself because I knew there'd be a lot of hurt coming Well, I'd hate to be in his shoes right now or in the shoes of any of the people who've been following his advice So anyway bottom line I might say within six months to a year You should be able to pick up the luxury apartment villa or penthouse of your dreams for 50 cents and a dollar. Don't worry I'll keep you posted because I plan on jumping into that market myself you longtime listeners Know I've been predicting this for years. So you better believe when the blood's running in the streets I'll be there. But don't get me wrong. I do have lots of sympathy for landlords who will get crushed, too It's just that I've got no sympathy for Airbnb Landlords and hosts as a guy who's used a lot of Airbnb's I can tell you that's a different can of poop altogether

[24:32] And finally, we just have enough time for an email from Hermes. He says mr. M your podcasts are so much better than most others on the same or similar subjects However, despite finding your work on numerous websites podbean expat plan b.com and others, etc, etc I haven't had any success using word search functions Despite there being succinct text main points and a search field Is there any such search capability for your shows? You've produced a hell of a lot of material to learn from as for my wish list on the subjects for previous or future Podcasts, how about hitting on things like train travel pay for play? hot springs Cannabis pros and cons of the 21 countries you've personally visited do it yourself gardening

[25:21] Assessing the accuracy of violent crime reporting and places like El Salvador Or how about comparing Latin America to Southeast Asia and Eastern Europe? Then he says I personally spent much of the last 25 years in mainland Southeast Asia mostly, Cambodia But today there's an onslaught of East Asian visitors Which has driven up the prices to crazy levels at least for many of their services I employ though, oddly enough not carpentry then he says Argentina looks like the best bargain right now But for a snowbird from Toronto, that's quite a flight signed Hermes from Canada Well Hermes Thanks for all those suggestions and about finding keywords and being able to have a word or topic search capability Well, a number of listeners have put in the time and effort to do that

[26:07] Problem is it takes so much time and energy plus the fact that it's got to be kept up to date because two new shows are Coming out every week. Let's just say it's a costly endeavor and to do it, right? Someone will have to pay for it quite honestly on the internet people expect to get things for nothing And I definitely would have to pay someone to keep up with that service That means I'd just be throwing money down a hole, but who knows someday. I'm sure there'll be an app out there Maybe there's one right now. It can automatically search keywords and topics But until then it's all about paying someone to do that and if I pay someone I know it sounds cold But I'd be paying for it and everyone else out there would expect to get it for nothing And if you think about it All I do is give away loads of information and reports for nothing All except for my seminar and my $20 health care report

[26:53] Which took a long time to put together and is over a hundred pages Everything else I do and give to people is free. So I guess in a way I created that monster myself, but that's okay I don't mind doing it. You can get that health care report at expatplanb.com Oh, and if you're anywhere along on your plan B, you're gonna need it I personally have a really nice health care plan that cost me less than a hundred bucks a month and they fully cover Any kind of health care problem barring war and asteroid strikes So I don't feel overly anxious or fearful about this virus thing. However, if I didn't have insurance, that'd be another story That's why you absolutely have to get my Latin American health care report Just go to expatplanb.com and click on the link You've been listening to the expat files living in Latin America If you need some help with your own plan B

[27:38] We can schedule a one-on-one phone or Skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in Central America Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan B Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com Nos vamos