#971 – The Expat Files: Life, Money, and the Road Ahead in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came out to play and now I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here So let's get started back in the saddle again watching that train wreck up by you in the states from a nice safe distance Hey hate to say it told you so so I won't say it But you know I have faith in all you guys and gals out there who are listening to the show especially longtime Listeners because you know you have options just think about the other

[00:47] 99.99% of the lemmings up there that don't know what to do and you know what's cool about the show I have never ever once been censored. Oh well I should say I've had a few cuss words censored with beeps for sensitive ears and all that but you know There's always been this nagging question on my mind. Why don't people ever put anything away for a rainy day? I'm sure you've seen the data less than half of US adults can scrape together 500 bucks for an emergency I suppose they're thinking there will always be a government program out there somewhere to save them Whatever happened to savings and putting away something for a rainy day I remember my grandma saying it my mother saying it and they really did have a sock or a bedpost loaded with cash Then again, I had my dad and my brothers on the opposite end of the spectrum saying hey

[01:36] Can't take it with you So the goal in your life other than being a nice guy or gal is to die very old and healthy though That's an oxymoron, right? How can you die old and healthy if you were healthy you wouldn't die, right? Anyway, my dad would always say the goal is to die old having almost nothing in your will In other words having spent every last dime of it since you worked and earned it Why not enjoy it? So needless to say all the fights that I remember going on in my household were between my mom and dad arguing about money She the saver and he the spender. So then how did those conflicting ideas affect us six kids? Well, turns out I've got two sisters and a brother that don't seem to be able to ever save a dime No matter what they make they always seem to spend everything there and then some however

[02:21] I've got one brother and one sister who always had a nice nest egg And wouldn't you know if they're the two that the other three are always hitting up for emergencies and loans that they never pay Back or when they do it's always with some hesitation and one of those looks, you know what? I mean, don't you hate that when you lend someone money and when they pay it back They act like they're doing you a favor, but I digress. Where were you? Oh, yeah, talking about being censored speaking of getting censored You know, I've got a few friends in the media Media whatever that means and I'm not talking social media and you know, every one of them are telling me now They seem to have to watch Everything they say we're in a kind of self censoring mode whether it's truly conscious or not They're thinking after they do a piece who's it gonna offend always second guessing will they get some pushback?

[03:08] Who's gonna lash out next on fake book and titter man who wants to work under those conditions? So anyway, I'm pretty lucky so far in that no one's ever told me I can't talk about this or that Even though my opinions to some might be way out there. I've got no one in management or the podcast Bureaucracy putting pressure on me, you know, all the complaints and criticisms. I do get come from you listeners out there funny You know, I don't get much hate mail, but when I do get it, they always say things like Johnny Although I think you're a jerk. I'm not gonna stop listening Maybe it's because I read all my emails and answer most of them personally So options are what you get when you listen to this show Specifically escape routes and plan B's and I think one of the best things we've done is develop a specific network of expats

[03:56] In the know that means we've got some pretty good answers for any questions or problems that might pop up Obviously, even though everyone's circumstances are quite different. That means there's never a one-size-fits-all plan B Which is why I'm sure so many people have signed up for one-on-one Consult calls with me. I've done hundreds of them now with once again plenty of repeat offenders Who'd have thought not only have I had repeat offenders at every single expat insider seminar now Except of course the very first seminar because you can't very well have a repeat offender if you've only had one seminar How about this? Not only have I had people beat the seminar twice I've had some repeat three and even one person four different times So if you're still wondering whether the seminars worth it Because you know, it's a couple of grand. It's not that cheap then again

[04:43] It's a week long and your hotels are covered now speaking of the seminar I don't want to keep hammering on the seminar because the next one's quite a ways away except to say that my planned August 2020 seminar has been cancelled and you probably know why it's because Airports are changing their rules all the time and I don't want anyone to get stuck Quarantined in some airport on the way to the seminar or on their way home because you see Unfortunately, Latin American airports are following US Airport guidelines guidelines They can't seem to settle on they keep changing them all the time And when they start talking about a second wave of covid whether it's real or not and they start talking about airport restrictions enclosures again Well, I don't want anyone to get hung up in that mess So because of first and third world lunatic airport policies, I've moved the seminar to January 2021

[05:33] I'm bringing this up again because I'm still getting a trickle of emails to my website Expat plan be calm with people still going there trying to sign up for the August seminar That's been canceled. Some people didn't get the word yet So they email me back and they're saying Johnny, I'm trying to sign up for the August seminar, but it's not there It says there's a seminar in January, but where's the August one? So I'm thinking people sending me emails like that Haven't caught up with my shows yet because you know, a lot of people tell me they're five six or even a couple of months Behind on the shows they download them into their iPods or Walkman's whatever Yeah, remember those Walkman's some of those things were as big as a frying pan Remember and how about those old-school antenna dishes? Some of those things were as big as a house man 30 years ago when I first got down and landed in Costa Rica

[06:20] You could certainly tell the rich from the poor by their antenna dishes By the way, if you go to expat plan be calm and check out the seminar sign-up sheet You'll see you can actually sign up for the January 2021 seminar I know it's quite a few months away. But hey looks like it's gonna be a full house or maybe even oversubscribed So kid in while you can and of course the early bird discounts are in effect So anyway, I promise after August as we close in on the seminar date, that's already been canceled. I'll lay off. I promise I Certainly don't want to bored you to death or hammer you to death with it. Nuff said about that on with the shoe You know with all this mask no mask gloves No gloves social distancing or not with all the fake news real news and bad science out there

[07:09] Doesn't anyone out there wonder why some people say the social distancing should be six feet and others say three feet And if you're looting picketing rioting or protesting, you don't need any social distancing at all. Meanwhile down here in Latin America It's one meter or two meters depending where you are And if you want to get prickly about it three feet say yard 36 inches and one meters 39 So what's next will idiot governments mandate you carry a tape measure? Why is it nothing's uniform and who picked three feet or one yard or two yards or six feet? Anyway, if you actually look up the science on it when someone breathes sneeze or coughs The particles coming out of your mouth or nose will travel over 20 feet and eventually if there's no wind Will settle on everything

[07:54] Think about public restrooms where most of the toilets don't even have covers on them Just one flush and within minutes everyone gets to share your fecal matter totally unacceptable But that's the way it is. No one seems to have ever have done the real science on public bathrooms, man What a great biology feces paper. That would be or a thesis paper Even leaving public crapper problems out of the equation if you're wearing a mask and cough or sneeze You'll eject a blast of contaminated Particulate saturated air out of the sides and the edges of your mask that will also travel a distance of 20 feet or more So in other words if you cough or sneeze wearing a mask You'll still be blasting people within 20 feet of your periphery. Go ahead pick up a physics book and look up laminar flow and

[08:42] Now for something even crazier I'm sure you've noticed when you go to a hospital a clinic a dentist or physicians office You'll see a little red plastic box in practically every room. It's got a biohazard symbol on it It's for used needles as well as blood and saliva soaked cotton gauze and disposables When that plastic container gets filled a registered biohazard pickup service will handle it with care Put it in a truck and take it down to a registered and certified biohazard incinerator Nope, they won't take it to a landfill. That's not allowed it must be incinerated But here's the rub according to medical literature as long as your blood's in your veins. It's not a biohazard However, once it's out in the open and touches anything else It's suddenly a biohazard same with saliva as long as it's in your mouth is perfectly fine

[09:32] But once it's expelled, it's a biohazard in other words Once it touches a tabletop a piece of gauze or even a cigarette. It's a biohazard and must be handled accordingly Now technically that means everyone's used mask is a biohazard though Obviously, you never see anyone dispose of their mask in red plastic certified biohazard containers Do you not to mention you never see anyone through a cigarette button one of those containers either nor straws or plastic forks or toothpicks? Which could often have blood on them, you know In fact, if you drive around anywhere these days You'll see masks on the ground heaped in garbage cans and floating down a gutter during a rainstorm In reality, all this stuff makes no sense at all. And what about all the people who have diabetes who inject insulin daily?

[10:17] What do they do with their needles not to mention the tissues and Kleenex we use to wipe off our snotty noses How about when mom wipes up a kid's bloody nose or a bloody knee when a kid falls on the playground? Does mom put it in a plastic bag and hurry up to the nearest doctor's office and put it in a red plastic biohazard container? Impossible, huh? Well, that's the law, you know, and what about when you nick yourself with a razor, you know That little piece of Kleenex used to mop up the blood Technically, that's a biohazard too. And how about sanitary napkins and tampons? What about used razors and razor blades and how about every single band-aid you ever used? You know, once you peel it off, it's got pus blood and a billion bacteria on it. It's a biohazard Of course, you put it directly into the red biohazard container, right?

[11:05] Haha, what you haven't got one. Well soon enough I predict they'll be mandated and likely Fauci and Bill Gates will make a nickel off every one of them Now you remember that book three felonies a day, right? People always wonder what felonies am I committing that I don't know about? Well, you know not following biohazard guidelines whether you know them or not depending on a state you're in in the circumstances Is either a felony or a misdemeanor? Meanwhile, biologists have proven the most contaminated things we come into contact with on a daily basis are paper money door knobs faucet handles kitchen scouring pads steering wheels and drum solo here TV remote controls keyboards and smartphones now i'm certainly not offering up any solutions or answers. Just saying Oh, and by the way, it seems everywhere you go these days, at least some people are wearing rubber gloves

[11:54] Next time you see it have a closer look chances are unless the person is just gloved up very recently They're absolutely filthy with the fingertip part a different darker Scuzzier color not to mention if you look close when you look through the gloves You can see there are pools of sweat and humidity building up and stagnating there hour after hour That means the hand inside the glove is sitting in a petri dish of bacteria Just percolating away and as they sit there bathing for hours at a time in that nice warm layer of soupy sweat Well, let's put it this way. I wouldn't be looking at it under a microscope anytime soon Oh and about the fingertip parts of the gloves that get so skanky and discolored Well, that should give you a really good idea of what's happening with your hands 24 7 with the gloves Just giving you a close-up preview of what's happening with your hands every day of your life

[12:43] Makes you want to spend a little more time washing them, huh? Should put you off eating stuff with your fingers too Especially since one latino doctor recently told me that practically every single person who eats street food has got a guaranteed case of intestinal parasites In fact, he said about 90 percent of the cases where they do a hospital workup. That is blood test, urinalysis, stool sample Routinely done for surgical workups. He says the majority test positive for lumbrissas translation Intestinal worms Yuck Most likely cause he said eating moist street food with your fingers Then I said hmm That would mean that practically every backpacker has lumbrissas then too, right? He said if they eat moist street food with their fingers No doubt. The question is how to get rid of them real easy

[13:30] He said the same treatment you use for amoebic dysentery a couple of pills twice a day for two or three days That's it. They're gone Problem is he said it's an epidemic in latin america and all third world countries because people eat street food and don't wash their hands much Not that they don't want to but street food carts don't have available fresh water for clients Not to mention practically everyone in latin america eats with their fingers. Have a look Then I asked the duck what about gringos expats and tourists He said if you're a frequent hand washer And you stick to eating dry things with your fingers like bread cookies potato chips, etc There's not much risk. However eating moist and wet foods with your fingers That's the real problem like tacos burritos cheese chicken hard-boiled eggs Some people even eat rice and beans with their fingers, especially young kids. So the question is

[14:21] Do you or I have lumbrissas? What a revolting development, huh? Well, normally there are no symptoms They're just living in your gut symbiotically But you don't have to go to a doctor and get a bunch of tests to find out Just go to the pharmacy and tell them you need something for amoebas that stuff will wipe out lumbrissas, too Oh, and by the way, if you eat a lot of hot and spicy food chances are even if you continuously eat with your fingers You're not going to get lumbrissas because they can't live in that environment In other words, most mexicans have taken the cure without even knowing it So then all you hot sauce and jalapeno lovers, don't you feel better already? Enough said about that. I guess maybe too much said about that, huh? All right now. Let's take an email from chick He's a canadian You know, we've got loads of canadian listeners And some would say they have even more reason to get the hell out of dodge than regular us north americans because canadian taxes are even higher

[15:13] Remember in a previous show I mentioned that every us citizen who works pays more than 50 percent of his income In taxes and I can prove it because I have a list of about a hundred extra taxes you're paying and you don't even know it Of course, most of them are not called taxes are called licenses and fees, but that's just a diversion. They're taxes Now when it comes to canadians, they pay over 60 percent of their income in taxes And you know when I get into these discussions with latin americans Discussions about salaries and what people earn up in the states They can look it up as well as anyone else and see that the average american family makes something between 45 and 55 000 bucks a year Which is an absolute king's ransom to a latin american whose average yearly income could be a fifth to a tenth of that

[15:59] And when they hear you can be on disability or welfare in the states and make a thousand to fifteen hundred a month Their eyes just light up for a second Then they have that moment of disbelief and think you're lying That is unless they've got close relatives up in the states who long before we ever got into that discussion collude them in But that's another story for another show. So anyway chick starts his email. Hello, johnny Crazy crazy times, huh been working like a double peckered billy goat since march 15th and the list is almost done Plan b here. I come our tickets are booked for the 15th of july and our 14 day isolation hotel is booked in keto Ecuador been too busy to write lately, but I wanted to say thank you for mentioning the liquor outlets on a past show All right, me johnny here if you remember a couple of shows ago. I talked about the liquor store dilemma in canada

[16:50] Anyway, he says as soon as that thing blew up. I made a choice I took the old radio off the shelf in the barber shop brought it home and only listened to the cbc canadian Broadcasting corporations take on the news didn't take me long to figure out what was going on Whilst they took great pains to teach us on the cbc how to wash our hands They never once mentioned how we might better take care of our immune systems to fight this and any other virus Every day the canadian prime minister came on and thanked all essential workers But never once mentioned the thousands of liquor store workers doing daily business with hundreds of thousands of canadians Yes, that's better left unsaid Calls to crisis lines in domestic violence increased dramatically But never once did they mention a 60 increase in booze sales might that be a correlation? Absolutely

[17:39] I wrote letter after letter to the cbc But they ignored them then just recently as british columbia the province where I live started opening up The government tabled new laws to allow public drinking in parks and beaches If nothing else, this is a telltale sign that most everything we've been told and the protocols the government gives us to follow Regarding the virus our pure bunk something fishy is afoot and it's anyone's guess as to exactly what the government is up to Oh and johnny just a quick note on the canadian government regarding all those expat wannabes and gonna bees who need to get their documents apostilled to get residency Well, here's the dope canada did not sign the apostille act in 1961 But they made an equivalent office of authentication of documents So you get your documents authenticated not apostilled when you're in canada

[18:27] We sent our paperwork federal express priority overnight to them and three days later it arrived in our capital I was then told by the authentication office the papers had to sit in quarantine for four or five days So on the sixth day I telephoned to check in they informed me that quarantine timeline does not include weekends only business days We must of course assume then that the virus takes two days off on the weekends, too A perfectly logical conclusion by government. Don't you think really instills confidence, doesn't it? Anyway, thanks for all you do johnny regards chick from canada, but not for long. Meanwhile Here's some news that couldn't have happened to a nicer bunch of liars The headline is this cnn reporter mugged at knife point live on the air in brazil

[19:15] Yep, but now for a reason 2226 why I don't recommend brazil as a plan b destination By the way, i'm sure I told this story before but probably a long time ago last time I was in eponema beach You know in rio de gennaro It's world renowned. Everyone's heard of it, especially the song I was at a beautiful beachfront hotel and there were signs all over the place saying use the beach at your own risk Beware of pickpockets and muggers which begs the question. What's the number one reason? People visit real because of all the magical things they've heard about eponema beach, right? Oh man, they're advising you not to leave the hotel grounds and just use the pool Of course all the nice hotels on the strip have their own beaches, but they're really not private That's true of most beaches in latin america

[20:02] Beachfronts themselves are considered public Can't block them or fence of moth for private use even if you own the property right up to the shoreline You have to leave a passageway open for people the public to walk back and forth and hang out So then who are the most logical victims of petty crime? That would be clueless gringo and european tourists hanging out on the beach Hey, if I was a scumbag, no good nick i'd be working that crowd too Anyway back to this story. I'll read a few snippets of it for you This is dated just a week ago july 3rd. It says CNN reporter bruna macedo and her team had set up Near banderes bridge in saupalo brazil on saturday to report on rising water levels at the tete river due to heavy rain Footage of the incident shows a suspect lurking in the background looking over the bridge while reporter macedo speaks to her colleague

[20:54] Rafael colombo who is in the station's studio? After a few minutes into the broadcast a man wearing the hooded jumper and a beanie hat can be seen approaching the reporter macedo Macedo starts talking with the man while her colleague continues to talk about the rising level of the river The reporter attempts to start reasoning with the man as he pulls out a knife She then moves a few steps away before giving the man her mobile phone CNN cameras then pan away from the incident to focus on the street while reporter macedo Hands the mugger a second phone. He then flees the scene before the broadcast is ended and all this captured on film Hmm who says there's no good news coming out of brazil? And the thief even though they got him dead to rights on camera was not

[21:41] Apprehended by the way typical of those shit for brains at cnn in this report They keep on calling the thief an alleged mugger. You know what you lame stream media guys make me sick What the is alleged about a guy pulling a knife? And stealing two phones right on camera, man Am I glad I don't live in that train wreck of a country called the us of a or more precisely when it comes to the Government and the lame stream news It's the good old us of a holes Then again, maybe cnn staged the whole thing because their ratings are in the toilet Nah, that would take half a brain. That would be too creative Actually, i'm kind of surprised cnn didn't report the thief as a white guy in a maga hat That would have been par for the course, huh? Hey, i'm no trump fan at all. But the way the media beats up on that guy, man

[22:29] He's got thicker skin than an elephant a normal guy that had thrown in the towel a long time ago Meanwhile in panama two former presidents Ricardo martinelli and Juan Carlos Varela have been banned from leaving the country They've blocked their passports while under investigation for corruption and money laundering charges. Wow. I'm shocked Turns out martinelli president from 2009 to 2014 being accused of diverting public funds to purchasing himself A media outlet a tv radio and newspaper chain. How about it? Hey now that would come in handy if you're a politician, huh? Of course, they both deny the allegations. I'm shocked about that too You know, that's why I always say every president whether in latin america the states Whatever should have just an eight-year term that beat four years in office and four years in prison

[23:17] How's that sound to you about these two ex-presidents? Surprise surprise They both own beach houses and townhouses and guess where my jammy courtesy of the good neighbor policy, right? I'm shocked again. By the way, speaking of panama Did you know that the longest road in the world is the panamerican highway? Starts in northern alaska goes all the way down to panama then on the southern tip of panama There's a 60 mile gap. No road. It's all jungle called the darian gap Then the road picks up again and columbia and goes all the way down to terra del fuego It's about 12 000 miles long funny thing You know most gringles and expats who live in guadamala end up on that road all the time because you know It passes right through mexico into guadamala through antigo guadamala guadamala city and on down south to el solvador

[24:07] Etc. Etc. In fact that my expat insider seminars were on and off of it all the time Now sometimes the latin american part of the pan american highway is a perfectly nicely built Six-lane concrete road and in other places especially when it goes through one horse towns with just two or three stoplights It bottlenecks down to a two-lane asphalt road and sometimes it's even a gravel road bottom line It ain't smooth sailing, but it really is an eye opener For example, when you're going through the andes on the chilean argentine border you go through a two mile long tunnel Now the question always arises. Why didn't they finish the thing up? Why is there that 60 mile darian gap on the southern tip of panama? That's right where central america meets south america By the way Well for a long time it was an engineering impossibility because that's some of the roughest toughest terrain

[24:56] There is mostly swamp and all snakes bugs and crocodiles. Of course nowadays with enough dough It could easily be done Well, not easily it's still miserably hot and humid and loaded with bugs But not an impossibility like it was many years ago By the way, every time I hear someone say the word impossible I think of what napoleon once said the word impossible is only found in the dictionary of bureaucrats and fools You got that right? So anyway in the last 40 or 50 years or so it has been possible to finish off that road But they won't do it even though you hear columbian and panama politicians talking about it all the time Because they expect if it ever happens will be a huge boom in commerce because those are the two countries most immediately affected Imagine the millions in toll money the politicians can steal However, we're in the age of the tree hugger and because there's a couple of indigenous amazon tribes living there

[25:46] Well, the green folks and the environmental agencies are saying it will encourage an ecological deforestation disaster The thing is there are millions of centuries old hardwoods there in fact six years ago in 2014 panama outlawed The harvesting or cutting down of rosewood for the entire country because it's a rare hardwood That's been predicted would disappear in a couple of generations However, the dairy end gap is just loaded with the stuff and still somehow illegal loggers are getting in there and pulling it out Why because just one good sized trunk can go for 10 grand? And now of course many people are saying the law in itself has caused artificial shortages And so the price of the wood has skyrocketed yet another case of unintended consequences That's what you get when idiot governments pass laws without providing funds equipment and people

[26:34] To enforce those laws. Oh and one more thing about the pan american highway There is an active competition that goes on between extreme bicyclists There's an ongoing challenge to do the pan american highway except for the darian gap Of course where they take a boat you can look it up in the guinness book of records The fastest time was 117 days by bike starting in alaska going all the way down to the antarctic And if you think that's crazy You can also check out the guinness book of records to see the fastest guy to walk the distance on foot And the record is 2426 days man. That took more than six years Oh, and if you're thinking about driving the route on vacation just a sightsee maybe it's been estimated that at three bucks a gallon per gas

[27:20] You'd spend about 2500 bucks to do the trip much of the time You'll be going slow because of all the small towns you'll be going through That means 14 countries worth of traffic jams border crossings and bribes You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b. Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com No spambos