#999 – The Expat Files: Johnny Mueller on Expat Life, Media Work, and Dog Training

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now that I wonder Hello there all you ex-pat wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started You know, you might find this hard to believe I certainly do but today's show is expat files show number 999 Now who'd have thunk I would have made it that long ten years without getting fired. Well, there was some close calls

[00:47] Cuz you know, I'm not exactly kissing anyone's butt here And then there's that double-edged sword that I don't have any sponsors Though some have wanted me to promote their stuff Well, you know in the past when I used to do regular radio shows that kind of sponsorship stuff usually didn't turn out Well, not for me except that is when my sponsors were Harley Hooters Heineken and Gold's Jim Man, those were the best sponsors you could ever have but every other sponsorship seems to come with strings attached Because you see way back when around the turn of the millennia When I was doing those syndicated radio shows in English here in Latin America, I can remember Well those little meetings even phone calls right while I was on the air from the big boss upstairs or even his wife Yep, I'd get phone calls from his wife telling me to lay off certain subjects. How about that?

[01:38] Man, she was a real stuck-up extreme gringo wannabe Funny thing is when I worked for the Korean guy who owned 22 radio stations here in Latin America Neither he or his three daughters who really ran the show ever told me what I could or couldn't say on the radio It was when I worked for this guy. His name was Cole Schmidt pure German name, right? He looked pure German too cuz his folks came over to Latin America in the 50s did well Etc and ended up buying a few radio stations putting their kid Of course in charge the kid who'd been born in Latin America pure German but born in Latin America So he grew up in that strict classes society, you know, his parents sent him to the most expensive helicopter schools So his English was perfect. But man, even though he looked a hundred percent German and was through blood ties

[02:24] He was pure Latino stuck-up upper class at heart And I'm telling you he looked down on everyone that had any indigenous blood in them at all In fact, I used to watch him yell and insult the darker shorter workers at station and he'd do it in front of anyone It didn't matter cuz he was the boss and you know, that's one of the no-nos when you own a business You should never insult correct or berate your employees in front of anyone else If you're gonna do it do it privately in a room away from everyone else and once in a while at least once in a while You got to give out some sugar, you know, give out a few compliments when they're dessert But he never did that and believe me everybody at the station was afraid of them except me Cuz you know, they needed the job and I didn't besides that I saw through all of his shit

[03:09] So now and again, I throw in little digs on the radio about him and his type and usually he was oblivious It went over his head but other listeners caught it They knew what I was talking about but those odd phone calls I'd get when I was on the air from him and his wife They were mostly about the fact that I'd insult politicians right on the air You know me thing is his brother, you know another hundred percent German born in Latin America an extreme gringle wannabe, too He's a lifelong scumbag politician and was for a while a cabinet member in the Guatemala government I think he was treasury secretary or a minister of pre-packaged bullshit or something like that And you know when I'd give my opinion about politicians on the air For example, when I'd say they're all a bunch of malignant blood clots that didn't go down too Well, and then there was the owner's princess daughter. I'd get inspiring matches with her all the time

[03:59] She was head of PR and advertising at the station went to US universities And she married the heir apparent to the Central American Toyota dealership family man She was an uppity stuck-up piece of work, too But she was beautiful and sexy and she used that to the limit and because she was the boss's daughter She always got what she wanted and no one but me ever argued with her So in the end we got into a shouting match and she fired me But the owner's son her brother hired me back a day later I had a very big following with the gringle wannabe crowd And you know the gringle wannabe spend a lot of money cuz they're in an upper Socioeconomic bracket because most of them went to bilingual schools That means their parents had money and when their kids wanted something they'd buy it for them

[04:44] And that's a great listening demographic to have in Latin radio So the owners hated my guts except for the fact the advertisers loved me for the demographics I pulled in in the end I had a showdown with the owner told him what a terrible boss and leader he was he fired me again And here I am talking to you By the way, that's the only time I've ever been fired from a job in my life It's pretty much a given if you're in radio or the media You got to expect once in a while you'll get fired. Oh, I forgot I got fired from another radio station In fact late on a Friday afternoon They fired the entire staff telling us that the station had gone Christian radio They'd sold it and I for one I'm not very good at the kumbaya's. Oh and by the way if someday I disappear from the air or podcast waves, whatever you want to call them

[05:31] It'll probably be not because I kicked the bucket, but because the management cut me loose now I'm not necessarily expecting it, but you never know because sometimes I do say some harsh things, you know an equal opportunity offender So if one day week or month, I just don't appear anymore Just shoot me an email the expat files at gmail.com and ask why or just check my expat insider seminar web page expat plan B dot com Anyway, we all know the world is crazy and getting more chaotic day by day So a little heads up there just in case. All right enough said about that now on to an email or two This one's from Robert. He says hola Johnny from Oaxaca, Mexico Oaxaca, I finally said it correctly I think we really appreciate your recent insights since your own

[06:16] 10,000 hour learning curve history speak in Spanish and how it resembles our own progress down here after six years Then he says unlike your history Johnny My wife and I are developing our fluency slower since we speak English to each other way too much But it is coming along bit by bit. Oh and Johnny I'm continuously surprised how many information that gets we get from your show and how it has aided us during our time down here Not to blow smoke up your you know what after your 30 year history in Latin America But when you say things like don't wait five to seven years for your plan B, man You're preaching to the choir So I've forwarded those words of wisdom to some of my old friends back in the US essay The ones I care about the ones I've not given up on the ones I want to see make it in the coming chaos and the grand global reset

[07:04] But the ones who resent my efforts in trying to wake them up. I've politely just basically given up on they're still friends, but the personal realization that they're just not going to make it and the way they hold on to illusions that they're 401k and Social Security is gonna get them through it all that somehow they'll be saved as the Empire itself Withers and dies anyway. Thanks again for the great information resource over time We may well do a phone consultation with you to help us move our own traveling Latin American road show from Mexico on south To Guatemala which seems to have a brighter prospect while we love Oaxaca, Mexico and its culture people and awesome food We see the handwriting on the wall and regard Mexico as basically a further extension of the US essay Empire

[07:50] Not a glowing future knows famous signed Robert Well, thanks again for that Robert and you know I'm glad we kind of kept in contact by email over the years because it's expats like you living in Mexico and In New York a since you've been there six years now, you know exactly what's happening You're the real deal with tons of boots on the ground Not just a guy going down to Mexico once in a while on vacation and what you guys got to say is complete the opposite of the fake news you get from real estate and agenda pushers like International living and rags like escape artists, but you listeners out there you all knew that already, right? By the way, when Robert from Oaxaca sent me this email He attached a photo of a dog kind of a typical Latin American looking dog, you know Just a complete mutt but they're loyal and nicest can be at least that's my experience even with street dogs

[08:39] They don't mess with you, but you never know Of course you long-time listeners know I've always had dogs and you might remember a long time ago I did a show or two all about dogs in Latin America and how it's a really sad thing to see most if not all Latino pet owners how they don't train or instill any discipline in their pets at all And though they've got some really good vets down here when you walk in some of the upscale vet offices You'll see in a bulletin board, you know Advertisements for dog trainers and obedience schools, etc, etc It seems like very few people ever take advantage of it And when they do it's only after their dog completely destroys their house or their neighbor's house Even dog trainers down here will tell you their clients almost never have the discipline to see it all the way through Everyone will start out with the best intentions

[09:24] But most never make it to the end and you know I've had expats and gringos who know how to train dogs send me emails saying Johnny wouldn't that be a great business to train up these errant dogs actually you have to train up the errant dog owners and That's not gonna happen because Latinos will not put the time and effort into it. I've seen it many times I've even seen it with my own gringo expat friends who needed to have their dog or dogs trained They hired a trainer. He came over went through the paces a few times came back a few times But the owner didn't have the time or the patience to hang around with the trainer while the lessons were going down so in the end most of us Latinos and gringos expect to hire a trainer have the trainer do all the work and When the classes are finished suddenly the dog has been transformed into a good boy Well, yes, that dog will be a good obedient cadet

[10:13] But only or mostly when the trainer is around you get the drift here Having the dog professionally trained is not like sending your kid off to school and after a while He comes home and knows how to read and write in dog training You need the owner present at those sessions all the time and believe me that can be so very dull and boring that even most gringos Who normally have the perseverance don't stick it out to the end now? The reason why my dogs were always so well trained is because I follow a particular dog training method Coming from a book written by a guy who trains guard dogs and police dogs now I never trained my dogs up to that maximum efficiency of a police dog or a guard dog But I train them to a point where they're really obedient And I think if you're gonna have a dog you have to minimally train him in the basics

[10:58] For example not to bark or go hyper every time he sees a person or another dog And that's easily done by the way in just a few minutes by using and you're not gonna like this some of you guys gals a shock collar Personally, I've had so much great success with a shock collar They say it works like a charm for mother-in-laws and children to go in the states They'd fry you for it, but tell your plan America Well, that's a discussion for another time by the way If you want the dog training book guide personally you send me an email the expat files at gmail.com I'll dig it up and send it to you So as far as I'm concerned since I've had dogs all my life the minimum standard for training is number one Train the bark out of them of course there are times you want to bark for example at night when there's something strange going On there's a noise or some movement in the yard or trees nearby whatever, but that's easily accomplished to number two

[11:47] You'd never want your dog to rush people when they're visiting your house Especially big dogs like Rottweilers and Dobermans of course little dogs can be real pests, too But that also can be quickly trained out of them with a shock collar. Oh, and if you want to know about shot colors I've used a few and I've got a recommendation There's a very good and inexpensive one out there. I think it's around 50 or 60 bucks That actually has two different channels like a walkie-talkie. So if you have two dogs Let's say you put a shot collar on each dog This particular model comes with two collars you have independent control of the shock if one or the other is misbehaving Oh, and of course these things are rechargeable and the charge lasts a couple days usually so that's cool And they're waterproof, but sometimes not dog proof Especially if you've got one on a very big dog because one time not so long ago

[12:36] I was training up two dogs a Rottweiler and a Doberman and I noticed that the Rottweiler no longer had a shock collar How'd that happen? Those things are built pretty well. They can take a lot of banging and abuse. So where was that shot collar? Well, I rolled back the time on the video cameras in my latest house I had 16 cameras now, of course for the average guy that would be big overkill But being that I'm an engineer we tend to overdo it on electronics and tech. That's just the way we are So anyway, I rolled back the cameras and the Doberman Naught away at the Rottweiler's shock collar till the thing fell off He worked on it for quite a while and the Rottweiler just sat there and let him do it I'm sure you thought I can't stand this thing do what you got to do go for it And you know Rottweilers, although they look pretty mean and they're tough when they're angry They're actually pretty docile and friendly. Of course, it depends how you bring them up, right?

[13:24] Takes a lot to get them pissed, but you don't ever want to push them too far Anyway, later on I found what remained of the shock collar out in the backyard Oh and for those of you who'd like to accuse me of animal cruelty right now The thing is most good shock collars have about five settings on them setting one Just a tiny little trickle of energy, but when you crank it up to five It's a pretty good joke And of course how much the dog feels depends how thick his coat of hair is and how tight you have the collar on because there Are two blunt metal prongs that are in contact with the dog that give the jolt So if you got a short haired dog, you might never want to go past two Because the prongs are in pretty good contact with the dog's skin though with a long haired dog You might go three four or five because you see the longer the hair the more he's insulated from the shock

[14:09] Oh, and as far as the animal cruelty thing, you know, every shock collar has two modes One is a sound and vibration mode where there's no shock whatsoever They're just a funny noise and vibration like your phone in vibration mode and with most dogs You can use that mode and it'll work just fine Unless your dog's really stubborn and bullheaded So when you get the thing always try it on the sound mode first because that might just be all you need and when you Hit the button the dog will stop what he's doing and look around and that's the effect You want to achieve if for example, he's barking or digging a hole or rushing up to somebody and you hit the button All you want to do is distract him and then he'll stop what he's doing and he'll get the hint after a while Admittedly using the shock mode is like getting an instant reprimand There's no pussy-footing around and sometimes a big dog like a Doberman Rottweiler German Shepherd or Great Dane

[14:59] They're pretty determined to do what they want to do And the only way you're gonna get an effect is to shock them and the shocks themselves are really no more painful than a static Electricity shock you get when you're walking across a dry carpet you touch a piece of metal on a railing you feel it You go whoa, but it's not gonna harm you So bottom line even if you don't train up your dog by the book when you buy a decent shock collar There are some instructions in there to tell you how to train most bad habits out of your dog And that's just what you want to do though here in Latin America I think the owners need a shock collar more than the dogs do so minimally there are some habits You got to get rid of number one when they bark at everything and anything bad habit Number two is when they rush someone at the door at habit number three especially with younger dogs is they like to bite nip things

[15:44] Like furniture and shoes etc though the trick is you have to always catch them in the act if you go Blasting them with a shock after the fact you'll confuse them. They won't know what they're getting shocked for Oh, and there's another thing that I think it's important that you should train out of your dogs That is you know dogs and certain fat people like Oprah when they see food They just lunge for it and in the act of lunging you think they're gonna take your hand with it the fact is I don't want my dogs eating anything unless I give them permission to do so and that's a very good tip if you Have two or more dogs because when it's feeding time and they're not trained up The dominant dog will usually eat all his food first and then go steal from the beta dogs bowl Another reason to train them to take food only when you say yes or some kind of code word

[16:30] Well, let's put it this way when people come over They'll often try to feed your dog a treat and if they're not trained up They'll lunge at that treat like a starving beggar and scare the hell out of that person who's giving it to him But believe me, it takes a very short time to train a dog not to take anything from anyone until you say a code word So it's not absolutely necessary Because when people see big dogs, they're not much inclined to walk up and hand them a piece of food Knowing they've got some big jaws and big teeth But believe me if you train them to eat only when you say the code word Your visitors will be amazed number six. This is an obvious one You don't want your dog to pee or poop around the house and that's a huge problem in latin america I've been in some very expensive million dollar houses with beautiful floors and area rugs with pee stains on them

[17:16] Even beautiful expensive furniture with pee stains on them Yeah, you really feel like sitting down in the living room and getting comfortable under those conditions We're shedding many latin households You'll sit down and the dog will jump up and sit right next to you waiting for a few pets Now that to me is completely unacceptable I can't tell you how many times that's happened to me and then the owner, you know, the latino head of the house Will say to phyto jr. Or bush jr. Whatever Come on spot get off the couch and the dog won't listen. So the owner will have to go over and chew him away completely unacceptable But you know when you're a guest in someone's house You got to go with the flow and not actually say what's on your mind As expat eddie would say you have to put on a happy face or your host won't bring out the good booze

[18:01] Oh and speaking of idiot latinos with money I don't know why this is but I see it all the time you walk into a really nice house apartment and it's outfitted with white Furniture white throw rugs sulfas bedspreads and even if you don't have a dog or a cat whatever It only takes one spot of dirt or grease on your pants and you've ruined the damn thing forever My advice never buy white or light colored furniture if you're living in latin america It's tough enough to keep that stuff looking good up in the states. Just saying let's be practical here You know with the latin culture lacking in detail and all it's just impossible to keep anything white looking good And if you've got kids it's dirt and smudge time on steroids Though I have to say there are some high-end brand names that have really great leather furniture

[18:48] Some of the real high-end stuff cleans up better than you ever thought possible Still you're taking a big chance, but hey for the first six months white furniture looks fantastic Doesn't it great to look at but terrible in the maintenance department? And as you've heard me say a million times maintenance is not a well understood concept here in latin america So once again light colored especially cloth Furniture is a terrible investment here in latin america And even more idiotic idea if you have untrained pets and 99 of pets here in latin america Are untrained which brings us to dog training point number six Ladies will tell you if you ask him one of the worst things about visiting someone who's got a pet Is that as soon as you open the door if there's a dog in the house?

[19:35] He'll want to be friendly and he'll immediately jump up and paw you Now for some guys who are dog lovers that might not be such a big problem But for women and I mean most all women Who spend a lot more time fixing themselves up before going out than a guy ever will a straight guy anyway Well, they'll be the first to tell you one of the things that can really ruin their day Is to have some stinky mutt who's been running around the house or yard all day pawing at their shoes and legs And man i'll tell you that's another case where shot collar works wonders But again, you have to absolutely catch them in the act or they don't know why they're being punished Same thing goes for kids mother-in-laws and politicians Meanwhile back in the states. We have this bad news about animals Actually, it's about the food you give your animals Now you might have seen this in the news lately. It does pop up once in a while

[20:23] Certain dog food brands have been recalled Due to toxins and certain additives Of course, you know about all the food scandals coming out of china So you don't want to buy dog food or any other kind of food that's coming from there But in reality you shouldn't buy any canned or pre-packaged dried dog food coming out of the states or anywhere either Even if it's fashionably labeled organic or non-gmo, that's all just marketing crap Now I may have told you this but my brother was a manager of one of the biggest meat packing places in all of chicago In fact all the united states in the world They had machines that made all the hamburger patties for wendy's mcdonald's Just a ton of junk and fast food joints the place that he ran had something like 200 employees And 199 of them were illegal aliens. Yeah, they'd have raids once in a while. Just like in the movies

[21:11] Anyway, he told me all the horror stories about how behind the scenes they make the so-called sausage You don't want to know and that's the reason why I haven't eaten a hot dog for at least 40 years now Thing is I went on a school field trip to the oscar mire plant in chicago And what most people don't know is that at the very end of the line when the hot dogs are almost ready to get packaged They're white like lard then they're dipped into a vat of dye that colors them Well hot dog color giving everyone the popular delusion that they're kind of like real meat Sort of well after that I never ate a hot dog again But just to retrace what my brother said he said they get their meat mostly from argentina on container ships frozen solid And when they'd have to reject some of that meat whether it was contaminated or bug infested or smelling like hillary

[21:58] Any of the 101 reasons why they'd reject a batch. Well, they couldn't very well send it back to argentina now Could they so they'd ship it off to dog food companies if I told you the brands you wouldn't believe it So if that's what you get with certain dog food companies up in the us You can imagine or maybe you just don't want to imagine What kind of rejected crap goes into latin american dog foods? And you know when you go into a latin american supermarket, there's a big dog at a cat food aisle You've got first world brands like purina alpo and kennel ration Which if you did some research you'd find that's not at all good for your dog either For one dogs in the wild have never eaten grains like rice or corn. They're basically wolves Mediators same thing, you know with beef cattle, they're not natural corn eaters

[22:44] But that's what they end up processing and giving to them, right? And that's why they've got so many diseases and chronic bloating etc As a result, they're pumped up with endless quantities of antibiotics, but you knew that already, right? The thing is here in latin america. There are dozens of varieties of dried and canned dog food I'd say about three quarters of the brand names you find are local brand names latino brands You've never heard of before you could only imagine what kind of so-called food goes into the mix When there's basically no agreed upon standards and if there were they haven't got a system or personnel to enforce them Yeah, you could buy the usual suspect name brands like purina or alpo You know the brands but really none of that stuff is good for your dog It's just that it's convenient. That's why dry dog foods were invented, you know

[23:30] For our convenience, not the dog's health by the way in spanish. They're called Concentrado Concentrado written out it kind of looks like the word concentrate or concentrated So if a mother sends her kid to the store to get some concentrate, that means dry dog food, but man, it's awful stuff But of course the dogs eat it. I mean it is edible to them Anyway, and because of those unstated problems, that's why i've always fed my dog A 50 50 raw meat diet i'd go to the big market every week or two buy a couple of big driveway chickens Yep, recently dead big plucked driveway chickens have the lady chop them into six pieces And I tell the lady to take three separate pieces and put them in a plastic bag So in my freezer, I always have a number of plastic bags each with three pieces of chicken

[24:16] Let them freeze rock solid for at least a week because that lowers the bacterial count dramatically Because you know, that's one of the complaints you hear from people who say they don't want to feed raw food to their dogs They know it's better for them But there's always talk about certain bacteria and salmonella living on chicken that could infect your dogs But the best way to pretty much eliminate that completely is to freeze the chicken for a week And then in the evening, I take a package out let thaw out And the next morning i'd give each of my three dogs a big chunk of raw chicken and man, they Absolutely love it now you'd think it'd be kind of gross and it is but they love it And then every other day, I give them the dry purina dog chow or whatever an american brand name Not because it's any good for them, but I know it's been pumped up with essential vitamins and minerals

[25:04] They may not be getting from a pure raw meat diet And of course those dogs will eat the dry food Though not with the same gusto as the raw food, but somehow they know that the next day They'll be getting the raw chicken that they absolutely love How do I know that because in the morning they can hear me rustling around with those thawed out bags of raw chicken? And they have their three cages open cages in a laundry room and a door to go outside any time They want but are not allowed to go into the kitchen In fact, they're prohibited from going into the house at all But in the morning when i'm sorting those chicken bags, they're standing there silent at attention in the laundry room Looking at everything I do now. There's a laundry room door and when it's open, they're not allowed to go into the house Even when it's wide open and they're tempted. They won't cross that invisible line

[25:52] Why because when they were very young puppies, I trained them With a shock collar and man i'll tell you those dogs are smart It doesn't take many repeat pulses before they realize they only get a pulse when they've crossed that threshold That sounds cruel, doesn't it? So my suggestion, of course, you don't have to take it Is to try it yourself every other day. Give your dogs raw meat It doesn't always have to be chicken. You can mix it up with beef parts or fish Oh, and by the way, if you've got big dogs like rottweilers and doberman You don't have to remove the bones. It'll be dainty about anything Even my rottweiler when it was only three or four months old He just loves a big chunk of raw chicken and though when they're pups, they're just little things They're not going to choke or have any problems with the bones Now if you've heard the story about dogs having problem with chicken bones or any kind of bone

[26:38] They're talking about cooked bones raw bones are another thing altogether. Just like in the wild. They can handle them nicely By the way, you know how dogs wolf things down, right? Do you ever hear of a dog choking on food? I never have Not even a tiny lap dog and when they do start choking because they wolf things down They just spit it up and go at it again Always a pleasant sight to see oh and one last thing Don't forget i've got my expat insider seminar coming up early in january 2021 And as far as people asking about roommates i've already hooked up two guys But i'm still looking for a lady who wants a roommate. That way you can save around 750 bucks off the single price So as of now we're looking for another lady that needs a roommate If you're interested send me an email the expat files at gmail.com and we'll hook you up

[27:26] Oh and the sign-up information and all the details are at expat plan b.com You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b. Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com Nos vamos