#1474 – The Expat Files: Life, Challenges, and Culture in Latin America

Automatically transcribed from the original recording; names and wording may contain errors.

[00:00] South of the border down Mexico way That's where I fell in love when the stars above came up to play and now as I wonder Hello there all you ex-pad wannabes. I'm Johnny Mueller and you're listening to the expat files living in Latin America The show that tells you just what it's like to live work play and or retire down here in Latin America It's a mix of the good the bad the ugly and the great and it's all right here. So let's get started Alright, I wanted to read this email check it out. This comes from mr. D actively working on his plan B He says Johnny. I hope all is well in that you got my earlier email asking for the house building Checklists for expats as well as the water purification and solar setups. You mentioned were available in your recent episodes

[00:50] That said Johnny despite postponement of your recent seminar I still made the trip down to Guatemala Both to house hunt and to meet with lawyer Jose and I wanted to share with you some of my boots on the ground adventures He says I want house hunting in Antigua, Guatemala and it went well, but I think let me correct myself I know now I have an inner snob Because you see one or two gated communities I saw gave me major section 8 vibe and some had hills so steep that only an NFL running back like late great Walter Payton would dare run them Johnny when I saw how some of the houses were built on hills I couldn't help but have visions of my wife and me in our golden years Stepping out of the car or the front door and tumbling down to those cobblestone streets all the way to the bottom of the hill

[01:39] another thing that brought up the snob in me I guess a few of the new houses look like the painters that just slapped a coat of paint on it called it a day amateurish on the details and the builder just let it slide and on some of those terraces you could barely make out Volcan de Agua or Volcan Fuego those two spectacular volcanoes in the area In other words, the fantastic views were blocked by trees and power lines I can honestly say that in a few of those terraces if I wanted to but I didn't I could have just reached over and Grabbed a power line with my bare hand. Yep, Johnny snob alert. That's me as for real estate in the area I'm looking though. It isn't a done deal yet, Johnny I've settled in on the pricier gated community with a decent amount of amenities from pool to clubhouse and

[02:29] The site is a lot flatter with fewer trees, too Yes, it'll be a little over my planned budget But it's still doable with just my retirement income and even before taking Social Security in a couple of years Now what I'm gonna say next is probably gonna make you laugh Remember how you spent a decade on your podcast talking about the lack of water pressure in Central and Latin American cities Those water problems in general. Well, I stayed at a family home in zone 2 Guatemala City Some of my wife's family lives there an older home But man the plumbing was all you said it would be and the water pressure it was so bad I couldn't flush the upstairs toilet for a day or so. That's how long it took for the tank to fill Eventually, I had to fill it up with a bucket of water myself and force the flush and I was embarrassed as a gringo would be

[03:17] Also Johnny the suicide showerhead worked sort of when there was some water pressure But when there wasn't any or very little pressure I had to do the left foot in left foot out right foot in right foot out do the hokey pokey and shake it all about That's a boomer reference Johnny. You'll probably get it Anyway, he says I'm glad I've been to some austere locations and I learned from those travels always to bring a sponge and some soap The other challenges is that local people seem to be overly paranoid about people looking in their windows when walking down the street Of course people are paranoid I guess about others looking in despite the bars and heavy frosted glass panes on windows They keep the first floor locked up tight windows and all I noticed that with my wife

[04:03] It's family who have a house in Zone 2 Guatemala City. All right, let me stop just a second here Mr. D is a gringo married to a Guatemalan lady so most of his in-laws live in Guatemala and that zone 2 that he's talking about is an older section of Guatemala City a mixed zone of businesses and Residences a kind of scruffy zone safe during the day, but not at night Remember Guatemala City has 25 separate zones a lot of them super nice some of them very decent others iffy at best Now as far as zone 2 where mr. D's in-laws live in most of that zone I would not recommend gringos or expats to set up shop or live anyway He says despite the bars and heavily frosted glass panes the family keeps their first floor locked up tight

[04:49] Windows and all so much so that despite the great weather outside the inside is hot and humid as a jungle Fortunately when I visit I stay on the second floor where I could at least open the windows for a breeze and hear all the morning traffic Mr. D goes on to say the other thing that gets on your nerves a bit if you're living in the city Why do all these people ride 125 CC motorcycles with mufflers that are as loud and annoying as possible? We're talking about dinky bikes. That should not sound that way also. Don't get me started on those uber motorcycles Where if you hook up a ride, it's like death race 2000 now I know why my wife's cousins called them motor monkeys moto simians All right me Johnny here for a comment on those motor ubers

[05:36] Man, the locals love those things cuz they're dirt cheap like a buck for a ride, but I'll never ride one again I tried it once forget about it those guys break every rule in the book and they'll run red lights with you on the back Riding on the back of one of those things is like a death wish But again, if you're a local and you only have a buck and the bus doesn't go where you want to go That's your option. Honestly, I don't think they allow motorcycle Ubers up in the states in first world countries But down here, they're all over the place Anyway, mr. Dee goes on to say the silver lining of the trip though Johnny is I stayed at Hotel Sole Antigua during my house hunting which meant I had access to hot water and a sea Which made me reflect on the experience at my in-laws house and helped me solidify The importance of a few things namely certain features that are mandatory for any home to consider

[06:23] Like for example a community well with water purification A cistern to store water when the pressure is low a water pump that works Electric on-demand water heaters and the ability to install one or two discrete ac mini split units Additionally, the house must have natural light and windows that allow airflow throughout Yeah, you should be able to open and close them And finally the ability to install a few discrete solar panels on the home is essential Also, johnny, he says as discussed in one of your most recent episodes a couple of things Hit close to home with me as I was listening and mowing my front lawn First, I guess it's because i've heard the word for so many years due to being married to a guatemán Uh guatemalteca, but it hit me when you said down there. They called the new look of a hyundai santa fe

[07:11] as a santa fea or feo Fea meaning ugly He says I just about fell off my lawnmower. Well, I never thought about it before damn. That's so spot on Secondly on the subject of racism in guatemala He says get this my wife's family is mostly of mayan blood while some are more mixed That's not the norm and while over the years They've been discriminated against both in guatemala and in the states by so-called pure blood spaniards Even so the local mayan blooded guatemalans have their brand of racism, too For example referring to black people as morainos and calling asians all asians chinitos He says when I got back home to the states my wife even asked if I saw many chinitos on the streets Which made me laugh because it's the diminutive

[07:58] Ito when you put ito on the end of a word that means tiny or small So basically she was asking did I see any little china men around to me? It's funny. He says Who are these people of mayan ancestry? Calling people from other races shorty. He says my recently passed mother-in-law. My swaggera was barely 4 foot 10 And my almost 90 year old father-in-law is only five three and my wife five one So who are they calling short? Just who are these little china men? All right me johnny here once again You know latinos all throughout latin america call black people negritos or negrita if she's a female which literally means Little black guy or little black lady because of the diminutive ito at the end of the word

[08:45] Even though most every black guy i've seen down here in latin america is at least a head taller than the average latino So does that imply cultural latino racism? Well, if you're super sensitive or easily offended maybe Maybe not because as it turns out black latinos living down here don't seem to be bothered by it All right, then mr Digo santa say well johnny with that i'll wrap it up for now I didn't mean for this email to be so long anyway It was a great trip and I was glad to get down to guadamala It was memorable with plenty of lessons learned both in real estate and navigating the bureaucracy regards. Mr. D Please put me on a list for the next seminar. All right, mr D. Thanks for that so many things to talk about in that email First of all when looking at houses or housing developments down here in latin america specifically we're talking about guadamala now

[09:32] Because that's where mr. D is setting up his plan b You know, you get what you pay for but remember the definition of middle class living here in guadamala or anywhere in latin america Is much different than middle class living up in the states Understand that the average middle class house up in the states is around 2500 square feet three bedrooms three baths a family room in a garage Here in latin america. It's half that or less with generally only one bathroom or a bath and a half So mr D when you talk about the shortcomings in the houses you've been looking at in antigua guadamala You have to look at the latin american mindset What you seem to be describing is a house that's just barely middle class in the u.s Yet the same house in the eyes of a latin american would be Upper middle class for sure and again, it's details details when you talk about the paint

[10:17] I'm serious with most painters here in latin america 14 year old kid could do as well And these guys actually think of themselves as professionals. I don't get it And it's not that they can't paint within guidelines paint with tape paint a straight line Clean up their little missteps and after spray. It's just that the latin americans who hire them to do the work Don't call them out on it latinos. Just do not have an eye for detail I'll give you a good example of what I see all the time just drives me up a wall Well, it used to I tend to overlook it now because getting pissed off is bad for the system But here's what I see all over the place you walk into a house They've got nice beautiful spanish tile for you continue to walk on it through that house onto the kitchen or one of the bedrooms All of a sudden they'll switch tile completely on you. I mean it won't even be within the same color or shade

[11:04] They'll even use different sized tiles going from one room to the other That's such a stupid basic design mistake. You don't do that You either carry on through the house with the same tile everywhere or it starts. Absolutely looking like a clown car or elvis's Graceland Oh and when a latin tile contractor tries to do the right thing using all the same tiles on the first floor Let's say that's a good start, right? Well mark my words as you transition from room to room you walk in again from the living room to the kitchen Or to one of the bedrooms the lines on the tile will not match up I mean look the tile setter had every chance in the world to run straight lines through your house That are nice and pleasing to the eye But no somewhere along the line sometimes even in the middle of a room

[11:52] He'll get cute or take a shortcut The line will run straight and then hit a zig and then his egg again like a drunk tile setter or 14 year old was on the job Worse yet you'll be walking from a room Let's say a living room again into a bedroom and boom you'll find a little bump up or a bump down Of just an inch or two sometimes even a half inch and you'll catch your toe on it every time I guess you'll have to ask an emergency room doctor how many times an old timer was admitted with a broken bone or two maybe a smashed face Because his foot caught the lip on one of those mini bump ups or bump downs on a tile floor transition Worse yet latinos are noted for having very poor lighting in their houses They use the absolute smallest watt bulbs and lamps they can find to save on electricity Of course because it's twice or three times what you pay in some places in the states

[12:41] You know over the years I must have caught the edge of one of those tile height transitions a hundred times Luckily up to now anywhere. I haven't yet crashed and burned But i've seen people do it and when you take a fall and land hard on a tile floor Rarely will you come out of it unscathed? Now all of these things, of course, including the low water pressure latin americans are absolutely used to they don't complain about it They don't whine and moan they deal with it Now, of course the simple way to solve a low water pressure problem is to have a cistern on your roof and an auxiliary pump Those pumps have a pressure sensor on them when the pressure is low They kick in like a sump pump and start delivering some of that water you got stored in a cistern At a decent pressure now get this a bare bones set up like that probably won't cost you more than 250 bucks

[13:26] 100 bucks for a nice cistern hundred bucks for the pump 50 bucks for the extra tubing the shut off valves and whatever else Which begs the question at least for me Why would I walk into a house that has no pressure or really shitty water pressure so low? That as mr. D says the toilet tank after a flush won't refill for hours and hours In that case and i've seen it again hundreds of times. I keep asking myself Why don't they spend the 250 bucks get a cistern and an auxiliary pump? That would make life so much easier But still millions of families just don't and even for a latin american family that doesn't have much extra income at all They couldn't work that out in their budget. I mean look They still blow a lot of dough each week on beer and junk food It's not like they couldn't plan ahead a bit and cut back here and there to make a noticeable improvement in their lifestyle

[14:16] Like having decent water pressure 24 7. Yep. It's kind of baffling It's also kind of baffling when you go to someone's house Where the paint has been worn completely off the toilet seat. It's down to the wood underneath And nobody except the visiting gringo seems to notice and what's a no frills toilet seat cost eight maybe 10 bucks Yep, there are certain things here in latin america that will be baffling to you They are to me Oh and when you're visiting someone's house And you sit down in the living room or the kitchen and you notice a big old water stain on the ceiling brown and moldy and ugly as sin And let's say you come back a year later for a birthday or christmas party and it's still there even worse now again It's quite baffling. Is it only the gringo or expat who notices those things?

[15:04] Well, how about when you're walking to someone's kitchen and sit down and you see Mama or grandma a slave in a way at the stove three or four pots boiling All the gas burners on full with a big old rusted dented propane tank feeding that thing with gas Through a plastic pipe that looks like it's been sitting out in the sun for a hundred years With the clamps on the tubes all rusted yet. No one seems to realize it's a huge fire hazard Why is it only us gringles and expats who wonder about that? Oh, and how about when you walk into a middle class even upper middle class latino house? You walk into a darkened room you reach for the light switch and Suddenly you're touching the wires. The switch plate's completely gone. Oh the switch is there It's hanging out of the switch box by a couple of wires So how does that happen somehow along the way who knows how many years ago?

[15:53] This switch plate detached from the wall broke somehow fell to the floor got swept up into the garbage But switch still works. Everything's fine, right? Even though it's hanging out of the receptacle box being held up by two wires Why is it no one seems to notice the sort of baffling that only gringles and expats pick up on that stuff? Oh and the way they attach and wire those suicide showerheads I don't think i've seen one yet where the wires weren't hanging down I mean you could grab them while you're taking a shower imagine that Of course, no one does it because that would be nuts But there are heating controls on that showerhead So if you're brave enough to diddle with those things your fingers are bound to get perilously close to those dangling wires and remember Your barefoot in the shower standing in water nothing to see there, right?

[16:39] Now about those bars and heavily frosted glass panes and houses throughout latin america Yep, you'll see that in lower and middle class neighborhoods everywhere But not much at all in gated guarded communities because hell they're gated and guarded To get in you got to go through a guard gate check in show your id etc But houses on regular residential streets will have bars and tinted or smoked glass And of course gated guarded residential communities are usually in higher end districts with a little higher maintenance fees little higher rents So the more you're paying rent The more likely you are to be in a gated guarded community and the less likely you are to have bars and tinted windows So it boils down to a matter of your budget Oh and note the more you pay for rent the better neighborhood you're going to be in the less chance of traffic noise roosters crowing

[17:27] Vendors hawking their goods at six in the morning chicken buses rumbling by in general street chaos So generally speaking if you're off the gringo tourist trail and are paying let's say at least 500 a month In a two-bedroom house or apartment Let's say you'll be situated in a pretty nice area most likely in a gated guarded community or residential tower And finally mr. Detucks about that racism stuff in guadamala. Well, it's definitely not just guadamala It's all over latin america. There's definitely racism against the indigenous population and for example in guadamala There's 25 different indigenous tribes who don't much like each other either In fact when the conquistadores arrived in central america First thing they wrote about was how the indigenous tribes were fighting against each other stealing property goods women

[18:17] And making slaves out of other tribes men that they'd captured. They were constantly at war with each other Oh, and of course in modern times now, they're not at war with each other But every tribe has its prejudice is against the others. In fact, one of the biggest tribes in guadamala Anyway is kichi I had a cleaning lady pure kichi and she told me she wanted her kids to marry kichi So is she racist because of that? I don't know which brings us to this email from hugo Long time gringo expat who's been living in antigua guadamala for quite a while now He says dear johnny in response to those who say latinos are just as racist or even more so than americans From my experience he says and i've lived in guadamala 11 years now When an indigenous guy in guadamala wants his daughter to marry an indigenous guy

[19:06] That's normal and no one says a thing Same thing if a muslim man says he wants his daughter to marry another muslim the world doesn't care Same thing with a chinese guy if a chinese guy wants the same he wants his daughter to marry a chinese guy No one cares Matter of fact, it's pretty natural Now if a latino guy wants his daughter to marry a latino guy No one gives a damn He could shout it from the rooftops and no one will think twice Now if a jewish guy wants his son or daughter to marry a jewish guy or gal the world doesn't stop spinning That's normal, too In fact, how many times have you heard one of your jewish friends say my mother wants me to marry a nice jewish girl And they usually do and no one says a thing. It's normal

[19:53] But hugo says when a white guy wants his daughter to marry a white guy Everyone calls him a racist and he's forever shamed on the internet etc Note johnny the double standards if you start asking simple questions Hugo goes on to say johnny i'm white. Why is it racist for me to want my kids to look like me? As far as I can see there's nothing racist about white guys wanting their daughters to marry white guys And if they don't no big deal Everyone has their preferences what they like dislike prefer and don't prefer And if that's racist then every other country in the world is racist and we too and forever will be Signed hugo previously married to a white american lady and divorced and now married to a beautiful latina lady

[20:40] PS he says I have two 30 something kids living in ohio And they're just now warming up to the fact that i'm married to a latina In parentheses. He says at first. They didn't like the idea of having a stepmother who didn't speak english All right, hugo. Thanks for that Since we're talking about racism here Or perceived racism, you know, I grew up in chicago in a completely lily white neighborhood I mean lily what as mentioned in a previous show when a black or latino kid walked through the neighborhood Everybody would peek out the window. What's he doing here? Because that just happens. Oh infrequently Maybe once a year and then when I hit junior high and started playing in rock bands and such One of my best friends was a mexican american guy john gonzalez

[21:26] Nicknamed taco, he lived like maybe four miles away and he'd walk over to my house We'd hang around he tried to get me to give him guitar lessons He had no talent at all nicest guy in the world He'd give you his shirt off his back, but no talent and being that my mother was a teacher, you know english professor She had not a prejudice bone in her body and my dad who was universally liked had not a prejudice bone in his body either But one time I remember this is the 70s now We were sitting around the living room and my sister who is a year older than me She said dad, how would you react if I brought home a black boyfriend? I remember he paused for a bit and said there are your boyfriends you choose who you choose Except could be that the next day your bags to be packed in on the front porch

[22:11] Now I don't know if he was kidding or not I kind of think he was because get this never once did I ever hear in all the years I lived at home with my parents the n-word Used in the house nor the f-word never none of my five brothers and sisters use it. I didn't use it my dad Not my mother never did I ever hear anyone use the n-word? Sure. Once in a while. I'd hear my guy friends use it if they were telling a joke or something I mean hell we're talking about chicago, you know One thing that struck me though is that most of my italian friends. I had lots of italian friends They use the n-word and openly said they didn't like blacks and once I even asked my ma Why do italian's dislike black people so much? I mean that's the impression you'd get if you're living in chicago I don't know. I must have been around 12 or 13 years old and she said

[22:59] I don't know if they really dislike black people It's just that now I remember my mother had a lot of italian friends too lady friends in her coffee clutch and she told me one of her lady friends An italian told her itallians are very racist even as far as the region you come from in italy There were the calabres from the calabra region They had a running feud with their neighbors the marcajon and the lower down you came from on the boot of italy In other words the closer you were to africa geographically like for example way down the boot the island of cicily They she said got the least respect of all because they were the closest to africa So then where'd that come from? Well now remember she said northern itallians and we knew quite few of them could be blonde and blue-eyed If their ancestors came from venice bologna up by trieste milan portofino, etc

[23:49] But down south like cicily way there are lots of darker more olive skin italian to which that italian lady told my mom Just might have to do with the little inbreeding of african blood many centuries ago when there were lots of petty wars and feuding going on And that she says was the basis of much of that innate italian dislike for blacks In fact, I remember a neighborhood kid an italian kid name was crucinelli One of the kids in the family was a lot darker than the rest of them and his brothers and the neighborhood italian kids picked On him relentlessly. They even nicknamed him Melanzan which means eggplant a really nice gentle kid But man, did he get bullied by his own family because he was the only darker skinned one out of five or six kids Oh, and by the way for a while, I think two or three years. My brother had a black girlfriend and she was very beautiful

[24:39] But my mom just didn't like her now Like I said, my mom was not racist not prejudiced at all But she just didn't like this girl and it turned out it was not because she was black But was because she never worked. She was on welfare and had a kid She was a single mom. So my mother being 100 German stock hardworking farm family and all that She just had this thing about people who were forever on welfare Was just against her constitution She used to say, you know some people she knew during the depression were on relief That's what they called it relief That was before they started calling it welfare or adc aid to dependent children Now my mom who was a child during the depression didn't mind people on relief But only for a couple of months or no more than a year at a time It was temporary. She said to get back on your feet

[25:26] She had no patience for people whose life was welfare. So in the end, that's why she didn't like this girl Though my brother always said well, you're racist. He was wrong. She just didn't want her kid going with a welfare queen Oh and one last story that just might tickle you a little bit my older sister She's been down here to latin america to quite a few countries. I've shipped her down for vacations and such Well, it just so happened when she met my present girlfriend She took me aside that very first day and she said, you know, she's a 10 She's really really smart beautiful and nice but She's really dark, isn't she and I replied well, maybe that's because i'm really really white makes her seem really dark by contrast So the question is in this day and age is what she said racist I say No, it was just a comment. Why is everyone so damn sensitive get over it, man

[26:19] Get a life if I was to point out or make a note of every little racist thing I've seen a latino person do to other latinos from different countries and cultures whatever Sensitive americans just wouldn't believe that could be allowed, but it is every day and no one gets riled Locals just let it slide but gringos sure catch it. But look it's not your place to scold or castigate I mean you're a visitor down here. I guess you just have to look the other way Let it slide or if it really bugs you head on back to cleveland Now that's not to say I haven't heard a few righteous gringos, especially gringas Correcting a local for being racist or insensitive i'll tell you it doesn't go down. Well, it usually starts like this I'll hear a gringa lady or guy say, you know, if we were up in the states, they wouldn't allow that kind of talk That would be inconsiderate or rude

[27:06] Of course, they're forgetting that in the moment they're not up in the states And you know latinos don't like to hear anything phrased that way, you know up in the states We do it like this or like that. That's not a good way to get your point across to a latino or latina It's like the know-it-all big daddy scold and his kid. Anyway, just saying We're all just guests down here. And sometimes we forget that we think we know better and maybe we do but remember we're still just uninvited guests You've been listening to the expat files living in latin america If you need some help with your own plan b we can schedule a one-on-one phone or skype consult Just send me an email the expat files at gmail.com And if you want to get on the waiting list for my next week-long expat insider seminar in central america Where you're guaranteed to get a two to five year head start on your plan b. Send me an email the expat files at gmail.com

[27:58] No spamos